redsky
29-03-12, 06:48 PM
Hi,
My name is amanda, and please excuse me if i seem a little 'timid'. I have posted on forums in the past but this is the first time i have joined one thats about me rather than my hobby.
Erm... i dont really know where to begin. I was diagnosed with depression when i was 16 years old, though it was suspected it started much sooner in my early teens. I was bullied throughout school for being the fat kid and never really had any close friends. My parents split up when i was 11, my sister 9. I can remember it like it was yesterday. :( What was said, what i did and where i went. I remember it so vividly but its like i remember it as someone else watching on, y'know?
I struggled throughout college and uni, having opted to stay living with my dad when my parents split i didnt get any emotional support. Everything i did was critisized or condemned. The only comfort i found was in the keeping of my pets... which i now know are my coping strategy. They always have been though i didnt know it.
So here i am, 31 years old and back in the dark depths. A couple of failed attempts at ending it and a bucket load of medication later, i still feel completely misunderstood and alone. I have been refered for CBT therapy but there is a current 3-4 month waiting list.
To top it all off, my relationship is off and on constantly. He also has depression, but will not admit to it or seek help. so one min he is fine, the next he is saying the world is better off without him. The more support i offer the more he pushes me away.
so, thats me.. i apologise if i come across as blunt, or anything. it is truly not meant that way, i just find it hard to express myself sometimes xx
My name is amanda, and please excuse me if i seem a little 'timid'. I have posted on forums in the past but this is the first time i have joined one thats about me rather than my hobby.
Erm... i dont really know where to begin. I was diagnosed with depression when i was 16 years old, though it was suspected it started much sooner in my early teens. I was bullied throughout school for being the fat kid and never really had any close friends. My parents split up when i was 11, my sister 9. I can remember it like it was yesterday. :( What was said, what i did and where i went. I remember it so vividly but its like i remember it as someone else watching on, y'know?
I struggled throughout college and uni, having opted to stay living with my dad when my parents split i didnt get any emotional support. Everything i did was critisized or condemned. The only comfort i found was in the keeping of my pets... which i now know are my coping strategy. They always have been though i didnt know it.
So here i am, 31 years old and back in the dark depths. A couple of failed attempts at ending it and a bucket load of medication later, i still feel completely misunderstood and alone. I have been refered for CBT therapy but there is a current 3-4 month waiting list.
To top it all off, my relationship is off and on constantly. He also has depression, but will not admit to it or seek help. so one min he is fine, the next he is saying the world is better off without him. The more support i offer the more he pushes me away.
so, thats me.. i apologise if i come across as blunt, or anything. it is truly not meant that way, i just find it hard to express myself sometimes xx