I'm new, depressed and feel alone

[phoenix]

hi all.
I'm new and don't know where to start. I sometimes wonder what I have done to deserve the life I have. Alot of people in the past have said I should be grateful for what I have compared to some people. I'm not rich, have a 2year old daughter, a relationship which if I'm honest is stale yet still feel alone in this big bad world. I just cry, cant sleep and think I'm such a failure. I've been through the whole mind counseling and don't think I can go back. Maybe speaking to other sufferers can help?

[shine]

Hi and welcome.

[Mummyhill]

Hello and welcome to the group.

I hope you find this a safe place to come and chat. non of us are professionals and we offer advice and support based on our own experiences.

Are you on meds? are you eating, sleeping ok?

[phoenix]

Yes I've just been prescribed citalopram on Tuesday. I've used different meds before so know it takes a while to get into your system. I can't remember a time when I've been genuinely happy. I have s serious problem with sleeping. Either awake til the early hours or have really disturbed sleep. It's not even good with a 2yr old that is a problem sleeper too.

[Sarah76]

Hi welcome to the group
Hugs lack of sleep is the worst
Hugs x

[phoenix]

Yes I know, she's good but not a good eater/sleeper n wonder if that's my fault because thats all she knows from me. I know I'm not a bad mother but my dark moods always give me the perception I am and that she'd be better off with someone else. It's just a vicious cycle. I'm currently at the guilt stage. Just never felt so alone.

[shine]

what happened with the councelling

[Suzi]

Hi and welcome. Keep talking it really does help x

[phoenix]

I had counselling with mind for over two years and had my last session a week after I found out I was pregnant. She's gone 2 so was a while ago. I don't know if I'm strong enough to do it again as well as finding it hard to find a sitter for the sessions. I'm in two minds wether to go through
all the worst stuff in my life.

[Diablo]

(hi) Hi Phoenix. Welcome to the group love
Give the citalopram a few weeks to see how it works, then maybe you will feel strong enough to think about counselling again.
Keep talking on this forum. The people here understand these problems and I know they help me a great deal.

big hugs! (bear)

[phoenix]

Thank you everyone. Your all so kind. It's only day 2 back on meds so know ive got a few rocky weeks ahead. It's nice to know that there are people there that have and are going through the same thing. :)

[Suzi]

We all have some degrees of understanding, so keep talking as it does help x

[Angie]

Welcome to dwd phoenix

[Potterhead]

Sending hugs phoenix xxx

[Aspasia]

Hi and a (belated) welcome from me too!

[phoenix]

Thank you everyone, feels nice to know I can talk openly and have some support ad I don't get it from people around me. On top of my own battle with depression for 14years, I also feel I have no choice but to help my mother aswell, who has battled depression all my life and had recently been discharged from hospital after being sectioned under the mental health section 2 act. She has a cpn but still relies heavily on me. Just seems one thing after another.

[Angie]

awww hun you have alot on your plate right now make sure you look after yourself aswell though(bear)

[phoenix]

I do try, I take it as it comes, well I try. Even if I'm not hungry I make myself something so I try to eat with my daughter. As she's not a good eater and never has been it hopefully encourages her to. Sleep is off the menu but the doc said as the meds start working it will hopefully even it out as I feel better. I sometimes just sit and watch my gorgeous daughter and blame myself for bringing her into a world where she sees me struggling. I don't want her to have a childhood like mine. I don't want her to see me suffer like I did with my own mother/stepfather. I want to get better for her sake but most importantly my own. I've already spoke to doc about my other health problems and she said resolving these should also aid my recovery. I hope she's right. X

[Potterhead]

Phoenix don't worry about your daughter not being a huge eater my ds1 is a awful eater and will only eat certain stuff, i use to get worried sick about it, but when he gets his health checks his weight is fine etc, it also means i have to make a extra meal.

Listen you will and can get better, if i can when i was very ill so can you.

Sorry if this seems rude can't you take a step back from your mother, not totally but you have help yourself first and get better, when u say u have no choice what do u mean by this ?

[phoenix]

I wish i could take a step back but I'm the only one, my sister is serving in the army n my brother emigrated years ago. It's not that u don't want to help but obviously have other things I need to deal with which is why I'm finally getting help (and support from you all :)) I know my daughter is physically ok but mothers worry don't we. I'm just grateful to you all letting me moan on. I feel a bit better getting it off my chest.

[Angie]

Glad that you are finding it helpful here hun, it does help to get it off your chest

[Suzi]

It really does help to get it off your cheast and out of your head. So glad that you found us ;)

[veggie]

Hello and welcome from me...sorry i'm late to your thread it's been a hectic few days here but i will catch up properly with you in the next day or so. In the meantime have a huge hug(bear)

[chris]

hi from me ever need a listening ear ,i am here