Heyyy...

[Aspasia]

Hey everyone. I don't think many of you on here will remember me but I'm Aspasia. Many moons ago I was a mod on here (I'm the reason for the (panda) smiley) and Suzi was a very dear friend.

I drifted away from the forum due to huge life changes including moving abroad/changing career etc., although I continued to follow on FB.

However it's 4 in the morning on NYE here and I'm sat in floods of tears. I can't wait for this year to be over, it's been hell, and the worst part is there is no-one I can really tell how I feel. I've always been self-sufficient and ok with being alone... but I'm at breaking point, I don't think I can cope anymore. 2023 was so damn hard and I'm so damn lonely - and I can't see a way 2024 will be different.

So here I am again, hoping this will help me remember I'm not alone in feeling like this and that it will be ok.

To those who remember me - I have missed you. To those I'm new to, it really is nice to meet you.

[Paula]

Hey gorgeous! It’s so wonderful to see you - I’m just so sorry it’s because you’re struggling.. yeah 2023 has been shit, with a capital S. you’re amongst friends, lovely, you’re not alone (panda)

[OldMike]

Hi Aspasia, I joined DWD in the latter part of 2015 and like you am a retired mod, I think this the first time we have met. I'm sorry this year (2023) has been rubbish hopefully next year will be better.

On a lighter note Mr/Ms Panda is my fav smiley (panda)

[Jaquaia]

Welcome back! I just wish it wasn't because you're struggling so much (panda)

[Aspasia]

Thanks all. OldMike I remember you but I think from the tail-end of my 'lurkers' phase so not sure we ever actually met :) Paula and Jaq, sending lots of pandahugs to you both!

[SJW180]

Hey there Aspasia. I’m sorry you’ve been having such a tough time lately. I hate New Year and always get emotional just the way you have. It takes time but it won’t be awful forever.

[Aspasia]

Hi SJW180! It's true I've never really liked New Year. I think it comes with a ridiculous weight of expectations, both for the night itself (have fun, be social, drink and be merry) and for the new year itself (be positive, make resolutions, get organised, lose weight, get healthy, get promoted, get narried, whatever). It's impossible to live up to.

[SJW180]

Oh I get ya. Not just the expectations but also the reflection of the past. I don’t have an answer for the emotional side of things cos every year is a struggle, but the expectations, don’t buy into it. If you don’t wanna party, don’t party. If you don’t wanna make a resolution then don’t do it. You only have one life and it’s yours to live how you see fit. Don’t let yourself be bullied into what is the “social norm” if that’s not what you want. Just be you and in time hopefully that will be enough for you to be happy.

[Strugglingmum]

Hi Aspasia, lovely to meet you. I'm so sorry 2023 has been so rubbish and left you feeling so low. My NY is very low key.
Here is to hoping 2024 surprises us all and is a bit easier

[Aspasia]

Nice to meet you Strugglingmum. Wishing you all the best too x

[magie06]

Hi welcome back. I get where you are coming from. All the drink and be merry and having a picture perfect Christmas and New Year is all for show. I think it's only about 5% of the population can live up to it. All of the rest of us, just wing it. There are a lot of us who find it the hardest few days to get through. Many people we loved may have passed away, maybe there has been a lot of illness in the home or maybe we've broken up with the person who was our soulmate. There are a lot of things to upset us, and probably a lot more that we tell no-one.

Perhaps writing a journal may help. It helped me for a while, but then I got bored. Maybe getting out into nature, once a week to begin with, and building up to once a day. Perhaps it's the right time to talk to your doctor or primary care giver. Sometimes we all need professional help.

[Aspasia]

Hi magie :)

It's been an 'interesting' year. I've had major regrets about my job which I took in the middle of 2022 and the move from France. I miss the friends and life I had there, and the job here hasn't been everything I hoped with a crazy workload, little management support, and the challenges of the difficult economic situation here in Egypt creating a lot of pressure. And I don't have the same social life or support network I was able to create in Paris. Part of the curse of promotion I guess...

I lost two very dear friends (Suzi and another friend) in the same week. Both too young, both leaving behind children... it shook me. Neither were people I saw or spoke to daily yet both were important to me and both were a shock. Vera had cancer so it shouldn't have been a shock but we thought she was in remission so...

I also found out in Spring that my ex, who dumped me out of the blue at the end of 2022, had actually done so because he had been diagnosed with cancer and it was some sort of attempt not to burden me. We ended up getting back together because I was not gonna let that get in the way... and we even got engaged which felt like a minor miracle because honestly I'd given up on that ever happening for me... I was making plans to move to be with him, had even finally told people about it (as he was Egyptian this is a big deal as we knew there would be family resistance). Then he ended things AGAIN, over the phone, saying some really horrible and upsetting things and immediately blocking me so I still don't really know what actually happened. That was fun.

In October I got ill. Put off going to the doctor and tried to push through but ended up there anyway and was off work for a month with a skin infection that ended up going down into my leg muscle and made me unable to walk without excruciating pain. The muscle infection is solved now and I'm back up and about but the skin infection is not fully gone yet so I'm still tired all the time and feel icky.

Then recently the issues in Palestine have really unsettled me. Living and working in the region makes it hit differently, I think.

So yeah... 2023. Good riddance, glad it's over.

[Strugglingmum]

Such an awful lot Aspasia, I'm not surprised you are struggling. I cant imagine what all that has been like for you, especially with little support. (panda)

[Jaquaia]

No wonder you're struggling, that's a hell of a lot for anyone to deal with! I'm so sorry you were treated so poorly (panda)

[SJW180]

Wow! Your year mirrors mine in so many ways. Generally pretty shit.

[Aspasia]

No wonder you're struggling, that's a hell of a lot for anyone to deal with! I'm so sorry you were treated so poorly (panda)

Thanks Jaq. Being treated the way my fiancé treated me - it didn't just hurt in the moment, but left me rethinking the entire relationship, and left me with so many questions. In a way that's worse than the fact the relationship ended.

[Paula]

Oh sweetheart, I’m so sorry it’s been so very shitty (panda). Please stick around as I know being in this community will help