Money troubles!

[Pixie85]

I'm feeling beyond fed up right now! I won't bore you all with the details....I'm fed up of even listening to myself! I have to cancel my session this week....haven't even been able to pay for last week's session yet. I just hate not having any money! I'm not getting what I should be at all, It's ridiculous!

[Paula]

Have you thought about contacting Citizens Advice to get some help dealing with finances?

[Pixie85]

Oh I've tried that. They tell me I'm getting what I'm supposed to but I know I'm not. I should of had £750 from Nov that I still haven't had and I can't even be bothered chasing that anymore. I'm not getting anything from little ones dad either....to help with things. I've just had Evies birthday, I've had to buy bits of school uniform as needed replacing/lost and I'm getting ridiculous amount of bank charges for living in my overdraft!

[Paula]

Have you asked them for help getting maintenance from your ex?

[Pixie85]

Not yet. I've been told he'll give me money when he can but he doesn't have it to give.... but then he's going to tenerife on a stag weekend soon!

[Paula]

“You’ll have to pay child maintenance if you:

are the child’s biological or adoptive parent
don’t live with the child as part of their family
are the child's legal parent“

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/family/children-and-young-people/child-maintenance1/check-what-child-maintenance-arrangement-is-right-for-you/

[Pixie85]

I know he owes me and he knows it too. I just don't think he has much himself either

[Paula]

Ok, but his priority should be providing for his children, not going on a stag weekend…. Love, why are you protecting him from his responsibilities?

[Pixie85]

I'm not. I'm thinking more about myself and the kick off I would get. I just can't be doing with any of it. To make it worse, I checked my universal credit statement and they've taken £633 off me because they've said I've earnt £1496 this month! I'm not even working, so I don't know how they've figured that out but it's just messed it up even more! I've spokent o them but it's been passed on to someone else and I hate not knowing what's going to happen with it because I absolutely can not be £633 short this month ;(

[Paula]

I get it, love, more than you know. But the most important thing is being able to pay your bills, not worrying about his reaction. Please speak to Citizens Advice, if nothing else they should help you with the £633 - a letter from Citizens Advice to DWP can always help any situation

[Suzi]

Sweetheart, I know exactly what it's like having to live from one week to the next counting every single penny just to put food on the table for my babies.... BUT hunni, you have to be proactive in getting things sorted. You need financial support. If he's going to go on a stag weekend then he can pay to feed his babies and for the new uniform. Those are essentials, going and drinking the money that could have been used for that is unacceptable. You wouldn't be able to do so, so why does he?
I'm also wondering why you protect him and why you don't hold him accountable for any negatives. Being a father is generally easy, but being a Dad is so much harder. It's about standing up and putting your babies first. Our children are now 22, 19 and nearly 18. There have been points when my husband was having a breakdown when he wasn't really involved as much with the day-to-day stuff, but he still was there for those events such as performances or parents' evenings... He still feels guilty for not being there when they were little, but they don't remember that. I wonder how your ex feels about the time he's been absent or not provided for them - whether that's through his own earnings or through benefits/organised maintenance payments - you can't choose to provide for them or go away for (what could be) an expensive weekend away...

I know you say that he hasn't got much, but love what do you have/are able to pay for that isn't a luxury, but would cost the same as this stag weekend - he isn't going to have been paid for, drinks and all meals paid for by the groom..... Each pint will add up love.

Sweetheart, do you see how unfair and wrong he is? With the way he's treated you in the past, etc and you are constantly putting his wants above your children and putting you at the bottom of the list. Love, counselling is far more important than going away and drinking...
I know you're going to read my reply and think I'm being harsh and unfair. That may be true, but I can only say it as I see it - that and I've always promised to be honest and tell the truth as to what I feel from replies.
Hunni, you need to try to put yourself first love, you are so so important and loved and wanted by your little ones... I wonder what you'd say if it was one of them being treated like this? Or what if it was me or one of your close friends?

[Strugglingmum]

Just reminding you that you and your children are worth the very best. X

[Pixie85]

I've managed to get £50 from him. So that's enough to get some shopping in. I've charged last weeks session to a credit card....so that card is maxed out but at least I can keep the session tomorrow. I'll figure out how to pay it before next session....don't want to start missing sessions! It's all uphill at the mo!

[Suzi]

Did you speak to him about how right things are for you right now? Did you mention to him about how you arw feeling about him going away when you Are struggling to put food on the table and0 to get school uniforms?

[Pixie85]

I've not said much. Things get turned around and he ends up getting mad at me about stuff. I'm not even bothered about him going away. It's a weekend that I won't have to see him.

[Suzi]

True, but he has responsibilities too love. Would you think about getting some help from the CAB?

[Pixie85]

I know. I've spoken to universal credit this morning and they going to sort it ASAP....All I needed was money for food/so I didn't miss my session this morning and I sorted that, at least. I've had an emotional morning and I don't want to add drama to it....I'm tired today!

[Suzi]

I understand that love, but you shouldn't be in that position. I know things aren't straight forward between you and him, but he seems to be getting everything he wants whilst you go without and I hate that. You don't deserve it at all.

[Pixie85]

I know, it's a shitty situation. I will get things sorted and I will sort things out with child support....just feel like I have to get myself a little stronger in myself before I try to sort this out with him

[Suzi]

I can understand this love, but really he's just treating you and the kids abysmally - you especially..