2022 has to be better….

[Paula]

Oooo Si and I are going to the pub for a (completely impulsive) lunch!

[Suzi]

Are you packed?

[Stella180]

How was lunch?

[Paula]

I’ve packed what I can. Lunch was lovely :)

[Suzi]

Woohoo! Have a great time away lovely!

[Stella180]

I get the feeling you are high maintenance when it comes to packing but that’s cool so long as you feel comfortable. So glad lunch was good.

[Paula]

No, I'm not really. I have my basics and I know exactly where to put my hands on them, and that’s it.

Oh, and I’m back!! It was a fantastic weekend but I was pushed so far out of my comfort zone and ended up in tears yesterday. But I learnt so much and am glad I went. Im paying for it though today

[Jaquaia]

You're awesome! Lots of rest now (panda)

[Suzi]

Sorry you ended up in tears. Do you want to talk about it? Pacing and resting day today?

[Paula]

Not really much to talk about. We were getting together for a group photo and I got trapped surrounded by the whole group of 45 women. I was already at the end of my resources and it was just too much. But I was literally held together (and standing) by some wonderful friends

[Suzi]

That could be overwhelming for anyone, the fact that you went and survived and enjoyed it is amazing.

[Strugglingmum]

Glad you had a good weekend. Rest up today.

[Paula]

I had a horrendous headache all yesterday afternoon and evening. I’m sooo exhausted. Today will be another resting day I think

[Suzi]

Sorry about the headache, but resting is needed. You fought your anxiety all weekend and the week preceding it too. You are totally allowed to need to snuggle and rest and pace this week love.

[Paula]

Not helping that Jax has his surgery tomorrow. I’m anxious and Si’s even worse, so I’m having to deal with that too.

[Stella180]

What was the final decision? Cutting the tendon?

[Paula]

Yes. We spoke to the vet again yesterday and she said just digging out the corn may require months of aftercare, and may still not work. Cutting the tendon is much more sensible

[Stella180]

Still sounds drastic but both vets have recommended it so sure it’s the right choice

[Suzi]

Poor baby.... Will be around if you want distraction....

[Paula]

I still feel like crap. My head is thumping and I’ve been sleeping on and off all afternoon. I just want to go back to bed….

[Flo]

I'm sorry you're feeling so poorly! Hope you feel better soon.xxx

[Suzi]

I hope you get some more rest tonight. You really need to focus more on pacing, resting, drinking and eating properly.

[Paula]

Jax is home - stressed but the op went well

I’m better than I was, getting there

[Suzi]

Is he doing OK?

[Strugglingmum]

Glad he's home and it's over. Always a relief. X

[Paula]

He’s very groggy and still very stressed, but he’s just eaten some chicken :)

[Stella180]

Always a good sign that he’s eating.

[OldMike]

He’s very groggy and still very stressed, but he’s just eaten some chicken :)

That's good I'm sure he'll soon be back to normal.

[Suzi]

How's he doing this morning?

How are you? Have you recovered from the weekend?

[Paula]

He’s ok, hopping but I don’t know if that’s pain or the bandage ;). The antibiotics are messing with his tummy though, poor baby

I’m ok, not quite there but much better than I was - even managed to get some make up on and not freak out that Si’s gone to the office….

[Suzi]

Try goats milk for his tummy ;) It's a really old help...
Poor Jax!

How was your day love?

[Paula]

Remember when your kids are little, feeling poorly and cling to your skirts all day, whining? That. But in the form of a 38kg dog instead…….

[Stella180]

Awwww, poor baby.

[Suzi]

How is he today? How are you?

[Paula]

He’s ok, still limping a bit but is putting weight on it. I’m ok, still a ¡title tired but I’ll live :)

[Suzi]

It must feel strange for him, poor baby.
Are you resting and pacing?

[Paula]

If resting and pacing is doing cross stitch….. ;) still, it’s worth it - it’s nearly finished!

[Suzi]

Oh wow! Can't wait to see a pic when it's done!

[Paula]

Well, after a few months of pain, Jax is back to himself!

[Stella180]

Awww that’s good news. Give him an extra cuddle from me.

[Suzi]

YAY! That's fabulous news!

[Paula]

I’VE FINISHED KATIE’S PICTURE! (party)

[Suzi]

WOOHOO!!! Well done! When do we get to see?

[Paula]

After I’ve framed it and given it to Katie ;)

[Stella180]

You mean you’re going to make up wait?

[Paula]

No one gets to see the finished piece before Katie!

[Suzi]

I hate that I totally understand that!

[Paula]

(rofl)

[Stella180]

Katie better hurry up and come see it then lol

[Suzi]

How are you today love?

[Paula]

Good :)

[Paula]

Ok, I know you’ve been impatient (not mentioning any names….)

https://i.ibb.co/56h3XX1/9-F025770-7679-4-B24-97-AC-16-C5-DD9-E9-E4-F.jpg (https://ibb.co/XbxPffW)

[Jaquaia]

That's absolutely beautiful! Lucky Katie!

[Paula]

Thanks :)

[Stella180]

Very impressive. I bet Katie loves it.

[Paula]

She does!

[Suzi]

It's totally stunningly awesome! I hope you're proud of it!

[Paula]

I really am

[Suzi]

You totally should be! How are you today? Are you starting a new project?

[Paula]

Revising this week, but I will be starting something (much easier) for mum and dad’s golden wedding anniversary

[Suzi]

When are your exams? What's the plan for their WA? When is it?

[Flo]

What a sweet pussycat! I really must get back to my cross stitch...I hate revising!(yawn)

[Paula]

When are your exams? What's the plan for their WA? When is it?

I take my exam when I want before a certain date. I’ve got plenty of time so I’m not stressing, but it’d be good to get this one under the belt before I forget everything!

Their anniversary is 2 September. They’re coming up the following day and we’re (family and closest friends) having a meal at a nice restaurant nearby, in their private room

Trouble with their 50th, it reminds me how near mine is (giggle)

[Suzi]

ROFL

Sounds like lovely plans!

[Stella180]

Oh don’t worry Paula, I won’t let you forget ;) Do you see what a good friend I am lol

[Jaquaia]

It's James' parents 50th anniversary next year. And my mum's and dad's 40th. And mine and J's 40th. Throw in a wedding and it's an expensive year!!! (rofl)

[Paula]

Oh don’t worry Paula, I won’t let you forget ;) Do you see what a good friend I am lol

Pfft.

[Suzi]

Morning love, how are you today?

[Paula]

Nervous. I’m seeing the neurologist today so, not only do I have to go to the hospital, I’ve also going to face him telling me off because I’ve gained weight……

[Stella180]

Will he tell you off though? I’m sure it won’t be as bad as you think. You have a valid reason for having gained weight and if he can’t understand that, tough titty. You do so much to try and balance all your health conditions and that’s not an easy thing to do. Sometimes one condition will take priority over another, that’s just how it has be sometimes but you will got everything back of track again.

[Paula]

He will tell me off. Every appointment I am ‘reminded’ that weight is the #1 possible cause of IIH - even though weight loss or gain has never actually made a difference in me!

But you’re right…

[Suzi]

You've been so poorly hunni, let Si back you up x

[Paula]

They didn’t weigh me!! (party).

But, more importantly, he says my eyes are good and, if they’re the same next time I see him, I may be able to come of the diuretics!!!

[Stella180]

See, not the negative appointment you were expecting. Keep up the good work.

[Suzi]

That's fabulous news! Well done love!!

[Paula]

Currently eating my body weight in chocolate to celebrate (giggle)

[Stella180]

Fair play to you. Savour every mouthful.

[Suzi]

Hooray! You desperately deserve it!

[Paula]

OMG OMG OMG I just got 100% in my latest exam!!!

[Jaquaia]

Go you!!!!

[Suzi]

That's AWESOME! Well done lovely!

[Stella180]

OMG OMG OMG I just got 100% in my latest exam!!!

Yeah. Of course you did. You are freaking awesome.

[Paula]

Lol Jess called me a neek. Katie’s asked “WTF is wrong with you?” (rofl)

[Stella180]

Well if they both got your brains they will do really well in life.

[Paula]

Ooooo I’ve just submitted 3 blog ideas to Mind….. let’s see if they take it up ;)

[Suzi]

I'm sure they'll want every single one!

[Paula]

So, our holiday to the Cotswolds is going to be a bit muted. Jax has kennel cough (and the vet is assuming Demi will get it too) so we aren’t allowed to take the dogs in public places…..

[Jaquaia]

Poor thing! Hope he's not too poorly with it (panda)

[Paula]

He’s a bit subdued but ok. It sounds horrible - reminds me of when Jess had croup

[Stella180]

I was going to ask what happens when you have two dogs, whether you have to isolate them or not in the home. I’ve never had more that one dog at a time so never thought about it before.

[Paula]

Apparently they can pick it up just from sniffing where another dog has coughed, so it’s useless to think the other dog in the same home won’t get it. The vets so convinced Demi will get it she’s already given me antibiotics for her

[Suzi]

Oh love, are you still going? Still taking them?

[Paula]

Yes and yes. Vet just advised to keep him away from public spaces, and said the antibiotics should help within a couple of days

[Suzi]

I remember the sound of croup (Hazel used to get it a lot) and so I appreciate how awful it sounds... Any sign of Demi having caught it yet?

[Paula]

I said that to Si last night - Jess had croup and it’s almost exactly the same noise! Demi seems fine atm *crosses everything*

[Suzi]

I really feel for you...

[Paula]

Hi all! I’m home!!

We had a lovely, relaxing holiday generally. Thankfully the antibiotics for Jax kicked in really quickly and he had his last coughs on Saturday. Demi seems to have escaped it.

We didn’t push ourselves too much but over the past week I: managed to go into a gift shop and buy pressies for the kids ON MY OWN; had pub drinks one day and a pub lunch the following day; talked to strangers; browsed round Chipping Norton. And today I went into sainsburys with Si. And, all of this without taking a single lorazepam. I have realised, though, that a lot of my anxiety is centred around worries that someone’s going to bash into my leg or stick as I’m much more relaxed when I’m in the scooter.

[Jaquaia]

So pleased you had a fab holiday!

Did you bring me a stick of rock back? ;)

[Suzi]

I couldn't be more thrilled for you! That's so amazing! OO, it's made me all emotional!

[Paula]

So pleased you had a fab holiday!

Did you bring me a stick of rock back? ;)

Ermmmmm ;)

[Stella180]

So glad you had a lovely time away and glad the the pups are good. I’m also glad to have you back.

[Paula]

Tomorrow, my baby is 21. I’d never admit it to her or Si but it’s actually a really bittersweet time for me. I had antenatal depression, along with a lot of physical issues and some scares, a very traumatic birth, and then severe PND for a very long time. I have the most incredible daughter that I’m so proud of and I’ve never, ever thought of any of the trauma as her fault, but I can’t help but have a part of me that dreads this day.

[Stella180]

You dread this day? Despite all these issues you brought a beautiful little girl into this world and raised her the best the woman she is today. I know you have had your issues and that she’s a daddy’s girl but you have still had a positive influence in her life and with you as her mum and female role model she can go on to be anything she wants to be. You’ve raised two strong women and should be proud.

[Paula]

Part of me dreads this….

[Stella180]

That part needs to sit in the corner and be quiet lol

You are awesome.

[Jaquaia]

Part of me dreads this….

And it's ok to do so. Well done for acknowledging those feelings. Knowing you though, I suspect that part of you feels guilty for those feelings(panda)

[Paula]

Erm… maybe

[OldMike]

Tomorrow, my baby is 21. I’d never admit it to her or Si but it’s actually a really bittersweet time for me. I had antenatal depression, along with a lot of physical issues and some scares, a very traumatic birth, and then severe PND for a very long time. I have the most incredible daughter that I’m so proud of and I’ve never, ever thought of any of the trauma as her fault, but I can’t help but have a part of me that dreads this day.

You got through all that and came out stronger with a wonderful daughter so raise a glass of your favourite tipple and enjoy this special day.

[Suzi]

Can I ask why you are dreading it?
You know you're amazing.... I'm glad you're talking about it. It's so important.

[Paula]

Because I’m beginning to realise I never dealt with it

[Suzi]

I can totally understand that... I don't think I've dealt with a lot of the trauma from the births and pnd with each of mine. I think it's quite a common thing. Maybe now you could think about trying to get some help to deal with it?

[Stella180]

Because I’m beginning to realise I never dealt with it

;( I too can relate to that. I carry a lot of guilt around over the births of my kids. We are all told to be grateful that they are healthy like that’s all that matters and we are expected to just gloss over everything else. Even now I still can’t watch things like Call the midwife or anything relating to childbirth without it bringing back memories and feelings I don’t want cos I still can’t address them. Of course everything that happened since I brought my boys into the world has only added to it.

You however have had a completely different journey and I know you don’t have the same kind of connection with Jess that you have with Katie but they are two different people and having to juggle how you deal with each is a talent in itself. You are a great mum and fab role model and yes there were traumatic experiences that you had no control over but regardless of that you still did a great job raising them both and that is amazing.

[Paula]

Number 3 of 3 celebrations this week for Jess’s birthday is over. She has had a great week, I think :). I’m beyond exhausted but that’s partly because I was awake at 5 this morning…

[Stella180]

You’re only 21 once, however I’ve been celebrating my 21th for the past 27yrs.

[Suzi]

I'm so glad she's had such a good week!
Hope you're planning on pacing and resting this week!

[Paula]

I am;)

[Suzi]

Good!

[Paula]

Ermmmm so part chuffed and part terrified. I’ve been asked to attend a meeting to discuss being a Guest Editor for the Mind MH charity’s membership magazine….. (blush)

And, I’ve spoken to my GP this morning who’s referred me to physio with my back. Also slightly terrified about that lol

[Stella180]

That is EPIC!

[Suzi]

So proud of you on both counts!

[Jaquaia]

Brilliant!!!!

[Strugglingmum]

Aw well done Paula. You're a star

[Paula]

Yesterday I went to sainsburys on my own. Today, Si and I went to a nearby home and garden centre. It was busy but I didn’t freak out! Tomorrow, I’ve got my first meeting with the hospitals Disability Champions group. And for the last few days I’ve been driving to Katie’s to feed her cats every day. I finally feel like I’ve got me back :)

[Allalone]

Well done you!! That’s fantastic!!

[Stella180]

You’re so much stronger than you think you little social butterfly.

[Suzi]

That's an amazing post! I'm so proud of you and pleased for you.

[Paula]

That was scary - just had a phone call with the woman who’ll be marking my assessments for a Mental Health First Aid course!

[Stella180]

Scary? You know you’ll knock it out of the park.

[Suzi]

Go you! When are you doing it?

[Paula]

Starting now, really. It's a 12 week course with 3 separate assessment dates

[Suzi]

That sounds brilliant!

[Paula]

I know I’ve been quiet - I’ll admit my back is extremely sore atm so everything is taking every ounce of energy I’ve got. Still, I rang up physio today and (rather than a six month wait) I’ve got a cancellation appointment Thursday16th. Really, really hope they can help me - I went out with a very, very short walk with así yesterday and a few yards down the road was almost knocked sideways by stabbing pains. It was a very slow walk back….

[Suzi]

I'm glad you're talking. Is this still from using a borrowed scooter?

[Paula]

Yes. My hip and back were troubling me before that but it’s so much worse now. We’re planning a Costco visit, and I’ve told Si I’ll need my manual wheelchair. I haven’t used that for years….

[Strugglingmum]

Glad you have physio soon. Big (gentle) hugs.

[Suzi]

Are you going to be able to use your manual one or does that mean Si pushing you?

[Paula]

It was a bit of both. It’s been a while and Si has forgotten wheelchair etiquette like leaving me facing the other way to whoever’s talking lol

So, in case you hadn’t noticed, I’ve not been around for a day or so. This is due to the council digging through 1500 fibres, 7m underground - we lost internet, mobile and landline! It was horrible, we had to talk to each other ;)

[Stella180]

How on earth did you cope? Lol

[Suzi]

It's good to have you back, I missed you.

[Paula]

How on earth did you cope? Lol

We all got in the car and drove up the road just to have half hour of connectivity (rofl)

[Stella180]

Seriously? Well at least you didn’t resort to Monopoly for family entertainment. We all know how that ends lol

[Suzi]

It's good to have you back :) How's the resting and pacing going?

[Paula]

I’ve been good today but am very aware that I’ve got studying to do. But first tomorrow I have an appointment with a jewellers to finalise my order for a new/old engagement ring! (My 20th wedding anniversary present - which was august last year ;))

[Suzi]

How did the appointment with the jewellers go?

[Paula]

Oh wow! The design is beautiful! I got a bit emotional……. It’ll be ready just in time for our 21st anniversary ;). While I was there I took at look at men’s wedding rings - I’ve asked for a quote for a men’s titanium ring, which will be a whole lot more durable than his gold one. Hopefully a surprise anniversary present for Si :)

[Suzi]

That's so fabulous! Can't wait to see it!

[Paula]

my brain is whirring. We’ve decided we’re going to do everything in the house that needs doing, pretty much all at once. So that includes, redecorating all 3 halls and 2 flights of stairs, redecorating the master bedroom, repairing and painting the en-suite, painting the kitchen and utility rooms, new back door, boarding the loft, removing tiles in downstairs shower and en-suite and replacing with panels and splash backs, replacing the worktops in the en-suite, re-carpeting halls and 3 x bedrooms (although we may put wood floor in the master bedroom), and new flooring in the en-suite. I have spent most of the past couple of days contacting the trades, we saw the plumber this morning, and the windows people for the back door this afternoon. The carpet people are coming out tomorrow. Oh and we’re going for a test drive on Friday.

……….

[Jaquaia]

Not got much on then!

[Paula]

Not at all…..

[Stella180]

Erm, test drive?

[Paula]

My motability car is up for renewal

[Stella180]

Already? That’s come round quick. What you going to test drive?

[Suzi]

Wow! That's going to be busy. Are you going to be able to manage all that work on the house?

What are you test driving?

[Paula]

I don’t know, I’m tired so was doubting myself this evening but Si’s convinced I’ve got it.

A Toyota Corolla. Not my first choice but, with all the issues worldwide it looks like it’s my only choice. I love my car and don’t want to let it go but that’s the deal with a motability car

[Stella180]

Corolla is a nice car. See how the test drive goes first.

[Suzi]

Go and look, there are always other options if you don't like it.

How are you doing atm love? Sciatica? Pain?

[Paula]

Sciatica, pain..

Busy again today. I’ve got to get some work over to my tutor this morning, I’ve already contacted 3 decorators, I’m meeting my best friend for lunch, and the carpet people are coming at 4.

[Suzi]

Oh no, sorry you're still struggling with sciatica and pain. Hazel and I both sympathise totally.. It's definitely flare up season in our house...

You are busy.... Could you possibly have spread things out a little?

Are you doing all this work to the house to keep it or are you still thinking about moving?

[Paula]

Keeping it for now, until it looks like Jess will be moving out.

[Suzi]

Glad you have a plan ;) I'd quite like Marc to finally decorate the hall and stairs - we've only had the paint and paper for 2+ years.............. But where he's been struggling all of it has taken a massive backseat...

[Paula]

Had physio, confirmed I have a severely inflamed sciatic nerve. I’ve got gentle exercises to do and see her again in 3 weeks. She’s also, when the sciatica has settled, going to work on strengthening my leg. However, I was gently told off for overdoing it on my ‘good’ days…..

[Stella180]

You over doing it on good days? Now there’s a surprise. Not. Sciatica sucks big time and you have my sympathy.

[Suzi]

I sympathise completely..
I'm glad you're getting help love, it's about time ;)

[Paula]

*not sulking* Si is taking the physio’s instructions to heart and made me cancel the test drive today….

[Stella180]

Oh now that sucks.