My introduction

[LE18]

Hi, I’m new just now. I’m struggling a lot, I’m waiting for my first CBT appointment which is in a couple of weeks. I’m at work, and I really don’t want to be here, but because I’m a single parent, I need to pay the bills. I don’t know whether to ask my employer how long I would get full pay before statutory sick pay kicks in, I think if I ask, they will assume I’m going to go off and I don’t want it to appear that I’m going off just for the hell of it. I just need some space. I’ve asked my partner for some space which is helping, but now I worry about them being ok. I just don’t know how to take any steps forward. Thanks for listening….. if anyone’s out there….

[Jaquaia]

Hi and welcome. Fingers crossed the CBT will really help. Until then, you'll find a friendly, non-judgemental space to talk here.

[LE18]

I should probably explain the single parent/ I have a partner thing. I have recently bought my own home in which I live alone with my daughter. I have been seeing someone for a couple of months, so I wouldn’t class it as a full on relationship just yet, but I have asked them for space as they have adhd and I struggle with their aggression and repetitiveness a lot when I’m feeling low

[Paula]

Hi, hunni, and welcome. Are you in the UK? If so, do you have your terms and conditions of employment? If so, it should set out your contractual sick pay entitlement in there. If not, you’ll be able to get a copy from your employer - you can just tell them you’ve lost your copy, so no need to ask about sick pay.

Are you on any medication? Do you have any support? Is the kid’s other parent involved?

[LE18]

Hi, yes in Lincolnshire. I don’t have a terms and conditions, been here over 8 years and never been given a contract! Big company too! But yes, I shall ask for a copy and hopefully they won’t question it too much, thank you :)

No, I tried medication about 9 years ago and I just didn’t feel any benefits personally so I want to try and go without…. I don’t like to bother my family as I am the only one that suffers with my mental health, the others don’t really understand it, I get told to ‘get it sorted’ a lot, or, ‘you’re just a bit down, you’ll be alright’.

But yes, my daughters dad is involved and we share her half the week and alternate weekends. I feel happier when I have her, I pull my socks up and I am better with her, but unfortunately having her more isn’t an option as her dad won’t have the discussion of her spending longer with me because he likes to be equally as involved, which is good really.

[Suzi]

Hi and welcome!
You should NEVER put up with any aggression. ADHD doesn't make you aggressive (I'm waiting my assessment for it).
Re medication - there are SO many different Anti d's with different ways of working etc that although you had some years ago it might be worth not ruling them out?
I'm sorry your family don't understand, maybe you could show them resources which might help them understand (try the mind website)

I'm sorry that you struggle when she's not with you. On those weekends you don't have her what kind of things do you do? Do you meet up with friends? Have any hobbies?

[LE18]

I try to understand her adhd, but it’s difficult. The way she grabs me when she’s excitable or nervous, it hurts, and I just struggle to deal with it without getting upset or annoyed sometimes, which makes me not want to continue things with her, but it’s not her fault and she struggles without me, so now I almost feel it’s my duty to be there to keep her happy and stop her being self destructive (betting).

I may speak with a doctor, I just personally feel that meds aren’t my path currently, but I shan’t rule them out. I am just hoping therapy will be the thing to help my mind deal with things better, it’s generalised anxiety that I have been diagnosed with, so I just struggle to find the fun in anything social really.

I play football for a local ladies team, I enjoy training, but when it comes to matches on a Sunday, I become anxious as to whether I’ll be picked, the vast majority of the time I am picked, however then I wonder if I’m actually any good whilst on the field. I have no friends other than seeing the ladies at football on Wednesdays and occasional Sundays. But they have their own families and friends, so I wouldn’t want to bother them with my problems, although the captain has said I can talk to her whenever I want or need to, which was nice.

[Suzi]

Hunni, that's not a healthy relationship. That's abuse. It's definitely not your duty to look out for her, I assume she's over 18 and able to make her own choices? Then she is able to take responsibility for her own actions. Hurting you is not acceptable ever...

I'm glad you're not ruling out meds, but I am definitely glad you're going to seek therapy love.

It sounds to me that you could do with working on your own self worth. What do you do FOR YOU?

[LE18]

We have known each other for a bit longer than we have been seeing each other, and I just know that if we have a falling out, she self destructs and does things that I then feel are my fault, and my responsibility to fix. I know deep down they are not, but it’s hard to finally say enough is enough, but I’m trying…

Yes, I do feel it’s myself that I need to concentrate on, that I need to help. Hopefully I can, I’m just stuck in that darkness right now and struggle to come out of it sometimes to see the right path. But thank you for your words, they are certainly what I need to be listening to and taking note of :)

[Suzi]

I'm glad you're finding what we say helpful hunni.
Her reactions are NOT your fault at all. Please know that.

[Paula]

Can I ask whether you really want to be with her, or whether it’s just easier not to rock the boat?

[LE18]

I feel that I am better off alone for now, and she is possibly not what I’m looking for in a partner. I would like to be alone for a few months or whatever amount of time would help me settle. But I really don’t want to upset her, she has no family or friends over here, she moved here for a job and then I met her. I feel like I’m all she has :(

[Paula]

Would it be possible for you to go back to being friends?

[LE18]

Maybe, I think I shall tell her that I need more time apart and see if she maybe feels less stressed too. Thanks for your help

[Suzi]

Hope telling her goes well lovely.

[OldMike]

Hi LE18 I'm glad you found DWD :)