What's wrong with me?!

[Shanti-Pops]

Hi all,

It's been quite a few years since I've posted on here but here goes.

I've had a baby who's 9 months old and I'm due back at work in 2 weeks time.

Over the past few weeks my mood has suddenly changed, I'm feeling really low, I keep crying for no reason, I feel utterly useless like I've failed my son and just feel sad all of the time. Not to mention the fact that i have zero energy.

I suffer from BPD and depression but this has been managed for quite a few years but I can't seem to snap out of how I'm feeling.

Is this what other people felt like who had a baby and was returning to work soon?

Thank you

X

[Paula]

Hi hunni, it’s good to see you! I’m sorry it’s because you’re struggling though (panda)

Have you spoken to your doctor? Yes, going back to work may have triggered this as it’s a big change, but it might also be a touch of post natal depression. Or a bit of both. Talk to your GP, love, so they can help you figure this out.

Are you looking after yourself? Eating properly? Drinking enough? Getting as much rest as you can with a little one around ;)? Are you taking some time to be kind to you?

[Suzi]

Hey lovely, so sorry you're struggling...

Hunni I agree with Paula - have you spoken to your Dr/Health Visitor? I had PND with each of my 3 babies and it's not something I'd wish on my worst enemy. Sweetheart, I also went back to work when our eldest was 6 months old... I really, really struggled, so you aren't alone. Please, please, please talk to someone lovely. I'm not diagnosing you, but I do want to urge you to speak to your dr. If you can only get an "emergency" appointment then get it. This is your health and your wellbeing and that is crucial.

[Stella180]

Congratulations on the birth of your son. We go through so much change when we have a baby it’s rough. Hormones are all over the place, body changes and the responsibility of keeping a small human alive and safe. Leaving your baby to go back to work when they have become your life over the past 9 months is difficult. We have to put our trust in others to care for them while away at work, surviving on very little sleep and the separation anxiety to name a few things. This is something every working mother has to go through and it’s tough. It gets swept under the carpet at just something you just have to get on with but it’s not that simple. As has been pointed out, there is the possibility of PND.With my first child I did all the early checklists and came out fine but after 3 months I really started to show obvious signs (obvious to my partner but not to me) that things weren’t right. When he was 5 months old I went back to work part-time, tried to look at it as my time away from to be free from just being mum. I tried to carry on the way everyone around me expected me to and it took its toll. I wasn’t diagnosed with PND until my son was 18 months old because I thought it was normal. All the changes and struggles were something every new mother goes through. It’s definitely worth speaking with your GP or health visitor about your concerns especially as you had prior mental health issues. The longer you leave it the worse it could get.

[Shanti-Pops]

Thank you so much for your replies they really do mean alot.
I spoke to my husband today about how I'm struggling and he asked me to call the drs which I did. I could barely get my words out from crying so much and all the receptionist could advise me was to self refer to healthy minds ��
I'm all for help and stuff from outside services, I had that when I left the psych hospital however I don't feel that is what I need right now.
I said to the receptionist that i need to speak to my GP and she told me to call back in the morning which I'll do and I'll let you know how I get on.

I'm trying my hardest to enjoy these last few weeks at home with my boy but it's so hard and I don't think lockdown has helped at all. Not to mention I'm estranged from all my family so the support you'd normally get when you've had a baby I didn't have.

Anyway i know there are worse people off than me so sorry for moaning and thank you all once again xx

[Paula]

You are not moaning, at all. You need to be listened to and a receptionist shouldn’t be telling you to self refer! I’m so glad you pushed, please make sure you push again tomorrow for an appointment - I know it’s hard but you deserve proper help

[Suzi]

Absolutely agree with Paula. You need more than a self referral, so make sure you call back today to get an appointment. Definitely not moaning, I'm glad you're talking.

Also well done for talking to your husband. I know how hard that can be....

[Shanti-Pops]

Hi lovelies,

I spoke to a lovely Dr today who took the time to listen to everything and made me feel completely at ease.
She's said that I have postnatal depression and postnatal anxiety, apparently I scored quite high on the questionnaire. So she has upped my meds and will review this in 4 weeks time.
Shes also advised me to refer myself for some talking therapy which I have done to help address the issues I have and worries.
I just want to start feeling more like me again. I hope it isn't too long before this happens.
Thank you all once again for your help and advice xx

[Stella180]

I’m glad you’ve been listened to and getting a bit of support. Definitely worth the self referral. I think the combo of the meds tweak along with talking therapy is the best way to tackle this.

[Suzi]

I'm so proud of you for speaking to your Dr, so glad that they listened to what you had to say and that you were honest about your feelings.
Well done lovely. PND is horrible, but it doesn't last forever and it doesn't mean you are a "bad mum" or that you won't have a wonderful bond with your babies as they grow up... I can tell you that from experience ;)