New Beginnings

[magie06]

My other thread was a bit long.
I treated myself to an iceburger ice cream yesterday on my way to pick Aisling up from school. I haven't had one in years. So I pulled away from the shop, opened up my ice cream and discovered there was only one chocolate biscuit. So it was an open sandwich. I kept my wrapper and sent off an old fashioned letter to let them know how upset I was. I'll let you know how I get on.

[Suzi]

Hey Magie, lovely new thread - but what's an iceburger ice cream?

[Paula]

Iceburger ice cream? What’s that?

[magie06]

Omg, I'm sorry. An iceberger is two chocolate biscuits sandwiching vanilla ice cream. The size I think is what we used to call a 5p slice from the ice cream van man. It's bigger than a 3p slice but not as big as a 7p slice. It's generous.

[Paula]

Sounds delicious!

[Suzi]

Sounds yum! I'm so glad that you went to treat yourself! You really need to do things like that more often....

[OldMike]

I'm glad you explained what an iceburger ice cream was shame there was only one chocky bikky though, good on you Magie firing off an old fashioned letter to them hope you get a positive response.

[magie06]

Aisling and I went for a very old-fashioned spin yesterday. We asked Gerry to come along, but he preferred to stay home. This is turning into "our" thing on a Sunday, and it's lovely to have time together without screens. We went to dad's home house , well the ruins of it and Aisling was surprised with how small it was. The painful thing is that because there are no pubs or restaurants open there is no where to go to the loo. Still it means that I get to see some of my family because I'd never make it home.

[Paula]

What a lovely thing to do! It still makes me beam to hear of your amazing relationship with Aisling :)

[Suzi]

I completely agree!

[magie06]

Honestly, I'm making it my business to do things like this with her. Every day our relationship shifts and changes, and I want to be able to change with it.

[Suzi]

It's so awesome. She's so lucky to have you!

[OldMike]

That's really nice some quality mother and daughter time.

[magie06]

I had a call from a friend this morning. We met up for coffee and had a look around our local shops. It's such a novelty to have the open again. I stopped to say to each of the staff that it is lovely to see them again.

[Suzi]

I'm so glad you're getting out and doing things which are positive for you atm

[magie06]

My hair appointment is on Friday. My hair really needs to be cut. I've got dreadful split ends and my colour has all grown out.

I got very fed up with Aislings attitude yesterday. I took myself off to my room to try and calm down. I had tears in my eyes and I didn't didn't want to upset her. I've tried to call my case worker all morning but I can't get through. Our health services computer system was hacked into last week and I don't know if that has anything to do with the phone lines.

[Suzi]

What's up with Ais attitude? Why did it upset you? Do you need a hug from me? I can reach all the way from here to you look ******HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG GGGGGGGGGG********

Which case worker? Are you OK? What aren't you telling us?
Are you eating and drinking enough? Taking meds as prescribed? Have you created a stash? How are your moods?

Oh hunni, I wish I could be with you x

[magie06]

She's stressed out because end of year exams start next week. She has been revising and she asked my help with maths yesterday. She tried to explain to me what she had to do, but I just didn't get it. She started to shout at me, and I just couldn't take it. So I went up to my room so she didn't see me cry.

I tried to get Bridget today. I really just needed to talk to her because the urge to s/h was very strong. I also wanted to ask about the zispen because I've very tired all the time.

Oh and thanks for the huge hug Suzi.

[Suzi]

She was out of order to shout at you. Did you tell her that it upset you?

Did you manage to speak to Bridget? Has the urge passed? Have you told G how you are feeling?

Also, just checking - are you building a stash of meds again?

You can always have hugs from me x

[magie06]

I haven't mentioned it yet to Ais. I'll wait until the weekend and mention it then.
I didn't get through to Bridget. They just was no phones working at all. I might call out there tomorrow after physio, and see if I can talk to her.
Gerry knows how I'm feeling. And he is in charge of all of my meds. I haven't any stockpiled any.

[Suzi]

I'm really proud of you for knowing to get hold of Bridget and that you aren't stashing any meds.

[Paula]

You definitely need to talk to Ais, but you’re right to wait til the weekend when there’ll be less school stuff to deal with. She needs to know that this attitude has consequences and you’re human too....

[magie06]

I get that we're coming up to the end of the year, but I get up every day with a smile on my face for her. It's hard to believe that she will be on holiday from Friday week 28th.

[Suzi]

Hunni, you are allowed to tell her she was out of order. Maybe you could help her find other ways to deal with stress etc?

[Paula]

When I was a teenager, one year I forgot Mother’s Day. It took 2 weeks for my mum to admit to me how hurt she was. That incident had 2 consequences. One, I realised that I should never take it for granted that I could behave how I wanted and mum could take it on the chin just because she’s a mum. Two, I really wished she’d told me earlier - I was devastated that she felt she couldn’t talk to me about it, but also I was devastated that she’d been carrying this hurt, that I’d caused, around for 2 weeks

[Stella180]

Hey, you think you could share that sorry with my kids Paula :(

[Paula]

(panda)

[Suzi]

I completely agree Paula x

[magie06]

I called the school yesterday because there is a timetable on their website for Monday 31st May. I wasn't sure if Ais was trying to pull a fast one by telling me she was finishing on the Fri. They called me back this morning, and they are definitely finishing on Friday. I just mentioned to them that Ais is getting very stressed about the end of year exams next week.

[Suzi]

Well done for talking to the school... Did they seem supportive?

[magie06]

I love the school secretary. She always says I'm doing the right thing when I call to tell them about Aisling. Plus she tells me that Ais is a princess in the school. Every parent likes to hear things like that.

[Suzi]

I bet she's being totally honest too ;)

Have you spoken to her and told her that she upset you this week?

[magie06]

We had another spin yesterday and I told her that I was upset about the way she shouted at me. She got upset because she hadn't realized. But we cleared the air and I really enjoyed our chat.
In other news, it took us over an hour to drive one and a half miles on the way home. The traffic was dreadful. There was some sort of modified car gathering in the city and I'm not joking when I say there were hundreds of cars. I understand that they want to meet up, but maybe in the future they could use an unused airfield or close off some roads to facilitate them.

[Suzi]

I'm so proud of you for talking to her about it. It's important that she knows that you are human and have feelings too.... I'm so glad that you did it together, calmly, cleared the air and had a really good chat!
Oh! Sorry about the traffic, but it gave you longer to chat and just "be" with each other? But yes, I know how annoying things like that can be. I live about 10 mins away from Brooklands Museum and they often have special car days etc....

[Paula]

Well done! And I’m glad she understood what you had to say to her :)

[Stella180]

I was a part of the classic car scene for years and took part in organised events and none of them involved hanging out on McDonalds car parks and driving like morons or the streets. These cruise events should be illegal. My cousins used to attend them but I never got involved and don’t agree with them at all.

[Flo]

We only live a mile or so from a 2nd WW airfield which has been turned into a stock car racing stadium, and drivers who want to 'pose' in their BMW's and are allowed to race the guts out of them. On a fine windless day you can hear them from our house!

[Suzi]

There used to be a huge one in Guildford, but it was shut down after some accidents happened...

[magie06]

They have a Facebook page called Salthill Sunday's. They have photos up of lots of cars and just some of the traffic tailbacks they caused.
All of the phone systems are still down in our health service. I called to Toghermore yesterday to ask Bridget to call me. She called me this morning. I told her everything. Really everything. She will call me again next week.

[Paula]

Has she made any suggestions?

[magie06]

Just to keep doing what I'm doing, walking, talking, taking my meds, getting enough sleep. All the stuff that you tell me to do.

[Suzi]

I'm seriously proud of you for going to leave a message asking her to call you. That is so positive.

Do you want to tell us what's going on for you?

[magie06]

Pain, tiredness, a grumpy teenager, a stubborn father. Nothing really.

[Paula]

That is something, a lot of somethings....,

[Suzi]

Sounds like a lot to me too...

[Stella180]

Doesn’t sound like nothing

[magie06]

My back and knees are very sore. I have tried to get a gp appointment, but they are backed up for ages.

[Suzi]

I'm sorry about that love, are you doing things to be gentle with them? No scrubbing the floors etc......

[magie06]

I'm so sore that I can hardly walk to the bathroom.

[Paula]

Are you taking all your painkillers? Do you think you should call the doctor?

[Suzi]

I agree, definitely get seen lovely. You shouldn't be in that much pain.

[magie06]

Both Gerry and Aisling are on holiday this week. I don't think I'll be around much.

[Strugglingmum]

Enjoy your week together

[Suzi]

Have fun! Hope you have a great week!

[magie06]

We had a lovely week together. We didn't do a lot but I think I relaxed more this week, than I have in ages. Yesterday, my sisters and I went to the Marion shrine of Knock. We had a very nice morning, where we did a bit of praying and attended mass. It was so nice to be able to spend time with them. The time went too fast.
In the afternoon Aisling and I went for our now traditional spin. We were late leaving so we didn't get home again until almost 9. But we didn't have anything to get up for this morning, so we were able to have a lie-in.

[Stella180]

Welcome back!! Feels like you’ve been gone forever. Glad you had a great week. Had a mini pilgrimage this morning eh? How was it? Not as busy as usual I would imagine due to the pandemic.

[Paula]

Sounds like a lovely time with your sisters :)

[Suzi]

Sounds like you've had a wonderful time! I'm so glad to see that you have!
I love that you've started this outing with Ais - special time to make memories...

[magie06]

I am thinking of going to Achill island for our next spin. There is a beautiful beach called Reem beach to the north of the island. Trouble is, we were both bored today. Not that that's a bad thing, but I'm thinking of taking the trip tomorrow. Should I keep it as our Sunday thing and find something else to do tomorrow?

[Stella180]

Why not take two trips out this week? Tomorrow and Sunday?

[Strugglingmum]

Oh I love Achill Island. Go for it. Nothing beats a wee day out.

[Suzi]

Hunni, you could go for a trip out every day if you wanted to! The world is your lobster ( :) ) and so you don't have to follow a set pattern...

[OldMike]

Take as many trips as you like Magie you don't have to have a set pattern if you don't want you're a free agent.

[Suzi]

Morning hunnipie, what did you decide in the end?

[magie06]

We were in Galway.
The letter I wrote to the ice cream business has had a result. I received a five Euro voucher in the post this morning.

[Suzi]

YAY! Hooray! Free Ice Cream!

Did you have fun in Galway?

[magie06]

Yes. Aisling had jeans to return to Primark, so we went there and I managed to spend another 50 Euro. Her friends would like a beach day next week. They were waiting to see if one mum could bring them. The poor woman has 3 other kids who are still in national school therefore not on holiday yet. Plus she works outside the home too. I told Ais to tell them that I would bring them. Ais didn't want to ask me because we are going to tayto park theme park next week too. I explained that my job was to look after her, and bring her where she wanted to go, within reason. I can buy them all a free ice cream!

[Suzi]

Aww! That's so lovely that she thought of you like that! I think she'll love that you're doing that and getting them ice cream too! :) You two have such a great relationship! How are you feeling atm love?

[magie06]

I'm up and down. But I'm still here and still fighting.

[Paula]

What a sweetheart your little girl is - but then she obviously takes after her mum!

[Suzi]

I'm so proud of you love. Are you still in touch with Bridget? How are your joint pains?

[magie06]

Bridget calls once a week. I'm sore almost every morning getting up and I take painkillers every 4 hours to keep myself moving.

I will be chief taxi driver next week. Achill is still on the menu for Sunday (although, maybe not this week), Ais and 3 friends would like a lift to the beach on Monday, and we are going to tayto park on Thursday. That's a lot of miles to cover, so I might leave Achill until later in the summer.

[Suzi]

Have you spoken to your Dr about the soreness and pain?

It's really good that you're trying to listen and pace a bit with all that driving too love. That's hugely positive...

[magie06]

We went to the beach today. It was absolutely freezing. The girls were great. They are all so polite. It was a pleasure to spend time with them.

[Sissy]

I am happy you had great time. I am sorry for you having pain, wish there was some magic trick to help you. I have a dear friend who was recently diagnosed with chronical pain and continuous inflammation in her central nerve system. It had a fancy name that I forgot, but looking at her being in constant agony is heart breaking. Wish there was a way to swipe that pain away. Are you getting medication that actually helps to keep that pain away? Or are you trying to manage with something not that effective?

[Suzi]

Freezing? I wish I was there with you instead of sweltering here! So glad you had a lovely time!
What's on the plan for tomorrow?

[Paula]

We went to the beach today. It was absolutely freezing. The girls were great. They are all so polite. It was a pleasure to spend time with them.

Of course they were great. Your Ais wouldn’t have friends that weren’t:)

[OldMike]

We went to the beach today. It was absolutely freezing. The girls were great. They are all so polite. It was a pleasure to spend time with them.

That's so nice I think cold weather isn't a problem just rap up warm.

[Suzi]

What have you been up to today?

[magie06]

I'm very sore and tired today. It's not surprising because I drove over 400km yesterday and took 20,000 steps. (Almost). We were in Tayto park which is the only theme park in Ireland. We left home at 7.30 yesterday morning and got home around 7 last evening. Ais and her friend had a blast, and I enjoyed myself very much too. The only problem is that it is a very long day.

I've made an appointment to see my GP about my pain levels. The first appointment I could get is for Thursday week 1st July. If I need one sooner I have to ring in the morning and see if there are any cancellations.

[Stella180]

20000 steps? That’s epic. Well done.

[Paula]

I’m so glad you’re going to talk to your GP. As I recently had to make clear to my mum, if you struggle to do the things you love because of pain, then there’s a problem that needs to be sorted…

[Suzi]

I'm relieved you are going to talk to her too. You shouldn't be in pain all the time love.

[magie06]

We have a wildlife park down the south of the country. Ais was saying she'd like to go. Unfortunately it's booked out for July and August, and the weather later this week is crap. So we're off on the road again tomorrow. We're going to spend the night down there because I was very tired after our trip last Thursday. They also have a Titanic experience down there, so we're booked in for that on Tuesday morning. We'll come home sometime on Tuesday.

[Suzi]

I really want to see the Titanic exhibition too! How are you feeling about going and spending the night somewhere?

[OldMike]

Sounds like fun Magie best stay overnight rather than do it all in one day.

[magie06]

The hotel is lovely. Right on the sea front and we have a wonderful view from our room. Our room has been completely sanitized and cleaned before we checked in. I'm a lot more settled now that we're here.
The wildlife park was wonderful. It was very warm and sunny, and most of the animals were lying down soaking up the sun. I had 10,000 steps done before we were half way around.
We've settled into the room, which is more like a suite and we're going out for a walk along the prom now.

[Stella180]

You’re clocking up a few miles lately. Well done.

[Suzi]

Wow! That sounds amazing! I'm so proud of you for doing this!

[Paula]

Sounds like you’re having a wonderful time!

[magie06]

We had a great time in Cork. I was very tired after the journey. I think because I'm not used to driving that side of the country and the roads were strange to me. We made it home in one piece and Aisling hasn't decided yet where we go this week. She came to me yesterday and asked if we were going for our spin so we went to Crough Patrick. People have pilgrimed there for hundreds of years. They call it climbing the reek. It is the pointiest mountain in Ireland. A lot of people do it barefoot. Very difficult on the poor feet.

Was anyone here trying to call me this morning? It was an unrecognized number and I didn't reply. I've been having a lot of hoax calls recently and I look up the number if I don't know it.

[Paula]

How are you feeling? Physically and mentally?

[Suzi]

Wasn't me calling you I'm afraid...

Sounds like you two are having a great time! It's lovely that Ais wanted you to go out together!

[magie06]

Physically I'm very sore. I have a GP appointment on Thursday and I'm going to ask about x-ray or scan to see if my disks are bulging again.

Mentally Bridget asked me last week if I wanted to be discharged from the services. I explained that while I'm okay ATM, but that my mood can change overnight, and it takes ages to get a new appointment.

[Suzi]

So are you staying under the care of the services? Are you being totally honest with them? Can I ask if you've been buying a stash or SHing at all?
I'm glad you're going to get some help with your back love. Being in pain sucks..

[magie06]

No stash and no harming. I think it should be the psychiatrist to discharge me, not Bridget. I have an appointment with a doctor on the 9th of July. I'll see what they say then.

[Suzi]

No stash or SH is amazing. I'm so proud of you! I think if you could stay on with them, even if it was once every other month or so, just so you can touch base if you want/need to might be an idea?

[magie06]

We went to Athlone today. We had a lovely day out and it's only an hour away. But I'm very sore.
I had a GP appointment yesterday. I told her how sore I am, and asked for an MRI to see if I have disk trouble.

[Suzi]

Did she make any suggestions to help with pain and soreness? I'm really, really glad that you called and were open and honest with her.

[Paula]

I’m assuming the GP said yes, then?

[magie06]

She is arranging the appointment for me.

[Suzi]

Good. I'm glad. Did she have any ideas to help your pain levels?

[magie06]

Not really. I'm waiting for a call back from the doctor today. Aisling and I went for our usual spin yesterday. When we got home I discovered that I had lost control over my bowel sometime during our drive. I'm going to see what my GP says.

[Jaquaia]

Chances are it's related to your back (panda)

[Paula]

Oh hunni (panda). Jaq may have a point - perhaps these drives out with Ais need to be put on hold for a bit?

[magie06]

I'm on my way to A & E. My GP wasn't happy with my sensations.

[Strugglingmum]

I'm on my way to A & E. My GP wasn't happy with my sensations.

Very relieved to hear that. It definitely sounds like something is nipping or pressing on a nerve somewhere .
Sending love and best wishes.

[Suzi]

Oh lovely I'm so sorry... I hope you're seen fast and you get some answers....

[magie06]

Waited on chairs for 5 hours. Waited in cubicles until 3 am. Got to sleep around 4.30 - 5 and they came in and woke us at 6.30. I've had an MRI but I've been waiting since 1 to see a doctor. They are keeping me fasting in case they need to operate.

[Jaquaia]

Hopefully you get answers soon (panda)

[Strugglingmum]

Hope you are not waiting too much longer

[Paula]

(panda)(panda)

[Suzi]

I hope you've heard and all is well....

[Flo]

Hope all goes well magie...thinking of you.

[Suzi]

Hope you're OK lovely...

[Strugglingmum]

Sending love.x

[Paula]

How are things, love? Do you need surgery?

[magie06]

No surgery thank goodness. They let me home, just said that my MRI was clear. No painkillers or suggestions for how to help my back.
My niece tested positive for covid today. She's okay, had a bit of flu on Monday and Tuesday but is feeling better already. She's 22, so has age on her side.

[Paula]

So they’ve not been able to explain what happened with your bowels? Have you got any follow up appointments? Should you be seeing your consultant?

Where’s your head at? (bear)

[Suzi]

I echo everything Paula as said!

[magie06]

I wasn't given any information at all. I had a phone call this afternoon from the hospital to tell me that I tested positive for MRSA. I had to call my GP for a prescription but they need 24 hours to get it to the chemist and my chemist doesn't open on a Saturday. It's taken them 4 days to get in contact with me, so another 3 days won't kill me.

[Suzi]

I tested positive a few years ago... It was just lots of washing of bedsheets and towels every day and showering in hibiscrub every day... I hope it leaves you really soon.

[magie06]

I almost forgot that I had an appointment in Toghermore today. I called yesterday to let them know that I had spent time in hospital, and did I need a telephone consultation. The receptionist said that it didn't matter. Our covid deaths are increasing day by day with the delta varient so I told her that I would prefer a telephone call.
The doctor agreed with me that I need to talk to someone again in 3 months time, and to stay on my meds as they are.

[Suzi]

That's really well handled lovely, I think that you not going there and talking to someone again and staying on meds as they are were the right decisions. How do you feel about it?

[Paula]

I’m relieved they’re not mucking about with your meds. What’s the new meds you’re waiting for?

[magie06]

My brother thinks I should get onto our local radio station to complain about the delay in getting my prescription. But it doesn't bother me.
I'm waiting for antibiotics.

[Paula]

How are you coping, love?

[Suzi]

Oh no! You shouldn't have to wait for those because all it's doing is allowing the infection to get bigger/worse!

[magie06]

I'm okay. I'm very nervous about leaving the house. After what happened last Sunday, I really don't want to be too far away from a loo.

[Paula]

That’s understandable (panda)

[magie06]

I called the chemist early this morning and they hadn't heard from my GP. I called my GP and the secretary told me that they hadn't done anything about it yet. I'll call my chemist again after lunch and see if the have heard.

[Stella180]

Grrrrr, how frustrating.

[Suzi]

I hope you've heard by now... This is disgusting!

[magie06]

It's antibiotic cream for my nose and hibiscrub for a while.

[Suzi]

Do you still not have any?

[OldMike]

MRSA can be nasty best to get it sorted ASAP.

[magie06]

Gerry collected it yesterday afternoon.

[Suzi]

How are you feeling love?

[magie06]

While I was in the hospital, I missed my night meds completely and my morning meds were delayed by about 3 hours. I'm catching up with my moods since. I've had a headache most of the time, but it hasn't turned into a migraine (yet). But I'm being very kind to myself, I'm not doing much, but I'm catching up on my knitting.

[Suzi]

Oh no love, that's awful. It doesn't sound like they've looked after you very well at all... Have you got your MRSA stuff yet? I'm really glad you're resting and being kind to you.

[magie06]

Yes, I'm on day 3 of the regime now.

[Suzi]

How are you finding it?

[Paula]

Hope you have another day of rest and kindness. Can I ask? Is MRSA the reason they think you had that problem with your bowels?

[magie06]

No. They think a nerve was pinched. It will probably happen again.
I hate putting things into my nose. Flixanase is difficult enough, but the bactobane is another level.
Aisling wanted to go to the cinema with her b/f today. I dropped her in and went to visit dad. Dad suggested that I get Ais to get the train to Athenry and collect her from there. It meant I didn't have to face the rush hour traffic in Galway. Plus it's making her a little bit more independent because she had to use the ticket machine at the station. There has to be a first time for everything. I was so worried all afternoon.

[Paula]

Well done for letting her do that - I completely get how hard it is…..

[Suzi]

I also get how hard that is, but well done! Did she enjoy the challenge?

[magie06]

She was full of chat when she came off the train. They saw the new marvel movie.

[Suzi]

Black Widow? It's a great movie ;) So glad she obviously had a good time!

[magie06]

Omg it's very hot.

[Suzi]

It really is!

[Stella180]

I’m melting. Went out to organise some extra camping gear and just walking a couple of hundred metres I was totally drained and it was difficult to breathe in this heat. I hate it.

[Suzi]

Did you have your inhalers with you?

[Stella180]

Suzi, I popped out in the car and walked from the car to the shops and back again. I was home with half an hour. I thought I never thought for a minute I might need my inhaler to walk a couple of hundred feet. I didn’t even take my phone with me.

Magie you’re asthmatic too right? Are you struggling with your chest in this weather too? I can’t work out if it’s the heat or allergies or just being a lazy fat sod. Maybe a combination of all of those things.

[Paula]

I’m struggling. I always take my inhaler with me….

[OldMike]

Same here too hot for words it is supposed to break soon, yipee I need to cool down.

[magie06]

I always have an inhaler with me. I'm really struggling with the heat. There is a lot more dust and pollen around so I'm trying to get to the beach each day. There's less pollen and less dust by the coast.

[Suzi]

You didn't take your phone? Hunni, please this weather is messing with so much and so many illnesses, please, please, please don't go without phone and inhalers...

[magie06]

My sister collapsed in the heat on Wednesday. She was in the garden and woke up in the middle of the flower bed. My niece was in the garden and ran to help her. She didn't make it to the door before she passed out again. When she came round the second time, they were calling an ambulance. They were told that the ambulance would take about 2 hours because of a delay in A & E. My other sister and my niece got her into the house and gave her a cool shower and put her lying on the bed. They have a desktop fan and put that beside her, and kept changing the cool wet cloth on her forehead. She has come around since, but is not allowed into the garden until the weather breaks.

[Suzi]

Oh my goodness!!! I hope she's OK. I hope you're being as safe as you can be lovely x

[Paula]

Oh no, poor love :(

[Strugglingmum]

Poor sis. The heat is terrible at the moment. Probably better of inside.

[magie06]

She is feeling a lot better now.

[Suzi]

Ho are you lovely?

[Paula]

Morning, love :)

[magie06]

Our weather has cooled down. But we had another Sunday spin on the sunshine yesterday. This time we went to visit Kylemore Abbey in Connemara. It is a beautiful place and it seems to be a very quiet spot. Aisling was amazed at how clean the outside of the building is, and I tried to explain that there is not very much pollution out there.

[Suzi]

So glad it's cooled down a bit for you love. Sounds like you're still having lots of fun.

How're your thoughts love? Your pain levels?

[Paula]

Sounds fun :)

[magie06]

Thoughts are like the weather ATM. Some times I feel like I can take on the world and I feel like the sun is shining out of me. Other times, it's like the black rain clouds are smothering me. But I'm doing my best to get up, showered and dressed every morning and anything after that I look on as a bonus.

[Paula]

Have you told Bridget any of this? Are you still on antibiotics?

[magie06]

I finished the antibiotics last week. Bridget is on annual leave for this week and next. I've asked for a face to face appointment next time. I just feel like I can say I'm fine over the phone, but if I say it face to face, it's harder to hide it, itms?

[Suzi]

Hunni, I agree with Paula, have you told Bridget how you are feeling? As Bridget isn't there can you talk to someone else?

[magie06]

I feel uncomfortable talking to someone new. I feel like I need to start my story from the beginning and I hate that.

[Suzi]

I can understand that, what about talking to Dr Anne? Haven't you spoken to others at Tog, not just Bridget?

[Flo]

I feel uncomfortable talking to someone new. I feel like I need to start my story from the beginning and I hate that.I know just what you mean. It's like when there is a new doctor that's taking the place of the one that you've known for years and who knows you. Starting from square one is a nuisance, but maybe a necessary one if you need it if you need their help.

[magie06]

Just a quick check in with everyone. I've been talking to the receptionist in Toghermore and I'm waiting for someone to ring me back. I called on Monday and again this morning. I was just told that they are busy and a lot of staff are on holiday.

[Suzi]

You OK love?

[Stella180]

Wassup buddy?

[Paula]

Did Toghermore get back to you this afternoon?

[magie06]

No call back from Toghermore so I called again this morning. The receptionist just said that Bridget will be back on Monday so she'll call me then.
I'm okay. This week I was wading through treacle. I found it hard to get up and hard to fall asleep. I've been twisting and turning through the night too. My sleep disturbance is a trigger to my mood dropping. That's why I wanted to talk to someone. I don't want to get into a situation where it takes too long to feel like me again.

[Paula]

I’m proud of you for recognising you’re struggling a bit. Have you any plans for the weekend?

[magie06]

I have an appointment at 6 this evening. My sister would like a lift to dad's in the morning around 7.30. Otherwise we have no plans, I'm going to Dublin on Tuesday next with Ais and her friend for her birthday.

[Suzi]

I am so proud of you for getting in fast before things become a problem. That's really brilliant love.

So a quiet weekend? Are you crafting atm?

[magie06]

My baby turned 15 today. I don't look old enough to have a 15 year old daughter.

[Stella180]

Wow! 15 already. Only seems like 5 minutes ago she was just making double figures and now she’s a young lady.

[Paula]

Happy birthday Ais!

[magie06]

I'm very upset. My dad is being horrible and very nasty. He struck one of my brothers with a fence post during a big row this morning. He is accusing Sarah of stealing firewood from his shed and he has the whole family at odds with him. Sarah came to mine yesterday morning and spent the whole time crying. I was so worried about her. She told me that she was going for a walk in the park, along the river, on her own. I collected her and went with her, for my own peace of mind as much as anything. Turns out that it spilled down with rain, so we got an ice cream and sat in the car chatting.

[Paula]

Hunni, I know this is a horrible thing to consider, but would he be better in a care home?

[Suzi]

I agree with Paula. It sounds like his behaviour could be dangerous too. For the safety of everyone it might be the better option - also allows everyone to be son/daughter and not carer....

[magie06]

My brothers are finished with him now. My sisters are taking tomorrow off and meeting for coffee in the morning.

[Stella180]

Maybe he needs some time to realise just how much he relies on his family to get by and then maybe he’ll start appreciating what everyone does for him.

[Suzi]

That sounds like a good plan tbh...

[Flo]

I must agree with Paula and Suzi, I think for the sanity of your siblings and yourself he'd be better off in a Care home. From what you've said in the past, financially it's possible. You all have lives to live and they should be happy lives, not ones that are spent worrying about how he's going to react every time he opens the front door.

[Suzi]

How are you today lovely? Did you ever get to talk to Bridget? How are your thoughts hunni?

[magie06]

I'm still very upset about the whole dad thing. My dad would never go into a nursing home. The cost doesn't come into it. He likes to be the lord of the manor and he will die in his own bed. He would be very difficult for all the staff if he was to go into a home.
I've called Toghermore again today and I'm waiting again for Bridget to call me. I'm going to try my GP about 4 if she doesn't call by then.

[Suzi]

Are you struggling with your thoughts? I'm glad you called Tog to speak to someone. Have you heard back?

What about getting carers to go into him?

[Paula]

Have they called?

I was also going to suggest carers - it’s not fair on the family for him to continue like this

[magie06]

I spoke with Bridget at last. She's told me to take some Xanax and to call again tomorrow to let her know how I slept. The doctors will be there on Friday if I need to change some meds.

[magie06]

My sister has organized for meals on wheels to call with dinner to him. But the bluebird care team have already threatened to refuse him calls if he abuses their nurses again. (Bluebird care are private nurses who call to people who are housebound to help with their care).

[Suzi]

So he's being horrible to them too huh?

I'm glad you've spoken to Bridgette. Have you been talking about things with Gerry?

[magie06]

Yes. I've been keeping him up late into the night, asking what I should do, how can I help etc. Gerry has a very calm and considered view on life, and he can normally put a very clear and calm spin onto things. I always feel better when I talk to him

[Suzi]

I'm so glad that you are talking things through with him. That's so important, he needs to know or he can't help at all...

How are you today love? Did you sleep?

[magie06]

I slept okay. I only woke about 5 or 6 times and I gave up at around 5 and got up.

[Suzi]

Is that better than you have been recently?
How are your thoughts?

[Paula]

I slept okay. I only woke about 5 or 6 times and I gave up at around 5 and got up.

That doesn’t sound like a healthy night’s sleep to me….

[Suzi]

Morning love, did you sleep last night?

[magie06]

My sleep is gone to pot. They whole dad thing is terrible. He has said that Sarah staying away is all the proof that he needs that she was stealing and lying to him. Sarah is so upset that she has been in contact with the department to let them know she is not going back and to stop her payment. I think the public health nurse has been in contact with the GP about not coming out last week to give dad a sedative when he really needed it. My sister Geraldine is blaming Sarah for leaving dad to fend for himself and has been spending time with him all week. Ger thinks that dad is a vulnerable old man who needs his family around him. She thinks that he is suffering from depression since mum died and has even thrown it back at me, that I would have been very hurt if they had all turned their backs on me when I needed them. I've spent the last few nights crying myself to sleep only to wake every hour or so crying again.
I have a face to face appointment with Bridget on Monday. I have already been talking to her about all of this, and she asked me to call her again on Thursday if things were no better. But I didn't do that. I don't think there's anything she can do.

[Paula]

Of course there’s something she can do. She can talk you through things, remind you of your coping mechanisms and pick up if your mood is spiralling. That’s her job, love….

[Suzi]

There definitely is something she can do.

Hunni I'm so sorry things are so crap. Why haven't you been posting - we are your friends and we are here for you. You'd hate it if one of us was struggling this much and haven't been talking...
I'm sorry Sarah is struggling - but hunni, as hard as it is, you need to stop and focus on you. If Ger is feeling that way, then maybe she should be the one going in and dealing with him!

Massive hugs gorgeous.

[magie06]

I had an appointment with Bridget this morning at 11. She basically said everything that you all said. I have to concentrate on Gerry and Aisling and myself. I am rereading my mindfulness program and trying to put it into practice again. My meds have been adjusted slightly to help me get to sleep and keep me asleep. Bridget is going to call me again on Wednesday to see if I've had any sleep.

[Paula]

Well done, love, for being honest with her (panda)

[Suzi]

I'm so proud of you lovely! Talking to Bridget is brilliant and I'm so glad you spoke to her and were really honest. That's huge. You're doing everything you can to stay as well as you can.... Are you talking to Gerry about things?

[magie06]

Just checking in to say hello. I'm okay and getting from day to day as best I can. We're into the last week of our summer holidays here and we hope to make the most of it. I've asked Ais to decide where we go over the next few days.

[Suzi]

I was wondering how you were doing. It's good to hear from you. Are you still talking to Bridget?

[Paula]

How’s your pain? Mood? Eating? Sleeping?

[magie06]

Pain is just about bearable. Mood is up and down - a lot of time down, but I'm trying to fake it until it gets better. I've started counting my calories again and I'm trying to walk a little every day. I'm getting to sleep but finding it hard to stay asleep. I'm waking around 5 and at the same time finding it hard to get up.
I have a face to face with Bridget on Monday at 11 and I have an appointment with an arthritis specialist on Thursday.

[Suzi]

Have you spoken to anyone about your pain love? I hope that the specialists with Bridget and the arthritis person really helps.

[OldMike]

(bear) (panda)

[magie06]

Aisling and I went to Limerick today. Unfortunately I lost control again and I called the doctor on my way home. She wants me to go to the hospital again. I have an appointment in the morning at 9 and I'll just go to A and E after that.

[Stella180]

Did you realise this time what happened?

[Paula]

(panda)(panda)

[Suzi]

Oh hunni, I'm so sorry.... Did you have any warning? What were you doing just before - as in was there a trigger? Will you let us know how you get on?

[magie06]

I'll let you know how I get on. I didn't realize it this time either, there was no warning. I got a strange smell and found the nearest toilet and discovered my accident again. I ended up buying a towel so I wouldn't wet my car seat.

[Suzi]

Oh that's horrible. I'm sorry love.
Hope you are seen really soon today hunni and that they find the answers.

[magie06]

I spent 11 hours in A and E and I have to be referred to the spinal unit. But I'll be able to sleep in my own bed tonight and be here for Aisling in the morning.

[Paula]

Oh love :(. When do you hear from the spinal unit? (panda)

[magie06]

I'm not sure. But I'm sure it will be a few weeks.

[Suzi]

11 hours? You must have been exhausted. I hope you're resting today love.

[Flo]

How awful Maggie, that's a terribly long time to wait in A&E! Let's hope you don't have to wait too long to hear from the spinal unit.

[magie06]

I took things very easy yesterday. I got Aisling out to school and went back to bed. I slept until 11.30. Today we had a family mass at 10 and I'm home again with my feet up. I'm going to take things easy for the rest of the weekend.

[Paula]

Good to hear, lovely

[Suzi]

I'm glad you are taking things easy lovely... Have you told Gerry about what's going on? What about Ais?

[magie06]

Aisling and Gerry both know. I've been with Aisling both times when it's happened, so she knows. And I've told Gerry all about it.

I have a face to face coming up with Bridget and I'm not looking forward to that. I suppose I'm tired of medical personnel and just wish I could take a break from this body of mine. If it's not one thing it's another.

[Paula]

I know how you feel, love (panda)

[Suzi]

I sympathise too....

I think that right now, no matter whether you want it or not, seeing Bridget sounds like a really, really good idea. You've got so much going on, maybe talking things through with Bridget might actually be what you need love....

[Stella180]

I agree. It’s not just the emotional stuff but the physical stuff has an affect too

[magie06]

I'm waiting for Bridget to call me about seeing one of the doctors tomorrow. She thinks my meds need to be adjusted and she can't do that herself.

[Suzi]

Oh love, I'm sorry that you're feeling bad... Are you safe? Does G know? Are you stashing meds?

[Paula]

You’re dealing with a lot atm, and it’s a good thing they’re reviewing your meds

[magie06]

I'm talking to Gerry.
I had a terrible conversation with Ais last night. She is finding being back in the physical school building very stressful. She's terrified that she will bring covid home. I've explained that I've had my two doses of vaccine and if she does happen to bring it home, chances are I won't get very sick. She's also worried that my back is getting worse very quickly. So I told her that I'm doing all I can, and that I'm just trying to take things day by day.
She's just overwhelmed with everything and it came flooding out in snotty tears last night. I told her I was very proud that she told me and asked if she would like me to ring the school. She asked me not too, so I told her I appreciated her honesty and that I wouldn't go behind her back. Her period arrived at school today, and I have a teenager with a completely different attitude this evening.

[Suzi]

Oh poor love! I've had similar conversations with mine... Maybe she could use hand sanitiser when she gets in? That might be a small physical thing she could do as a barrier between school and home? Might help? Is she still wearing masks?
PMT is horrible. It really makes everything little seem huge!
I'm really glad that she's talking to you - shows what an awesome relationship you both have.

Well done for talking to Gerry and to Bridgett. I'm very proud of you.
You didn't say about stashing any meds though?

[Paula]

You’ve raised such a lovely, loving young woman

[magie06]

Not there yet Paula as you know. Suzi, I'm not stockpiling anything. I've heard from Bridget and she wants me to increase Seroquel to 300 at night for 2 weeks. And I have another appointment with her on the 20th of this month.

[Suzi]

I'm so proud of you love. You're working so well at keeping yourself well, being open with those around you and involved in your care.

[magie06]

I've been knitting a sweater for Aisling since she went back to school. She wanted one with a sheep on the front. She saw something similar on one of our summer day trips. I'm almost finished, a little bit of knitting to finish and the sheep to embroider onto the front. But my list is getting longer by the day. My niece's baby is due around the 16th October, and she would like a blanket. A friend would like a baby cardigan for her granddaughter who is approx 6 months, another friend would like dolls clothes for her granddaughter, and I would like to make at least 3 Christmas stockings. Otherwise, I'm taking things easy!

[Suzi]

That sounds like you're in high demand! I totally understand why, you're amazing!

How are your moods love? Any news on the appointment from the hospital?

[Paula]

How’s things with your back, love?

[magie06]

No news from the hospital. Maybe today?
I have an appointment with Bridget on Monday.
I slept through the alarm this morning and I didn't wake until 7. My shower will wait until I come back from the school run.

[Suzi]

How are things with your mood and thoughts?

[magie06]

Mood is still low. I'm keeping my thoughts under control as much as I can.

[Paula]

Do you want to talk about things?