New Beginnings

[Suzi]

Sorry you're still struggling with low mood love. Here if you ever want to talk....

[magie06]

I had a face to face with Bridget this morning. I got on okay with her. I have the doctor in two weeks and I'll see Bridget again 2 weeks after that. Of course I can call anytime my mood slips.

[Paula]

Have you heard anything about your back?

[magie06]

Nothing yet. I called my GP to ask if the referral letter has been sent off. It went on the 3rd of September marked urgent.

[Suzi]

Can she chase it up at all?

How are you doing really love?

[magie06]

This time of year is normally good for me. I'm busy, and I don't have time to think. That's always a good thing for me.

[Stella180]

Yeah, you’ve always liked being busy.

[Suzi]

I agree, you've always loved being busy...

[magie06]

I finished Aisling's jumper this morning. She loves it and even modeled it when she came in from school. I'm still not able to post pictures, so I'll ask Suzi to put it up for me.

[Suzi]

It's a beautiful jumper with an even more amazingly awesome model!
https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-m9_APGXBcsk/YUo-xVxaHSI/AAAAAAAAOSQ/KFNXlsT5m9ohJsqqWuyz4nwBdrxN2P1AACLcBGAsYHQ/s320/Magie1.jpghttps://www.dropbox.com/s/1r9da7kh87ctpey/Magie1.jpg?dl=0https://www.dropbox.com/s/1r9da7kh87ctpey/Magie1.jpg?dl=0

[Stella180]

Oh my god!!! She is so grown up now! Wow, she’s such a pretty young lass. That jumper looks super cosy.

[Paula]

Gorgeous!

[Strugglingmum]

Absolutely gorgeous Magie.

[Flo]

Beautiful jumper magie!(nod)

[magie06]

It came out okay considering I had no pattern, she asked for oversized, she wanted a sheep on the front and I was literally going from a baby's cardigan that we saw during the summer.

[Suzi]

You didn't even have a pattern? Wow! That's even more amazing!

[Jaquaia]

That's amazing!!!

[magie06]

She has worn the jumper every evening when she's come home from school since I finished it. I think she might like it!! Lol.
I've knit a baby cardigan for my friends granddaughter. I stared it last Wednesday, and I had it finished on Sunday. I've started a baby blanket since then.
We've had the plumber and tiler in since the beginning of the week. The plumber came on Monday and stripped out the bathroom. The tiler came yesterday and started on the walls and floor. He's been here since 8 again this morning and is working very hard. He hopes to finish either today or maybe come back tomorrow to finish off.
My anxiety levels are starting to come back to normal. My asthma has been triggered by all the dust though. I'm on my way to a full blown chest infection, but I'm hoping to avoid an antibiotic.

[Stella180]

I know how tough it is to have workmen in the house but it’ll be great when they’re done.

[Suzi]

Oh love, is there anyway you can try to keep one room as dust free as possible? Although, sounds like it's nearly finished! That's always the good bit!

[magie06]

The tiler ran out of tiles. He may be back either tomorrow or Monday. The plumber can't come back until Tuesday.

[Stella180]

Oh what a nightmare!

[Suzi]

Oh no! Is it looking good so far? Does it leave you without a bathroom over the weekend?

[magie06]

We have a shower room downstairs so we're very lucky. I've had to get steroids and antibiotics for my chest infection. But thank goodness I don't have to have a covid test.

[Suzi]

Hooray for not another test!
Glad you've gone to get the meds to help, rather than suffer and it get worse....
Are you resting and pacing at all today?

[Paula]

Sorry you’re poorly, lovely (panda)

[Allalone]

Hope you’re feeling better soon.

[magie06]

I waited for the tiler on Saturday and he was here at around 8am. He did what he could but both he and I were very frustrated that there were tiles broken in the boxes. He had to go away without finishing the job.
I am knitting a blanket that I must have knit around 4 or 5 times before, and it's just going wrong on every row. But I took a deep breath and I've come up with a solution that's working so far. I've put a stitch marker every 50 sts, and I check that those stitches are correct before moving on. It's meant that I'm not ripping back 3 rows to find the mistake. Thankfully the baby it's for arrived safely yesterday, 3 weeks early, so my needles are smoking today getting it done.

[Paula]

Are you free of the chest infection? How’s your back, lovely? And where’s your mood at right now?

[Suzi]

I hate it when you get sections like that. It really hurts to pull out all your hard work!
I was going to ask the same as Paula, but she's beaten me to it!

[magie06]

I still have 5 days of steroids and antibiotics to finish. My back is still not great. I'm having accidents almost every night. Although I'm busy and normally love this time of year, I'm a bit flat this year. I'm keeping track, and I will mention it to the doctor on Wednesday.

[Suzi]

Oh lovely, I'm sorry you're feeling flat. I am glad you're talking to your GP love. What about Bridget? Are you still talking to her?

[magie06]

My appointment on Wednesday is in Toghermore. I presume I'll see Bridget after.

[Suzi]

I'm glad that you still have that support lovely.

[magie06]

My appointment went okay today. No meds increase. I have been booked into seeing Bridget next week.

[Suzi]

Were you able to be honest about how you are really feeling? How do you feel about no meds increase?
I'm glad you've still got Bridget.

How are you today? How are you sleeping? How's things with your Dad?
Has Ais taken off her sheep jumper yet?

[magie06]

I was very honest with the doctor yesterday. I told her that I have been on antibiotics and steroids for the chest infection, and that I think they were having an effect on my mood. I asked her not to increase the meds and she actually made me smile. She told me I'm on a heafty dose already. She is new to the service and newish to Ireland, and to hear her use such a slang term made me smile. She told me to check up on my orthopedic appointment because the incontinence is affecting my sleep.
So this morning I've been chasing up to see where I'm on the waiting list. The person I spoke with couldn't give me an answer and told me to call a different number. When I called there, they only answer the phone between 10am and 12. In our public hospital system that is on its knees and they only operate the telephones for 2 hours a day! I'm a bit cross.
The plumber was due this morning and at 1.30 he still hasn't arrived. I'm a bit cross.

[Suzi]

I'm sorry you haven't been able to get through to anyone! That is really frustrating!
Has the plumber arrived?

I'm so glad you were open and honest with your Dr lovely. Is your incontinence every night? Becoming more frequent?

[Paula]

What a horribly frustrating day :(

[magie06]

The plumber arrived at around 11 on Friday morning and stayed to finish it all off. It's lovely and I am so glad we had it done. Our downstairs bathroom isn't big enough to turn into a wet room, but we can have a low rise shower tray put in. It just means I have a lesser chance of tripping up.

[Suzi]

YAY! I'm glad it's done! Glad you're having the downstairs turned into something more manageable for you love.
Any news about your back appointment?

[Paula]

Fab!! How are you feeling?

[magie06]

I'm okay. Just waiting for a call from Bridget. S/H thoughts are very much to the fore today. I haven't done anything about them, I just keep telling myself that they are only thoughts.
Yesterday I came over very, very tired so I went to bed around 2 and Gerry woke me again at 4. My sleep is very disturbed ATM, and I just think it caught up with me.

[Paula]

Im glad you’re speaking to Bridget. I’m worried about you, love, you’ve been low for a while now…..

[magie06]

I have a face to face with Bridget next Monday. I told her what is going on, and she suggested that I go out next week. She has a couple of days off later this week.

[Suzi]

Hunni can I ask some difficult questions?

1) Are you stashing/buying meds?
2) Are you acting on thoughts with SH?
3) You've really stopped posting here as much as you have done, you normally do that when things aren't that great... Is that what's happening now?
4) Does G know everything that's going on for you?


I'm so glad you're talking to Bridget. Keep those lines of communication open love...

[magie06]

I'm okay. I'm not stashing ATM, not acting on the thoughts, trying to keep busy during the day and staying off the internet because I seem to steer towards su and sh sites.

[Suzi]

Oh love, I'm sorry you're looking at those sites again... Can I ask why you are? Does G know everything?

[magie06]

I find every day very long and I don't have much going on. I find it very easy to pick up my tablet or phone and go scrolling.

[Paula]

Is there something you’ve always wanted to do that you can start? I know how long those days are when no one else is at home, which is why I started my theological studies, and learning Spanish. It’s something I can do at home but keeps my brain functioning itms

[Suzi]

I can understand that, but why head to those sites? If you don't actively search for them then you could use the internet for positive things? As Paula says, what about things like learning something different? Or craft along groups or similar? Or listening to podcasts?

[Stella180]

I can strongly recommend Mayim Bialik’s Breakdown podcast. Some interesting discussions about all areas of mental health with guest stars.

[Flo]

I have to agree with Paula. There must be something you'd like to learn now that Ais is older...doing something for you. learn a language, a creative course, or track your ancestry through Ancestry. It'll point your brain in a different and therapeutic direction. Try to steer your brain away from 'DEstructive' to 'CONstructive'. I've had to do that in the past...my mind was idle and homing in on negative 'everythings'! Let something GIVE something to you rather than TAKE AWAY from you. It's horrible for one's mind to be stuck in a rut...you're enduring life at the moment instead of enjoying it. A lot of us have been there and it's not nice.

[Suzi]

Hey Magie love, how are you doing?

I think Flo and the others are right. When was the last time you did something totally FOR YOU? It feels really wrong and selfish when you do, but you have to in order to help get you brighter....

[Flo]

Have you ever thought of either starting or belonging to a knitting circle. You're an amazing knitter and very creative and I honestly think that 'bog standard' knitters like me could learn such a lot from you. It's truly a gift. Now that the darker afternoons are setting in I'm sure there'll be others that would jump at the chance of a knit and natter. We used to have one in Scotland and took it in turns to host our little creative get togethers...cross stitchers/knitters/ quilting...lots of cake and coffee!!! I appreciate that it's difficult with covid etc. but I'm sure friends would only be too pleased to wear a mask just so they could get together. It was a very positive distraction for me when I was really low.(nod)

[Jaquaia]

That sounds like a great idea and something I think you'd excel at Maggie!

[Suzi]

That is an awesome idea! You could also look into teaching a class in adult education or similar?

[magie06]

I've been thinking about doing classes from home. But every time I just chicken out.
I've been talking to the school and they are very disappointed that I'm not going back. I just wouldn't be able for it. But they have taken on board my idea of getting the children to draw pictures, and I will pick the best (easiest) one to make into the door for Christmas. They are going to do it just after the midterm break. I've explained that it will take me a good while to get them ready.
I'm almost finished the blanket for baby Lucy. I've been just concentrating on getting it finished.

[Paula]

What sort of classes were you thinking about?

[Suzi]

Can I ask why you won't be going back to school? I thought it was something you really enjoyed?
Regarding classes at home, there are so many options!

[magie06]

My back has been very sore for about the last month. I think I can only walk about 100 mtrs, before I have to stop because of pain. My appointment is next Tuesday. I'm not sure what I'm expecting tbh, but hopefully I'll get some relief.
The pain was so bad today that I really considered cutting again. My neighbour called in for coffee around 11 and she stayed until about 1. Then Sarah called until about 2, and Gerry was home around 2.30. I had prayed to my mom this morning to help me and I think she sent those people to me.

[Stella180]

Hey chicK, good to hear from you. I miss you when you’re not around the forum so much. I m convinced that when I was struggling when I lost my parents that they were there for me when I really needed their help. I got out of a number of difficult situations by what some would consider coincidence, but I know they were looking down on me. As time went by these occasions became less frequent as I learned to live without them. Clearly your mum recognised you needed some help and sent you what you needed. I’m so happy you got that support however it arrived. There will be a point where you have to help yourself more and more. This is how we heal. You will get there. Your faith is far stronger than mine so if can get there you definitely will. You are so much stronger than you think.

[Paula]

Is G going with you on Tuesday?

[Suzi]

Sweetheart I'm sorry things are that bad for you right now. I do hope you get a good plan for your care asap. I agree, it'd be good to take G with you and ask for his help to get across how bad things are for you.

[Paula]

Morning, love, how are you doing?

[Suzi]

I was wondering how you were too lovely.

[magie06]

Gerry will be working but my sister is going to come with me. I have put her on my insurance so that she can drive some of the way for me.
I called Bridget today because I'm just fed up all the time. Unfortunately Bridget is off until Monday so Michelle rang me back. I explained what was wrong so she said that she would let Bridget know. I will ring her myself on Monday.

[Suzi]

I'm glad you're reaching out for support lovely, that's so important. When you say "fed up" how bad are things?
I'm glad you've got someone going with you hunni.

[Paula]

(panda)

[magie06]

Just fed up with everything. I'd love to be able to clean my house without having to stop every few minutes. It took me 2 hours to dust my bedroom on Monday and it's taken me over 2 hours to clean my bathroom today. Now I'm sitting here looking at my Halloween decorations that should have been put into the attic on Monday. I've been up and down the stairs a few times to clean my bathroom and neither my back or my knees will allow me to do any more.
I need to find a new cleaner who will actually clean my house properly and not just move the dirt around. I don't want to hurt my other cleaner by telling her I'm not happy with her work.

[Paula]

How about a little white lie?

[Suzi]

Oh love, Im sorry you're struggling so much. Is it pain causing the low mood?

[Stella180]

I understand the difficulty of telling the cleaner you’re not happy. Something I find really hard too.

[magie06]

I was very tired after my appointment on Tuesday. But the good news is I don't need surgery. He said that there is a bulging disc and it has set the muscle above it into spasm. He has referred me to someone in Galway for nerve block injections. But no surgery thank goodness.

[Suzi]

Oh that's great news! I was hoping you'd pop in to let us know how it went!
Has that helped with your mood at all?

[Strugglingmum]

I'm so pleased you don't need surgery. Hope you get an appointment soon for your nerve block.

[Paula]

That’s brilliant news! My mum has two bulging discs and they’ve said they’d much rather not do surgery as there’s a number of other treatment options. So far, she’s had a lot of success with treatment. I hope you get a similar outcome

[Lillyx]

Hey! Saw this and wanted to say hello hope your all doing okay

[magie06]

I've heard from the pain clinic and I have an appointment this Thursday @ 8.30. I'm so glad that it is this week because I'm very sore. I'm fed up waking up every day in pain, going through each day swallowing pain killers and going to bed each night sore all over. If I get to sleep in a comfortable position, and move in the night, I wake myself up in pain. Then I spend almost an hour getting back to sleep.
I'm trying to get the covers for the doors done for school, but it's taking a long time, and it's getting tedious.

[Paula]

I’m so glad you’ve got the appointment!

Hunni, please, please take it easy with the covers….

[Suzi]

So glad it's come through so fast for you love.

Is it the theming of the doors that's tedious, or just that they are taking a long time to create?

[magie06]

I had my appointment this morning and I liked the Dr very much. He seemed very thorough. I have to get a dexa scan to check my bone density, I have to get an MRI of pelvis and hips, I've to have a colonoscopy and he's going to bring me back in to give me injections under local. I came out happy with my appointment.
Then I came home and started working on the doors. I was kneeling down to glue on a snowman's arms and my knee went from under me and I landed face down on the floor. I'm okay, just a bit sore.

[Suzi]

That sounds really thorough! I'm so pleased!

Sorry about your knees, hunni can you not do them sat at a table, rather than kneeling on the floor?

[Flo]

Ouch! definitely try to sit at a table magie, much kinder to your knees. Pleased you had a successful dr's appt. and you came away optimistic.

[magie06]

Another chest infection and another covid test. I should have my results in 48 hours.

[Paula]

How’s your MH lovely?

[Suzi]

Another chest infection and another covid test. I should have my results in 48 hours.

Oh no love. You seem to be getting them so often. Are you taking your inhalers etc? What about a meds review for your asthma?

[Stella180]

Oh you really are having a crappy year with your chest. Touch wood, I’ve been ok for a few years now but sometimes it can be literally one chest infection after another sand it’s such a nightmare. Hope you feel better soon.

[magie06]

No results from my covid test yet. I'm waiting to see a doctor. My appointment is at 5.

[Suzi]

Did you speak to the Dr? Have you explained about how many you've had recently?

[magie06]

I have an antibiotic for 7 days. Nothing else to report really.

[Stella180]

How are the doors coming along? Have you done your Christmas shopping yet? Are you still having your girly days together with Ais?

I can think of lots of things I’d like to hear from you and these short replies worry me. You only do this when you’re struggling.

[Suzi]

Are you talking to Bridget? You sound really low hunni. Should I be concerned? I've noticed you aren't posting in here much.... Is that because you don't want our support?

[magie06]

Suzi, I would never think that. I just do the same thing day after day. I don't like just saying that I'm very sore, that I have another chest infection and that I'm not doing very well mentally day in and day out. It's just repeating the same thing each day.

[Suzi]

OK, that's understandable. Are you managing to get out for your Sunday drives with Ais?

[magie06]

We go shopping on a Saturday instead.

[Suzi]

For fun stuff or just groceries?
Is she looking forward to Christmas?

[magie06]

We go Christmas shopping. I try to get my stuff during the week, so we can concentrate on her stuff on a Saturday.

[Suzi]

That sounds like loads of fun!

When do you speak to someone next about your back and your mh?

[magie06]

The 7th with Bridget and the 13th with the doctor in Toghermore. My back I'm not sure about. I have a colonoscopy on the 4th January and I'm still waiting to hear about my scans.

[Jaquaia]

Hopefully you hear back soon (panda)

[Suzi]

Can you call for an update or to speed up appointments?

How are your pain levels? Your mood sounds really flat.... Would that be a fair description?

[magie06]

Pain is just a part of me now. I've had the hospital onto to me (where I'm have my colonoscopy) and they wanted to know if I've tested positive for MRSA. And they asked also if I have a latex allergy. She then said that she wasn't sure which one trumped the other and would need to call me again. MRSA patients need to be last on the list and latex patients need to be first. But my appointment is for 7 am so I guess latex trump's everything else.
Gerry got a voucher for a restaurant from a customer. It was for 50 Euro, and we were going to use it ourselves, but he asked if I would like to ask my sisters to lunch. We had our lunch together on Friday, and we discovered that it's the first time we've been all together since mum passed away. It was lovely. Totally and utterly lovely. We stayed talking until it got dark and then said goodbye.
My sister Sarah, who has 3 children (2 adults and a teenager), has had a lot to deal with recently. Her middle son who is now 20 years old, has been stealing from her. In the past, he ran up a bill on a porn site of 700 Euro. He promised to pay it all back, but hasn't paid a penny of it. Recently (in the last 2 or 3 months) he has been transferring money from her current account onto a revolute (prepaid debit card). In total he has taken over 4,000 Euro. No I didn't make a mistake, it is really over 4,000 Euro. When I found out, I thought it was "only" just over 1,000 and I tried to help out by buying coal and getting it delivered to her house. I was with her another day and she was filling her car, so I skipped in and paid for it too. Now I'm making up a hamper for her with a few treats for Christmas for her. She has a wonderful heart and reminds me of my mum so much. She would never in her life take anything from anyone without paying them back. She is so upset.

[Stella180]

Holy cow, that lad sounds pretty wayward. Does he have his own job? Your sister is going to have to change her banking passwords. How can he do that to his own mother?

[Suzi]

Sorry to hear about the pain lovely, but I'm glad you've heard from the hospital. When are you going in?
What a wonderful thing for Gerry to do with that voucher. That sounds like such a special time to have spent with them. I'm so glad you had that time.
Sounds like he needs to be taught to respect his Mum! That's outrageous behaviour...

[magie06]

I brought my sister into Galway this morning. She had arranged to meet our brother for a coffee. Her husband needed the car, and she was going to take the bus. We had a lovely morning. We did a little shopping before we had coffee.
I try to get Aisling something as a surprise each year for Christmas. Last year I bought her a piece of jewelry, but when I asked her if she'd like some more jewelry this year she told me no. But every time we go to a music shop, she heads straight for the vinyls. So today I bought her a record player and a copy of Queen's greatest hits. I just have to keep it hidden until I get it wrapped up.

[Stella180]

What a fab gift! I’m kinda jealous.

[Suzi]

That's an awesome gift!

[magie06]

I got my booster shot of moderna on Saturday. I hadn't any side effects from my first two doses, but this time, I'm feeling dreadful. I've a stinking headache and a temp of about 38. I also feel like my glands in my neck and under arm are swollen.

Gerry and I put a hamper together for my sister. We put all goodies like biscuits and chocolates, whiskey, Bailey's and some bottles of coke and orange. We also put in some tea and coffee and other bits and pieces. She was delighted with it when she come over this morning.

[Suzi]

I feel for you. I had a pretty crappy reaction to my booster too - I had astra-zeneca the first 2, and then pfizer this booster.
I hope you're resting and pacing as you are...

What a lovely present for your sister! That's so kind!

[Stella180]

I had the Moderna shot on Thursday and my arm still bloody hurts. Luckily that, and feeling tired all t he time are the only side effects.

[magie06]

Yesterday I had an appointment with the doctor in Toghermore. He's not touching my meds at my request and would like to see me again in 2 months.
This morning I finished the doors at school. But when I got home, I felt dreadful and I slept for almost 2 hours. I am feeling so bad that I called to make a GP appointment and I have that on Thursday morning at 11.15.

[Suzi]

I'm glad you were able to say you didn't want him to touch your meds.
Well done for sleeping when you needed to lovely.

[magie06]

Drs appointment this morning went okay. My blue badge is due for renewal in January and I got a form in the post to get filled out. I also needed a clean prep script to be written up. My arm and other side effects are almost gone. I still have a bit of a headache but it's not as bad as earlier.

[Suzi]

So glad that you're seeing the Dr and that you're feeling a bit better...

[magie06]

I'm up to my tonsils. I'm behind in my cards, my wrapping and my making. I have my head down and doing what I can.

[Suzi]

Oh love, I don't think anyone who matters will mind hunni. Just be kind to you.

[magie06]

I got the important cards done. I got a lot of making done. I changed my bed, and I got Aisling's surprise gift wrapped. Now I'm going to chill out for the rest of the evening.

[Suzi]

Well done love!

[magie06]

I am almost up to date. I did a lot of sewing this morning. I called to see a friend who's not doing very well. I got my car washed, and filled with petrol. I collected a wreath to put on mum's grave and one for Gerry's mum's grave too.
Tomorrow I am going into town. I am calling to 2 of my sisters and 2 of my brothers. Aisling will finish up around 1 and I hope to have a visit to dad's before I collect her. Otherwise, I'm fine!! Honestly, I'm fine.

[Jaquaia]

You do seem a lot brighter!

[Suzi]

It's so lovely to have you back posting. I miss you when you aren't around.
Are you managing to stay away from those horrible sites etc? How is your pain? Your thoughts?

[magie06]

And Breathe!! I was going well until I had a message from Aisling's school to say that they were finishing up at 12.30 instead of 1. It meant that I got to see one sister and my two brothers. All schools finished between 12 and 12.30 today so traffic was mental everywhere. I dropped off all the gifts that I needed to and I dropped the stocking off to my sister for her grandchild. I was up until 11.30 finishing it last night. I slept through the alarm this morning and I didn't wake until 7.15. I'm normally up at 6.30.

[Suzi]

So, time for feet up and a rest then?

[magie06]

Feet up, Christmas music in my ears and asleep in front of the tv at 7.30. Today has been a lot easier. No alarm for starters. I got up around 9.30, wrapped what was left of the presents and just sat back.

[Suzi]

YAY! So pleased you got some feet up time!

[magie06]

Aisling came home from school with two awards on Wednesday. One was for not missing any time off school and the other was for encouraging others to use their Irish, and for being consistent with her school work and home work. She got a ten Euro voucher for each award. Very proud mum and very smug teenager in this house.

[Suzi]

Wow! Well done Ais! How fabulous! How are you doing love?

[Paula]

Fantastic!

[Jaquaia]

That's awesome!

[magie06]

I'm okay. A bit lonely but that's what Christmas Eve is for. To remember those who are no longer with us.

[Paula]

(panda)

[Suzi]

Massive hugs gorgeous. Are you talking to G about how you are feeling?

(panda) (panda) (panda)

[Stella180]

I can totally relate mate. When you wake up it will all be about the people you have with you now. Celebrate what you still have instead of what is missing.

[magie06]

I'm so sorry that I didn't have my phone ready when Aisling opened her surprise gift. She loves it. Pity I only bought Queen, we've had it on loop since Saturday. But I'm so glad I got it for her.

[Suzi]

That's so awesome!

[Stella180]

Good excuse for you both to go record shopping together and build up her vinyl collection.

[Suzi]

OO definitely! Charity shops could be your best friend on this one!

[magie06]

Good tip. Thank you. G and A went shopping yesterday but they bought new.

[Suzi]

I was in the BHF charity shop a couple of days ago and they had loads in! Hope she and G had fun and bought some good tunes!

[magie06]

She bought Abba greatest hits. Ais loves the mamma Mia movies and knows all the words already.

[Stella180]

Maggie wanted to say a huge thank you for your Christmas card. It finally arrived on my doormat today while I was out. It’s awesome.

[Paula]

She bought Abba greatest hits. Ais loves the mamma Mia movies and knows all the words already.

That’s my kind of girl :)

[Suzi]

That's fab! Good choice Ais!

[magie06]

Colonoscopy went okay yesterday. There was nothing sinister but she did remove a rather large polyp. She didn't think that there was anything there that could have caused my problems at the end of the summer. Back to the drawing board.

[Jaquaia]

I'm glad it was nothing sinister (panda)

Your Christmas card arrived this morning! Thank you! It's beautiful!

[Paula]

I’m glad that’s done now, and with no nasty news. What happens next?

[Suzi]

It's good news that there wasn't anything sinister, and that they were able to remove the polyp..

Hope you get the answers soon love.

[Stella180]

I'm glad it was nothing sinister (panda)

Your Christmas card arrived this morning! Thank you! It's beautiful!

Bloody postal service. Mine was late too but totally worth the wait. It’s always lovely to receive something from Maggie cos it’s always something special.

[magie06]

I need to get in contact with the pain specialist and find out about my hip and pelvis scans.
Today I took down our Christmas tree and boxed everything up, so Gerry can put them back into the attic.
My blue badge is due for renewal and I had left a form for my GP to fill in before Christmas. I collected it today, and I'll put all the forms into the post on Monday.

[Suzi]

We took down our tree and decs yesterday. It all feels bare without it all...
Definitely give them a call about your hip and pelvis scans love.
Well done for getting the forms sorted.

Thank you for my card which arrived today! It's beautiful!

[Paula]

My card arrived today, it’s stunning! Thank you xx

[Jaquaia]

We've put ours away and are putting it up this year as we feel it deserves to be admired!

[Suzi]

We're doing the same!

[magie06]

Omg guys my eyes are leaking.
Gerry has been working overtime ATM because there are a lot of antigen tests in the system. But it meant that A and I had a lovely day in town, without someone in our ear asking where are we going, what do we need that for, that's too expensive, did you not get enough for Christmas? It was lovely and any of the shops that A wanted to go into, and that were too busy for me, I just waited outside. I have to use my rollator all the time now, so I always have my own seat with me. It was lovely. We got home around 3.30.

[Suzi]

Oh that sounds like such a lovely day! I'm so pleased for you!

[magie06]

I really enjoyed it. I bumped into a few old friends and had a chance to catch up while A was shopping. I even have a lunch date for next week.

[Paula]

Sounds bliss :)

[Suzi]

A lunch date too! So pleased. It appears your mood has settled a bit.. Is that a fair assumption of how things are for you?

[magie06]

Yes. It has settled down.

[Suzi]

I'm so glad love.
How are Ais? G?

[magie06]

Ais is finding school tough going. But fair play to her, she gets up every morning without a grumble, and all of her teachers say that she is working hard and all of her marks are very consistent.
G is tired cause of the overtime. But he's okay and catching up with naps in the afternoon.

[Suzi]

Why's she finding school tough? Socially or academically?
Glad G is able to catch up on a nap!

[magie06]

Because of the last 2 years it's been very difficult to settle down. When she turned 13 she started in secondary school and they had 6 months getting used to the routine, etc. Then, bam! everything changed. They worked from home, which meant Aisling did need to be up until around 8. When she goes to school we have to be up much earlier. (6.30 - 6.45). Now Aisling would rather work from home, and meet up with friends at the weekend.

[Suzi]

It has been so tough for all our young people. I think they've had it hardest really with all this covid stuff. They've had all the normal secondary stuff, then changing, then uncertainty, then more change - exams/no exams etc with no real understanding of how they are expected to cope.... They are amazing.

I can understand that she'd rather have more of a lie in!

[magie06]

I think they have shown leadership to the so called adults around them. They have had the rug pulled from under them and they can still smile at the little things. Sometimes I'm in awe of what they're achieved through this whole pandemic.

[Suzi]

Totally agree.

[Stella180]

Welcome to our new normal. 2 years of this is just the start and to be fair the people most able to adapt are our children. Every part of their lives involve change of one kind or another as they grow up cos that’s what childhood is. The uncertainty is caused by adults who don’t know any other way and until the teenagers of today become adults in a position to influence where we go from here we’ll just have to go on improvising.

[magie06]

That is a very good way of looking at things. Yes, they're used to change. But I think I forgot to look at it that way around. Thanks Stella.

[Suzi]

How are you today lovely? You been doing anything nice?

[magie06]

A bit of housework and a bit of knitting. My nextdoor neighbour called in for a coffee in the morning.

[Suzi]

Sounds good. Any plans for the rest of the week?

[magie06]

I've nothing on this week. I've my postponed appointment with Bridget next Monday.

[Suzi]

Why have you changed your appointment?

[Paula]

When’s the new appointment?

[magie06]

Bridget got covid and only got back to work yesterday. My appointment is bright and early Monday morning at 9.30.

[Suzi]

Oh no! Poor Bridget!
How are you doing love?

[Paula]

How did your appointment go?

[Suzi]

How are you love? Did you have a good w/e? How was Bridget?

[magie06]

I got on fine with Bridget yesterday. I have another appointment in 2 weeks and see the doctor again on 14th Feb.
We've spent the last few days trying to process what happened to that pretty young girl about 100 km from my front door. I've told my Aisling to be careful and not to go anywhere on her own. I know it was a random act, and I know you have a better chance of winning the lottery, but they have no one arrested for her murder and that makes me very uneasy.

[Paula]

How’s your mood atm?

[magie06]

It's quite stable for now.

[Suzi]

I got on fine with Bridget yesterday. I have another appointment in 2 weeks and see the doctor again on 14th Feb.
We've spent the last few days trying to process what happened to that pretty young girl about 100 km from my front door. I've told my Aisling to be careful and not to go anywhere on her own. I know it was a random act, and I know you have a better chance of winning the lottery, but they have no one arrested for her murder and that makes me very uneasy.
I'm so sorry, what happened?

[magie06]

A young teacher went for a run last Wednesday afternoon (around 4pm). She was murdered in broad daylight. They haven't released any details because they only arrested someone yesterday. She had only graduated from teacher training collage in October.

[Suzi]

Oh that's so awful. I will never understand how people can do things like that. I can understand you being cautious. Things like that affects the whole community. So horrible.... (bear)

[magie06]

I've been busy this week. I went to school on Monday and took down the door decorations. It took me until today to deconstruct them and put the stuff away.
I went to physio on Thursday and Aisling and I went to see Belfast in the cinema yesterday. If anyone is wondering, it is a brilliant movie.

[Stella180]

Belfast was a brilliant movie, did you know it was based on Kenneth Branagh’s childhood? I really enjoyed the movie. It included emotional moments for my due to the experiences of Ricky’s family and the stories they shared with me. Fab film totally worth watching.

[Suzi]

That does sound like a busy week! Did you fit in any self care? How's your pain/mood been this week?

[magie06]

Yeah. This week is quieter. I just have a dexa scan on Thursday afternoon. Aisling has quite a few projects due this week, so I'm helping out (with snacks and drinks) while she get them ready.

[Paula]

What’s a dexa scan? (Forgive my ignorance)

[Suzi]

You're awesome providing drinks and snacks!

Dexa scan - that's the bone density one isn't it?

[magie06]

Dexa scan is bone density. In other news, I have shingles.
2020's the decade that just keeps giving and giving!!!

[Jaquaia]

Oh bloody hell! Hope you have minimal symptoms and recover quickly (panda)

[magie06]

Very sore, leaking blisters and of course a bit of a temp and a cough so I had to send a picture to my GP.

[Paula]

Oh no! Oh hunni, I’m so sorry. Big virtual hugs (panda)

[magie06]

Thanks. I'm just very tired all the time. I'm sore normally anyway, but this is a different sore.

[Suzi]

Oh no! That's miserable! I'm so sorry love. Are you resting at all?

[magie06]

I slept through most of yesterday but I found it hard to get comfortable last night. I've stayed home today with my feet up, and I'm heading to bed as soon as casualty is over.

[Suzi]

Hope you got some sleep lovely and that you feel better really soon...

[magie06]

I've started to feel better at last.
The results of my dexa scan came through and the bone density is well within normal range. So I don't have to worry about that for a while.
Aisling started the mock exams on Wednesday and they are going okay so far. She didn't like the science one, but the others have been ok. She even wrote on her English paper that her mom is her best friend. She had to write a report on a poem she has studied. She picked "in memory of my mother" written by Patrick Kavanagh.

[Paula]

Aww bless her :)

Im so glad you’re feeling better, you’ve been through the mill…..

[Suzi]

Glad the scan was clear lovely.
Oh wow, what wonderful things for her to say about you! That would have made me cry loads!

[magie06]

I have to admit that my eyes leaked a bit.

[Suzi]

That's totally understandable!

How are you all doing love?

[magie06]

I had a meds review today. I asked to be left on what I'm on ATM because they are suiting me. The doctor listened to me and left everything as it is.

[Paula]

Well done, hunni :)

[Suzi]

I'm really proud of you for doing that lovely. Well done.

[OldMike]

Very good, if it ain't broke don't fix it I know it's a cliche, you did the right thing Magie (nod)

[magie06]

She did get a start when I told her that my GP had increased my Lyrica by 50 in the morning for the shingles.

[Paula]

Did she make any suggestions?

[Suzi]

Why did she have a start about that?

[Suzi]

How are you doing love?

[magie06]

Hi all. Last week was crazy. Ais and Gerry were both off and I was chasing both of them all week. We had our floors downstairs sanded and varnished on Monday and we had to be gone all day while they were being done. The smell of varnish is still hanging around the house.
We went to Dublin to do a bit of shopping on Thursday but I wasn't really able for it. At 2 pm I'd had enough and I went to a coffee shop to wait for them before heading back to the train.
This week has been catching up with sleep and getting used to getting up early each morning again.
Ais has been getting her results back from her mocks. She has done very, very well and I'm so proud of her. Maybe all the drinks and snacks were worth it!

[Suzi]

Well done Ais!! You can tell her how proud of her I/we are!!!

Sounds like you had fun last week - any highlights you'd like to share?
Bet your floor looks lovely! I'd love real wood flooring! Sounds like you had the right idea to go and get a coffee! Hope you got a slice of cake to go with it!

[Paula]

Well done Ais!

[Paula]

Hi, love, how are you?

[Suzi]

I was thinking about you this morning too!

[magie06]

I'm okay. Just plodding along. Trying to keep myself distracted and I'm now fighting a head cold.

[Suzi]

Oh no, hope the cold leaves you soon. Are you taking more vitamin c?

[magie06]

It's gone down into my chest. I'm running a temp on and off all day. My GP reopens tomorrow, so I'll be on the phone bright and early.

[Stella180]

Same thing happens to me everytime. It always hits my chest. Thankfully I’ve not been ill in a long while *touches wood*

Hope you feel better soon.

[magie06]

Cheers Stella. I was hoping to avoid the antibiotics this time. Not so lucky!:(

[Paula]

(panda) rest up hunni

[Suzi]

Totally sympathise love. I'm currently on antibiotics too...

[magie06]

The first antibiotic was reacting with some of the other meds that I'm on, so I had to stop that one and start a new one on Friday.
Now, something that has been said to me recently. Are my mental health problems down to actually being ill, or are they learned behaviour? What would happen if I stopped going to Toghermore? What if I stopped taking the meds? What if I became a total gym bunny and started working out every day - to put the same energy into something completely different? What's the worst that can happen? Am I just used to having these crutches in my life, that I really can't imagine being without them?

I'm now wondering if maybe, I can be discharged from Toghermore. That I can come off the meds (with my GP's help) and that I put the last 12.5 years down to an experience, and say been there, done that, now it's time to move on.
I'd like your suggestions please.

[Suzi]

Please, please, please don't do it! Not yet, you've been so poorly I really think you need to give yourself time to be more stable as you are.... Then start talking to your medical team. I think that the recent crashes you have had prove that, for you, it's not "learned behaviour." I don't know who said that to you but I think it's really dangerous of them to say things like that. When you are slipping it becomes very obvious in your posting style, how often you post etc.... Really, really, please don't do this.... Maybe at some point later, but definitely not right now.

[Stella180]

Ok I’ll be honest with you, I mean, you know me.

I thing the exact same thing on a regular basis. Am I actually mentally ill or just dealing with a lot of heavy shit. If you remove the one major issue of access to my kids, which is enough for anyone to deal with, would I just be a regular person?

Am I just a lazy fat cow whose lifestyle has created a lot of my physical ailments? I mean let’s list them…
Sleep Apnoea - fat disease
Diabetes - fat disease
Asthma - plenty of fat folks with that one too
Hypertension - not helped in any way by being fat.
Various joint problems - made worse by carrying extra weight.

There is a strong argument for stopping my meds and doing some exercise. BUT…. I have stopped my meds before. I learned that they are the only think keeping me stable. Stable doesn’t mean cured, stable means functioning. When I go off the rails, which I do from time to time I know that it would be unbearable without medication. That’s a fact and if I need medication for me to function mentally, I must have an illness. Also the exercise thing. Oh yeah it really does help but there’s a couple of issues. I’m majorly unfit and need to build it up a lot slower than I’d like. Secondly, my body breaks down a lot easier because it’s not able to keep up due to being older and having physical problems and these breakdowns take so much longer to get better again due to the very real illnesses.

Basically, take the meds and attend therapy sessions. You need them. If you want to exercise then go for it, but not if it hurts you. That’s counter productive.

[Jaquaia]

Magie, what would you tell any of us if we'd been told what you have and we're thinking of stopping treatment?

[OldMike]

Don't even think it, it's so easy to think that meds aren't working or I don't need them but they're false thoughts keep on with your current meds regime is my advice.

[Paula]

I’m with everybody else - this is not learned behaviour, you have a real, serious illness. Your treatment is there to keep you stable enough so you can have a life worth living - with G and with Ais. It is not worth risking everything you’ve worked so hard to build up over the last 12.5 years just because (I assume) a non medical person comes up with a throwaway comment like that.

Yes, if you do want a healthier lifestyle, then go for it. But it’s not a replacement for the treatment that has helped you so much for so many years

Tbh, I’m furious with whoever it was that said that to you. They have no idea of the damage they could do

[magie06]

After sleeping on it again last night, (or twisting and turning because so much in my head), I rang Bridget this morning and she had a free appointment at 9.30. I explained what had been said, and Bridget said the very same as you've said here. She said that yes, I've come a long way, but she also made me realize that I have a chronic mental health condition, just like I have chronic asthma, and I would never stop taking my inhaler just because I'm not wheezing. I shouldn't stop taking my m/h meds just because I have had a stable spell.

[Jaquaia]

I'm glad you've spoken to Bridget (panda)

[Suzi]

I'm so glad that you were able to talk to her and that she helped you see what we see too...

[magie06]

I wasn't sure whether to ring her this morning or not. 6 months ago, I wouldn't have picked up the phone.

[Suzi]

I'm really, really glad you did.

[Paula]

I wasn't sure whether to ring her this morning or not. 6 months ago, I wouldn't have picked up the phone.

I’m so proud of you for calling, I’m also extremely proud of you for being able to recognise that positive change in you

[magie06]

Last week was a busy one. I had coffee with my sister Mary on Tuesday and with a friend on Thursday. I also had physio on Thursday, but was very sick while I was there and went straight to bed at 4 because I was feeling so bad and I was frozen. I just couldn't warm up. I called my GP on Friday because I was still feeling so bad, and the secretary told me there was a lot of it going around and just stay in bed!
Thankfully I started to feel better yesterday and Aisling and I went for a spin in the afternoon. I'm so glad that she still wants to do that with me. It was a lovely afternoon. We didn't go far, but I'm trying to teach her our local geography, places where I would have gone when I was younger than she is now. Yesterday I showed her a tree where I had cut my initials on when I was a lot younger. She loved it.

[Paula]

Sorry you’ve been poorly, just glad you’re brighter now. That sounds like a lovely time with Ais yesterday :)

How’s your mood atm?

[magie06]

I forgot my night meds last night. I've spent the day being very nice to me, with the worst hangover without booze ever.

[Paula]

Oh hunni, that sucks! :(

[Suzi]

I'm sorry I missed your post about being poorly and then taking Ais out. I'm glad you're feeling better.

Ouch for forgetting the meds, I've done that before and I know how you feel... Being kind to you is the best thing you could do.

[Suzi]

How are things love?

[magie06]

Just checking in. I don't really have a lot to report.

[Suzi]

It's good to see you lovely.
How are you feeling? How are your moods?
How are Ais? Gerry?

What are you up to atm?

[Paula]

Hey lovely :)

[magie06]

I'm okay. Keeping the good side out.
When mum passed away, I got the job of ringing her best friend in America that she was gone. They had been friends all of their lives. They were in school together and even when her friend emigrated in the 50's they stayed very close. I got such a shock when the lady in America was taken to the hospital the day mum went, and she passed away on the Thursday. The same week as mum. Her family wanted to bring her ashes home to Galway, to be buried in the family plot. Unfortunately covid put that on hold for over 2 years. We had her funeral on Saturday and while there were tears shed, it was lovely to catch up with friends. We shared a lot of lovely memories and exchanged old photos between us.

[Paula]

(panda)

[Suzi]

That is sad, but how lovely you finally got to meet up with people again x

[magie06]

Hi all. I have a few minutes to catch up. Aisling is in the middle of her state exams and is finding it very hard going. She's tired and is panicking about each exam before she goes in. We've had English, Irish, geography and this afternoon it's maths. Thank God it's nearly the weekend so she can get some rest. Someone said to me years ago, that the exams are harder on the parents and I can understand that now.

I had bloods done last time I was at my GP. I knew she had bad news when she rang me with the results. My B12 levels are far too low, so I've had 3 of 4 injections to boost my levels. My inflammation markers were up, but I'm sore so I didn't need to be told that. And my hormone levels have dropped, which means that I am officially in menopause. I'm still processing that, but with the exams, I've kinda parked that until we get over them.

[Paula]

Good luck with the rest of the exams Ais!

I’m glad your GP is on it and you’re getting the treatment you need. (panda) for the soreness and hormones - both are tough to deal with …..