View Full Version : Truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth
Jaquaia
15-12-20, 02:36 PM
Let's try this again shall we?
Ok, so the truth is when I'm struggling with something I shut down and shut people out. If I say "I'm ok" then the chances are I'm not. If something upsets me, even when I know causing upset was the very last intention, I shut down and shut people out and go back to "I'm ok" when I'm not. I refuse to talk, I refuse to explain what's wrong. Partly because of fear and partly learned behaviour. I'm scared of upsetting people by telling them they upset me as I've had years of being guilt-tripped, so my learned behaviour is keep quiet, deal with the hurt in my own way and then go back and carry on as normal as then it means people don't leave me. I'm used to people abandoning me and that learned behaviour doesn't always override the logic that the people in my life now are decent.
I hate people seeing how vulnerable I can be at times as it's been used against me in the past. Dickhead used that against me all the time. Made me feel like I was nothing because I struggled. Repeatedly told me that I was attention-seeking, it was a made-up illness, it wasn't fatigue, I was just too fat and lazy to do stuff... you get the idea. So my instinct is to shut down and shut people out as then my vulnerability can't be used against me, it's self-preservation, and knowing that the people in my life now won't do that isn't enough to override that instinct.
I worry about being told that how I feel isn't valid, that I have no right to feel like I do or that I can't feel like I do if something has upset me. I've had that happen a lot and even if how I end up feeling wasn't the intention, it was the result. So my instinct is to keep quiet, avoid talking and go back to "I'm ok". Has anyone spotted a pattern yet?
I will freely admit that I can be difficult and bloody hard work at times. When I'm feeling hurt and misunderstood I can overreact and misconstrue things. I'm working on it but a lifetime of learned behaviour is difficult to change in a few years. Trust me, it drives J crazy too. So I'm going to try to be more honest about how I'm doing from now on. I may fail at times but I am trying.
I am SO f*ing proud of you! Well done love, I know how hard it can be laying yourself out there. I couldn't be prouder of you than I am right now!
magie06
15-12-20, 03:32 PM
It's wonderful that you've opened a new thread.
I have noticed what you said about you before. I think we all do that as a method of self preservation, I'm okay is a lot easier to say than I'm struggling.
Sending the biggest hugs your way. (bear)(bear)
Stella180
15-12-20, 03:41 PM
There she is! That’s the girl we all know and love. I know I don’t always help situations and I’m sorry if I contribute to the problem sometimes. Really glad you have a new thread open.
Love that post! So proud of you :)
What a brave thing to do to post - I am incredibly proud of you!
Honestly, how are you feeling after posting that?
Jaquaia
15-12-20, 08:03 PM
I don't know if I'm honest
I always find it really hard to show my vulnerability....
Jaquaia
15-12-20, 09:55 PM
I generally hate showing my vulnerability but I thought it might help explain why I can be difficult
Stella180
15-12-20, 10:20 PM
Nobody likes to feel vulnerable, we all feel exposed when opening up cos these are the things which can potentially hurt up the most. The fact you’ve shared this shows you trust us and takes a lot of courage.
Thanks so much for sharing this. I do know that when I read your threads and you reply with I'm ok. I think we all know you are not. But I dont want to say that because I am worried thats not good.
But a lot of what you wrote I can relate to. And its not easy sharing this. Thank you.
You're incredibly honest love and it takes a lot to write a post like that. If I'm being honest, I hide behind the "I'm ok" thing myself, but in my case it's because it's easier! I should take a leaf out of your book. You've made me think now. You're one amazing woman so never forget that. Lots of love coming your way. Sending lots of love your way.xxx
Oh!.....I duplicated!! Silly bitch that I am...but you get the drift!(giggle)
I generally hate showing my vulnerability but I thought it might help explain why I can be difficult
It's not "being difficult" at all.... If you were being "difficult" then you'd be doing it because you could or because you want to make things harder for people. I don't see that as it at all. This is learnt behaviour and the course of action which has been the safest for you to adopt in the past. Now, you "just" have to unlearn it to relearn that we love and care for you and we genuinely want to know how you are, not just "I'm fine" and if I have said something to upset you I'd always rather know. Sometimes I just need things spelled out to me a bit more.... Does that make sense?
Stella180
16-12-20, 09:17 AM
^^^ Yes! This. I’d much rather know cos is there is some kind of misunderstanding is can be sorted out. When we are struggling we don’t always see things the way they are.
Jaquaia
16-12-20, 09:19 AM
It does make sense
Quick, someone tell Marc that I said something that made sense! Document the time and the date!
How are you doing?
Jaquaia
16-12-20, 01:27 PM
My instinct is to say I'm ok but the truth is I'm doing everything I can to avoid my assignment. I've changed and washed our bedding, hoovered right through, cleaned Toby's litter tray and I've run out of jobs so uni work it is!
We're delivering presents over the next few days, J's friend tomorrow who has a new baby so both dreading and looking forward to that. I'm worried about her feeling sorry for me, even though I know she won't as she gets it. She needed IVF for her little girl and it's her that advises J on how to best support me. Then dropping birthday and Christmas presents off for my sister and nieces, and my brother and his fiancee on Friday. Trying to get it sorted before the children break off
Are you not enjoying this assignment then?
Stella180
16-12-20, 01:37 PM
So you thought you needed to explain why to retreat when you struggling? Like everyone does? After all these years mate I thing we get it.
Jaquaia
16-12-20, 01:54 PM
Are you not enjoying this assignment then?
I hate statistics with a passion and there are very few qualitative papers on my topic.
So you thought you needed to explain why to retreat when you struggling? Like everyone does? After all these years mate I thing we get it.
Pretty much!
OK let's break it down...
1) Well done for not "I'm fine"ing me/us. That's a huge positive!
2) What's up with the assignment? What part are you struggling with?
3) Delivering presents to a new baby is going to be tough, whether they "get it" or not. What self care are you putting in place to help you through?
4) As above for your sister and brother. Again, what self care are you going to make a priority?
5) When do you have T +A? When do they break up? How are the holidays being split?
Jaquaia
16-12-20, 02:23 PM
1) Thank you
2) I changed track a bit and am now looking at the experience of signallers as lone workers except the studies I've found are all quantitative which means statistics and I don't understand a word!
3+4) I hadn't thought about self-care. I'll have A on my own for a while tomorrow as J has a telephone counselling appointment, not to mention that he's struggling massively as he failed his medical yesterday due to anxiety sending his blood-pressure rocketing so he isn't allowed to do safety critical work until a GP has signed him off as fit so I've been trying to look after him. We've split present deliveries up at least. And we need to get a big shop in too.
5) Friday. It's J's long weekend so they're with us for a week, though they're going back a day early so J can have them the latter part of Christmas Day and Boxing Day and she doesn't miss out on time either.
But hunni, if you are caring for him, for A, for T, for your parents, what are you doing to look after you???? Can you prioritise some of that please?
Jaquaia
16-12-20, 09:58 PM
I've done some of my diamonds picture after my writers group as laptop issues have given me a headache
Did you find them relaxing? I'm glad you did something for you with the writers group and the diamonds. Well done lovely.
Jaquaia
16-12-20, 10:13 PM
The writers group was stressful as my laptop was playing silly buggers, it took me 20 minutes to get in the video call. Got a few prompts to work on though. We've worked our way through the rest of the foxes biscuits though!
What picture are you doing atm?
Morning lovely, how are you today?
Jaquaia
17-12-20, 08:44 AM
What picture are you doing atm?
Unicorns but it's a full drill so is taking ages!!! I'll post a pic when it's done.
Morning lovely, how are you today?
I'm ok. Truly. It may change later. Already had to deal with T coming for school trousers and him being upset because his mums bf has been a dick to him.
Poor T! Glad you are OK though lovely.
magie06
17-12-20, 05:04 PM
How was the rest of your day?
Jaquaia
17-12-20, 07:54 PM
It was ok. She was tiny and absolutely gorgeous but part of me didn't want to be there.
Strugglingmum
17-12-20, 08:45 PM
(panda)
magie06
17-12-20, 08:50 PM
Massive cyber hugs. (bear)
Massive hugs gorgeous.... Are you giving you some space and some time to process your emotions which are very real x
Jaquaia
17-12-20, 09:40 PM
I've done Christmas cards with A as her mother never bothered, got presents sorted out for teachers (J's mum sorted them, we just added to them), had hugs from the little people while we watched some of the football and am just sat watching the second half after stories.
Does that count as self care?
Jaquaia
17-12-20, 10:17 PM
The way Man Utd played at times? Not really!!! Though I did well to only call our keeper an idiot for the first goal...
What’s your plans for today?
Jaquaia
18-12-20, 07:22 AM
Delivering presents to my sister and brother, then shopping, uni work and picking the little people up after school
You've got a full day ahead! When do the little people break up? Oh, by the way.....manage to reset my password straightaway a few mins ago. The new system must have been overwhelmed and clogged up. Hope those pour souls with TMA deadlines managed to rest. Thanks for your help love and have a good - albeit busy - day.x
Jaquaia
18-12-20, 09:14 AM
They break off today Flo so we want to get things out of the way. A was a little upset as she wanted to meet Scarlett, bless her!
A sensible plan! Maybe A can facetime Scarlett?
How's your day going love? What have you got planned as self care?
Jaquaia
18-12-20, 12:56 PM
Presents dropped off and a chat with my brother and sister. Scarlett misbehaved a little but she's not seen me in so long. Stuff picked up from my parents so shopping next
Jaquaia
18-12-20, 01:02 PM
Achey. Obviously we couldn't go in so stood outside talking and it's cold so my hands and wrists are aching.
Can you warm them up and rest them?
Jaquaia
18-12-20, 02:01 PM
We've just got a parcel to pick up then we can go home and rest for an hour. Though I may be killing J soon if he doesn't stop sneaking fecking dolmio sauce in with the shopping!!!
Stella180
18-12-20, 02:16 PM
What’s wrong with that? Tomato based sauces are not a reason to be put to death.
Strugglingmum
18-12-20, 02:28 PM
Sounds busy. Hope your joints ease soon. X
Jaquaia
18-12-20, 04:55 PM
What’s wrong with that? Tomato based sauces are not a reason to be put to death.
We have 5 jars in the bloody cupboard and I've rold him repeatedly not to buy any!
Sounds busy. Hope your joints ease soon. X
They're a bit better now thanks. A hasn't helped though, she walked out of school, as she wanted to go to the swings. The teacher had let her out to T as she normally waits with him (staggered start/finish times), well she didn't this time! T made it worse by grabbing her hood and dragging her by it. She got royally bollocked by both us and her teacher and then she fell down the stairs!
Is it too early to go to bed?
magie06
18-12-20, 07:24 PM
It's never to early for bed.
Absolutely what Magie said!
Jaquaia
18-12-20, 10:06 PM
I've only just sat down to do some uni work. I need to read at least some to this article but I won't push too hard. Then bed and up early for A's dance class. Hair and make up as they're filming routines in lieu of a show.
Strugglingmum
18-12-20, 10:10 PM
Oh girl you need some spoiling, you have packed a lot in in the past few days.
Jaquaia
18-12-20, 10:18 PM
It probably explains why I feel exhausted. Funnily enough, the paper I'm reading is about fatigue...
How are you today lovely? Are you pacing today?
Jaquaia
19-12-20, 10:04 AM
Up early, child dressed, hair done and back-combed, make up applied and kicked off to dancing, older child read the riot act for attitude and kicked upstairs to tidy his room and got a wash on. Now sprawled on the sofa with a cat as I can't find the energy to go and read my article
Then obviously the sofa is where you need to be right now....
Jaquaia
19-12-20, 11:03 AM
"Can you come and help me with the hoovering?"
"No. You're nearly 11. This bit goes in the socket, tip it back, press this button and move it like this. Away you go!"
Going to plod through and take things as slowly as I can.
Awesome! Stay on that sofa for a bit....
Jaquaia
19-12-20, 01:40 PM
We popped to Tesco in Market Weighton for a bit of shopping and A came in with me. She was brilliant, really polite, pushed the trolley, got things off the shelf that we needed, help put things on the belt, accepted no when she asked for things. And raised a few smiles when walking around tesco wearing bunny ears!!! We're sat drawing a picture for next door now as a thank you for selection boxes.
Strugglingmum
19-12-20, 01:51 PM
Sounds lovely. Well done A
Well done A! How did the ballet go?
Jaquaia
19-12-20, 11:01 PM
It went ok, J sent Cruella a photo of A in her tshirt she got for performing and she kicked off as he hadn't asked her to do A's hair or make up... tier 3 daft cow! You're not allowed in the house!!! Anyway, he's offered her them back early so she doesn't miss out on time as we're having them the later part of Christmas Day and most of Boxing Day so she shut up before she made herself look even more unreasonable!
Santa came through the village so we took A to see him, she showed J how she could "speak duck" (giggle) then we had a bit of a walk to look at some of the Christmas lights. A loved it.
Ooh! I was going to mention it on my thread but I'll put it here if that's ok....we had Santa in our village last night too. Sledge all lit up being pulled by a tractor blaring out Christmas songs followed by mums and dads with kids, ending up by the pub. The village tree was lit up..even the covid tree topper was illuminated. It was quite amazing. Poor Cruella obviously doesn't watch the news then! Glad you all had a nice time twinkly watching...it's nice to be distracted from the plague for a bit isn't it?
Jaquaia
20-12-20, 08:47 AM
The village pond
https://www.dropbox.com/s/aroe1kxwctrkdn6/20201218_173831.jpg?raw=1
COVID tree topper?? Yes! A farmer friend of Dan's (pub landlord) made it! I'll take a photo of it later and send it to suzi...maybe she can put it on here so you can see it. I can't do things like that!!
The village pond
https://www.dropbox.com/s/aroe1kxwctrkdn6/20201218_173831.jpg?raw=1 How gorgeous!!
Jaq, that's really lovely! Sounds like a lovely day, did T enjoy himself too?
Flo, I'll look out for it lol
Jaquaia
20-12-20, 12:53 PM
T misbehaved a bit so he's lost his xbox for the day.
Bugger! What did he do? We had strict consequences for ours too.
Jaquaia
20-12-20, 03:53 PM
Grabbed A, she jumped and nutted him, though she had no idea because her hat is quite thick and fluffy, and his response was to punch her in the head. Luckily for him, his fist glanced off the top of her head so she didn't notice. The moment I told her she'd hurt T she apologised straight away with zero prompting.
That's not nice of him! It's so hard dealing with it all, but we always found "consequences" were the best way for Ben (losing xbox was always the most effective, but if he accepted the consequence then he could have it back), the time out stair for Hazel (she only ever ended up on it a coupe of times and sobbed like the world was over) and Fern had a mixture....
Sounds like you handled it perfectly! :)
Hey love, how are you today?
Jaquaia
22-12-20, 09:57 AM
Tired. Had an assignment due yesterday, kids have been misbehaving, been woken up 2 nights in a row by A having bad dreams (the unicorn she was riding was eaten by a t-rex) and then Toby decided to cough up a hairball under the bed just before 7 so dragged him out as it was easier to clean up if he did it on the main floor.
Jaquaia
22-12-20, 10:33 AM
Erm... not really. It's fun stuff though, I'm marzipaning the Christmas cakes, making peppermint coconut ice as I make it every year for my dad, making gingerbread men with A, I have chocolate covered marzipan balls to do too and gingerbread fudge.
That sounds like a huge amount! Can you maybe pace it a bit?
Jaquaia
22-12-20, 11:28 AM
I'm going to spread it out over a few daysand J will help too. The main things is getting the left over marzipan covered in chocolate and put away before J eats it all!!!
(rofl) Yuk! I am NOT a lover of marzipan!
Jaquaia
22-12-20, 11:36 AM
We had to buy extra as he nicked a block I'd bought for a cake!!!
Stella180
22-12-20, 11:40 AM
I cant stand it either. If I'm given a piece of cake with marzipan and icing on the offending items are immediately removed. Why would you wanna ruin a lovely fruit cake with that evil stuff? If someone put Cyanide in the Marzipan how would you know?
Jaquaia
22-12-20, 11:44 AM
(rofl)(rofl)(rofl)
I love marzipan! The fruit cake is the issue!
Strugglingmum
22-12-20, 12:03 PM
I'm with you Jaq, give me the marzipan and keep the fruitcake!!
Stella180
22-12-20, 12:05 PM
Great, more cake for me lol
I've just thrown a huge bit of marzipan in the bin! You could have had that!(giggle) Just made a load of Baileys dark choc truffles....and I made shortbread with a twist...added zest of 2 oranges...they're ok actually. They've passed quality control aka Ian.
Stella180
22-12-20, 12:09 PM
Those truffles sound lush, but are they as nice as Magie's?
I cant stand it either. If I'm given a piece of cake with marzipan and icing on the offending items are immediately removed. Why would you wanna ruin a lovely fruit cake with that evil stuff? If someone put Cyanide in the Marzipan how would you know?
When we were little my Mum used to make fruit cake, marzipan and ice it. I hate all of it, but I used to take some which I gave the marzipan and icing to my little sister and gave the cake to my Dad! :)
Jaquaia
22-12-20, 03:24 PM
https://www.dropbox.com/s/29kvz0knzfsjmai/USER_SCOPED_TEMP_DATA_MSGR_PHOTO_FOR_UPLOAD_160865 0451885_6747169024943534327.jpeg?raw=1
A is happy!!!
Stella180
22-12-20, 03:28 PM
where's mine?
Those truffles sound lush, but are they as nice as Magie's?I've never tasted magie's. Mine are made with double cream, 70% dark choc and Belgian choc, with about 9 tblspns of bailey's. The ganache is in the fridge and tomorrow I shall roll into balls, put them on cocktail sticks then dip them in Belgian choc again. They're time consuming but delicious and boozy....so for those who are boozy floozies book now to avoid disappointment!(giggle)
Stella180
22-12-20, 08:28 PM
I'm first in the queue! they sound really naughty.
Jaquaia
22-12-20, 08:55 PM
They'd sound great except I can't stand baileys either! (rofl)
Ooh! 76 on my assignment!!!
Stella180
22-12-20, 09:15 PM
Nice one
Well done on the assignment x
Use rum instead of Baileys though I love both
Awesome Jaq!
As for those truffles, Flo, if it wasn’t illegal, I’d be sending Si to pick some up tonight ;)
Stella180
22-12-20, 10:38 PM
Can still stick some in the post special delivery for before Christmas ;) Alternatively a New Years treat, see out 2020 with a truffle or two.
I wouldn’t say no to some of your gingerbread Jaq either.
Strugglingmum
22-12-20, 10:38 PM
Well done Jaq
(party)well done Jaq great result!.....
If anyone wants the recipe of the boozy balls there's still time to make them! It's very easy.
Jaquaia
23-12-20, 09:15 AM
Angie I don't like rum either!
Erm am not sure what else brandy maybe?
Jaquaia
23-12-20, 10:50 AM
Ewww!!!!
Can you tell I'm not really a drinker? (giggle)
Stella180
23-12-20, 11:18 AM
Disaronno ;)
Lol yup, I rarely drink but when I do I do lol I only like shorts though apart from Gin yuk!
Jaquaia
23-12-20, 12:12 PM
May have to try it woth disaronno!
Jaquaia
23-12-20, 03:00 PM
Gingerbread fudge made and chilling in the fridge
Our house smells amazing!!!
Ewww!!!!
Can you tell I'm not really a drinker? (giggle)You'd be no good on a pub crawl!! You can do the driving!! I've probably spilt more down me cardie than you've put down yer throat...Hic!! (rofl)
I make it a point to always go to the pub with someone who doesn’t drink ..... ;)
Stella180
23-12-20, 07:02 PM
I was always the designated driver for years. Now I have to get a taxi. There is no justice in this world.
Jaquaia
23-12-20, 08:34 PM
I'm actually not bad! When I go to the dinner I get through a couple of pints, a full bottle of wine and several sambuca shots and still go to bed sober!
And I'd do the driving Flo but I've not passed my test! (giggle)
Gingerbread fudge tastes lovely! Very rich though!
Hooray! Sounds like you've had fun with the baking and stuff. It's good to see you loving things again love.
Jaquaia
23-12-20, 10:59 PM
I've got T's birthday cake to make tomorrow and I'm going to cook a lot of the food but I have enjoyed it.
I've even asked J for help tomorrow!!!
You're amazing! I'm shocked you've asked for help, but very impressed!
All that baking? Lovely...I find it very therapeutic. You've done well...you'll enjoy baking T's cake especially with help from J. They're very lucky to have you. It's going to be their best Christmas ever! Hairy Berry would be impressed!(y)
Strugglingmum
24-12-20, 07:39 AM
More baking here today too. Mince pies, sponge for trifle and a steamed sponge pudding for tomorrow ........ oh and 'that damn jumper' to finish.
Morning lovely, how are you today?
Jaquaia
24-12-20, 08:54 AM
I love baking, always have, I just can't always focus on it so I'm enjoying it while I can :)
Hope you get the jumper finished SM!
Suzi, tired and achey but knew I would be hence me asking for help from J.
Oh and 75 on my literature review (party)
It's all happening in the DWD kitchen! It all sounds scrummy! Have a great day.
Well done on the review! That's brilliant!
I'm glad you've asked for help.
Jaquaia
24-12-20, 01:31 PM
Not actually started anything yet as I went to top up my mums meds and tale my parents presents and Christmas cake! So lunch first then baking.
Stella180
24-12-20, 02:02 PM
How are the ‘rents?
Glad it sounds like you are pacing a bit too!
Jaquaia
24-12-20, 03:49 PM
How are the ‘rents?
Not too bad! My dad was complaining that his turkey wasn't ready! (giggle)
Glad it sounds like you are pacing a bit too!
A bit. We've done gingerbread and T's cake is ready to go in. The plan is to get everything done that we need to get done then watch It's a Wonderful Life
Jaquaia
24-12-20, 04:26 PM
(rofl)(rofl)(rofl)
It made him happy! (giggle)
Jaquaia
24-12-20, 07:52 PM
Nah. Feel like an ungrateful cow at the moment! My friend asked a week or 2 before my birthday what books I would like for my birthday and Christmas so I asked for the new Hunger Games book and anything by Brandon Sanderson. His package arrived a couple of days ago in a state so the postie handed it over in a plastic bag. Just sat and sorted presents out and the paper moved and I spotted the author. I have all of his books and have had them around 10 years, hence me not mentioning him! Why ask me what authors I would like if you're going to ignore me, especially knowing how many books I have!?!
Oh, can you change them at all?
I read your post but I have to side with Suzi. You are amazing. I remember going to a birthday party from a co worker. And he asked me before what I drank. So I told him a dutch alcoholic beverage with coke. He said oh bacardi? So I said no. I get massive headaches from that. And when I got there. He came to me and said I got you bacardi haha. Did that make me ungrateful? Nope. Made him inconsiderate.
Jaquaia
24-12-20, 09:33 PM
I don't know where he got them from.
Jaquaia
24-12-20, 10:04 PM
He'd want to know why. This is why I suggested Brandon Sanderson as I don't have anything by him and I know I'm hard to buy for when it comes to books. It's why I have an app with them all on as I can't remember what I have! And even then I forget as my to read books aren't on there. I know I sound ungrateful but I can't see why he asked me if he wasn't going to listen.
Maybe he forgot what you said?
Jaquaia
24-12-20, 10:40 PM
It was via text so he could have checked back. I just feel guilty and frustrated that he's pretty much wasted his money. And he's going to be excited about me liking my present so I'm going to have to lie to him too as saying I've already got them will upset him. But then me not being truthful will probably upset him too so what the hell do I do??
Stella180
24-12-20, 10:47 PM
Tell the truth. It’s cool you can arrange to exchange them.
Ah, yes, a text should have been good enough... I don’t know the answer to your question, though I don’t think I’m as brave as Stella
Stella180
24-12-20, 11:49 PM
I think it’s disrespectful not to mention it. If this person thinks they’ve done right by you they would be gutted to have got it wrong and want to put it right. Give them that chance.
Jaquaia
26-12-20, 08:39 PM
Finally finished my birthday present!!!
https://www.dropbox.com/s/oms9l3yt5fk7qv8/20201226_202638.jpg?raw=1
Strugglingmum
26-12-20, 10:47 PM
That looks fab Jaq. Well done
Morning love, how are you?
Jaquaia
27-12-20, 11:04 AM
Truthfully? I don't know. My sister posted on her fb yesterday about having Christmas dinner with her partners sister over zoom and opening presents with my mum and dad at her house and my brother on zoom and I was left out. I hate video calls but I would have done it Christmas Day but nothing was even mentioned to me so feeling very much like an outsider. And feeling very uncomfortable with just how much his mum and dad bought me for Christmas. That might sound ridiculous but I would have been over the moon with a fraction of what they bought me and I don't quite know how to process it.
Wow, that's really tough re Christmas. I totally understand as I'm the one who's always left out too. Have you told your parents how much it hurt you?
What did they get you? Could it be that they just wanted to spoil you as you've changed so much for their son and grandchildren?
Jaquaia
27-12-20, 11:39 AM
I didn't. Probably should though.
Where do I start???
The first 4 books in the Strike series by Robert Galbraith
The first 6 books in the Rivers of London
A Brandon Sanderson trilogy
A freshwater pearl bracelet
A pair of freshwater pearl studs
A pair of lapis lazuli studs
A handmade glass vase
Turkish delight
Jelly babies
Cookbook
And J said it's because they don't want me to feel left out with having less than him. They used to do the same with Cruella.
And J said it's because they don't want me to feel left out with having less than him. They used to do the same with Cruella.
I’m afraid I did the same with Dom - I just felt guilty not doing the same for him as I did for Katie. He was a bit shocked, I think, as his family don’t really do Christmas. Maybe next year I should do less for Katie rather than more for Dom... Mind you, I also did way too much for Si, he was a wee bit cross.
I love, both the Strike and Rivers of London series, enjoy!
Jaquaia
27-12-20, 11:55 AM
I just found it weird. He's their son, I'm not even their daughter-in-law yet. I would expect him to get more. Possibly down to upbringing I suppose.
To me, Dom and Katie might not be married, but they’re living together and therefore are married in all but the paperwork ;)
Ahh, you see Marc's parents don't really do presents for adults, so we got a bottle of wine each, but my Mum always gets me more than Marc which has always made me feel really uncomfortable. I can see why you're uncomfortable...
WRT your parents are you going to tell them, or ignore it because it's the easier thing to do?
Jaquaia
27-12-20, 12:46 PM
I suppose it's all down to what we're used to really!
Suzi, I have no idea what you mean...
So, going to ignore it and the fact that it hurt you to make things easier then huh?
Jaquaia
27-12-20, 01:33 PM
My sister is like Cruella at times, it's always everyone elses fault.
Ahhh, I see... Although it's still worth mentioning to your Mum? Your feelings are valid and deserve to be acknowledged.
If you were my daughter, I’d want to know if I hurt you, even if it was unintentional
Jaquaia
27-12-20, 03:25 PM
It's not my mum as she doesn't get zoom or any of the online calling stuff really.
But maybe she could suggest that you are included next time or something?
Jaquaia
28-12-20, 02:38 PM
Maybe.
Just been out for a 2 and a half hour walk. I ache, my ankles are a little swollen but I feel so much better mentally. Yesterday was a bit "meh"
Yeah why meh? And remember, the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth :)
And not just for me or Suzi or anyone. But also for yourself.
I hope that even on the meh day there was a spark of joy or a good laugh.
Jaquaia
28-12-20, 06:47 PM
No idea why, I just felt really apathetic, couldn't focus on anything or be bothered with anything.
I know what you mean, I had that yesterday. I could not get out of bed and only managed in the evening. But if its a day then its ok. Hope you are doing better now?
Could it be the aftermath of Christmas? Getting everything right for everyone etc? The emotional responses to everything?
Jaquaia
28-12-20, 11:05 PM
Mostly better Mira. Possibly Suzi.
This is just outside the village. We didn't see a soul on this stretch! Ended up walking about 4 and a half miles.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/lfco7r2ktxxkp5r/20201228_125710.jpg?raw=1
That's a lovely photo Jaq. It's very pretty where you are isn't it?
Jaquaia
29-12-20, 08:52 AM
It's gorgeous here, we're right on the edge of the Yorkshire Wolds here.
This is the old railway line
https://www.dropbox.com/s/slkhxwriwz93uqu/20201228_132121.jpg?raw=1
To the left as you enter the village
https://www.dropbox.com/s/qt2d2l6yknzsgge/20201228_120939.jpg?raw=1
And the village church where we're hoping to marry
https://www.dropbox.com/s/dlb34ems319bhov/20201228_120514_001.jpg?raw=1
Such lovely photos! What a beautiful Church!
Wow! I love old churches I love reading the grave stones!! I also love the insides of them and try and picture them full of people in days gone by. You have wonderful countryside like us. Do you get many foxes? In January they start mating and the screaming/screeching sound they make at night is quite spooky! We sometimes leave cat food out for the hedgehogs...bless em!
How are you doing lovely?
Jaquaia
29-12-20, 10:20 PM
Flo, not seen any yet but I can often hear owls on a night!
Suzi, I'm ok. The in laws popped round with some flowers for me earlier which was a nice surprise!
https://www.dropbox.com/s/q7oubjw9kq94pi8/20201229_150249.jpg?raw=1
The green vase is my Christmas present from the in-laws.
It's also totm which might explain the meh day the other day. Done a bit of a top up shop and played with Lego with A and not done much else.
It's a beautiful vase! Nice of them to pop round with flowers!
Lovely vase and flowers...it looks like a vase that you could have a 'garden in a bottle' in! but you're too young to remember them I expect. But I can also see a Terry's chocolate orange!!!
Morning love, how are you?
Jaquaia
30-12-20, 11:39 AM
Morning love, how are you?
Tired. The plan is lego with A, doctors with J then uni work.
Gorgeous colour vase
It's absolutely lovely and goes fab with the living room!
I'm glad it sounds like you're going to be pacing...
I love Lego!.....the price of it these days though is phenomenal. Hope J got on ok. Have a nice evening.
Strugglingmum
30-12-20, 06:51 PM
Hope you're feeling a bit easier this evening. Great up you have been so busy recently
Jaquaia
30-12-20, 07:05 PM
J is on a 24 hour blood pressure monitor as it was high again and as they think it's anxiety and 'white coat syndrome' rather than an actual issue with his blood pressure, they figured this would get results quickly so he can get back to work. They stuck white coat syndrome in his records so others who look after him are aware and were also brilliant about letting me go in with him to keep him calm. Didn't quite go to plan but was still better than in his medical.
Uni work now!
I have that too... Anyone asks about taking my bp and it rockets! I've found mindfulness really, really helpful.
Jaquaia
30-12-20, 10:23 PM
I don't know what to do. His mood is really low, he feels like a failure and he's worrying about money. Everytime the monitor goes to take a reading it sets his anxiety off which increases his blood pressure and it's just one big vicious circle at the moment
If it isn’t white coat syndrome (and that’s a big if) and he needs medication, does that affect his job?
Have you got a BP monitor of your own? If not, I suggest you get one. Ian had his taken by nurse last month and it rocketed, so was sent home with a 7 day BP reading form.I took it am and pm and he was fine and BP normal. I've worn a BP monitor 3 times...you know the ones...you go to bed and it's like being attacked by an octopus...and the damn things fall off. Little or no sleep. But, they turn off for a few hours. If I had a fiver for everyone I know who's bp rockets in surgery setting I'd be a wealthy woman! Ever since I bought one I've been ok.
Jaquaia
31-12-20, 08:45 AM
If it isn’t white coat syndrome (and that’s a big if) and he needs medication, does that affect his job?
Yes, he'd need to get it okay'd be the duty pharmacist before they'd even let him back in the box.
Have you got a BP monitor of your own? If not, I suggest you get one. Ian had his taken by nurse last month and it rocketed, so was sent home with a 7 day BP reading form.I took it am and pm and he was fine and BP normal. I've worn a BP monitor 3 times...you know the ones...you go to bed and it's like being attacked by an octopus...and the damn things fall off. Little or no sleep. But, they turn off for a few hours. If I had a fiver for everyone I know who's bp rockets in surgery setting I'd be a wealthy woman! Ever since I bought one I've been ok.
We bought one on the recommendation of the receptionist when he first rang for an appointment and his blood pressure has been fine!
Could he use your one and take photos of the readings to prove things?
Jaquaia
31-12-20, 09:08 AM
The surgery gave us the form for the 7 day readings but thought this might get him back to work quicker. He's back this afternoon so we'll see what it says then.
The one I was sent home with took my bp every 20 minutes for 24 hours. I hope his comes back fine.
What are you up to today? How's the uni ork going?
Uni ork? Is Jaq studying in Mordor? (rofl)
Stella180
31-12-20, 11:18 AM
Haha, that was quick for you Paula. Geek.
(rofl) I had a Christmas tree needle stuck under my w key!!
Jaquaia
31-12-20, 11:29 AM
(rofl)
This one takes his bp every 30 minutes during the day and every hour during the night. He's back today to get it off but he's had so many error codes and a few high readings that I'm not sure it will be ok.
Stella180
31-12-20, 11:35 AM
They are a pita. I hated having one on.
Jaquaia
31-12-20, 12:01 PM
He's had to take it off now, it started making his arm go purple and numb
They really are a pita!.....poor J. The very fact that people have to wear those contraptions is enough to raise BP. You'd think in this day and age with the technology we have that someone could design something a bit more comfortable!
Jaquaia
31-12-20, 12:29 PM
He's in a bit of a state now and his mood is on the floor. I've rung and spoken to his dad and let him know just how low he is at the moment and explained anxiety how my psych nurse explained it to me, so hopefully they understand a bit more , even if they don't know how it feels.
Strugglingmum
31-12-20, 01:39 PM
(panda)
Oh, bless him, what a nightmare (panda)
Jaquaia
31-12-20, 03:03 PM
His dad has just popped across to check on him and brought him some chocolate too. I'm glad he listened when I told him that asking him how he was and little treats would help a little. He seems a little brighter at least.
Well done for getting through to his dad, that's brilliant. I'm sorry he's in such a state atm, it's horrible seeing someone you love like that...
Jaquaia
31-12-20, 05:45 PM
It really is. He's worried he's on the verge of a breakdown so trying to look after him as much as I can. Getting back to work will help him but this medical has thrown a huge spanner in the works. It doesn't help that it's cost him over a grand in extra wages...
Stella180
31-12-20, 06:11 PM
When does to get the results of the BP monitoring?
Oh bless him. Can you try focussing on things that he likes? Build a giant railway track or something? Help him to focus on the positives and the basics?
Jaquaia
31-12-20, 07:11 PM
They said in the next couple of days but just realised tomorrow is New Years Day...
He's been in the workshop off and on all day. Probably the best thing for him at the moment
If you ever need to talk then I've lived with Marc through everything...
Jaquaia
31-12-20, 07:28 PM
Thank you. I think it helps that I've been there myself and understand how it feels, but it's completely different when I'm the one doing the supporting. I want to make everything better but I can't and I don't like it.
I totally understand that one! I'm a "fixer" too...
Stella180
31-12-20, 09:27 PM
Yep, another fixer here too
Jaquaia
01-01-21, 04:52 PM
Not even 24 hours into the New Year and already had extreme sarcasm from J! All I said was I should have asked him for help with the bread as my hand was hurting and I didn't as I'm stubborn!
"Stubborn? You??? Really???"
Just rude!
(rofl) Sounds as helpful as my Boys - I burnt my fingers and I've had lots of stupid comments!
Can you rest your hand?
Jaquaia
01-01-21, 05:15 PM
It's the joint right at the bottom of my thumb so it hurts when I grip. I don't know if it's RA related or not. Our house smells of fresh bread now though!
OOO I have similar pains and hate it!
Marc bought me a breadmaker for Christmas so I can make my own gluten free bread! Otherwise I used a mixer to make the dough - or Ben! He makes amazing bread!
Jaquaia
01-01-21, 05:52 PM
This is just a bread mix from Asda, it's gorgeous! But you're supposed to knead it for 5 minutes. I may have to try the bread hook on my mixer if my hands hurt next time I do it.
Strugglingmum
01-01-21, 06:41 PM
Love my bread maker but I also love doing it by hand and taking my agitation out on the dough kneading it.
There’s something in the air - Si has been giving me lots of aggro for not letting Katie walk Jax yesterday...
Jaquaia
02-01-21, 09:59 PM
Ok, I've resorted to my compression gloves and J has suggested me sleeping in them as my hands are swollen. He's said we can get me some coloured ones though so they look less medical so he's awesome.
So, will you please try not to overdo it tomorrow?
Jaquaia
02-01-21, 10:38 PM
Mainly studying tomorrow, need to start essay writing, but J has already given me my orders!
How are you today? Pacing? Being gentle with yourself?
Jaquaia
03-01-21, 11:47 AM
I'm ok, tired but had lots of hugs from A.
Glad you're having love from A! How's T? J?
Jaquaia
03-01-21, 12:54 PM
J is low and exhausted. T's mood isn't great and it's been affecting his behaviour but he finally told us last night and is doing miles better so far. Though that could also be due to the threat of gravy on his dinner...
Just put a travel cot together for A that we bought her for Christmas and ended up in trouble with J as my hands are hurting.
I’m not going to comment on the travel cot as I suspect I’d be called a hypocrite today lol. What happened with J’s BP?
Jaquaia
03-01-21, 01:42 PM
He needs to ring Monday for results
What's up with T?
Travel cot? Really? Definitely siding with J on this one....
Jaquaia
03-01-21, 03:10 PM
Put it on my other thread.
It's a doll sized one! I didn't think it will be so difficult!
Ahh the small and fiddly type lol
Jaquaia
03-01-21, 10:29 PM
Ok, I confess that J has made me take pain relief, I've dug out my self-heating compression gloves as my hands often feel cold at the moment and I have a massive headache behind my eye which is making me feel sick so possible migraine too. Even had to get J to undo my bra, not that he complained much about that... Even A when J told her to be gentle as my hands were hurting started offering me her teddies to snuggle.
Having to battle through though as have an essay to write... so plan is to do the easy bit tonight, get a good nights sleep and then spend 2 days focused on it.
Awww!!! I love that A is trying to help too! Although I'm somewhat gobsmacked that you're asking for and accepting help!!!!!
Jaquaia
03-01-21, 10:41 PM
Hey I can just log out of here if you lot start nagging me and ignore you. I live with J so it's not that easy and I'm too stiff to keep ducking when he goes to clip me around the ear for not asking for help!!! :P
Do you not take regular pain relief?
Stella180
04-01-21, 08:02 AM
She’s a northerner. Tough as nails up there. Lol
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