View Full Version : That sinking feeling
Stella180
06-12-20, 09:40 PM
I stupidly read a post I made on FB a year ago today. 2019 was difficult but generally positive year for me and I had big expectations for 2020, none of which have materialised. I lost a cousin to Covid, a brother to cancer, I’ve lost friends due to misunderstandings and I’m no closer to seeing my boys despite my positive outlook. Why do things always go from bad to worse for me? I make every effort to improve me situation but it’s like being in quicksand, the more I fight to get out, the deeper I sink. The highlight of this year? Being accepted for a boiler grant and having hot water again after a month. I don’t know why I bother.
I think there have probably been more smaller positives this year, but given the current way you are feeling I can understand that you are finding them difficult to see.
Yesterday you wrote that I was the male version of you. In that case I want to tell you to stop being dismissive of the little things that happen in your life that are good and positive!
On that note, we should celebrate the little things way more and better. I love the fab 5 thread every Friday. But for you and me we should be more aware of them every day. My therapist once said that with children we applaud the little things they do. Hey you brushed your teeth :) Well done for clearing the table. So many things. But when we clean the table we think yeah nice but the rest looks terrible.
Every little thing is important. In the same way that you are important. You might not see it but I do. You Rock!!
Jaquaia
07-12-20, 09:37 AM
You became Talia's mummy! She's been positive for you
Stella180
07-12-20, 01:49 PM
Yes, of course Talia is a superstar but I’m not her new mummy, more of a crazy aunt. She can clearly see I’m not right. The cleaners came today and normally she gets all excited, especially over the one lady but I was upstairs most of the time and she never left my side. Even when I was downstairs she was still stuck to me. I put the heating on earlier and can’t get warm which isn’t like me at all. Normally 30 mins is enough to take the chill off, an hour and I’m sweating. I’ve comeback to bed and the snuggle pup is giving me the best cuddles ever.
Jaquaia
07-12-20, 03:28 PM
Well she couldn't gone to anyone better
Stella180
07-12-20, 03:29 PM
Oh she probably could but I’m so glad you chose me. I love that little chunk to bits.
I'm glad you have each other. Have you eaten? Had enough to drink? Taken meds?
Stella180
07-12-20, 04:56 PM
I’ve done meds and eaten a ton of crap earlier. Building myself up to take a far over due shower but I’m being pinned down by a beautiful little snuggle pup.
Do you have any healthier options to eat? What have you had today?
Stella180
07-12-20, 06:42 PM
Oh there have been pears and grapes on the menu and a load of chocolate which I didn’t enjoy cos I’m not really a chocoholic. That’s about it.
Pears and grapes are great, but full of natural sugar. Add that to chocolate and it's going to be a crappy time for your blood sugar. You need to start looking after you please? Can you start with the small things? Have you got up and got dressed? Even changed into clean pjs? Shower? Been out to the garden with Talia?
Stella180
07-12-20, 07:00 PM
No no no and no :( I have attempted to make a couple of paracord items but my head isn’t right and I can’t get it right, at least not to my own high standards.
It’s the little man’s birthday tomorrow. I wanted to make him a card but I sit down and my mind goes blank. Total lack of creativity. Something else to feel bad about cos it’s his 13th and I wanted to make it special and he likes my handmade stuff, at least he used to.
Sweetheart, you’re putting too much expectation on yourself. It’s not the end of the world if he gets a shop bought card, particularly if it is less stressful for you. And the paracord stuff can wait. What is much more important is that you eat more healthily, get clean and dressed and get into the garden for some fresh air. YOU are far more important than a card.
Stella180
07-12-20, 09:14 PM
It my baby boys birthday. If not bought him much as it is and don’t even know if he’ll like what I’ve got. The least I can do is make the effort to make him a card. This is his time not mine.
I’ve ordered a takeaway and had a shower so tomorrow just need to deliver the presents.
As we do in the Netherlands, we congratulate everyone. So happy birthday with your boy (panda).
And its both your time. Yes its his birthday but you are also important. And later when he looks back on this will he remember if he got a made card? Maybe?
My mum did everything she could for her children. And more. The best moments in my opinion where when she did something for herself. Your son would never want his mum to break or crack under pressure she gave herself. He never would.
Stella180
07-12-20, 09:23 PM
Mira I hear what you’re saying but I am no the kinda mother you have. I have let my boys down so many times, made so many mistakes, a just wanna get something right for once in my life.
You may not be the mother I have, but there are a lot of things I can see in you that are also my mothers. My mother would fight to the death for us. I have no doubt you would too. So many of your thoughts are for your children. You would give them the shirt of your back. Everything would be for them. Thats what you and my mum share.
You should not look at this in black and white. My father had 40 years to reach out to me. He was free to do so. He never did. That I can see in black and white. he is a @#$@#%.
You are not. Its been a rough ride I understand. But when I think of you and compare it to my parents. I see way more of my mum in you then my dad. And you may not believe it. But that is my truth.
How are you this morning?
Listen to Mira. That post is so spot on. Happy birthday to your young man love. You're doing all you can to fight to see him etc... What time are you going over to take the presents?
Stella180
08-12-20, 10:50 AM
Later this afternoon.
Stella180
08-12-20, 06:17 PM
Not suitable for public discussion.
(panda)(panda) I hope you are ok and safe.
Stella180
08-12-20, 11:52 PM
(panda)(panda) I hope you are ok and safe.
I’m safer now than I was earlier. I really had enough earlier and was hurting so badly. I didn’t deal with it the best way possible but I’m ok. Could always be better but I’m ok.
How are you doing? Did you sleep?
Stella180
09-12-20, 08:51 AM
Yeah I slept. Had lots of cuddles too.
Stella180
09-12-20, 12:12 PM
Not great. Can’t stop thinking about yesterday. Report is due today and I need to speak with the solicitor after we’ve both read that.
Thats understandable. Is there someone you can talk to do you can reflect on yesterday a bit?
I hope you've been kind to you this afternoon x
Stella180
09-12-20, 04:44 PM
I had a nap while waiting for the full report to come through. Still no sign of it. This whole thing is a bloody joke.
(panda) Have you spoken to your solicitor?
Stella180
09-12-20, 06:20 PM
Not yet. Messaged cafcass and said they will send it via email but a paper copy is in the post too.
Stella180
09-12-20, 07:20 PM
Report is in and there is a lot of BS in there. My poor kids, no wonder Martin is confused.
Do you want me to move this thread so it's not in the public section?
Stella180
10-12-20, 09:12 AM
No point.
OK, if you change your mind let me know.
Stella180
10-12-20, 09:47 AM
No reason to move it. No point hiding anymore. Yet again I am completely broken.
Stella180
10-12-20, 04:40 PM
I received the packaging today to send my phone off for repair from the insurance company. I’ve been told that I’m looking at a 20 day turnaround so that means the best part of a month without my phone. I’m using an old handset at the moment but it’s dodgy so I’m really hoping it comes back sound than later.
So I damaged my phone, report comes back with bad news, I have a PiP assessment booked for Wednesday...surely I must be due a change in fortune soon. I’m really not dealing well with everything. It’s one thing after another at the moment and I just wanna scream and shout and throw a massive tantrum and it’s taking everything I can to not go off the rails.
I'm trying to find a plus side!....it can't get any worse so the only way is up from now on..things always happen in 3's!
There are lots of things going on, but you're going to have to take it one day at a time.
Stella180
10-12-20, 08:40 PM
I found my laser pointer earlier and put new batteries in it. Talia has kept me entertained ever since. She really is a special animal in every sense of the word. I get chatting with my old Joy worker tonight who checked up on me. She offered an interesting opinion on the report. Not sure I feel better about it but something else to mention to the solicitor.
I’ve just discovered America’s Top Dog. A bunch of K9’s and an “underdog” doing various challenges from agility courses to drug searches. It’s really cool.
Glad you had a check up with her love and that you've got another angle to mention to your solicitor.
Stella180
10-12-20, 09:41 PM
I also had a mega cheap dinner courtesy of Tesco reduced stock. Steak - £1.99, Salad - 39p, and Strawberries for dessert - 81p. Bloody bargain. I love a yellow label deal.
Morning, how are you today?
Stella180
11-12-20, 11:26 AM
Had a call with sleep clinic this morning but other than that all I’ve done in sleep.
Have you eaten, drank, medicated?
Stella180
11-12-20, 11:35 AM
Meds and a mouthful of water to take them with.
Stella180
11-12-20, 11:49 AM
Oops! I may have accidentally bought a new pair of over ear headphones. Not a cheap pair either.
Well I use mine a lot so I am happy that mine are comfy. Do you use them a lot?
Stella180
11-12-20, 12:35 PM
I have more sets of headphones than I have underwear. Put a max bid on eBay for some Bower and Wilkins PX7 and I won. £350 brand new and just picked up a used pair for £120.
Can I ask why you bought more if you've already got lots?
Have you had a proper amount to drink and something sensible to eat yet?
Stella180
11-12-20, 03:39 PM
Well I can’t find my favourite pair and the AirPods I have are fine but I can’t wear them for long due to comfort and they are in ear. The only wireless pair of over ear headphones I have are cheap ones so been looking at high end ANC wireless cans. I really wanted some Bang and Oulfsen as I’ve always dreamed of owning one of their products which are incredible but couldn’t anything as the right money. Get outbid on some H9’s twice is the dying seconds by a pound! Gutted. I hadn’t considered Bowers and Wilkins previously but I did a bit of research and actually they look good, tons of features and a lot of great reviews so I took the gamble and my new toy will be with me next week. I need something positive cos I have a seriously tough run in til Christmas.
Stella180
11-12-20, 04:32 PM
I hope that are as good as the reviews all state cos I’ve never tried a pair before so buying blind. Already downloaded the app (yes that’s right to control the noise cancellation and update somewhere) ready to get them set up to my personal preference. Long gone are the days of just sticking them on your head and pressing play. We’re talking about the full sound experience.
I hope they are awesome for you!
Stella180
11-12-20, 05:28 PM
Of course if anybody loves me enough to buy my some of these beautiful beasts for Christmas...
https://www.bang-olufsen.com/en/headphones/beoplay-h95
Hunni, I don’t love my husband enough for those ;)
Stella180
11-12-20, 06:01 PM
I suppose I’ll just have to keep dreaming then.
I don't have 700p right now, let alone £700 lol
Stella180
12-12-20, 06:49 PM
I got a call from my sister today asking if I wanted to go out for a drive. She needed someone to direct her to collect something she bought off Facebook. It got me out of the house for a bit. She wanted a bit of shopping so went to B&M for a few bits and pieces including some Harry Potter playing cards and a can of Stormtrooper Galactic Pale Ale. Yep, Star Wars beer lol. She wanted to go to Tesco too but wasn’t up for that as well so I waited in the car. She wanted to go out for a meal but I wasn’t in the mood so she bought me sausage and chips from the local chippy on the way home which was nice of her.
I think it sounds great that you got out together and that she bought you dinner. Maybe you need to see more of her atm?
Stella180
12-12-20, 09:33 PM
I sent her the report but she hasn’t read it yet. I told her some of the details and she is really annoyed. I think she finally realises just how big an impact all of this is having on me.
It can only be good that she's seeing it...
Stella180
13-12-20, 12:28 PM
Yep. This is the first time I’ve sent her anything, partly because I never felt she was particularly interested and partly cos I didn’t want her worrying about stuff.
She’s your sister, of course she’s interested - she loves you.
Stella180
13-12-20, 12:48 PM
Yeah she’s my sister which means I know what she’s like. She has now offered to come round after work Christmas Day and have dinner with me after I pointed out that she was my only family. I’ve got my head around being on my own now so I’ll probably leave it that way.
I really wish you would spend some time with her, I really don’t like the thought of you being alone
Stella180
13-12-20, 01:20 PM
There’s only two people I want to spend time with on Christmas Day, and that’s not going to happen.
No it might not, but it doesn't mean you have to spend it with just Talia....
Stella180
13-12-20, 05:39 PM
I think I’d prefer that this year. I’m going to treat myself to a nice Christmas dinner, and even Talia might get one. I have food and booze and a TV remote. I’ll be fine
That's your choice, but it might be a good idea not to say no definitely to your sister...
See how you feel and leave your options open...but, I know two people spending Christmas on their own and they are looking forward to it. I find Christmas quite stressful. It's because I ruined so many C. days drinking and my kids suffered as a result. I'd cancel it if I had my way. There are a lot of people who see it as just another 24 hours...
(panda) Flo...
How are you today Stella?
Stella180
14-12-20, 12:39 PM
Headphones have arrived. All set up and listening to Beat It. Sounds good. Solicitor is calling shortly so see what they are like on calls.
Jolly good! Are they your Christmas prezzy to yourself?
Stella180
14-12-20, 01:59 PM
They are. Now listening to Billy Joel performing live in my ears. The noise cancellation is pretty awesome too so going shopping will be a bit less stressful.
How did it go with the solicitor?
Stella180
14-12-20, 03:54 PM
Not good.
Stella180
14-12-20, 05:58 PM
It’s not really in our hands anymore. He can put in his argument against the report but from experience he’s not hopeful.
(panda) (bear) (panda) (bear)
(panda) was there anything in addition to the report he talked to you about?
Stella180
14-12-20, 09:37 PM
Like what?
Like what happens next? After the court?
Stella180
15-12-20, 06:53 AM
Can’t answer that until we know what happens.
I’ve managed to get through a couple of audiobooks tonight but not a wink of sleep. My head is pounding and I feel like crap but I just relax properly. Even cuddling the snuggle pup didn’t help. Gonna get up and have a shower and start sorting my craft table out. It’s a complete mess and I have so much stuff to do.
Can you be kind to you today?
Stella180
15-12-20, 07:45 PM
I gave up and went to bed at 1.30pm, my cleaners showed up a few minutes after my washing machine dumped its contents all over my kitchen floor so they cleaned that up for me which was good timing. They even bought me a Christmas present which was kind of them. I managed a couple of hours kip but I’m absolutely shattered and can’t wait to hit the sack again. Trying to hold out til 10pm when the darts is over. Day 1 of the World Championship today. I have to be up early in the morning for my PiP assessment which I’m not really prepared for but I just want it over and done with.
All yo can do tomorrow is tell them how things really are for you. Be honest.
Stella180
15-12-20, 10:22 PM
Typical. Been knackered all day and now I don’t want to sleep. Not impressed.
Thinking of you today. Hope it goes as well as it can do.
With you in spirit (bear)
Stella180
16-12-20, 09:08 AM
I’ve just been through my cupboards and drawers searching for my paperwork and notes. I’ve found loads of stuff I didn’t want but eventually found what I needed. Cleaners. Call is at 9.15 and a bit nervous. I think this is worse doing it by phone than f2f cos I’ve skipped the biggest part for me the prep. Planning what time to leave the house, where to park, or would it be easier by bus? Getting up, showered, dressed medicated and what do I need to take with me? Phone, keys, paperwork etc. For some reason taking a call while lazing on the sofa in my pjs feels wrong.
Jaquaia
16-12-20, 09:23 AM
Taking the call naked would be worse ;)
Thinking of you
Stella180
16-12-20, 10:26 AM
All done. 6-8 weeks to find out my fate. Not sure how it went cos she was literally just reading a script. Being asked what my “autism symptoms” were was....well what a dumb question. Anyway it’s over for now. Just wait and see what happens. Probably something else I will have to fight for but trying not to think about that. Got enough crap in my life as it is to deal with.
Well done, love. Can you please, please be kind to you now?
Well done love. Are you being kind to you now?
Stella180
16-12-20, 01:33 PM
If by being kind to me you mean cleaning my CPAP changing the filter and setting up the new humidifier while watching the darts then yes, I’m being very kind to myself. Talia is being very clingy today. Literally just as I typed that she lifted her head off my lap, sat up and gave me kisses and nudged my arm so I would give her cuddles.
Aww puppy cuddles are awesome..
Stella180
16-12-20, 02:46 PM
She’s a real cuddle monster. I’m not lay on the sofa, she is lay behind we snoring.she’s not happy if she’s not touching me. She really is the most loving dog anyone could ask for but sometimes it can be annoying when you just want to be left alone. She has been spoiled rotten for Christmas and not only by me.
Is the humidifier worth getting?
Stella180
16-12-20, 04:05 PM
I struggle with a dry mouth and me being me I’ve just put up with it for ages but it’s taking its toll now especially on my gums so it was recommended I give it a try. I’ll let you know how I get on with it after tonight.
Yeah, that’s my biggest issue - ami dries my mouth, so thank you
Stella180
16-12-20, 05:17 PM
Absolutely fuming!!!:@:@:@
Just received an email from the company I was advised to send my phone to for repair. The insurance claim I made on 3rd December when I was warned that repairs may take up to 20 days, I expected to get my phone back by Christmas or at least before the new year. I’ve now been told that the repair can only be carried out by Apple (we knew this right from the start) and the repairer isn’t Apple authoritied so is waiting for them to send a pack to forward the phone and carry out the repair. However, the repair centre who currently have my phone closes for Christmas on Friday and as the pack is unlikely to arrive before then they won’t be able to send it off until they reopen...on 11th Jan!!! It’s taken two weeks already to send it to some one who isn’t even authorised to fix it. Then a further 3 weeks until the handset is sent to and authorised repair centre, and a potentially a further 20 days for the repair to be carried out. The phone is then sent back the the guy who emailed me today who will them send it back to me so I’m looking at getting it back sometime in February.
I have just gone ballistic at the insurers, (Insure My Gadget for those who want to avoid them which I strongly recommend) who have blamed COVID, 2nd lockdown, the postal service, and even The phone but still will not accept that their service is (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) poor. I pointed out that the reason I took insurance on my phone what is for peace of mind and and instead one pad is nothing but stress.
Strugglingmum
16-12-20, 05:17 PM
Katie lay and cuddled me today throughout my psychology appointment, when I cried she just cuddled all the harder
Stella - what are you going to do? Is it just a have to wait thing or can you get it sorted elsewhere?
Stella180
17-12-20, 12:32 AM
You’ll love this. I have3 options.
1. Wait til February
2. Have the phone sent back to me and then go to the post office and send it off again to a different third party repairer, who still isn’t Apple authorised but is open over the Christmas period, and get them to send it to Apple for repair.
3. Have the phone sent back to me, and take it to my nearest Apple store, approximately 30 miles away, pay £197 for the repair, and send the invoice to the insurance company for reimbursement which will take 5-10 days from date of receipt.
Bare in mind that I have already paid a £50 excess, and when you add on the cost of fuel to drop off and pick up the phone plus my time it defeats the object of having insurance in the first place so I’m going for the second option but I feel like I’ve been proper stitched up and still won’t get the phone back til well after New Year.
Just another day in the life of me. One more thing that should be simple yet I still have to fight for, and you wonder why I am so sick of this life?
Oh, and in other news, I’ve bought a smaller unit for my living room so need to clear out the old one and transfer stuff to the new one ready for the old one to be chucked out and my sister wants me to go out with her tomorrow. She said she’ll call to let me know what time, which means either she will forget to call or expect me to be ready with about 10 mins notice.
I know it's frustrating about your phone, and some insurers can be totally annoying and rubbish, but at least you are going to get it done..
What's the unit?
It's good that you're going out with your sister...
Is it worth calling your sister this morning rather than waiting for her to call?
Stella180
17-12-20, 09:44 AM
Morning? My sister doesn’t do mornings lol
Still, might be an idea to call her so you have an idea of time?
Stella180
17-12-20, 12:06 PM
I’m just going to get on with transferring stuff to the new unit. It’s less that half the size and I’ve got a lot of crap to get rid of. Just sat down to try and work out what I’m going to do with all the rest. I’m got as far as transferring my darts trophies. At least the ones I rescued after my ex went on his rampage and damaged most of them.
What time tomorrow, hunni?
Stella180
17-12-20, 03:34 PM
That was back on the day I left the house. My county awards for lady of the match all got broke which I was gutted about. I had about 30ish trophies all told and I’ve get maybe 9-10 left.
Strugglingmum
17-12-20, 08:54 PM
I'm sad for you about your trophies.
Enjoy time with your sister tomorrow
Stella180
18-12-20, 02:12 PM
Better than I was when I woke up this morning. Lots of stress and tears earlier but a bit calmer now. Currently sat in a car park by the post office eating fish and chips while waiting for the insurance company to send me the correct email to allow me to post my phone to the relevant company.
Strugglingmum
18-12-20, 02:29 PM
Yum! Love fish and chips. Haven't had them in yonks!
Glad you're eating something.
Stella180
18-12-20, 06:18 PM
Took til 4.30pm to get the email I needed and then I had to take the phone to the Royal Mail delivery office to print the label off. Still it’s on its way to Watford now after coming back to me from Stoke on Trent, which means my phone has travelled further then I have this year. Should get it back in a appropriately a month (think)
I’ve got lots of treats tonight to enjoy while watching the darts. Fruit, salad and popcorn depending on what I fancy. Oh and beer.
Wow, what a well travelled phone!
Enjoy the darts love.
Good, you deserve treats!
Stella180
18-12-20, 10:00 PM
Strawberries and raspberries. I may have accidentally bought Bailey’s extra thick cream to go with it.
Stella180
18-12-20, 10:10 PM
Oh it was amazing. Very luxurious for me.
Love strawberries and raspberries!
How are you today?
Oooh! Slurp!...especially with a tub of clotted cream!
Stella180
19-12-20, 12:46 PM
Only just out of bed. I W as still awake at 3am, couldn’t get off to sleep but once I finally did I slept through. I could happily go back to bed again now but I have lots to do and already wasted half a day. Gonna stick on some tunes and crack on with swapping these units around. I made a start on Thursday but get stressed and left it so my house has been in a state of disarray since then.
Hope it's going well... .
It’s not wasting the day,it’s recovering from a very difficult week....
Stella180
19-12-20, 02:38 PM
My sister is here to “help” and so far she’s taken over Alexa and keeps winding up the dog.
Stella180
19-12-20, 07:49 PM
The old unit is cleared and ready to go. I put an ad on Facebook to see if anyone wants to take it away free of charge. Lots of interest but like anything up for free people will ask about it but not bother. This is why I normally put a small price on stuff to separate the idiots from the serious folk. Still tons of stuff that needs to be sorted out and figure out where I’m going put it but just want this monstrosity out of the way first. It was one of my parents furniture items and something I was reluctant to get rid of previously but it’s definitely time now to stop being sentimental and start being more practical.
I heard earlier about the Christmas lockdown changes and it makes me so angry. When BoJo the clown initially announced the relaxation of rules for Christmas I thought it was a bad idea but he gave hope to so many people and now that has all been taken away from them again which is so cruel. This time of year is tough for so many and the government are messing with their heads even more. It’s a disgrace.
I'm glad you spent some time with your sister.
Lockdown rules changes are here..... We are trying to work everything out now.... :(
Stella180
20-12-20, 07:01 PM
Today has been a write off. Crawled out of bed around 12.30, put together 3 Christmas cards and went back to bed. My sister basically dumped all the stuff from the unit on to my craft table so I need to sort all of that out now and can’t do what I need to do in the meantime.
That's ok, can you try to do bits tomorrow....
Stella180
20-12-20, 09:59 PM
Tomorrow I’m wrapping presents. Need to make a few gift tags and that’s Christmas sorted. I’m sorry peeps but I’ve not managed to get cards and presents out this year to a lot of you but I am thinking of you all this Christmas
Hunni, anyone who doesn't understand that things have been really tough with everything that you've had going on isn't worth your cards at all. You never have to apologise to me and I'm sure I'm not alone. I don't expect cards etc, just knowing that you've got through everything you have this year is more than enough for me.
Totally agree with Suzi. I don’t want or need anything from you except that you’re here, still fighting (panda)
Jaquaia
21-12-20, 08:54 AM
Yep. What they said!
Yes.....absolutely right!
Another who agrees with Suzi hunni x
Stella180
22-12-20, 10:11 AM
I feel like I could cry. Got a message a short while ago to say a Royal Mail delivery was due today. I hadn’t ordered anything other than my printer which is coming via a different courier. On checking my email I find that the repair centre my phone was sent too are returning my phone with a 3rd party screen fitted. This means that certain features will not be available and the cost to repair was less than the cost of my policy and excess. I could’ve done that myself. So I get my phone back which is great but not in the condition I was expecting. I’m just so fed up with having to constantly fight for every little thing in my life. I don’t have the energy for this right now.
That’s disgusting. What do the insurance company say? Can you call them?
Stella180
22-12-20, 10:40 AM
I'm going to email them. Really can't cope with a phone conversation. Oh and my new printer has arrived, just in time for the old one to print off the letters I wrote. AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!
Oh hunni! Surely they can't do that with your phone without your agreement? That's disgusting!
Stella180
22-12-20, 02:19 PM
The cleaners were here earlier and when they emptied the kitchen sink water went everywhere. The waste pipe has popped off flooding the kitchen and ruined everything in the cupboard.
Phone has arrived and has been wiped so have to set that up from scratch again and have lost all of my music and files. Still awaiting a response from the insurer.
Checked my bank account and I have seriously over spent in the past couple of weeks and my savings account is virtually empty. This is a worry because if my PiP claim is stopped after this assessment I've got nothing to fall back on.
Really don't have the mental capacity to deal with any of this today. There have been plenty of tears but little else productive done at all.
Oh no! Not another flooding. What was in the cupboard?
I hope you're complaining to the insurer! This is terrible customer service.
(panda) (bear) (panda) (bear)
Stella180
22-12-20, 03:02 PM
Mostly cleaning stuff but the filters for my water bottle were in there. A load of brand new kitchen rolls have been slung. Waste of time stocking up on them.
Annoying, but nothing major?
Stella180
22-12-20, 08:03 PM
Nah nothing major. It’s sorted now I think. It was just one more thing on an already crappy day.
Stella180
23-12-20, 08:11 PM
I want to take the opportunity to thank the members here for their generosity with gifts and cards and incredible support since my return to this forum. I was unsure if I should come back after the way things ended before but I was welcomed back into the fold with open arms and I realised just how much I loved this place and the people in it. When I feel so lost and alone in my life my friends on this forum have reminded me that I’m not alone and I am a part of the DWD family (even if that is as the weird crazy aunt whose mood and attitude changes with the wind direction), and I honestly cannot thank each and every one of you who have commented with advise and support over the past year. Your kindness has made such a huge difference to me. Some really have gone above and beyond anything I could have asked and a truly appreciate all you’ve done for me.
Pfft, you're well loved and def part of the DWD Family. It's a special thing...
Stella180
23-12-20, 10:44 PM
And I’m all kinds of special lol
Stella180
23-12-20, 11:10 PM
Obviously. That’s why I love you all. Honestly this year has been tough, and I’m not talking COVID and lockdown, but I couldn’t ask for a better bunch of people to have my back and I really am so incredibly grateful.
It's just all about love and understanding...
Stella180
24-12-20, 01:10 AM
It's just all about love and understanding...
As someone who things in song lyrics I now have Cher stuck in my head lol
One of my favourite singers
Strugglingmum
24-12-20, 07:41 AM
As someone who things in song lyrics I now have Cher stuck in my head lol
Thanks......now I do too(rofl)
Morning love, how are you?
Stella180
24-12-20, 09:20 AM
Need to get my stinky self into the shower, well it is Christmas lol. Picking up meds for Talia this worming and going to the watch WW84 this afternoon with a friend I’ve not seen in months and get some cuddles with her assistance dog.
Sounds like a good day planned love.
Ooo enjoy it, we’re having to cancel our date to see it :/
Stella180
24-12-20, 12:13 PM
Oh no! That sucks. Is that cos of tier 4? Can you not get a regular viewing in today?
No, it’s because I’ve been asked to shield again and Si isn’t happy me making ‘unnecessary trips’
Isn't it all a bugger!? We go up to tier 3 on Boxing day.....my boy will be tier 4....daughter tier 4 (Scotland)...Devon 200 yards up the road will stay the same tier 2 as will Dorset (for now anyway)
Stella180
24-12-20, 06:53 PM
We’re staying tier 2.
Paula you really need to sweet talk Si. Really enjoyed it especially the very end. Was a nice touch.
Def not happening now. Even outdoor events are closing in tier 4 so we won’t be seeing it anywhere until things change
We're in tier 4 and have been as soon as it was announced. Everything non essential is meant to be shut... You sound really fed up about not being able to go out again.... Are you OK? Should I be worried about you?
I'm not sure I totally believe you....
Stella180
28-12-20, 01:31 PM
It’s snowing!!! Yay!!! I woke up this morning and everything was white. My mate lasted about 10 mins before heading back to bed. It’s safe to say he’s a little worse for wear today lol. He’s supposed to be at work at 6pm but he’s in no fit state.
Stella180
28-12-20, 01:56 PM
It was fun. Especially his rendition of man I feel like a gay boy. Really funny. Bit gutted with a draw in the footy and never going to play drinking games like that again. It got kinda messy.
You sounded fairly worse for wear when I spoke to you yesterday! lol
Glad you had a good day!
Stella180
28-12-20, 04:33 PM
I was really drunk but we had a good laugh. My mate has been back on the vodka this afternoon. Don’t know how he does it. Was on the booze from 12pm til 2am yesterday. He really is a bad influence.
So, having fun today too?
Stella180
28-12-20, 05:51 PM
Nah I’m just chilling. Just booting him out so he can go to work. I’m done with having company. Need my alone time now.
What does he do for a job? Going in hungover and drunk? oops...
Stella180
28-12-20, 06:21 PM
He works at Wetherspoon’s. Can’t say I approve but he’s a grown man who makes his own choices.
Stella180
28-12-20, 11:58 PM
I was so glad when he left. I could relax again and start getting back to normality.
Stella180
29-12-20, 12:34 PM
Cleaners are here. Didn’t think they would bother with the weather as it is. Just had a fluffy of snowflakes bigger than I’ve ever seen. I’ve been ordered by them not to leave the house. They are very convincing.
How are you feeling? Recovered from having company?
Stella180
29-12-20, 02:39 PM
I’ll be happier when the cleaners are gone. I just wanna be left alone. Just me the dog and the tv remote. Currently lay on the sofa under a blanket and I’m not moving. The cleaner will just have work around me. Put the heating on for them but got the fan on me lol. Yeah I know I’m weird.
How's the rest of the day gone?!
Stella180
29-12-20, 09:35 PM
Ok. Had to remove most of the stuff from my fridge cos the cleaner thinks EVERYTHING lives in the fridge. There was so much crap in there the door wouldn’t shut properly! So I had to remove everything that can happily survive at room temperature, chocolates, Bailey’s, apple pies, mince pies and some of the soft drinks I’d stocked up on cos they didn’t all need to be chilled.
Watched Hook which got me a bit emotional. Talia has been asleep on the sofa and just woke up and started whimpering. She’s not been right since my mate arrived Sunday. He’s not really a dog person and wouldn’t give her attention and just ordered her on to her bed every time she went near him.
I love Hook!
Aww Poor Talia!
Stella180
29-12-20, 10:36 PM
I know, poor baby. She a real attention whore, such a loving pooch. He wasn’t nasty to her but she wasn’t happy being ignored.
Aww, bet she's never been ignored!
Stella180
29-12-20, 11:19 PM
I’ve never witnessed it in the past. She currently lay on my leg, snoring. Need to get her to move for her last wee of the night before bed.
How are you both this morning?
Stella180
30-12-20, 09:51 AM
Ok. She’s currently having lots of cuddles which I think we both need right now.
Good. I'm glad you have each other.
Stella180
30-12-20, 09:12 PM
Oh well Tier 3 here I come as on midnight tonight. It’s not really going to make a huge difference to my life anyway but the constant uncertainty is really damaging to everybody.
We're still in tier 4, still watching the news in Wales. Currently B can't go back to uni until at least the 11th, but he also isn't meant to leave the tier 4 area...
My parents have gone from tier 1 to tier 4 in two weeks..... we’ve been in tier 4 since Boxing Day - tbh, I expected the whole country to be put into tier 4 today
Stella180
30-12-20, 10:14 PM
Nobody knows where they stand from one week to the next. Will they have work or not? Can they see family or not? Are they able to travel? Is it worth booking a summer holiday? So much uncertainty and that is never good for anyone.
I may not be as rigid as some of you regarding the rules. But from the start I have had the same approach, a may be high-risk but not extremely high risk and living alone I have to go out sometimes cos I have no one to do it for me. I still limit my access to other people but for my own sanity I need some company at some point. I know many of you might think having someone in my home is risky but other than my cleaners who are essential to me the only people I have spent time with are my sister and My friend at the weekend. There may be a virus going around but I can’t be completely isolated from the rest of the world indefinitely. Nobody can.
I don't think anyone was judging you for having a friend over.....
Stella180
31-12-20, 11:16 AM
Oh no that’s not what I meant.
That's OK... How are you doing today?
Stella180
31-12-20, 11:26 AM
The usual New Year’s Eve slump. I hate this time of year. Been listening to songs from the movies to try and pick me up.
Stella180
31-12-20, 06:09 PM
Same as for everyone I guess. Reflecting on the year, people we’ve lost, being alone etc. Family and friends (usually) seeing the new year in together and I feel left out.
I'm sorry you feel like that. Is there anyway that you can go to your sisters as part of a support bubble?
Stella180
31-12-20, 06:59 PM
No, that would only make things worse.
How are you feeling this morning?
Stella180
01-01-21, 11:21 AM
Ok I guess. Kinda went on a self destruct mission early hours of this morning. I was unsuccessful in doing something I could hate myself for later.
Stella180
01-01-21, 12:39 PM
Rather not say but I’m ok nothing actually happened.
I’m glad whatever it was didn’t happen
Glad that you looked after yourself...
Stella180
02-01-21, 01:43 PM
Been to Tesco for a few bits and picked up a chicken from the hot deli counter so the pooch and I have demolished that for lunch.
Feeling a bit down at the moment. Been having a few niggles lately especially with neck and shoulder pain. It’s not really bad but it’s been lingering for a while and I’m just fed up with it now. I’ve got a few joint issues with my hands and I’ve been a bit stiff generally but the biggest problem which sounds daft when I say it but the DIP joint on my left index finger is incredibly painful. Being right handed I can get away with it but getting in the car and turning the heated rear screen on I could’ve screamed the pain was so intense just pushing a button.
I know many of you struggle with chronic pain and I feel a bit of a whinger even mentioning it to you guys but it’s just something else to get me down. Loads of little things which on there own are nothing but it all adds up and starts weighing me down. The time of year is hard for me and although the festivities are now over the release of the tension and recovery still takes a bit of time. Hearing everyone going on about thank god 2020 is over and I’m thinking apart from a date change absolutely nothing has changed so what a load of (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)(swear). Covid is still an issue, Brexit is very real and a complete hash up, I still can’t see my kids, still have to wait to hear if my pip award will change or be stopped. Things are just as crap as before and no one waved a magic wand and made everything better at midnight but I so wish they had.
They didn't wave a magic wand anywhere, but things HAVE changed. Your boys know you are fighting for them. Down to your actions M should be getting the help that he needs. You've got cleaners who you are tolerating and working with, you've got options re Aspie, you've started to go to matches and loads of other things...
Yes there are loads of big things, but maybe focus on some of the other things that are positive - you're back here too, that's huge.
Stella180
02-01-21, 11:24 PM
Yeah I’m glad I’m back. You’ve all made a huge difference. Coming up to a year now and I don’t think I’ve been involved in any major drama. That must be some kind of record for me lol. Seriously, I have been trying real hard to prove myself not just to you guys but to myself. I know I can be a bit prickly and when I go off the deep end things get really messy. I don’t mean to be awkward or upset anyone, I just can’t always see what I dick I’m being.
Oh I’m other news the lady who runs Aspie has only gone and found herself on the Queen’s New Year’s Honours List! Really chuffed for her.
That’s awesome news! Congratulations to her :)
I, for one, have always been glad you’re back
That's so cool! Well done to her!!
I, also, am glad you're back ;)
Stella180
03-01-21, 11:27 AM
Currently sat at my craft table which seriously needs organising but don’t have a clue where to start.
Start with putting 1 thing away. Then you've started. Then do the next thing... It's how I'm going to tackle things today with the mindset "as long as it's better than it was..."
Stella180
03-01-21, 12:10 PM
It’s know what to do with it all. I need a plan and work out what lives where. I need to separate the various craft stuff so paracord stuff in one place, card stuff in another etc. I haven’t yet worked out the logistics and I can’t get my head to work on the solution. I know I’m useless, that’s why I have decided to give up and go cry into my pillow instead.
You’re not useless, at all. Maybe today’s not the day to do it all, maybes the day just to do one section?
Stella180
03-01-21, 01:04 PM
I’m just frustrated cos I know the end result I want to achieve I just don’t know how best to get there without making a ton of mess, stressing out over it and getting upset.
You're trying to do it all in one go. That's only going to cause mess/stress/upset. Be kind to you. One bit at a time.
Stella180
03-01-21, 02:55 PM
I’ve decided to do the washing up and book a repair for the washing machine. Got a 10 day wait.
That's a pita having to wait so long!
Stella180
03-01-21, 05:31 PM
I’m really not having a good day. There’s no real reason for it, I’m just finding everything a struggle. Twice I’ve tried to get the washing up done and still forget some stuff. I really need to change my bedding but every time I go up there I just lie on the bed and nothing gets done. I fancied a cooked dinner but it looks like microwave crap or what ever is in the fridge tonight cos I’ve really not got it in me to do much else. Darts world champs final is on later and not even able to get excited about that.
Is there anything that could be triggering this mood?
Stella180
03-01-21, 06:35 PM
Dunno, well there’s tons of rl stuff going on and it does all get me down but some days it’s a case of just getting by. I literally can’t think straight, like there is a mental block, and my brain is is like nope, cannot compute. May as well just bang my head against a brick wall. I’m not doing a very good job of explaining it. I’m totally flat, everything is an effort. I don’t feel bad, i don’t really feel anything unless I try and push myself which leads to frustration and disappointment but doing nothing is a waste.
How about some self care? Maybe that should be what you’re doing right now....
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