Body Dysmorphia Disorder

[shine]

I was wondering if there is anyone on here that has been diagnosed with body Dysmorphia Disorder (BDD) that could help me out. It's something I have often thought about but have never had a diagnosis and I don't feel brave enough to mention this to my Dr or therapist.
I have suffered a bad body image of myself ever since I was bullied in school. I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I have never felt pretty or attractive. I shy from the camera and I do not like looking at pictures of myself.
I can go into more details but before I do I was wondering if there is anyone out there with similar feelings. I feel ashamed bringing this up with anyone and it's hard for me to talk about it but I don't know enough about BDD to suggest if this is something I am suffering with or if I'm just suffering with low self esteem and low worth.

[Suzi]

I don't think we've had anyone with this diagnosed condition before... I can see if I can find you some info on it later - probably be Wednesday at the earliest.

[shine]

Thanks. It was just a thought and I was interested to hear from anyone with a diagnosis or similar feelings. It's something I might bring up when I have a physciatrist appointment which I am on the waiting list.

[Suzi]

Did you want me to see if I can get you any info from some reputable sources?

[shine]

Only if you have time. Thank you. I had a read on the description on the NHS website and it could be I have it but would need to be diagnosed by a physciatrist. The recommended treatments are ads and cbt. I'm on ads but they aren't really helping yet. Still early days since I increased my dosage. And I'm having councelling. I will see if I can bring myself to talk about it in my next session tomorrow. I've always felt very embarrassed talking about my appearance. I have bought up my issue of my jaw misalignment problem in councelling but she told me she can't see it. I have a class 3 malocclusion otherwise known as an underbite. As a teenager I was severely bullied for having a long chin and was called all sorts of names. This always stuck with me and made me angry and upset with my appearance. To top that off I had acne as a teenager but that went. I'm embarrassed of my smile and if I have to be in photos I have worked out a way to smile so you don't see this underbite. It's been destressing me for a long time. I went through a few years when I accepted it and didn't think about it. But the feelings about myself have creeped back that I will be prepared for serious surgery to correct it. As well as appearance it causes me discomfort. I bite my tongue and cheek because my top jaw is too narrow and my back teeth rest on my tongue. I breath through my mouth and struggle to breath through my nose. This could be because of the structural defect. I really hate it so much that its been on my mind since last October when I first saw an orthodontist. I've obsessed about it alot and read up all about the treatment and joined a support group on FB for those with similar.

As well as not liking my facial features I am not happy with my body. I struggle to find clothes to make me feel good. I'm small and all my excess weight is around my middle. I feel out of proportion and I don't like what I see. I'm overweight but it's not helping that I am craving junk and binge eating. I was drinking which didn't help but I've massively reduced that.
I just don't and can't feel good about myself. I don't know how to.

I don't know if all this is due to low self esteem or if I have a genuine problem known as body Dysmorphia and if I need to be finding a way to help myself.
I also get paranoid around people. Constantly thinking that they must be thinking bad about me. I hate the attention on me in group situations or meetings because I don't want people looking at me.

Does any of this make sense

[Suzi]

It makes sense if it's how you are feeling, however I am quite sure that you don't appear the way you are believing to anyone else. I've seen pictures of you and never thought anything about your appearance apart from how lovely you always look!

[Paula]

I know Suzi’s busy today so thought you might like to look at these trustworthy resources

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/body-dysmorphic-disorder-bdd/about-bdd/

http://www.sane.org.uk/uploads/Body_Dysmorphia.pdf

https://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/anxiety-type/body-dysmorphic-disorder/

[shine]

Thank you both. I really appreciate your replies. I'll have a read through the pages later Paula. Thanks

[shine]

I've had a read through the links Paula posted. Obviously I can't diagnose myself but it's something I need to bring up with my Dr or wait for physciatrist appointment.
I do think I have suffered with an element of this for years. I have never liked my appearance. In primary school I had a nickname of the monster character on Saturday morning TV. I hated this and all my parents would say is 'ignore them' or 'sticks and stones will break your bones but names will never harm you'. So when I was tormented with name calling of 'chinny, brucy, Jimmy hill, Chinny hill' followed by people shouted phases at me like 'nice to see you to see you nice with the Bruce pose, or asking me about football etc' I couldn't bring myself to talk about this to my parents. Because there reaction to the bullying in primary school was just to ignore. I tell you I tried so hard to ignore but when growing up as a teenager and constantly every day being called names how could I ignore and not start to hate myself. I use to wish as a teenager I could have cosmetic surgery because I believed myself to be so ugly. By having an underbite I am reminded of this torment. Every time I brush my teeth or look in the mirror I just can't stand the image looking back and often wonder how it would be if it was different. I could never get a boyfriend in my teenage life and I believed I was not attractive. I still question my dh because I could never believe anyone could love me. This has been a really painful part of my life and something I find extremely painful to talk about because I have to live with this every day. I am even holding back tears now because I need to go downstairs and face my kids. I tell them often how beautiful they are. I want them to grow up to love themselves. I don't ever remember being told this growing up. I feel wrong bringing this up.
But it's something I need to face because I know I can't keep going on torturing myself.

[Suzi]

Why do you feel wrong bringing it up?

[shine]

Because I feel wrong for thinking like this. I know it's wrong to think so badly of myself. But I can't help it. And now I've been obsessing over it ever since I found out I can have surgery to correct this defect. I've read up loads about it and have my appointment next week

[Suzi]

It's not a defect at all. Hunni I promise you I've never noticed it in any of the pics I've seen of you - but that doesn't change the way you perceive it though... It's not wrong to think how you are, it's good that you are talking and getting it out of your head.
When is your appointment? Can your lovely husband go with you?

[shine]

Thank you. I have an appointment with the orthodontist next Friday. I don't think I'm allowed to take anyone with

[Suzi]

Call them, explain about your anxiety and how panicked you are getting atm... Marc was able to come with me for my latest appointment.

[Paula]

I think it’s amazing how you’re facing this - you’re awesome

[shine]

That's a great idea Suzi. Hope your appointment went well.
Thanks Paula

[Suzi]

Have you managed to call and explain?

[shine]

No. No time today. This appointment isn't till next week so I have time.

[Suzi]

Fair enough.