When is it gonna be my turn?

[Paula]

From what you’ve said, they’re doing ok, love

[Suzi]

They both sound as if they're doing OK love...

[Stella180]

Maybe but it is the furthest I ever imagined for what I wanted for them.

[Suzi]

That may be true, but don't let the past screw up the potentials of the future..

[Stella180]

Woohoo! My new guitar strap has arrived! Lol

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B07KS3FKRR/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_xFk9EbYFT7RZZ

[Suzi]

That's really cool!

[Stella180]

Haha, I thought it was it cool. Still waiting on ASDA to arrive. Was supposed to be here between 11-1pm.

[Stella180]

Checked the website and apparently my order has been delivered. Dunno where it’s been delivered but it was to my door! Grrr. This is the final straw, I’ve had nothing but trouble from them so I spoke to Tesco and made sure I’m set up for priority slots and gonna use them from now on. It’s just so bloody inconvenient cos now I have no food in the house and have to wait for a slot to come free with Tesco. Looks like I’m having takeaway tonight

[Paula]

Have you found it?? Definitely time to put them in your rear view mirror!

[Suzi]

So where is it? I assume you've complained? (Not that they cared much when we complained)....

[Stella180]

Nope, dunno where the order is but it was logged as delivered at 1.15pm. Seriously annoyed. This is going to sound mad but I know you get it now.
I’m trying to order via the Tesco app and it’s not happening. The app is working fine but I’m not. The layout is different, products are different, I can’t rely on my favourites list to reorder my usual stuff and I am getting so stressed out I almost feel like crying. I hate that these things are so hard for me even though I now understand why. I just want some bloody groceries!

[Suzi]

Stop and breathe. It's going to be hard because it's different and because you're f*cking angry (and rightly so) with Asda. Give yourself 5 mins, walk away and then come back to it...

[Stella180]

I’ve managed to put an order together for click and collect on Saturday night. I still have the strange knotted feeling inside. I’ve never really been able to share how I feel when change occurs. The physical feelings as well as the emotional ones. It’s hard when things that most people consider trivial feel like a major crisis to me and then on the other hand the things where people expect me to struggle I’m absolutely fine. It doesn’t make sense.

I remember many years ago having a row with my partner at the time because he used the wrong coloured pen when signing a cheque. It was such a huge deal for me and he, rightful I suppose, pointed out that it made no difference but for me wasn’t right and I got really upset over it. Another occasion where I over reacted to something of nothing. It’s why I rarely ask for help with stuff cos when they don’t do it right I get worked up and if I tell them I look ungrateful so I wait til they’re gone and redo it myself which defeated the object of getting help in the first place.

I get upset with myself whenever I get my haircut because it’s never exactly what I want but I don’t know how to tell them what I do want and people are rarely able to read minds. Tonight there was a post in a group about what items of clothing make you feel sexy? I’ve no idea what sexy feels like let alone how to dress for it. Clothes serve a purpose and all I hate clothes shopping. All I want is practical and comfortable. That’s it. Dressing up doesn’t make my feel good, it makes me feel uncomfortable.

It’s really hard embracing who I am when I don’t fit with the expectation of society. I’m different and I’m fine with that but that isn’t always a good thing. I’m often missing out or stuff because it’s awkward for me so I make some excuse or avoid certain activities or places. I miss out on so much due to small things. Of course now I understand what is behind a lot of these issues but it doesn’t really help. It just makes me sad. There are so many little things in my life that influence the big things and I have so many barrier, some I’ve built myself but others have just always been there. I guess this is one of the bumps in the road of self reflection and getting to know myself, seeing myself through a different lens. All of these thoughts because I needed to place an order for delivery from a different store.

[Paula]

Like so many things in life, it’s not clothes that give you self worth (in whatever form that takes). It’s the confidence to be yourself, and ignore what society thinks or expects. And that applies to everything in our lives, as long as we’re kind and respectful with it

[Stella180]

And yet still people get dressed up and put make up on or get their hair done so it is obviously important. For me I look at things like school proms and just the thought about that scares me and I’m so glad we didn’t have things like that when we were at school. Anything that requires formalwear or any form of specific dress code makes me uncomfortable so for example I mate be really into playing tennis but at the end of season the local club has a formal dinner as a celebration and awards night. That one night of social expectation would be enough to stop me from joining the club and enjoying the sport. It might seem out of proportion but that’s how it is for me. Weddings are hell. The service is fine but the rituals that follow not so much, catching the bouquet, err no thanks not getting involved in that. The greetings between the couple and family with guests at the wedding breakfast makes me cringe, and then sitting on a table eating with strangers not good. If I can avoid weddings I will. Award giving me, collecting a certificate in front of an audience and the obligatory handshake and fake smile for the camera. I hate it all.

[Jaquaia]

I promise that you don't have to wear a dress when I get married, or sit on a table with strangers. Though depends what you class as strange... Suzi and Paula could be classed as very strange!

[Stella180]

It feels good sharing these things here. All the hidden things that stress me out and I felt embarrassed about. I’ll most definitely come to your wedding Jaq cos you’re going down the a different path and it sounds fab. Plus you’re freaking awesome and I’d endure any amount of discomfort to be there for you on your big day.

[Suzi]

Awww.. I think you're awesome.

[Stella180]

Well that was amusing. Just had a guy offer to give a quote on cleaning my guttering out. After telling me it would be £400 and Includes using special cement on roof tiles and a special coating on guttering which comes with a 10 yr guarantee then says if I need a recommendation to speak to a neighbour in the street that they “have done a lot of work for”. Hmmmm. A service with a 10 yr guarantee but includes plenty of repeat business? Even with a £100 discount I think I’ll pass on that one. Dude really needs to brush up on his salesman skills.

[Paula]

£400 for clearing guttering????

[Stella180]

Yeah I know. Needless to say I sent him on his way.

[Suzi]

Wow, that's not a lot of money at all!

[Stella180]

The price wasn’t the part I found funny it was the 10 yr guarantee but still getting repeat business. Some jokers around.

[Suzi]

Some people just aren't meant to be salespeople....

[Stella180]

Small win for today. Ordered a selection of new bras to try and of the 3 ordered only one I felt comfortable in (as comfortable as you can be anyway. When I checked it turned out to be the cheapest one so I’m happy.

[Suzi]

YAY! I always love it when that happens!

[Paula]

Oh don’t! I’m currently mid sizes and nothing fits!

[Stella180]

Nothing worse. I want to get some new pyjamas but because there is a 2 size difference between top and bottom I have a nightmare. I’ve always been top heavy even as a kid with broad shoulders. Another reason why I hate buying clothes.

[Suzi]

I use simplybe because I can buy separates in different sizes...

[Stella180]

George at Asda used to do mix and match PJs so I could get difference sizes which is where all my current PJs came from.

I’ve just put clothes on to go to the shop and instantly it’s too hot. I’ll be stripping back down to my undies when I come back lol

[Suzi]

Awesome! Don't blame you! It's far too hot!

[Stella180]

Oh gees I feel rough. Suddenly come down with abdominal pain. Feckin IBS no doubt. I’m such a baby when it comes to pain. I just wanna curl up and cry.

[Paula]

How are you doing? And it’s ok to cry....,

[Stella180]

Not great at all. It probably gonna be a long night. :(

[Paula]

Any better?

[Suzi]

Oh love! (panda)(bear) IBS is horrid! Do you know whether it was triggered by something you ate/drank or stress or just because it fancied it?

[Stella180]

Probably the latter. Still painful now. IBS-D is annoying but I’m used to that now but IBS-C is a nightmare. The pain is awful, I can’t even roll over in bed and in extreme cases I can barely stand upright or move at all. It sucks big time. On a scale of 10 (10 being the worst) I’m at a 8.

[Suzi]

Can you take anything to help with it? Anything to help the pain?

[Paula]

(panda)

[Stella180]

I have talked some cocodamol but it hasn’t really helped. Today is definitely a day of doing bugger all.

[Suzi]

(panda) (bear)

[Stella180]

Pain has reduced to a much easy 4 so all good here. I now have a fridge full on food which is a relief. Just need to place an order ready delivery next week.

[Paula]

Phew, try to take it easy today, please?

[Suzi]

Are you going to take it easy?

[Stella180]

I am so far today. Talia decided to wake me up at 5.30am because she wanted cuddles and was too lazy to climb up on the bed herself. Steak for dinner today with summer berries and Cornish ice cream for dessert. Something to look forward too. I was gonna start sanding down the bedside cabinets I bought ready to be painted but so many other more important things to be done first.

[Suzi]

What kind of things are you going to do instead? Are you going to pace it?

[Paula]

Taking care of you is the most important thing

[Stella180]

There is tons of stuff around the house that needs to be done.

[Paula]

What harm is leaving it tomorrow really going to do? You were ill yesterday and need to rest

[Suzi]

As Paula says, why push yourself too much? You've been in pain for a few days, rest, let your body recover and resettle.

[Stella180]

Nah it’s fine. I’m coming to the back end of it now, pun intended. I’m not doing anything huge, just cleaning up after the birds, sorted my meds out for the month, took some rubbish out and doing some washing up. Still in a bit of pain but nothing compared to Friday night. I’m usually ok after 48/72 hrs, a bit of light duties won’t kill me.

[Suzi]

You still in pain? Do you need to take something or go and see someone?

[Stella180]

Nah this is normal. I have Fybogel but I hate taking it.

[Suzi]

I understand why, it's horrible!

[Stella180]

You know when things are really bad cos I will take it. It’s so horrid I would rather suffer most of the time than pour that stuff down my neck.

[Suzi]

Sometimes it's best just to take the yukky meds though....

[Stella180]

Gardeners have been this morning and I think I’m going to have to find someone else to do the job. I’m having to pay, 2 people for an hours work and I don’t seem to be getting value for money. Or maybe I’m just having one of those days where everything is a disappointment. I don’t know. I just wanna go and hide under the duvet for the rest of the day.

[Suzi]

Are they not working hard enough?

[Stella180]

I dunno. I’m not sure some jobs can properly be finished in an hour even with two people doing it and them I have to wait another fortnight for them to come back again. This morning they have cut back 2 bushes and cut the grass front and back. The hedge at the front got left so it with be a month between it being done. Previously I’ve had one guy for 2 hrs and it’s all sorted. They put some paving stabs down last time and they aren’t in the right place and didn’t recess them, just dumped them on top of the grass. Placing 3 slabs on the ground meant they couldn’t cut the grass out the back so that was looking a mess.

[Paula]

That does not sound good....

[Suzi]

I agree! Is there an agricultural college or something near you who might have students who need a bit of real life experience?

[Stella180]

I’ve tried that before but didn’t get far and now isn’t an ideal time to do anything. I wanna start getting some proper work done on making the garden a place I can start enjoying rather than just one more part of my property that needs taming.

[Suzi]

I know love, have you thought about asking on a local fb group?

[Stella180]

A mate has recommended someone so I’ll give them a shout tomorrow. See how it goes.

[Suzi]

Awesome!

[Stella180]

So today I’ve achieved bugger all. Well I managed to have a long overdue shower this morning and throw on some cheap clothes but that’s it. Indecisiveness has crippled me. Couldn’t decide what to do and as a result I’ve done nothing. I thought about driving over to either Subway or KFC for lunch and I’m still haven’t eaten and am just lay on the bed with a rumbling tummy. Feeling pretty useless right now.

In other news I got a nice surprise in the post that made me smile. Some people have a natural ability to make you smile.

[Suzi]

Glad I made you smile!
Go, get food ;)

[Stella180]

Dunno what I want.

[Stella180]

Popped to Home Bargains to get toilet rolls and cane out with steak, mushrooms and pre packed salad. OMG it was amazing and it really hit the spot.

[Paula]

Yum, I had a weightwatchers ready meal ...

[Stella180]

Broadband is down. After 35 mins on the phone to Sky the earliest they can send an engineer is 13th July. Not a happy bunny when all of my entertainment and support is pretty much online I’m screwed and not got massive amounts of mobile data. I guess I’ll see you when I see you :(

[Suzi]

Oh no! Hopefully it's quickly and easily sorted for you love.

[Paula]

Can you up your mobile data?

[Stella180]

Panic over. Considering they insisted the problem was at my end and needed an engineer, miraculously over night it fixed itself while I was sleeping. Phew, my life would be over without broadband. My life is online.

[Suzi]

I'm glad it's fixed!

[Stella180]

Managed to take SuperPup far a bit of a wander over the fields earlier. To was full of energy and really excitable. I took her ball launcher with us and she managed to demolish a brand new tennis ball in less than 15 mins. Still didn’t stop her wanting to play. My back was screaming at me all the way home and barely made it to my front door. Both of us are pooped now so we’re having a lie down and chill out.

[Suzi]

Be careful with your back, but it's great you both got out and she had such fun!

[Stella180]

Kinda neglected this thread for a while. Today I forgot the word door. Didn’t matter how many hand gestures I offered the poor lad was none the wiser about the I was on about. Was kinda embarrassing.

A couple of the guys from Aspie have tried to get me to go back but I’m really not ready for it yet. I do miss the people there and I will go back eventually but I need to build my social activity up slowly. A lot has changed since before lockdown and I don’t know quite how to explain it but I need to try and get my head around a few things first.

I’ve made a decision to go out with Talia through the woods tomorrow. It’s been a while since we went over there and she always loves it. I’ve become far too lazy lately and I need to change that. Now I’ve got my back bedroom tidied up I might even drag the rowing machine out and start using that regularly. Exercise is supposed to lift your mood, even if it is short lived but I have to do something to shift this lockdown weight.

[Paula]

When the lad hits your advanced years, he’ll understand (giggle)

[Suzi]

I forget words, trains of thoughts, sentences everything all the time...

[Stella180]

It was mental. I was trying to explain where I wanted the outside tap to go. The rear access is fully enclosed and wanted it in there so random people couldn’t just wander up the side of the house and fill up as they like. Yep there are some cheeky buggers out there. So I told him I wanted it behind the thing. The brown thing. The ermmm, you know the errr wotsit so people can’t get in, while gesturing the action of how to open and close a door. This kinda thing happens a lot where I forgets words I want to use but I can normally work around it by changing the way I say something but on this occasion I was completely stumped.

[Jaquaia]

I always forget words, I use thingy and doodah more times thT I'd like!

[Stella180]

I have achieved absolutely nothing today and the reason for it? It’s raining outside. The things I need to do aren’t even outdoor jobs but non the less rain stops play. Am I weird? Actually don’t answer that, I already know the answer.

[Paula]

All I want to do is curl up in a ball with chocolate and a book, so I get it

[Stella180]

I bought chocolate the other day. I don’t normally bother but every now and again I feel the urge.

[Stella180]

I’ve just set foot in my living room for the first time today. Yep, it really has been one of those days. Tonight is definitely a beer and Netflix kinda night. Currently working on some weird concoction for dinner which involves chicken and pasta and while that is cooking I’m hitting the local shop to select my beverage of the evening.

[Suzi]

I'm glad you're eating! Are you going to pace tomorrow?

[Stella180]

I’ve done bugger all today. I just heard from a mate who lost his mum and he’s coming over for a few drinks and a chat tomorrow so looks like my beer drinking is on hold.

[Suzi]

That could be a tough day love... Can you put some serious self care in place tonight?

[Stella180]

I’ll be fine. There will be beer involved. I just need to be tough around boundaries, that is the hard part. I might need to call in backup for that.

[Paula]

We’re here, love

[Stella180]

Safe to say I won’t be calling you Boss Lady cos you are under orders tomorrow that put YOU first not the forum and it’s members. Promise me you will put yourself first?

[Suzi]

Gorgeous lady, hope today is going ok for you x

[Stella180]

Subway. Why is it when I have a sandwich from there I still feel I could eat more after a 6in but if I order a footling literally a mouthful into the second half and I’m stuffed. Anyway I’m fed, watered, medicated and getting puppy cuddles while watching wheeler dealers. Watching shows like that makes me miss the days of working in the motor trade, and being part of the classic car community.

[Flo]

I should imagine lots of women want to eat after a 6 incher!!:P
It's like when you have a chinese and you're hungry an hour later! But you don't see many fat chinese people do you?
Ian loves wheeler dealers but now that Ed has gone he can't get used to the new guy! Ian maintains that the new guy hasn't got that charisma that Ed had.

[Stella180]

I agree, Lanky Ed China was ace. He explained things in a more simplistic way, a bit too simple for my liking but for the majority of people it allowed them to understand things better. The new guy skirts over things but looks like he has some skills.

[Paula]

Charismatic???? He’s the most boring person on the planet!

[Stella180]

Which tells you how good the new guy is when he’s charisma is lacking compared to Ed

[Suzi]

(rofl)(rofl)(rofl)

[Flo]

(rofl)(rofl)

[Suzi]

Morning love, how are you today?

[Stella180]

Fed up! Might just go back to bed. The cleaners didn’t put the Dyson back together properly and when emptying it Good job it wasn’t completely full cos the contents have just ended up all over my floor. This is a two pronged problem. I have to clean up the mess and my chest is now playing up as a result.

[Paula]

Hunni, I really think you need to fire them - there’s been so many issues.....

[Suzi]

I think you need to give them a list of what they can and can't do and what needs to happen....

[Paula]

Lol, which shows Suzi has a lot more patience than me ;)

[Suzi]

(rofl) I don't think anyone's ever said that I have more patience than anyone else before! (rofl)

[Stella180]

This week things seem a bit better. I just need to do my bit and work through some of the drawers to get things organised.

[Suzi]

Good for you!

[Stella180]

It’s that time of year again. Where kids are lined up for the first day at school pics. I hate it. I hate not being able to share in these proud parents moments :(

[Suzi]

I'm sorry lovely...

[Stella180]

I was expecting the window cleaner today but it has rained all day. Anyway a little earlier I this text saying
“Hi this is Paul window cleaner due to weather we moved windows thank you”. I’ve spent the past two hours trying to find an appropriate response lol

[Suzi]

(rofl) (rofl) (rofl) I wonder where they've put them?!

[Stella180]

Well they were right where I left them when I get home so not sure what’s going on lol

[Suzi]

Well who's windows have they moved then?

[Stella180]

I really don’t know. I’ve asked for help translating this cryptic grammar free message and no one is exactly sure. Is it missing the word appointment as well as punctuation? Is it a window of time? I wasn’t sure what to except when I get home but all windows appeared to be exactly where I left them which I’m grateful for from both a security standpoint and to keep out the rain.

[Paula]

(rofl)

[Suzi]

Morning hunni, how are you doing?

[Stella180]

Having a lazy morning snuggling with Talia.

[Suzi]

Sounds fun!
How are the birds doing?

[Stella180]

Oh they are a pita! They’ve been fighting lately so lost of noise feathers and mess. They are actually sat nicely together at the moment but that could change at any moment.

[Suzi]

Lol!

How's your day been?

[Stella180]

Erm, ok I guess. I’m still waiting to here about this boiler grant. They say no news is good news so I suppose the positive is that they haven’t said no yet. I admit I am kinda anxious cos I have a lot of uncertainty at the moment.

[Suzi]

You really do and I think anyone would be finding it tough. One thing at a time lovely..

[Stella180]

Yeah I get the grant. Why did they have to let me know on a Friday? Now I can’t book anything til next week. Grrr. Oh well. I treated myself to a Ring doorbell today, for the right price of course. I do love my gadgets. I’m also contemplating a new sofa, sideboard and bookcase in the future but need to get the living room decorated first cos it’s a total mess. Need to have a bring a paintbrush party I think for that job.

See Suzi, I’m thinking about my house and tarting it up and maybe I can start to love it a little more. Non of these plans are going to happen over night but at least I’m thinking about it.

[Suzi]

I'm proud of you for thinking about it!

[Stella180]

I noticed my microwave has started to rust so have ordered a new one. I can’t complain really cos the old one was 6 yrs old and a cheap one my sister bought as a housewarming gift. I’m really splashing the cash today lol

[Suzi]

Go you! :)

[Flo]

Don't blame you having a bit of a splash...can't take it with us can we?....a girl after my own heart!

[Stella180]

I ain’t got much to take when I go anyway so not something I need to worry about. The window cleaner is coming today at some point. I wonder where he’ll move my windows to today?

[Suzi]

(rofl) I'm still waiting to find out where he moved them to last time!

[Stella180]

So I did a thing today. I filled up the car with fuel for only the second time since I went to Hull in February. That’s not the thing but it had to be done to go give blood. I got there only to realise I was 2 days early. Dog! That’s not the thing either. Oh the way home I took a detour and found myself on the car park of the local carvery place. The idea was to order a takeaway on the app but I decided to be brave and go in to eat. First time of eaten out in 6 months!

[Strugglingmum]

Well done. Sounds fab. I love a good carvery!!
You were really brave..... and hopefully well fed(clap)

[Suzi]

Well done lovely! Hope it was nice!

[Stella180]

Very well fed thanks. I used to eat out a lot pre Covid and that was the hardest part of lockdown initially for me. I’m still not a fan of the track and trace but it was good to enjoy a good meal without the cooking or washing up

[Suzi]

Sounds lovely! :)

[Flo]

I don't blame you....it's lovely not to have to do washing up.

[Stella180]

New microwave is set up, doorbell is set up and on charge. Happy to have had new toys to play with but feeling a bit flat again now. Got a call from a guy at BG who is making plans to get an engineer out to install the new boiler hopefully on Wednesday but needs to confirm first. So tomorrow I have the cleaners coming then later giving blood, and have to get Talia to the vet on Wednesday afternoon too so it’s gonna be hectic.

[Strugglingmum]

It's all moving. Scary but one thing at a time. You'll get there

[Suzi]

SM is right, you've got this! Hooray for hot water!!

[Flo]

You've got a lot going on but it's all GOOD! Bet you can't wait for your boiler...we were without last year for nearly 10 days and it's no joke!

[Stella180]

In total it’s been a month without hot water. I can’t wait to get it sorted. Then I can get the other guy back to sort out the tap and dishwasher.

[Suzi]

It'll be great!

[Stella180]

Lots of new stuff but is it really bringing me pleasure? No. And while I’ve been lounging around all afternoon I forgot to go collect my groceries today :( There’s too much going on and I can’t keep up and on top of that I’m feeling a bit lonely.

As much as I like my life of solitude I’m not feeling so great and would love to just have someone to talk to. To thing Friday I was elated to have gotten the grant and just a couple of days later I’m back down to Earth with a bump. I’ve not eaten properly today which probably hasn’t helped and I was kinda hoping my spending spree would pick me up but it’s all short lived. Had a reminder for my car tax today. Thankfully that’s only £30 for the year so I can live with that bill.

[Strugglingmum]

Thing is, noone lives on the mountain top all the time. That's not realistic for anyone never mind someone who suffers with depression.
Loneliness is a real problem however. Have you been in touch with the Aspies guys? What about trying to pick one person each day to phone and talk to? Your plans for a decorating party sound great. How about working towards it by having just a couple of people in for a takeaway or something each weekend.
Depression will tell you that noone wants to be bothered with you or spend time with you but in reality someone will be delighted to hear from you. Reaching out is really difficult for most people and sometimes it doesn't meet our expectations but it's worth the risk.

[Suzi]

When did you last eat properly - I don't mean just eating food, but thinking about nutritional value too? What about drinking?
SM is right, what about meeting up with friends etc? Aspies footy?

[Stella180]

If it is confirmed for the boiler appointment Wednesday Aspie is out. I have promised myself I’ll go on Saturday.

[Stella180]

Can’t remember what time the cleaners are in today. Don’t really care. Feeling crappy and not up to human interaction today.

[Flo]

Maybe it's a 12 bore job with the cleaners when they ring the doorbell. But I know what you mean....when you're feeling a bit rubbish it's difficult to raise the enthusiasm to see people isn't it? I think I've had all of 4 hours sleep last night and I feel like a wrung out dish rag! Looks like tv is on the menu!....I shall go and make a cuppa. I hope you feel better later.(bear)

[Suzi]

(bear) (bear) Can you pace today?

[Stella180]

I’m hibernating at the moment. Have called the vet to have Talia’s ready for collection tomorrow and I then I’m giving blood just after 5. With all the strict criteria around donating at the moment I’m not sure I really wanna do it but it’s not about me. Once that’s over it’s a takeaway and and The Boys S2 cos I’ve still not got around to watching it since in dropped on Friday.

[Suzi]

You're awesome for donating blood - don't tell me you aren't, because I can't so I think that anyone who can and does are amazing.

[Stella180]

I try to do my bit seeing as I have special blood. It would be selfish to keep it all to myself when so many newborns need it more that I do.

[Suzi]

You are amazing.

[Stella180]

I’ve treated myself to KFC for dinner and decided to watch the football armed with a couple of bottles of Supermalt instead of beer. Didn’t get the confirmation call about the boiler install tomorrow so don’t know if it is going ahead. So frustrating that it’s taking so long to organise

[Suzi]

That is frustrating....

[Strugglingmum]

Yum. My son works in KFC, do love it!!
So annoying that they haven't confirmed with you. I hate being left up in the air not knowing what's going on.

[Stella180]

I need to go to screwfix in the morning. I ordered the wrong sized pattress boxes. Serves me right for not reading the description properly. I will get these new sockets installed eventually.

[Flo]

I try to do my bit seeing as I have special blood. It would be selfish to keep it all to myself when so many newborns need it more that I do.I used to give blood..RhO Neg.....but I'm too old now. The kids do though. How annoying the boiler installer hasn't confirmed. It makes it so difficult to organise anything else!

[Suzi]

Morning love, how are you today?

[Stella180]

Stressed!

[Flo]

Stressed!

(bear)(bear)

[Suzi]

Any news on the boiler?

[Stella180]

A 10 minute job turned into almost 2 hours and it’s still not right but I really can’t be bothered to mess around with it any longer. I’ve got another 2 gang socket to fit on the landing but I really cba right now. Drill isn’t charging properly, wire strippers are knackered, Headlamp doesn’t work and I’m fed up.

Having a lie down now to try and build up the mental and physical strength to go drop off my PiP forms. Still not heard back from the GP surgery about my records.

[Suzi]

Can you call your GP about the records? Are you able to pace in between errands?

[Stella180]

I called them and they said that I need to complete a form. The same form a completed last week in the surgery and handed in straight away but for some reason hasn’t ended up where it needs to be. I’m now waiting for a callback from the surgery in the hope I can get something sorted in time but it’s not looking good.

[Suzi]

Oh that's really frustrating!

[Stella180]

Talia has been jabbed, and has some new treats for being a good girl. She now has a squeaky cheese burger and some cheese flavoured doggy popcorn. Paperwork is with DIAL ready for the call in the morning. The 2 gang socket is on the living room wall without me blowing anything up and it’s fully operational. Just need to do the one on the landing and then the box room once I’ve got the cable and easy access in the room. Definitely a job for another day. I should really head down to the football later but I’m done for today.

Got confirmation this morning that my boiler will be delivered between 7-10am and the engineer will be here around 8am and should be finished by 4pm. Hallelujah!

Oooh another win courtesy of BG. Just received an email with a promo code for a free Amazon Echo so I’ve placed my order and that will be with me tomorrow as well. Bonus.

[Suzi]

OO awesome! :)

[Flo]

All systems go kid!!!(y)

[Stella180]

Paul, my lovely boiler engineer arrived around 8.15 and the new boiler has just been delivered so we’re all systems go! Just about to call DIAL to go through PiP paperwork as best we can without the records from my GP :(

[Suzi]

YAY Happy boiler day!

Hope it goes well with DIAL lovely.

[Stella180]

1hr 7 mins later and we’ve done pretty much all we can do. She’s posting the form back to me to fill in the rest. The surgery have missed the point of me requesting my records stating I don’t need them as DWP will contact them for any Additional information. I need them to remind myself of any changes, treatments and dates in order to complete the form in the first bloody place!!! Grrrr, why does it have to be so difficult?

[Strugglingmum]

Deep breath!!

[Suzi]

You don't have to be accurate, you can put vague years - or go through your posts here - they might have the dates and things on there...

[Stella180]

It just annoyed me. It’s not the first time the GP surgery have refused to help or misinterpreted my requirements. As the woman from DIAL pointed out I am well within my rights to access my own person information for any purpose I chose and they have no right to stop me.

[Suzi]

Oh I know, mine are the same....

[Strugglingmum]

Is the new boiler all finished? Have you hot water???

[Stella180]

It’s all finished and shiny new. Not turned a tap on yet, I’m a bit scared. Silly I know but if anything was wrong I don’t think I could handle it, not saying the bloke hasn’t done a proper job and would’ve tested it all before leaving and I know it’s irrational but it’s scary. Hive controls and Echo dot all set up. I really need to have a soak in the bath cos 1. I stink and 2. I’ve waited long enough for that treat, just trying to pluck up the courage to go run it.

[Strugglingmum]

Go do it!!! You'll love it..

[Stella180]

I’ve bit the bullet and all is good in the world. Currently relaxing in the tub surrounded by bubbles and listening to some tunes.

[Jaquaia]

Just remember... no photos this time! Your taps are really shiny!!! (giggle)

[Stella180]

I’d reserved a really special one just for you bloke cos I know likes a cheeky look ;)

[Strugglingmum]

Sounds bliss

[Suzi]

Woohoo!! So glad for you love!

[Flo]

Yayyyy! 3 cheers for hot water!!!

[Suzi]

How are you today?

[Stella180]

Taken a while to get going. I really need to sort out the cables behind the tv cos with extra gadgets I need make room for all the plugs and prioritise which units for used and which don’t. It’s a job I know has to be done but I really don’t want to do it.

[Strugglingmum]

Once you get started you'll be ok

[Stella180]

Yep starting is always the hardest part of any job lately

[Suzi]

Marc's been meaning to do the same job here for over a year......

[Stella180]

I did it! Only took me 2 days to build myself up to do it. I’m now left with cables and adapters all over the floor that need putting away so need to think if they’re better used elsewhere first. Brains not fully functional this morning.

I’m in that awkward situation where I’m hungry and feeling a bit nauseous too. Eating could go either way and another decision to make. I want to go back to bed.

[Suzi]

Woohooo! Well done for doing it!
Eat something light and gentle love..

[Stella180]

Cleaning day tomorrow. Not looking forward to that. The place isn’t too bad actually but I’ll probably just hibernate while they’re here.

[Suzi]

Have you spoken to them yet about what they are to do and not to do etc?

[Stella180]

I’ve not done anything I was supposed to be doing today but I did pop in to Wickes to get some wood for the frame of Talia’s feeding station. Not sure if I bought too much or not enough cos I keep changing my mind as to the best way to do it. Definitely need to get the car emptied out now so I can pick up the sheets of MDF (or hardboard) and then the fun part. Searching online for some Fablon to make it look pretty. Might just skip straight to the window shopping and get a head start lol

[Paula]

Ooooooo can I make some suggestions? (giggle)

[Stella180]

Go ahead mate. I’m not exactly known for my colour coordination

[Suzi]

OOO What kind of feeding station are you making?

[Stella180]

Nothing fancy, just something to raise the bowls off the floor. Apparently it’s better for digestion and easier for older dogs too. It’s basically a box with the bowls counter sunk. I was thinking about adding a storage drawer or hinge the lid to sore food but I think I’ll just keep it simple like this

https://images.app.goo.gl/J9sRjvxr1s8y5HaB9

[Paula]

Fablon do a pattern called oriental blossom - with yellow and white flowers but classy, cos it’s oriental ;). But it’s mostly black, so practical and pretty :)

Or they do another one called Sweets. Which is literally a Woolworths pick n mix on vinyl!

[Stella180]

Pick n mix? Talia will wanna eat the feeding station if I put that on lol

[Suzi]

OO that looks like the kind of thing Marc was talking about building a while ago for Casey... Where's it going?

[Stella180]

In the kitchen under the counter.

[Flo]

I had one for Penny the greyhound....they have long necks and stooping to the floor can be a strain. Most big dogs find feeding stations like that really good. You're really good at electrics and 'making' aren't you stella? You're a clever old thing!! DIY in my book means Destroy it Yourself!(giggle)

[Stella180]

There is a similar type of thing to what I’m building on eBay for £53! I can make one for about £15/20 depending on which materials I use and I get to feel the accomplishment of building it myself

[Suzi]

Good for you! That's brilliant!

[Stella180]

Don’t know what hit me this morning but I had a sudden burst of energy and managed to sort my meds, clean the coffee table off, sort recycling and general waste, put away away a load of shopping stuff that was lying around and cook and eat a roast dinner! I genuinely can’t remember the last time I felt this motivated. There is a ton of other stuff that needs doing but I’ve got a mate coming over in a bit to watch the footy. Yes that’s right, not only have I been productive but I’m also doing the social thing and invited someone into my home!!! I had planned for an early night last night but was still wide awake at 3am. Sleep pattern has been all over the place this past week so hoping I can get back on track again soon.

[Suzi]

Woohoo! That's all so brilliant!

[Stella180]

Yep that’s exactly how I felt. It’s so good to feel “normal”. To be able to get stuff done is such a big deal. Seriously it has been soooooo long since I was able to function like a regular adult. It’s easy to blame my lethargy on depression, or my obvious lack of Executive Function for my adulting fails but it’s not until days like this that makes me realise just how much of a struggle life is generally. I find it hard to accept that I find regular life expectations difficult. I mean I am fully aware that I find it hard but accepting my failures is something else and I’ve always fought hard to just achieve the things that everyone else takes for granted.
myself.

[Paula]

How are you this morning?

[Stella180]

Tired. my mate ended up staying over last night.

[Suzi]

WOW! So much social! All good I hope?

[Stella180]

Yeah, there was a lot of football, and a lot of beer. He’s still comatosed upstairs while I’m sat eating cold pizza for breakfast.

[Suzi]

Nice! :)

[Stella180]

I’ve found some MJ videos on tv too so all is good in the world

[Suzi]

You seem to be in a positive mindset about this?

[Strugglingmum]

Sounds like quite a night. Glad you enjoyed it.

[Stella180]

Yesterday was a good day. It felt good to function like a regular person, to have someone to watch the games with and talk to about random stuff and have a laugh. He is a bad influence where the drinking is concerned but it’ll soon be sober October so I’ll be taking a break.

[Flo]

I'm pleased you had a good day yesterday....doesn't it make a difference when you have company? I don't always want company but I know I need it, and I'm a better person for it. I have to make the effort but try to strike a happy medium.

[Suzi]

So glad you got to have some quality social time love.

[Stella180]

Oh I forgot to mention while I was a little bit merry on Saturday I may have talked myself into joining a darts team. They are having a practice night tonight so going over to join them. I have no idea who is playing for them, I only have a name of the captain so to say I’m a bit uncomfortable is a massive understatement but I am determined not the bottle out. Supposed to be there for 8pm but I’ve already got my darts out and put my shoes on and ready to leave now. My theory is if I go early I’ll be first on the board and it will be easier then trying to force my way in to the group when they are already there and settled in. Taking my painkillers just in case my shoulder doesn’t hold up. Wish me luck

[Strugglingmum]

Enjoy your night.... and well done you. Very brave!!

[Paula]

Yay! That’s awesome!

[Stella180]

My darts are far from awesome lol. I have had 2 yrs out and no shoulder pain which is a positive. I am feeling a burn and will know about it in the morning but all is good. I just need to work on my release and find my range.

[Suzi]

I'm so proud of you!!!!!

[Stella180]

I’m home and knackered. Three hours on the board and didn’t win a single leg but I don’t care. I’m just glad I can throw again without pain. The rest will come back in time. I started to feel a bit of a twinge so did the sensible thing and came home early. Took a while due to roadworks. I’ve worked muscles I’ve not used (in that way) for a long time so bound to be a bit stiff for a few days but it was totally worth it. First time I’ve left Talia for more then an hour since lockdown began and she was really pleased to see me when I got back. Early night for me now so I’m ready for tomorrow’s telephone meeting.

[Suzi]

That's such a positive post! I'm so pleased for you!

Hope the appointment goes well today..

[Strugglingmum]

So glad you enjoyed it. Good luck for your phone call

[Paula]

Huge post! :)

[Stella180]

Seriously it felt great getting back to the game I love after such a long time. This morning I’m not as bad as I expected to be. Bicep is a bit sore it my arm is fully extended, shoulder feels fine but not done much and back and hip isn’t too bad either so I might have gotten away with it. I definitely need to get the doors hung in the house so I can get the dartboard moved and practice at home again.

[Suzi]

You really should do that!

[Stella180]

Yeah well I’ve I’ve managed to get someone to install my dishwasher and outside tap. It’s costing me parts and a date ;) He hangs doors too lol

[Suzi]

Woohooo!!! A date?

[Stella180]

Yeah. I agreed that if he did the work I’d take him out for dinner as a thank you so he get his way in the end.

[Suzi]

Do I ask who?

[Stella180]

You can ask lol. How many plumbers can you think of that might want my company as payment ;)

[Suzi]

Woohoo! :)

[Stella180]

So I just popped out the Home Bargains and Wickes and when I got back Talia was really excited. You’d think I’d been gone a week not half an hour. I now have the MDF to build the feeding station. If it stops raining for long enough I might get around to cutting it all to size this week.

Please tell me this isn’t just a “me” thing... When you see/hear/think of something and decide you’d like to learn more so head to Google. Open your browser and promptly forget what it was you wanted to look up. This is the online version of walking into a room and forgetting what you are there for.

[Paula]

No, it’s absolutely no just a you thing. I do that at least once a day!

[Angie]

I do that constantly its not just you

[Suzi]

I do it too!

[Stella180]

I’ve been a good girl so far this year but if anyone would be willing to support me in my Sober October challenge I would be extremely grateful. With 2020 being a pretty tough year people taking part in the challenge have the option of doing 14, 21 or 31 days. Of course anything less than the full month feels like a cheat to me which means no beer at darts, no beer to watch the football and no going out (or staying in) for a beer or two with friends.

To make a donation simply go to http://www.gosober.org.uk/users/sarah-weston-4

TIA

[Suzi]

Can you add that link to your signature strip please so I will remember when I next get some money ;)

[Stella180]

I didn’t think of that. Will do.

[Stella180]

This time last year I received my ASC Dx. It came is a bit of a shock and I still find it difficult some days to accept it but on the whole I’ve pretty much got my head around it. Everyday I learn something new about myself and having answers to why I’m such a weirdo has definitely helped and meeting others just like me who understand the struggles has been a lifeline.

There is one person who started me on this journey of self recognised and although I fought them every step of the way and only went along with it to prove them wrong. That didn’t exactly turn out the way I planned. Anyway I big thank you from me to our amazing boss lady Suzi for helping to change my life forever!

[Suzi]

Aww thank you... But it's all you who has done the hard work to do this. You are amazing.

[Stella180]

I’ve reached the halfway point of this years Sober Challenge. This year seems to be going really slow and those 15 days feel more like 50! Still going strong though and I will make it to the end cos this isn’t about me. It’s about all the families devastated by cancer and getting the support they need.

[Suzi]

You're amazing!

[Stella180]

I dunno about that. It’s not like I’m walking 5k on anything. I’m just sat drinking Bovril while watching the darts.

[Suzi]

OMG my Dad used to drink bovril!!