Hello :) **SU Trigger warning**

[Fuego853]

Hi everyone! :)

I'm not from English spoken country so I apologize for my bad English.
I'm Paula and I'm almost 24 years old. I hope I'm not the youngest here. I've been active on couple of forums 8-10 years ago but those were forums based on some totally different topics.

It's saturday night, all my friends are out, but I decided to stay at home (as usual). And I realize that would be good to find some kind of support group. I didn't know that I suffer from depression until June 2019 when my intrusive thoughts became worse. Then I found a great psychologist and she told me that it's obvious I have both anxiety and depression. Then my world turned upside-down because I realized I suffered from really bad depression in elementary school and all my anti-social life, suicidal thoughts became clearer and I understood what was happening in my head all my life. I'm positive person, but I feel down and sad all the time. It's so annoying. I cope with depression only with humour so people don't see something's wrong with me.

I hope to find some virtual depressed friends and to find some useful information. And to make mine and someone elses life a little bit nicer. (nod)

[Jaquaia]

Hi and welcome! Your english is very good!!

[Angie]

Hi and welcome

[Suzi]

Hi and welcome to DWD. I've added a **Su trigger warning** as you mention suicidal thoughts and it's our standard practise so members can make informed choices about what thy can and cannot read atm. Are you still seeing your Dr and your therapist? Are you on meds? Do you have a good support network around you? Sorry, loads of questions! :)

[Fuego853]

I'm sorry, I can edit it maybe? ��
Yes, right now, I'm home on holidays, but I'm going to my therapist when I go back to another city. :)
Actually, I'm really against any medication because I have another opinions about pharmacy and whole industry based on money. Aand, I don't have good support group so that's why I came here :D When I suffered from depression in elementary school, I started reading a lot of alternative books about spirituality, God, universe, power of selfhealing, power of thoughts and that saved me from really bad depression. Now, I guess I spend resource of selfhelp books and I'm confused so I think I just need similiar people around me. I have a boyfriend and he understands me because he also was depressed because he had IBD and depression came because od the illness. But he is good now, all depression gone. So I guess he's only one who understands me. But I think I bother him with my sadness. Maybe you all know how parents can be, they think I just want to play victim blah blah. :) Just ask if you have any question, I'm new here and don't know all the rules.

[Paula]

Hi, Paula, and welcome. Can I ask what you mean by ‘how parents can be’? I have 2 daughters and the eldest is 22 - I would never think either of them would just want to play victim. My youngest has struggled in the past and all I felt for her was sadness that she has struggled, empathy for her pain and hope that we could work through it as a family.

WRT medication, I can understand what you mean about the industry but I firmly believe your (and anyone’s) focus should be on using all the tools available to get well. For mild to moderate depression, research is showing that medication may not be the best route for most, but for more severe depression (and I would think suicidal thoughts comes in that category), anti depressants are usually effective. I know you’ve seen a psychologist, but have you talked to a doctor who is able to prescribe medication about your options?

[Fuego853]

I’m from part of the Europe where people are not so open minded. That’s what I thought about how parents can be. Also, I have bad family situation so focus was never on me but on their problems. I was always someone who needs to be quiet and my problems were the smallest ones and also the not important ones as theirs. I went to one lecture when guy (25 years) talked about his depression and he also said that his parents don’t understand him at all. I love my parents and I know that out there are parents who support their kids at maximum. That is so important and beautiful!

Thank you for your advice about medication, I will keep it in mind. I didn’t talk to doctor who prescribes those antidepressants but I think about it last few weeks and I guess that would be good idea.

[Suzi]

I'm the same as Paula - I only wanted to help and remind them how much I love, adore and support my children.
I also have to agree re meds. I have to take lots of medications for chronic conditions, and although I'd rather not take them, I know that my quality of life is much, much better when I do take them....

[Mira]

Hi there and welcome to the forum. It is nice to meet you.

Sorry to hear about your situation. Having this is never easy no matter what the surroundings are. But worse if thy are not ok.

[Fuego853]

Thanks to everyone! :) Nice to meet you all

[OldMike]

Hi Paula welcome to DWD :)