View Full Version : Hello there
Hello friends
Well it has been a while(nod) It has been quite an eventful year. In March I started a relationship with a wonderful lady. We are so very happy together (inlove) In May I bought a new house which we all love. Shortly after that, my step dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer and in August he went into a nursing home. Sadly, he lost his battle on 13th October & the funeral was on Monday. It all feels surreal at the moment. Mum needs a lot of support, although she has a lot of friends too. I’m trying to pace myself (my partner helps me to do this too) Just trying to take each day as it comes. I’m still on my meds, especially grateful for the night time stuff to switch my brain off! I am seeing my counsellor once a month too, and still swim regularly.
Hey hunni! I've missed you! It's lovely to see you!
I'm so sorry about your StepDad lovely... I hope the funeral went as well as it could do. Is once a month enough for the moment with your counsellor?
Jaquaia
15-11-19, 08:39 PM
It's good to see you! I'm sorry about your stepdad (panda)
Hey sweetie, good to see you :). I’m so sorry about your stepdad (bear)
It's good to see you sweetie, I am sorry about your stepdad xx
OldMike
16-11-19, 10:26 AM
So sorry about your stepdad, glad to hear from you again Arty.
Sorry to hear of your loss xx
Hello,
I had a good morning but at lunchtime I reversed my car into a wall :( Thankfully I am insured but I have to pay the excess. I feel very shaken up tonight. I am seeing my counsellor on Monday at 5pm which is really good. I can always book another one for a fortnight's time, thanks Suzi for your advice. Tomorrow I will go for a swim which will help. My partner and Mum have been really good/understanding today and have pointed out that mistakes happen and I must not beat myself up.
Awww am sorry about the car but as long as you are not hurt that is the main thing. I'm glad you have had support aswell x
They’re absolutely right - accidents happen to all of us. The important thing is you are all right - cars are hunks of metal that can be fixed
Marc used to work in car repairs and restoration. One day he told me to drive his pride and joy (old shape BMW325ise in gunmetal grey. I loved that car) and I was terrified. He told me something then that has stayed with me forever. "It's a hunk of metal that can be reshaped or replaced. It's the soft and the squishy bit - that's you - that's important".... He was so right (but don't tell him I said that!)..
Make sure you are kind to you, you've been through a lot recently lovely..
It is so good to be back on the forum. Thanks for your lovely comments xx
Sorry for your loss. This is such a great place for extra support.
It's good to have you back! :)
I'm crocheting again (inlove) I'm making a wreath with daisies and butterflies on it. I've been for a swim this morning & I feel calmer this afternoon x
Sounds like a really good day sweetie and the wreath sounds lovely xx
That sounds fun! I'm doing the Rosetta CAL which I'm loving!
Would love to see your wreath when it's done!
Hello folks,
It's anxious of Somersetshire here again! I start a new job on Monday and feel absolutely terrified. Thankfully my wonderful partner is talking me though things and I have spoken to the Samaritans today too x
Hey congrats on the job! What are you going to be doing?
I'm glad you've used the tools you have - do you want to talk about what's in your head here?
Hi Suzi,
The job is a part time care assistant (21 hours per week)
I am worried that I won’t be able to cope with it basically. It is the fear of the unknown. The people seem lovely there and were *really* keen to take me on. Today I am very tired and my head is full of self doubt. I am terrified of getting ill again. My partner has put me into bed to rest. I have had a few tears (which always releases stuff for me) x
I’m sure you’ll be great at it but it’s always difficult going into a new job. As your signature says, one day at a time. Try not to borrow trouble - I’m betting you’ll love it.
What are you doing to help ease the anxiety? Are you sleeping, eating, drinking?
Yes to the above and taking my meds. I have tried various distraction techniques during the evening. My brain is struggling to switch off tonight.Thank you for your words of encouragement Paula x
Hey, you'll be brilliant as a carer. How are the hours split over the week? Do you get time off in between to recharge?
What things have you put in place for self care?
Morning, lovely, how are you?
Despite having a bad night, I got up, walked the dogs and then came to pottery. I have had a small swim too. The shifts will vary but this week I am doing Mon-Weds 7:30/8-2.30. My partner is not working this week so she and the girls are going to look after the house/tea x I will have a swim Tuesday after work x
Jaquaia
30-11-19, 03:35 PM
Congrats on the job!!!
Hope you're loving your first day!
Aww thank you ladies. Day 1 done! Really felt like running away half way through but saw it through ��
My days have been changed and I am now working Thursday & Friday morning instead of Tuesday & Wednesday. I think this is better as I have 2 rest days now xx
OldMike
02-12-19, 05:40 PM
Hope all is going well.
Well done - you did it! (party)
Monday, Thursday and Friday sounds much better... Did you enjoy it?
I did thanks Suzi. Hard work and a lot of information to take in but I can see that the work is very rewarding. I have taken the dogs for a walk this morning, been for a swim and am now watching old episodes of Call the Midwife (my go to chill out TV) My crochet hook is coming out too (nod)(inlove)x
Sounds like a good way to spend your day.
Sounds like a lovely day...
Thanks friends.
I think I have taken in more from yesterday than I thought I did. I am nervous about Thursday and Friday but as my partner says, they won't expect you to be superwoman after one day! Due to a meds delay and talking things over with partner and counsellor, I have upped my evening pregabalin to 75mg ( I usually take 50mg 3x per day) I am hoping this will settle me before bed as my sleep is a little disturbed atm x
Sounds like you’re doing positive things to keep you grounded. Well done :)
It's great that you are talking everything through with your partner and counsellor lovely..
Hi, I have had a funny turn. This morning I had a call from the care home where I am going to be working re: a problem with the DBS check. After phoning the helpline and then racing down to the home to sort things out, I felt awful. I am know resting on the sofa. Still due to work in the morning so fingers crossed it goes ok x
Try not to worry Arty. I used to have enhanced DBS because I worked in a nursery. I’m sure it will work out ok.
Thanks ElizabethJane, the DBS situation is ok now. I am feeling calmer than earlier thankfully x
I’m sure it’ll be fine but I can understand why it’s upset you (panda)
Thanks ladies for being there to listen to me x
I know that it can cause upset, but hunni these things are normally relatively easily sorted. I hope that you're recovered from it now...
Hi, I've done 4 shifts now (nod) It feels less scary than it did thankfully! One day at a time x
Jaquaia
09-12-19, 06:52 PM
Brilliant!!!
Are you enjoying the job?
Hello friends,
Thank you for asking how it is going (nod) I have now done 8 shifts! It is going really well. I am getting to know the residents and other staff members. I can see how rewarding the work is. I did have a chat with one of the team leaders the other day as I felt worried about when I will be allocated a floor on my own (to date I have been buddied up with a more experienced care assistant) She was lovely about it and said that she thought I was doing well, reassuring me that there will be the other staff around to help. I saw my counsellor yesterday (for the first time since I applied for the job) & she was so proud of me (blush) I also got paid yesterday!
Pen and I went out for a lovely meal last night to celebrate. We have been together 9 months and we are so happy together. The girls are with their Dad this Christmas, we will be celebrating with Mum. Mum is coping ok thankfully, she is keeping herself busy but I know it will be hard being the first Xmas without my step dad.
Merry Christmas to you all
Xx
Jaquaia
21-12-19, 10:26 AM
That all sounds so positive!
Jaq's right, there are so many positives in that post! You are amazing. Well done! Happy 9 month anniversary to you and Pen too!
OldMike
21-12-19, 06:08 PM
Very positive post Arty, I'm glad you and Pen had a really nice meal out.
I am so proud of you, congratulations :)
Happy New Year!
I am taking time out for myself this afternoon. Everything has been crazily busy over the last few weeks. I have just written down all the things whizzing around in my head (with Pen’s help) and my cup is definitely overflowing! I have started a new cross stitch kit (nod)
Work is going well - my confidence is slowly building up. I had a supervision session a week ago and the team leader said she had heard nothing but positive things about me (blush) The residents are lovely, it is lovely getting to know them.
Hope you are all ok xx
Well done! I never doubted it. And I’m glad you’re taking some time for you :)
So glad things at work are going well and you've started to take tims out for you love.
Hi all,
I am really struggling ;( I went to the doctor - well it was a nurse) on Monday to request reducing my pregabalin to 25mg (from 50mg) I was convinced it was the right thing to do but now I am stressing about it being the wrong decision. At the moment I am taking 75mg immediate release venla. and I am concerned that the lower pregab will make it feel too strong. Pen has pointed out that we can get it changed back to 50mg straight away if there is a problem (and in fact I have a couple of weeks worth of 50mg so I could try the 25mg before the 50mg run out) I just feel really exhausted and mentally drained and although I thought I was doing the right thing, I am seriously doubting it now.
Why do you think the lower preg will make the ven feel stronger?
Be aware that reduction of pregabalin is really hard, you can get strong withdrawal symptoms, so just be aware.
Sweetheart you can try it if you want and change back if needed...
Why do you want to reduce the preg?
Pregabalin is tough to reduce, and very quickly makes you feel like crap, so that’s going to impact your mood. (There have been times when I’ve forgotten my morning dose and was in a mess before lunchtime!). What prompted you to ask to reduce it? That’s not to say it was wrong, it’s got lots of side effects so I can understand anyone wanting to come off it....... and you know your body better than anyone.
I'm going to talk to the GP in the morning and say I have made a mistake and want to stay on the 50mg.
Sweetheart that's your choice, but if it's got you so upset today then it might be a good idea? Maybe wait for you to be totally stable for around 6 months before you start changing things?
Hello,
I have been to my doctor and reinstated the 50mg Pregabalin. I have also split my Venla. so that it isn't so fierce. I took today off from work as I was sick this morning so am resting up this afternoon.xx
I'm glad you sorted things out with your gp and that your resting x
Sounds like a good option lovely. Hope you feel better soon.
Hi, I'm really struggling ATM. I slept really badly last night and on Thursday night. I spoke to the crisis team at 4am and I am going to get referred back to the local MH team. I think a lot of this is SAD, which I always suffer from at this time of year. Following a chat with my counsellor, I have upped my pregabalin for the time being. So hard xx
Hunni, altering pregabalin doses is awful. I know when I am late or miss a dose it completely hits me hard with withdrawal. I have other meds which have similar effects if I change the dose etc... Is it "just" your pregabalin that you've been changing around a bit?
What self care things can you put in place? It's really hard, but sometimes you have to do it. Maybe find an audio book or listen and follow a guided meditation? I use things like that and watch old TV series so I don't disturb Marc as much as possible and the kids at all. I know he'd want to be there for me and hold my hand through the moments of pain and panic, but I know that it really messes up his mental health and I hate that..... It's blinking hard though!
I understand what you are saying Suzi I am still taking 75mg of Venla. and my night time meds are the same. I have just upped the Pregabalin to the level it was last winter. I will consistently take 100mg three times a day from now on. Pen and I are working through this together.
That's awesome. I'm glad you're working through things together...
Just thought I’d check in. How’s things?
I was wondering the same thing...
Hello there,
Thank you for asking. I have an appointment with the Primary Care doctor this afternoon at 2:30pm (I self referred) I am amazed at how quickly this has come through as I only spoke to the nurse on Monday. The appt. is for an hour and Pen is coming with me. We will be able to talk everything through. My mood has been has been quite low, I am struggling to concentrate and enjoy things atm.
Pen has a shut down week coming up so we are hoping to do something special together then.
Xx
Glad you've posted and it's great news about the Dr. Just a reminder to be totally open and honest with them about everything... i know it's hard, but they can't help if they don't have all the information.
Will you let us know how you get on?
Hi, sorry for the delay. The appointment went well and I have since received a letter from the Dr. detailing our conversation. The Dr. was lovely and really seemed to care. We are keeping me on the same meds for now. My sleep has settled down thankfully. I am still feeling anxious about things but then I am still getting used to working and balancing everything around it.
My youngest goes skiing with the school tomorrow morning. I am feeling ok about it.
On Monday Pen and I are going away for a night to a farm air b & b. It will be lovely to get away from it all (nod) x
That all sounds really positive and that things are working in a good way....
Hope your youngest has fun skiing and that you and Pen have a lovely time away.
Thanks Suzi. I'm having a recharge day today (inlove) Catching up on TV and doing some Zentangle.
It is basically doodling/pattern drawing. Google it - warning, it is very addictive! x
I love the look of zentangle, I'm not nearly able to do so due to no artistic flare!
Oh dear...I am struggling. I went to see the GP for a review this morning. He is a lovely guy & has been the one I have seen regularly over the last 5 years or so. I said I was sorry for everything and he said that I didn’t need to be.
We are having a night away this evening. P packed everything because I have very little energy atm. I worked a late shift on Saturday night and an early on Sunday which made me very tired (it is the nature of the shift pattern that this happens)
I am going to try and relax this evening with some drawing and painting. I know it always passes but today seems a struggle.
Sweetheart you seem to be struggling more since you've taken this job... Are you well enough to be working right now?
What did your doctor say?
Hi ladies.
We had an enjoyable evening last night (I felt a bit calmer) The doctor was lovely, as always, meds to stay the same for now.
I hear what you are saying about the job Suzi but I need to prove it to myself that I can earn money in readyness for when my maintenance stops. My plan is to save as much as possible before then. The job is very demanding physically but I am determined to give it a really good shot.xx
I get what you’re saying about money but I’ll just say what I told my eldest daughter the other day (when her boyfriend was worried about his potential short term drop in income). When you’re in a committed relationship, and living together, it shouldn’t be about ‘your’ money and ‘their’ money - you’re in this together
I completely agree with Paula... I'd also ask if it's worth your mental health as you haven't seemed stable since you started it lovely....
OldMike
04-02-20, 02:34 PM
I agree wholeheartedly with what Paula and Suzi have said, in days gone by in a relationship it was my money and your money, thankfully things have changed and it is our money it's a partnership. Maybe you need a less demanding job, just a thought.
Thank you for your comments. It is wonderful to be cared about. I have a probation period at work of 12 weeks and I must make it as far as that, if not beyond. The winter will be over then and my energy levels tend to go up. In the meantime I will continue to chat to you all on here (sometimes I have a tendency to feel I must go quiet which I know is unnecessary) x
Definitely no need to go quiet lovely, talk and talk and share what's going on in your head.
You are so kind. I suppose I am always try to please all the people all the time (Although my rational brain knows that this is impossible) I just feel very low atm. I said to Pen that I wish it was possible for me to see inside my brain, to prove that the depression is really there (and I am not making this up) x
We absolutely know it’s real, and you’re not making anything up.
Hunni, what is the reason you have to work?
Jaquaia
05-02-20, 07:54 PM
There are studies that show that depression creates physical changes in the brain and that brain activity is different too!
As I said before, I need to prove it to myself that I can work and also save as much as I can. When K is 18 (5 years time) my maintenance from my ex will completely stop and I have to get myself geared up for then. I know it is 5 years away but it is coming and I am a planner.
x
I understand that, but hunni, is it worth a mental health crisis? Can you work, but maybe do hours which aren't the shifts that you've had which causes you problems?
Hi, so I have been signed off from work for 2 weeks. Here we go, another breakdown :( just hate this x
I'm sorry you're feeling really bad, but being signed off will give you chance to get yourself more stable again hunni. You seem to have put a lot of pressure on yourself regarding this job and you weren't taking a stable dose of meds etc.... Hunni, don't be a stranger and don't beat yourself up about this. You've got us and we're in your corner.
Thank you Suzi, just feel so frustrated atm. I only had a couple of hours sleep last night which isn’t helping. X
I can sympathise with that, I've not been sleeping well myself...
Suzi’s absolutely right. Please don’t see this as a unstoppable road to breakdown, try to see this as an opportunity to rest and allow your body and mind to recover (panda)
Morning, thank you for your lovely comments. I slept much better last night thankfully (nod) Today, Pen and I are going to meet a friend for lunch at the Range (inlove) Could be expensive haha! I know it is very important that I don’t over do things. My ex has got the girls until Monday so I have chance to look after myself properly over the weekend.
Suzi - I am sorry you are not sleeping well. Hope things get better soon xx
I’m so glad you’re doing Things to take care of you :)
Thank you!
I'm glad you're doing what you need to do for some self care. I think it's going to be massively helpful...
Oops, did FAR too much yesterday. Today is a rest and art day (and probably a swim later) xx
Oh no! Hope you are definitely resting and pacing.... How's your mood?
I have been pacing today (nod) My mood has been really low but this evening it is a bit better. I have managed a swim today too x
Well done for pacing today and for self care of swimming. You don't have to hide away or hide what's in your head here lovely...
Hello,
My mood has been soooo much better today (inlove) I even managed to make a meal ahead for tomorrow when the girls are back. It makes me realise how ill I have actually been. I am hopefully going to arrange a meeting with my manager (Tuesday?) to discuss my return to work. I am a bit scared they will be p-ed off with me but I guess people do have to get signed off for MH reasons! X
Sweetheart if you've had 1 really good day, why not allow yourself to build on it and get yourself stable before even thinking about going to work?
Hello, I have had blood tests done and they have shown low iron levels. I think I may have missed a period. Xx
At least it's not too difficult to treat in most people.... How's your mood?
I am taking supplements. I went to work to ask for a phased return today. They have referred my request to HR (I have asked for one shift per week for the first two weeks) x
Do you feel that you are ready to go back to work already?
Sweetheart, it’s been so recent since you were in a really bad place - it might be worth waiting just a little while longer before going back to work .... please think about it
Hi ladies, I am so tired at the moment. I just want to rest. I did manage to clean Penny's Dad's flat (took 1.5 hours) but that has totally wiped me out. Now going to rest all afternoon. You are both probably right about waiting longer before I go back, if at all. X
"If at all?" Are you thinking that maybe you need to wait and make sure you are totally stable for a while before thinking about working? I think that sounds like a sensible idea lovely...
I honestly don't know the answer. The manager has agreed a phased return for the week after next. It is only 1 shift a week for the first two weeks so I will see how it goes. X
How are you being protected re the Coronavirus?
I'm glad you're doing a slow phased return lovely, make sure to take it really slowly lovely and listen to those around you...
No idea re: the virus. I know there are no visitors allowed at present.
Thanks Suzi. This MH issue just worries me long term re: my earning potential. As Pen says, if this job isn't the right one/right hours then something else will come along. Or in other words there are 26 letters in the alphabet! X
Pen's very wise...........
Is it worth you working together at the pottery? Is that workable?
No, this is not possible. Things will work out, even if I have to get a few little jobs to give me a break in between. One day at a time eh? x
Absolutely one day at a time...
Hi, I have made contact with my private psychiatrist (he is on holiday until 1st April) I feel really low and I need more help. Hopefully things will improve in due course x
Well done for reaching out. What’s happening with your iron levels?
Well done for reaching out... Are you safe?
Yes, I am safe. We were going to go away for a few days but we can’t now obviously. The girls are with their Dad and it looks as if they will have to stay there, due to the PM’s directions. Yesterday, Pen and I were helping her Dad move. Today we need to finish a few things related to this. Pen has a shut down week this week and I am still off work so we will have time to spend together painting, drawing and walking the dogs etc. Trying to take one day at a time, or even one hour at a time but in these uncertain/stressful times this is proving difficult x
My sister in law shared this last night
“If you work in a critical sector outlined in this guidance, or your child has been identified as vulnerable, you can continue to take your children to school. Where parents do not live in the same household, children under 18 can be moved between their parents’ homes”
https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/full-guidance-on-staying-at-home-and-away-from-others/full-guidance-on-staying-at-home-and-away-from-others
I think you two spending some chilled time together without additional stress could actually be a good thing - for both of you!
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