View Full Version : Chapter 2: the book addict rejoins the world
I think that’s common - I was chatting to my hairdresser who’s daughter (though 18) has learning difficulties. She had to be admitted to hospital for a few days last week and wouldn’t let her mum go home as she was terrified. Instead of offering help, her father kicked off at my friend because he found out E was in hospital from his mother, rather than from my friend. And this was 2 days after she’d been admitted, when he hadn’t even bothered to text E to say he was thinking of her.
It's something I've seen all too often too...
The sooner something is agreed legally the better!
Jaquaia
08-02-20, 04:47 PM
I've told him that if she won't even let him have an hour then he should show up at the school and make sure her gives her hugs and we'll do presents on Thursday.
Maybe that would really anger her and it might be worth going with what she says this time - send her texts and telling her how much he loves her and can't wait till they have a special day the day after etc? Gives her 2 special birthdays and a party :)
Jaquaia
08-02-20, 08:22 PM
It doesn't matter what he does, she'll always be angry with him. And she'll be at the party too and will probably ruin it. She ruins everything else. T has already commented that she's ruined his last 3 birthdays/Christmas
Be very careful, love, that the kids don’t run to you to complain about their mother - that will cause a mountain of issues between you all
Jaquaia
08-02-20, 08:59 PM
I'm ok if they do complain to me about her. I'll just log it so it's there if needed.
Yes, but if she says he can't see her, then maybe he's best to follow that but make a note to his solicitor that he was denied access to her on her birthday....
Jaquaia
08-02-20, 09:05 PM
I'll mention it when he rings me
I'm ok if they do complain to me about her. I'll just log it so it's there if needed.
What I meant was that, if they start seeing you as someone who listens to their complaints about their mother, eventually it will come out to her and that leaves it all open to her accusing you of poisoning them against her
Jaquaia
08-02-20, 10:13 PM
To be honest, T doesn't even complain to J about her, only to J's parents so I'm not sure he would.
I think her bf may have had a word with her as she's now looking at letting J see A...
Just make sure that they are logging everything.
Maybe new bf isn't all bad then?
Jaquaia
09-02-20, 09:29 AM
I think he reacted badly on Christmas Eve and was out of order, but like I've said to J, he was upset at not seeing his daughter and we have no idea what she has told him. I know with J, the biggest issue is it was within hearing of the children.
Still really snotty!!! And going out for a family meal today as it's my mums 60th tomorrow. That will be no Eleanor cuddles today then!
Exactly - no one knows what poison she's been feeding him.....
Hope the birthday lunch is a good one!
Jaquaia
09-02-20, 04:33 PM
Well today has been fun...
Jaquaia
09-02-20, 06:25 PM
A has cut her hair, resulting in a huge tantrum from Cruella and accusing J's parents of neglect. My mum started a conversation about babies by saying it was my brothers turn next, which cued a load of comments about it being different when it's your own, etc, etc. And then my brother sprung on me that we were sharing the cost of the meal 3 ways, so my share was £42, which would have paid for my meal and dessert, both my mum and dads meal, and my drinks and I don't have that kind of money on me this week. So ending the day feeling pretty inadequate and broken and still have to get all Talia's stuff together ready for tomorrow.
So sorry that happened. I can relate. But I also know this has nothing to do with you as a person. If that would have a value on it you would have millions.
The share does not seem right if it would pay for that much does it?
Jaquaia
09-02-20, 07:27 PM
There were 7 adults and one child. So my brother and sister were both in a pair, plus my niece, and I was alone as J was at work.
That seems unfair to have sprung that on you...
What about A cutting her hair? How did she get the scissors?
Jaquaia
09-02-20, 08:19 PM
They stayed at J's parents on Saturday night and she was cutting out dinosaurs. It sounds like his mum turned her back for a few seconds
OOps! It's so easily done!
Jaquaia
09-02-20, 09:04 PM
We know that, but she's claimed if A went to school with her hair in that state, it's 99% likely social services would be involved as it's neglect. My sister in law confirmed that's a load of rubbish
As an isolated incident and if she had been taken to school with a "omg, she was cutting dinosaurs, MIL turned her back for 2 seconds and this is what she did!" I can't see it being an issue.... Unless SS are already involved and she has something to worry about?
Jaquaia
09-02-20, 09:23 PM
No. They were when T was a younger as it turned out one of her friends was on the sex offenders register and from what I can gather, she knew this and still had him around the children so SS needed to make sure T hadn't been interfered with... it's probably the only time J has been angry with her, as he didn't have a clue. I think it was an excuse to have a go at J as I don't think her reaction would have been the same if it had been her mum looking after them. My sister in law said today that she's had to ring more than one parent to apologise as their child has cut their hair in her class and J said he had one when he was doing his teacher training placement that cut her plait off, plus his mum was a teacher for 45 years. J explained how safeguarding as a teacher worked and how something like that would just be logged, and reminded her of how long his mum taught for, and her response was "Well she should have known better". This coming from a woman who sends her children to the grandparents ready to be taken to school having not given them breakfast...
Didn't know J was a teacher?
Jaquaia
09-02-20, 09:55 PM
He was pressured to quit his PGCE before he completed it
That's really sad...
How are you today love? It's today Talia goes isn't it? You OK?
Jaquaia
10-02-20, 08:28 AM
It's what it was like for him. She pressured him to give up cricket too and he was a very good under-15s coach and a decent player. I understand as dickhead pressured me to give up my degree.
I'm still snotty. I'm ok but feeling very guilty but my mum insists it has to be done as she can't cope with her on her own and we can't risk things going wrong with Toby. I've not even got her stuff together yet.
Jaquaia
10-02-20, 02:40 PM
Just got back from lunch and just sat around chatting with Sarah. Just had a parcel delivered, J has ordered me some cotton handkerchiefs, he is so thoughtful! I'm definitely going to have to keep him (inlove).
I think I'm resigned to her going and it will be strange going up to bed without her tonight. Talia, just to clarify!
It will be strange, but it does sound like the best thing for her as you can't take her with you.
Jaquaia
10-02-20, 07:37 PM
Walking away from Sarah's car without Talia was so much harder than I imagined it would be.
Oh hunni, I’m sorry (bear)
Oh hunni (panda) I'm so sorry x
Jaquaia
10-02-20, 08:35 PM
I had to do what was best for Talia
Doesn't stop it from hurting or you from needing hugs and support....
Jaquaia
10-02-20, 08:43 PM
J is taking me for lunch tomorrow and providing hugs. He feels bad too and like he caused this
Oh hunni, it is just what it is love. No one is to blame. Stop beating yourself up love.
Jaquaia
10-02-20, 09:43 PM
I did some uni work to distract
It’s absolutely no ones fault, it’s just what had to be
Strugglingmum
10-02-20, 10:15 PM
Always hard to say goodbye whatever the reason. (bear)
Jaquaia
11-02-20, 08:45 AM
I'm ok. It was weird going to bed without her and weird waking up and not wrestling with her for the quilt. But Sarah sent me a photo when she got home and she was quite happy laid on Sarah's bed. She went for a walk last night and Sarah's taking her to explore the woods near her house today
Jaquaia
11-02-20, 03:01 PM
J helped me sort the shed out so we can get into my books easier on Thursday. Yeah... my sister is a (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)wit and knows I'm not happy from my manner. My coats were out there in a black bag and are damp and possibly mouldy! I had 2 bags of papers out there, including football programs and signed dinner programs... all smelling damp and fusty now. And 9 boxes of books, one of which was damp, some of the books are mouldy AND it looked like mice had had a good go. Still can't figure out what possessed her to put all that in the shed in the first place
Jaquaia
11-02-20, 04:31 PM
Going through the paperwork and have found all my exam results and certificates among it, including my degree transcript and certificate... luckily they were in a plastic folder and seem to be ok
Oh no! Did you know that they were in there?
Jaquaia
11-02-20, 09:08 PM
No. I thought it was just paperwork and I'd seen some football programs too, I just couldn't get in to get them. We've been looking for my winter coat for 5 years. I've no idea why she thought that was a good idea!
Oh! Hopefully you can salvage most of it...
Jaquaia
11-02-20, 10:06 PM
I'm going to try washing my coat tomorrow. I've gone through a huge pile of paperwork today. Tomorrow is driving lesson, sorting my coat and uni work, and Thursday is moving day part 1!
Jaquaia
12-02-20, 12:03 AM
Oh and hair cutting (J is paying (giggle)) and potentially A's birthday party...
Woohoo!!!! What's been decided about the party?
How are you today?
Jaquaia
12-02-20, 11:13 AM
No idea! She's been her usual pleasant self since A cut her hair. Even decided that her bf can take them to school and speak to the class teacher. J's told her that should have been discussed before new people speak to the teacher. So I'm going to take them to school on Friday!
I'm ok, tired but less snotty. Driving lesson was good, we worked on reversing today as I've been struggling with that. Today will be uni work all day. Need to start getting sorted for my research report.
I still struggle with reversing, and I’ve been driving almost 30 years....
Well done for the driving!
I think it's really cool that you're going to take the kids to school - is that with J or on your own?
Jaquaia
12-02-20, 12:27 PM
I still struggle with reversing, and I’ve been driving almost 30 years....
I get mixed up with which way to steer when going backwards!!!
Well done for the driving!
I think it's really cool that you're going to take the kids to school - is that with J or on your own?
On my own. J is at the museum and it would save his dad having to get sortedearly, plus she's set a precedent now.
That sounds really exciting for both you and for the little people!
Jaquaia
12-02-20, 04:47 PM
Obviously I'm worried about how she'll react but she can't really say anything
Do the children stay overnight on Thursday? So you can take them straight away? I'd just be concerned that you would have to deal with her and some confrontation....
Jaquaia
12-02-20, 08:30 PM
The children are with us from school finish until next Thursday afternoon.
She knows about Abbie inviting me to the party. J offered her a lift and she said she wouldn't get in his car so her bf would take her and when J asked if he was staying told him he assumed so, so he mentioned A had asked me to go... "Oh"
Well she can't really say anything after inviting her bf without even mentioning it when she hasn't paid a penny towards the party.
Then I hope you enjoy it! :)
Jaquaia
12-02-20, 08:57 PM
I'm bound to be on edge as I don't trust her at all. But it needs to be a case of both partners are there or neither are and if I didn't show up, I'd upset A and she'd think she was in charge. I don't care if she doesn't like me, I do care if me not being there upsets A
That's exactly the right way to think about it. I'm so glad A and T are having you in their lives.
Jaquaia
13-02-20, 07:45 AM
That little boy needs a lot of extra love this week. After the fuss she made over J seeing A on her birthday, they were palmed off on her mother that night and he really wasn't happy about it
Jaquaia
13-02-20, 11:44 AM
Knackered now!!! First carload of stuff in my new home (inlove)
YAY!!!!
Happy Moving Day (Part 1)!!!!
Jaquaia
13-02-20, 02:00 PM
I've had so much hair cut off!!!
Jaquaia
13-02-20, 06:22 PM
https://www.dropbox.com/s/hialx6ut22wj8er/20200213_140419.jpg?raw=1
Oh wow! It really looks lovely!
Jaquaia
14-02-20, 08:59 AM
Woohoo!!! Got my marks back from my first essay! 90!!!
That's fabulous! Well done love!
You are getting great result for the all the work you put in. Great job (party)
OldMike
15-02-20, 10:46 AM
Woohoo!!! Got my marks back from my first essay! 90!!!
Woo hoo (party)
You’re unusually quiet. Studying?
Jaquaia
18-02-20, 11:30 PM
Yes. I have a 2000 word research report to hand in tomorrow, still have 1200 words to write and it happens to be half term too...
Jaquaia
19-02-20, 07:25 PM
About 700 words to go...
Jaquaia
19-02-20, 10:10 PM
Submitted. It's not my best work but only 10 hours into my grace period and even managed stories for A!
That's brilliant! Well done lovely!
How's the half term going? Have you and J got the little people all week?
Well I am, sure it will be fine. And stories with A is awesome :)
Jaquaia
20-02-20, 03:49 PM
That's brilliant! Well done lovely!
How's the half term going? Have you and J got the little people all week?
They go back there tonight. Today has been stressful. T and J's dad went behind J's back and arranged for him to go to his friends house when they'd been told at the beginning of the week that we were going into Hull for lunch and a museum. T has sulked most of the afternoon, J's dad didn't like being told that we'd arranged today at the weekend, all he kept saying was that plans change and we had to learn to change plans too so I said to J in front of his dad that in future, he arranges things with T's friends mum so this doesn't happen again. We can't let a 10 year old dictate things and his dad just completely undermined J by not even consulting him. The compromise was he could go until 12 but J's dad tried to argue that down too. I just think that J should be consulted about anything like that, he's their parent after all!
Well I am, sure it will be fine. And stories with A is awesome :)
Just hard work when I'm trying to meet a deadline!
Why would his dad think he had the right to arrange that without talking to J?
Still, I know it was stressful, but families are stressful particularly when grandparents are concerned - I refer you to my MIL ;)
Jaquaia
20-02-20, 05:15 PM
God knows!!! His dad didn't like being told he was in the wrong and argued back in front of T which wouldn't have helped, but I think we got him to see what he did wrong when we were at the museum. His parents even made a fuss over me having some bedding there. Apparently his mum was upset that we changed the bedding she bought him for a set of my bedding as it made her feel like what she bought was surplus. J wanted to do something nice for me and wanted me to feel more at home there and thought that this would help and they managed to spoil that and make me feel like I wasn't allowed a say
How bizarre! They were all for you and him!
And in the category of pita grandparents I refer you to my MIL who still has to speak to Marc several times a day, keeps telling him that he'd be better off living back with her, tell my kids that they should move in, complains about everything!!!!
I hope you've had a lovely time today though...
My parents have no idea what bedding we have, never mind the in laws! That’s got nothing to do with them
Jaquaia
20-02-20, 06:15 PM
His mum is still doing his washing while the kitchen is finished, which is the only reason she knows about the bedding. They bought replacement bedding just before Cruella left.
Today has been lovely though. I introduced A and J to Hercules then we took them to the place we use for pizza in the market and I've not been to that museum since I was a little older than A!
How long before the kitchen gets finished?
Sounds like a truly lovely day hunni x
Jaquaia
20-02-20, 10:15 PM
It needs flooring and a tiling now but cost is an issue. His parents insisted on getting it done before Christmas and paying for it but haven't really thought it through properly.
Oh and she's kicked off at him about my fb post. Claims he'd lied and said he told her I wasn't moving in and how she was tempted to reply saying I would never replace her as their mother so now feeling bad about that.
You have nothing to feel bad about. I would suggest he doesn't have her as a fb friend anymore so she can't spy on him + you... .
Suzi’s right. I have a great relationship with Katie’s dad but we’re not fb friends - it was just too difficult for both of us. And you and J know you’re not trying to be their mother so you have nothing to feel bad about
Jaquaia
21-02-20, 10:16 PM
It's all about control with her.
Shattered today! I think constantly being on the go with the children is catching up with me. Plus TOTM so cramps aren't helping my fatigue levels. Still, managed some uni work and sat trying to find a dress for a wedding I'm going to in May...
How are you feeling after the party?
(panda) for the cramps. Hope you're able to get some rest in soon x
Jaquaia
22-02-20, 10:58 AM
How are you feeling after the party?
I found it hilarious! I could see just how much her face fell when she walked in and saw me sat chatting with J's parents. It's very obvious they approve of me. I'm actually surprised that J didn't get abuse about me being rude as I didn't even acknowledge her but why would I acknowledge someone who has threatened me? Though J did go to say hello to her and her bf as they arrived and they both blanked him...
Ah least she didn’t kick off
Jaquaia
22-02-20, 11:32 AM
She would have revealed her true colours to a lot of people
Did you have fun though? Did A like having you there?
Jaquaia
22-02-20, 06:17 PM
She seemed to! And T seemed to love having me there too.
That's the most important thing for them! :)
Jaquaia
23-02-20, 03:05 PM
Found my old school reports! Don't think they'd get away with my year 3 PE report now...
"Kerry tries hard in P.E. although her build is a disadvantage in this area of the curriculum"
Jaquaia
23-02-20, 03:23 PM
I'd forgotten about it until I found my reports. No wonder I've always had issues with body image!
What??? That’s disgusting! :@
Jaquaia
23-02-20, 05:26 PM
My mum said she complained at the time
It doesn't help but things are different now thank goodness.
How was your weekend?
Jaquaia
23-02-20, 09:04 PM
Mostly ok. Been studying mostly, completely up to date with 2 modules and only 3 weeks behind on this block for my 3rd module. Cruella is being her usual lovely self, she's changing long-standing childcare arrangements with J's parents but not bothering to tell them, apparently as they haven't spoken to her... J is struggling so also trying to support him.
Why is she changing things?
Where are you living atm?
Jaquaia
24-02-20, 10:23 AM
Because she's a nasty, vindictive piece of work? Control? Certainly not because it's best for the children.
Still at my parents. Sorting my stuff out. We're aiming for me going to his for his long weekend at Easter and just not coming back.
Were you hoping for earlier?
Jaquaia
24-02-20, 12:06 PM
I think Easter will work out well as it will allow me to do uni work too, rather than having to focus on moving.
Glad you have a plan, are you working on your uni work atm?
Jaquaia
24-02-20, 01:14 PM
So far I've sorted my toiletries out and just having lunch. Next plan is uni work
Well done love! How's it going?
Jaquaia
24-02-20, 05:41 PM
I've cleared another box and repacked it with stuff I want to keep. Read a chapter of my textbook too.
Jaquaia
24-02-20, 09:11 PM
I've done a lot of the online learning too so going to relax with my new book now. Saving the gem that is Cronbach's alpha for tomorrow...
Look how far you’ve come :)
Jaquaia
24-02-20, 10:40 PM
I still have so much to do but hoping I can get through at least 2 weeks worth of work this week, plus I'm at J's over the weekend so will have a few quiet days while he's at work too.
Well done lovely. It's great to see you realistically pacing.
How are you doing today?
Jaquaia
25-02-20, 10:09 AM
I'm tired and on a bit of a go slow today. Showering took a huge effort.
Could you have been pushing yourself a bit hard?
Can you leave the studying for today and just read a book?
Jaquaia
25-02-20, 03:32 PM
I'm going to do some study after tea and read until then. Started a great Ann Cleeves book that the in laws bought me for Christmas. Don't want to put it down!
Glad you're relaxing with a book...
Jaquaia
25-02-20, 05:17 PM
If you can relax with a murder mystery (giggle)
Jaquaia
25-02-20, 11:23 PM
Don't think I've ever been so appalled or disgusted. T has apparently overheard Cruella on the phone to her bf telling him that if the children didn't start behaving then she'd have to consider putting them into care... on more than one occasion...
I know Js lawyer is documenting all this stuff but when is that info going to be used?
Surely someone should be using this info and looking into custody for the children's safety and well being?
Jaquaia
26-02-20, 09:09 AM
He's going to go get legal advice
Good. I think it's the best option, and quickly as I think he's waited long enough...
Jaquaia
26-02-20, 09:38 AM
The issue is, T has begged him not to mention it to Cruella as he doesn't want her to know he's told J about it
Their safety overrules those sort of worries, lovely
Jaquaia
26-02-20, 10:50 AM
I know, he doesn't want T to stop trusting him as he has a habit of keeping things to himself as it is as he doesn't want to upset people. It took us nearly an hour of gentle reassurance last time I stayed to get to the bottom of what was bothering him. I've suggested to J that he speaks to the solicitor to find out his options and then speak to T about it.
I feel so much for those poor kids... I hope he talks to his solicitor asap as what they are going through is abuse. TBH I'm shocked that nothing has happened so far to safeguard those babies....
Jaquaia
26-02-20, 12:16 PM
I'm shocked that this is happening when her bf is supposed to be a social worker!!!
J has to do something, love
Jaquaia
26-02-20, 12:49 PM
I know. Which is why I've suggested getting legal advice so she can't tell a load of lies based on her bf being a social worker
Jaquaia
26-02-20, 04:17 PM
Ffs. My wrist is absolutely throbbing today. I've taken paracetamol and ibuprofen, massaged my wrist with tiger balm and am using both my compression glove and my splint. Luckily it's my left wrist so I can still study (my RA has never been symmetrical). My mum come into my room, told me about a letter she got from the doctor, and then pointed out I hadn't washed her dressing gowns yet and when I asked what was wrong with her putting them in the washer...
"You get paid for it..."
Wow! That wasn’t a degrading comment at all :@. The sooner you’re out of there, hunni, the better
Jaquaia
26-02-20, 05:03 PM
She said she was joking but I really didn't find it funny
You get paid for it? Wow, nice comment there..... How did you reply to that?
Jaquaia
26-02-20, 06:39 PM
I just looked at her. I get £66 a week carers allowance. I do a lot of the housework, sort her meds, order her meds, go to appointments with her, do the washing, help with tea, change bedding but apparently £66 a week makes that ok...
You’re her carer, not her slave
Jaquaia
26-02-20, 07:26 PM
This is why J wants to keep the cleaner when I move in. He knows I'll push myself to try and do everything that needs doing
magie06
26-02-20, 08:11 PM
So 66 pounds a week. There are 168 hours in a week, so that works out at approx 40 pence per hour!! Does your mum know how much it is going to cost when she has to get carers in?
That's outrageous! Are you planning on carrying on doing most of that when you move out?
Jaquaia
26-02-20, 09:13 PM
I only have to do 32 hours a week to be entitled to carers but still! It works out around £2 an hour. It takes around an hour to sort out her meds. A good half an hour to an hour to sort the washing as they don't seem capable of putting clothes in right way or putting them in the wash basket. It takes about an hour to change bedding and I very rarely have help to put the quilt cover on and they have a king size bed... an hour, maybe more to fold washing. Then there's appointments, sorting letters, trying to get her to take her meds properly. I'm planning on doing some of it when I move out as I'll be here on a Wednesday night until I've passed my test, it can just be exhausting. Today for example, everytime I've tried to take my splint off, my wrist has started throbbing. I tend to still do stuff as I can't cope with medical top trumps
You cannot and must not attempt to do everything for them in just one night a week. Please .....
Jaquaia
26-02-20, 10:46 PM
I promise. Especially as I'll be starting my level 2 at the end of April
Thats good. Your intentions are awesome as always. But you need to look out for yourself as well.
Are they going to get carers in to do things when you move out?
Jaquaia
27-02-20, 08:34 AM
I have no idea
Why do I get the feeling you are going to be trying to do it all anyway?
Jaquaia
27-02-20, 08:42 AM
I can't physically do it. Besides, J won't let me. He won't even let me do all the housework there when I move in, hence him keeping the cleaner. I got in trouble for hoovering when I stayed over a few weeks ago!
Why do I get the feeling you are going to be trying to do it all anyway?
That’s my worry
I can't physically do it. Besides, J won't let me. He won't even let me do all the housework there when I move in, hence him keeping the cleaner. I got in trouble for hoovering when I stayed over a few weeks ago!
I know that, but I know that there will be the expectation that you'll continue - or guilt trips if you don't....
Jaquaia
27-02-20, 11:04 AM
Then I'd look at getting a few hours in the village shop to pay for my lessons and drop the carers allowance.
OldMike
27-02-20, 01:19 PM
Then I'd look at getting a few hours in the village shop to pay for my lessons and drop the carers allowance.
Sounds like a good plan (nod)
I agree, sounds like a great plan.
Jaquaia
27-02-20, 05:35 PM
Sat in the station waiting for my train to go and meet J from work. Compression gloves are on as both wrists are throbbing today. Didn't drive home as my wrists started throbbing, though I did a spot on turn in the road!! My ankles are throbbing, my knees are throbbing and I feel sick. Fell asleep this afternoon too. Flares suck!!! Hopefully it's a mini-flare and won't last much longer, back on my injections too. Skipping a week let my body fight off the cold but my joints are protesting now
Sorry you're in flare love. I'm glad you're looking after you by doing things like not driving home.... Hope you get some rest and tlc at J's...
Jaquaia
27-02-20, 05:51 PM
He will make me rest. I've put my splints on too as reducing the movement of my wrists helps
Jaquaia
28-02-20, 09:54 AM
Stiff but better than yesterday so far. My shoulder is stiff but I think that's because I've slept with my arm up under the pillow for too long! I sleep so much better here and don't move as much.
Glad you're a little better lovely... Hope that you get some rest in today...
Jaquaia
28-02-20, 03:15 PM
Erm... I've been a bit naughty...
I'd intended to paint around the window seat today and that's done. I love painting, it's so relaxing! And it's made the room look a bit more complete. But I felt ok when I finished so I've hoovered out the sofa, fluffed it all up, washed up, put the pots away, put away the washing, collected the dirty washing from T's room and gone through and sorted A's wardrobe and drawers. I promise I am resting now!!!
That sounds like you've done loads!
Jaquaia
28-02-20, 03:27 PM
Oh and cleaned the litter tray.
I'm not moving off the sofa now until J gets home. A little bit of uni work as I have an assignment due on Monday but it's only a multiple choice quiz
Jaquaia
28-02-20, 05:27 PM
Erm... because I was restless and had more energy as I was feeling better than yesterday and as daft as it may sound, I feel much more free here. If I do stuff here it's because I want to rather than because I feel like I have to. I sleep better here too. I actually feel rested when I get up.
I do understand... Just don't overdo it lovely....
Jaquaia
28-02-20, 07:25 PM
I'm watching Torchwood and studying. Barely going to move from the sofa for the rest of the evening
Jaquaia
28-02-20, 10:31 PM
I got the boxset a few years ago! I've not actually seen all of them!
I haven't either, they're on my list to watch ;)
Jaquaia
29-02-20, 11:20 AM
They're on iplayer at the moment
Jaquaia
02-03-20, 04:46 PM
Back home. Wish I wasn't but I need time to sort my stuff out. Cruella has been her usual self. After the go she had about me just mentioning the children on fb, she's added a photo of all their feet in a circle, after specifically saying no photos of the children and new partners, and labelled it my family so J challenged her. Cue loads of abuse and how she didn't want to read all my posts so I blocked her.... nor even an hour later she was giving him more abuse about me having blocked her. Like J said, she complains when she can see what I put and she complains when she can't see. She had no comeback to that. But according to one of J's friends, his ex is not my issue to deal with, it's J's. Pretty much amounted to I can support him but it's none of my business.
I don't think it's a case of not being your business as such, but I do think that it's more to do with him standing up to her and making sure that what he says happens. I'm glad you've blocked her and I think that's the most sensible thing to do. I'd also suggest that he puts posts so she can't see them - not unfriend him as he needs to see what she posts, but just so she can't see posts which she might have an issue with...
I assume it's all being documented? It's also worth documenting every time you take the kids to school, you look after them etc etc etc.... I'd also document every scratch, bruise etc that you notice - esp those done while you and J or his parents are looking after them....
Jaquaia
02-03-20, 07:03 PM
We will.
When his parents dropped them off on Saturday, T came and sat on the kitchen counter while I cooked their tea and we had a long chat. I made it very clear to him that if things ever got too much for him there, he never has to worry about me wanting them there, that it will always be his home and if he wanted to live there all the time he never has to worry about me saying no. Maybe not what I should have done but it felt right to offer him that reassurance. He's not happy about her calling her bf and his daughter their family, he's not happy about her mother telling him that all he needs is Cruella and her bf, and he's not happy about her mother talking about Toby dying or not needing Toby (J's twatcat). In fact, they only got dropped off with Cruella a little after 5 and he's already rang J in tears begging him to go pick him up as the minute he walked in the house she started screaming at him for forgetting to do some jobs before he left on saturday... He's talked to us about some of his memories this weekend and they nearly all involve her shouting at J. He used to go up to his room to play but it turns out what he really did was lay on his bedroom floor with his ear to the floor listening to her shout and scream at J as he was scared about what she'd do. And the bit that upset me the most was when I told him that his feelings were just as important as the adults feelings, he said he didn't feel important and he doesn't feel like he is to his mum or her mum. I gave him the hugest hug.
He nearly made me cry yesterday though. We went for a 2 mile walk in the country (will post some pics of the area around my new home later), we got home, helped him with homework, did tea and then settled down to watch the Titfield Thunderbolt with popcorn before bed. J went in to say goodnight after A's stories had been sorted and I heard him say...
"goodnight daddy. I love you. You're the best. Tell Kerry she's the best too"
*sniffs*
Poor thing.. I don't understand why J isn't taking action against her having the kids when he's hearing things like that. I couldn't bear knowing that my kids were going through it and I was allowing her to treat them like sh*t because I hadn't stood up for them.... If he doesn't stand up for them and demonstrate to them that they deserve better and no one has the right to treat them like she does then they'll never believe it...
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