View Full Version : Chapter 2: the book addict rejoins the world
It’s so sad when a parent pushes their children away by that sort of behaviour but unfortunately not unusual. I’m just so grateful those children have you in their lives now - you will enrich them and provide stability they’ve been severely lacking
Jaquaia
28-12-19, 11:53 PM
There was an incident while J was getting changed on Christmas Eve. T accidentally shot A in her toes from a short distance while playing with a nerf gun. A started crying as it hurt (cheap fake bullets that Cruella bought) and T panicked and tried to hug her and apologise which she was having none of. I calmly told T to leave her alone to cry for a little while until she was calmer and she came to snuggle into my side. It makes me feel sad that he was so surprised that he wasn't in trouble for it. I want them to feel safe coming to me with anything
OldMike
29-12-19, 10:20 AM
I had a pop gun which fired a cork when I was but knee high to a grasshopper. Had to look up nerf gun which apparently fires soft sponge ammo. That was a lovely story Jaq and you handled it perfectly (nod)
You're going to the panto? They'll love that! :)
I think it shows a huge amount that they've bonded with you so fast! I'm not surprised, but thrilled!
Are you beginning to see quite how important you are to them already?
Jaquaia
29-12-19, 11:43 AM
Mike, these ones had a hard plastic tip so no wonder it hurt. The proper ones are soft foam.
Suzi, I'm not sure if the children know I'm going yet, but J and his mum are adamant that I am. I just want to do the best I can and be there for them.
Is that not the best way to deal with that kind of event? I am sure he was shocked enough when it happened. I can remember these things from my childhood as well. And having someone react the way you did is awesome.
Jaquaia
29-12-19, 02:28 PM
His mum would have shouted at him and banned him off something, usually his phone or xbox
I doubt that in this case that would have been a good solution. I did not mean to but I have hurt my sister in a bad way when we were younger. I was so scared that I hid under the table while they went to the doctor. And I did not dare come out. I was around 7 I think but I remember it real well. So I dont think I needed more punishment that day.
I completely agree. We all did things by accident that hurt someone when we were little, but I wouldn't have had the experience he had with you when it was me. I remember the consequences..... Trust me, he needs you in his life and someone who can help and support.....
Jaquaia
29-12-19, 07:19 PM
One of the things I want is to show those children what a family should be like. Not abuse and fear but love and support. It's what they all deserve
And it’s what you will show them - they’re lucky to have you in their lives
That's why you are in their lives love. It's what you will show them and teach them and they will then pass on to their children etc etc...
Jaquaia
29-12-19, 10:44 PM
Well J has asked T if he'd be ok with me staying over New Years Eve and told him to be honest and he seems perfectly fine about it :) it's a big step!
We've been planning the gardens today. It could be fun! Fun but expensive and wormy...
That is so nice. What a lovely night to stay there.
Are the kids there over NYE?
I'm so pleased for you lovely!
Jaquaia
30-12-19, 10:46 AM
They are! We're going to the Keighley and Worth Valley Railway on New Year's Day :)
That sounds fun (if you like trains!) :) I'm glad that you're going to start the year together as a family and they are going to start it surrounded with love!
Jaquaia
30-12-19, 04:48 PM
I love travelling by steam train. It's like stepping back in time.
His dad is being awkward about having to drive though as his parents are going too. J said on Christmas Eve about me going and his dad said about not fitting 6 in the car so his mum said about staying home which his dad didn't like. T has asked for me to go now and his dad complaining about having to drive is making me feel awkward about going now...
Don’t be, you are part of their family now. They’ll be a way through, there always is
Doesn't J drive? Can you not just take 2 cars or 1 car and a cab?
Jaquaia
30-12-19, 05:51 PM
He does (he's actually said I'm going on his insurance renewal in February!!! :o) but his dad is grumbling about having to drive too.
I guess that is normal. Try not to worry about it. Sounds a bit like my brother. Would do anything for me but it is always with a bit of a rumble :)
Let him grumble! I'm sure he doesn't actually mind, just having a dad grumble...
OldMike
31-12-19, 07:25 AM
I think you'll find as you grow older you're more prone to grumbling me and sis are past masters at grumbling.
I'm sure you'll have a great day out on the steam train it's a memory of days gone by when steam and coal ruled, it's good that there are enthusiasts which keep that part of our industrial history alive.
How are you today lovely?
Jaquaia
31-12-19, 11:55 AM
Tired. I've woken up with a sore throat and a headache so think I'm coming down with something. Still, going to plod through a couple of hours uni work before I go and meet J. I decided to give up on book 1 of my module and just start book 2 which is where I should be up to. If I can keep on track then I can go back and do the block 1 work. If I'm too far behind by March I'm going to think about deferring, as that's when my level 2 starts.
What a shame you might be coming down with something. Lets hope its not that bad. And try to focus on the good things. Going to J and spending this great evening together with him and the kids. I hope you have a great evening.
magie06
31-12-19, 01:02 PM
Can you spend today in bed? If not, warm drinks and a big fire.
Jaquaia
31-12-19, 02:09 PM
I'm trying to drink plenty and will take some more paracetamol soon.
Jaquaia
31-12-19, 04:44 PM
Forgotten to take more paracetamol but I have done most of next week's reading and now waiting for the bus to go meet J!
Have a wonderful time tonight and tomorrow :)
magie06
31-12-19, 06:08 PM
Have a brilliant night. Happy New year.
Have a lovely time hunni x
Jaquaia
31-12-19, 06:50 PM
Thank you! Happy New Year!
Jaquaia
31-12-19, 07:38 PM
Nope. His dad is still adamant that he's not driving. So J's mum is staying home on her own all day and J was told he should have checked before he said anything about me going with them.
Could you and J get a cab?
Jaquaia
01-01-20, 09:31 AM
It's about an hour and a half drive away. It will be fine, but J has told his dad he made me feel awkward and he didn't quite know what to say...
Good to hear he’s standing up for you. Have a lovely day :)
Jaquaia
01-01-20, 10:29 PM
Had such a lovely day! Last night didn't start great, J has A's tablet set to stop working at 8pm and she kicked off and started kicking T. I dragged her to the edge of the sofa, threatened to dangle her over my shoulder and told her she'd be staying home with me if she didn't behave. Within 5 minutes she had me lying on the floor doing scratchy unicorn pictures and within 10 minutes, T had joined us and was sat talking to me about football. I got chosen to do bedtime stories too. J said he loved listening to her talking to me :)
Today was lovely, managed to get half an hour cuddling before we had to get the children up. Got them sorted with breakfast and kicked upstairs to brush teeth and get ready. A fairly quiet drive up to Keighley and an enjoyable journey. I love steam trains!!! And we went through the station in The Railway Children tii which was cool!!! Had a bit of a kick off from A again over not being allowed her tablet for a 2 minute drive and she ended up hurting T, so she got a good talking to and made to apologise while T got a huge hug from me. Then while they looked in the magazine room, me and A went exploring in the museum.
Sounds like a pretty amazing day sweetie xx
Your first proper family day :). And I’m glad you feel comfortable setting boundaries for the kids
Jaquaia
02-01-20, 08:32 AM
Oh J dealt with A when she kicked off but she seemed to respond better to me when she was running off. She's fearless
Awwwww so glad you had such a lovely day! They'll remember it too! A day where they were allowed to be kids, to misbehave, but have consequences appropriate and then rewarded after the incident has passed. For them to respond so well to you already is so awesome.
How are you feeling love?
Jaquaia
02-01-20, 12:25 PM
Tired and headachey. Only just managed to eat as I fell asleep before I put my phone on charge and had a hospital appointment so didn't have time for breakfast. My wrists are throbbing but the ultrasound shows no inflammation. My ankles feel ok, just slightly achey, yet the ultrasound shows inflammation in my ankles! And my left plantar fascia has thickened. Just need to wait and see my consultant now to see what she says.
Please take things easy sweetie xx
As Ange says, can you rest at all?
Jaquaia
02-01-20, 01:00 PM
I'm going to try
Good as I have plenty of kippers :P(Kiss)
OldMike
02-01-20, 01:57 PM
What a marvelous day and you handled the bit of naughtiness by the children supremely well. The Railway Children was on TV the other day, you can't beat old movies can you.
I agree with the others. A good day and handled what happened with the kids real well. I hope you can rest a bit. And that you feel better soon. I googled the plantar fascia. Is it also painful?
So, still active disease, with all the other symptoms that go along with the inflammation. Are you going to give yourself a break sometime then?
Jaquaia
02-01-20, 05:10 PM
Good as I have plenty of kippers :P(Kiss)
(rofl)
What a marvelous day and you handled the bit of naughtiness by the children supremely well. The Railway Children was on TV the other day, you can't beat old movies can you.
We were watching that New Year's Eve! It's on BBC iplayer at the moment. I love it!
I agree with the others. A good day and handled what happened with the kids real well. I hope you can rest a bit. And that you feel better soon. I googled the plantar fascia. Is it also painful?
I've not noticed anything so was surprised!
So, still active disease, with all the other symptoms that go along with the inflammation. Are you going to give yourself a break sometime then?
I've been good today and not done anything. In fact, I've slept for a couple of hours so headache free now but just planning on reading.
Glad you've had some rest love. You definitely deserve it!
Jaquaia
02-01-20, 09:55 PM
I would never have been able to focus on uni work so didn't see the point in pushing myself
Blinking Henry! Are you listening to your body????
Jaquaia
03-01-20, 10:22 AM
No need for the surprise! (giggle)
Really? You don't think that this came as a shock this morning? (rofl) How are you feeling today lovely?
Jaquaia
03-01-20, 11:08 AM
Stiff and a little achey but no headache today. Just going to plod through uni work
Jaquaia
03-01-20, 11:16 AM
Yes, with regular breaks!
Sounds like a good plan. I hope its fun. And that you feel better soon.
Jaquaia
03-01-20, 01:07 PM
I will do my best!
OldMike
03-01-20, 01:57 PM
Don't forget to eat some nutritious meals too, breaks, drinks, food think that covers it ;)
How's the drinking going?
Jaquaia
03-01-20, 04:16 PM
Slowly but plodding. Not done much today but read a few chapters in my fun book
Plodding is fine, but how much have you had to drink?
Jaquaia
03-01-20, 04:49 PM
On my 3rd glass. Not enough I know. Will get another with tea
Jaquaia
03-01-20, 05:05 PM
About half a pint
So you've had about 1 1/2 pints today? Hunni, can you set your alarms again?
Jaquaia
03-01-20, 07:26 PM
I need to. I tend to do better when I'm at J's as I'm not shut away upstairs and he does me top ups without asking if I actually want one. I sleep better there too for that matter.
Jaquaia
03-01-20, 07:52 PM
I think I may cry! T has told J he'd be happy if I was there all the time! I've only met them 4 times so far!!!!
Wow, look at what kind of an impact you have had on T. I have to say that I liked your approach with them from the start. You thought things through and you have a way with them. They must have a good feeling about you. You are awesome for them. And they are good for you too. Its a great win win :)
magie06
03-01-20, 08:21 PM
That is really really wonderful. Your shinning beauty is there for all to see. The kids obviously recognize that you are going to treat them fairly and not use them as pawns like Cruella did.
*clears throat* we knew they’d adore you! So, when are you moving in ;)
Jaquaia
03-01-20, 09:36 PM
J said he would have me living there tomorrow if he could but I really need to be driving. T doesn't seem too keen on her bf yet seems to want to spend time with me. He said he likes how they got to meet me properly over lunch rather than a rushed 10 minutes, and he likes how we checked he was ok about me staying over instead of him having no say in the matter.
So, any chance of increasing your driving lessons?
Jaquaia
03-01-20, 11:02 PM
No. 2 hours a week is costing £48. I can't afford any more
That's such great news about T!
Jaquaia
04-01-20, 04:40 PM
So something I've been sitting on... we popped to a museum on the Keighly to Oxenhope line at Ingrow. J, his Dad and T had a look in the magazine room and A dragged me around the museum bit to look at things. I was happy with that, I could keep up with her and she listened to me and T got some valuable time on his own with his Dad. Only thing is when T came out to look around the museum part, they started playing a game where he was giving cab rides on one of the locos and A decided that I had to pretend to be her mum. For an hour I had her calling me mum or mummy. I'm not going to lie, I found it difficult but I kept quiet about it. She's 4 years old, she was just playing a game. Just hoping it gets easier
Awww sweetheart I can't say it will get easier but hope it does, but you will get more used to it and get more accustomed to it with time. (panda)
If you aren't comfortable then maybe say something to her - maybe come up with your own special name that just she and T get to call you? It would also ease things with Cruella as I imagine she'll make things hideous for the children if she hears that she's been calling you Mummy....
Jaquaia
04-01-20, 05:28 PM
Interestingly enough, T only wants to see Cruella, not live with her. He wants to live with his dad. She's already moved her new bf in, the children only met him the end of October, and she's still telling J that they could have fixed things and I ripped their family apart. Bodes well...
I didn't say anything as she was playing, she was pretending Grandpa was her uncle too.
Well one thing I have noticed is that what Cruella seems to say the opposite is true. But it seems you all know far to well how she is and that she is not telling the truth.
With the other I agree with Suzi. But it is sweet too. And if she did not want to she would not have done it. So it seems like you will have a great strong connection with her.
Jaquaia
04-01-20, 06:53 PM
T has told J's dad that he doesn't trust her. That speaks volumes to me
I know why you found that difficult but I will say that young children play ‘mummies and daddies’ all the time. She won’t see it as anything more than that. But Suzi’s idea is good - A would love having a very special name that only she (maybe T but he’s that much older so may not want to) can call you.
Jaquaia
04-01-20, 07:43 PM
I know. That's why I didn't tell her not to
Maybe you could suggest it to J that she comes up with a special name? It could be a play on your name, a shortened form or a longer one or just something totally different.... She'd like it and it would give you that special bond....
magie06
07-01-20, 12:55 PM
You are quiet. Are you okay?
Jaquaia
07-01-20, 06:08 PM
I'm ok, just not had much to update really
But as you know, just a ‘hi’ helps ease our minds ;)
Jaquaia
07-01-20, 06:28 PM
True.
Hi!
So........ how are things?
Jaquaia
07-01-20, 08:10 PM
Things are ok. Reading a lot, on my 5th book so far this year. Done some studying. Plodding really
magie06
07-01-20, 10:21 PM
I agree. Do you want to vent?
How are you today? (I'm worried)
Jaquaia
08-01-20, 08:29 AM
I'm ok, just tired
I don’t think any of us truly believe that, lovely ....
I don't...
But only you know if you want to talk about how things are for you. You know we're here when you're ready to talk.
What t hey said sweetie ^^
xxx
Jaquaia
08-01-20, 01:34 PM
I'm tired. I can tell my mood is dropping as I'm struggling to get up in a morning. My wrists are aching, my ankles are stiff, my throat is sore no matter how much I drink, I have very little energy and don't know if it's mood or RA related. I have so much uni work to do and not sure how I'm going to catch up.
Still, staying at J's from tomorrow and we're going to the panto tomorrow night so that should be fun
(bear) sweetie, hope your wrists and ankles improve soon for you and your throat clears, at least you have something nice to look forward to tomorrow xx
Do you think that needing to catch up on uni work and the stiffness is having an affect on your mood or is it something else?
Ok, I’m going to say it just in case. TOTM?
How much are you drinking?
Jaquaia
08-01-20, 02:51 PM
I think it's all contributing. I don't think it helps that I've been worrying about getting home on Wednesday because of the fuss his dad has made over driving and J having to borrow one of their cars.
Paula, shouldn't be TOTM but it's possible as I was a week early last month. Had 3 glasses so far.
There's always other options to get home - even if you have to get a cab.
Uni work - do you need an extension?
RA - Didn't your last blood test show active disease? Can you use the tools you have, rest and pace where necessary?
TOTM - Evening primrose oil? Do you use a tracker? If you were a week early last month, chances are you'll be a week early this month too.... Unless your cycle is like mine and it could just be whenever it f*ing fancies it...
You've got this love, we've got you, but don't stop talking. We all know that when you're quiet it's coz things aren't great.... We love you, let us help...
Jaquaia
08-01-20, 06:52 PM
I add it to the calendar on my phone. Definitely when it wants, had 8 last year with between 3 and 11 weeks between. Last bloods my rheumy saw showed my inflammation levels were almost normal but the ultrasound showed inflammation in my ankles. Don't need an extension yet as assignments are due late Jan/early Feb
Almost normal isn’t normal and, with the ultrasound, it suggests to me it’s still active. So you still need to be considering the impact of that on, well, everything, surely?
Is J’s dad still being funny about things? Does J not have his own car? But, as Suzi says, there’s always options, lovely.
If your assignments aren't due in for a while, then what bits are you thinking you are behind in and have to catch up with?
Could you possibly be being too harsh on yourself?
Jaquaia
08-01-20, 08:19 PM
My ankles haven't been confirmed as RA and my inflammation levels were low enough for it to be classed as clinically in remission. Apparently CRP levels under 10 are classed as remission and mine were 9.
J's car is still in the garage from before Christmas. It needs something on the computer fixing so he's borrowing his dads. There have been a few snotty remarks and they ended up bickering on New Year's Day as the seat in his mums car could do with fixing, his dad was saying it wasn't comfortable and it escalated from there when J asked why they kept it then. And J's dad somehow managed to rip the wing mirror off their runaround...
If your assignments aren't due in for a while, then what bits are you thinking you are behind in and have to catch up with?
Could you possibly be being too harsh on yourself?
No. Currently week 12 and I haven't even completed week 3. Definitely behind.
OK.... Uni - how come you're on week 3? You seem to be spending lots of time reading - are you up to date with the reading? It's all sortable. You know you can do it. I know you can.
WRT the car, if it's that much of an issue, then what about getting there by train/walk/cab? If you took the kids too then it'd be a real adventure! :)
Jaquaia
08-01-20, 09:16 PM
Struggling to focus. I can spend all day with uni work out and not get far at all. I've only been reading in an evening, unless my wrists have been painful, then I've read during the day as I would struggle with holding a pen for long.
Have you thought of using an app that takes notes from you talking?
Can you apply for a disabled student allowance? Ben's got one awarded and he's going to get laptop, printer and software that he can scan a page and it will read it to him and one that he can talk and it'll take notes for him... I can find out what it's called if it helps?
How are you today?
Jaquaia
09-01-20, 08:59 AM
I'm ok. Heading out for a driving lesson so will answer fuller later
Hunni, you’re not ok ....
I agree, I don't think you seem OK either...
Jaquaia
09-01-20, 11:05 AM
J said the same thing last night. Maybe I think I'm ok because it's so much better than how I have been. I maybe need to accept a new baseline
Jaquaia
09-01-20, 04:02 PM
Definitely not ok now. My stomach is protesting rather vigourously against the cheese and crackers I had for lunch..
magie06
09-01-20, 04:17 PM
How is the drinking going?
Jaquaia
09-01-20, 04:20 PM
Not great but I have almost a week of J bothering me now so it will improve. I did go for pepsi at the station though rather than risk costa. Need to investigate if they do lactose free milk as I'm not overly keen on the plant milks.
Sorry you're struggling! I've always found oat milk closest but totally Suzi friendly ;)
Are you resting? When are you going to J's?
magie06
09-01-20, 04:57 PM
How did your driving go?
Jaquaia
09-01-20, 07:06 PM
I'm at J's. We're watching The Boy in the Dress with the children. Driving was good. I was rusty but quickly settled. Fluffed my turn in the road but still managed to do it
Hope you're having a lovely time. How long are you there for?
Jaquaia
09-01-20, 09:16 PM
They only came back from Cruella today and are harder work as they have no routine there. Just put A to bed as she asked me to do stories.
Here until Wednesday
Is it "just" the not driving that is what is stopping you from moving in permanently?
Jaquaia
09-01-20, 11:32 PM
Making sure the children are ok with it
It sounds to me they already are, perhaps it would help all 4 of you if you put a date on things - E.g. you’ll aim to move in over the Easter holidays? That way you all know what you’re working towards, it’s not too far off that it feels like forever but it gives you all time to get used to the idea?
That's a good idea.
Hunni, the kids seem to love you and they know you already stay over.... Have you and J thought of talking to them about it?
Jaquaia
10-01-20, 09:00 AM
Actually... J already has. He asked T how he'd feel about me being here all the time at some point and he said he'd be happy with that.
So is there a plan of when?
Jaquaia
10-01-20, 09:25 AM
Not yet. We're trying to work it out with my driving lessons as Bob doesn't cover outside of Hull
Could you meet the driving instructor at a pickup and drop off point ?
Jaquaia
10-01-20, 11:25 AM
I've suggested my staying at my parents the night before. That way I can also still help them with housework and claim carers for a bit longer.
That sounds like a good idea sweetie, my concern would be the housework being left until you went it would leave a lot for you to do in a shorter space of time, am basing that on what you have said that they are relying on you totally at the moment and not being funny itms?
Angie makes a good point. Is that not just going to mean you doing everything in 2 days rather than being able to spread things out?
Jaquaia
10-01-20, 01:39 PM
They would have to do more themselves. I wouldn't be able to do it all on my own. To be fair, a lot of my dads pain is self-inflicted, between retiring and now, he's piled on 5 stone and I don't think his body is handling it well...
Any thoughts on getting a cleaner or a carer in to help them?
Then I think you’re going to need to have a list of things you’re prepared to do when you’re there and, if the rest isn’t done, it’s down to them itms
Maybe you could talk to them about it and maybe let your siblings know when you know when you are planning to move out?
Jaquaia
10-01-20, 05:41 PM
Possibly!
Just getting ready to set off for the panto! I'm excited!!
Strugglingmum
10-01-20, 06:05 PM
Enjoy the panto!!
Hope you had a brilliant time!
Hope you enjoyed the panto sweetie xx
Jaquaia
11-01-20, 10:16 AM
It was absolutely incredible!!! I was completely blown away by it. The villain was absolutely superb and I laughed so much. A spent most of the first half cuddled into me as the villain scared her. It really was amazing, loved it so much! Apart from the part were they started reading out audience messages and the last one was from J's parents, getting A and T a mention follwed by saying it was my first panto! (giggle)
OldMike
11-01-20, 02:22 PM
Oh no it isn't, oh yes it is (giggle), glad you enjoyed it must be 50 years or more since I last went to a panto.
Strugglingmum
11-01-20, 02:49 PM
Sounds like great fun. X
Jaquaia
12-01-20, 01:04 PM
Plodding. Stupidly wore heeled boots Friday night, then we took the children to the Railway Museum yesterday so now my ankles ache and are swollen. Just sat studying today
Easily done - I’m getting grief from Si after wearing heels Friday and being in agony yesterday :/. Did you have a good time with the kids?
Jaquaia
12-01-20, 01:39 PM
Friday night yes, yesterday... mostly. There are bits of A's behaviour that needs working on as she often doesn't listen and just does what she wants.
Lol, my kids are still doing that ;)
Jaquaia
12-01-20, 01:49 PM
The big one is running off in crowded places and near roads. It's dangerous and they've already had to lock down the museum around a year ago because she did just that and J's mum lost sight of her.
REmind me how old is she? Have you/J explained to her how much you love her and that you worry when you can't see her? What about a wrist strap?
Jaquaia
12-01-20, 03:17 PM
She's 4, nearly 5. T tends to be sent to keep up with her. I told J rather bluntly that it wasn't fair on T and she needs to learn that she doesn't run off near roads or further than she can be seen comfortably and that she needs to learn the word no too. She held my hand pretty much the entire time from coming out of the museum to the car park as I told her that if she runs off near a road she may end up being knocked over and she'd look like a pancake and everyone would be sad but she wouldn't be allowed in grandpas car as she would make a mess of his seats. Maybe not the best but it worked on New Years Day so thought I'd try it again
Sounds like she's never had that danger awareness drummed into her.
Jaquaia
12-01-20, 05:40 PM
No. J tries his best but I think he's still dealing with her shouting at him and being told he wouldn't cope without her. That coming from someone who, when A wouldn't stay in bed the beginning of the week, told her that if she got up, she wouldn't be allowed to go to the new house and would have to stay there on her own. A asked J's mum the next day if she would go visit her...
OMFG That's so horrific. That poor baby. All you can do is show her with love. I can't imagine anyone more perfect to bring her round. She needs you and I think you need her too.... Never underestimate how important you are to her and her development love.
Jaquaia
12-01-20, 06:34 PM
I'm still utterly appalled that she said that. It got brought up last night before she picked them up and even T asked why on earth she would say something like that.
Learning not to run near roads, not being out of sight etc ie danger awareness is something that is learnt gradually, from toddler years up to the end of primary school (actually, teenagers aren’t so good at it either). I wandered off when I was 6 and wasn’t found for an hour. You’re right, it’s not T’s responsibility to keep an eye on her - he’s still learning danger awareness himself at his age. It’s the responsibility of all adults caring for young children (inc grandparents) to teach these skills and, while they’re learning, to monitor carefully what the child is doing. Small kids do run off (and 3 year olds especially so, so I’m sure it wasn’t the first time the museum was in lockdown).
I appreciate her mother is bad at these things but A has had several adults caring for her . What I’m trying to say is that she needs teaching - gently - as all kids do, and it’s the role of every adult in her life to do that. And she’s still at the age where they do these things - she’s curious, not naughty. But A shouldn’t be blamed because, for instance, Js mum lost sight of her .....
Jaquaia
12-01-20, 07:08 PM
I know. I may not have children but I know. The point I was trying to get across, obviously poorly, is that sending T to chase after her isn't addressing that behaviour, it's allowing it to continue. And it's not fair that if T does have to grab her to stop her running further, she often hits/kicks/nips/pulls his hair. That is being naughty.
T shouldn't be expected to run and catch her - that just makes it a game!
That is naughty, and needs to be dealt with but ..... surely you remember you and your siblings doing the same?
Jaquaia
14-01-20, 11:49 AM
No. We very rarely hit each other and didn't run off either as we knew it was more than our life was worth.
Jaquaia
14-01-20, 01:54 PM
I'm ok. Busy doing uni work.
magie06
14-01-20, 03:09 PM
How are your aches and pains?
Jaquaia
14-01-20, 04:29 PM
Ok. Just achey. The weather probably isn't helping.
You don't sound OK to me love....
Jaq, you’re a talker, at least with us, and one sentence responses isn’t your style. Please talk
Jaquaia
14-01-20, 07:49 PM
I'm just plodding. Got a fair bit of uni work done. Ankles are swollen and achey. Don't want to go home. Usual really.
Oh hunni... I'm so sorry lovely..
OldMike
15-01-20, 08:42 AM
The weather doesn't help does it we need warm fine weather not cold, wet and gloomy.
Any more thoughts on driving lessons?
Jaquaia
15-01-20, 10:14 AM
I'm going to talk to my parents about staying there on a Wednesday night
Hold on, does this mean you're planning moving in soon with J and just spending one night at your parents for your driving? AWESOME!
Jaquaia
15-01-20, 10:31 AM
April. Provided T is ok with it :)
Can I ask why not till April?
April. Provided T is ok with it :)
I can’t see any reason why he wouldn’t be :)
Jaquaia
15-01-20, 01:00 PM
Can I ask why not till April?
That was my suggestion, purely to let them get to know me better. She moved her partner in really quickly and they're still not sure of him. I'm not putting them through that with me
But I think that you and he are very, very different. You are nurturing, kind, caring, lovely, and approachable and stable. He, from what you've said, is short tempered and not nice at all! Why not make a thing of it together in half term? :)
Jaquaia
15-01-20, 03:41 PM
I think it's us wanting to give him time to get used to the idea and give him chance to get to know me better and also give my parents chance to adjust to me not being here. It gives me time to go through my stuff too.
Fair enough - I wasn't meaning to second guess you or to push you, was just wondering as you seem so much more settled when you are there....
Jaquaia
15-01-20, 06:07 PM
I am. I work a lot better there too. I don't want to push it too quickly with the children though, and if I gradually spend more time there, they'll be used to me being there by April.
Jaquaia
15-01-20, 06:51 PM
Both sets of parents know. His parents seem really pleased, his mum said it will be like her birthday present. My parents haven't said as much. My dad said nothing at all and my mum said she was expecting it and it was ok for me to stay Wednesdays until I can drive. That was it. I got a snotty comment a little later about packing when I was sorting some stuff out in my room. That's it.
Oh, I'm sorry lovely. You deserve more than that.....
Jaquaia
15-01-20, 08:17 PM
I can't say I'm that surprised
Jaquaia
15-01-20, 08:26 PM
After everything I've been through, I would hope they are happy for me. He treats me incredibly well and it's obvious he loves me. What more can they want for me really?
Oh well. His parents are happy about it anyway!
I can understand them being worried about you, but I'd hope they'd be happy for you too... I'm sure they will be, but I'm sure they are trying to work out how they'll cope without you too... .
Jaquaia
15-01-20, 10:13 PM
What was lovely was T on Saturday. I looked after him while J took A to her dance class and while we were sat watching TV, he came out with "Dad said when you move in, you'll be bringing lots of books". He seems to have accepted me, apparently they both really like me, but I still want them to have a chance to know me better.
magie06
15-01-20, 11:03 PM
That's very understandable. I think you are right to wait. It's not going to be easy, I expect your parents may make things difficult. But you are stronger than you know, and you've got something wonderful awaiting you.
J’s parents seem like very loving, warm, kind people
Jaquaia
16-01-20, 07:58 AM
They seem to have really taken to me. They took me home yesterday and took me for lunch first. They done that a few times.
That's lovely!
I love what T said about you! It's a when not if! Sounds like you and T get on really well!
How are you today? Ankles? Wrists?
Jaquaia
16-01-20, 08:53 AM
We seem to have bonded over Man Utd! And I'll sit and talk to him and listen to him. He knows his mum doesn't like me but I think it helps too that J's parents talk about me and are really positive about me. T doesn't trust his mum but he trusts J and his grandparents.
Ankles are stiff and a little swollen. Hopefully it won't affect mt clutch work!
That's really sad that's how he feels about his mum.... You really are now and going to be so important in their lives.
Man U? Hasn't the poor boy suffered enough? (rofl)
Hope the clutch goes well ;)
Jaquaia
16-01-20, 09:00 AM
Cheeky! (rofl)
A demanded I did bedtime stories Thursday night and when she came down later, J said to her about getting her back to bed... "no! I want Kerry to take me!" (giggle)
Of course they’ve taken to you. You’re kind and loving. Who wouldn’t?
Jaquaia
16-01-20, 11:30 AM
I drove home again! And parked in a bay!!! Very few mistakes too, so chuffed!!!
Thats brilliant and its so lovely with J's children x
Go you! That's awesome! :)
magie06
16-01-20, 01:31 PM
You see! You are really amazing.
It's really very sad that T doesn't have trust in his mum. I know I've had problems in the past with my dealings with Ais, but in her whole life I don't think she ever didn't trust me. It's very sad that T doesn't have that.
But he will with you, and that's what's important.
Jaquaia
16-01-20, 05:21 PM
J messaged me to tell me the children were disappointed I wasn't there :)
Aww! So could you move the moving date forward? Maybe ask them? It could be such fun doing it in 1/2 term together....
J messaged me to tell me the children were disappointed I wasn't there :)
I don’t think you really have to worry about giving them them extra time to get to know you - they obviously already adore you and want you in their lives permanently
Jaquaia
16-01-20, 05:56 PM
Aww! So could you move the moving date forward? Maybe ask them? It could be such fun doing it in 1/2 term together....
Possibly. But it would be hard for me to get everything sorted what with uni work too.
what is there to do? Maybe writing it down will make is easier to get it right in your head itms?
Jaquaia
16-01-20, 06:44 PM
A lot of my books are packed as I never unpacked them when I moved back home and my clothes will be easy to do as I've already had a clear out and gotten rid of loads. DVDs, CDs, electrical stuff, uni stuff, candles/knick knacks, ornaments... just off the top of my head! First thing is getting her stuff out of the house
She's still got stuff there? Why?
Jaquaia
16-01-20, 09:09 PM
She's refused to collect it claiming she didn't have the room
Bonfire!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ETA: No, don't do that, that was a stupid idea and probably not legal too!
Jaquaia
16-01-20, 09:45 PM
(rofl)(rofl)(rofl)
She's moving in just under a fortnight, she's getting a house with the new bf (£300 a month more rent then she's paying now. It will be interesting if it doesn't work out as she can't afford that on her own...). She said she'll take her stuff then so we're packing up as much as we can over the weekend. There's only the loft, hallway and dvd's to sort now.
Glad its getting sorted, why not start packing a box a day of your stuff so it will be easier when you do move just things you dont use often or can get in and out the boxes easy.
YAY! Get rid of her sh(t! Make it yours and J's home with A and T!
How are you today?
Jaquaia
17-01-20, 10:53 AM
Glad its getting sorted, why not start packing a box a day of your stuff so it will be easier when you do move just things you dont use often or can get in and out the boxes easy.
I'm going to try and declutter as I do it. There's lots I won't need so might as well give it to the charity shop.
YAY! Get rid of her sh(t! Make it yours and J's home with A and T!
How are you today?
Well J spoke to T last night and he's said he's happy about me moving in! He said he likes how they got to meet me properly and how they've got chance to get to know me. She introduced them for all of 10 minutes then he was there all the time. He didn't like that, they're not sure about him at all.
I'm ok, just tired. Have got a wash in and going to do some reading for uni and then back at J's tomorrow night
Woohoo!!! I think they're very much looking forward to having you there to be a stable figure in their lives.
Pacing today? Good!
Jaquaia
17-01-20, 11:10 AM
I hope so!
T got my phone number from J at the weekend so he could send me stuff. I sent him a photo of a Man Utd teddy I have yesterday except it was seen before she actually dropped T's phone off with him...
I won't say we told you so!!.....But we told you so!!! The kids love you and your new life with them is taking shape. Re her 'left behind' garbage. If she doesn't take it go to a car boot and set up a table and flog it! That is of course if it's worth anything! Really pleased that all is well with you.(bear)
Jaquaia
17-01-20, 11:24 AM
It all looks like tat to me Flo! (giggle)
Thank you!
She’s going to see texts from you (though I never saw my kids texts). if she doesn’t like it she knows where she can stick it :@. You’re in their lives and she’s going to have to get over herself
Jaquaia
17-01-20, 12:17 PM
J isn't happy with her reading it. She even goes through his messages to his dad. She did that a few weeks ago and saw that T had begged his dad to go to him instead of her parents after school as his friend had left and he was sad and scared they would take the mickey. She went ballistic at him when he got up and asked if he wanted to live with his dad...
A was funny the other day though. She was at J's parents and his mum had a box on the bed A uses when they stay there.
"Granny, how will I get into bed?"
"Well I will have to move the box"
"Good because I want to stay here tonight!"
"I don't think mummy will let you"
"Let's just not listen to mummy" (giggle)
I know my kids have all had phones since they were in year 6 at school (the Easter holidays actually because they walked to school for SATs revision on their own), and they know that the "deal" for them having phones/laptops/tablets etc is that: "at any given time I have the right to ask for them to bring me any device I ask for and I will search through it." But I've never done it. It's like reading their diaries or listening to any private conversation.... That's horrible.
What did T say when she asked if he wanted to live with his Dad?
Jaquaia
17-01-20, 02:04 PM
She has no need to police his conversation with his dad. To me that is a gross invasion of privacy.
He hasn't given a straight answer, but when J told him that he would have him all the time if he could, T's reply was that he would still want to see his mum but she'd take it as him wanting nothing to do with her...
I wasn't meaning to imply there was a need to police it - sorry...
He shouldn't feel like that!
Jaquaia
17-01-20, 05:16 PM
No I know lovely! I can understand wanting to check his convos with his friends, he's only just turned 10, but checking his convos with his dad is out of order.
J has told him I sent him a message and he's excited about getting the teddy :)
Jaquaia
17-01-20, 08:34 PM
Well T has asked for me to go tonight instead so on my way to J's now!!!
How are you doing, lovely lady?
You're quiet - is that because things are good or because they aren't that good?
Jaquaia
21-01-20, 09:07 AM
I'm tired. J brought be home last night, though he really didn't want to, and I've been up since 7 as had blood tests this morning. Going to have breakfast and do a couple of hours work and will reply in full later.
Why did you go home last night? Are you OK?
Has the timeframe changed for moving in?
Jaquaia
21-01-20, 10:32 AM
Because my appointment was really early this morning. I'm ok, just wish I was there
Has the timeframe changed for moving in?
Not at the moment but we are starting to move my books across at some point over the next month.
You sound so sad... How was the appointment?
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