View Full Version : Chapter 2: the book addict rejoins the world
It's got nothing to do with organisation though.... What do his parents/best friends think? I just don't understand it at all...
Ian used to be like that until I had it out with him! Up until a few years ago he'd get C cards that were addressed to him only, and the inside to him only!! Then he sent cards from just him!!! as if I didn't bloody exist!! I was hurt and furious. I've gotten used to the fact that his best friend is a woman!! I asked him if he was ashamed of me or something and he didn't understand what I meant....well he does now!!
Jaquaia
08-12-19, 08:32 PM
That's something I pointed out to him tonight Flo. That it took him a year to introduce me to his best friends despite knowing for 6 months or more that it was getting to me, that I've been kept a secret for a year and still feel like a secret as I feel like I can't even tag him when I share photos on facebook, that most people he interacts with on there don't even realise he's separated, let alone with me. He hasn't even had a proper conversation with one of his best friends about it all.
That's really weird.... And I'd be in pieces about it....
I've lot count of the number of times I've challenged him on this
Yes but how much? Have you insisted? Have you set ultimatums? I know I sound dramatic but just telling him it upsets you might not be getting through to him. I know you don’t want to be like Cruella is with him so I’m concerned that he just doesn’t get how much it’s all upsetting you.
Oh, and just what would happen if you tagged him on fb? The people that matter know ....
Jaquaia
08-12-19, 08:53 PM
He says he does, he can read me really well. I even flipped it tonight and asked how he would feel if our positions were reversed and he didn't really know how to answer that but said he understood my point
And I honestly don't know. I've asked him about being able to tag him and even about going fb official, then he has access to our photos too. At the moment he asks me to send him pics if he wants them, like the other week when he told Thomas which was awkward as I was in the middle of an assignment. Not really had a straight answer...
But is he going to do something about it?
Jaquaia
08-12-19, 08:58 PM
Sorry, was editing. Time will tell. It was his mums suggestion to tell him what was happening as he was panicking about time as A has dance class, T is having his hair cut and it's the Christmas light switch on in the village
Thing is this is something that should come from him, not his parents....
Jaquaia
08-12-19, 09:50 PM
He probably rivals me when it comes to overthinking about things and panicking about things.
Rather than go through months of posts I'll ask.....I take it 'cruella' knows now that you're in the equation? The kids know, his parents know, so what is there to hide anymore? Why the big secret? By the way, the true reason that Ian was jolted out of ignorance is because I threatened to leave him!! I even got out a suitcase - thank God he didn't call my bluff! - while he was going half frantic I told him that he wouldn't miss me at all because in his eyes I wasn't there anyway!! Blokes! what goes on in their heads?
Jaquaia
09-12-19, 09:31 AM
He told her a couple of months ago but only told T a couple of weeks ago. A doesn't know yet, J said it will be better letting her just meet me. His parents asked to meet me before Cruella had even moved out (giggle)
I posted a photo of us on fb but didn't tag him and a mutual friend replied "I wonder if his wife knows". This is my point, he says the important people who he deals with in real life know, but this is someone he frequently interacts with. So as far as the world knows, he's happily married to her and that hurts
Ouch!!!
How are you today lovely?
Jaquaia
09-12-19, 10:16 AM
I'm ok. Tired though. Was Christmas shopping at 1am this morning as I couldn't sleep
(panda) I thought I was the only one who did that! :)
I've thought about severing my index finger because it keeps dragging itself over to (yawn)(yawn) the Amazon 'Buy Now' button! It's stronger than I am and it always wins!(yawn)
Jaquaia
09-12-19, 03:02 PM
I've thought about severing my index finger because it keeps dragging itself over to (yawn)(yawn) the Amazon 'Buy Now' button! It's stronger than I am and it always wins!(yawn)
(giggle)
How are you doing Jaq?
I think I'm fed up of everything at the moment. J was at Abbie's dance show yesterday with Cruella who had a go at him about multiple things and she's carried it on today after Abbie's nativity play. In fact, she picked up a box of her stuff and ended up pushing over Thomas's baseboards for his layout in a rage. I just asked him when will he learn his lesson about going to the childrens things together!
I can understand they both need to go, but couldn't they go separately? Surely he could just offer to drop off her sh*t so she doesn't step foot in the house?
Jaquaia
09-12-19, 03:27 PM
I've said that today. She's taking the (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) now. She's a horrid bully and I can't wait for karma to bite her in the arse
Bless him...he's finding it hard to let go isn't he? I can't help but agree with Suzi, to avoid conflict, heartache and unnerving the kids and making them miserable I think it would be wiser to go to the kids' events separately. It makes you miserable too because you have to hear it all and you have no control over it! She certainly is a nasty bit of work isn't she?
Jaquaia
09-12-19, 05:16 PM
She's a horrid piece of work. She's been seeing someone for around 4 months (or so she says) she's made the children stay at his house several times, he's always staying there, they've met his daughter, they're always kissing and cuddling in front of them and T is really struggling with it all. It's going too fast for him. J told her that yesterday and she just said he hasn't said anything to her. No! Because he's too scared to!!!
Oh and now she's talking about moving in with him...
J says he's trying to do the right thing but like I pointed out, the children are having to witness it all and it's not good or fair on them.
What I don't understand is that if all this is going on, then why is he being so strange about introducing you etc and making you and he properly public and why is he hanging on to her? There's no need for them to go together to anything, they aren't the first set of parents to separate and still want to both go to school events etc I just don't understand it and it must hurt so much with him telling you all this, but all 3'rd hand as you aren't public.... I don't know how you're dealing with it.
Jaquaia
09-12-19, 06:56 PM
Apparently the school put the nativity tickets in A's bookbag so Cruella had them. And she was supposed to meet him there for the dance show but she decided to take A to rehearsals beforehand as she needed make up doing. As it was, she was screeching at A so J ended up doing her eyeliner!!!
It does hurt and he doesn't seem to understand it but he's been told I want to be properly public by the new year as I'm fed up of it all now
And do you think it will happen by the new year? I do think you are right though. Its time.
Jaquaia
09-12-19, 07:36 PM
It had better. Enough is enough now
Good. Really good to hear!
Well done Jaq. I am so proud of you for standing up for yourself. You really do deserve so much better than this!
Jaquaia
09-12-19, 08:59 PM
I'm realising that
That's one of the best posts I've ever read.
Jaquaia
10-12-19, 06:05 PM
I'm ok. Tired. Done some reading for uni and the majority of my Christmas shopping has arrived so going to wrap them tonight.
The Christmas shopping can be wrapped in a relaxing way. So I hope you can take it easy tonight. I was thinking about the things you posted today and I do wish that it will get better soon. You deserve it. Yes you do.
Jaquaia
10-12-19, 09:29 PM
Wrapping done while listening to Roxette :(
Well done for getting the wrapping done!
Roxette - so sad...
How are you today lovely? What's on your agenda today?
Jaquaia
11-12-19, 09:03 AM
I'm tired. Struggling to get to sleep much before 1am the past few mornings. No idea why!
Plan today is start the washing, do some uni work, cuddles with J before he goes to work and writing Christmas cards!
Could it be because you've got lots going on in your head right now?
Sounds like a good plan for today. Cuddle him like crazy :)
magie06
11-12-19, 11:42 AM
Enjoy your cuddles! (inlove)
Jaquaia
11-12-19, 12:11 PM
Could it be because you've got lots going on in your head right now?
Very possibly.
Anything you can do to get things out of your head?
Jaquaia
11-12-19, 12:23 PM
I don't know. I tend to just get on with it, which I know doesn't always end well.
On the plus side, meeting the children on Saturday and not actually nervous.... yet!!!
magie06
11-12-19, 01:00 PM
That is brilliant news. I really hope you have a great time with them.
It’s going to be fine, they’re going to love you :)
Jaquaia
11-12-19, 02:01 PM
I guess I'll find that out on Saturday!
I agree with Paula on this one for sure. After what those children have to endure with the boyfriend and mother you will be a breath of fresh air. And for more then one reason. You look at other people and care what they need and want. So that will be a new experience for them instead of selfish people. You are warm and friendly. Also something new. They might need some time to get used to it. But you will be great for them I know.
The others are right. You are amazing!
Jaquaia
11-12-19, 07:57 PM
I don't see it!
My mum and dad bought us a Christmas card as a couple. I may have gone a bit girly over it (inlove)
We do and so will the children.
Thats so sweet :)
Jaquaia
11-12-19, 09:16 PM
Interview week!!!
I LOVE interview week!!!!
Jaquaia
11-12-19, 09:44 PM
Really hoping Lottie gets the push!
You'll have an amazing time with the kids...agree with Mira on this, you'll be a breath of fresh air. Small kids don't complicate things like adults and they live in the moment. They'll be so excited. Just enjoy them and be excited with them. I expect you've got a few pre Christmas goodies for them.(nod)
Jaquaia
12-12-19, 08:31 AM
I haven't actually as I expect it would be classed as me trying to buy them from a certain spawn of satan. I have, however, bought them both a Christmas present and T a birthday present;)
Really hoping Lottie gets the push!
YAY!!!! Did you see the look on her face! Didn't have her costings - left them out somewhere else, my arse! I just don't think she had them!
Sod what she thinks! You're just a kind and thoughtful future step mum that's giving presents to your future step kids! Besides, you won't win in her eyes either way...if you treat them you're trying to muscle in, and if you don't, you couldn't care less!! It's got to be better than the kids witnessing snogging and groping!! Ugh! where's the bucket?? Go with your gut and give them a great time on Saturday!
I’d take something small for them too - it’ll show you’ve considered them ...
Jaquaia
12-12-19, 11:17 AM
YAY!!!! Did you see the look on her face! Didn't have her costings - left them out somewhere else, my arse! I just don't think she had them!
And she got fired first!!! That made my day!!!
What are you all thinking? A book? Sweets? Help!!!
PS...
I JUST DROVE HOME!!! (party)(party)(party)
I know! It was priceless! Haz and I high 5'd! :)
Go with a book - that was your first thought, but if it feels right get a book and some sweets.... F*ck what others think, do what feels right! You know this. You've got this.
WOOOHOOO for driving home! You're amazing!
Jaquaia
12-12-19, 01:22 PM
Do you think Northern Lights would be acceptable for a 10 year old?
magie06
12-12-19, 01:34 PM
That would be perfect! And woo hoo on driving home. I've said it once and I'll say it a thousand times, you are AMAZING! (party)(party)(party)
Jaquaia
12-12-19, 02:38 PM
Ordered. And ordered A a Julia Donaldson book
Getting nervous now...
(party)(party) that’s two things you’ve done today that have been awesomely brave!
Jaquaia
12-12-19, 04:00 PM
J has told me not to get them anything so I've cancelled the order and just really starting to flap and panic now. He said he knows his children and I don't need to do that and besides, I'd be accused of trying to buy them. So... sweets?
I'm starting to get upset with myself as I feel like I'm messing up already.
You’re not messing anything up, you’re trying to do your best in a tough situation. I’d hope he could appreciate that ....
In no way did you mess up. Being thoughtfull and nice is never messing up in my book. I liked that comment that Flo made earlier. How if you get them something it might be seen as a bribe and if you dont you could not care less. Sadly everything can be turned around. But over time we see how people are and in your case thats something good.
You do care and that is one of your strengths.
I cannot understand him at times you know! I would have thought it would have been a lovely gesture.....
Jaquaia
12-12-19, 07:18 PM
I can only assume he meant just be myself...
Also... why on earth would Cruella's mum add me on fb???
WTF? Don't accept or decline - if you decline they can ask again, if you leave them there then they can't....
But you taking books to children is you being you! :)
Jaquaia
12-12-19, 07:38 PM
J thinks they've been snooping and done it accidentally but it's set my anxiety sky-rocketing
J might be right. Ignore it, hunni, and be grateful that you’re way above doing things like that ....
I can totally understand it, but love, you aren't doing anything wrong. Besides, she's just jealous! :)
Jaquaia
12-12-19, 09:05 PM
I've decided to just read tonight. I wouldn't have been able to focus on uni work.
Have you told him how much this has upset you?
Jaquaia
12-12-19, 10:13 PM
I've told him it rattled me but I think it's anxiety hangover now.
That's understandable.... (bear)
Yes it is so understandable. And its nothing to feel bad about. They are weird horrible people.
Jaquaia
12-12-19, 11:59 PM
Got 2 assignments back today, 100 and 99!!! To be fair, the first one was a pass/fail thing but the second one... I dropped one mark!!! One mark in an evaluation table and full marks on an essay!!! I'm over the moon!!!
Am so proud of you! That’s incredible! You are awesome :) But I never doubted you
Jaquaia
13-12-19, 08:42 AM
I never expected to do so well as this was more science based in parts.
When are you going to believe in yourself?
Jaquaia
13-12-19, 09:26 AM
Sarah said the same to me last night...
That's amazing!!!! Well done love! I'm so proud of you!
Jaquaia
13-12-19, 05:48 PM
Christmas has arrived!!! Lights and decorations are up!!! And I killed a snow globe. I shuck it (is shuck even a word?) and the glass bit went flying... at my mum... there's craft herpes everywhere! And I've knocked the soundbar too... That's no longer working... successful day really! (giggle)
Go you! That's brilliant....
Jaquaia
13-12-19, 09:18 PM
Cruella is insisting on having the children tomorrow since J is back at work on Sunday so he's just asked if I want to stay from tomorrow instead of Sunday... which means even more time with the children...
Not panicking. Who said anything about panicking???
You will be awesome and they will ADORE you!
Jaquaia
13-12-19, 10:53 PM
Trying to keep calm, I'll probably be a nervous wreck in the morning. Bed and settle with a book soon.
Well I got up early today but I hope you slept real good. I am hoping the nerves will be better once you are there and you are all together. And that you will settle in a normal kind of flow soon enough. And enjoy the weekend :)
We’re by your side, love, it’s going to be amazing, I’m sure :)
Jaquaia
14-12-19, 10:31 AM
I'm feeling sick. I know I'm overthinking things but I can't slow my head down.
Allalone
14-12-19, 11:28 AM
Slow deep breaths. Try and do something to take your mind off it even just for 10 mins.
The kids will love you.
magie06
14-12-19, 11:48 AM
Hey, slow down. If people from all over the world love you then those kids are going to agree with us. You are panicking because it's an unknown to you. Go through it step by step. What time are the children arriving? Will you be there before them? Can you maybe be doing something and just say hello and go back to doing that again? Just a suggestion but your hands will be busy and you might be a little less stressed.
Jaquaia
14-12-19, 11:56 AM
Slow deep breaths. Try and do something to take your mind off it even just for 10 mins.
The kids will love you.
Thank you. Really appreciated(panda)
Hey, slow down. If people from all over the world love you then those kids are going to agree with us. You are panicking because it's an unknown to you. Go through it step by step. What time are the children arriving? Will you be there before them? Can you maybe be doing something and just say hello and go back to doing that again? Just a suggestion but your hands will be busy and you might be a little less stressed.
J and A are picking me up from Beverley station and his mum and dad are meeting us with T as they've taken him to have his hair cut. We're going to a café up in the Wolds which does amazing, locally sourced food.
Trying with the deep breaths. My hands are starring to shake
Bet you're having a lovely time. Breathe and know you're amazing and they'll love you!
I’ve been thinking of you all afternoon but I’m not worried, I know it’s going great
Jaquaia
14-12-19, 07:09 PM
Ok... you were all right. Abbie seemed to take to me straight away. In fact, had hugs from her! Thomas was a bit more wary but warmed to me more once we were back. J has just taken them to her.
Told ya :) I’m so happy for you :)
Will you start believing us now????? So, did you like them? :)
So when are you seeing them again? Did you take them anything in the end?
magie06
14-12-19, 08:42 PM
I hope that you enjoy cuddles with J when he gets home.
Jaquaia
14-12-19, 09:02 PM
I thought they were lovely! Not sure when I'm seeing them again, hopefully before Christmas. I didn't take them anything in the end.
I'm glad you've met them - definitely see them again before Christmas! Take them out to see the lights on the houses or something and then back for a hot chocolate! :) Magic
Jaquaia
15-12-19, 12:20 PM
We watched A Muppet's Christmas Carol and A made me sit next to her. We went to the Christmas light switch on at the village pond and A chose to hold my hand and for me to carry her at one point so she could see. T disappeared upstairs when we got back and J told him he couldn't stay up there all night as it was rude. I just asked him questions about what books he liked reading and talked about Man Utd and within a short space of time he was showing me things and asking me things. It really was lovely. I feel so at home in the village and I love the children, I think they're awesome
Sounds like you fit in straight away :)
I am so happy you had this experience with the children. I know we all said that it would go well. But that does not take away the anxiousness and stress as good as A holding your hand.
You deserve all of this.
Jaquaia
15-12-19, 05:15 PM
Thank you!
Your post has made me cry! I love that you're so happy!
Jaquaia
15-12-19, 06:20 PM
I never thought I could be this happy. The one issue is Talia, my mum won't be able to cope with her when I move out and I can't bring her here as she hates cats, so my mum has asked Sarah to have her...
Jaquaia
15-12-19, 07:16 PM
Yep. My mum trusts her more than my sister
Talia will be easier, I think, than Max .....
What has she said about it? What do you think?
Jaquaia
15-12-19, 09:18 PM
That's what I was thinking, and she loves her. Nobody gets a look in when she visits
I'm not keen on Talia going to my sister, and maybe it will be good for Sarah too. I'll miss her though
What does the cat think of dogs? I only ask because some dogs hate cats they come across outside, but learn to live with their feline siblings itms
Jaquaia
16-12-19, 05:38 AM
The cat couldn't live with another cat but not sure about dogs.
Sarah said yes.
It might be worth thinking about.....
Jaquaia
16-12-19, 11:42 AM
I've thought about it a lot. I'm not sure I can trust her and when both pets are used to the full run of the house, it's not fair to suddenly restrict that. They may be ok but is it worth the risk?
With care, you can introduce them safely, and if it’s obvious it’s not going to work, then you can make a decision about next steps
Jaquaia
16-12-19, 01:15 PM
I'm not convinced. And J would rather I didn't bring Talia as A is scared of dogs. I don't think I can make the right decision no matter what I do.
OldMike
16-12-19, 03:55 PM
If A is scared of dogs taking Talia with you may not be the best option, it is as you say a very difficult decision to make with no right or wrong answer. What do the children think?
Jaquaia
16-12-19, 04:05 PM
It hasn't been discussed with them yet with me only just meeting them. They've always been around cats so I'm not sure how a dog would go down
Jaquaia
16-12-19, 04:26 PM
I'm ok. Taking advantage of the peace and quiet at J's but struggling to settle to my assignment. I keep getting up to do other things as I'm feeling a little agitated and jittery. On the plus side, Thomas has told his grandad that he likes me :)
Hooray! Not that I thought there was any risk of him not liking you!
Do you know why you're agitated and jittery?
Jaquaia
16-12-19, 05:05 PM
I don't. I get like this occasionally. Currently have Toby rubbing himself against me and purring in the hope that I'll feed him...he can wait until I have mine otherwise he'll be trying to steal mine too! I'm talking paws on my plate trying to pull my food to him and trying to eat off my plate...
Is there something that helps when you get this way? Or is it something that has been building up?
Jaquaia
16-12-19, 07:31 PM
Extra meds but I've forgotten to bring some with me...
OK so you don't have access to the meds. Can you try mindfulness or meditation?
Don’t think I’m being facetious as I’ve found it really, really helps me - camomile tea? (Twinings do one with honey which sweetens it up).
Jaquaia
17-12-19, 05:51 AM
I helped J clear his workshop ready for a carpet going down which helped. May have to try the chamomile tea with honey, can't drink normal chamomile as it's vile!
What's on the plan for today?
Jaquaia
17-12-19, 10:44 AM
Designing an ePoster... 500 words, OU Harvard referencing on the psychology of group decision making... please kill me now???
Can you take it one baby step at a time ?
Jaquaia
17-12-19, 12:46 PM
I have the layout sorted, a title and most of an outline...
I don't want to do it! Really not enjoying this module so far!
What's the module? How's it going?
Jaquaia
17-12-19, 06:05 PM
Investigating psychology. It's the module that leads to the degree being accredited by the BPS so compulsory...
About 150 words left and editing to do!
Well done love! You're awesome.
See? Have faith in yourself
Jaquaia
17-12-19, 06:22 PM
I've proved time and time again that I'm more capable than I think yet every time I hand something in I'm convinced I'll fail. I' don't know why I don't believe in myself
Think logically and trust the evidence
Jaquaia
17-12-19, 06:28 PM
It's completely unfair that you're using my words against me!!!
That is something we all do real well here :)
Jaquaia
17-12-19, 07:10 PM
I've noticed!!! :P
It's gone!!! All submitted and a day early!!! (party)
Woohoo!!!!! Well done love! That's brilliant!
Awesome, and I am sure its a good piece of work that you did.
(rofl) well, if you do it to me, expect it back!
Jaquaia
17-12-19, 08:37 PM
But... but... harrumph!!!
I'm glad it went so well with the children sweetie, but then always knew it would xx
Hope you've had a lovely day hunni...
Jaquaia
19-12-19, 12:37 PM
We went into Beverley for lunch and did some Christmas shopping then had a hot chocolate before we went home. Just wrapped presents last night and watched the Apprentice, I'm glad Carina won!!! Popping for lunch now then J is dropping me home and I have a driving lesson this afternoon
Sounds like you have had a good time sweetie xx
OldMike
19-12-19, 01:26 PM
We went into Beverley for lunch and did some Christmas shopping then had a hot chocolate before we went home. Just wrapped presents last night and watched the Apprentice, I'm glad Carina won!!! Popping for lunch now then J is dropping me home and I have a driving lesson this afternoon
My sister and bro in law were in Beverly just over a week ago was just a few days away in the motor home. Hot choc now ya talking, enjoy your lunch with James :)
We're glad she won too! :)
Glad you're having a good time. How long are you staying for?
I did not notice any doubt in your post. And it seems you are doing well. Thats so nice to see.
Jaquaia
19-12-19, 06:01 PM
I'm home now. Don't want to be and he never wanted to bring me back. Needs must though. T asked about me last night when J spoke to him, which was nice. And J's mum was surprised that A laid against me and let me brush her hair with my fingers, apparently she hates people touching her hair. :) I've suggested us taking them to the Deep before Christmas and I'm thinking about getting them to help me pick a plant for J's mum.
Got my last assignment back, 69. Not bad considering I hated that one.
Ooh! Not only did I drive in the dark, I drove in the rain too!!!
That is such a positive post sweetie, am so glad that things are going well for you x
So many positives!!!!!! Am so thrilled for you!!
Jaquaia
20-12-19, 08:32 PM
Going to the Deep with J and the kids tomorrow. I know it was my idea but being asked the night before has sent my anxiety sky-rocketing!
I understand that your anxiety would do that to you. And its ok. You also know that the kids like you and J too (inlove). So when you are with them it will fade as snow in the sun. You are more then ready to be part of this family.
You're going to have an amazing time! They'll love spending time with someone who actually gives a crap about them and what they like/think etc...
Pfft, yes your anxiety has climbed but you’ve got so many tools in your tool box now to deal with it. You’ve got this :)
Jaquaia
20-12-19, 10:31 PM
My anxiety levels aren't as well controlled as normal at the moment. I don't think it's helped by me being a little touchy over the children issue at the moment either
What is it that is worrying you over the children atm?
Sweetheart I totally get that but am betting it will be fine and you will build on the great start you had meeting them, and being in the deep will keep them entertained aswell
Jaquaia
21-12-19, 12:20 AM
Not so much his children as children in general
Jaquaia
21-12-19, 09:01 AM
Eleanor Grace arrived at half 2 this morning. 6lb 4.5oz. She's gorgeous. And I do feel excited to meet her but there's also a hell of a lot of pain knowing that will never be me...
Hunni that's a pain I wish I could take away for you. I'm so sorry (bear)(bear)(bear)
Jaquaia
21-12-19, 10:33 AM
It's something I need to learn to deal with
Have you ever talked about it in counselling? I know my cousin's wife has had counselling, but she says it still feels like she is grieving for the baby she's never had each time someone close to her has a baby.... There's nothing I can say to take that pain away.... But know you are loved and I'm giving you massive hugs right now.
Jaquaia
21-12-19, 11:05 AM
That's exactly how it feels. I'm happy for her but it feels like someone has my heart in a vice at the same time and there's a massive lump in my throat. It sucks. It's probably not helped that I've had so many tips on how to be around the children. Don't force it, let them come to you, don't kiss and cuddle in front of them as T struggles to deal with it, keep a lid on the affection in front of them for now... I may not have children but I'm not an idiot.
From what I have learned about you I think you have a natural ability to be great around kids. They always seem to find you when you are around. That is something that is hard to teach or learn. I am so sorry you have to learn and deal with it. When I see people that are able too and choose not to it seems so cruel when I hear this.
(panda)(panda)
One thing that does give me a smile is seeing how you still can be such a positive, warm and caring woman to others. When reading that you brushed her hair with your fingers while she normaly does not allow people to touch her hair. These are small things but ow so important. And will shape a long lasting loving bond.
Jaquaia
21-12-19, 11:49 AM
That's a lovely thing to say
For the record, I'd be bloody honoured to have you in my kids life and you know how protective of them I am! I know it's not the same, but I promise you that you are amazing and they are lucky to have you.
Mira is right. It's not about the big things, the big spends... it's about being there and doing things like combing her hair, talking to them, spending time with them, being interested in what they are doing - that's what makes memories, self confidence in them and the best Mum figure they could have in their lives. It's not about giving birth, it's about the rest of their lives....
Jaquaia
21-12-19, 03:59 PM
Thank you, that means a lot. The moment I walked in I was shown photos of Eleanor with Scarlett. My family don't get it, they've never been in my position so I don't know why I was expecting some sensitivity.
Had a lovely day out with J and the children. Abbie chose to hold my hand pretty much the entire time or was dragging me off to see things. I'll share some photos later
(bear) hunni but glad that you had a good day out xx
OldMike
21-12-19, 05:34 PM
That's lovely the children have really taken to you.
Why would she not want to hold your hand and to be with you? I've seen a post on FB about how you were playing hopscotch with her too? I can't see cruella ever doing anything like that with her. Be proud of the person you are and the amazing figure you are going to be in their lives.
Jaquaia
21-12-19, 06:16 PM
Yes, there's a small balcony area outside the upstairs part of the café and she kept me out there for ages playing hopscotch and she did try and get me playing hide and seek... a little hard when everything was glass... (giggle)
She actually refused to hold J's hand, she just wanted to hold my hand and show me things. I really enjoyed it.
Penguins!!!
https://www.dropbox.com/s/8cnp1c7ybh8axw6/20191221_131220.jpg?raw=1
View from the balcony outside the cafe
https://www.dropbox.com/s/tbzwwvemlhw4v4g/20191221_143832.jpg?raw=1
Love penguins! It sounds like you’ve already given her joy - never underestimate the value of that in a child’s life
Jaquaia
21-12-19, 09:18 PM
I hope so. J said they both really enjoyed this afternoon
Joy and wonder, interest and magic.... You're giving them everything and more.
Jaquaia
21-12-19, 09:47 PM
I'm not seeing that but I'll accept you think that.
Going to meet Eleanor tomorrow. Looking forward to cuddles and dreading it at the same time...
You are doing great. I am so pleased to hear that the children had a good time. It sounded like a good time.
Try to enjoy today with Eleanor (panda)
Allalone
22-12-19, 09:23 AM
Take care Jaq.xx
Hope today has gone well sweetie xx
Jaquaia
22-12-19, 08:11 PM
I'm ok, feeling a little flat and empty if I'm honest
Sorry babe, but know that we all love you so much!
magie06
22-12-19, 09:00 PM
Did you get any new born snuggles? How was Scarlett with her baby sister?
Jaquaia
22-12-19, 09:03 PM
I got lots of snuggles. Scarlett is completely besotted with her, she cried when we had cuddles as she wanted her back.
magie06
22-12-19, 09:10 PM
I saw your pictures, they are both soooooo cute. An aunty is the best - like a mother, only someone you can get into trouble with!
Jaquaia
23-12-19, 10:30 AM
Wish me luck! I'm going shopping...
Jaquaia
23-12-19, 12:04 PM
I survived! My dad decided against Asda so just B&Q! Bought J's mum a bromeliad and a gorgeous orchid for Christmas and grabbed them a box of biscuits locally. Just need to dig out gift bags and wrap a couple of things.
Well done! Marc's going about midnight tonight lol...
Jaquaia
23-12-19, 02:03 PM
(rofl)
I'm trying to get finished today as I'm at J's tomorrow until early afternoon Christmas Day. We're watching films with the children until they go go Cruella
That does sound like a nice way to spend the time. I do hope you will enjoy it togehter.
Jaquaia
23-12-19, 03:00 PM
I'm looking forward to it
Have you (they) sorted out the playlist yet ;)
Jaquaia
23-12-19, 04:19 PM
Not yet! I'm happy letting them choose though
OOOO Movie marathon! Love those! Best for snuggling - get a blanket and make it cosy. Add munchies and hot (warm) chocolate for a perfect memory making time!
Jaquaia
23-12-19, 06:02 PM
Munchies is definitely part of the plan. I bought a tub of celebrations today and we'll probably grab pringles and popcorn on the way home tomorrow
Awesome! That sounds awesome!
Jaquaia
24-12-19, 12:16 AM
J is so sweet!!! He's just apologised for not sorting me a Christmas stocking! (inlove) I told him I've never had a stocking so it isn't an issue but awwww!
Jaquaia
24-12-19, 07:16 AM
Never. It's not something my family has ever done
Awww... We don't do stockings, but Santa's elves always manage to leave the kids new PJ's on Christmas Eve, then Santa leaves them something to eat, something to read and some slippers! :)
How have you never had a stocking? That needs putting right next year!
Jaquaia
24-12-19, 11:41 AM
Just never have. It was always our presents sorted into a pile on Christmas morning
magie06
24-12-19, 12:57 PM
OMG it's part of Christmas here. Not to have a stocking is a travesty of humongous proportions. That will have to be put right next year. There is always a satsuma in the toe of our stockings. Plus lots of small things that are too difficult to wrap.
Jaquaia
24-12-19, 03:21 PM
Ok... there have almost been tears. The children have got me a Christmas present...
Aww! Have you opened it? Or are you going to be with them tomorrow?
That *almost* had me in tears too!
Jaquaia
24-12-19, 07:34 PM
They're with Cruella tonight. Going to open it with J tomorrow.
When are they seeing J and you over Christmas?
So you're going back to your parents tomorrow? Then when are you going back to J's?
So they are with the both of you tomorrow? I hope so. How sweet that they got you a present.
Jaquaia
24-12-19, 10:54 PM
J is taking me to my sisters arpund lunch then he's having the children
Jaquaia
24-12-19, 11:34 PM
Wow! Wasn't expecting to check my fb notifications tonight and find it asking me to confirm that I am in a relationship with James! We're publicly official now!!!! I didn't cry!!!! Just...
Things are moving your way. I am so happy for you. You deserve all of it.
I was so pleased to see that!
Happy Christmas lovely!
That made my eyes water a little too!
Jaquaia
25-12-19, 10:30 AM
Happy Christmas!!!
He finally succeeded in making me cry like a baby!!! My main present is handwritten lyrics to "If..." by Mark Morriss!!!! I'm completely blown away!!!!
Oh wow! That's so personal! Hope you're having a wonderful day.
Jaquaia
25-12-19, 03:53 PM
Is it bad that we arranged it so we only spent about half an hour at my sisters? With me and J, there were 23 people there...
Jaquaia
25-12-19, 04:19 PM
How cool is this?!?!? https://www.dropbox.com/s/mkfqtz68euvoh2x/20191225_104119.jpg?raw=1
That's very cool and very, very sensible!
Half an hour is pushing it if there's Portuguese cod around!!....(rofl)
Jaquaia
25-12-19, 08:31 PM
(rofl)
Jaquaia
27-12-19, 02:29 PM
T has been asking J when they get to see me next so J told him to be honest and asked if he was asking so he knew when or because he wanted to see me...
"I want to see her. I like her"...
I may have gotten a little emotional when he told me that! J asked if he'd like me to go with them when they go out for the day at New Year and he said yes so he's going to ask T if he's ok with me staying over to make things easier! I also got a lot of messages from Abbie yesterday too! She nicked J's phone and sent me her name followed by loads of emojis. Apparently she does that when she thinks about people :)
See! We told you they’d love you :)
OldMike
27-12-19, 05:18 PM
Awww that's so nice.
How sweet of them both. Sounds like you are all a great match :)
Told ya so ;)
You're going to be so important in their lives. You're awesome.
Jaquaia
28-12-19, 07:17 PM
Ok so truth be told, Christmas has been eventful!!! We had a lovely afternoon with the children on Christmas Eve. We watched The Grinch (Benedict Cumberbatch) and Arthur Christmas as I've never seen them, and ate lots of rubbish. The children seemed to enjoy it and so did I. It's when he dropped them off that it went wrong...
The kids should be with J from Monday afternoon once he's awake but she's booked tickets for the panto in S(swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)horpe for Monday afternoon without even checking it was ok with him as she'll need the children until evening. He asked if he could have them extra on Thursday as he's losing time with them on Monday and got told no. No discussion, just no. He tried to point out that he was losing time with them but was ok for her to have them longer as she wanted to do something with them and her response was if he starts messing around she'd go for full custody. At this point her new bloke came to the door and told her to stop arguing, tell him to f*** off and sort it later then went back into the living room... Apparently he was really aggressive with it too and J was livid. He told her that he never speaks to him like that again and he isn't having that language around his children. She said the kids were upstairs and he pointed out he was talking to them in the living room. It massively affected his mood for the rest of the evening and a large part of Christmas Day. She tried to bring me into it and he pointed out that I wasn't trying to interfere with sorting out arrangements for the children.
When she dropped them off on Christmas Day she bitched about me being there until he pointed out I had gone home and then she let slip that her bf had stayed, after she'd asked J previously if he was ok with that and he said no. She tried excusing his behaviour by saying that he was upset about not seeing his daughter Christmas Day. J said he sympathised but it doesn't mean he can elbow his way in and start dictating with his children. She's apparently told her bloke that if there's a repeat of his behaviour then he's out but I don't believe that for a second... Her bf has also complained that J was rude when he bumped into him outside the village shop. Apparently he was supposed to know who he was despite never having been introduced. Not sure how that works. He's also expressed concern about the children running in front into the shop without waiting for J. Into a small village shop where they know everyone who works there. In a small village. Where there is only one way in and out and that would be past J...
She's also complained about how much he texts T. She said it's infringing on her time yet T wants him to continue as he's doing. It turns out that T often doesn't bother replying when she texts him... And it turns out that T did hear her bf being aggressive with J as he's asked about it and isn't happy about it. She's had a go about him not sorting her a Christmas present from the kids either. Despite her not bothering as she claims his parents had already done it (she's left it until the last minute as I'd been talking to his mum about it a week or 2 earlier. And this is after I'd specifically started the conversation with T asking if he'd sorted anythingnfor his mum for Christmas and he said yes! T is also aware that she doesn't like me from her reaction as A keeps talking about me (giggle) She's an utter cretin!!!
Anyway, going to really (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) her off next year and help the kids sort her presents out (giggle)
Rant over!
And Thomas has said again that he really likes me! And their presents went down well. Apparently A giggled all the way through her book
What I am reading is that J's ex is so so selfish. It is sad that everybody around her is having to suffer because of it. The kids and J and you. She must have been a hand full.
But the thing I love about this post is that you and J do not need to go down to her level. You have each other and the kids seem to be so happy with you. Let the ex cause her own downfall.
Its sad for the kids. They deserve the best. And to be in the best stable surroundings. And that does not seem to be at there mothers. But then they at least have the dad thats a good influence and you. They are lucky in that way.
Jaquaia
28-12-19, 07:57 PM
The children deserve so much better. T is scared of her, no child should ever be scared of their mum. He's already told J that she doesn't shout at them when he bf is there, she takes them to one side and has a quiet word with them and when he's not there it's back to shouting. She's moving out of the village next month apparently, it sounds like she's moving in with him already so the children have had barely 3 months to get used to him...
Yes that is something that is universal. Or should be universal. That no child should be scared of any parent.
And it is moving fast for them. She does not seem to take the children into account at all.
I'd like to say I'm shocked, but from everything you've said about her I'm not surprised in the least!
This is why we've been saying that the children need you in their lives and the huge effect that you are going to have with them...
Make sure he's keeping a written record of all of this and get a copy to his solicitor!
This is so true. The kids are going to be so happy with you in their lives. A way more stable and kind influence.
Jaquaia
28-12-19, 09:04 PM
I'd like to say I'm shocked, but from everything you've said about her I'm not surprised in the least!
This is why we've been saying that the children need you in their lives and the huge effect that you are going to have with them...
Make sure he's keeping a written record of all of this and get a copy to his solicitor!
I dragged him across to his parents Christmas Eve night to get it logged. Everything is being kept there and the solicitor is being kept up to date. I just want to be the mother figure those children deserve. I know I will never be their mum but I intend to love them and treat them like they're my own.
This is so true. The kids are going to be so happy with you in their lives. A way more stable and kind influence.
All I can do is try my best and let them know I'm there for them.
I was taken aback on Christmas Eve by A. She threw herself at me for hugs and nearly knocked me flying and told me she missed me. And J and his mum are determined that I'm going to the panto with them all next month.
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