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Deej92
19-09-19, 02:24 PM
I've struggled with depression and anxiety throughout my 20s and I'm 27 now.

Recently I've finished some CBT sessions which I feel could have gone better for me, and I'm not taking anti-depressants even though I've got some tablets.

I know I can do more to help myself but it's just really difficult to have the motivation and energy to do it. I want to have a better job that I enjoy and be a better boyfriend and be a better person in general, but it's just tough.

So I hope that you guys on here may be able to help me, even if it's just somewhere where I can go when I'm feeling down and need someone to talk to.

Thanks for listening in.

Deej

Jaquaia
19-09-19, 02:34 PM
Hi and welcome. You will always find a friendly ear here. Can I ask what meds you have and why you're not taking them?

Deej92
19-09-19, 02:53 PM
Hi and welcome. You will always find a friendly ear here. Can I ask what meds you have and why you're not taking them?

Thanks for the welcome.

I'm on 40mg citalopram and no reason for not taking them other than a general lack of motivation to want to get better.

My girlfriend can always notice when I don't take them as I can be difficult to deal with sometimes when I'm feeling really down and I know it's not easy for her.

Jaquaia
19-09-19, 03:05 PM
That sounds like you take them sometimes but not consistently. That will certainly not be helping your mood as you'll be feeling the effects. I know how crap I felt everytime I switched meds.

You say a lack of motivation to want to get better yet you signed up here. Sounds pretty motivated to me ;) support is a major help in getting better. Having people understand because they've been there themselves makes a huge difference, I know it does to me. My partner can always tell if I've forgotten meds or even just having a bad day. Do you talk to your girlfriend about how you're feeling?

Deej92
19-09-19, 03:15 PM
Yeah I do take my meds on and off and that isn't going to help my moods, as I need to be taking them regularly for them to work. I know that yet I still don't always take them so I know what I need to do!

Support from loved ones is very important. I do talk to my girlfriend about how I'm feeling and she tries her best to understand and support me. It's frustrating sometimes as because she hadn't had it herself, I don't think she totally gets what I'm going through but I can't blame her and it won't be easy for her. I suppose I then worry that she'll get sick of me because she can't deal with it and that I'm not good enough and she'll find someone better.

I am a little insecure and paranoid and do ask her for reassurance all the time. I know I stop as it must be annoying for her and it will only push her away but I can't help myself. She's even said to me she doesn't want to be coming home every night not knowing what I'm mood I'm on. That really makes me feel that I'm not making her happy and that I'm not what she wants.

Jaquaia
19-09-19, 03:46 PM
Do you think that setting an alarm would help you with taking meds?

Have you heard of Time to Change? It might help if you showed her the website? It's a campaign which tries to help improve understanding of mental health conditions. Do you have any support other than your girlfriend?

Suzi
19-09-19, 03:46 PM
Hi and welcome to DWD.
Can you build taking your meds into your daily routine? It might help to take them better and more consistently? Or ask your GF to help prompt or remind you to take them?
Are you eating properly? Drinking enough?

Deej92
19-09-19, 04:22 PM
Thanks guys.

I'll show my girlfriend the website. Yes, an alarm would be a good idea to remind me to take my meds. In terms of diet, yes I think I eat and drink properly. I'm actually on a diet with Slimming World currently. I've only lost a few pounds but it's made me feel better. I'm not a big person in terms of weight but just wanted to do it to be healthier and support my girlfriend.

CBT has helped me learn a few new coping techniques but it's applying them that's difficult.

Jaquaia
19-09-19, 04:33 PM
I understand that completely. I've never had pure CBT but done bits in integrative counselling and still struggle to use what I've learnt when I have a bad day.

Deej92
19-09-19, 04:40 PM
It's like I've been taught to separate a thought from reality and to dismiss it and accept it as part of my life, as just a thought to make it less threatening. But that is easier said than done as your mind does concentrate on negative thoughts however hard you try.

Also I've been taught the evidence based technique of what the situation is, how it makes me feel, what thought I have and reasons for and against it. Almost like defence and prosecution in a court case but however much I try, it doesn't stop me from thinking in the way I do as I'm so used to doing it.

I've been given a few online websites to look at and I can refer myself back for more CBT if I wanted, although I was advised not too as I need to be able to manage without professionals which I guess is right.

Suzi
19-09-19, 04:55 PM
Have you tried things like mindfulness? I know it seems a bit of a cliche and the latest buzz word in mental health, but I can't tell you how much I find it helps me with my pain and my husband with his anxiety and depression and our daughter with anxiety too. You can try it with body scanning and breathing to start with...

Deej92
21-09-19, 05:58 PM
Have you tried things like mindfulness? I know it seems a bit of a cliche and the latest buzz word in mental health, but I can't tell you how much I find it helps me with my pain and my husband with his anxiety and depression and our daughter with anxiety too. You can try it with body scanning and breathing to start with...

I've not tried it. Will have to give it a go.

Had a bit of a setback today as this guy my girlfriend used to speak to messaged her out of the blue for the first time in ages this morning.

Now the number was unsaved and there was no reply from her and she deleted the messaged and blocked the number and assured me she'd not messaged him, but I'm still worrying about it.

It's the second time this has happened as another guy messaged her a few months ago. Again the number was unsaved and she didn't reply.

Really need to try and stop worrying about it as it's eating me away inside.

Paula
21-09-19, 08:45 PM
Hello Dee and welcome. Does your girlfriend know you’ve seen those messages? How does she feel about that?

Suzi
21-09-19, 09:13 PM
Have you spoken to her about how you are feeling about it?

Deej92
24-09-19, 04:53 PM
Yeah I've spoken to her and told her how I feel about the messages. She showed me the message herself as it was sent at 7am in the morning when we'd just woke up.

She assured me that she'd not messaged the guy and then deleted the text and blocked his number. I told her that it puts me on edge and I dread the next time a message might be sent to her. I also proposed that she changed her number but she said she would not do that.

I'm still worrying about it now but all I can do is accept her word I guess.

Jaquaia
24-09-19, 04:56 PM
Do you trust her?

Deej92
24-09-19, 05:13 PM
Yeah but I have my own insecurities if that makes sense.

Suzi
24-09-19, 08:44 PM
If she's blocked and deleted the number then surely she's done all she can? Asking her to change her number seems extreme and I know how much inconvenience it would cause me to change mine!

darkgirl15
25-09-19, 06:49 PM
Hi
I have also done CBT and found it didnt go well and to be honest I also dont think it worked. Its made me feel worse as I feel like its my fault it hasnt worked. Im looking for someone to talk to as well so if you ever want to just pop a message over. Will admit im new to forums and although im 23 im not the best at using much technology (think)
Darkgirl15