Hey, new here

[putsey]

Hi all you helpful people.

Ive never really done this before so not sure where to start. I'm feeling really low at the moment, I've been like this on and off for years but always felt like i managed to pull myself out of it but realising now i have never really and its all been a front.
I feel like I should be happier than i am and wondering why i feel like this as in many ways i am lucky, i have a beautiful daughter (4) who is my world, 2 step children who visit often, a loving boyfriend and am holding down a full time job which I love. But I feel a failure, that i dont belong anywhere, i have no sense of self anymore, i just want to cry every day over nothing. I am overweight and managed to lose 2 stone last year but lost my willpower and have now put back on a stone so dont even like what i see in the mirror.
I find im not putting my all into my work anymore which may jepodise my contract so i worry about it but dont seem t be able to do anything about it. I just cant motivate myself to do anything.
I find I am less patient with my daughter (and step children), i seem to be constantly annoyed with boyfriend where it starting to cause issues but i just cant stop myself. Over the years i have lost a lot of friends so do not have my social group anymore to talk to or even just have a laugh with.
I suppose i'm asking how to get myself out of this despair i am in? Everything good that happens i just cant enjoy it as i am constantly feeling like something is bound to go wrong and i wait for it.
Im sorry for waffling on and not making much sense but this is what i seem to be like at the moment. Hoping for some advice.

[Jaquaia]

Hi and welcome. I can relate to a lot of what you've said. Your first step is to speak to your GP lovely, they'll be able to help you and signpost you to counselling. Have you told your bf how you're feeling?

[Paula]

Hi Hunni and welcome. Firstly, you’re doing amazingly! You’re being a mummy while working full time - been there, done that and it’s a lot harder than anyone thinks. Just getting through each day is tough.

Jaq’s right, you need to see your doctor. You’ve made a big step coming here and admitting how you feel, Next one is telling your doctor and, if you haven’t already, your boyfriend. You can do this, I promise, but you need to have the tools to do that (support, medication, therapy).

[putsey]

Thank you for your replies. I did speak to my GP once last year when speaking about a health issue which is not really being addressed (just told to lose weight and take pain killers) He just told me to look on line at the local health website for support.
I've tried talking to my boyfriend, he just doesn't get it. He's not a 'modern man' who talks about feelings etc. He struggled when my mum died 5 years ago.
Life just feels so tough at the moment. Its a struggle to get everything done that needs to be done let alone things I want to do.
All my life, nothing has ever been about me, I struggle so much when the BF asks me what I want to do on a rare child free night. Everything I do is always for the kids or BF (he does get annoyed with me for doing this) but then i feel resentment for nothing being about me. I really dont make it easy for myself ;(

[Paula]

Hunni, please call your doctor - it may help to ask the receptionist if they have a mental health specialist at the surgery. Did you go to the website he recommended?

[Suzi]

Hi and welcome to DWD. Sweetheart being a Mum is tough, a working Mum is tough so you're doing great!
I promise you that you're doing better than you think you are!

Do go back and speak to your Dr - tell them what you've told us and tell them exactly how much you are struggling! Do you have any friends or family who can be there to support you at all?