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View Full Version : New here. Need help please *TRIGGERS*



Ibby
11-08-19, 04:08 PM
Hi everyone

Am looking for some advice. I think i have been depressed for over 20 years. I cant cope anymore.

To cut a long story short, i think i have been depressed for years. I used to gamble to escape. Then smoke weed, then drink now i take cocaine.

I have finally realised i have always been depressed and looking for ways to escape.

I dont want to carry on like this. My family is Asian so when i have said in the past i think im depressed they don't understand. They just say what have you got to be depressed about. I have an arranged marriage, which im not happy about either. I got married at 16, im now 40.

I hate my life. If im not at work, i spend the rest of the time in bed. I have no friends. I cant talk to anyone. I cant do this anymore. I went to the gp when i was about 20 and said i think im depressed. He referred me to the nurse for counselling. I went once,

Where do i go from here. Im going to ring mind in the morning. Do you think they can help me?

Thanks in advance

Suzi
11-08-19, 05:18 PM
Hi and welcome. Have you thoughts about going to the Dr again? Can I ask why you only went once to the last counsellor?
Mind might be able to help, but they can't sort medication or counselling which it sounds like you might need.

Are you happy in your marriage?

*Edited to add: I've deleted your other thread as it was a direct duplicate of this one and it's easier to keep track if things aren't in lots of places...

Ibby
11-08-19, 06:41 PM
Hi Suzi

I am going to go to the gp again. Im gonna have to. The reason i went to the counsellor only once, and it was probably my own fault tbh. I was young then, i was telling her about my unhappy marriage etc and things that i felt were getting me down and i just thought i can tell you all this but it doesn't change anything, the issues are still there so whats the point?

And no im not happy in my marriage. I have been married for 24 years unhappily now. :(

Suzi
11-08-19, 07:36 PM
Have you thought about any support groups for people who have unhappy arranged marriages? Do you have children? You know that the cocaine isn't going to be helping anything don't you?

Ibby
11-08-19, 08:01 PM
I haven't thought about any kind of arranged marriage support groups tbh. I have 2 kids.

And yes i realise cocaine is not the answer more the opposite. This is why i need to once and for all take some steps in the right direction.

With the marriage thing, it really is a tricky one. We are totally different people, worlds apart. I did not want to marry her even. Being truthful if i had got my act together years ago, ie counselling, meds i would have left years ago.

But due to my vices, i am not financially able to, so its a vicious circle.

Suzi
11-08-19, 10:52 PM
Does she know how you feel about the marriage?

Ibby
12-08-19, 09:44 AM
She knows, but to her family honour is more important than being happy in marriage anyway.

Suzi
12-08-19, 10:08 AM
I'm not overly familiar with the intricacies of honour and arranged marriages ending, but is she happy with how things are?

Have you managed to call your Dr and get an appointment?

Ibby
12-08-19, 06:25 PM
She is happy enough. Even though we sleep in seperate rooms.

I was off work today as its eid. Seen my mum etc but spent rest of day in bed. I didn't call Dr as i need to check work schedule for work. I will check tomorrow at work and call.

Thank you so much Suzi

Paula
12-08-19, 06:56 PM
Hi Ibby and welcome. I’m so sorry you’ve been struggling for so long. Depression is something that can affect anyone, regardless of age, gender, situation and, like any chronic illness, rarely goes away on its own. But you have made an important first step in deciding to see your doctor.

Talking to others that understand is hugely helpful so I’m glad you’ve found your way here :)

Ibby
12-08-19, 08:34 PM
Hi Paula and thank you

Already on here i feel so good that i can be open and honest. I have never had that before.

Suzi
13-08-19, 12:21 AM
Happy Eid!

Ibby
13-08-19, 06:01 PM
The gp surgery is an absolute joke for working people.
Im off work 23/08 and 12/09 next during the week.

They dont have availability for appointments on 23/08 so when asked about the 12/09 they dont even open the diary slots that far ahead. In 2 week increments.

1, it took an hour to get through
2, some people work so need to plan in advance.

Absolutely fuming. They dont want people to attend.

Need to ring end of August to try and get appointment on September

Suzi
13-08-19, 07:42 PM
Did they not have any "on the day" appointments? Can you try talking to the practise manager and explaining things?

Ibby
13-08-19, 08:14 PM
I will try but im not holding my breath

Suzi
13-08-19, 09:21 PM
Tbh as long as you have an appointment you will be working towards it each day - has to be better than not having an appointment at all?

Ibby
13-08-19, 10:08 PM
I know. You are right. It's just frustrating thats all.

Suzi
13-08-19, 10:11 PM
I know it is, but it's always better to call and be pleasant and understanding.... People would always be more willing to help you.

Paula
14-08-19, 12:26 PM
Have you managed to book something?

Ibby
14-08-19, 11:27 PM
No. What i am going to have to do is on 23rd August pop in for a code so i can register to book appointments online.
Then towards the end of August log in and book an appointment for 12th September.

I have dealt with it for so long whats another month? :)

Suzi
15-08-19, 07:55 AM
Can you not pop in sooner than the 23rd?

Ibby
15-08-19, 04:59 PM
Thats my next day off during the week, with their opening times, with my working hours i am unable to visit sooner.

Suzi
15-08-19, 08:34 PM
That's a shame... You can't call for an appointment or something? Call on the day and ask for a cancellation?

Ibby
15-08-19, 10:49 PM
Its fine suzi, even if i got 1,i wouldn't be able to do same day because of work commitments.

Its fine though, 23rd august is only a week away. And then 12th September only couple weeks from then.

I will survive till then im sure

Suzi
16-08-19, 08:51 AM
I'm sure you will! You can talk here as much as you want/need

Ibby
31-08-19, 02:50 PM
Hey everyone. Just to let you all know i have got the doctors appointment on 12th September.

I will let you know how it goes, and thanks so much for the support

Jaquaia
31-08-19, 03:56 PM
Brilliant! Remember to be as honest as you can with them.

Ibby
31-08-19, 06:38 PM
I sure will.

Strugglingmum
31-08-19, 07:04 PM
That's great news. X

Suzi
31-08-19, 08:19 PM
That's really great, you will pop on and let us know how it goes?

Ibby
07-09-19, 04:12 PM
Hi Suzi, I definitely will let you know how it goes. Whilst I am there I am going to ask for help for quitting cocaine too.
I have found a narcotics anonymous group near me so will go there too.

I said I would survive till I get this appointment but over the last 2 weeks I have felt the worst I have ever done. All I keep thinking about is death. I finished work yesterday at 5, got home at 6 and been in bed since, now it’s saturday 4pm and I’m still in bed. And I have also been thinking i have never been truly happy. The last time I was jhappy I was probably about 9 years old, just before my dad was murdered.

Jaquaia
07-09-19, 04:18 PM
I've added a trigger warning as your last post may trigger some people. Definitely nothing to worry about, it's more a "just in case" thing.

It may not feel like it but that is so positive! It takes a huge amount of courage to admit that there's a problem and even more to actively seek help. Well done lovely! If staying in bed is what you need to do to stay safe until you get that help then so be it.

I'm sorry about what happened to your dad. Did you ever get help to deal with it?

Ibby
07-09-19, 04:51 PM
Hi we never had any help or anything when my dad was killed. It was like 30 years ago. Back then it was different.

And I think because I am going to the go on Thursday I think my thoughts are just working overdrive, where normally I just block it out. I even cried before, I think the last time i cried I was a little boy.

My niece has just got married in Pakistan yesterday too but I donÂ’t even feel happy about it. I feel more sad.

Like I remember when I went to Pakistan when I was 15 and I think the last time I was 21. I was a quiet kid back then, I had nothing in common with these people and I didnÂ’t know these people so I barely spoke to them as I had nothing to say.
I remember my uncle saying this one is stupid and a mute, IÂ’m not stupid at all.

I still remember the hurtful comments they made. IÂ’m sure they donÂ’t but I have not been back since. I have not even spoken to him for 20 years. I canÂ’t forgive him.

The other farce was I was 15 wh

I was 15 when I got married they didnÂ’t put the date on the certificate till I was 20. Then took my payslips and applied for her visa forging my signature etc. ThatÂ’s how she came .

I think there is so much I have never got over and donÂ’t think I ever will. I hope they are all happy cos they ruined my life and donÂ’t even know it.

I have always kept it simple with my family since. Very rarely go round even for birthdays etc. I donÂ’t want to celebrate anything with them,

Jaquaia
07-09-19, 06:52 PM
That's an awful lot you've had to deal with. Have you ever had anyone to talk to about it all?

Ibby
07-09-19, 07:04 PM
First time I’ve told anyone today.

There’s more too lol.
The gp is going to think he’s drawn the short straw with me

Jaquaia
07-09-19, 07:52 PM
The GP will have heard all sorts before. There's a good chance they will suggest counselling at some point. Talking can help get things out of your head and can help relieve a lot of pressure. We will always listen

Suzi
07-09-19, 09:42 PM
You've opened up hugely today, be warned that can be exhausting! It can also feel like popping the cork on a champagne bottle with when you start getting it out of your head it's almost like you can't stop and have to get everything out...

Ibby
08-09-19, 07:08 AM
That is so true.
Yesterday when I was getting it off my chest made me feel a lot better.

Not long to wait for the GP appointment now
I was thinking if i am diagnosed and on meds etc should I tell my manager at work?

I am also going to have to tell her about the narcotics anonymous meetings as will need to finish early on Thursdays, and make up the hours

Suzi
08-09-19, 10:44 AM
I always think that honesty is the best policy and actually if they do know then they might be able to help you..

Ibby
12-09-19, 05:44 PM
I have been to the gp today. It went OK. He says because I am OK at work it is the situation I am in that it could be main causes. However he thinks there be underlying causes. He is happy to refer to talking therapy and try some meds. He has sent a prescription to the pharmacy I use. It goes automatically so am unable to say what he has prescribed until it is delivered.

At least we have the ball rolling now

Jaquaia
12-09-19, 05:49 PM
That sounds like a positive start. Well done lovely

Strugglingmum
12-09-19, 06:27 PM
Well done. That is a huge difficult positive step.

Ibby
12-09-19, 07:10 PM
He has prescribed me sertraline 50mg for 2 wks, with a follow up telephone consultation in 10.

I don't know if anyone has any experience with this med, ie best time to take etc

And thanks so much guys. It is the first time I have used this site or anything like this but it's you guys that make it an amazing experience. Thank you

Mira
12-09-19, 07:46 PM
Hello there Ibby,

I do not know about meds. I tried them once and was taken off of them because they made me way worse. Since then no meds.

But I wanted to say hi. I hide away a lot here but just popped in to say (y)

Ibby
12-09-19, 07:51 PM
Hi Mira

I'm open to giving it a try.

Thanks for msging

Mira
12-09-19, 07:53 PM
Being open to try is already very good. I would be too.

Jaquaia
12-09-19, 07:54 PM
Sertraline is a very common antidepressant. Side effects tend to wear off after a week or 2 and it can take 4-6 weeks for them to reach therapeutic dose and for you to feel any benefit, the same for any dosage increase. If you can't cope with the side effects then please go back to your GP. And if this one doesn't work for you, please don't give up. Sometimes it takes trying a few different ones to find one that works for you. It's very trial and error I'm afraid.

Strugglingmum
12-09-19, 07:55 PM
Hi Ibby I take Sertraline 100mg. I take it in the morning. When I first started it it made me a little nauseous for a short time each day but it was bearable. It soon settled after a week or so. I think they recommend you take it early in case it disturbs your sleep. It's just easier for me to have it with breakfast so I remember.
Everyone is different and different meds affect people differently so just keep an open mind, keep a note of any side effects and try keep a track of how your mood is. Any problems just get back to your GP. Don't stop them without talking to your GP. It can take up to 6 weeks before you may feel any different on them. I also find it useful to tell someone that I'm on New meds and ask them to let me know if they feel they see a change in my mood /anxiety as sometimes we are the last person to really notice a change. Anyway, I'm like you, not an expert, just my own experience. Hope it goes well for you.

Ibby
12-09-19, 08:14 PM
Thanks for the advice. Will keep you posted

Suzi
12-09-19, 09:25 PM
I am so glad you went and were open and are willing to try the meds and the talking therapy. That's hugely positive...

Ibby
11-05-20, 09:37 AM
Hi everyone

Just to update you all, I went onto 50mg sertraline and things were getting better somewhat.

Since lockdown I asked for the sertraline dosage be upped and I was prescribed 100mg. Now I feel amazing, I never have a down day, everything is better, I am cocaine free 17 days, Im working from home so lift weights during the day.
After work I walk 6 miles a day.

I even made a new appointment for healthy minds for a telephone consultation which was 9.15 today but yet again they called to cancel.

I just wanted to give you guys an update and thank you all for your help, I don't know where I'd be without it xxx

Suzi
11-05-20, 10:21 AM
That's all so brilliant! Well done for staying clean for 17 days! That's a huge positive and a great achievement!

Jaquaia
11-05-20, 10:50 AM
That's brilliant!!!

Paula
11-05-20, 10:51 AM
That’s a fantastic post!

Ibby
17-05-20, 02:51 AM
I just want to thank everyone on here, you are awesome and really helped me when I was low

Thank you so much for your support, you don't know how much it helped. Still clean by the way, cocaine doesn't cross my mind now.
Just sticking to my new routine. I appreciate lockdown has been bad for some people but it helped save me.

Thank you all again, I will keep you all posted xx

Paula
17-05-20, 10:43 AM
Glad to help - but you’ve done the hard work :)

Suzi
17-05-20, 11:07 AM
I can't tell you what a great big smile that gave me! Well done! As Paula says, you've done the hard work, we've just waved the pompoms as you've done it! You're awesome!