View Full Version : Depression, loneliness & excessive worry*SH Trigs*
Hey, I've been an introvert all my life which has been a major factor in my depression. I'm sure many can relate to the loneliness & insecurities that develop from being an introvert. I touched on this in my last thread which had over 114,000 views which indicates that many people can identify with this. That feeling of feeling completely lost in life with no direction. Everyone around me seems to have independence with a family, a job, a car & their own house. They have a foundation like a finely tuned GPS wereas I don't even have a rusty compass to work with. I've missed out on years of social development (blush)..
In the company of highly extroverted people it can feel like you're indirectly ostracized. Like they're somehow superior because of the adventurous lifestyles they lead in comparison. I found that out on a meetup group that I've been attending. But I think routine is important because it at least give you that exposure from which to improve upon. Depression is a disease of isolation after all. I've made improvements recently & even got into support work last year. But like many others, I desperately need a routine to keep my head above water. If only it was so f uckin simple to feel "normal" eh like most people (think)...
I think that you need to try other groups to meet up with. Maybe some with more similar interests to you or a more similar age group?
I think that you need to try other groups to meet up with. Maybe some with more similar interests to you or a more similar age group?
I'm gonna stick it out with this meetup as there's no other groups in bolton. I'm penciled in to meet with them on Thurs & Fri at a bar. There's around 23 people attending on these nights out so should be interesting!. It's not always the same people as they rotate on a waiting list but most are the same. The problem with me is as soon as I don't feel comfortable with 1 person I can't be myself at all.
A lot of them are very assertive & I'm very timid. I try to fake my confidence but it doesn't hold much weight. If I had a career like most of these people then I'd feel more assured but my support work has since dried up. I'm trying to get into admin to have another string to my bow but I'm not sure how. How are you supposed to find a sense of purpose if no one will give you a chance? (think)..
Why do you think having a career is the way to self confidence? If you’re an introvert, working won’t change that just as me not working since 2007 doesn’t change that I’m an extrovert. It’s just who we are and learning to accept who we are is actually the way to a sense of self worth and being comfortable in our own skin. I think you’re reaching for something that’s not you
Suzi’s right, you should be meeting people you have things in common with. Or maybe doing things that interest you - have you thought about doing college courses? - not for career purposes but just to develop your interests. Most of the training I’ve done over the years were to learn about things that interest me, not for career purposes
One thing I would like to point out is that no matter if we are introvert or extrovert. We all walk the same life. Have the same troubles and worries. But also can enjoy the same good things in life.
One friend I have was always the coolest. Talked to people when we were young and going out. Always the nicest and most lovely girlfriends.
Now he is married and the sweestest daughter ever. But when we talk he has worries. About work. The house. Money. Coworkers.
The only difference is how we deal with problems and issues. I think you and I are a bit the same and I have finaly told myself I need help.
I do not think that work can change you from being introverted to extroverted.
I myself am trying hard not to aim for that at all anymore. As it seems like a unreachable queste. I am going to try and find the strenghts I have inside me and try to grow and love those. I believe thats where the most personal gain is to be found.
Well I attended my 3rd meetup last night with about 15 people for a night out. I was dancing my back off all night on the dancefloor & even put the more reserved people in the group to shame with my confidence!. The group organiser even said she's surprised how I've come out of my shell as I was quiet on the last 2 meetups. She's really lovely & even bought me a sambooka (blush). We got on well & she hugged me before the group departed after 2am. I'd love to have someone in my life like that. She's so lovely and has an amazing zest for life.
I'm glad I stuck with the group as I now feel a sense of belonging after last night. I surprise a lot of people on a night out with my confidence which is in stark contrast to how I am at home (nod). I had 5 half lagers, 1 half cider & a sambooka. I felt really depressed later on but without that dutch courage I would never have had such an amazing night on the dancefloor. I finished the night on a low with my cousin who is a dick head. He doesn't stfu about how no one messes with him & belittled how slim I am. I loved my night with the group & its typical of that arse hole to bring me down (think).
It's great you had a good time. But again that's a fair amount of alcohol..... Why hang around with your cousin if you don't like how he is?
Well done for letting yourself enjoy the night but that amount of alcohol is going to affect your depression. I hope that you’ll be able to see that it was you, not the alcohol, that gave you that courage
It's great you had a good time. But again that's a fair amount of alcohol..... Why hang around with your cousin if you don't like how he is?
I've not been out with him in ages & it reminded me why!. It's funny how people change over time. This guy was once my drinkin partner & now he's gained more confidence he's become arrogant & intimidating.
He lies as well like braggin how he has sex with women in clubs. He now hangs with my obnoxious brother. I don't feel free at all around these people. It felt liberating in the meetup group because they're people who don't bring me down & are really inspiring in what they do (bow).
Well done for letting yourself enjoy the night but that amount of alcohol is going to affect your depression. I hope that you’ll be able to see that it was you, not the alcohol, that gave you that courage
ye I didn't drink for about a year prior to 2 week ago. On a bank holiday though its not easy to resist on a night out. I only drink until I'm merry to help my confidence & I love a dance lol (blush).
I could have gone out today with my mum but I stayed in. I feel like I've made some kind of breakthrough in socialisin of late but I need to sustain it. When you've tasted positive interaction you want more of it. I just need a regular routine in between these meetups. Everyday I'm applyin for jobs & voluntary (think)..
Have you thought about going into a charity shop or so and asking? What about something like bar work? How are you finding the volunteering positions? I've had a quick look and have seen a fair few....
http://www.band.org.uk/
https://www.boltoncvs.org.uk/
https://www.indeed.co.uk/Volunteer-jobs-in-Bolton
https://www.ageuk.org.uk/bolton/get-involved/volunteer/
Or the recovery college to get some more qualifications/experience https://www.gmmh.nhs.uk/recovery
What about any of that?
I went in the kitchen today at 7am to find 2 (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)head young adults drinking and smoking. My mum was in bed and they were in my kitchen all night from about 2am. They were friends of my brother & apparently there was more of them. I sat with them for 3 hours until after 10am. They were rambling & the 19 year old girl looked rough as (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear). She had slash marks on her wrist from slitting her wrists & had been in & out of care. The audacity of these strangers to use my mums house as their "gaffe". They kept saying to me how I've no confidence & how "its not all about looks" to basically imply that I'm ugly yet she looked like the rough end of a badgers arse. I told my mum but she's too soft & she has her Lupus to deal with. This is why I'm desperate to move out but I'm low priority on the council housing list so I'm trapped. I desperately need my own independence (think)..
Have you thought about going into a charity shop or so and asking? What about something like bar work? How are you finding the volunteering positions? I've had a quick look and have seen a fair few....
I got in touch with the Strive Project the other day about volunteering as a receptionist. I also applied to volunteer at the citizens advice. I've volunteered at Band previously, need to delve into the others. Looking for admin experience but not sure how to go about it. The behavior tutoring I did in 2016 was 1 of the most rewarding things ive ever done. I'd love that as a career (blush).
I've added a trigger warning due to some of your comments in this post
I went in the kitchen today at 7am to find 2 (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)head young adults drinking and smoking. My mum was in bed and they were in my kitchen all night from about 2am. They were friends of my brother & apparently there was more of them. I sat with them for 3 hours until after 10am.
Why did you sit with them? Who let them in? Why didn't you ask them to leave?
They were rambling & the 19 year old girl looked rough as (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear). She had slash marks on her wrist from slitting her wrists & had been in & out of care. The audacity of these strangers to use my mums house as their "gaffe". They kept saying to me how I've no confidence & how "its not all about looks" to basically imply that I'm ugly yet she looked like the rough end of a badgers arse. I told my mum but she's too soft & she has her Lupus to deal with. This is why I'm desperate to move out but I'm low priority on the council housing list so I'm trapped. I desperately need my own independence (think).. The thing is your Mum will have to deal with it because at the end of the day as her name is on the tenancy she is liable for everything that happens - including illegal activity. Also, sad to say that if she was to be evicted due to antisocial behaviour of her visitors and your brother that (certainly in my area) you are not eligible for council housing as you are over 18 and as a single man you aren't eligible for housing until after 25... Your area might be different...
I got in touch with the Strive Project the other day about volunteering as a receptionist. I also applied to volunteer at the citizens advice. I've volunteered at Band previously, need to delve into the others. Looking for admin experience but not sure how to go about it. The behavior tutoring I did in 2016 was 1 of the most rewarding things ive ever done. I'd love that as a career (blush).
What about temping for something like Office Angels? That would pay and give experience and you don't have to stay at each placement too long if you don't want to....
I looked after 160+ students today in an exam hall. The teaching agency I registered with back in December finally give me a shift but as an exam invigilator. I had to be vigilant and patrolled the rows of student desks. Only 3 asked me for something; 1 for a pen, 1 for a tissue & 1 to go to the toilet. I gave them their exam papers & collected them at the end & that was it, easy £26.00 for 2 & half hours work. There was 6 other invigilators along with me. On Friday I have an appointment to register with another Teaching agency as I'd like some TA work in the Bolton area.
Then I came home to find my front garden packed with people & music blasting. My chav dickhead brother thinks everyday is a party. I agree with you Suzi but I'm really not the type to put my foot down. I avoid conflict like the plague because I'm very timid & have my own issues. My mum is the same. This (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) brother has always had an intimidating, controlling personality so it's not easy. I had a look at office angels but couldn't find anything. I've applied for lots of admin agencies but don't get a look in :s.
Strugglingmum
15-05-19, 07:37 PM
That was great you got some work today. Good luck for Friday.
That was great you got some work today. Good luck for Friday.
Thanks it just got me out if anythin & gave me a sense of purpose. I've got some more get together's as well in the coming weeks with the meetup group. I get some kind of sense of belonging from that which I've rarely ever felt. However I still need something consistent that I can do day to day. I've even applied for voluntary as it definitely provides that sense of community. I was in a clothes shop the other day & I just felt so lonely. It really triggers my lack of self worth when I see people holding hands, doing stuff together. But I came home with some herbal tea so I guess that's something (2 for 2.50) (blush)..
Check out any vacancies on the TES job site https://www.tes.com/jobs/
It's great that you got the invigilators job! That's a great thing to start with...
I’m so chuffed the meet-up group is helping you :)
I was somewhat hopeful today after chatting to a girl on snapchat & having a positive conversation but once again my mood comes crashin down.. My uncle loves to make fun how I'm 30 this year & have done nothin with my life except waste away in my room. I get on with him a lot but not when he laughs at me. I don't need reminding that I've wasted my life. Me & him are very alike in regards to how reclusive we are. He collects toys so he's not your conventional kind of guy. I prefer him to my brother put it that way. For years I've felt trapped living with my brother who is controlling & a loudmouth chav.
If I were to move out it'd allow me to finally stand on my own 2 feet, not rely on my mum & be free from his obnoxious presence. People don't realise the effect their words have on me. I'm extremely vulnerable & my despair is triggered very easily. They'll be sorry if they find me 1 day without a pulse. That isn't being flippant btw, I'm serious, it's always a possibility because I really have nothing to lose. My life has been a (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)in waste & the last 30 years is evidence I'll never feel normal. Why continue based on that evidence of relentless misery & loneliness?. I'd rather be long gone from this miserable existence before I'm in a care home wandering "what if?" (think)..
Have you told your uncle how what he says upsets you?
Have you thought about moving out? What about going to uni or something? Maybe that way you could move out and get better qualifications and you might get to hang out with people with similar interests? If not, what about something like the OU? Or the recovery college?
Seriously close to the (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)in edge right now. My Universal Credit have just told me I still have over 200 days remaining on my lengthy sanction yet they recently told me it ended a month ago. My work coach even said it ended & I was paid over 600 from a mandatory reconsideration. I've had this sanction for years & I was told it finally ended & now all of a sudden they say I still have 5 sanctions remaining. It's negligence to tell me it ended & they even said it's gone on longer than it should have. No wonder this system has so much controversy. Messing with someone who's vulnerable like that is not right. I'm done with this world, (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) it, I'm out (think)..
Calm down. Can you get to a CAB and get them to help you?
Calm down. Can you get to a CAB and get them to help you?
There's 1 in town but its closed. My appointment with jobcentre has been put forward to next week. I usually get hardship which is over 150 a month which goes to my mum but can't even get that caus I recieved a payment from training last month. They're liable to be reported for this because they told me the sanction had ended & I should expect the full amount of Universal Credit. Now all of a sudden they tell me this? wtf. Imagine if this was to tip me over the edge considering my fragile mental health. It'd be not too dissimilar to the Jeremy Kyle case that's been in the media recently ^)..
Can you call CAB? In some areas they have a centralised telephone support
There's 1 in town but its closed. My appointment with jobcentre has been put forward to next week. I usually get hardship which is over 150 a month which goes to my mum but can't even get that caus I recieved a payment from training last month. They're liable to be reported for this because they told me the sanction had ended & I should expect the full amount of Universal Credit. Now all of a sudden they tell me this? wtf. Imagine if this was to tip me over the edge considering my fragile mental health. It'd be not too dissimilar to the Jeremy Kyle case that's been in the media recently ^)..
I know you're upset, but please can you stop talking about being "tipped over the edge" as there have been quite enough cases.... What about finding out who your local counsellor or MP is and asking them for help?
I know you're upset, but please can you stop talking about being "tipped over the edge" as there have been quite enough cases.... What about finding out who your local counsellor or MP is and asking them for help?
I've just come off the phone to the samaritans, something like this really triggers me into that downward spiral of despair so I don't say that lightly. On top of that my brothers being playing up again, being disrespectful to my mum. Today I've felt like a boiling pot of emotions with my anxiety. The samaritan was really lovely & the best chat I've ever had with them.
She was understanding & constructive unlike my 1st experience calling them when I was abruptly cut off. I told her literally everything that I've mentioned on here. That call has reallly encouraged me to call them more often, especially when I'm in distress. It definitely helped calm me down a bit as its good to talk openly. It's also encouraged me to volunteer myself as a samaritan & I have an interview next month to discuss that (blush). I could look into the CAB support & a counsellor perhaps.
I would urge not volunteering as a samaritan when you are so volatile yourself.
We've been suggesting to you for ages about getting CAB and proper medical help...
I am glad you called them and found them to be helpful.
With regard to your earlier comments, I've had it from several members about how your posts sound flippant and as if you are threatening suicide just for effect and how it's upsetting them. Please be more mindful in what you are posting. I will start to remove comments like that if you continue.
Well done for calling the Samaritans, and being honest with them. I hope you do remember to talk to them when you need that extra support.
WRT volunteering, I’ve worked for CAB and for a signposting service at my local hospital. Obviously, I also help out here. I know that, in those environments, you may have to deal with all sorts of things that can be very triggering and have had to step back countless times to protect my own mental health. Please, please, please consider very carefully whether it’s the right thing to do at the moment. That’s not to say you might not do it in the future, but maybe when you’re more settled?
I've been to register with a teaching agency today in Manchester to work in SEN schools. Its the 4th agency I'm now registered with, the others never have any work in Bolton. I wouldn't be considered for these roles if I wasn't capable & they didn't see something in me. The volunteer behavior tutoring I did in 2016 has opened the door to these opportunities along with the support work I did last year. That was the 1st time I ever worked with challenging behavior & I was awarded behavior tutor of the week which you've gotta admit is impressive considering my depression :). I've also took phone calls at a mental health service were I volunteered. Based on that you can't deny I'd be a good samaritan. I may not have years of experience but that's still more than many have & it's been varied from autistic kids to elderly. I may not have time regardless but I think I'd be a good samaritan for sure (blush).
Jaquaia
21-05-19, 09:17 PM
A good Samaritan is empathetic and listens to people's darkest thoughts in an open-minded and non-judgemental manner. As I've not really seen you respond on others threads that often on here, I couldn't really comment on if you'd be good or not. Having depression does not automatically make someone a good Samaritan, it just means that they understand. Those other qualities are more important. I do agree with the others though that you may find it difficult if you're often feeling suicidal yourself. Maybe walk before you can run?
If you're serious about training to be a counsellor, I'd advise doing a lot of research. You need a level 4 diploma in counselling skills as a minimum. Level 1 and 2 are around 7 weeks each, level 3 is roughly 25 weeks and level 4 is around 2 years part time. Level 4 includes client work. You need to have student membership of BACP, have around 100 hours of client work, pay for around 20 hours personal counselling and pay for supervision too. You're only qualified after completion of level 4 and then need full membership of BACP. The costs I' looking at are £125, £220, £660 and almost £3,000 a year respectively, though level 4 is eligible for a tuition loan.
Listening to people at their crisis points day in and day out is very different. I know how hard it can be and when you put that phone down and you don't know what course of action they take... It all takes it's toll..
ye you have a point about the samaritans, maybe my mInd was clouded by the great chat I had with them & how lovely they seemed. I'm a very good listener & am not suicidal despite often being in the depths of despair. I may still go to the interview with them but maybe to discuss an admin role as that was my initial intention. I still have the role in an autism hospital but need to re-do my trainin & complete 2 shadow shifts. But now that I've registered with another Teachin agency I'm kinda in limbo as to what to do ^).
Jaquaia
22-05-19, 12:57 AM
https://volunteer.samaritans.org/volunteer/other-support
Have a look through that. It's other ways that they require volunteer support. It might be a better way for you to meet people too and not as emotionally heavy itms? And in time look at building up to a listening volunteer?
am not suicidal despite often being in the depths of despair..
Which is a good thing, but which also makes me more frustrated with the way that you keep using suicide as a throw away comment...
I just attended a comedy night with the meetup group. It was ok but it struck me how physically incapable I am of laughter. To everyone else it comes so natural wereas with me it feels like I'm forcing it caus my depression doesn't allow me to feel joy or emotion :s. The group organiser for instance has such a hyena belly laugh that makes me envious because I can't possibly express that sense of elation. I really wish I knew how to lift this apathy that smothers me like a dark force.
Their were 2 comedians that performed; an asian gay lady followed by some bloke from Stockport. The 2nd was funnier tbh. After that half of the group continued the night to a bar in a market hall. I didn't drink caus I was hungry. Felt a bit alienated caus they all had established bonds although I tried to be chatty. It doesn't bother me that they're older than me (40's, 50's) but I feel like I regressed a bit considerin the night I had with the group last time which involved a dance. So ye that's another chapter in my awkward tale of loneliness (blush)..
Have you thought any more about going back to the drs and trying another anti d or counselling?
Jaquaia
25-05-19, 12:36 PM
Suzi has a point. Depression isn't going to disappear if you don't attempt to treat it. Changing parts of your life is good, so the going out is a good thing, but it's more of a bandage itms? The root causes need to be addressed.
A quick google and I found this;
https://www.gmmh.nhs.uk/recovery
You may find that this is a good place to start.
Suzi has a point. Depression isn't going to disappear if you don't attempt to treat it. Changing parts of your life is good, so the going out is a good thing, but it's more of a bandage itms? The root causes need to be addressed.
A quick google and I found this;
https://www.gmmh.nhs.uk/recovery
You may find that this is a good place to start.
Ur right I haven't been addressing the root cause, I've merely been masking it through distraction which is akin to showering a tattered carpet with a hosepipe. But I hate how synthetic drugs are considered the default solution to treating it. Why can't there be a natural solution?. My mum tells me the same, "I don't why u don't take ur meds!". The reason is simple, I don't like drugs in my body. The side effects are (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)in horrible (24/7 drowsiness, nauseousness, blunt emotions, impotence in men..). I know they can subside in time but the tiredness doesn't from my experience & you can't even have a pint on a night out.
Last night I diagnosed myself through a quick google search. I found that my symptoms are closest to dysthymia (persistent mild depression). I always assumed it was moderate due to the depths of my despair but apparently not. My doctor has never told me this. He's always batted it off as "social anxiety" which demonstrates their lack of mental health training. These GPs have a 10 minute window & they use that time to offer u pills like your a (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)in lab rat being tested for pharmaceutical purposes. I know this is blunt but no one else sheds light on this. I lost all respect for my GP when he rudely cut me short mid sentence upon describing a sensitive issue to whisk me away. It was humiliating caus this guy's been my practitioner ever since I was a kid (think)...
Jaquaia
25-05-19, 06:51 PM
Firstly, you should never use google to diagnose. You aren't medically trained, I have symptoms of bipolar type 2 at times according to google, I have symptoms of PTSD too, but I'm not medically trained so I couldn't possibly diagnose myself. Using google, fairly innocuous things can indicate cancer or other serious things when it's could be something straightforward. Your doctor is medically trained, but it's also worth pointing out that a GP is trained in many areas whereas a specialist is trained to a much higher level in one area. They may have a special interest but their knowledge isn't to the degree of a specialist. Their hands are pretty much tied to talking therapies or medication I'm afraid.
It's also worth pointing out that medication is proven to work, medication has to go through extensive trials before it is licensed to be used. There are thresholds that have to be met before these drugs can be generally prescribed. So that being said, please be mindful of your language when talking about antidepressants. Many of us on here are only still here because of medication, I know I am. A year ago I was suicidal, now I'm not. The only difference is my medication changed. Comparing being prescribed antidepressants as treating us like lab rats is not very respectful. For many of us on here, medication is what allows us to function and actually have some semblance of a life. It's possible that if you tried one that you haven't tried already, it may actually work, with fewer side effects, and may not be something you need long term. Medication can work and we will always point that out. That being said, we will respect your choice not to take antidepressants. There are other options.
There is some research that suggests CBD oil, and even turmeric, can have antidepressant qualities. St John's Wart is another one. All natural remedies but something you will need to do a lot of research on yourself and I would advise seeking a medical opinion. The other option is talking therapies, but these only work when you engage in them fully. Have you tried counselling or CBT? What about some of the courses the recovert academy run? Would you be willing to try some of those? You may find that some of their courses will help you manage your anxiety and improve your confidence levels. You could contact your local Mind and see what help they can offer. They often run support groups or courses. There are apps or videos on youtube that help with mindfulness or meditation.
I think a starting point would be meditation or mindfulness, something to try and get your anxiety under control. Maybe look at those courses too. Sometimes we need to do things step by step.
It's a case of thinking about what you want to change and then trying to figure out how to change it itms?
Jaq's post is totally spot on. I'm not keen on pharmaceuticals either, but without them I can barely move let alone function enough to look after my children, dogs and care for my husband and this place. I choose to take them to help me be the best that I can be. Sometimes that's better than others, but without them I'm a mess... I take about 23 tablets a day and CBD oil too. Do I like it? No. Do I choose to take them to help? Yes.
ye I'm aware that medication is a life saver for many people, especially with major depression. It's just frustrating that there are no better natural solutions. I've been cold Turkey for over a year now & my depression has been worse tbh but even on them I wasn't really feeling anything. I guess they take the edge off but for me they made me extremely fatigued & I couldn't even cry.
I know my emotions are already blunted but least I can feel something, even if it is sadness. On them I feel absolutely nothing. I've been round in circles with the 4 SSRI's (citalopram, mirtazipine, sertraline, fluxotine). I'm really uncomfortable using anything other than those recommended as my doctor doesn't allow it.
I wish I could express myself freely because I'm passionate about mental health. Personally I feel like a lab rat the way my GP speaks to me. It feels like I'm just another "numbered patient" to him to add to his data entry list. I read an article stating the lack of training these GP's have on mental health which should be mandatory. I've also been round in circles with counselling & cbt, on the waiting list for another. Recently bought some herbal tea which has some sedative effect. I guess the meetup group is a positive step I've made this year (blush).
Jaquaia
25-05-19, 08:45 PM
Then you need a better doctor. He can't NOT allow other medications. My GP had never heard of the antidepressant that I've been prescribed, but because a specialist nurse has prescribed it, he continues to do so. I'm on my 9th antidepressant, it's not perfect but it allows me to have a life. Research suggests that if drugs from the same class don't work, a drug from another class might. SNRI's, NaSSA's... even tricyclics or MAOI's. What I take is none of those, it's only been licensed a few years, but there are something like almost 30 different drugs that can be prescribed for depression. Your gp has options and he is failing in his duty of care towards you by refusing to consider them. Maybe it's worth trying to see another gp in the practice?
But there is also the question of did you take them correctly and did you give them long enough? A common cause of antidepressants not working is people don't take them as advised. Are you using what you learned in talking therapies or forgetting as soon as you've left the appointment, another common reason for counselling not improving things. I'm not saying that's what you did btw, but knowing if you complied will help us to understand better.
Would you be willing to look at the recovery academy courses? It's called the recovery college here and the mental health services have had some success with it.
Medication isn’t the answer for everyone but I have to point out that there are over four times as many ADs available as you have tried. If your depression is worse without them, please don’t rule them out completely .....
Jaq suggested some herbal remedies to you - it might be worth talking to your doctor about them and getting their opinion.
Really don't feel comfortable at the moment, my evil brother has invited his friends into the kitchen to smoke weed & get drunk. When my mum's out he takes advantage. I've not even made my tea because I'm scared to be around him & his friends. My depression is more of an issue than my anxiety but this really makes me anxious. I keep applying for a council flat but there's like 40 applicants for each listing. I'm really desperate because I feel really intimidated by him especially when he's had a drink which I've touched on before :s. Even the samaritan I spoke to said that living with someone as volatile as this is bound to have an effect. Imagine living with someone that has a "gang-like mentality" when you have low confidence & mental health issues.
I won't rule out the meds but there has to be a reason why my GP only prescribes the 4 main SSRI's. He said the others are considered less safe. I took the SSRI's for months at a consistent time. With counselling I learned a lot but struggled to act on it. I'll look into the recovery classes. My home environment is a source of my low self esteem because of the brother I live with. Even the samaritan said it's understandable that I'm insecure living with him. Outside of my house I feel free because I'm not in his presence. No one makes me retreat to my shell quite like he does. If I ever called him out for his behavior I'd be threatened. He gets away with it because he helps my mum with the shopping & around the house which is more than I do tbh. But least I'm respectful. I really wish my area was full of people like you guys not the types that are in my house right now ;(..
Jaquaia
25-05-19, 10:46 PM
SNRIs are just as safe or they wouldn't be able to prescribe them as easily as they do, and in all my time on here and on a similar group on fb, I have never once heard of a GP refusing to prescribe other meds when SSRI's haven't worked. Suzi's husband, for example, takes venlafaxine and has had great success with it and we've had members who have done well on duloxetine, both SNRI's. I think Paula takes venlafaxine too but not 100% sure on that. The only difference, from the reading I've done, (and I've done a lot!) is that SSRI's tend to have fewer side effects. But some people respond better to SSRI's and some respond better to SNRI's (then you get the awkward ones like me who don't respond to either ;)). Maybe it's a case of one of the ones you've tried that took the edge off would have worked better at a higher dose. Depression is a funny illness really as it affects us all differently.
The bonus of the recovery college stuff is it will get you out of the house.
Your GP only prescribes those because those are the standard ones which they try everyone who needs them on. It's more difficult to get seen by secondary services, but I think you need to say to this Dr that if they won't try something else then maybe you need to be referred to someone else who might be able to help you more.
Did you take the meds at the same time each day? Not drink alcohol? Stay on them for 4-8 weeks? Not all agree with each person. My husband is on his 6th as the fluoxetine he'd been on for years didn't help when he went back on it... This one is helping him hugely though!
If you are genuinely fearful for yourself then surely you could get help if you were open and honest about it?
Why aren't you helping your Mum around the place?
Venlafaxine, amitryptaline, Lithium. I’ve been on this particular combination for 4 years now and I’m still here. I also take other meds for other conditions inc pregabalin which is for pain but also helps my anxiety.
Without these psych meds I wouldn’t be here - end of. At no point has any medical professional ever informed me of any concerns for the safety of venlafaxine and amitryptaline. Yes, there are side effects but they’re manageable, as long as I look after myself and I take the meds as prescribed.
I’m sorry, but I just don’t believe your GP believes that non SSRI ADs are less safe. It’s simply not true. It may be, as Suzi says, that those are the standard ones they prescribe and you need a referral to secondary services but that’s not the same as your GP stating that others aren’t safe. If you really do want to get better, you need to go back to your doctor and push for alternative treatment and/or a referral.
I really need to stop going on Facebook & looking how amazing everyone's life is compared to mine, I don't know why I do this myself! (think). There's people I've known who were not very pleasant yet have the most amazing social life. They have a family & everything & have a congregate of people to celebrate their new born baby or whatever. That kind of life is completely alien to me. I can't help but envy it because I've always struggled to even leave my room. I'm ashamed of my lack of independence :s.. Even on the meetups I've been going to, they all have a car, been married etc. I'm 29 & I'm so far behind on social development it's a joke. A mean I can't even tie my own shoelaces ffs! Or even use the washing machine..
When I tell people this it startles them. And they don't understand why I've never had a relationship considering I'm respectful, not bad looking & can articulate myself well. But that's the price I've paid for being a recluse. Like Jaq touched on I def need to see another counselor because it's a mountain of insecurities that medication won't resolve. I'm never content at all. I just want to know what it feels like to be loved ;(..
Facebook can be great. But also its easy to see a false picture. I am alone most of the time. But If I were to add a few pictures now and then it would seem I have the most interesting life ever. There are a lot of lonely people on there that seem to be so social and outgoing.
If you can not tie your own shoelaces. And do not know how to use a washing machine. Learn. These are skills we will all need one day.
Jaquaia
26-05-19, 06:31 PM
Want me to be honest with you? My fb is full of photos of me smiling, with friends, stuff I've done... other than the odd post about mental health it doesn't show the reality of my life. I'm 35 and only just learning how to drive, and then only because when I move in with my partner, I'll be living in a village with very limited public transport. Up until last year, I never went out on my own if I could avoid it. I live with my parents and have done absolutely nothing with my first degree. My posts and photos don't reveal how I'd worked out a few ways of ending my life, and in such a way that people wouldn't know until it was too late. They don't reveal the scars on my arms from where I've hurt myself. They don't reveal the hatred I have for myself, and they don't reveal the heartache I feel at not being able to have children. It doesn't reveal the assaults or the abuse I've suffered. I have a school friend on there who never revealed her heartache at years of fertility treatment until she got her miracle and shared a slideshow of her journey. If you looked at my partners social media over the last few years, it would look like he had a perfect life and a perfect family. It doesn't reveal that his wife was emotionally abusing him pretty much since they married. It doesn't show that she started getting physical with him or was always screaming and shouting abuse at him in front of their children, to the extent that their 9 year old is scared of her. Social media shows you what people want you to see, it doesn't always show you their reality so try not to judge your life by that
I am an introvert, always have been, and I find making new friends incredibly hard. I learned to fake it. I would make myself join in conversations, even if I felt awkward and out of place. It got easier over time.
If you want to be more independent, then what can you change? What skills can you learn to enable that? Youtube videos will probably teach you how to tie laces. And for what it's worth, I've started doing the washing out of necessity as my mum can't physically do it at the moment. I'm older than you and learned, you can too. Starr small and build up when things start feeling more comfortable
Why don't you learn to tie your laces, do the washing, cook a basic but lovely meal - a roast dinner is easier than you think or a stew which can be made in the morning and cook all day in a slow cooker? The only way that things will change is if you make them change..
All of my children can do washing, hang it out, they can all cook at least a basic meal - try pasta bake if a roast dinner is too much mentally right now and that's because a) it's my job to teach them to be independent b) there are days I can't physically do things like the washing so need help c) they have to learn to clean up the mess that they make too! If they can all do it so can you.
You are the one with the control to make changes to aspects you don't like. It's up to you.
I never realised your history Jacquaia, would you say being an introvert is a factor in your depression?. I know it's not exclusive to being an introvert but there does seem to be a lot of people who suffer from being more withdrawn, myself included. Depression is also a disease of isolation to coin the phrase. From my experience, the loneliness that can come with it is certainly a factor in why I'm so troubled. Even abroad on a luxurious beach or in a nightclub I've felt so lonely. I've often cried in the toilets at a gathering of people. I've turned down wedding invitations from childhood friends purely because it triggers how worthless I am in comparison. I don't like it shoved in my face how happy people are with their lives.
Anyway I'm digressing. Regarding the other stuff, I've always struggled to tie knots. I know the process but the last part I can't firmly tighten so resort to tucking in my laces (blush). Even at Burger King I struggled to wrap burgers & someone had to tie binbags for me. Maybe it's dyspraxia who knows. My mum's done most things for me for 29 years. If I had a father figure maybe I wouldn't be so bone idle. The irony is I had a high work ethic part time at Burger King, got employee of the month. I've also been behavior tutor of the week & computing student of the term which suggests there's some potential in me. Knowing I've failed to realise that potential is keeping me pinned down in despair. I've made steps recently by registering with a teaching agency & support work, it's down to me to focus. It'd be cool if there was a community of users here on Facebook. I'm free to add anyway to chat about depression & anxiety but I don't know the rules regarding that (blush).
Have you been diagnosed with dyspraxia?
Jaquaia
27-05-19, 07:06 PM
That's just it, you can be lonely and not have depression, or have depression and not be lonely. You can be introverted and not have depression and you can be extroverted and have depression. At times, I'm very happy being on my own. Other times I crave company and feel very lonely, but there aren't many people whose company I can tolerate for long. I wouldn't say that being introverted is a big factor in my depression, but it does affect being able to make friends. I'm very quiet in person, at uni that got me labelled as strange and standoffish as people weren't prepared to look past that. I'm much happier in a room full of books than a room full of people. I don't like clubbing, haven't since my early 20s! I'd much rather have a quiet night at the pub where we can actually hear each other talk, or go see some live music or theatre, a night in with friends or a nice meal out. I think one lesson I learnt is I need to be true to myself. Trying to fit in with everyone never felt comfortable, once I started being me, it helped. I have had to push past my comfort zone and pretend to be confident and the more I pretended the easier it got. It makes new situations easier to deal with. The me you see on here is pretty much who I am in person.
How would you like your life to be?
I don't think it's to do with having an absent father - surely that'd make you want to help your Mum out a bit more. Didn't you say she has Lupus too?
Have you had a formal diagnosis of dyspraxia or anything else? Google diagnoses aren't helpful and can make things more difficult to work through.
What about your brother? Is he in school? College? Apprenticeship?
I went to a quiz night again with the meetup tonight then we had a card game afterwards which was fun. But when I got home I broke down crying in front of my mum caus we had a deep conversation about why I feel so low ;(. She encouraged me to open up caus she's aware that suicide is the biggest killer in men under 40. I told her I think my depression is dysthymia as it's persistent & doesn't come & go in episodes. She's noticed how I've been highly irritable because of my brother & the smoking. She agreed to keep the smoke downstairs & at night smoke out the window so that's something I guess. The chat led to conversation about our family history which as nice. My mum knows I can only open up like this when it's just me & her & no ones's around due to the stigma of mental health.
The other day I had a really positive interview about volunteering as a youth worker. The 2 women told me I'm really interesting because of the work I've done with autism & how I articulate myself. I don't think I have dyspraxia btw as my symptoms only relate to tieing knots. And you seem a lot like me Jacquaia in regards to how you keep yourself to yourself. I personally have an aversion to loudmouth personality types. My estate is sadly full of those people, that's why this meetup group is a breath of fresh air. It serves as an escapism for me (blush)..
I don't think it's to do with having an absent father - surely that'd make you want to help your Mum out a bit more. Didn't you say she has Lupus too?
Have you had a formal diagnosis of dyspraxia or anything else? Google diagnoses aren't helpful and can make things more difficult to work through.
What about your brother? Is he in school? College? Apprenticeship?
Glad you opened up to your Mum and she sounds supportive. Just wondering about the above questions - although I know you posted at past 3 in the morning...
The meetup group sounds good for you - have you made any friends? What about spreading your wings and trying others? Well done on the interview!
Thanks, I was out again tonight with the meetup for Friday night drinks & a dance. But I was more reserved than a few weeks ago when I was more merry. Tonight I was back to my shell & the group organizer had to encourage me to get up & dance with them. I had a bit of a dance & about 3-4 half lagers but towards the end I locked myself in the club toilet with my head in my hands in despair.. 1 of the group members even came lookin for me. If only they knew how bad my depression is behind the facade of my "chilled exterior" (blush). Even just a few half lagers seems to be enough to exasperate how worthless I feel ;(..
I was chatty at times & it's always good to meet new people but there's an age gap & they've lived amazing lives (living in america, italy for instance). I hate the idea of throwin pills at it to solve the way I am. If that was the case I would of took them yesterday but there's no silver bullet to mental health, that's why I've been cold turkey for a year. It was ruled out a while ago btw that I don't have dyspraxia by an assessor. My mum has Lupus yes & I feel guilty for not doing house chores. The way I feel I don't value myself, I don't care if I die tomorrow so house chores are the last thing on my mind. And my evil brother doesn't do anythin other than smoke weed & be obnoxious (think)..
I think you need to stop drinking, it’s obvious it has an effect on your mood. As for your brother, it’s irrelevant whether he helps out - what matters is what you do, not what he does. Do you not think you’d have more self respect if you helped your mum out more?
Can I be blunt?
You say here that your "evil brother" does nothing and yet a few posts back you say that he helps with the shopping and the chores whilst you do nothing and stay in your room. Except when he was in mid breakdown Marc has always helped me around the house with chores I can't do/find difficult physically - things like taking the bins out, carrying loads of washing outside for me to hang up, carrying them back in when they are dry etc. I wonder if you've got yourself into a bit of a self pity wallow and you aren't actually doing anything around the house etc so then you feel worthless and guilty and so you don't do anything and it goes round in a cycle. Having depression is no excuse for not helping around tbh - especially when the person who is the one who needs your help is your Mum who is dealing with a condition as crappy as Lupus.
You say that you keep registering for teaching agencies etc and applying for caring jobs, but why not start caring and helping out your Mum? Maybe then your brother wouldn't be such of a problem.
You haven't been "cold turkey for a year." You stopped your meds "cold turkey" which only lasts until they are out of your system, since then you have just not been on meds. I don't think you were taking them properly when you were on them either were you?
Taking meds to help isn't "throwin pills" or a "silver bullet" because that isn't how they work. Sometimes it takes a few different types of meds to find the ones that help you. Of course, there are other ways of helping, but you've proved over the last year(s) that those aren't working for you, so I don't understand why you don't want to try meds. If it's an issue with your Dr then change Dr. Simple.
However, it has been shown that alcohol and not sleeping properly are huge issues for depression and again you've proved the alcohol in your post there.
Really, you do need to start trying to be more sensible and maybe trying to fake it until you make it a bit or go and speak to your Dr and try something different... What you're doing now hasn't worked and you've been trialling it for over a year, maybe it's time to try something else properly?
I don't want to live anymore ;(..
Jaquaia
14-06-19, 06:46 AM
What's happened?
What makes you say that? You posted at 1:47 am were you up because you couldn't sleep or were out?
I was in floods of tears when I posted that. I don't feel in control of anythin, my head is too far gone to be repaired. I get no relief from my depression, it's persistent & I've been in a constant low state for years & years (which I assume is dysthmia & anhedonia). I feel like I'm alone in this battle ;(.. I'm 30 in July, still living with my mum with an intimidating brother in a smoke filled house. Imagine being a severe recluse all your life, how would that make you feel?. Because it's had a significant impact on my self esteem & confidence.
That's why I genuinely feel I can't be helped because there's layers upon layers to my insecurities. I appreciate you being blunt but any advice bounces off me because of my distorted (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)ed up headspace. Others have been just as blunt & are perplexed why nothin seem's to get through to me. I know other worriers who are like me that I can identify with. As a hypochondriac with debilitating depression my life has been straight hell. The loneliness is just the icing on the cake. I know "woe is me" right & others have it worse but those sentiments mean nothin to my mental state.
I'm not an alcoholic btw to be clear, 3-4 half lagers on the occassional drink meetup (once a month) is hardly alcoholic. There's other (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) as well that I'm dealin with like my jobcentre sanctioning me for an extra 200 days despite tellin me my sanction had finally ended after 2 years. I attended an interview yesterday to become a samaritan & told them about my persistent depression disorder. If they reject me then its obvious that it's a factor in their decision as they prob assume it'd be "trigggering" for me as you guys alluded to. I also handed in my documents to do youth work at Bolton Lads & Girls Club. I'm desperate for some routine to give me a purpose because this loneliness is all consuming as many users here can attest to :s...
Jaquaia
16-06-19, 12:18 PM
The thing is, you seem to go round in circles. You come here saying about how nothing works and you want your life to be different but what do you do to change anything? Have you contacted the recovery college in your area? Have you contacted Mind and asked what help they can offer? Have you gone to Citizens advice about your sanctions like Paula (I think) suggested? Have you chased up more counselling? Or stress/anxiety courses? Or confidence building courses? Are you eating healthily? Are you exercising? Are you trying mindfulness/meditation? Hobbies? Have you spoken to your doctor? Maybe it's time to actually give medication a good go? It doesn't mean that you have to be on them forever, some people only need to be on them a little while. It's recommended to be on them 6 months after you feel better to reduce the risk of a relapse. Sometimes medication and counselling can make the world of difference.
Nothing will change if you do nothing to change it. Again, you're self-diagnosing. You're not a doctor. Go and speak to yours. If you want things to change then force yourself to actually try things. My first year at uni has been an uphill struggle at times because my head has been a mess. I started my first module while suicidal, self-harming, starting seeing a psychiatric nurse prescriber and undergoing a med change. But I knew I wanted a different future and so I pushed myself and forced myself to try. It's given me something to focus on, and something to concentrate on when I've needed to retreat from people.
If you really want to get better, you need to stop finding excuses to avoid trying new things. Well done on the interview and being honest, but if the Samaritans reject you, it will be because they don't think you're suitable for a listening role. Have you thought of doing qualifications to give you a better chance of getting into youth work? If you want things to change, you need to make a huge effort to change things. Sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself doesn't help. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh but it's true. I know that from experience.
And for the record, no one has ever said that you're an alcoholic, but alcohol is a depressant.
For the record, I'm 36 this year and still living with my parents. I have no friends locally, at all. Until I bumped into my partner again, I never went out. I haven't worked in years. I have been so ill that I had my spot on the river picked out. I've had to deal with an autoimmune disease diagnosis too. I get it, I really do. But only we can change things. Even if it's just faking it til you make it.
I see you thanked jaq for her post. Is it something you could try and implement? I too think its the right thing to do. I did it for myself. And things are changing for me now I hope. But you need to want to do it yourself. Just like jaq is doing and as I am trying.
If nothing changes it all stays the same.
I can't agree with Jaq strongly enough. TBH I don't know how many more ways I can say the same things. Yes that's harsh, but hunni you don't do anything to try to change anything. The only things you've done is join a meetup group (which is awesome) but you say that they are all older than you... I know you keep going to interviews, but honestly you need to work on getting you better first. There is a reason you aren't getting the jobs - not being horrible, but is it your interview technique? Lack of Qualifications? Applying for the wrong things?
Why not find the CAB number and call them tomorrow? Sort this sanction thing out? Then call Mind and see if there's a group you can go to, or if they have free counselling or a recovery college? All these things can be done maybe 1 a day?
I'm not saying jump up and change everything all at once, but if you genuinely want to get better then you are going to have to make a decision to change and sort it. Go to the Dr - if you don't like yours then find a new one....
Thanks for the advice, I do refer back to your posts to remind me what I need to do. Today I was booked on for training on the 11th, 15th & 18th July for youth work volunteering & I also got accepted for the samaritan role. I'm excited for the youth work role but not really about being a samaritan as I'm worried how I'd deal with a suicide in progress. But they've also booked me on for some training. I know that I won't be paid for any of this but it'll help to break up the week & give me some kind of routine as well as interaction.
I'm aware that I'm going round in circles, I guess this forum just gives me an outlet that I can turn to. I've been waiting a while for more counselling so I guess this forum serves as a therapy in a way. I know theres many others who can relate to me so my intention is also to help them by sharing my struggles. Today my controlling brother antagonized me for simply going straight to the garden upon coming downstairs. He was like "WHY ARE YOU GOING OUTSIDE FOR, THERES NO SMOKE IN HERE I THINK YOUR (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)IN AIR PURIFIER HAS GONE TO YOUR HEAD". He has this presence about him that has always made me very uncomfortable. The way he speaks it's always menacing. He belittles me because he knows of my confidence issues. As long as I'm in this house my mental health won't improve & it's not easy to simply up & move sticks (think)..
Well done for getting accepted with the Samaritans, that’s awesome
Well done for the volunteering. Did you call about the sanctions?
Jaquaia
17-06-19, 09:14 PM
Well done!
Well done for the volunteering. Did you call about the sanctions?
I've already told them its not right & they've booked me in for an appointment on Friday. It's ridiculous how my sanction ended & now they've plucked another 200 days out of thin air. A work coach even assured me it ended & the system reflected this. She left shortly after which is no coincidence. I've been on this sanction for a few years now. I haven't missed any appointments all year either. It's just not fair. Now I know why Universal Credit is so controversial.
The only income I've been getting is hardship which is only around 150 a month & training ive been doin recently. I give my mum 200 a month (think).
What reason have they given for the sanction?
What reason have they given for the sanction?
They said that some days weren't accounted for from when I missed lots of appointments in July 2016. I recieved letters tellin me many of those sanctions were revised & taken off. Then the jobcentre paid me over 600 as some of those sanctions weren't valid.
I was then told this lengthy sanction would be ending in April & I would be back to recieving the full amount of Universal credit. They even said I'll be owed some money as the sanctions went on longer than they should. And now they say I have an extra 200 days left!. It doesn't add up. I told them straight & some (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) on the phone was speaking to me in a condescending manner like I'm a piece of meat caus thats how they speak to you at the jobcentre ^).
Do you still have those letters? Can you prove any of what you are saying?
It's not always how they speak to you. Do you have anyone you could take with you? A welfare rights worker or similar?
I overheard my mum admitting how much my vile brother controls her. Everytime I tell her this she defends him so it's a relief to hear her acknowledge this. Last night for instance he let his friends into the living room after 11pm. This wouldn't happen at anyone else's house but this is how much control he has over my mum. The other night he was drunk & when he's drunk he's extremely obnoxious & intimidating. It's a form of abuse in a way to make people feel uncomfortable & constantly on edge.
Regarding the sanction, the jobcentre said they need to speak to someone as they're as confused as I am. Btw I've been thinkin lately what would happen in the event of my mum not being around?. My mums friend said that I'd be thrown on the street as my names not on the house, is this true?. I'd prob take being on the street over living with my awful brother. Without my mum he'd allow people in the house 24/7 including his friends from prison (think).. I've been considering CBD oil btw but it seems expensive. Oh & I attended a board games night on Thursday with the meetup were we played cards & I even got up & played a virtual reality game with a bow & arrow, it was trippy as!. I know this is all a lot to digest, I try to be as concise as possible because a wall of text can be overwhelming (blush).
Please talk to Citizens Advice, they’d be able to give you answers re housing and help you deal with the job centre
Check it with shelter and or the CAB because each council have their own rules regarding rights to succession....
She's going to have to stand up to him. Maybe you could do it together?
There's people threatening to come round & cause trouble because my twat brother owes them 600. They could even hurt my mum, me & my dog. All because of his debt from buying weed. He's petrified which is ironic given how he likes to portray a "thug" like image.
My aunts fella has offered to pay some of it as it needs to be paid by Wednesday. This place doesn't help my mental health issues at all. Tbh I don't even care if I die so it'd be a relief if someone was to inadvertently kill me. I'm already dead inside (think)..
What do you need to do to break this cycle? It feels like you are going round and round in circles. And when people give advice you give a thanks and nothing else.
Has anyone spoken to the police?
There's people threatening to come round & cause trouble because my twat brother owes them 600. They could even hurt my mum, me & my dog. All because of his debt from buying weed. He's petrified which is ironic given how he likes to portray a "thug" like image. Then maybe you need to call the police. Get some help. Maybe even speak to your housing department if you are in danger?
My aunts fella has offered to pay some of it as it needs to be paid by Wednesday. This place doesn't help my mental health issues at all. Tbh I don't even care if I die so it'd be a relief if someone was to inadvertently kill me. I'm already dead inside (think)..
Really? IF you are feeling like that genuinely then please get help. If not then STOP saying things flippantly. I will not ask you nicely again.
Then maybe you need to call the police. Get some help. Maybe even speak to your housing department if you are in danger?
Really? IF you are feeling like that genuinely then please get help. If not then STOP saying things flippantly. I will not ask you nicely again.
When I say those things, that's hardly being flippant. I've felt dead inside for a long time, can't even remember the last time I felt emotion other than deep sadness. That's how long lasting my depression has been & it doesn't come & go, it's persistent. Sleep is the only relief I get from the mental suffering I've endured for years. Even getting help is expensive, I've been lookin up CBD oil as it's a natural anti-depressant without the awful side effects & withdrawals. I'm desperate for somethin natural to take the edge off that doesn't come with the (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) I've experienced with AD's. I had another jobcentre appointment today but this whole sanction case is a mess. They're gonna book me in with someone who deals directly with the sanctions apparently.
What do you need to do to break this cycle? It feels like you are going round and round in circles. And when people give advice you give a thanks and nothing else.
I thank everyone's post out of courtesy, that's nothing to do with not acknowledging anyone's advice. Trust me I read everyone's posts a few times over & always go back to them for encouragement. If I didn't leave a thanks then you'd probably think "why isn't he grateful for this advice". A thanks just lets people know I appreciate the advice. I know how busy people are so it means a lot. Going round & round in circles is the nature of depression. I know I'm hard work, I just find it difficult to break this cycle of being a recluse. If you was a serious recluse for as long as I've been would you find it so easy to change & break this cycle?. There's a lot of hypochondriacs like myself who can't seem to get over their insecurities (think).
Has anyone spoken to the police?
No but tbh the police should be rang on him as well because he's just as threatening as his alleged money chasers. Today he came upstairs & threatened me to hand over my mums phone. My mum told me to use it as its cheaper than landline as she's on a contract. Then he starts banging on my door saying "Oi give me that (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)in phone now!". That's just an example of how controlling he is. When he has drugs or alcohol he's evil. I know I'm bone idle but I've never given my mum or anyone trouble.
Jaquaia
27-06-19, 09:26 PM
I thank everyone's post out of courtesy, that's nothing to do with not acknowledging anyone's advice. Trust me I read everyone's posts a few times over & always go back to them for encouragement. If I didn't leave a thanks then you'd probably think "why isn't he grateful for this advice". A thanks just lets people know I appreciate the advice. I know how busy people are so it means a lot. Going round & round in circles is the nature of depression. I know I'm hard work, I just find it difficult to break this cycle of being a recluse. If you was a serious recluse for as long as I've been would you find it so easy to change & break this cycle?.There's a lot of hypochondriacs like myself who can't seem to get over their insecurities (think).
Ok, I'm going to highlight this as it has seriously annoyed me. Especially this bit
If you was a serious recluse for as long as I've been would you find it so easy to change & break this cycle?.
You've made a judgement about Mira there. Not a good quality for someone who is going to be volunteering for the Samaritans. How do you know Mira isn't reclusive? How do you know what he goes through? If you had actually read Mira's thread, you would know he has AVPD, avoidant personality disorder. His disorder goes far further than just being reclusive. So yes, he does know how hard it is to be reclusive, but you know what? He's still fighting to change that. He's putting himself out of his comfort zone to seek treatment.
If you want things to change then actually do something about it. Have you even bothered looking at the recovery college I gave you the link to?
I think we may have a different idea about what a recluse is. You talk about going out with a group. A few times now.
You ask me if it would be easy to break that cycle if I was a serious recluse like you are. I have no idea if you or I have it worse. Its not a contest. But I do find it a bit dismisive. You assume your situations and troubles are worse then mine by asking that question.
Insecurities are horrible. I know. I have a whole bunch of diagnosed disorders. But I am still trying to break that cycle. And i know how hard it is. But i guess i can not see what you are going through. Since you have this for so long and so intense.
I truly wish you all the best and that you find a way to break this cycle and find joy.
magie06
27-06-19, 09:46 PM
When I was trying to get over my first severe depression, I thought I'd only have to take these tablets, do the talking therapy and I'd be cured. It really doesn't work like that unfortunately.
1. I had to take the meds, every day at the same time. Yes, they are chemicals, yes there is a lot to be said about nasty side effects, yes I'll probably be on them for the rest of my life.
I'm also an asthmatic. Yes I have to take my meds every day, at the same time every day. Yes, they are nasty chemicals, yes the side effects can be dreadful, but if I don't take them I could DIE!
I also suffer from rheumatoid arthritis. I've undergone 2 major operations in the last 14 weeks. Yes, I take meds for my condition. Yes, they are nasty chemicals and yes they have side effects. But if I don't take them, then I will be in severe pain, and not able to keep going with my daily life.
I also have a severe allergy to Latex. I am on the Mac dose of antihistamine and if I miss a dose and come into contact with something as innocent as a balloon, then I could DIE!
I've done the talking therapy. I've done more than one talking therapy. The first was just getting somewhere and then the sessions stopped. The second one was dreadful. I didn't click with the therapist. The third was group therapy and I didn't open my mouth for the first 4 sessions. But then, the group therapy coincided with individual therapy and for the first time I got somewhere. And then my therapist changed. It took a while to trust someone new, but I stuck it out and I finished, but still have her number if things get on top of me again.
None of these things would have happened if I didn't help myself. The first time someone said - write 3 positives per day - well I thought they were mad. There was nothing positive in my life, how could I find 3? But I tried, and it became easier. Repeating things on a daily basis makes it easier.
Then one day, I got up and I found I was able to go out for a walk to the shop. Then later, I was actually able to go in and buy something. Eventually, I got to know the people who work there, and I can call in now and have a conversation about everything and anything. But I couldn't do it straight away. It takes practice and patience.
I know not everyone's situation is the same as mine. That's the thing with depression. You can't look at a group of people and pick 3 out of 4 of them and say, you are depressed. Depression doesn't care if you are young or old. It doesn't care if you have money or not. It doesn't care if you live with your mum or live with a loving partner. Depression just IS.
The love and support from each and every person here has changed my life. If I've had a good day, then the forum needs me. If I've had a (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)ty day then I need the forum.
In life when you get hooked up to a heart machine, the line goes up and down. It's only when you are dead that it is a straight line. You can either accept the lows as they come and do something about it, or you can just count down the days until that line goes flat.
Ok, I'm going to highlight this as it has seriously annoyed me. Especially this bit
You've made a judgement about Mira there. Not a good quality for someone who is going to be volunteering for the Samaritans. How do you know Mira isn't reclusive? How do you know what he goes through? If you had actually read Mira's thread, you would know he has AVPD, avoidant personality disorder. His disorder goes far further than just being reclusive. So yes, he does know how hard it is to be reclusive, but you know what? He's still fighting to change that. He's putting himself out of his comfort zone to seek treatment.
If you want things to change then actually do something about it. Have you even bothered looking at the recovery college I gave you the link to?
Why has me simply replying to recent posts & giving an update annoyed you?. I shouldn't have assumed that about Mira so I apologize but I was replying to his post that implied I say thanks just for the sake for it when I genuinely appreciate every piece of advice I receive. It's not fair for you to say you're seriously annoyed, for what reason? I've not even said anything wrong, I was simply explaining a few things ffs!. When you respond in that manner it sets a precedence because you're a well respected member on here so now I look like a dickhead purely on your response. That's not right & it makes me wonder why I even bother on here at times.
I think we may have a different idea about what a recluse is. You talk about going out with a group. A few times now.
You ask me if it would be easy to break that cycle if I was a serious recluse like you are. I have no idea if you or I have it worse. Its not a contest. But I do find it a bit dismisive. You assume your situations and troubles are worse then mine by asking that question.
Insecurities are horrible. I know. I have a whole bunch of diagnosed disorders. But I am still trying to break that cycle. And i know how hard it is. But i guess i can not see what you are going through. Since you have this for so long and so intense.
I truly wish you all the best and that you find a way to break this cycle and find joy.
Sorry if I came across judgemental, I didn't know your history until now of course. You implied that I thank others posts just for the sake of it when I do it as a gesture to express appreciation, especially considering how busy people are, that's all. I live in a challenging environment which is stressful on top of my depression, I know that's not an excuse so apologies if it came across that way. I'm fully aware that people suffer just as much as I do.
We actually have things in common in regards to your situation except with different context. Was your Avoidance disorder based on your childhood would you say?. I've been a recluse ever since my school days & my worrying nature stems from that pretty much. I can imagine it being debilitating for you to even go to the shop never mind attendin a meetup group like I have. It must be really hard, especially if you have depression on top of that. My depression is on top of my worrying mindset so I can't even see the woods from the trees tbh (think).
Let me make this crystal clear.
~ I will NOT tolerate any flippant use of suicide, suggesting that you may do something when you are so lucky that it is NOT a serious issue that you genuine deal with on a daily basis.
~ I will NOT tolerate any belittling of any other member. You do NOT know what they are living with and you do NOT know how their mental health affects them on a daily basis
~ Getting help is NOT expensive. Go and speak to your GP and if you don't like them change.
~ No one is going to do this for you. If you want things to change then you need to do them yourself.
I have decided that I am going to place your account on moderated posts for a while. I am not satisfied that you will not keep on breaking the guidelines I have set, I think that tonight's posts show that actually what you say and the way you say it is not only really triggering for others, but actually dangerous. I am shocked that someone who feels that they are the right kind of person to apply and volunteer for the Samaritans would EVER speak to anyone in the disrespectful and dangerous way you have tonight.
If you choose not to post any more then that is your decision and I wish you well for the future. However I shall be closing this thread now and any further posts you make will have to be approved by me personally. I will not ask any of my team to deal with you after your posts tonight.
Jaquaia
27-06-19, 10:27 PM
Why has me simply replying to recent posts & giving an update annoyed you?. I shouldn't have assumed that about Mira so I apologize but I was replying to his post that implied I say thanks just for the sake for it when I genuinely appreciate every piece of advice I receive. It's not fair for you to say you're seriously annoyed, for what reason? I've not even said anything wrong, I was simply explaining a few things ffs!. When you respond in that manner it sets a precedence because you're a well respected member on here so now I look like a dickhead purely on your response. That's not right & it makes me wonder why I even bother on here at times.
.
You made an assumption that you have things so much worse to a vulnerable member. That is what you did wrong. That negates their experience. You're right, you shouldn't have assumed. You have no idea what those kinds of assumptions can do to those who are struggling.
You've been asked countless times to stop and think about what you're saying before you post, we don't compare here. We don't say that we've got it worse than others. Everyone's experience is as valid as everyone elses. It really is as simple as that
You’ve mentioned being a hypochondriac a few times so I’ve done a little research. This is the link to the NHS information on this debilitating condition https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/health-anxiety/ with info on symptoms that someone with hypochondria would have, and good ideas on how to help yourself recover from this. Perhaps your first step would be to get a diagnosis from a doctor and then ask for help in dealing with it. Like other chronic health conditions, recovery starts from oneself.
As to your remarks to Mira, you were out of order. You obviously have no idea what struggles he has, no caring person would have made those comments otherwise. For 5 years now you come back to DWD regularly with exactly the same complaints and issues yet you refuse to help yourself - sometimes, yes, you start doing something but as soon as there’s a bump in the road you back out and blame everyone but yourself for it going wrong. Mira, on the other hand, works hard every single day to try to beat the conditions he has to deal with. And he does that while also showing a huge amount of empathy and care to every other member of this forum. And he never complains. In my opinion, you owe him an apology.
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