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Jaquaia
06-07-19, 06:46 PM
Maybe. And possibly because I sometimes think that how I feel is unreasonable.

Paula
06-07-19, 07:50 PM
How you feel is never unreasonable, as you tell us all the time ....

Jaquaia
06-07-19, 08:06 PM
I embrace hypocrisy!!!

Suzi
06-07-19, 08:35 PM
As do I my love, but only in myself... You need to spill.....

Jaquaia
06-07-19, 08:55 PM
Just one example... I follow him on fb, not sure how I did it but left it as it was as she can't see so no hassle. Yesterday he posted photos of T's half birthday party and tagged her and it bothered me. He warned me what he'd done but I'd already seen the post and I shrugged it off as ok. Except it raised my insecurities. It's the happy family illusion that it implies while our relationship is a secret, it's my head telling me that maybe he would prefer to have his children all the time and he would consider going back to her to achieve that. It's my head convincing me that she's expecting him to try again. I didn't tell him this as I knew he would apologise and he doesn't need to be sorry.

Seeing that written down makes it feel pathetic

magie06
06-07-19, 09:23 PM
It's not pathetic at all. It affects you therefore it's significant.
Thank you for sharing. It means a lot and I knew there was a lot on your mind.
It's a lot to go through when the person you love has children with a previous partner. The children will always come first, whatever the relationship with the partner is like. I think J is just trying to do that. Put his children first. Unfortunately Cruella is going to be in that picture too. I know it hurts, but I know you have the strength to overcome the hurt and push through.
Keep talking, keep telling us how hard and (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)ty, and difficult it is. But know that you have it in you to be the better person.

Paula
06-07-19, 09:23 PM
If it was me at Katie’s party when she was younger, I’d have tagged her dad too. I wouldn’t have seen it as anything more than him being there. It’s not pathetic, love, but you do need to start trusting him. He’s said your relationship will only be secret for a few more weeks, if you love him you have to believe that there is no ‘happy families’ with Cruella.

selena
06-07-19, 09:27 PM
This situation can really hurt. You are actually very strong, although very fragile at the same time. I cannot judge, but I think she uses manipulations a lot. Anyway it will come to an end and you will finally be able to go together public.

Jaquaia
06-07-19, 09:32 PM
If it was me at Katie’s party when she was younger, I’d have tagged her dad too. I wouldn’t have seen it as anything more than him being there. It’s not pathetic, love, but you do need to start trusting him. He’s said your relationship will only be secret for a few more weeks, if you love him you have to believe that there is no ‘happy families’ with Cruella.

I trust him yet I can't shut up these voices that he can do so much better than me. I don't doubt for a second how he feels about me, it's my head that is screwed up. I understand why he tagged her, she was there and she is their mum, it just didn't stop it hurting. I thought that hurt was unreasonable so I never said anything

Paula
06-07-19, 09:46 PM
It’s not unreasonable but...... When Katies dad met his now wife, I was hugely pregnant with Jess. He told her about Katie, about me and about my pregnancy. Years later, she told me that she thought I was pregnant with his baby and it took her a long time to pluck up the courage to ask him. She could have walked away, and would have saved herself a lot of heartache if she’d just talked to him.......

Jaquaia
06-07-19, 09:51 PM
I've finally talked to him but he'd already guessed. I just feel pathetically needy. I'm hoping it will be easier once we go public.

Paula
06-07-19, 10:10 PM
Well done, lovely

Suzi
07-07-19, 07:02 AM
I'm so glad you have talked to him. Did you tell him everything?

Jaquaia
07-07-19, 10:57 AM
I did. He's smug because he was right.

Suzi
07-07-19, 11:19 AM
Lol! I s'pose him being smug is OK for now....

Jaquaia
07-07-19, 12:54 PM
I know I need to talk to him but my instinct is to hide. It's hard to get past that.

Suzi
07-07-19, 02:06 PM
I can understand that when you've had such crap in the past. It is a learning curve. Took me a long time with Marc too.... But it will happen....

Jaquaia
07-07-19, 02:31 PM
Had a lovely day at my sisters. Lots of talk about her pregnancy, a newborn in the house, then Scarlett stabbed me with a fork, scratched my arm with it, threw her slipper in my face and then threw my dads phone at me...

magie06
07-07-19, 04:33 PM
What did you do to upset Scarlett? I really hope your sister is giving extra hugs, kisses and reassurance that Scarlett will still be her little girl.

Jaquaia
07-07-19, 04:53 PM
I told her to take the fork out of my hair

Paula
07-07-19, 05:00 PM
What did you do to upset Scarlett? I really hope your sister is giving extra hugs, kisses and reassurance that Scarlett will still be her little girl.

Added to what Magie’s saying, Scarlett may also be acting out as she’s worried she’ll lose you to the baby ....

Jaquaia
07-07-19, 05:29 PM
I'm not sure she even remembers what my name is...

Suzi
07-07-19, 06:22 PM
I was exactly going to say what Paula and Magie have said - sweetheart she's going to be feeling really pushed out because of "the baby" and she adores you - she will be pushing you because negative attention is much easier to get than positive......

Jaquaia
07-07-19, 06:35 PM
Maybe

Mira
07-07-19, 06:41 PM
How does this all make you feel?

Paula
07-07-19, 06:50 PM
Not maybe, hunni. Katie was 3 when I was pregnant with Jess. Believe me, she’s pushing you

Suzi
07-07-19, 09:01 PM
I had a hideous time with Ben when I was pg with Hazel and then Fern...

Jaquaia
09-07-19, 11:55 AM
Heading out to the OT, see what I come home with today...

Suzi
09-07-19, 01:17 PM
Good luck lovely!

Jaquaia
09-07-19, 03:56 PM
I've got some foam tube to put on narrow things to help me grip things like forks better, some dycem mat to help me open jars, and lots of advice on how to do things to protect my joints and advice on aids. My next appointment is to teach me hand exercises then it should be discharge I think.

Paula
09-07-19, 04:57 PM
That sounds positive?

Strugglingmum
09-07-19, 05:20 PM
Did you find it all helpful???

Jaquaia
09-07-19, 05:23 PM
It was. It also showed me just how little notice my mum took when she had these sessions.

Strugglingmum
09-07-19, 05:39 PM
I guess with any treatment/therapy you get out of it what you put in. Today I've realised some people see to be programmed not to listen.

Suzi
09-07-19, 07:12 PM
Absolutely SM. It's about what you put in.... Glad you found it helpful lovely x

Mira
09-07-19, 07:14 PM
Some people are more aware of what they are told in sessions. And in life general. I dont think your mum is one of those. But you are.

Jaquaia
09-07-19, 11:17 PM
I spoke to J about all the aids that could help me if my hands get really bad and asked if he'd be ok with having a house full of them. His response was pretty much he doesn't care as long as it helps me. Never expected any different really (inlove). Going to order some of the pen grips ready for September, she let us try some today and they made holding a pen so much more comfortable.

TOTM has arrived, my mood being so low lately makes perfect sense now. It feels ridiculous just how much hormones drop my mood.

Paula
09-07-19, 11:37 PM
It’s not ridiculous, though I’m wondering if there’s anything your doctor can do to help you. I know it’s all tricky, but is it worth asking if there’s something you haven’t tried?

Mira
10-07-19, 04:55 AM
That is a good point Paula makes. We also looked into that with my ex. Her mood started to drop a week before totm and they did find something that could have an effect on it.

And I would have thought J would respind that way. I think he is great for you. This is a practical response so he is thinking about practical things and with the amount of love he has for you..... I am so happy for you.

Suzi
10-07-19, 08:38 AM
I agree with Paula, there are loads of options.... Definitely worth talking to your GP.

Jaquaia
10-07-19, 11:01 AM
I don't think my GP would be willing to touch my meds but I can bring up the issue when I next see him.

Suzi
10-07-19, 12:33 PM
There may be something different? What about the pill?

magie06
10-07-19, 12:44 PM
Jaq I used to suffer terribly from mood swings before and even during my totm. I mentioned it to my GP and she had a look at my meds. She suggested the pill, but it gave me migraine when I was on it before. So she suggested a coil. It has helped enormously. I'm not saying the mood swings are completely gone, but they are certainly much, much less than they were before. Also the coil has made my very heavy periods much lighter than they were. And it doesn't interfere with my meds.
It's not for everyone. But do a bit of research, it just might help. I was very weary at first but really it has helped.

Jaquaia
10-07-19, 01:19 PM
I've been told a few times that they won't prescribe me the pill because of my weight as I don't need to prevent pregnancy. I will talk to my gp when I go.

Paula
10-07-19, 01:52 PM
Have you had that conversation since you lost the weight?

Jaquaia
10-07-19, 02:15 PM
I can't remember. I think the gp did mention it earlier in the year/late last year when they called me in to discuss my blood results

Mira
10-07-19, 02:29 PM
I remember when I was with my ex in the hospital they also talked about taking the pill. If only to level the balance and make the moods less heavy.

Suzi
10-07-19, 03:31 PM
Go, talk to them - the worst they can say is that they'll do nothing... At best you can get some help.

Paula
10-07-19, 03:46 PM
You sound reluctant to have the pill, are you?

Jaquaia
10-07-19, 04:37 PM
A little. I was on it as a teen because of some medication I was on and I put on weight.

Paula
10-07-19, 06:08 PM
But, like ADs, there’s loads of different types and some will suit, some won’t. You won’t know until you talk to your doctor ...

Suzi
10-07-19, 08:46 PM
Exactly. You know this.... You just haven't put yourself high enough in need of talking to someone about how you are being affected...

Jaquaia
10-07-19, 09:53 PM
I will speak to my doctor when I go

Suzi
11-07-19, 08:02 AM
When are you due to go next?

Jaquaia
11-07-19, 03:37 PM
I might have to go soon. I've developed a rash on my ankles...

magie06
11-07-19, 03:38 PM
Could it be a reaction to grass or the heat?

Jaquaia
11-07-19, 03:48 PM
I'm thinking maybe the grass as I was on it yesterday hanging out bedding and my eyes started itching and watering on my lesson as the council were out cutting grass

Suzi
11-07-19, 05:28 PM
That always sets me off.... If it doesn't go down with an antihistamine (- can you take one being on metho? ) Then I think you'd best get yourself checked out....

Mira
11-07-19, 05:30 PM
Hey, just wanted to say hi. Sorry to hear about the rash and everything else. Just sending a (panda)

Jaquaia
11-07-19, 06:00 PM
That always sets me off.... If it doesn't go down with an antihistamine (- can you take one being on metho? ) Then I think you'd best get yourself checked out....

I don't actually know, I'm just finding it weird that it's only on my ankles!

Suzi
11-07-19, 08:15 PM
Did your ankles touch any plants?

Jaquaia
11-07-19, 08:53 PM
Not that I can remember but I was on the garden yesterday and I had shorts on

Suzi
11-07-19, 09:52 PM
I've been living in shorts too! (I did promise the kids I wouldn't get out of the car in them though!) I've been attacked by midges!

Jaquaia
11-07-19, 10:40 PM
My mum thought it was maybe heat rash but my inner left ankle felt like it was burning and heat rash has never done that to me before. It's settled down since I've been indoors.

Suzi
12-07-19, 08:39 AM
How is it now?

Jaquaia
12-07-19, 09:04 AM
Still there but not red today.

OldMike
12-07-19, 09:08 AM
Sounds like some sort of allergic reaction, looks like it's subsiding which is good :)

Suzi
12-07-19, 09:50 AM
Have you taken anything?

Jaquaia
12-07-19, 10:11 AM
No, Bob did offer me something yesterday as he suffers with hayfever, but I know I should check what I can take first.

Suzi
12-07-19, 10:52 AM
Absolutely..... Worth a call to your pharmacy....

Paula
13-07-19, 08:22 AM
Morning, how’s things?

Suzi
13-07-19, 10:21 AM
Did you speak to your pharmacist?

You're quiet - what's going on?

Jaquaia
13-07-19, 12:05 PM
I've been reading a lot. Going to my sisters for Scarlett's birthday, don't really want to but can't keep avoiding things.

Suzi
13-07-19, 12:50 PM
You've got us as a backup if you need it lovely...

Jaquaia
13-07-19, 01:17 PM
I know. Thank you

OldMike
13-07-19, 02:07 PM
Jaq don't forget Suzi has sp*dey senses and will be right there for you as we all are, if you want an old guys opinion I'm your man (giggle)

Mira
13-07-19, 03:39 PM
I can sense things are not ok too. But I think its easy to spot. The avoiding is something I am familiar with. And its horrible. I know that going to that birthday is all that great. But if you dont expect anything nice to happen then you might be suprised by a little thing when it does happen. I do wish sometimes when you talk about reading that I would read more. I like it but dont do it.

And because I want to give you one here is a (panda)

Paula
13-07-19, 05:33 PM
How are you doing, hunni?

Suzi
13-07-19, 05:45 PM
How goes it?

Jaquaia
13-07-19, 06:10 PM
I survived. Stayed inside talking to my brother and his girlfriend most of the time and I just ignored the ex friend when she arrived. Tired now though

Mira
13-07-19, 07:04 PM
Now you can do something relaxing for you. You deserve it.

Paula
13-07-19, 07:22 PM
Well done, hunni

Suzi
13-07-19, 10:25 PM
You've done great. Now you need to reward yourself...

Jaquaia
13-07-19, 10:33 PM
I've been reading since we got back, though I have a headache now

Suzi
14-07-19, 09:32 AM
How are you this morning lovely? Are you pacing today?

OldMike
14-07-19, 10:58 AM
Morning Jaq how's things going? (panda)

Jaquaia
14-07-19, 01:35 PM
I'm doing the washing but I am reading between washes

Suzi
14-07-19, 05:13 PM
You sound flat.... How's your mood? When are you seeing J next?

Jaquaia
14-07-19, 06:03 PM
He's just left, we've been watching the cricket but he's had to head off to work.

Mira
14-07-19, 06:56 PM
When are you seeing him again?

Suzi
14-07-19, 07:06 PM
So... How's your mood? - you didn't answer....... I'm trying to find out if you are just avoiding the questions.....

Jaquaia
14-07-19, 07:17 PM
When are you seeing him again?
Tuesday :)


So... How's your mood? - you didn't answer....... I'm trying to find out if you are just avoiding the questions.....

It's mostly ok. Anxiety is high at the moment, the cricket is nailbiting!!!

Suzi
14-07-19, 10:03 PM
Cricket? Nail biting? Cricket? Really?

Jaquaia
14-07-19, 10:46 PM
It was brilliant!!! England needed 15 runs from 6 balls to win and ended up scoring 14 which meant they drew. They did something called a super over, which is 6 balls for each team. England scored 15, New Zealand ended up scoring 15 as their batsman got run out on the final ball and England won on the superior number of boundaries in the super over! World cup champions!!!

Suzi
15-07-19, 07:47 AM
I've never seen the appeal of cricket! My friend at primary's Dad used to play and we used to go and help with the cricket tea! How anyone could run after eating so much cake I've no idea!


How are you today lovely?

Jaquaia
15-07-19, 08:23 AM
So so. Been awake since just before 7 so talked to J as he drove home from work. Was interrupted by a horrendous smell... Talia had (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) her bed... this is what happens when she behaves like a dick instead of actually doing her business before bed! Had just settled back down when my mum decided to tell me she needs me to go to the hospital with her as she will need her wheelchair...

Still... staying at J's tomorrow night and we're going out for the day so I get to escape!!!

Suzi
15-07-19, 09:52 AM
Oh love! Talia seems to have issues at night a lot... That's horrible for you.
Hope the hospital with your Mum wasn't too bad...

Jaquaia
15-07-19, 10:39 AM
She hasn't done it for a while now because I leave her out on a night until she's done everything she needs to do but last night she was barking at the fence so I had to bring her in.

Hospital would go better if she actually listened to what her doctors told her. She was telling her consultant that pain management are taking her off all of her opioid meds and they're not. They're only taking her off the immediate release opioids as that consultant thinks that less opiods may mean the nerve blocks work better. Then she completely changed what the bowel and bladder nurse said to her...

Paula
15-07-19, 10:48 AM
Were you able to contradict her?

Jaquaia
15-07-19, 11:19 AM
I jumped straight in and corrected her as I know they need to know to treat her properly. Though I have found out that I have to see an opthamologist in a few years as they've changed the guidelines for hydroxychloroquine. They're starting my mum on it and apparently they've decided an opticians check isn't detailed enough.

Suzi
15-07-19, 02:30 PM
My friend takes the hydra too... I don't know if she knows about that - I'll pass it on!

So.... you've had a trying morning. What's the plan for the rest of the day?

Jaquaia
15-07-19, 02:52 PM
Well I got home, helped my dad sort out the makro shop, ordered the rest of the shopping, have washed Talia's bedding and the towels and am now settling down to read. Tomorrow I need to be up and out early, meeting J in Beverley around 9 and then we might be going up to Goathland :)

Paula
15-07-19, 05:26 PM
What’s Goathland?

Jaquaia
15-07-19, 05:32 PM
It's a village up in the Yorkshire Moors. They filmed Heartbeat there. It's lovely, we went for a 1st year fieldtrip at uni and I ended up on my arse in the mud (rofl)

Jaquaia
16-07-19, 12:44 PM
I just thought I'd share...

I'VE BEEN ON A STEAM TRAIN!!!!

It's so cool!!!

Suzi
16-07-19, 12:52 PM
That IS cool! There's something romantic about a steam train...

OMG And you've turned blue! :)

Paula
16-07-19, 02:01 PM
Its a beautiful blue too ;)

Jaquaia
16-07-19, 02:34 PM
Blue is my favourite colour too!!!

It's steam on the way back too!!!! I love steam, it's surprised J just how much. It's like stepping back in time!

Suzi
16-07-19, 03:14 PM
I didn't know that! I just wanted it to be something different!

Jaquaia
16-07-19, 09:43 PM
It's a lovely blue too!!!

Nice relaxing evening, I'm sat reading and J is sat on the floor modelling and watching Dr Who. I'd be happy having many evenings like this (inlove)

OldMike
16-07-19, 10:33 PM
A very calming blue :) Jaq. Jaq have you been on the footplate of a steam engine yet? My sister has she was out with hubby she was invited on to the footplate and her hubs wasn't.

I like steam trains though as kid I lived next a siding and mum used to "There's smuts on my washing it's those bloody steam trains again"

I'm so glad you and J had a brilliant day out.

Jaquaia
17-07-19, 09:45 PM
My module result is due on Tuesday.... eek!!! Cue panic mode!!!

Paula
17-07-19, 10:55 PM
You’ll be fine, you always are. You’ve absolutely got this!

Jaquaia
17-07-19, 11:02 PM
I'm nervous. I hadn't realised it was so soon.

Paula
17-07-19, 11:13 PM
Just spend half an hour tomorrow morning on planning it out, allowing for rest time. You’ve been doing this a while now so you know what you’re doing. You will get it done :)

Jaquaia
17-07-19, 11:33 PM
I have a driving lesson to distract me tomorrow morning. Then I might do some work to prepare for my next modules. At least I'm pretty much guaranteed to pass, unless I've massively messed the last essay up

Suzi
18-07-19, 07:56 AM
You're going to be amazingly brilliant! You always are!

Jaquaia
18-07-19, 02:43 PM
Driving was good this morning. We passed my old instructor while I was behind the wheel so big grin as I drove past! Took a corner a bit fast but it's all a learning curve and I'm getting there!

Suzi
18-07-19, 03:35 PM
Hope you pointed her out to Bob!

Jaquaia
18-07-19, 03:44 PM
Oh yes!!! We've seen her before and I pointed her out. I told him today that she expected me to be pretty much independent after 4 lessons and he thought it was ridiculous

Mira
18-07-19, 06:18 PM
That is rediculous. Even the best among us do not make it that fast. It is great that it was a good lesson. How is the work on the modules going?

I like the new blue color :)

Jaquaia
18-07-19, 06:26 PM
It's pretty!!!

New modules start the 5th October. Textbooks should be sent out next month. Excited but worried about the workload.

Suzi
18-07-19, 09:48 PM
I'm so pleased you changed instructor! You're so much more confident!
You will be fine! If at any time you need to take a back seat here all you have to do is say... You WILL be awesome!

Jaquaia
18-07-19, 10:03 PM
I know. Thanks lovely. :)

I'm going to try my hardest to keep on top of everything this year.

Paula
18-07-19, 10:41 PM
You’ve never failed to date, lovely, you’re not going to do it this time either ;)

Jaquaia
18-07-19, 10:42 PM
I wish I had even half the faith in myself that you guys have in me

Paula
18-07-19, 10:44 PM
Well, that’s what you’ve got us for ;)

magie06
18-07-19, 10:46 PM
Pom poms waving from all the way over here!!

Suzi
19-07-19, 07:27 AM
Morning lovely! How goes it today?

OldMike
19-07-19, 03:18 PM
I've complete faith in you Jaq as have the ladies on this thread.

Jaquaia
19-07-19, 04:41 PM
Morning lovely! How goes it today?

Tired. Wading through treacle tired so probably flaring a bit, and I'm irritable too. Reading though, my brother will be here later but I will have my "f*** off I'm reading" bookmark in full view (giggle)

Mira
19-07-19, 05:02 PM
Haha and does he know its best to leave you be when he sees it?

Mira
19-07-19, 05:03 PM
And I almost forgot a (panda)

Paula
19-07-19, 05:32 PM
Good plan, do whatever you need to, lovely

Suzi
19-07-19, 07:15 PM
How's the day been love?

Jaquaia
19-07-19, 07:52 PM
I'm struggling. Got roped into helping my dad put in his new aquarium filter, he's been drinking so is being a bit obnoxious, my brother will be going home soon though so I can escape...

Suzi
19-07-19, 09:07 PM
I haven't heard you say you are struggling for a while. Well done.
Are you free to escape yet?

Jaquaia
19-07-19, 09:10 PM
I've escaped. Have settled down with my book

Suzi
19-07-19, 09:29 PM
(panda) Hope you are escaping properly and are able to sleep well lovely....

Jaquaia
19-07-19, 09:32 PM
I'm addicted to the Throne of Glass book by Sarah J Maas. Currently reading the 6th one in the series, J surprised me with it (inlove)

Jaquaia
20-07-19, 03:25 PM
Found an app called my library. Only scanned a shelf and a half and the pile on my bedside table and already hit 85 books. There's another 60 in my to read pile and and 10 or so boxes in the shed plus another 2 shelves, one of which is double stacked...

Suzi
20-07-19, 04:49 PM
Lol! That's so cool! :)

Jaquaia
20-07-19, 05:17 PM
Finished my bookshelves! 158 books so far!!! Not even quarter of the way through what I've got...

Not got a lot of energy today so trying to take it easy.

Mira
20-07-19, 05:45 PM
Thats good. And I love how you can be into reading. I am a bit jealous to be honoust.

Jaquaia
20-07-19, 06:37 PM
I have been since I was a child. I literally have hundreds and hundreds of books, it's one thing I couldn't live without. I think you just need to find the right book for you. I will read anything and everything whereas my brother sticks to historical fiction or books by Terry Pratchett or Tom Holt and J sticks to factual books on the railway and railway modelling.

Paula
20-07-19, 07:20 PM
I know what you mean, I currently have over 1000 books in my unread Kindle library ..... :)

Jaquaia
20-07-19, 08:02 PM
I have a few hundred on my kindle too!

Suzi
20-07-19, 09:54 PM
I have 100's too.... and on my kindle too ;)

Jaquaia
21-07-19, 03:42 PM
Fatigue is well and truly kicking my arse today! So resting and reading.

Paula
21-07-19, 05:55 PM
She listens! ;)

Jaquaia
21-07-19, 06:01 PM
Don't get used to it (giggle)

magie06
21-07-19, 06:15 PM
Can you have a nap before it gets much later?

Jaquaia
21-07-19, 06:50 PM
I'll be ok as long as I take it easy

Suzi
21-07-19, 10:40 PM
Hope you have been taking it easy..

Jaquaia
21-07-19, 10:52 PM
Just reading. I've started "To Kill a Mockingbird"

Suzi
21-07-19, 11:01 PM
Love it!

My girls have both studied it at school. I think it's brilliant that they are using it in school and not hiding from it..

Jaquaia
21-07-19, 11:03 PM
I've never read it before but it was only £1.75 in the bookshop in Pickering!

Suzi
21-07-19, 11:40 PM
How have you never read it? I'd have thought you would have done years ago!

Jaquaia
22-07-19, 12:08 AM
It's never come up at school or at college

Suzi
22-07-19, 07:52 AM
Have you finished it? Did you love it?

Jaquaia
22-07-19, 09:14 AM
I only started it late last night. Good chance I'll have it finished tonight though.

Paula
22-07-19, 10:40 AM
Amazing book!

Jaquaia
22-07-19, 10:43 AM
Just had another large bill come through the door. Just when I think I'm getting on top of things, something else comes along :(

Paula
22-07-19, 10:52 AM
Did you have any idea it was coming?

Jaquaia
22-07-19, 11:12 AM
None at all. I never had a letter about it, turns out it was sent 4 months after I moved from the first house with dickhead. Yet again, him refusing to let me pay my outstanding debts as him gambling was more important.

Paula
22-07-19, 02:03 PM
Is it a bill you’re liable for or should he be paying it?

Jaquaia
22-07-19, 02:22 PM
It's a credit card bill. I was naive and lent my parents £400 off it towards the mortgage as my mum was on sick and they were struggling to pay it. It got spent on Christmas instead and I can't remember really getting the money back. Then I had to replace £200 of my uni accommodation rent as my cousin had borrowed it (she wrote the cheques as I didn't have a chequebook) and she didn't have chance to put it back. Never got that back either. I was only able to make minimum payments so it wasn't coming down much, then dickhead wouldn't let me keep up payments. J has suggested me seeing his solicitor and chasing dickhead for money but it's my debt and my word against his about him not letting me pay.

Paula
22-07-19, 04:25 PM
Sweetheart, please go to Citizens Advice. I’m sure they can help you manage/write off the debt in your circumstances

Jaquaia
22-07-19, 04:34 PM
I'm managing to pay off a lot, it just wasn't expected. I've paid off well over a grand in the last year so it's all coming down and is manageable, especially since I've dropped my payments. I'll work out what I can manage and get in touch and make an offer and make sure they're aware of my mental health issues too.

Doesn't help that J has let me know that his parents have paid for him to take the children to Cumbria for 4 days and he doesn't even know if he'll be able to ring me. I just sometimes feel like things will always be like this and I will always spend a large part of my time feeling lonely...

Me thinks my mood is low today...

Mira
22-07-19, 04:45 PM
(panda)

Suzi
22-07-19, 04:52 PM
Oh sweetheart (panda)(panda) Why wouldn't he be able to call?

Jaquaia
22-07-19, 05:04 PM
He doesn't know what the signal is going to be like

magie06
22-07-19, 06:54 PM
Oh honey. What a lovely gift to be given but a bummer about the signal. But, again you're borrowing trouble before you know the full story. The signal might be brilliant. They may have broadband and if you have messenger, he can send messages free.

Jaquaia
22-07-19, 07:41 PM
He's said it's quite rural and signal was pretty bad when he was up there last year

Just finished "To Kill a Mockingbird"... wow! What an amazing book! And uncomfortable knowing that people still hold those views.

J has bought me the last book in the series I've been reading so about to start that.

Suzi
22-07-19, 09:05 PM
I knew you'd love TKAMB! It's amazing. It's something that I feel everyone should read!

Jaquaia
22-07-19, 09:07 PM
It's amazing!!! Trying to get as much reading done before uni starts again as I can

Suzi
22-07-19, 09:09 PM
I love reading, I've missed it, but am doing much more recently and loving it!

Jaquaia
22-07-19, 09:16 PM
My results are in early... overall I got 78 which is a pass. Can't lie, I'm disappointed.

Paula
22-07-19, 09:16 PM
Oh honey. What a lovely gift to be given but a bummer about the signal. But, again you're borrowing trouble before you know the full story. The signal might be brilliant. They may have broadband and if you have messenger, he can send messages free.

Magie is absolutely right. Ok, mobile signals might be bad but most places have WiFi so you can call over Skype, FaceTime, messenger or WhatsApp. I can’t believe it’s so rural they don’t have WiFi - there’s so many ways to call someone, lovely

Suzi
22-07-19, 10:08 PM
You've passed! That's brilliant! Why are you disappointed?

Jaquaia
22-07-19, 10:13 PM
I don't know. Part of me just never feels like I've done enough. The grade boundaries do tend to be a lot higher with the OU than with a brick uni. 85% is a First, compared with 70% at a brick uni.

Suzi
23-07-19, 07:40 AM
Sweetheart, you do enough. You are more than enough.

Jaquaia
23-07-19, 08:13 AM
Not sure I'll ever see it. When I got my A level results, I rang my mum and told her I got A, B, C, D... "yes, and?"... even when the D got upgraded later on (I sat my A levels the year of the marking scandal) I never really got a well done. Same at school, dropped 2 marks in a geography test once and got told it wasn't good enough by my teacher. I know he was trying to be funny as I'd got full marks on the previous test but it didn't make me feel very good.

Just read my feedback. They said my essay had a good structure and good argument but only gave me a bare pass for that aspect. I don't understand why?? Still, it doesn't count towards my final degree classification so no point arguing about it.

Suzi
23-07-19, 08:42 AM
There's ALWAYS point in questioning something if you don't understand it. If you don't then how can you improve?

Jaquaia
23-07-19, 09:19 AM
I have lots of feedback, it's one thing I like about the OU, I just don't have the energy to question it right now.

Suzi
23-07-19, 09:47 AM
Yeah you do....

magie06
23-07-19, 10:06 AM
Sure you do! Take a break, have a cuppa, and then make the call.

Paula
23-07-19, 10:12 AM
There's ALWAYS point in questioning something if you don't understand it. If you don't then how can you improve?

Exactly, that’s the point of feedback. Even if it doesn’t change the grade, it’s worth knowing what the marker is thinking

Jaquaia
23-07-19, 11:02 AM
I'll have a think about it

Suzi
23-07-19, 11:42 AM
Go for it! :)

Jaquaia
23-07-19, 06:25 PM
Done my good deed for the day and returned a gorgeous french bulldog puppy to her owners. For some unknown reason, they keep leaving their front door open. J returned her a week ago and I did today. Funny things was, J picked her up and handed her to me, then leaned in to give me a kiss goodbye... he ended up with a face full of dog slobber (rofl)

Suzi
23-07-19, 07:04 PM
Well done! :)

Jaquaia
23-07-19, 10:34 PM
Though I seem to have lost one of my splints...

Suzi
24-07-19, 08:54 AM
Did you find it? How are you today? Anything nice planned?

Paula
24-07-19, 09:41 AM
You ok today? Honestly?

Jaquaia
24-07-19, 11:49 AM
Not found it. It came off when I handed the dog back and couldn't see it. I'm seeing the OT on Monday so I will ask for another one.

I'm mostly ok, tired and a bit flat but ok. Intending to try and finish my book

Paula
24-07-19, 12:31 PM
Did you ask about the feedback?

Jaquaia
24-07-19, 12:53 PM
I haven't. Not yet

Suzi
24-07-19, 01:47 PM
Go on, send that email... ;)

Paula
24-07-19, 06:35 PM
Why are you hesitant to ask?

Jaquaia
24-07-19, 06:45 PM
I don't know. Probably because I was given a lot of feedback, this year doesn't count, and my tutor hasn't even seen the last assignment

Suzi
24-07-19, 06:58 PM
It's still worth asking love...

Jaquaia
24-07-19, 09:00 PM
I've just finished reading Kingdom of Ash, the last book in the Throne of Glass series by Sarah J Maas... I haven't cried so much at a book since Snape died...

Paula
24-07-19, 10:05 PM
What?? Shape is dead?? :o

Suzi
24-07-19, 10:06 PM
(rofl)(rofl)

Jaquaia
24-07-19, 10:17 PM
(rofl)(rofl)

Suzi
25-07-19, 08:42 AM
How are you today lovely?

Jaquaia
25-07-19, 08:57 AM
Tired, hot, and my nose is streaming...

Suzi
25-07-19, 09:01 AM
(panda) Can you do things to be kind to you today?

Jaquaia
25-07-19, 11:02 AM
Just got in from my driving lesson and the first thing I've done is get another drink. It's so hot I went out in shorts!

Paula
25-07-19, 11:13 AM
A drink?? Well done! ;)

Jaquaia
25-07-19, 11:18 AM
On my second!!! In fact, nearly finished my second! The coconut milk seems to be making a difference, it's nice being able to eat cereal again. It turns out that I had a problem with cows milk when I was a toddler, my mum had to get drops from the doctor as it was making me sick but they thought I'd grown out of it.

Driving was good. Made a few mistakes, but I'm recognising myself that I've made the mistake and I'm learning from it. I can see a huge improvement from when I started.

Suzi
25-07-19, 01:37 PM
You're amazing.
Funny, my mum suddenly remembered I couldn't tolerate cows milk either when I was little - this after I told her I was completely cutting out all dairy and going vegan! Best thing I did!

Jaquaia
25-07-19, 01:41 PM
I wouldn't go that far but I am drinking. On my 5th drink today and still got told off by J as I'm hardly weeing... (tmi I know!)

Suzi
25-07-19, 01:43 PM
5th drink? That's brilliant!

Jaquaia
25-07-19, 01:46 PM
Mark it down for prosterity as it may never happen again!!! (giggle) Even going to go and get a refill shortly.

Suzi
25-07-19, 01:47 PM
Woohoo!!!

magie06
25-07-19, 02:39 PM
That is awesome. I can't believe you've had so much to drink. The weeing will start shortly and you won't be able able to stop!

Jaquaia
25-07-19, 02:46 PM
I've not had a full bladder once today yet. J has bollocked me for letting myself get so dehydrated in the first place...

Caught my mum out lying too. She's supposed to be cutting down of caffeine as she drinks a LOT of tea, so my dad bought her a box of caffeine free teabags 2 weeks ago. The box looked rather full so I asked her if she's been using them... "yes". How many a day? "Two cups a day"...

So I counted them.

Out of a box of 70, she has 67 left...

Paula
25-07-19, 05:03 PM
How’s the bladder?

Jaquaia
25-07-19, 05:35 PM
Should probably need to go more than I have today...

Suzi
25-07-19, 06:57 PM
How's the drinking going? Would it help if we posted what we had to drink each day? I have started to log mine on my fitness pal. It's really helpful for me.

Jaquaia
25-07-19, 07:15 PM
I ended up dozing off so the drinking has slowed down. On my 7th though and getting a refill very soon

Suzi
25-07-19, 09:24 PM
7?? Isn't that some kind of record? (rofl)

Jaquaia
25-07-19, 09:26 PM
9 or 10 now. Lost count... and have frozen my water bottle insert so I can have cold water for bed...

Suzi
25-07-19, 09:39 PM
I'm so proud!

Jaquaia
25-07-19, 09:53 PM
Cold shower and I almost feel human!!!

Suzi
26-07-19, 09:37 AM
Morning love, what's on your agenda for today?

Jaquaia
26-07-19, 10:02 AM
Not sure yet. Probably reading again. Have to sit downstairs for a bit as the council are here to check the electrics, though he is very nice to look at (giggle)

Suzi
26-07-19, 10:05 AM
Oh mine are coming to do mine next week.... ;( Did you have to move everything away from every plug socket too?

Jaquaia
26-07-19, 10:14 AM
Yes. Though there's a wardrobe in the way in the front bedroom that my dad can't move on his own... and a fish tank in front of the living room sockets....

Suzi
26-07-19, 11:02 AM
Lol, did they tell you it's a 3 hour appointment?

Jaquaia
26-07-19, 11:05 AM
Yep but he's just left. Been here about an hour!

Suzi
26-07-19, 11:15 AM
Lucky you! A Friend in Portsmouth he was there for over 5 hours and ripped tiles off the wall to fix an issue in her kitchen!

Jaquaia
26-07-19, 11:24 AM
He has to come back to sort a few things out and we only have 1 smoke alarm...

Grabbed a second drink already and sat with a bottle of water between my knees as it's been in the fridge a week and feels soooooooo nice!!!!! I think I've lost a few layers of skin off the back of my legs!!! Hate leather sofas...

Suzi
26-07-19, 12:45 PM
Second already? I'm proud!

Jaquaia
26-07-19, 01:34 PM
4th now!

Apart from the really early start, I'm really looking forward to next Friday. J has finally booked the track day I bought him for his birthday, then he's on about taking me to see Twelth Night!!! I can't wait!!!

http://www.shakespearesrosetheatre.com/

Suzi
26-07-19, 01:44 PM
Oh wow! That sounds lovely!

Jaquaia
26-07-19, 02:33 PM
I've never seen a proper production before and I love the Shakespeare I've read. He just needs to check if his parents would be ok having both children all day.

OldMike
26-07-19, 03:23 PM
Not sure yet. Probably reading again. Have to sit downstairs for a bit as the council are here to check the electrics, though he is very nice to look at (giggle)

There's something special about workmen and their tools poking around with their voltmeter and insulation resistance checker ;) (giggle)

Paula
26-07-19, 03:32 PM
We used to go to Stratford a lot - it’s something special seeing Shakespeare performed properly :)

Jaquaia
26-07-19, 03:49 PM
The theatre they use looks amazing, tickets are only £15 for standing, though I think J may be worried about me standing that long...

Suzi
26-07-19, 04:01 PM
Yeah I would be too....

Jaquaia
26-07-19, 04:17 PM
I did ok at the Bluetones. The only way I will really find out will be if we go and try it.

Suzi
26-07-19, 04:18 PM
Then go and have a damn fine time! :) :)

Jaquaia
26-07-19, 04:29 PM
If we're lucky, the in laws will have the children all day!

magie06
26-07-19, 04:37 PM
If we're lucky, the in laws will have the children all day!

This made me smile - the fact that you are referring them as the in-laws! ;)

Angie
26-07-19, 05:03 PM
This made me smile - the fact that you are referring them as the in-laws! ;)

^^This

Jaquaia
26-07-19, 05:08 PM
(blush) he's told me quite a few times that he's going to marry me (inlove)

His dad asked him in the pub last week if he planned to make an honest woman out of me...

"I'm not a miracle worker" :o(giggle)

Angie
26-07-19, 05:17 PM
(rofl)