Trials and tribulations of a Yorkshire pudding

[Suzi]

I'm pleased for you.... What's on your agenda for this afternoon?

[Jaquaia]

I'm cross stitching. I'm starting to be able to see which part of the tiger I'm doing now :)

[Suzi]

Yay! That's my plan for this afternoon too! :)

[Jaquaia]

Can I ask you guys something? Have you noticed anything about my mood? J has noticed that my mood can drop really quickly and I can be really low in no time at all and it's starting to concern him. I hadn't noticed.

[Suzi]

I don't see that it drops that fast - but that might be because of gaps in posting... I have noticed that your moods do seem to crash hard. Always around certain issues, but more than that too....

[magie06]

I have to agree. You do seem to get down and then not post here when you do. I just hope this doesn't upset you.

[Paula]

I agree with Magie, you don’t post when you’re crashing, and aren’t honest (sorry) when you do so it’s hard to know exactly how fast the drops are and how low. But I have noticed you haven’t been stable recently - but there is a lot going on

[Jaquaia]

Thank you for your honesty. J is going to be smug now (giggle)

I'm not suicidal and I've had no urge to self harm, so the new meds are working to an extent. I think I need to start keeping a mood diary

[Suzi]

I think keeping a mood diary is a good idea. But only if you keep an honest one......

[Jaquaia]

I will. I promise

[Suzi]

I'll do everything I can to help along the way...

[Jaquaia]

Thank you. That's because you're a lovely person (panda)

[Paula]

Thank you for your honesty. J is going to be smug now (giggle)

I'm not suicidal and I've had no urge to self harm, so the new meds are working to an extent. I think I need to start keeping a mood diary

The meds are working, but you know as well as I do that they’re not the only answer. Good MH also needs good self care .....


Thank you. That's because you're a lovely person (panda)

Yes, thats true, but also because you’re a lovely person so people want to help you

[Jaquaia]

Thank you.

Well my dad has to drink less so that should help ease some of my anxiety. The consultant told him that his bloods have shown an issue with his liver and that the last lot shows it's gotten worst so he has to cut down on his drinking.

I think I need to get into a routine, try and do a little housework each day, do some uni reading, and make some time for me. I need to get into that habit so things don't overwhelm me.

[Paula]

Do you think he’ll listen to the doctor?

Do you sit down at the beginning of the week and plan each day or do you just pick up whatever you need to do, and keep doing it til you’re exhausted?

[Jaquaia]

He didn't drink yesterday and has only had a couple today. Not convinced it will last though...

I don't really plan. I know what I need to do but I do it when I feel up to it.

[Suzi]

I hope it does last and you don't end up in the situation Marc's in with his father...... I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.

Have you thought about something like a timetable? A pacing timetable?

[Jaquaia]

At times I can't wait to be out of here. Don't get me wrong, I love my family dearly but I don't always like them very much. Other then my dad's drinking, he can get very arsey and aggressive in how he speaks, and he's just incredibly rude when J is here. I don't think he's said a word to him other than bye and occasionally hi in the last year. He's made no effort to get to know him at all and just looks (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)ed off when he's here. My mum has pulled him upon it before and he said it's because he doesn't know what to say to him as they have nothing in common...
My mum doesn't bloody listen to anything. 2 years and she still hasn't got her hearing aid sorted. Her legs are a mess because she hasn't listened to what the doctors have told her or what I've repeatedly told her. She has aids to help her do a lot of things herself but never uses them and then complains about being independent.
I never feel welcome at my sisters, and when she's here she barely says a word to me. My brother often gives the impression that he thinks he's better than me. And Scarlett has said more words to J than both of them put together and she's not even 2!!! It just makes me feel even more of an outsider when my own family (mum excluded) can't even make an effort to try and get to know the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

Not sure where all that came from...

I have a driving lesson first thing, then the plan is to move some furniture around in one corner of the living room then cross stitch or read

[Paula]

Why, especially as you’ve been flaring, are you going to move furniture???

[Suzi]

Oh FFs I'm going to say it again....... I completely agree with Paula! Moving furniture when flaring sounds like something I'd try to do and I know how stupid that is!

[Paula]

Oh FFs I'm going to say it again....... I completely agree with Paula

Just call me Yoda ;)

[Jaquaia]

I guess that's me told!!! Would that be a flare? I hadn't thought of it as flaring as I had no pain.

Just got back from my driving lesson... I reversed parked!!!

[Paula]

Flare-up: “A sudden worsening of the symptoms of a disease or condition: a flare-up of eczema”. Not just pain ;)

Well done, hun, on the driving lesson

[Jaquaia]

Point taken. I've rung my mum to ask her to pick up my prescription and been told to leave it. So going to have lunch and go potter in my room I think

[Suzi]

I'm glad you're going to have a recharging and care for yourself day!

[Jaquaia]

Probably a good idea as my anxiety is a bit high today. Found it really difficult to settle today, ended up just doing a left hand circuit for the full lesson

[Mira]

Thats still great. Feeling that way but still do a lesson. If you can not feel proud about it then know I am proud of it for you. Great job.

[OldMike]

Glad driving went okay, I like pottering about :)

[Suzi]

Probably a good idea as my anxiety is a bit high today. Found it really difficult to settle today, ended up just doing a left hand circuit for the full lesson
That's not necessarily a bad thing..... Be kind to you please...

[Jaquaia]

Does this count as being kind to me?

https://www.dropbox.com/s/stn9muotvxgh4dd/20190620_165300.jpg?raw=1

[Paula]

Definitely :). How are you?

[Jaquaia]

Tired and a bit flat. Going to finish Jane Eyre tonight though, so more resting.

[Suzi]

It's looking good!
Hope you're being kind to you lovely.

[Jaquaia]

Just got off the phone with J, not planning anything other than reading the last 100 pages. Actually recognising that I'm running low on spoons.

[Suzi]

Hope you're resting lovely... be kind to you...

[Jaquaia]

I've just read. I've been good. Think J is worried, he said I sound really low again..

[Paula]

What are your plans for tomorrow?

[Jaquaia]

Probably helping my dad move around in the living room, shower Talia and wash her bedding, then read/cross-stitch/something

[Suzi]

I really don't think you should be moving furniture around love. You're flaring, your low..... Maybe you have to say "not right now" and put what you NEED first?

[Jaquaia]

I've never really known how to do that. I'm also very aware that I'm living here for free so need to help out and I don't do a lot as it is

[Paula]

You do a hell of a lot! Your posts are littered with details of you hoovering, doing the washing, looking after your mum, taking her to appointments, dealing with her meds, looking after Talia etc etc. Do you take my point?

[Jaquaia]

It doesn't feel like I do a lot as I spend so much time just sat.

[OldMike]

I agree with Paula you do, do a lot plus on top of that there's all your uni work.

[Suzi]

I've never really known how to do that. I'm also very aware that I'm living here for free so need to help out and I don't do a lot as it is
You ARE joking right? Who does the shopping, the baking, the hoovering, the sorting of your mums meds, sorting hospital appointments, changing the beds, sorting Talia, cooking?

[Jaquaia]

My dad's been doing most of the baking and cooking though I help. I do all the rest though.

You'll be pleased to know that I've showered Talia and washed her bedding and then just sat and done some cross-stitch

[Mira]

I think you are doing a good job in helping where you can. Dont think otherwise.

[Paula]

Well done for putting you first for a change

[Suzi]

Good! I'm glad!

[Jaquaia]

This evening is going to be snuggling with J, and I've started reading "A Discovery of Witches" too.

[Suzi]

That sounds like a lovely way to spend an evening!

[Paula]

This evening is going to be snuggling with J, and I've started reading "A Discovery of Witches" too.

Loved those books!

[Jaquaia]

I picked up the first book for £2 in a second hand book shop (clap)

[Suzi]

I've not read any of them - should I add them to my ever growing list?

[Jaquaia]

I've only read a few chapters but I'm really enjoying it

[Paula]

I've not read any of them - should I add them to my ever growing list?

Yes, definitely yes. Don’t be put of by the tv series, the books are so much better

[Jaquaia]

https://www.dropbox.com/s/bvniblau54828sq/20190623_184029.jpg?raw=1

Starting to feel like I'm getting somewhere now

[Suzi]

You're doing brilliantly!

[Jaquaia]

It's keeping me occupied and out of the way, which is good as I'm irritable today.

[Suzi]

Are you still keeping a mood diary?

[Jaquaia]

I need to dig a notebook out. Been trying to post more here to keep track.

Brought up with my mum that their comments after my driving lessons aren't helpful. It's usually "how many have you knocked over today then?". That has always been one of my biggest fears and a large part of why I left learning to drive so late. "We're only having a laugh with you "... why am I not surprised that, as usual, it's me being over sensitive...

[Suzi]

I agree, not helpful.

Sweetheart can you make starting a mood diary a top priority please? You tend to go quiet here when things aren't great so that's not always going to give a really accurate picture of how you really are itms?

[Paula]

So, when said that they’re only having a laugh, how did you respond?

[Jaquaia]

I pointed out that I didn't find it funny, that that is one of the reasons I put learning to drive off for so long, that I'm still nervous behind the wheel and that some support might be nice.

I will try with ghe diary Suzi. I can always use notes on my phone.

[magie06]

I've been driving over 15 years and it's still one of my greatest fears that someone will walk out in front of me and I won't have time to react. Having said that I'm 15 years driving and it has never happened yet. Chances are it will never happen to you either.
I think you are doing so well with your driving. You have come on so much with your new instructor. Keep at, you are awesome!!!

[Mira]

Whats funny and not funny is different for everybody. So when you tell someone you dont find it funny that should be it. And it would be nice if people could be considerate. Its that simple. We all have things that when someone makes a joke about it it hurts or sets off emotions. I try to be considerate when someone tells me how it makes them feel.

[OldMike]

That's sort of joke that soon becomes old very quick and I can understand how it could upset you, none of us know what's ahead of us and we can all come up with the worst scenario to the point where we wouldn't even leave the house. Jaq you're getting out there learning to drive and doing brilliantly just ignore your mother's so called jokes. (panda)

[Jaquaia]

Thanks guys. Talking to her wound me up and I didn't get to sleep until almost 1.

In much better news, J's dad saw his oncologist today and has been given the all clear!!!! (party)(party)(party)

[magie06]

That is great news. Thank God for that.

[Suzi]

Hooray!

Have you been pacing today if you were up late?

[Paula]

That’s wonderful news!

[Jaquaia]

I've been cross stitching and reading. Nearly finished "A Discovery of Witches"

[Jaquaia]

I've just applied for my level 1. If they still have spaces and I can split payment, I start the 9th September. I may have lost my marbles as uni starts again on the 5th October...

[Paula]

You’re incredible :)

[Jaquaia]

Not sure I'd go that far. It's going to be bloody hard work.

[Suzi]

You're the last person to shy away from something because it was hard work....

[Jaquaia]

I'm having doubts about whether I can do it or not already.

[Paula]

Of course you can bloody well do it!!!!!!!

[Suzi]

Of course you can!

[Jaquaia]

I hope so. It will be over half way through when my new modules start so shouldn't be as stressful as starting in May would have been. Well, apart from 3 hours a week for 7 weeks with new people...

[magie06]

I really, really think you can do this. You've said in the past that you could never drive, but look at you now! You've also said (quite a few times) that you wouldn't finish last terms stuff - but you did, and with very good marks too. You can do this, and don't forget to thank all of us for waving pom poms in the background, when you do it.

[Mira]

Yes I agree. Its a shame that your thoughts are projecting this onto you while everything else proves the opposite. You are a strong woman that can do whatever she goes for. We all have seen that on more then one accasion. You got this.

[Suzi]

I completely agree!

How are you today?

[Jaquaia]

I'm tired but slowly plodding on

[magie06]

Slowly plodding is good. It means you are pacing. Suzi would be proud.

[Jaquaia]

Shhhh... don't tell her that her nagging is working....

[Paula]

Or that she’s always right .....

[Jaquaia]

Sarah created a monster...

Well I'm being good. I've started reading "The Casual Vacancy". £2.50 from the second hand bookshop in Pickering! Looks brand new, there's not even any creases on the spine!

[Suzi]

Have you not read that one before? It's much better than the tv series was!

And yes... Am very proud....

[Jaquaia]

I never watched the TV series either. Trying to work my way through my to read pile before I buy more.

[Suzi]

Lol! I have a very long list!

[Paula]

Sarah created a monster...

Yes she did! Mind you, she promised me my very own certificate too *pouts*

[Jaquaia]

Lol! I have a very long list!

I have a pile of books near my fan, at last count there were about 50 there... all unread... There is another pile of about 20 books in the corner near my dvd's... all unread. And about 10 boxes in the shed with about 30/40 I haven't read yet....

[magie06]

With your determination you will get there.
Maybe you are secretly thinking of opening a book shop??(rofl)

[Jaquaia]

Hell no!!!! I don't get rid of books!!!! I have about 600/700, maybe more.

[Suzi]

(rofl)(rofl) I'm the same, drives Marc to distraction!

How are you today?

[Paula]

Any plans today?

[Jaquaia]

Had a brilliant driving lesson!!! (Day early this week due to Bob being unavailable tomorrow). Drove completely independently with only a few hints from Bob, was very stop/start with roadworks/letting traffic through/parked cars and I didn't stall once! Spent pretty much the whole lesson driving at the speed limit, my approach to roundabouts is a lot better, and I spent a fair bit of time in 4th gear! So pleased with how I did today!!!

Very tired though, been awake since before 6am, Talia had an accident... so today I'm going to finish my book and look at my theory book!

[Paula]

(party)

[Jaquaia]

Just paid the first payment for my level 1 so definitely starting it in September...

[Suzi]

So many positives!!!

[Jaquaia]

It's real now though and scary

[Mira]

Yes its real. But you got this. Your mind is trying to trick you and tries to make you believe its to hard etc. But so many people see your potential. And how far you have come already. All the people here. J sees it. You got this.

[Suzi]

Mira is right. You've got this and we've got you.

[magie06]

Everything and anything new is scary. It is when we are children and although we try to mask it, it's still scary when we are adults.
Do what you did the last time. Take it week by week and assignment by assignment. It's better than trying to do it all at once.
Remember no-one every ate an elephant in one go. But bit by bit they got there!! (rofl)

[magie06]

Did you manage to stay cooler today?

[Jaquaia]

It's not been much higher than 16 today, and overcast. It's my friend Shay I feel for, he's gone over to visit his wifes family in Poland and it's hit 40...

[Flo]

The woman that organises the Club has just come back from Croatia and she said the heat and humidity was unbearable!!

[Suzi]

Fern's going on a day trip to the Somme tomorrow! She doesn't cope well in heat lol.....

How are you today love?

[Jaquaia]

I'm tired. Been awake nearly 2 and a half hours and still haven't found the energy to get up yet.

[Paula]

Why have you been up that early, feeling ok?

[Jaquaia]

I generally do wake up around 7. What doesn't help is I fell asleep around half 8 last night for 2 hours and didn't get back to sleep until 1and vaguely remember waking up when Talia jumped on the bed.

[Suzi]

Oh hunni (panda)(bear)

[magie06]

How are things?

[Jaquaia]

I'm knackered now. I did all the ironing and I'm now melting and my back is aching. Going to put the ironing board away, have some lunch then change into my shorts and flop on my bed with the fan on and read for the rest of the day!

[magie06]

That is a great plan!

[Mira]

Thats a good plan. If the weather is the same as here then you deserve a break and a read. If you are real hot you could put a frozen cooling element in front of it. Cheap airconditioning :)

[Jaquaia]

My bedroom is surprisingly cool!!! I ache though.

[magie06]

Ache??? Have you had enough to drink, to eat meds??

[Jaquaia]

Had more to drink than I normally have. Not had a lot to eat, never do in this weather. Meds all taken. I was just stood up for 3 hours, a year ago I couldn't do that, half an hour would have been a challenge, now, my hip starts aching. I should be getting a physio referral when I next see the OT so that will be getting looked at.

[magie06]

Are you cool enough?

[Jaquaia]

I am. But I am starting with a headache so maybe need to drink more...

[Paula]

An hour later, did you drink more?

[Jaquaia]

I am drinking. Slowly but surely. Headache has eased a lot so it must be working.

[Suzi]

I hope you're feeling better?

[Jaquaia]

I am. Just irritated. A starts school in September and there was a meeting at the school tonight to give parents the info. Cruella had a "dance" class tonight. She didn't bother looking at starting the class 10 minutes later, she was going to leave the meeting early instead. In the end, she didn't bother going at all. It's how it always is, her life takes precedent over the childrens. She told T last week that if his behaviour doesn't improve then he can't stay with her anymore...

[Suzi]

I'm not going to say anything - I was told if I can't say anything nice then don't say anything at all....... Did J go to the meeting?

[Jaquaia]

He did. He does everything he can to attend the childrens things.

[Mira]

In that case I should remain silent too. The kids will see the difference though. With J trying his best to be there every time. And..... Who puts her own social things first. I have been there.

[Suzi]

I'm glad he was there. At least they have one parent and you who give a sh*t

[Jaquaia]

I will never get to be a mum, but I can show those children what a mum should be like

[Paula]

‘Mum’ is just a word, it’s the relationship that matters and that’s what you’ll have

[Suzi]

I will never get to be a mum, but I can show those children what a mum should be like
Sounds to me that you're more of a Mum now than she has ever been. How do I know? Because you constantly think about them and what would be best for them, rather than putting your wants and desires first. You are so much more than they've ever had and they haven't met you yet, let alone had the chance to love you...

[Jaquaia]

That made me cry. Thank you

[Suzi]

I didn't mean to make you cry. I'm sorry...

[Jaquaia]

Don't be daft you narna. There's absolutely no need to apologise. Your words meant a lot, I just think you and Paula are rubbing off on me ;)

I'm struggling a bit today

[Paula]

Pah, I don’t know what you’re talking about ;)

What is it that’s making you struggle? Anything in particular or just one of those days?

[Jaquaia]

Yesterday didn't really help, I didn't sleep all that well, and just one of those days I think.

[Suzi]

I bet the heat and humidity aren't great either? I sympathise.
Do you have any plans to be kind to you or doing something nice this weekend?

[Jaquaia]

No plans but probably just reading or cross stitch or something

[magie06]

And to be kind to you??

[Jaquaia]

I can try

[Suzi]

How's project "Be kind to Jaq day?"

[Jaquaia]

I've read some of the highway code. It's about the extent of my activity today

[Paula]

When you’re up to it, there’s apps that simulate the theory test. But I wouldn’t worry too much about it yet

[Suzi]

Sounds sensible - esp in this heat!

[Jaquaia]

I have a book with all of the test revision questions in. I've roped my brother into helping me and I'll rope J into helping me too. I want to get it out of the way before October ideally.

[Suzi]

Ben's got his theory test booked for the end of the month. He's been finding the hazard perception one harder...

[Jaquaia]

It's too hot already. I don't like it. Great for drying the washing though

[Suzi]

Mellllllllllllllllllllllllllting here in Surrey.... 33oC so far

[OldMike]

Melting up here in Manchester too, I'm like a grease spot, 31 C here but feels like 33 C according to the forecast.

[Jaquaia]

26 here. Good job I'm not going out or I'd have to send a city wide warning out to wear sunglasses with how white my legs are!!! These are so lovely and cool though https://www.asos.com/prd/9267116

[Suzi]

Those are really pretty!

[Jaquaia]

They're lovely on. Only issue is my legs stick to the sofa (giggle)

Done all the washing today and got the majority out on the line. Tomorrow will be an easier day

[Suzi]

It's currently 29oC here and I'm really hating it! I'm about to stand under a very cold shower and head to bed with the fan aimed on me and my cool gel pad on my pillow!

Hope you get some sleep lovely. Apparently it'll be about 10oC cooler here tomorrow. Am definitely looking forward to that!

[Jaquaia]

It's dropped to 23 here. My friend is in France for work at the moment... 43°C....

[Suzi]

Yuk! I've friends living in France too!

So..... How's you this morning?

[Jaquaia]

Irritable. Not as tired, I didn't wake up until 10 so I obviously needed the sleep, but got very little energy

[Paula]

Then I hope you’re going to take it easy today.

[Jaquaia]

I'm only planning to cross stitch after dinner.

[Suzi]

I've been doing on and off all day so I sympathise. I hope you're resting lovely...

[Jaquaia]

I ended up getting roped in to helping my dad clean the living room so no cross stitch but I am reading. Tomorrow I'm cleaning the bathroom as he's bought me a pair of shorts for doing it. If I can get it done in the morning, I can spend the afternoon resting.

[Suzi]

As long as that's all you do....

[Jaquaia]

I'm going to try but there will probably be running around after my mum too, she seems to be doing less and less for herself...

[Paula]

What happens if you don’t do it all for her?

[Jaquaia]

Some she'll do herself, or my dad will do it. But a lot of the time, she waits until I'm in the room, or that's what it feels like

[Suzi]

Maybe you could remind her that "use it or lose it".....

[Paula]

Have you asked her how she’ll cope when you move out?

[Jaquaia]

She'll just say that she'll have to get on with it

[Suzi]

Could you try training her by leaving things for her to do now?

[Jaquaia]

They just get left. That's why I started doing the washing, because it was getting left so long that I was running out of clothes. I don't mind doing housework, it's when I get called back from halfway upstairs to make her a cup of tea, and little things like that.

[OldMike]

Could you try training her by leaving things for her to do now?

Nice idea Suzi but I can imagine she (Jaq's mum) won't take the hint.

[Paula]

So, do you wait before making the tea? Perhaps finish the job you’re jobbing?

[Jaquaia]

I often tell her not right now. It just gets frustrating when it feels like she's waiting for me to move so she doesn't have to move herself.

[Jaquaia]

I maybe should have split the bathroom into 2 days. I've needed to use my wrist splint on my left hand today. It's making cross stitching awkward!

[Suzi]

I sympathise, I've made my wrist sore too.... Cross stitching is definitely easier without wrist splints! lol

Have you managed to get much cross stitching done? Resting?

[Jaquaia]

https://www.dropbox.com/s/bolnse9ezin3901/20190702_164859.jpg?raw=1

Well you can tell what it is now!!! So yes, resting. My thread kept knotting and I was starting to get to the launching it at the wall stage so settling down to read "Fire and Blood". It's the history of the Targaryan Kings and is really interesting so far!

[Mira]

Wow, thats looking great. Do you think you have found a hobby for live?

[Mira]

Sorry I meant life.

[Jaquaia]

I'm one of those who has lots of hobbies, it all depends on how I'm feeling on what I do.

[Paula]

You can buy thread wax which coats the thread a prevents it knotting fraying etc. Normally it’s used for metallic threads as they tend to split but I can’t see why you couldn’t use it for stranded cotton thread

[Suzi]

It's looking great!

[Jaquaia]

I love that I can finally see it taking shape.

Worked out that I read 8 books last month. That's slow reading for me! But slowly able to focus more.

[Suzi]

Good! :)

[Jaquaia]

Ffs! Bought Talia a ball a few weeks ago. It's only a tennis ball with a hard rubber frame around it so I specifically told my mum that if she decides to play with Talia in the garden, do NOT throw it towards the back fence as it will go underneath... Guess what she's done! :@ and as usual it's not her fault. It's Talia's fault because she "didn't run fast enough"

[Suzi]

Oh what a pita! That's really annoying!

How are you this morning? What's on your agenda today?

[Jaquaia]

Today is resting, my left shoulder, elbow and wrist was throbbing by the time I went to bed, ended up rubbing tiger balm in my shoulder just to get some relief. Shoulder is still stiff.

[Paula]

I know there’s lots and kettles involved here, but you really do need to stop doing activities that are going to hurt before you get to the stage where they hurt ......

[Jaquaia]

It didn't hurt when I finished cleaning the bathroom, it didn't hurt last time at all. A lot of the time it's guesswork as to what I can do

[Mira]

Are there no tells at all if it might come? As with my gout I can feel a slight tingle and I know its time for meds.

[Jaquaia]

Not really. But then my inflammation markers are always slightly elevated so it's maybe a case of the disease is always active at a low level and I just aggravated it. I see the occupational therapist on Tuesday and she's supposed to be referring me to the physio then about my shoulders and hip, and I should be seeing my rheumatologist soon too.

I am resting today, I'm cross stitching, but I've only gone and snapped my needle....

[Suzi]

I hate it when that happens! The flair and the needle snapping!! Hope the resting is helping a bit...

[Jaquaia]

My shoulder and elbow are just stiff and my wrist is still achy. I'll live. Blood tests and driving lesson tomorrow

[Suzi]

Come and sit in my hot tub ;)

[Jaquaia]

A hot tub would be awesome! But swimwear in front of people.... nah!!! (giggle)

[Suzi]

It's only me ;)

[Jaquaia]

I don't even wear shorts if I'm going further than the back garden!

[Suzi]

Neither do I!

[Paula]

Don’t wear shorts, period. Haven’t since I was 25!

[Jaquaia]

Haven't since I was 12, this is a recent thing. That and I was in danger of resembling a snowman in the saharain jeans(giggle)

[Suzi]

I have a pair I only wear in the garden and house - my kids just accept it and I've been told by Hazel that actually it doesn't matter what size you are, you still deserve to feel cool too. She's actually really good for your self esteem - her and Ferny actually. I might start renting them out to make you feel better about yourself! :)

[Jaquaia]

Really tired today. Was still awake at half 1, was up at 7 for blood tests. Had a really good driving lesson though! Plan for the rest of the day is rest

[magie06]

Omg, REST? You? Does that really mean doing nothing or rest Jaq style and completely rearrange the house while power washing the outside and cutting the grass. Lol (rofl)

[Suzi]

(rofl)(rofl)(rofl) Magie!

Glad the driving went well love! What is "rest" entailing today?

[Jaquaia]

Omg, REST? You? Does that really mean doing nothing or rest Jaq style and completely rearrange the house while power washing the outside and cutting the grass. Lol (rofl)

Pot and kettle!!! :P(rofl)


(rofl)(rofl)(rofl) Magie!

Glad the driving went well love! What is "rest" entailing today?

A nap and reading. My wrist is aching again so cross stitch would have been uncomfortable

[Suzi]

Hope you've had that nap and have been reading something awesome.

[Jaquaia]

Still reading Fire and Blood. It's over 700 pages so it's taking a while

[Suzi]

Fair enough! I assume it's brilliant?

[Jaquaia]

I'm really enjoying it. It's written like a historical retelling from patchy first hand accounts.

[Mira]

You do like George RR Martins books I guess. And you watched the show? Did you ever see this one on youtube? It made me laugh.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAAp_luluo0

[Jaquaia]

I've not read the main GoT books yet, book 1 is still packed in the shed, but I do like what I've read and loved the show

[Paula]

Well done :)

[Jaquaia]

Bob is a star! He's set me an account up on his theory test pro!

I'm on edge now. My brother was down and it feels like I've spent far too much time around people. And I've been informed that there's a bbq for Scarlett's birthday next Saturday, I wouldn't have known if my mum and brother hadn't talked about it in front of me.

[Paula]

Bob does sound like a star!

[Jaquaia]

He's absolutely brilliant. So pleased I changed instructor when I did or I don't think I would have carried on.

[Suzi]

Bob sounds awesome.

Are you going to the BBQ or is it too much right now?

[Jaquaia]

I don't know. My dad asked if I was going to my sisters with it being Scarlett's birthday and I said yes, but that was before I knew they were doing a bbq for friends and family

[Suzi]

Could you take J?

[Jaquaia]

He's got the children

[magie06]

When you sleep on it, it might help you make up your mind. Sending hugs this evening. (bear)

[Suzi]

Hmm, could you take us on your phone? Text us or something when you need a 5 min break? I'm happy to call you with some kind of emergency so you need to leave - you know like you arrange with a mate if you're going out on a first date?

[Jaquaia]

My mums driving. Leaving early will mean either my mum leaving too or two buses home.

[Suzi]

OK, but maybe to give you a 5 min "outage"?

[Jaquaia]

I may not even go yet. I'll have to see how I feel nearer the time

[Paula]

Just make sure you make the right decision for you not for the rest of your family

[magie06]

How are you feeling today?

[Suzi]

Offer's there if you want/need it... Always x

[Jaquaia]

How are you feeling today?

Tired and apparently I sounded low this morning as J showed up and surprised me.


Offer's there if you want/need it... Always x

Thank you. That's because you're awesome

[Suzi]

How goes it Miss Jaq?

[Jaquaia]

So so. Finding it hard knowing they're all together at T's birthday party, (well... half birthday party. His birthday is Christmas Day and it's a bit rubbish really). Just have to suck it up really.

[Suzi]

Oh love! Won't be forever love, keep hold of that.

[Jaquaia]

He's got the last few things to do for the solicitor then everything should be sorted. He was talking about going public as soon as everything is finalised but not convinced it will happen then with how unpredictable Cruella is

[Paula]

Why shouldn’t it? Once everything’s legally in place there’s nothin she can do

[Suzi]

He can't keep you a secret forever love...

[Jaquaia]

I think it's all my head, running over and over things and coming up with the worst case scenario

[Suzi]

After all you've been through and who you've been with I'm not surprised lovely... Don't beat yourself up about it.

[Jaquaia]

Trying not too. Hate my head at times

[Suzi]

Hunni, the guy loves you.. As soon as things are sorted legally he'll be wanting to shout and scream about how much he loves you from the top of every rooftop in the world!

[Jaquaia]

I know. I never doubt how he feels, it's just my head playing silly buggers

[magie06]

You have had a few nights of disturbed sleep in the past week. I don't know about you, but my mind works overtime when I'm tired. And it's not just falling down tiredness, it can just be that I woke myself to go to the loo or even when I was turning over.

[Suzi]

How are you lovely? Have you told him how you are feeling?

[Jaquaia]

He knows, even though I stubbornly refused to confirm or deny. I don't know why I do that. Apart from not wanting him to apologise. I promise I will be honest with him today.

[Suzi]

Good I'm glad. How long before things are sorted legally?

[Paula]

I promise I will be honest with him today.

Please, please do

[magie06]

I hope things are easier for you today.

[Jaquaia]

I'm not sure. Maybe a month or 2.

His friend has just invited me to her husbands surprise birthday party... it's not until September and I'm already panicking...

[Paula]

Because it’s his friend or because it’s a party?

[Jaquaia]

Both. I've still not met her and I don't tend to do well at parties

[Suzi]

You have a lot going on in your head right now. Can you get any of it out of your head by talking to J about it? I'm glad you're mentioning it here, but I don't think you're being totally open and 100% honest about it all here - I think you're hiding part of how you are feeling...

[Jaquaia]

I'm not even sure how I'm feeling most of the time

[Paula]

Really? Or is it more you don’t want to face what you’re feeling?