View Full Version : Mira's best bits and pieces.
After closing my other thread. I felt i did want another one. One that is a bit more positive. I do not want to hide my pain and my disorders. But its good to not have that be the focus. I am not my disorders. I am my own person.
I will read this whenever I feel I might need to.
And i love for everybody to join in :)
I am still working 5 hours a day. So this morning i did a little bit of tidying around the house. And I ate my last serving of healthy breakfast muffins. My mum and I will be making some other ones this afternoon.
Hope you all have a lovely day.
I am not my disorders. I am my own person.
I will read this whenever I feel I might need to.
That, I’m sure, will be the best thing I’ll hear on this forum today! You’re awesome :)
magie06
02-04-19, 11:06 AM
I love that sentence too. Well done for trying to be more positive. But please don't forget, we're here to listen to the horrible things too.
OldMike
02-04-19, 03:25 PM
That's the thing about DWD you can say how you feel good or bad, we are all here to listen.
Thats so true Mike. After I was done with work I went over to mums. We baked two different types of muffins for breakfast. And both where nice. So they will go into the freezer so I can eat them at different times.
We also watched two episodes of Stranger Things. I like that show a lot. Scary but not to scary. And its not fast paced so its nice to get into.
Now I am at home looking into the vacation. So much fun things to do when I will get there :)
That's a really positive post! You'll have to share your breakfast muffin recipe!
When they are perfected I will post them. For now it can use a bit of work :) They will get there though haha
OO that sounds like lots of testing going on! :)
The best kind of testing :)
Yesterday I made a few and today I made a few together with my mum. And we will continue the fight haha. And I can fit it all into my calorie counting so that makes me happy too.
You're sounding very positive Mira....proud of you! I think your words will do me good too! Especially the words Breakfast Muffins!!(giggle) Are you pleased with them?
I'm glad you're thinking about a holiday. It will do you good to see and experience wonderful things. The world is your oyster Mira. Have you narrowed your search a bit, or found a particular place you fancy visiting? Have a good day.(y)
Thanks Flo, one of the muffins was with brocoli, apple and cheese. They are pretty good and i would make them more often. The other ones are okish but not that great.
I am looking into Staying in Cambridge. I love the UK and after my last not so nice experience there I want to win it back for myself.
I can not wait to enjoy it as best I can. I am going alone. So i want to go somewhere where I speak the language. So its a Dutch speaking country, English or German one. And I asked my mum to join me next year to visit Dresden so now its England.
I hope your day is awesome too.
You'll absolutely LOVE Cambridge! It's the second oldest University in the UK....I think it opened in the early 1200's. You can soak up the history while you're there. Cambridge town itself is also beautiful. They have strict building laws and the old and the new blend in beautifully from what I've heard. Get cracking and do some research on the many places to stay. The change of country, sights, language and people is good for the soul. I think it does us all good to get away if we can. I know that it helps my anxiety and depression no end. I have this little saying that I use a lot, here and with friends. 'Life is to be enjoyed NOT endured'! Go for it!
Those are some great words to life by. I am trying to work around my anxiety and issues to make this happen. My last holiday was in 2001. That was with my brother to Brasil. I still have good memories of that time.
I love history. I want to soak up as much as I can. Thats the good part of going alone. If I want to spend the whole day in one museum I can :)
And enjoying all the food. I want to only eat more traditional things. So no pizza or kebab for me. Those I can eat at home as well.
Brazil? Wow! That sounds amazing! You're going to have a great time!
I am sure I will. Maybe i could sneak into a lecture :) haha that will not be possible but it is a dream.
I know it will be awesome. I am looking into where to stay at the moment. And i do think I will be coming over by boat. To Harwich. A train goes from there. Its right next to the boat.
Jaquaia
04-04-19, 12:01 PM
Some universities do public lectures! It might be worth checking if there are any on when you come over!
Thats one thing I will defenitly look into. Maybe when its almost time and the dates are set you could help me see if there are some? Maybe its holiday time then as well.
That is one thing that would be fun to do. And I was thinking of doing a drivers lesson. I have my drivers licence for more then 10 years. But with everything on the other side I dont feel confident to come over with a car. And after a lesson i might.
Jaquaia
04-04-19, 12:40 PM
It's definitely worth looking into!
I can help look
Thanks, your the best (bear)
Jaquaia
04-04-19, 01:09 PM
No problem. I've been to one at Hull Uni by the author Julian Barnes and was gutted when I missed out on a talk by Prof. Iain Stewart a while ago
Very brave to think of driving on the left! I keep pretending in my head that I'm driving on the right...I just wouldn't have a clue! But you're young so I'm sure you'll adapt well.
I am younger, but not that young anymore. I can even notice I am getting a bit more set in my ways. Maybe I am a 55 year old in a 39 year olds body :)
Sounds like you're going to have the most exciting time!
Today i had the idea of doing 10 min of gardening. I do not like that at all. But sadly its showing and the garden is not looking good.
I am happy that 10 min lasted for 40 min. And i will try again soon so that it will look good in a few weeks time.
Now i am taking a bath and hopefully I can relax a bit.
Jaquaia
11-04-19, 02:56 PM
That sound really positive!
I hate gardening too - despite coming from a family who are enthusiastic and talented gardeners! Well done for doing that today :)
Wow! That's amazing! It's great exercise too!
It was. I was enjoying it. Sadly it went bad afterwards. But I still want to do the garden work later on.
magie06
11-04-19, 04:20 PM
Your vitamin D will have been built up by being out in the sunshine. It's a happy vitamin and will help your mood. Well done!!
Absolutely! I think it's also brilliant when you can actually see a difference too...
OldMike
12-04-19, 05:27 PM
I always like pottering in the garden or going for a walk I find it mentally uplifting, good for you getting out there.
Those are great Mike, I wish I could enjoy the garden more. I love gardens. When I go places I love being in them. One time a year we go to a huge garden and wear old clothing as a group. Its one of the highlights of the summer. But doing the work is what I don't like at all.
One thing that always seems to come back to haunt me is me doing things or better yet, not doing them. I can think of 10 things right now that I am not doing because I am worried I will do them wrong or not good enough. As if I need to know the perfect way of doing things or its not worth doing. Even if I look online for tips on how to do it I get lost. Take the orchid I got from my mum the other day. Its gorgous and I want so many more plants around. But I dont. Because every bit I read online is contradictive. What way they should be facing the window. When to water them. How to water them. And then I get so mixed up. I get headaches and tend to drop the whole thing.
Sadly I have this with almost everything. But when somebody that I regard as an expert on the subject tells me then I can do it and follow directions. But not if I have found the same information on my own.
I do know I will need therapy for this. And there is no quik fix. But its holding me back in everything. Hobbies, learning, housework and social things. I also find it frustrating to have these things come back every day. I dont want to talk about it all the time because then it would be every day.
I just wish there was something I could do before the therapy. Otherwise it will be another year of me going through this pattern.
OldMike
13-04-19, 02:26 PM
Mira we all make mistakes and as an old sage once said "The person who hasn't made a mistake has never made anything"
If things don't go right then try again as for watering indoor plants it is best to err on the side of under watering as most plants don't like waterlogged roots.
All you can do is do your best, I'm pretty sure if you showed people some stuff you've made or done they'll see what a good job you've made.
Let me share something with you... For Mothers day this year my babies got me an orchid. I've always adored orchids, but never owned one. I have no idea how to look after an orchid - like you I know they need sunlight and water- but I had to research how much and how often to water it (once a week and very little, just enough to moisten the soil apparently).. You aren't alone love, we all struggle with things.
As it happens research is something I enjoy and am good at, the things you can do - electronics etc are way above my level and I am totally lost at most practical skills!
The plant was an example of how everything goes for me. I love doing research on things. I just get lost.
And me... I can start on one thing and before I know it I'm reading information on something completely different!
I was wondering if somebody here knows of a good program to keep track of the finances? I want to get that sorted for myself. That would remove one stress factor for me.
Just browsing youtube for songs from my past. And I was playing the album 16 stone by Bush. And just now I found out that one of the albums that would have such a huge impact on me was an album by a band from England. I always thought they were from the US. This makes it even more awesome :)
God that brings back the memories of a small indie club in Lincoln i used to go with M to sadly now shut.
Yesterday was a day spend with family. My sister had an operation on her shoulder so they all left early. It was at mums. With my sister. Her husband and his two kids. And mum and me. I never brag about things but I do think I am good with kids. They always come sit with me and talk and play games. So that was nice. But in the end I was knackered.
Today I found it hard to get out of bed. But when I did mum texted me and asked if I wanted to go out for a bike ride. So we went on a long ride and had a nice cup of tea at a teagarden. After that we watched the final Star trek Discovery episode. Now I am home along....
Jaquaia
22-04-19, 03:38 PM
That sounds like a lovely day!
Allalone
22-04-19, 03:49 PM
That does sound like a good day!
It was a good day. And I enjoyed it a lot. Now that I am home I am tired and the next days will be busy. With work and the trip to germany. I do feel my mood is crashing again. And I am looking into things to keep me occupied. I don't want to spend the rest of my life on the couch when I feel like this. Plus I have a craving for cookies. No idea how that happened :)
Allalone
22-04-19, 05:13 PM
I blame the Cookie Monster!!(giggle)
Sorry Mira! If you lived closer I’d bake you some cookies.;)
That would have been awesome. But you might not get rid of me after a few great cookies :)
Allalone
22-04-19, 08:38 PM
That would have been awesome. But you might not get rid of me after a few great cookies :)
Well, we’d always football to talk about!!(rofl)
It sounds like you've had a really good day! I know you found it hard when you got home, but focus on the good things!
I did have a good day. And that did make me. Happy :)
Today i am so tired. No idea why? But its hard to get going. I did manage to do some work. But most of it I did not do.
That makes me feel bad. So i worried I will spiral into bad thoughts and behaviour. When I get home I am going to try and nap. Hope that helps.
You’re tired because you’ve done more and felt more in the past two days than you have for a while. You’re tired because you’ve pushed past all your worries, concerns and anxiety to do those things. That’s fantastic, but exhausting. I would be exhausted too in that situation
You've done good last few days, it does tire us out thought so you shouldn't be hard on yourself, a nap sounds good.
Paula and Jarre are completely spot on... Be kind to you.
Just woke up, my hunger has faded so maybe no binge eating today :)
Other then that I am in slow motion mode. So its good I have downloaded the new snooker game on the ps4. I am not that good at it yet but I got a win over Stuart Bingham haha who's the man :)
Now I am sitting on the couch not knowing what to do. But that seems to be my normal mode lately.
I've been on a slow go today too! I think it must be something in the air!
OldMike
23-04-19, 09:05 PM
The heat over in the UK has slowed me down a bit the last couple of days.
I've a PS4 though don't use it much I mainly play games on the PS Vita and Nintendo 3DS.
So you are a gamer. Thats fun. I like to game too.
I have been busy with packing and stressing for my trip. I will leave after work tomorrow and be back somewhere on a sunday. I do not know when I have time to be online so I might not be around as much but I will think of all of you and hope everybody is ok.
Allalone
24-04-19, 10:04 PM
Have a fantastic time Mira. I can’t wait to hear all about the football match. Take care on your travels.
Jaquaia
24-04-19, 10:12 PM
Hope you have a great time!
Have a brilliant time lovely!
OldMike
25-04-19, 10:17 AM
Mira have a great time :)
magie06
25-04-19, 02:59 PM
Hope you are enjoying your day out!!
I am going to cut my workday short. I have such a bad headache and feeling poorly. I did look at my vacation hours and i do need to be careful. I might not have enough for my holiday in the end.
Thanks, the hugs are helping. I still feel the same. And I binged on food. But the rest of the day I am going to be kind to myself.
Jaquaia
01-05-19, 01:24 PM
You should be! You are so lovely and deserve kindness (panda)
Good! I think you are worth being kind to. You are such a lovely guy!
Allalone
01-05-19, 02:39 PM
It’s good to hear that you’re going to be kind to you. Well done!
I was glued to the couch. But I tried to not get angry about it. I managed to find a program to sort my finances (been spending way to much lately and lost track). So that was a win today. And now I am about to go upstairs and do a little ironing.
Did you notice that you noted down "a win?" That's huge! Well done love!
This weekend is not my best. But I am trying to be good. And so far its going ok. Going to make a cup of tea and enjoy watching the rest of the session.https://i.ibb.co/231bTD9/1.jpg
Also my new plants are in the picture. On a mission to keep them alive this time.
The plants are nice.
Hope you will have a better weekend the next time.
I love that drinks cabinet !
Thanks, I am trying to get my home looking more and more like it did when the house was built. That means back to the '30s I am sitting on the couch in this picture and I love that there is not a tv in sight :)
Hey Mira, it's great you're keeping busy as distraction is often the best medicine for mental health, especially if it's a distraction that gives you a sense of purpose. That's something I've always struggled with as I'm often alone in my room.
You should look into a meetup group in ur town. I know that's cliche advice but it gives you a sense of belonging & the events are varied. I've been to 3 so far (open mic night, quiz night & recently for drinks). The meetup app is brilliant & really popular (nod).
I know what you mean, i have the same. If i am not at my mums I am alone most of the time. And i dont seem to find anything to distract me.
I looked into meet up. But sadly its not around in my area. Well not anything interesting. Most are in Rotterdam but tjats a 3 hour trip so thats a bit to far.
Are there any social groups around you? What about going back to bowling?
I love your art deco stuff! Is that an orchid I see in the background? If so, I have one the same colour. I've had it a year now and it's still going. I'm not green fingered and most plants just die on me! Suzi's suggestion of bowling is a great idea. You could probably join a team. I used to be quite good at it, but haven't bowled for years.
Thanks Flo, I love that period as well. I want my whole house like that. Yes that is a orchid. I do not have it that long but its still doing well. My fingers are no where near green. So I am always looking out for plants that are indestructible for my non green fingers haha.
Because of Suzi's idea I sent a whatsapp to my old team mate. He still bowls and I want to meet again. Not going to go back to bowling just yet but maybe see a few matches? I can already get angry at myself now when I think that I will no where near get to my old average. So maybe its not for me. But seeing the old team members might do me good.
That’s great! Well done :)
Oh wow! I hope you have a great time! It's amazing that you sent that message! I'm so proud of you!
Strugglingmum
06-05-19, 08:14 PM
That's fantastic. It's good to meet up.
Well i have not set a date. But will soon ��
Allalone
06-05-19, 08:37 PM
You’ve made the first step though and that’s fantastic!
But sending that message is such a great step. Take it as a win!
I am seeing it as a win. I saw that he send me a message but that was 7 months ago. So its good i send one. Will send one later today.
My supervisor wants to have a chat. So thats this morning at 8. I have no idea what about. But i feel I could talk now too. About things that I see are going wrong. Plus the fact that for 3 years every now and then they promised i would be put on the same level and wage as my coworkers if I passed those courses. So that will get a mention too I hope. I will try.
Thinking about you (bear)
Allalone
07-05-19, 11:48 AM
How are you doing Mira?
The meeting did not go well. She did not really took note of the things I was saying and blaming me for the weird atmosphere in the workplace. I did not get that at all. So now I am home and stressed out. I am also not allowed to work fulltime yet. I am feeling horrible about it all.
OK stop and breathe...
How did she blame you for the bad atmosphere? What is she suggesting? Why can't you work full time? What hours are they suggesting?
She said I was not clear towards my coworkers. The fact that they even ignore me when I am in the room had nothing to do with it. I need to be clear. Now I will be working from 7.30 till 1.30
And I can not work full time because i am tired and they want me to do the therapy first.
But I am crashing a bit. Binging again and trying to be kind to myself.
OldMike
07-05-19, 07:10 PM
Try not to let it get to you, some people seem to go out of their way to make things difficult for you don't they, I think your co-workers must be in that category, it seems very unfair you were singled out.
Thanks, that is what i feel too. At least I have one coworker thats almost like a friend to me. And he sees things in another way.
Allalone
07-05-19, 07:44 PM
Hey Mira.
Just going to leave these here for you.(panda)(panda)
OK Well if that's what they are saying then maybe you could go with your Dr and tell them that work don't want you working full time until after your therapy - it might make it move quicker....
I am having a talk later on with the dokter from work. We will see what he thinks. I will make further choices after that and when I know how long before therapy.
When are you speaking to the Dr from work?
If memory serves me the 22 of this month.
Strugglingmum
07-05-19, 10:33 PM
(panda)
I am ok i think. Trying to keep things simple. Having tea at mums and then back to the couch.
Dinner was lovely, good food and watched some netflix and had a talk. But when I got home things went bad real fast again.
Why? Could you not distract?
No not at all. And that led to a bad evening :( But with how everybody is doing I do not want to complain about my trivial things. I will be ok. Its time for bed soon.
Jaquaia
08-05-19, 09:16 PM
If it affects you then it is not trivial (panda)
Can't agree enough with Jaq....Definitely not trivial.
Your life is absolutely not trivial, lovely, it’s important
Today is my day off. I have that every other monday. Yet I am awake now because I have been sleeping all weekend. Today I want to be different. I want to clean the house a bit. Because I am feeling worse because of the mess :(
Morning Mira! (hi).....I'm up early because I can't sleep! You'll feel better when you've done some housework....I always do. Don't overdo it though. Have a good day.(y)
Good morning Flo, I know I will. It always feels like a mountain to climb but afterwards it gives a great feeling. Even more so because I am neat at heart. But I will pace myself. My mum is coming over for lunch so it will not be all work.
Hope you have a good day too (nod)
I think it's great that your Mum is coming to yours for lunch - makes sure that you don't spend the whole day cleaning!
So, can you tackle a bit which is genuinely manageable and then sit then do some more?
Morning hunni, have fun with mum :)
Did you have a good day with mum?
You're quiet, are you OK?
I am not doing to well. And yes I am a bit quiet. But thats because saying the same thing every day is getting old. And I hate it too. So I am telling myself to just snap out of it and get on with things. Thats not working but still.
Strugglingmum
15-05-19, 07:39 PM
Hey Mira. How was your day? Is it sunny with you guys too. UK is basking in Sun (well we are)
It's typical exam weather. Students baking in exam halls .
Hi, yes its real sunny here too. Dont know if its exam time here. I think thats later on. But sun and nice weather have made it here since yesterday.
Oh hunni... Did you ever think about going back to the Dr with the new information that work won't let you work full time until you have started therapy?
Next week I have an appointment with the compagny doktor. I can talk to him about it. And see what happens. Yesterday I had my first talk of 5 at the facility that I hope will help me. It was long and not easy. And not helpful. But I need to get through it to get help after the diagnose round. Next week will be 2 days of chats. I am struggling to be kind to myself at the moment. But at least its bedtime now.
Oh sweetheart, that’s a lot to deal with on your own - I wish you’d told us ...... often with these therapies it’s a case of feeling worse before you feel better. I hope it’ll be worth it in the long run. You’re so strong, hunni and you should be proud of how you’re dealing with all of this (panda)
I'm glad you are going to talk to the company doctor.
Don't underestimate how hard it is to go and tell a stranger how things really are for you. It's really hard to be open and honest. You did brilliantly.
I really hope you have a good day today lovely....
Strugglingmum
16-05-19, 10:09 AM
Well done for talking. It is so exhausting and takes so much out of you. Please be as kind to you as you are to us. (panda)
Thanks all. Next week I have two of those talks. And with how I am crashing now its not going to be easy.
I am trying to be kind to myself. But the opposite is happening.
I will try to get onto the other threads soon. But now I am just to (snooze)
Be honest with them love, they can't help if you aren't and definitely tell them how badly it's affecting you...
Don’t feel you need to look at other threads, lovely, you just focus on you for now ....
I am Suzi, I also told her about the eating and other things and they were worried about that as well. I am always telling everything this time around. I dont want to miss a change for help now. I promised myself that this would be the last time i tried but then I need to give it my all too.
Thanks Paula. I am trying that.
Thanks, i just hope it will help. I dont think i can do any more after this. And since I keep getting worse.... Hiding in bed is what i do most of the time now.
Last sunday I went out with a group that wears old clothing. Its a hobby of a coworker of mine. The coworker was a doctor from the 1880's and in the picture he is standing on the left side.
I have been along now for a few times and love it. This time because it was in an old church I had a costume on for a function thats called a kerkbaljuw. A sort of peacekeeper in the Catholic Church. I stood by the door in that outfit for a while. I will share more pictures later on. The costume was over 60 years old.
One man came up to me and started talking how he remembered them from the old days. Pre '66. But I know nothing about the church as I am not religious. But we did have a nice chat and he enjoyed it greatly. As did I.
https://i.ibb.co/Ngq7MdQ/IMG-20190520-WA0001.jpg
We will be getting pictures that will be better quality. I will share some more if people like to see.
Jaquaia
21-05-19, 05:29 PM
You look great!!!
That looks like so much fun! You look fantastic!
Allalone
21-05-19, 05:59 PM
You look great!
I agree with the others and it's a bit unusual to see you without a beard, but looking good definitely.
I'm amazed with this kind of festivals when people dress into traditional historical clothes.
Strugglingmum
21-05-19, 11:35 PM
Looks like great fun. X
OldMike
22-05-19, 09:16 AM
You look really smart and you get to hold a halberd (think it is called) looks like great fun.
You look incredible! And what a great event that looks like :)
Yes it was. The woman on the left of the picture gave a presentation on what we were all wearing. And then we walked around a bit. Where so many people asked for photos.
I do not know the English name Mike. So i will go with what you said. It was tricky at times. It was heavy and with a lot of people around I did not want to drop it haha.
So I should grow the beard back Selena? Here in holland there are a few villages where people dress like this all the time. It is fading though and that is a shame. You could see so many things on the clothing. Where they were from. How wealthy people where etc. Sometimes i think people should still dress this way. But thats the historian in me I guess :)
Lol beards are totally subjective. I won’t let Si grow one ;)
Lol Marc can't mwah ha ha
No, I like you more without a beard...
Of course this is subjective and you look with a beard great too. So it's up only to you. I simply prefer men without beard (maybe because in my place the priests are mostly the ones with beards!).
So it seems beards are not popular here. There are many men around that have a beard nowadays. And I have good hair for it.
Its a shame I dont like to shave otherwise i would never have a beard. But a light stubble is ok i guess.
Lol.. Marc has alopecia so has no hair at all ;) I'd find beards very strange now!
Tbh for me it’s not the look of them, it’s I don’t like kissing someone with a beard ;)
Allalone
24-05-19, 08:10 AM
I like beards but never kissed somebody with one!:P
You suit a beard Mira but that’s just my opinion.
Jaquaia
24-05-19, 08:13 AM
My brother has a huge beard but a bald head! He looks like his head is on upside down (giggle)
OldMike
24-05-19, 08:26 AM
Lol Marc can't mwah ha ha
He could get a big bushy stick on one they even a Self Adhesive Beard Set (Pack of 3) on a well known online retailer website (giggle)
I've never had a beard though at times I do finish up with some designer stubble ;)
Mira I agree with the others you look good both with and without a beard.
(rofl) Mike!
How are you today Mira?
Its good to know I look ok with or without :)
I am ok. The same things as always but the day is going well. Going to visit my brother who came home today and in bed around 15.30
Glad you're going to see your brother. You could stay to see him longer??
Sadly not, he is recently divorced and has a new girlfriend now. So he is going to see her. I am in bed now. Thinking of food :(
I'm sorry you are in bed...
You look great!!!
No! He looks amazing!!!! I do love men in uniform!!:P
You up yet Mira?? What are you up to today??
I was up real early Flo, as I am most of the time. I got the grocery shopping done and managed to buy all healthy again. I want to get that going again.
Other then that just some housework. Nothing else planned.
I am not posting a lot lately. I have been feeling so drained most of the time and no idea what to say. But I do read how all are doing and allways wishing everybody well.
Jaquaia
03-06-19, 09:49 AM
(panda)
I hadn’t posted on this thread the last few days because I didn’t want you to feel under pressure to respond as, like you’ve said, you’re struggling to know what to say - but would it help you if we just say a quick ‘hi, how are you’ for you to see even if you can’t respond?
Yes it would :) when I see people respond on my thread it always gives me a smile and I am happy to reply. Even if its not always easy. Its way better then the alternative.
Oh I've not been posting as I didn't want to pressure you too! Glad to know that actually you'd rather us to post! :)
Sitting in the waiting room now. Time for another assesment talk. Its hard because its 2 hours pouring everything out. And then time to go.
But I have my sight further and hope that in 2 weeks we know what there can be done to help me.
I am so proud of you for going when you know it's hard. Well done love.
(panda) will you let us know how it goes?
Jaquaia
06-06-19, 02:27 PM
Hope it went well (panda)
OldMike
06-06-19, 04:22 PM
Hope all went well Mira (bear)
The end of my session was where I expressed my fears about getting another diagnose as the avpd that I have now and that I can not be helped. But since that talk is 2 weeks from now at she told me that she also thinks its that diagnose. So avpd it is. And that I dont have something like autisme. Because I am at heart a social person but I am not good with my feelings.
We found out a lot. She thinks that me being the way I am about my hobbies and every other aspect of my life is a coping mechanisme for the deeper feelings that always pain me. As in anger and even worse with me, shame.
Al these things have left me feeling vulnerable and puzzled. So I do hope that in 2 weeks I will hear they can help me. Because I myself feel like I am in a downward spiral thats not ending well.
Thanks for all the msgs all. Thats so nice. Next week we will have our last session before the final one. We will talk these sessions through in that one.
Jaquaia
06-06-19, 04:37 PM
Can you take it easy now lovely? Today must have been exhausting xx
I think there is not much more I can do. I am beat. So i am going to try and do that Jaq.
Strugglingmum
06-06-19, 05:02 PM
I'm proud of you for keeping going. Please be kind to yourself. It is so exhausting and emotional to talk so much. (panda)
I think there is not much more I can do. I am beat. So i am going to try and do that Jaq.
Your session was gruelling but, I hope, will turn out to be a huge step in the right direction. So I really do hope you rest and let your body and mind heal a little. I’m so proud of you (bear)
Also very proud of you. I really hope you've been kind to you this evening.
I was kind to myself parts of the evening. And now I am glad its bed time :)
Allalone
06-06-19, 09:44 PM
I’m very proud of you for getting through that today. Try and be good to you.
(bear)(panda)
I was kind to myself parts of the evening. And now I am glad its bed time :)
Only parts of the evening?
How are you today lovely? Make sure you are kind to you today too please ;)
Hi Hunni, just want you to know you’re awesome, wonderful and I think the world of you (bear)
Thanks :)
Almost done with work. So its almost weekend. I do have some gaming planned to relax a little. But other then that I have no idea about the day. If I should eat. And if I should do anything else. Still real tired so naps might happen too :)
I think you should eat ..... please try, hunni
Of course you should eat ;) You NEED to eat...
What have you got planned for the weekend?
On sunday I have a dinner at mums with my brother and his new girlfriend, and I will meet her kids for the first time. Other then that it will be staying at home on the couch with netflix I guess.
Could you arrange to go out with a friend? What about going for a walk?
The weather is preventing going for a walk. And the one friend I do have is gone for the weekend. But there are new episodes of designated servivor on netflix. I'll be ok
I'm sure you will be, just wanted to check on you... What about going to the cinema and watching a movie? Or a museum?
My area is not that large. So not many things to do. And I am not up to going to the city. This morning I went out for groceries and a woman said hi and I bolted out of there. So I am feeling real insecure at the moment.
Can I ask a stupid question? Why didn't you say hi back?
That was me being me. At first I thought she said it to someone else. Then I noticed there was no one else. But time passed so it would be weird to say it then. So I got so nervous and anxious I went as fast as I could to get home.
OldMike
08-06-19, 06:45 PM
I often say hi to people i don't know, some quickly reply "hi" back others you can engage in a longer conversation and some people ignore you as though you don't exist.
I've had that where I've answered back and they haven't been talking to me (giggle)
Don't worry about it Mira.
It might be something to practise. Is it a shop that you use regularly?
Hiding, that is the one thing that feels safe no matter how I feel or where I am. I keep looking for more then I can cope with and then whinge when its not happening.
But its not easy giving in and stopping it all. Hiding does :(
Sorry for whinging about it.
Strugglingmum
11-06-19, 07:22 PM
Oh Mira I wish I had a magic wand to make things easier for you. (bear)
Thanks, that means a lot. I think I will just try to sleep. That might help a little.
I was even looking online a bit for places like this one but then for people with my disorder. But they are no were to be found.
Just be careful with online places. Some are not what they seem.... Before this place I tried a few others and was horrified by some of what I found...
Yes, I have found discord to be a toxic place. Other then that there does not seem to be many places for people with avpd.
(panda). I remember looking for a CRPS support group. I found one but it was soul destroying so I deleted my account. My experience is that the support and care DWD offers is rare
Allalone
12-06-19, 11:43 AM
This is the best place for you. Stay here with us!xx
I am :)
It never crossed my mind to leave. But I thought it would be nice to meet others with the same disorder.
But would that help? Could that feed your issues more? Having people who are avoiding people/things/etc the same way you are? Let us try to learn to support you more?
I dont know if it would help. I dont think it would feed my issues more. Everything does that. So that would not matter I think.
It might be comforting in the same way dwd does for us going through depression.
But I have not found anything so its no matter.
And the support here is already great.
OldMike
12-06-19, 06:07 PM
Mira definitely stay with us.
I googled depression found a few sites but DWD stood out above all the rest so signed up here, couple of days later made my first post and I've been here ever since.
Mira just keep chatting with us and you can't go far wrong.
I've been looking around for you and I'm still looking for one which seems friendly enough for you, my friend, to join...
Thanks Suzi. That so kind of you. But I am starting to believe there is no such place.
Leave it with me love, I'm still looking...
I'm in a bad place today. I keep getting worse and worse. And I do not know what to do. How can a person go on with things if he hates himself so much? All i feel is the need to destroy.....
Maybe I should try to sleep.
magie06
24-06-19, 04:38 PM
If you sleep now, will it interfere with your sleep tonight?
No it wont. I can sleep all the time every day. I am always tired.
magie06
24-06-19, 05:19 PM
Then you should go and have a rest.
I'm in a bad place today. I keep getting worse and worse. And I do not know what to do. How can a person go on with things if he hates himself so much? All i feel is the need to destroy.....
Maybe I should try to sleep.
Can you try to distract? Maybe stop and think more about what we would say to every negative you have?
Strugglingmum
24-06-19, 07:10 PM
Can you think of all the things you would say to one of us?
Say them to you and choose to believe them. Choose to treat yourself with the kindness you show us. Sometimes we have to keep saying something a lot of times til we believe it.
I am trying Suzi and SM. I just dont believe it when its about myself :(
Nap was ok. Going to watch a little netflix and then back to bed. Lets hope tomorrow will be better.
SM is absolutely right ....
Yes she is. Sadly though, how my mind works is that I can not deal with my emotions so I tend to focus on the little details. But then that fails and i go into hate mode.
Things that go round in my head are so trivial. But horrible to me :(
They aren't trivial because they are affecting you..
It's not an overnight fix... You can't retrain your brain overnight lovely.....
magie06
25-06-19, 07:45 AM
The first time someone told me that depression is not an overnight fix I was distraught. I thought, here I am, taking the tablets, doing all the talking and I'm still not getting any better. BUT I was. It's baby steps unfortunately but they are all steps in the right direction. Depression doesn't come on overnight, except in exceptional cases, and as a result can't be cured overnight either. I know for me, I spent years telling myself I wasn't good enough, I wasn't pretty enough, I wasn't smart enough,etc. My list was a long one, and each of those negative thoughts had to be changed little by little, day by day.
That's why I think it's very important to write down every single day, 3 good things about yourself. Yes, you might row the Atlantic in a week, but in the exact same way, you might have got up today, had a wash and been as nice to yourself as you would be to a friend.
Awesome post, Magie :) she’s absolutely right, you know
The first time someone told me that depression is not an overnight fix I was distraught. I thought, here I am, taking the tablets, doing all the talking and I'm still not getting any better. BUT I was. It's baby steps unfortunately but they are all steps in the right direction. Depression doesn't come on overnight, except in exceptional cases, and as a result can't be cured overnight either. I know for me, I spent years telling myself I wasn't good enough, I wasn't pretty enough, I wasn't smart enough,etc. My list was a long one, and each of those negative thoughts had to be changed little by little, day by day.
That's why I think it's very important to write down every single day, 3 good things about yourself. Yes, you might row the Atlantic in a week, but in the exact same way, you might have got up today, had a wash and been as nice to yourself as you would be to a friend.
That is a truly amazing post.
It really is. I am thinking about maybe journaling and doing more like that. But I never seem to find a good starting point. That would be a good place to add the 3 things a day.
It really would be. You could cut out some of the things that we have said about you and and stick those in too?
That would be a good idea yes. If only I would start with the journal........
It’s best to start with what you can face doing and not being too ambitious. Just doing the 3 things daily is a great place to start
Btw, just wanted to say that your English is getting better and better :)
Yes that would be a good idea.
Is it getting better? I remember people telling me here that its almost as good as native writers. But I notice all the flaws and spelling mistakes I make. So I tend to think its still not up to par.
It was almost as good. It’s now as good and better than many I’ve come across :)
I agree! Your posts are fluent and full of character! I love seeing you've posted!
magie06
25-06-19, 08:50 PM
Hey, how was your day?
Hi Magie, thanks for asking. I was not planning on talking about it. I have been in a rough place. Bad thoughts and ideas. Sadly still a whole lot of self hate. And feelings of not deserving anything. But I will be ok.
magie06
25-06-19, 09:02 PM
I love your last sentence. And I totally agree, yes you will be okay.
Hope today is brighter for you x
OldMike
26-06-19, 09:15 AM
Mira hope you're having a better day today.
Morning, gorgeous. How are you?
Thanks Mike and Paula, i am in a downward spiral at the moment. Feeling bad and disgusted with myself.
magie06
26-06-19, 04:34 PM
Oh no! Are you being kind to you? What have you done for yourself today? Any progress on the 3 positives?
Why are you feeling disgusted with yourself?
I am in bed with a headache after a rough afternoon. I think I will just sleep as much as I can today.
Oh sweetheart, what's happened this afternoon!
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