Mira's best bits and pieces.

[magie06]

Do you want to talk about it?

[Mira]

I dont know. Its the same as always. Feeling that I dont deserve people in my life and that I should hide myself away so I do not disturb other people. My headache doesnt seem to go away and I should eat something. But not in the mood...

[magie06]

Only in the last few days did I realise that there is such a thing as being hungry and just not being able to eat. Maybe a bit of toast might just help with getting some nourishment in to yourself?
Wrt the other things, you know that it's your mind telling you all of these things. The people in your life are there because of you. Lots of people need someone just to listen and I really think that is one of your strengths.
Oh and by the way, I think you are awesome.

[Strugglingmum]

Mira you need to eat. It could be causing your headache. Are you drinking enough? ? It's really important (oooo I sound like somone else there).
Please don't hide. I'll start you with your first positive.
Mira is a good listener.

[Mira]

Thanks :) you all are too kind.

[Suzi]

Mira, how much have you eaten today? Yesterday?

[Mira]

Same as most days. But worse this time. I managed to eat something just now that helped. And off to bed now.

[Suzi]

That doesn't tell me much love. What have you eaten today?

[Mira]

I ate way to mych yesterday but that did not stay down. I did ate a few slices of bread.

[Suzi]

Can you keep a record of what you are eating?

[Paula]

What do you see is way too much?

[Strugglingmum]

How are you today Mira?

[magie06]

Just popping in to leave you one of these. (panda)

[Mira]

Thanks lovely ladies. That feels like a warm blanket (panda)

Sorry Paula I do not understand the question.

[Jaquaia]

Why do you think you ate too much? What did you eat?

[Paula]

Thanks Jaq, that’s what I meant (sorry I wasn’t clear).

I’m just wondering, Mira, if whether you think you’re eating too much but you’re actually eating a normal amount.

[Mira]

Oh, i know it was to much. When i eat my normal portion then I get hungry. So I ate 3 different bags of cookies. And 2 ben and jerry tubs. Thats to much though.

[Mira]

I did do a lot of research online and there is this podcast everybody suggests and I went there and she wrote two books. So I ordered one.

[Paula]

Sounds good, who’s the author?

[Mira]

Its written by Kathryn Hansen. I think she was Bulimic herself and has a different approach to dealing with this. Might be a good read.

[Jarre]

anythings worth a try if it will help

[Suzi]

Try not to put too much pressure on you though....

[Mira]

Thats a good one. It is what I always tend to do. But I will be looking out for it.

[Mira]

Thanks Jarre. How are you doing?

[Jaquaia]

How are you doing today lovely?

[Paula]

I was going to ask the same. And I just wanted to say that I think you’re awesome :)

[Jaquaia]

I second that!

[Suzi]

Hey you, how are you?

[magie06]

Did you get any sleep last night?

[Jarre]

hi mira, sorry been all over place this week and about to head down south for a couple of days at cousins so my rest holiday has become half rest / half zooming aroudn the country but at elast aircon in car and bluetooth to hook tunes to so even though it will take me 4 hours to get down today I have soemthign to keep me occupied in teh traffic

[Mira]

Today I made plans to go shopping with mum in the city. We are leaving soon and after that going to have tea with my friend and his family. So I will be gone all day. Seems good for me. As not be in my house all the time alone.

[EJ]

Have fun. Sounds like a good plan x

[Strugglingmum]

enjoy your day my friend. x

[Angie]

Enjoy yourself today sweetie xx

[OldMike]

Sounds like a plan, have a very enjoyable day Mira.

[Suzi]

Hope you have a wonderful day! :)

[Jaquaia]

Hope you have a lovely day!

[Paula]

Sounds fun :)

[Mira]

It was a good day for the most part. We die soms shopping and only just returned from my friend. Apart from some dark thoughts it was a lovely day.

[Angie]

I'm glad that you had a good day sweetie xx

[Suzi]

That's great!

How are you doing today lovely?

[magie06]

Hi, how are you feeling today? Thinking of you and I'm loving your kind comments on other threads. You have such a kind nature and it shines through all of your comments. Thank you for your kind words.

[Paula]

Afternoon, lovely man

[Mira]

Hi all, thanks for the lovely words Magie. That is so nice to hear euhh read :). Everybody here is awesome and I can only see good people here.

[Suzi]

Are you acknowledging Magie's comments, letting them land and really feeling that positivity?

[Mira]

Yes they landed. It was so lovely to hear. Sadly I am having a horrible day. And I need to be careful so it did fade to the background real fast.

[Paula]

Do you want to talk about your day?

[Mira]

Its a real dark day for me. Filled with triggers and bad thoughts and ideas :(

[Suzi]

Do you want to talk about the triggers?

[Mira]

Maybe another day.. Its the same every time and I hate that.

[Paula]

(panda)

[OldMike]

(bear) (panda)

[magie06]

Sending big hugs to you. (bear) I hope and pray that tomorrow will be better for you.

[Mira]

Thanks so much for that Magie (panda)

[Suzi]

How are you today?

[Mira]

Still the same. But I will be ok.

[Paula]

You will be ok, you are so strong. I know you’re not there yet but I have complete faith in you (bear)

[Jaquaia]

I agree with Paula. You wouldn't have got this far if you weren't strong.

[magie06]

We are with you through this. Try to remember your coping skills and your distraction methods. Use the apps available and talk to us.

On our own we are weak, but together we are strong!

[Mira]

Thanks Magie, I am trying to do that.

[Suzi]

I have to agree too x

[Mira]

I have made a choice about what language to learn. And I want to try and learn Swedish. I am doing it on duolingo and I am looking into what books to get to learn. As allways thats already almost to much as I am drowning in options and I have no idea what to get when they all say they are the best.

I was even thinking of getting English books for learning. Then I can even learn some more English :)

[Jaquaia]

Your english is already brilliant!

[Mira]

Thanks, I did meant to say learning Swedish from English books.

I do think that the English I speak is already pretty good. But its sometimes to American. When I say trunk instead of boot.

But writing can be improved :)

[Strugglingmum]

You're amazing!!
I guess just getting 1 book is a start. Don't stress about it just pick one at random out of the ones you are looking at and go with that.

[Suzi]

Duolingo is great - you don't need books alongside if it's going to be a trigger for you. I was learning spanish through it but have decided to stop and relearn Italian instead!

Your English is a lot better than a lot of native English speakers!

[Mira]

Thanks, for some reason English comes easy for me. So do the other languages so learning a New one sounds like fun. Because its from scratch.

I did find one book. I ordered it. It is an english book about vasic Swedish. I think I made a plan about learning it. Will use duolingo for now :)

[Paula]

You’re awesome!

[Suzi]

That sounds fab! How are you today?

[OldMike]

Learning Swedish sounds a fabulous idea, you're so clever :)

[Mira]

Thanks Mike. I am not that clever. But I hope that learning this will help with distracting my mind. And its fun to learn something.

I am not that good right now. Had a shower and got some food. But feeling real lonely at the moment so I am on the couch again.

[magie06]

It's lovely that you're broadening your mind.
How's the weather there today? We've had rain this morning but it stopped long enough for me to have a short walk.
Thinking of you and I think you are amazing.

[Paula]

You’ve obviously got a head for languages. Most people in the uk (myself included, other than when I was at school) don’t speak anything other than English and you speak multiple languages. That’s a great skill. AND your English is fantastic

[Mira]

We had a great day weather wise. The sun was out and it was not at all cold. But I spend the whole day inside with the curtains closed. So most of it I missed.

I would love to speak a whole bunch of languages. And maybe this is a good start.

I got a call from the hospital. I have an appointment next thursday to see what we are going to do med wise. And they want to know if I would be willing to try it. YES! Please.

[Jaquaia]

Well done lovely

[Strugglingmum]

We had a great day weather wise. The sun was out and it was not at all cold. But I spend the whole day inside with the curtains closed. So most of it I missed.

I would love to speak a whole bunch of languages. And maybe this is a good start.

I got a call from the hospital. I have an appointment next thursday to see what we are going to do med wise. And they want to know if I would be willing to try it. YES! Please.

Thats great news. A big step forward. (bear)

[Suzi]

I'm so glad you're going to try the meds and plan they have for you! That's so fabulous and brave!

[Mira]

I am happy about it too. I keep getting worse so we need to try something. And I am motivated to keep going.

[Strugglingmum]

Super proud.

[Paula]

FantAstic news :)

[OldMike]

We had a great day weather wise. The sun was out and it was not at all cold. But I spend the whole day inside with the curtains closed. So most of it I missed.

I would love to speak a whole bunch of languages. And maybe this is a good start.

I got a call from the hospital. I have an appointment next thursday to see what we are going to do med wise. And they want to know if I would be willing to try it. YES! Please.

The sun always lifts me, it gives me a big boost. Trying different meds is a good strategy as often it is just a matter of getting the right ones.

Being able to speak and read a lot of languages sure is a talent, I only ever learnt English no other languages were taught at school mainly because back when I was knee high to a grasshopper only the rich could go abroad (before cheap airline fares). We used to Southport a seaside town about 30 miles (50km) from where I live the pier didn't even reach the sea except on the very rare occasion of an exceptionally high tide.

[Mira]

I hope the sun is shining bright today for you Mike.

I can believe it used to be so different. I can remember that flying was for people with more money. We had luck growing up that the sea was nearby.

The Dutch have always had a thing for languages. A lot speak German and even more speak English. English is a real good language to master. Even more in the online world. I do most of my searches online in English.

And air fares now. They are crazy. I went to liverpool for 100 euro's and I had a look and Sweden is about that amount too. Its crazy. If I take the bus from my place to Rotterdam. Thats an hour there and hour back that costs me 20 euro's.

And that a lot in England only speak English is undertandable. If I look at Germany and my family there they all speak only German.

[Suzi]

You still have dreams/plans to travel Mira?

[Mira]

Yes I do. I still want to visit the UK a whole bunch of times. And if my Swedish will be good enough to have conversations I want to go there too.

Slow morning today. I managed to do some ironing and folding laundry. Going to take a shower and then get some food. I have an appointment with the doctor at work. So we will see what will happen. And mum is coming over for tea and the game against Barcelona tonight.

[Paula]

I think it’s more a case of when your Swedish is good enough, not if. Hope the appointment is ok, love

[Mira]

Well I do drop hobby's faster then I brush my teeth :)

It still helps me distract. And thats real good. And watching swedish shows on Netflix.

[Suzi]

Definitely when, not if!
What's the appointment with the work doctor for?

[Mira]

Thanks.

That appointment is to see about work. Since I have been written up sick for more then a year I am at 70% of my normal wage.

Starting next week I am going to start work for 2 days. 3 hours per time.

But he is one of the good guys. He said if the meds make you worse its ok to do less. And I am going back to him in 2 weeks.

[magie06]

He sounds like such an understanding doctor. You are one of the lucky ones because a lot of doctors don't understand mental health issues.
I hope your team wins tonight.

[Mira]

Thanks, it will be a rough game. But fingers crossed :)

Yes very lucky. He has been suportive from the start and he is giving it his best to keep my in my own job. Thats great since with how I am doing thats the best I think. Good coworkers and I know the work. I dont think I would find my way well in a new setting with how I am doing now.

[magie06]

That is really positive. I haven't had a paid job since my latex allergy diagnosis. That was in 2005 and I don't think I'll have a paid job again.

[Suzi]

That sounds great that he is seeing you regularly. Also sounds like he understands mental health and side effects of antidepressants!

[Mira]

Yes he does. And he thinks with you and the team that treats me. Instead of just for the employer.

Oh Maggie I did not know that. May I ask how how you feel about that?

[Mira]

I just got an email from the hospital. The next treatment will be a few weeks. So they asked me if in I was interested to do Expressive Psychotherapy in the I between time. Not in a group. By myself. I replied within the minute so that might say enough but I am happy to do it.

[magie06]

Sometimes I think that I'm a failure and I don't contribute to the world in a positive way. But then I look around me, I have a very happy comfortable, relaxed home. I have enough to eat. I have someplace safe to lay my head and I wake up healthy (most of the time). I'm very, very happy volunteering at school every week.
The most important thing to me is that I'm here to hear how my daughter got on at school each day. In that way I get to hear the great stuff that happens and the not so nice stuff that happens too. Maybe that's more important to me than going out of the house to work.

[Paula]

I’m proud of you, Mira, but please, please don’t be a hero - if those hours at work are too much, please talk to the doctor. He does sound very supportive.

Magie, you do 2 very, very valuable jobs. You make a huge contribution to those children every week and your daughter has you there for her, every day, and she has such a wonderful role model in you. Never underestimate everything you do

[Suzi]

I can't agree enough with Paula to both of you x

[Mira]

Yes Maggie, those sometimes are no good. You are an example to many. To me for sure. And you do such great things. And taking care of children is one of the best things. So nothing but praise to you.

[magie06]

I meet one of "My" children at the fair last night. He was very excited to see me somewhere other than in school. Sometimes the children think I sleep in the school and just come out on a Friday!! (rofl)(rofl)

[Mira]

I remember when I was young and met a teacher outside of school. I was baffled. What did he do there. This is someone thats for school. They have a personal life? Out of the question :)

[Mira]

Going to hide under my duvet for now. The thoughts are getting crazy again. And I feel I am lossing myself.

[Suzi]

Can you reread the positive comments you have here? What about watching a movie or a tv series or some comedy?

[Paula]

And I feel I am lossing myself.

We’ve got you hun, you’re not going anywhere (bear)

[Mira]

Thanks, I fell asleep. Thats one thing that I can always do. But now I am awake in the middle of the night. Going to see if I can sleep again.

[OldMike]

Thanks, I fell asleep. Thats one thing that I can always do. But now I am awake in the middle of the night. Going to see if I can sleep again.

I'm very good at falling asleep on the sofa these days, it's one of the skills you gain in old age (snooze) oops dozed off again there (giggle) Mira hope you managed to get to sleep again.

[Paula]

Did you get any more sleep?

[Mira]

Sadly no. I did pick up my meds and extra bandages and got some food. So now I made some lunch and going to do some Netflix.

[Suzi]

(bear) How you doing lovely?

[Mira]

Fragile today. I did take a nap just now but I already had a side effect from the meds. I am trying to be a bit active but I am feeling a bit poorly and very lonely. So its all on the couch at the moment.

[Suzi]

What side effect have you had?

[Mira]

Well right now I have a headache, but does I have more often so could be something else. But I had massive diarrhea, I was so happy I was just home.

[Suzi]

Oh hunni I'm sorry that's happened. Are you sure it's down to the meds? Could it have been nerves or stress or anything else?

[Paula]

Rest up, lovely. But it might not be the meds and, if it is, it should subside (bear)

[Strugglingmum]

(panda)(panda) just leaving these here

[Suzi]

How are you?

[OldMike]

(bear) (panda)

[Paula]

Hey, lovely, thinking of you

[Strugglingmum]

Hi Mira. Just dropping by to say hi. (bear)

[Suzi]

Me too.... I bought cake *passes cake around*

[Angie]

(bear)

[Paula]

*takes cake and tries not to drool*

[OldMike]

Ah cake can't beat a slice of Belgian chocolate cake I've one in the fridge, care for a slice :)

[Suzi]

Mira? Tea? Toast? Muffin? Bacon sarnie?

[Flo]

Nah!...it's got to be a Full Dutch!.....is there such a version of Full English? How are you doing Mira?

[Mira]

No we do not have that kind of breakfast, sadly. I am ok. I hope you are ok too (bear)

[Suzi]

It's amazing to see you posting in your thread today! Thank you. You've just brightened my day and made me smile!

So what is a classic, traditional Dutch breakfast?

[Paula]

*waves*

[OldMike]

According to YouTube a Dutch breakfast is bread with spread unless you know differently ;)

[Paula]

How are you doing, gorgeous?

[Mira]

Sorry I did not mean to post. I hate myself so much. I should stop..

[Strugglingmum]

please don't stop posting. (panda)

[Paula]

I really hope you don’t stop ....

[Suzi]

None of us can make you stay, or make you post - but surely when you're feeling as crap as you do, your friends and those who love you (definitely us) should be the ones who are there to help you through it? I know you'd not want me to not talk to you if I felt as you do now...

[OldMike]

Mira just keep posting I for one like your view of life.

Eeps took two attempts to post as the token had expired and I didn't think I was even playing tiddlywinks.

[Mira]

I noticed this thread does not have a warming so I will keep it light.

I have reverted to my old coping mechanismes. So that means I am a bit safer on the one hand but made myself other promised that are a lot harder.

I feel I dont deserve friends. Now more then ever. So hiding away on my own is the best I can do now.

[Paula]

I don’t know about anyone else, but I don’t choose friends by what they can do for me, or whether they ‘deserve’ me. You’re my friend because you’re someone I enjoy spending time with, someone I admire, someone who brightens my day. It’s no more complicated than that

[Suzi]

I completely agree with Paula!