View Full Version : Mira's adventures **trigger warnings**
Morning, my lovely, how are you doing?
Morning mate how are you? Whats the plan today and have you got any relaxation or distraction to do tonight and this weekend?
Hi Mira
Here is an easy recipe for Victoria sponge cake, and I'll tell you how you can also make a rich choc. cake with almost the same recipe.
Firstly, can you get hold of tubs of spreadable butter? Or better still tubs of spreadable cake margarine. The reason I say this is because the spreadable stuff will keep the sponge soft and fluffy. If not just use ordinary butter.
Grease and line the bottoms of 2 18cm cake tins. Oven to 160 degC (Fan) You can put all the ingredients in a bowl together.
170 grams Self Raising Flour (add half teaspoon of Baking Powder) sieved.
170 grams Caster sugar (it's a bit finer than ordinary sugar)
170 grams spreadable margarine or butter
3 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Beat all ingredients together for a couple of minutes with handheld electric mixer. Put half the mixture in each tin. Smooth the tops with a knife.
Place in the middle of the oven and bake for about 25 minutes, or until cakes are risen and golden and coming away from the sides of the tins slightly.
After 5 minutes of cooling in tins turn cakes out onto a cooling rack. You can sandwich together with cream and jam or whatever you like. Soft fruit is nice.
If you want to make a rich choc cake:
Use the same ingredients and method as above, but take 55grams of the flour out and replace with 55 grams of cocoa powder.
If you want a nice rich choc icing, put 55 grams of the same marge/butter used in cake into a bowl, add 28 gms cocoa powder and 100 gms icing sugar together and sieve into the marge/butter. Beat until dark and creamy and fill cake with it and some on top of cake. If you can't be bothered to make the icing get a jar of chocolate spread instead. it's just as nice! Enjoy.
Good morning all. I discorvered late last night I passed the exam. At first I laught. I did 30+ hours of study for the first one. And none for this one and...... Same grade.
But today I am already down about it. Because of the same things that come to mind. I am stupid. Why did i do so poorly at my education etc etc. I still feel that way eventhough the teacher sent me a mail saying only 4 out of 10 passed. And most work in the field and I dont.
I think i am just glad its over.
Because of my low mood I am going to my mums after work for a cup of tea. And tomorrow I am going to my mums to try and bake my grandmothers cheesecake. If it works i will share the progress.
And bake those regional cookies. After that we will watch the game. We support the same team.
Other then that I want to stay home. Hide a bit. Monday is my day off so i will stay home then as well.
@flo, thanks so much. That sounds so good already. I hope i can try to make that next week. It sounds delicious.
I will see about the butter. But we will make it work. Thanks so much for sharing.
I do want to make the icing myself. That makes it feel more like i made it myself :)
(party) that’s fantastic! Well done you, you’re awesome :):):)
Strugglingmum
15-03-19, 11:20 AM
Congratulations o passing your exam. That's big good news and to be celebrated.
I suggest celebrating with cake(party)
Oh well done on passing your exam...you're a clever girl! Enjoy your time at mums.xxx
magie06
15-03-19, 01:52 PM
Congratulations on passing your exam. You deserve a treat and you should be so proud of yourself.
A nice chocolate cake would go down a treat.
Grats on the exam I hate exams, I always had anxiety before them and had mind blanks, you should be pleased with yourself that despite the moods you are currently in you still managed to do the exam, pass it. That my friend is awesome and shows you inside that you do have strength and you can use some of that to help you climb out of the pit you currently feel you are in.
Jaquaia
15-03-19, 06:32 PM
Congratulations!!!! That's awesome news! So proud of you!
OldMike
15-03-19, 06:53 PM
Congrats on passing your exam (party)
Thanks all for the nice words :)
Such a great group of people (bear)
I was wondering if its an expression that you made Flo. Or if you think i am a woman ��
Well done! That's brilliant news!
You have a lovely weekend planned!
Morning, hunni, how are you?
The day was ok. I went to my mum and brother. Then we went shopping and baked a german cheesecake. My grandmothers old version. It was legendary. I will post it on the thread next week after another go.
Now watching the game together with mum. But tired. Moods been going up and down. Sorry for being a bit distant.
Jaquaia
16-03-19, 06:39 PM
No need to apologise lovely. It sounds like you've had quite a nice day :)
It was a better day then a lot before this. I just got back and was singing along to the music on the ride home.
Sounds like a lovely day with lots of positives in it!
I’m so glad you’ve had a good day, long may it continue :)
Thanks all for the nice words :)
Such a great group of people (bear)
I was wondering if its an expression that you made Flo. Or if you think i am a woman ��
Floydian slip I think
How are you this morning? Hope you had more sleep than me, stupid tooth kept me awake last night! Any plans today?
The last time I was called a woman was when I worked in a supermarket. I had long hair and someone asked me for something. I did not have my normal stubble at the time :)
The morning started rough. I could only think of ways to punish myself. And that made me angry. And then I fell asleep again because I stayed in bed. But now I am thinking of the support on the forum and how I should aim for little things. So I am going to get up. Make myself a nice tea and maybe play some star trek online.
Maybe even do some house work by using the Pomodoro technique. Lets see how that goes.
So I believe I got more then enough sleep and way more then you did. Is the tooth pain better or still there? Do you have any plans for today?
thanks Mira, pains there but numbed with my heavy hitter pills, got to head to supermarket for a quick shop then its chill time after putting another load of washing in. As we say the first tasks that are important is get up, get dressed (though being a sunday dressing gown and novelty slippers is fine) have some breakfast and copious amounts of tea (well that might be just me as on 3rd pint of tea) What is your brain trying to tell you with bad thoughts in the morning, can you slip some positives in to try and lower it a bit?
I'm so proud of you Mira for fighting the urges! You are awesome.
I love tea, I drank a pint of water so far and to giant mugs of tea.
What will you do to chill?
I am downstairs and I am thinking of opening the curtains. Seems such a trivial thing but for me its letting some goodness in.
My brain always starts with a reboot during the night. But then it gets dark real soon after waking up. All the things I need to do. Where I need to be good at. What I am failing. It sucks the fun out of everything.
I did a bit of positive thinking. Thats what got me out of bed. And dressed. I did start up the PS4 but Star trek online was to triggering. So I am trying some other games but its the same effect. Its like nothing is ok. I should enjoy the route in the games but I only worry.
Going to clear out the dishwasher and try and clean the counter top in the kitchen. Last friday a coworker came in to pick something up (wooden shoes). And eventhough he was only in the front hallway he could see the mess. I still feel ashamed about it. I know people say not to worry about it. But thats a step or 3 to far for me at the moment.
Relax for me is doing a bit of cities skyline while a concert is playing on my stereo through my headphones so I can have it loud without disturbing neighbours. Its a sandbox game and I just build for asthetics so not stressing about budgets!
Thats great. I am glad you enjoy that. So thats what you will be doing later on.
Gaming is a bit to stressful for me now. I have a headache so i am going to lay on the couch with some netflix.
Do you find music something that helps? For me music has always been something that helps me concentrate, allows me to get emotions out of my head and genuinely an absolute passion of mine. If I need to tackle something like the kitchen I'll put music going and try to do something for 1 song. Then another... Might help?
Have you been eating and drinking properly? Could your headache be a sign you need some more to drink?
Yes music is a huge part of who I am. It helps me in so many ways.
I did not leave the couch though. Everything around me is a reminder I am not good enough. And how i am not at all smart enough.
I did manage to eat. I am trying a different approach to it
But I dont know if it works. Or what might work at all.
I do drink more then enough. 4 pints of water and 4 big mugs of tea. I love tea so much i could be British :)
Jaquaia
17-03-19, 03:59 PM
You're posting fluently in English, you're definitely smart
Thanks, but to be honoust I dont think thats something I see as a criteria. I remember music trivia well. But all the things I care about I fail. I am a huge underachiever. Thats at least one thing i am good at.
You are full of knowledge. You speak many languages. You regularly converse in complex sentences in a language which isn't your first or second. You are able to talk about your emotions, your mental health, your hopes and fears without any difficulty for us to understand. You are able to hold difficult conversations. You are very intelligent.
Maybe, one thing I hate about myself is that without somebody telling me what to do I am lost. If somebody gives me guidance I am ok but other then that I am just lost.
My youngest has exactly the same thing - as does Ben and Marc. If I say "can you swap the washing around?" they literally take the stuff out of the tumble drier and then put the stuff from washing machine into tumble drier. They then leave the basket of washing unfolded wherever they please....
If you say to Fern "can you help tidy up?" She goes into complete free fall and can't cope at all.
They all have aspergers syndrome and everything has to be pointed out black and white so to speak. All amazingly intelligent, but need to be told things like "you're hot, take your jumper off"
Ok wow, I already thought how its for me is something.
I am okish at things like that. I can see what needs to be done and if I am doing ok I can do it. At work I am not even the worst at dealing with change etc.
But when playing games or trying to learn or doing a hobby. If somebody tells me to do it like that. Then I can do it and have fun. But on my own I get lost in details and worry if I am doing it right. Hence having bought 6 books on how to learn instead of learing the materials themselfs.
Maybe just try to limit yourself to one book about it?
Morning, lovely, how are you today?
I am not ok. I am saying the wrong things. And i guess there is a reason for me being alone all the time. I am going to try and get used to it. Sorry all. I dont feel like i am worth it. So i am going to go underneath the duvet.
Hiding away isn't going to change anything love. What do you think is the wrong thing? Who to?
Jaquaia
18-03-19, 01:42 PM
Talk it through with us lovely.
I haven’t seen you saying the wrong thing here ....
I'll be ok. No need to worry.
But we do worry and care about you. If it’s about what you said on my thread, you said nothing wrong
But we love you, you are part of our family and therefore we DO care and we DO worry about you.... You are important.
Jaquaia
18-03-19, 09:17 PM
^^^wss!!!! If you don't talk to us were capable of coming up with ludicrous scenarios!!!! (Or I am anyway...). Did you tell a shark that Sharknado 5 is not a potential Oscar winner? As that's true!
I am a bother. Thats the bottom line and the first thing I think. Every day.
The last two times I made a connection to someone its been me that made things weird because of whatever is wrong with me?
What is wrong with me?
If i have to wait more then a year for therapy then the best thing I can do is try and cope the best way i know how. Its worrying because thats not a good way.
I wish i was a better man.
You aren't a bother to me.
Jaquaia
19-03-19, 09:54 AM
You're not a bother to me either!
OldMike
19-03-19, 10:14 AM
You're certainly no bother.
In one sense we all want to be a better person and yet we're more than good enough as we are.
magie06
19-03-19, 10:29 AM
If you want to be a better person, then just be a better you. Already, you are much better than you were at the beginning of the year. You are opening up here, before you would have just gone silent. That's HUGE!! It's incredibly difficult to open up. (I'm still learning that no-one else knows what's going on in my mind unless I tell them!)
Keep posting, because you really aren't a bother. You are part of our family here and we love and worry when you are quiet.
I've been thinking about this all morning and I don't know if it helps you, but what helps me is my mantra...
"Today I will be the best person that I can be"
Today I might be able to do more etc and I might feel better than I can today. Yesterday I slept all morning on the sofa, but that's OK because actually it was the best that I could do. Today I've managed to get on my treadmill for the first time in just over a week, and pushed myself doing it, but I also have parents evening for H tonight, so this afternoon will be spent being really kind to myself and not beating myself up about it. If I decided to go full steam ahead at every other job and all the housework I wouldn't be able to get to that and wouldn't be able to be there for my children later. So I'm going to fill the dishwasher and I'm going to shower, make lunch for Marc and I and then rest until I go to pick B + H up and then go back for H's parent's evening at 4 and pick F up. Tonight's dinner will be something that they can just throw in the oven..
I wish I was a better woman, a better wife, a better mother, a better daughter, a better Christian. I fail all the time at all of those, because I am not perfect, I’m not even in the same ball park of perfect ville. My faith actually tells me that I’m never going to get things right on my own because I’m human and, as such, not perfect. But I do try, every single day, and that’s all anyone can ask of me. And that’s all anyone can ask of you .......
Thanks all. You are all to kind. And great people all around.
I can only tell you all how proud i can be by reading how you all are.
Going to try and nap. It will help with getting the time to move along. I do not want to keep complaining while everybody else has bigger problems.
Mira - stop and listen. The problems that you are having are hugely important and no "bigger" or "smaller" than anyone else's because they are happening to you. You have to learn that you are important to us and how things are for you matters to us too.
You've been a member here for just over 5 years. That's a long time to stick around and have friendships if we didn't care or want to have anything to do with you.
So.. Talk to us.
Jaquaia
19-03-19, 05:57 PM
I moderate a depression group on fb and the other day I approved a meme and I think the message is worth repeating here...
"Someone who drowns in 7ft of water is just as dead as someone who drowns in 20ft of water. Stop comparing traumas, stop belittling your or anyone else's trauma because it wasn't "as bad" as someone else's. This isn't a competition, we all deserve support and recovery."
You deserve support and recovery just as much as the rest of us. If something bothers you then it is just as big as something that bothers any of us. Trauma/problems are subjective, if it's an issue for you then it's important so talk to us lovely.
You are both right. I hate when I get this way. I tend to spiral untill people do not know what to say anymore so they dont say anything. And then I see that as they dont like me.
I know you will not agree. But I am not very likable. Thats why I am always alone. Its ok though.
Jaquaia
19-03-19, 07:12 PM
I disagree completely!!! I think you're absolutely lovely and far stronger then you give yourself credit for!!!
I knew you would think that. But its been tried and tested. I am doing my best not to do it here. And trying not to do sh. Its hard to see any point in anything. When i am just by my self with everything making me stressed or anxious. Sitting on the couch waiting for the time to go to bed.
I wish you didn't feel that you had to pretend or hide who you are here - this is about one of the only places I have ever been able to be myself. I wish you had it too lovely.
magie06
19-03-19, 07:47 PM
Look at your progress today. You are sitting on the couch, that's a hundred times better than staying in bed.
Jaquaia
19-03-19, 07:50 PM
The thing you need to remember is that a lot of people have no personal experience of mental illness so don't always know how to deal with it. We do because we've been there ourselves. So we may not always know what to say but we know that sometimes sending a hug is enough. Others might be scared of saying the wrong thing so say nothing or may not know how to respond. That's not down to you being unlikeable lovely. We will never judge.
Also, to be blunt, that's rubbish! Tried and tested that you're not likeable? Well then you must be very different to here then. You always have a kind and encouraging word for others even when you're feeling rubbish yourself. Either you can pretend to be kind and caring incredibly well or you are kind and caring. I think this is who you are and I bet others agree. Can you trust that we believe that even if you don't?
I will try. But that goes against every thing i believe about myself.
Stuck between trying to accept this is how it will be. Or keep going on. But to where? A life alone? 39 now. With only one relationschip so far that ended after 2 years. And now no friends.
Thats a long time to be alone. And accepting may be easier. Who wants to be with a guy with a possible few disorders. A chronisch depression and self hate?
I always think of the saying you need to love yourself before you can love someone else. So thats settles that. Then i will be alone forever.
And I want to get better first. But i doubt if thats possible
After a lot of tries. And not changing anything.
Sorry for complaining all the time. I wish i could change that. But that i can only do by not talking.
Jaquaia
19-03-19, 08:21 PM
Which is not an option as it just makes the darkness deeper and even more lonely. (panda)
Maybe you've not got better yet because you haven't had the right treatment yet? And having chronic conditions doesn't mean you will always be alone. You are not your conditions lovely (panda)
Mira, I am 39, single, last relatioship which wasn't really a 100% relationship was 10 years ago, I understand the lonliness which is why I have some very good friends online who apreciate me for being me and keep me going and the ladies and Mike here keep me ticking along when i am bad and talk some sense into me. We do this because we care but also understand so listen, learn and don't think you are a burden to us, if you were this site wouldn't exist, it is here to help you and others and the key thing with you is to help you give yourself break and actually realise you have alot going for you, you are to hard on yourself and things will improve you jsut need to beleive in that.
Sweetheart, I’ve just counted up how many different ‘disorders’ I have. It’s 8. And my husband not only wants to be with me but he also deals with the impact on me, our relationship and our children every single day. And he still loves me, very, very much. Yes, sometimes, I question why he didnt run a mile a long time ago but the answer is simple - he loves every part of me, good and bad, and he’d rather be with me and have to deal with all that entails, than not have me in his life.
Your health is not going to stop someone loving you - that’s proved by the fact you had that for 2 years. But you have to start seeing that the right person will love you and want to be with you regardless of your health. The right person will see all that is wonderful in you, and will embrace all of you.
I have a long list of diagnoses and Marc still wants to be with me. He has several mental health issues and I wouldn't be without him. You are brilliant at being hard on yourself and actually you are feeding yourself untruths. You don't have to believe those negative thoughts...
I can't agree more with Paula and Suzi. We all come with baggage Mira. I don't know why Ian is with me sometimes. He deals with me being a nervous wreck, depressed, impulsive, my total lack of confidence in myself and many more issues. We both love each other to bits though. The bottom line is that two people care about each other and look beyond the problems and habits that we all have. There isn't such a thing as the perfect human being. It's recognising that fact that is most important. One day you'll find that someone that's just made to be with you. This illness that's depression, anxiety and other stuff has the habit of making us beat ourselves up, and tells us to question our worth and self esteem. But the truth is that we're incredibly courageous, loving, creative and kind. It's just a matter of us believing it! So we have to keep telling each other we're OK, it's going to be alright, and give each other the credit we rightly deserve which is what this forum is about. I for one think you're lovely! I'd be really happy to have you as a next door neighbour, and everyone else here for that matter. It's not geographically possible unfortunately but at least we have DWD'ers we can rely on.(hi)xx
Jaquaia
20-03-19, 11:36 AM
I agree with Paula, Suzi and Flo. I have a few chronic conditions. J has been with me every step of the way through getting help from the secondary mental health services here; he's been there without question when I've been suicidal or self-harmed. He's helped me fasten clothes when my RA has flared up and it's caused me considerable pain to try and do it myself. He loves me for who I am. I asked him if he'd ever thought about walking away from me because of how much hard work I can be and his reply was not even for a second because he loves me. He has quite severe depression at the moment himself and is constantly telling me that he has no idea why I love him, that I could do so much better than him. I love him because he is an amazing human being. He doesn't see that but I keep telling him anyway, just as we will keep telling you.
Knowing how dark his head can be doesn't change how I feel about him, knowing how dark my head can be doesn't change how he feels about me. We're both a bit broken but we are helping put each other back together. Depression is such a small part of who either of us are, your illness isn't all of who you are either and the right person will see the incredible man that you are.
Just thought I'd add that when I met Marc I was 20 and I had the prognosis of being in a wheelchair by the time I was 30. I was told I'd never have children. He's seen me at my best, he's seen me at my worst. He's changed pads as I went for my first shower after my first c section with B, he's helped me get dressed and done up my bra more times than I care to think about. When I had my last breast surgery he had to change the stuffing and dressings daily/every other day/every 3 days for around 4 months. All of this and he's still here. He's helped me sort my meds, dyed my hair, washed my hair, helped me put my socks and shoes on and he's still here. He still loves me, he still wants to be with me. He's seen my mobility decline so I went from nothing to using a walking stick, then two sticks, now wally (my 3 wheeled walker) and he even made me an Eva so I could go off tarmac too.
Just because you aren't in a relationship now it doesn't mean you will be alone forever..
Thanks for sharing all those stories. I am so glad that you all found such happiness. Its horrible you all have to have such hardships. But so lovely that its together with such great partners.
Your turn will come when you least expect it!xx
Thanks every one for the support. I will never forget that.
I was looking into the settings but there is no place to delete your own profile. Or did I miss it?
Why would you want to do that?
Jaquaia
20-03-19, 07:01 PM
Isolating yourself further isn't going to help lovely
I think it will. For days now i was sitting at home. By myself. Hoping that people would talk to me. And nota few posts on discord or a forum. But a phonecall. Or a visit. Or anything. But that does not happen. What does happen is that I stare at my phone feeling sad and alone. Reading sites like reddit and others and that just amplifies the feeling that the world is passing me bye. I am ruining my own happiness and lack of social interaction is doing the rest. If i do switch all of it off maybe I will accept it. And do other things. Like read a book
Do a puzzle like strugglingmum advised. Anything but look at my phone hoping for something to happen that wont happen. Because of my own fault. I am messed up.
No you can't delete your own profile. Only I can do that.
I wonder why you think that running away from people who genuinely love you is ever going to be a positive. Please don't ask me to delete your profile. I don't want you to not be here....
Unfortunately, people get caught up with their day to day lives and often don’t make the calls they should. It’s not intentional and it’s not on purpose, time just gets away from us all. I realised earlier today that I haven’t spoken to my brother for almost 2 months - it’s not on purpose or because there’s a problem, it’s just life ....
OldMike
20-03-19, 10:15 PM
Mira please don't leave DWD, leaving DWD won't make you suddenly start having phone calls it'll just isolate you more.
You keep saying you're messed up, that applies to us all to some degree, I've had periods when I've totally isolated myself from everyone and at times I've hardly left the house because I've been so scared to go outside, now I do go out for lunches with my sis as well as lunches out alone, once a week I go to a local over 60's lunch club and I also play bridge once a week, so things can change, but isolating yourself is not the answer.
You come across as a really intelligent guy, with a nice caring attitude.
Interacting with people face to face maybe better than chatting online, but chatting on places like this forum is far more beneficial than isolating yourself.
Edit: Just spotted this post by Paula so thought I'd reply.
Unfortunately, people get caught up with their day to day lives and often don’t make the calls they should. It’s not intentional and it’s not on purpose, time just gets away from us all. I realised earlier today that I haven’t spoken to my brother for almost 2 months - it’s not on purpose or because there’s a problem, it’s just life ....
For many years I only used to only see my sister once a year before Christmas, because I'd isolated myself so much, what good did that do, nothing it just made me more lonely than ever, fortunately she didn't give up on me and we've ended up having our regular Tuesday lunches :)
How are you doing, lovely?
Doing my best to cope with work at the moment. Thanks for asking. I hope you are ok.
Everybody was so nice yesterday in there posts. Thanks for all of that. You all are the best.
The thing is, we all posted it as we see it. You mean a great deal to the people of DWD
Everybody was so nice yesterday in there posts. Thanks for all of that. You all are the best.
Mira, you are my friend, why wouldn’t I be nice to you :)
I do not know. I am still not ok. And i am not as nice and caring as i could be. No should be. And just sitting around doing nothing is driving me crazy. And if I already feel like giving up why would others not do that too?
Because part of being a friend is to be there when you aren't able to see the way out of the darkness on your own. We are here to love and support you and help you along until you can do it yourself.
Thats great. But i am feeling more and more i should be silent and just go at it by my self. The thing is that if somebody askes me something I feel the need to reply. But other then that I should shut up. I stopped with pm because i feel people are not comfortable when i do that
So this is good.
This is another day of me complaining and being poorly. I hate that.
My best friend is dealing with a lot at the moment and is having to support her sister and nephews. She apologised today for talking about it a lot but I said to her (and say to you) that my job right now is to support her while things are tough so she can get through this. She’d do the same for me - and I know you’d do the same for anyone of us. Friends shouldn’t just be friends during the good times, we should be here for each other through the bad too
Thats all so true. I want to be there for everybody. I am still there for everybody that would have my help. But all there is to do for all you lovely people is listen to me moan. And complain. There is not much to help with that.
Do you remember MaraUT? She had a phrase "sometimes you're the horse and sometimes you're the cart" and Emmie added, "and sometimes you're lying in the cart flat on your back!"
It's swings and roundabouts. Sometimes you are doing the supporting, sometimes you need the support. There have been plenty of times I've had support from the members here. They will never know how much I am so grateful for them being here, never judging and it doesn't matter what I say I know they're right behind me. Just allow us to help you as I know you'd help me...
Jaquaia
21-03-19, 06:10 PM
I have no problem with you pm'ing me. The few you sent made me smile.
J hasn't been talking to me about about what's in his head because he "didn't want to worry me" yet he always wants me to tell him what's bothering me, he tells me it's his job to support me. He doesn't see that it's part of my role to support him too, he thinks I'm more important than he is. I want to know because I love him and want to do whatever I can to help him. I love everyone here too, and while I may not always know what to say or have time to comment, I'm generally always reading. If I can do something to help those here then I will, you too! I've also seen lots of examples of you leaving a kinfd word on others posts. It takes a special person to look beyond their own suffering and try to help others.
Thanks Jaquaia, but I dont want to spam people anymore.
If this thread could be closed that would be great thanks.
Are you sure?
I'd like to be able to keep talking to you on your own thread if that's ok? If you want this one closed that's fine, but will you open another?
OldMike
22-03-19, 09:22 AM
Thanks Jaquaia, but I dont want to spam people anymore.
If this thread could be closed that would be great thanks.
You're not spamming other peoples threads, where did you get that idea from.
@Jaq: Brilliant post Jaq like you I read most posts sometimes answering seriously and sometimes being rather silly, sometimes I can't express what I want to say so leave a bear or panda smiley.
Mira if you want to open a new thread then as soon as that is done I can close this one.
magie06
22-03-19, 09:40 AM
How are you today?
Morning, lovely. You never spam, you engage - there is an ocean of difference.
I dont know if I can open a new thread at this moment. I do not want to complain all the time.
Hi magie, at the moment I am coping. But not in a real good way.
magie06
22-03-19, 09:52 AM
But the most positive thing you've said all week is that you're coping. It might not feel very big but I think it's huge. Well done.
You’re NOT complaining, you’re just reaching out for support to people who get where you’re coming from - which is the whole reason this forum was set up in the first place
Jaquaia
22-03-19, 10:29 AM
How about you leave this thread and use it to talk about how your head is doing? To use your words, you can complain as much as you want! And start another thread for more everyday general stuff?
I was thinking of closing all my threads and just post positive things from now on.
I dont want to keep going on about my sh and how much i hate myself.
Jaquaia
22-03-19, 11:40 AM
You already do post positives. But also...Why not? I did at one point. People here knew that I frequently thought about taking my mums opioid painkillers as I knew she wouldn't notice until it was too late. They know that my left arm is full or scars from where I scratched so badly I took layers of skin off. They know this because I knew keeping it in my head wouldn't help, treating it like a dirty, shameful secret would only feed my sense of disappointment in myself. I bet more of us here have sh than you realise and we understand why people take that route. We know how lonely that path can be and we don't want you to travel it on your own
Thanks for sharing that (bear)
I bet more of us here have sh than you realise and we understand why people take that route.
I have and I completely understand. For me it’s a coping mechanism, it’s a way of feeling something, it’s a way of distracting from the Emotional Pain, it’s a way of expressing how much I hated that I wasn’t in control of my own mind. For me, getting through all that and finding alternative, healthier ways of dealing with all that took time and was hard, but it can be done.
Strugglingmum
22-03-19, 01:03 PM
I have SH in the past and I sit here not able to promise I'll never do it again. It's a coping mechanism...not a healthy one but it is something I have used a lot. I am no longer ashamed to say that. I don't like that I did it, i dont like my scars or display them but they are now a part of me, a part of my life, a part of my journey. Just like my stretch marks from pregnancy and weight gain, or my scrawny neck from weight loss.
I have also attempted su more than 4 times. I have abused tablets to try and dull the pain.
We get it Mira. It's a deep dark hole and it feels like there is no way out but I promise you, there is. It's finding what help works for you. Each day it's choosing life instead of death. It's choosing kindness to yourself instead of hate, whether you feel you are worth it or not. Some days you have to make that decision every 10 minutes. It's exhausting. But you see when the darkness lifts a bit, you're glad you made those decisions. Kind ones, healthy ones. Dear Mira, give yourself a chance. Never be ashamed of your struggle. If we all gave into that shame, their would be no forum because no-one would be being honest with each other. Here is a place to be safe. Here is a place to be honest. Use it. (bear)
If we stopped everyone talking about what is affecting them then this forum would have no purpose and I'd be out of a way of keeping me out of trouble.... If you don't feel you can talk here then I don't think you will be talking anywhere and I know how damaging that is.
If you can't talk to us - your friends who love you, then that doesn't make me a good friend to you....
Thanks all for these wonderful reply's. Thats so heartwarming.
Thats true Suzi. There is nobody i can truly talk to. Especialy not with my disorder popping up. But i want to stop being so needy and stop complaining. I know you all are so kind and are so helpful. But in my mind i turn that into thinking you all are so wonderful and should be placed on a pedestal. And i am worthless.
If I posted needing support would you see that as me "complaining" or "reaching out?"
Jaquaia
22-03-19, 06:57 PM
Thats true Suzi. There is nobody i can truly talk to. Especialy not with my disorder popping up. But i want to stop being so needy and stop complaining. I know you all are so kind and are so helpful. But in my mind i turn that into thinking you all are so wonderful and should be placed on a pedestal. And i am worthless.
I don't think I'm anything special, all I try and do is treat people how I would like to be treated. I don't see myself how others see me at all! Just like you don't see you how we see you.
Morning Mira! How's things today?.....did you sleep ok?...going anywhere?(hi)
Just leaving this here (bear)
Such a low and lonely weekend :(
Jaquaia
24-03-19, 09:46 PM
(panda)
Sorry that it's not been a great weekend - but today is a new day and it can be more positive love. Remember, you need to keep finding the three positives each day.
Morning Mira! Are you working today? Sorry you didn't have such a good w/end. But you live in a lovely country and they must have great places to visit. Do you have an equivalent of 'MIND' where you are? If so, might be nice to check them out. Have coffee with folk like us. Sometimes identifying with people who are in the same position MH wise can be great, it makes you feel less lonely and fed up. Try and have a good day.(bear)
Hello all, good afternoon.
Yes I am working today. I am still not working fulltime at the moment
From 9 till 2 for the time being.
This is a lovely country. But like so many people we always like whats not nearby :)
I am not a big fan of the beach. There are amazing beaches nearby.
I am more in love with Germany and the UK. I am looking into a holiday this year. I never go on holiday. So i am looking into what to do. The UK is always high on my list. But the proces is already stressful. Money wise. And what to do, where to go....?
Around where I live there is no support what so ever. Maybe in the big city. But thats almost an hour away and on workdays thats to much. With my tiredness as well.
Jaquaia
25-03-19, 12:09 PM
Do lots and lots of research before you book anywhere! Make a list of everything you want to see and narrow it down from there!
Thanks, thats already a bit stressful. I do love history and old buildings. I saw one holiday where you could spend a few days in a gorgous house that used to belong to a lord.
I am worried that in the end i will try to plan a holiday and end up not going. That would be 3 years in a row now.
My mums not that well so i feel selfish if i go alone. So i would like to bring her along. But then i end up doing everything she would like because of my disorder. Wanting to please people. She is real caring and wants me to do what i would like but thats to hard for me.
When i do say that i will go alone she is ok with it. But then I stress about all the other things.
I feel like i am complaining again......
Jaquaia
25-03-19, 12:18 PM
I know what you mean. I have a weekend in Manchester every year and I usually get a comment from my mum about what if she needs me while I'm away. I know she's joking but it falls really flat with me and I feel like she's guilt tripping me and I feel selfish.
I do know whats that like. I have that a lot too. Even if its not even needed.
I was thinking of opening up a thread about my holiday. Where people could help me with ideas on what to do in the UK. But I am always worried haha
Jaquaia
25-03-19, 01:27 PM
Go for it!!!!
My Mum was/is exactly the same. Now it's the fact I live about 2 1/2 hours (give or take) away from her. What if she needs me? What if she falls? etc, etc, etce... So I understand that!
I think you should go away for a holiday if you can. There's nothing stopping you from doing a long weekend in the UK and then another long weekend in Germany......
No its ok, I am already getting a bit stressed about it. And its more then half a year away. And I was hoping for something and that did not happen. I am going to be ok with just staying home.
Would you do day trips from home?
I think its best not to do anything.
Please close this thread. I dont want to see this no more.
I'm closing this thread as requested.
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