Nothing makes me happy *SH triggers*

[Allalone]

Not really

[Jaquaia]

(panda)

[Paula]

Would it help if you said why?

[Allalone]

I’m not sure

[Strugglingmum]

I am so proud of you for all you have achieved today. You are amazing. And especially for asking for help when you needed to. You are such a fighter and are doing so so well. We all have to ask for help sometimes, believe me there were times I was like a hotline to HTT cause I was such a mess. Keep going. Here for you if you want to vent. X

[Paula]

^^^wss

[Allalone]

I don’t feel like I’m living for me just for everyone else. I don’t feel better for doing anything. The HTT yesterday having a shower will make you feel better, having something to eat will make you feel better, getting out and about will make you feel better etc I have really struggled with all of that today. Whatever I do makes no difference and it has left me feeling like I can’t carry on.

[Jaquaia]

It won't always be like that (panda)

[Suzi]

Hey chicky... (panda)(panda) I know it doesn't feel it, but calling for help is a huge positive. I know today's been hard and I know that you probably feel that you are faking it till you make it... know you don't have to pretend with us....

[Paula]

It WILL get better, I promise (bear)

[Strugglingmum]

I promise you it won't always feel like this. How do we know? Because we have been there and still go there at times. At the minute you probably feel like telling everyone to sod off but keep doing those things because they are normal and some day you'll realise that they are not such a chore and that yes, it does feel good to have clean hair or to drink coffee with a friend and smile at something she has said. My CPN kept telling me to keep doing the little things because eventually they make a difference, like chipping away at a wall. Some days will be better than others. At the moment you are so exhausted with no sleep that it's hard to imagine these little things making a difference. You are not doing them for other people, you are doing them for You, to fight, to get well. Sometimes we need someone to nag us to do them but it's for us. To get us well. To keep us well. And as ever, don't be hard on yourself. Be kind to you. See how big a thing you did today. I am so so proud of you. You Can keep fighting cause you got us to cheer you on as well as your friends/family/HTT. Love you. X

[Suzi]

How are you love?

[Allalone]

I’m not sure. I’ve now taken 3 promethezine so just feel numb and sleepy.

[Strugglingmum]

Hope you get some sleep huni. Xx

[Suzi]

How are you this morning lovely?

[Allalone]

I slept from about 10-3ish. Woken by a flashback but I was on the floor in my bedroom not in bed. The HTT are having a meeting with the psychiatrist this morning to discuss the way forward. The minute my sleep goes everything else gets worse and I can’t have EMDR until I’m more stable.
HTT are coming out this afternoon just got to try and stay safe until then.

[Strugglingmum]

(panda) stay safe and if you can't please ask for help. Xx

[Suzi]

How you doing love?

[Allalone]

I’ve had drinks, food and meds but I’m just numb. The HTT are coming out about 3.30pm. I just don’t know who I am, I think I’m a bit lost.

[OldMike]

(bear) (panda)

[Suzi]

We'll help you to be unlost....
We have torches and maps and a picnic and so it doesn't matter how long it takes....

[Allalone]

We'll help you to be unlost....
We have torches and maps and a picnic and so it doesn't matter how long it takes....

That has just made me cry. Well I’ve got a compass....

[Strugglingmum]

That has just made me cry. Well I’ve got a compass....

She always knows the right thing to say. Xx

[Suzi]

Didn't mean to make you cry.... Sorry... *hands tissues - I always bring lots as we have Paula who cries at everything... *

[Paula]

Cheek! ;)

Sweetheart, you found your way here. That alone was a huge positive step in your recovery. And, you know what, HTT and the psychiatrist are experts - together you will figure this out

[Allalone]

Thank you, I’ve used all mine so will put them in my pocket for later!!
I used to be able to keep my emotions under control but lately it’s got ridiculous, I can cry at anything.

[Suzi]

Crying at things isn't necessarily a bad thing...

[Paula]

Crying at things isn't necessarily a bad thing...

Definitely not a bad thing - I’m all for it!

[Suzi]

We know... lol (Kiss) (Kiss)

[Allalone]

But is it ok to cry at not having any sweets in the cupboard, or something random on the radio or that I forgot to give Ted his advent treat yesterday and the list could go on

HTT update-they are having a review meeting on Friday with the psychiatrist.

[Strugglingmum]

Hey i would definitely cry at not finding sweeties in the cupboard!!!
Keeping your emotions in check isn't always healthy. Be kind to you lovely. Xx

[Allalone]

Just something else that’s stemmed from my childhood, showing emotion was a weakness, I soon learnt not to after being punished.

I cried when the sweets weren’t there then about 10 minutes later I cried again as I remembered that I’d eaten them the day before!!

[Strugglingmum]

Me too hun. It only hurt more if you cried.

[Paula]

Showing emotion is not a weakness, it’s being human. Repressing our emotions only hurts us more imo

[Allalone]

Unfortunately yes. (SM)

[Allalone]

Showing emotion is not a weakness, it’s being human. Repressing our emotions only hurts us more imo
That may explain quite a lot then Paula.

[Suzi]

Thing is, you can only keep a certain amount bottled up before it explodes... You can only stop the explosion/implosion by talking and letting them trickle out bit by bit...

[Allalone]

Thing is, you can only keep a certain amount bottled up before it explodes... You can only stop the explosion/implosion by talking and letting them trickle out bit by bit...

I think mine are definitely fizzing Suzi, just not quite exploded yet. Could that be giving me this awful headache that I’ve had for a few days?! Or just lack of sleep or maybe both?!

[Suzi]

Both imho...