Me, part 673 *TRIGGERS*

[Suzi]

Ahh, but I go in for a hug anyway!
Shame she's not feeling well..

[Jaquaia]

I know, I was looking forward to seeing her. Can't be helped though

[Suzi]

Hope you have a lovely day anyway.

[Jaquaia]

So my lovely sister had yet another go at my mum yesterday about how much has been spent on Scarlett for Christmas yet she won't talk to my dad about it. I would dearly love to slap the selfish, spoilt brat but she isn't worth it! I know my mum doesn't deserve this though, just because she's too much of a coward to talk to our dad herself...

Can choose your friends...

In other news, Stella is here in just over an hour (party)

[Flo]

Did your lovely sister have a go because not enough is being spent, or too much? How right you are re 'you can choose your friends'....... give Stella my best wishes Jaq. Have a good day both of you.

[Jaquaia]

Too much in her opinion. He has gone overboard a bit , I think he's overcompensating as he doesn't see his other grandchildren, but it is him buying things and she's always hinting about stuff she needs but can't afford so he buys them. She should speak to him about it, not constantly have a go at my mum about it.

[Paula]

Have a lovely day with Stella!

[Suzi]

Hope you've had a lovely day with Stella!

[Jaquaia]

We just sat and talked a lot! It was good to catch up! And she's bought me an awesome model of the Iron Throne

[Suzi]

That's really fab! So glad you got to spend some time with her.

[Jaquaia]

Dynasties is really making me want to see the northern lights!

[Paula]

I’m watching it now and my hearts breaking :(

[Suzi]

Wasn't it awesome? Those amazing penguins!

How are you today gorgeous? Are you drinking? Medicated? Fed?

[Jaquaia]

I absolutely love Attenborough!

I'm ok, tired mainly. Have to confess that I've not done any of that yet. I woke up stiff so showered first instead. Got porridge in the microwave now though.

[Suzi]

Drink? Medicated?

I adore Attenborough too! Fern is a huge fan also so we tend to sit and watch them together!

[Strugglingmum]

Ooops that reminds me too. Must take meds. You too Jaq. X

[Jaquaia]

All medicated, working on the drinking, had quarter of a bottle of water so far, that's a lot for me by this time! And having a cuppa soup for lunch so getting some fluids in me there.

Spent some time with J this morning (inlove) He's worried that he hasn't spent a lot on me for my birthday bless him.

[Suzi]

Pfft, it's not about the cost it's about the thought!

Drink?

[OldMike]

Agreed it's a cliche but it's a truism it's the thought that counts.

[Jaquaia]

That's exactly what I told him! That the thought and effort going into a gift means so much more to me. I'm glad he told me though so I could reassure him.

[Suzi]

Drink?
Sounds like you are both used to being treated badly in the past....

[Jaquaia]

We are sadly. But we are helping each other deal with that. Tuesday night for example, he couldn't figure out why I was smiling so much as he's not used to a woman looking happy to be around him

[Suzi]

Aww! I think it's lovely...

[Paula]

Oh bless him .....

[Jaquaia]

Actually done one of my diamond pictures today. Hands are achey but it's been relaxing. Though that peace has just been shattered by trying to explain that she MUST get an appointment with the doctor in the next week and a half as her longtec hasn't been put on repeat...

[Suzi]

Oh no!
How are you this morning? Drink? Meds? Food?

[Jaquaia]

I'm tired but day out with J to look forward to tomorrow (inlove)

Planning on studying today. Ended up asking my mum if she's seen a heroin addict going cold turkey...

"No"
"Well you'll find out what it's like if you don't get an appointment sorted"

[Paula]

That’s all you can do, love. If she doesn’t listen, you can’t force her

[Jaquaia]

Well!!!! Dickhead has only gone and sent me a friends request on fb! He can (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) right off!!!

[Suzi]

It is all you can do for your Mum. She needs to take some responsibility for her life....

Dickhead really? I thought you'd made it very clear where he stood?

[Jaquaia]

Maybe calling him a parasite and reminding him of just how poorly he treated me was too subtle?

Apparently the fact that he now has an Aspergers diagnosis doesn't excuse how he treated me but goes some way to explaining it.... erm...no!

[Suzi]

Definitely not! We've always been really clear with B that he is never to use his diagnosis to excuse being a dick. Just don't be an arsehole in the first place!

[Jaquaia]

I'm sticking to my guns, he made my life a living hell, I'm still dealing with the fallout, and it's taken me a long time to feel happy again. He doesn't get to waltz in and ruining that, which is why I didn't even hesitate to decline his request.

And J is up to something! Told me that if I loved him I would keep my nose out of what he's up to this morning... have a feeling I'll be finding out tomorrow morning!!!!

[Suzi]

Awww!!!!

WRT dickhead - I'm so proud of you!!

[OldMike]

Awww!!!!

WRT dickhead - I'm so proud of you!!

Agreed.

WRT the Cockwomble he made your life a living hell so don't entertain him for a minute.

[Paula]

(rofl) mike - and I vote for that to be his new nickname!

[Jaquaia]

I sent J a screenshot...

"His photo does look like one the Hull Daily Mail might use in an article on a sex offender living in the local area."

(rofl)

[Suzi]

(rofl)(rofl)(rofl)

[Paula]

(rofl)

[Jaquaia]

Friend is annoying me going on and on about money today, not very subtly hinting to everyone that he needs to lend something, so ignored the phone when he rang. Told my mum who then says that she was surprised when he asked me to have a baby for him. I ignored her the other day when she said it. I ignored her tonight. But apparently that wasn't clear enough as she felt the need to repeat herself. I think that "oh lets just keep bringing up something that reminds me I can't have children mother" did it though....

[Suzi]

(panda)



Happy birthday gorgeous!

[Jaquaia]

Thank you!

[Allalone]

Happy birthday!!

[Paula]

Hope you have loads of fun, and get completely spoilt!

[OldMike]

Happy birthday Jaq hope you have a great day (party)

[Jaquaia]

I have had the most wonderful day! J took me up to Helmsley. It's lovely, such a pretty town! And he took me for lunch and to the book shop there, then just a walk around the town. We came back via Pocklington and another bookshop. A very simple, quiet day but I absolutely adored every second of it. He has made me feel so special and loved. I've been bought some awesome presents too! Everyone has bought me books, well except my brother, I have to wait until Friday for my card and present from him.... Anyone would think I love reading!!! (giggle)

[Paula]

That really does sound like a wonderful day :)

[OldMike]

Yes a truly wonderful day :)

[Jaquaia]

I mentioned the other day that I wanted to start drawing again, so he bought me a set of artists pencils as well as a full set of Jane Austen's books. I said months ago that though I loved Austen, I didn't have much of her work (inlove). My parents bought me a mini NES (cheeky gits don't even include the power cable so no Mario Bros 3 for me tonight!!!(rofl)), and the brand new Game of Thrones book that came out yesterday. I got "The Martian" off my sister and co, been eyeing that up for ages!!! As well as chocs, scented candles and some of those annoying clacker balls (rofl), and a lovely light up box frame from friends. The big surprise though...

J's parents have bought me a gorgeous, rust coloured scarf :) I think it's safe to say I'm accepted completely :)

[Strugglingmum]

Awwww. Hunni I am so delighted for you. What a special guy you've got and you so so deserve. And how special to get a lovely gift from his parents. Acceptance indeed. Hope you feel as special as you are. Xx

[Paula]

Awwwww that’s lovely :)

[Suzi]

I'm so pleased you've had such a lovely day! You don't deserve anything less!

[Jaquaia]

Oh my word!!! I've just had a proper look at the scarf and it's absolutely stunning! And 100% silk! I don't get bought gifts like this!!!

https://www.dropbox.com/s/5z17tj7do9u6b1e/20181121_183259.jpg?raw=1

[Allalone]

Sounds like you’ve had a fantastic day. J sounds perfect!

[Suzi]

That scarf is beautiful! Absolutely beautiful!

[Jaquaia]

Sounds like you’ve had a fantastic day. J sounds perfect!

He is my rock. It may be a cliche but he understands me


That scarf is beautiful! Absolutely beautiful!

I'm absolutely stunned! I've only met them once!

[Angie]

Glad that you have had such a good day hunni you deserve it, Happy birthday xxx

[Paula]

That is beautiful! And I think that proves how much they approve of how good you are for J :)

[Jaquaia]

I really hope so.

I think I'm overtired. My mood is sliding and feeling a little overwhelmed by everything, and lost so going to try and sleep.

[Suzi]

Sweetheart be kind to yourself. You've got so much going on with uni, the massive realisation about how hideous previous relationships have been and how different this one is, your parents, being accepted by J's parents.
One step at a time.
Have you had something to drink? Medicated? Food?

[Jaquaia]

I'm about 3 weeks behind with uni work but going to try and pace to catch up. I'm medicated and have eaten, had a drink to take my meds with. Just feel tired today. It's not helping that Talia keeps waking me up, 4am this morning...

[Paula]

(panda)

[Suzi]

Do you know what's up with Talia?
Have you had more to drink?

[Jaquaia]

I think she's been messing around in the garden rather than actually going for a wee on a night and as it's dark I can't see if she's gone or not. And she gets uncovered in the night and cries until she's wrapped up again.

I haven't actually had anything since I took my morning meds

[Suzi]

You have to cover her up at night? When Marc and I were "live in overnight security" at a kennels we had to put all the dogs to bed at night and we had 2 really large dobermans who had to be cuddled up with the right blanket over them and you had to say "night-ity night" to each one and then turn out the lights. If you didn't get it exactly right the bloody things barked and howled ALL NIGHT whether you got it in and redid it or not.........

[Jaquaia]

She won't settle in a winter unless she's wrapped up! If she manages to get her chunky butt up on my bed, she tries to dig her way under my quilt. She's a huge pain in the arse

[Suzi]

Aww, but you love her anyway!

[Jaquaia]

Hmmmm...

I'm actually not a dog person at all. The only reason I took her on when my sister got bored is because my mum was threatening to and she wouldn't have coped. I've always been fairly scared of dogs.

[Suzi]

Aww sounds like she's gotten under your skin!

[Paula]

Drink?

[Jaquaia]

I've had a glass of milkshake and have some water

[Suzi]

Eaten?

[Jaquaia]

Hard to get away with eating, my mum fusses

[Suzi]

How are you this morning?

[Jaquaia]

I'm ok. Showered. That's about all I've managed so far. Had a stomach ache for days now which is annoying me

[Suzi]

(panda) Do you know what's causing it?

Maybe you need to drink a bit more?

[Jaquaia]

You're probably right

[Suzi]

Lol... What's on your agenda for today?

[Jaquaia]

At some point, I'm going to start reading 'Persuasion'. Debating between studying or sorting my room out... might swap between both

[Paula]

Drink?

[Jaquaia]

Quarter of a bottle of water so far...

[Suzi]

How big's the bottle? I'm proud of you!

[Jaquaia]

About 800ml. Not drank much more than quarter of a bottle but that's actually a lot for me by this time

[Suzi]

ooo do you need some more mouthfuls?

[Jaquaia]

I never used to drink during the day at school or college, don't think I did at uni much either. I only drank at work because it was so hot and my supervisor was constantly reminding us.

[Suzi]

OO it's been a few hours, have you had anything to drink? (I've had 3 glasses of port........)

[Jaquaia]

I had a glass of milk and half a glass of lemon and lime with tea...

[Suzi]

Ahh, you must be due something else by now..... *handa Jaq a magic glass of lovliness...

[Jaquaia]

Just discovered that I never finished the lemon and lime.... oops!

[Suzi]

Drink woman!

[Jaquaia]

So my dad has guessed about me and J...

[Suzi]

and.....

[Jaquaia]

He's not said anything to me personally. He came round tonight and my mum told him he was staying for tea. My dad saw how we were together and when we came back up to carry on watching our film, he said to my mum "I thought there was nothing going on between them?". She's played dumb but it doesn't sound like my dad is buying it

[Suzi]

Is it a problem if he knows?

[Jaquaia]

No, it's only a problem if he tries to do the overprotective father thing. We're very relaxed and at ease around each other and instinctively affectionate, we don't always realise we're doing it, and that's what my dad has picked up on.

[Paula]

Every father does the overprotective father thing. My dad still hasn’t forgiven Katie’s dad, 20 years on .....

Why haven’t you told him before this?

[Jaquaia]

Because I don't trust his temper. J is the only man I have ever felt completely safe with, and I mean the ONLY man.

[Allalone]

Is it not better to tell him? I mean if he’s already guessed? If you and J are that relaxed with each other then surely he can say that J isn’t going to hurt you.

[Paula]

Because I don't trust his temper. J is the only man I have ever felt completely safe with, and I mean the ONLY man.

(panda)

[Suzi]

I'm sorry lovely. You and J deserve to be so happy and away from all the negativity!

[Allalone]

Is it not better to tell him? I mean if he’s already guessed? If you and J are that relaxed with each other then surely he can say that J isn’t going to hurt you.

On second thoughts does it matter? As long as you’re both happy, that’s all that counts isn’t it! It’s good that you have someone like J.(inlove)x

[Jaquaia]

J only recently got out of an emotionally and physically abusive marriage. It's been over for years really but the evil bitch had him convinced that everything was all his fault so he stayed for the children believing he deserved it. He only started seeing his marriage for what it was when he met me again, just over a year ago (we were at uni together and lost touch). My dad is aware he's married and only recently separated, he's not aware that it's been going on a while as we couldn't help falling in love. My dad can be quite aggressive, especially when it comes to his children and especially if he's had a lot to drink. I know he just wants his children to be happy and J makes me very happy, but his reactions can be very unpredictable...

[Suzi]

(panda)(panda)(panda)

[Jaquaia]

Spent all day ironing. Back is really hurting now but just starting my second drink of the day now I can sit down...

[OldMike]

Ironing you have my sympathy, I do my best to avoid that chore, though I do have that piece of equipment every gentleman should have a trouser press :)

[Allalone]

J only recently got out of an emotionally and physically abusive marriage. It's been over for years really but the evil bitch had him convinced that everything was all his fault so he stayed for the children believing he deserved it. He only started seeing his marriage for what it was when he met me again, just over a year ago (we were at uni together and lost touch). My dad is aware he's married and only recently separated, he's not aware that it's been going on a while as we couldn't help falling in love. My dad can be quite aggressive, especially when it comes to his children and especially if he's had a lot to drink. I know he just wants his children to be happy and J makes me very happy, but his reactions can be very unpredictable...

It’s so good that you’ve found each other.(inlove)

[Paula]

I don’t iron, unless there really is no way around it. When Si moved in with me I told him straight out I wasn’t going to do any ironing, the kids always wore clothes that didn’t need it growing up and have throws to cover up unironed bed sheets ;). I refuse to waste my precious life on chores I hate that can be worked around lol

For those who don’t know me well, I’m not really a slob, my house is always very clean and tidy and my family and I always clean and well turned out (rofl)

[Jaquaia]

People actually iron bed sheets???? :o

It needed doing, I was starting to struggle to reach the top (giggle)


It’s so good that you’ve found each other.(inlove)

I think so too (inlove)

[Paula]

People actually iron bed sheets???? :o

Allegedly - though I’ve yet to see proof (giggle)

[Suzi]

My sil irons sheets, tea towels, underpants... Oh yes she really truly does. The woman is possessed!

Jaq, what happened to pacing with it?

[Jaquaia]

Erm.... (angel)

To be honest, I should have. My lower back and hips hurt and my hand is flaring slightly...

[Suzi]

I imagine you are in pain today..... Have you had a drink? Medicated? Food?

[Jaquaia]

I woke up really stiff but a shower has helped that. Hands are just stiff and achey, which i can cope with. Drink, meds and food is next on the list

[Suzi]

Glad you're not too sore love x

[Jaquaia]

I'm even going to pace myself with studying today!

[Suzi]

Bloody hell!

[Jaquaia]

What???? I listen!!!! :P

[OldMike]

What???? I listen!!!! :P

Woo hoo I think she's got it ;)

[Suzi]

How's it going?

[Paula]

What???? I listen!!!! :P

*Splutters coffee all over the ipad* you soooo don’t !!

[Jaquaia]

How's it going?

Ok! I've stripped and remade both beds and written 5 sides of notes... that's pacing right? (think)


*Splutters coffee all over the ipad* you soooo don’t !!

:o

[Suzi]

You are your own worst enemy!

[Jaquaia]

I've been watching Dr Who since half 7. Not happy as J has overtaken me!!! How very dare he!!!

[Suzi]

OO where are you up to?

[Jaquaia]

I missed a lot of the Matt Smith and Clara ones and haven't seen any Peter Capaldi so starting from the series where Amy is pregnant.

[Suzi]

WAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY back then? Awesome! You've some awesome and some really crap episodes to come then!

[Jaquaia]

Nothing can be as crap as Love and Monsters. HATE that episode!!!

[Jaquaia]

NOT happy!!!!!! My mums pain management consultant said about dropping her longtec by 20mg every few weeks to wean her off it. Her doctor said the same when I queried if they'd had the letter from the hospital and dropped her from 120mg twice a day to 110mg twice a day. For some reason, the doctor has put a pharmacist in charge of her dose decrease. The pharmacist rang her last week and didn't even query how she'd cope with the first decrease! She's picked her prescription up today and I've noticed they've dropped her dose by 40mg a day. A 40mg decrease of an opiod drug....

[Suzi]

That's terrible! Are you complaining?

[Jaquaia]

I am. Bear with me as this could be a long one...

So when my mum saw the pain management consultant, he said that he wanted her to wean off the longtec and to come off it slowly at around 20mg every few weeks. When she saw the doctor, I queried if they'd received the letter, which they had, and he reduced her dose.

So, originally on 120mg, twice a day.
120 × 2 = 240mg a day

1st reduction, the GP put her on 110mg twice a day.
110 × 2 = 220mg

20mg reduction yes? For some reason, the pharmacist was put in charge of her reduction but didn't ask how she coped with the first reduction. My mum picked her prescription up yesterday and the pharmacy label clearly stated 90mg twice a day... now last time I did maths;
90 × 90=180
220 - 180 = 40

By my reckoning, she should have been put on 100mg twice a day;
100 × 2 = 200
220 - 200 = 20
So exactly what the consultant said!

The large decrease concerned me so I made her ring the doctors and query it as I thought it was too big a decrease in one go, and queried it with my friend who was a nurse before he was medically retired. The pharmacist managed to convince her she was right so I did go a bit mad at my mum and made her ring back again but this time ask them to talk to me. I have absolutely no idea how I never ended up ranting and raving at her!!!

She started by giving me the idiots guide to how modified release tablets work, which I told her I knew. I then went through my maths and her response was to tell me how many hours there were in a day!!! Told her I knew and I wasn't stupid, except it kept going like this until I had enough... "Believe it or not, I'm educated. I actually hold an honours degree. I wouldn't have got that far without learning what a day is"

She apologised and admitted that she would probably have interpreted it the same way as I did and she'd try and talk to me the same way she would a fellow pharmacist. Except she wouldn't accept the maths! I even gave her a way out and said that maybe the consultants letter had been misinterpreted but she still insisted it was correct. At that point I told her if she was struggling with the maths then maybe she's in the wrong job.... naughty me! She eventually went to see a doctor who agreed to slow it down and she's going to be on 100mg twice a day. I'm just utterly disgusted. How can a pharmacist argue with the maths??? My mums already struggling massively with the pain.

[Suzi]

That's ridiculous! What a complete farce.

[Jaquaia]

Tell me about it!!! I was absolutely livid!!!

[Paula]

Well done for standing your ground. You did awesomely!

[Jaquaia]

I had to Paula or my mum would have suffered. I'm not having her suffering unnecessarily because of medical staff.

[Suzi]

How are you today gorgeous?

[Jaquaia]

Honestly? Not great. I've not got any work done as I couldn't focus, I've manage to wrap Scarletts Christmas presents and that's it. I can tell my heads not been great as I've gotten very insecure with J. Totm isn't helping either.

[Paula]

Then you need to give yourself a break and stop beating yourself up. It doesn’t matter if you haven’t done any work today, there is always tomorrow when, hopefully, you’ll be able to get focussed (panda)

[Jaquaia]

Me? Beat myself up? I have no idea what you're talking about....

[Paula]

Noooooo ;)

[Jaquaia]

I have noticed recently that my mood drops when I'm on my period. I mentioned it to J and he's said that he's noticed that too. It's the first time I've ever been able to notice a pattern as it's the first time I've been stable since my early 20s.

[Strugglingmum]

That is really an important fact to have noticed Jaq. Mine dips a bit too and it means I know there is a reason for my dip. It's a n important thing to mention next time you see your Dr. X

[Jaquaia]

So much is setting me off crying tonight. It's ridiculous!

[Paula]

Nothing wrong with a few tears .... I recommend it ;)

[Jaquaia]

I just feel stupid. Me and J have been talking about our future and even the thought of him becoming a grandad made me cry!

[Paula]

We are all allowed to emotional and irrational and difficult sometimes - especially at totm. And if you can’t be those things with your soul mate, when can you?

[Suzi]

Sweetheart are you keeping a record of it? Are you taking anything like evening primrose or on the pill?

[Jaquaia]

I'm not. Apparently the doctor is reluctant to put me on the pill because of my weight.

Paula, that's exactly what he is (inlove)

[Suzi]

OK is there any reason you can't take evening primrose?

[Jaquaia]

I never really knew about it!

[Suzi]

Oh! It takes a few months to get into your system, but I know loads of people who swear by it...

[Jaquaia]

Doctors have messed up my prescription. It's supposed to be sent electronically and their system was down. Instead of leaving the electronic prescriptions until the system was back up, they've printed them all out and I have to go and pick it up at the doctors, except no one bothered to let me know. Been going backwards and forwards to the chemist.... They claimed that they couldn't possibly let everyone of their 20,000 patients know but there's no way on this earth that all 20,000 had put repeat prescriptions in for monday. I ended up putting the phone down on her excuses as I've had enough of that place this week. So typically I have to go for blood tests tomorrow....

[Suzi]

What a nightmare!

[Jaquaia]

I've had enough of them this week. Very nearly ended up in tears again but bourbon biscuits saved the day

[Suzi]

You found my stash of bourbons?

You OK gorgeous lady?

[Jaquaia]

It was my dads stash, so shhhhhh... don't tell him! I'm starting to doubt you even have bourbons....

I'm very up and down. I've never realised how much my hormones affected me before, but now the penny has dropped I'm really aware of it.

[Suzi]

I so DO have bourbons.... Would you like one?

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-iubUP6LCPfM/U--ECQ-u_JI/AAAAAAAAK14/OpLgWbiPiow/s1600/bourbons.jpg

[Jaquaia]

I shouldn't... my dad is making toad in the hole...

[Paula]

Oooo yum, I love toad in the hole *slurp*

(Hate bourbons)

[Jaquaia]

With Lincolnshire sausages too so yay

[Strugglingmum]

Love love love toad in the hole!!
Also love bourbons however custard creams are the poison if choice here (also known as daddy's gold- yes he hides them from the kids)

[Jaquaia]

Why does my dad insist on talking to me about what's in the news???? He bitches about politicians but when I say that's why people need to vote "what's the (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)ing point?" That's exactly what the point is!!! As everyone thinking like that means nothing changes!!!! He bitches about benefits amd "scroungers". He bitches about immigrants and won't listen to opposing views, instead regurgitates the bigoted, xenophobic (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) that is published in the tabloids!

Argh!!!!!

[Allalone]

Toad in the hole sounds good but living in Cumbria it’s got to be Cumberland sausage!! I prefer custard creams to bourbons but I wouldn’t say no to one Suzi!;)

[Jaquaia]

I do prefer Cumberland actually!

[OldMike]

Not had toad in the hole for ages, when it comes to bikkies I like Jaffa cakes best :)

[Suzi]

Hope your evening has been a bit easier lovely...

[Jaquaia]

Back to watching Dr Who

[Suzi]

Awesome way to spend an evening...

[Jaquaia]

It would be better snuggled up with J but at least I've got him into Dr Who!!!

[Suzi]

How could he not be into Doctor Who? Strange man...

How are you today gorgeous?

[Jaquaia]

He'd never seen it before! But he started watching it because he knew I liked it and he's hooked!!!

I'm ok, a bit flat but ok

[Jaquaia]

Oh (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)!!!! What have I done???? I've just messaged a driving instructor to possibly start in January....

[Suzi]

That's so exciting! Ben's had a couple of lessons on the track at Mercedes Benz world, but he's starting proper ones on Monday!

[Jaquaia]

She's got a load of people testing in January and is going to let me know then, and has said to look at my theory for now.

[Suzi]

Good for you!

[Jaquaia]

I'm (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)ting bricks! I couldn't even ring her! I had to message her on fb! How am I going to cope with lessons?!?!

[Paula]

You’ll be great. I know that cos you ace every challenge you set yourself. Remember how you were bricking it starting your studies? And how’s that going??? ;)

[Jaquaia]

I'm 3 weeks behind!!!!






I know, I know! You're right... *grumbles*

[Paula]

So not the point lol. You’ve passed everything you’ve done over the past couple of years, usually with high marks and despite not believing in yourself. Driving won’t be any different. And don’t forget the instructor deals with nervous drivers every day - they’ll know how to help you

[Jaquaia]

I know you're right. My dad and brother both know her through her husband and have said she's lovely

[Suzi]

Morning! How are you lovely?

[Jaquaia]

I'm ok I think.

[Suzi]

You don't sound too sure.... Medicated? Food? Drink?

[Jaquaia]

Yes, yes, working on it....

I'm just a bit flat today. Possibly hormones but then I do struggle with them doing something together with the children. It doesn't matter that I know how much he loves me, I find that hard.

[Paula]

It’s perfectly reasonable to find that hard, hunni.

Have you eaten, drunk, medicated?

[Strugglingmum]

I've drunk but even the thought of food makes me feel sick. Likewise meds. I'm not sure they will stay down. Will try them later.

[Jaquaia]

Oh (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)!!!

"Do you want to start lessons this Monday?"

*flapping like a flappy thing in flappy town*

[Paula]

So you are?

[Jaquaia]

Yes. I let her know that I'm in a bit of a panic, I mean I'm physically shaking! But I know if I said no I would keep putting it off

[Strugglingmum]

I've drunk but even the thought of food makes me feel sick. Likewise meds. I'm not sure they will stay down. Will try them later.

Sorry, wrong thread. Shows where my head is

[Jaquaia]

No need to apologise lovely!

[Paula]

Yes. I let her know that I'm in a bit of a panic, I mean I'm physically shaking! But I know if I said no I would keep putting it off

Can I just say this again, *not nagging*, that you won’t be expected to know the Highway Code on your first lesson ...... ;)

[Jaquaia]

I know but this is me and fear of the unknown sends my anxiety skyrocketing. Propranolol may be a good idea on Monday...

On the other hand, J has so much faith in me that he's already been looking at cars for me!!!!!

[Suzi]

Why wouldn't he? You're awesome. You will be able to do this, but you have to take it one bit at a time love....

[Jaquaia]

I know. I will be a lot calmer after my first lesson

[Paula]

You love a challenge so I’m betting you’re going to love this one :)

[Jaquaia]

I'm wondering if I'm taking too much on at the same time, what with my degree and my counselling course starting in February

[Paula]

Give it a go. If you are struggling, you can just temporarily stop the lessons to take the pressure off but the longer you leave it to start lessons the harder it will become

[Jaquaia]

I've left it 18 years!!! Another one won't hurt!


Oh! I see your point! (giggle)

[Suzi]

You might love it - I love driving and I love my car! You just have to focus on just driving for your driving time though and that might actually be good for you!

How are you doing today?

[Allalone]

Hope you don’t mind me dropping in on the conversation!
Give it a go, I really enjoy the freedom you get from driving. When you’re learning your focus will be just that learning, like Paula said if you find it too much or if you don’t enjoy it press pause for a bit. You won’t know until you give it a go!!

[Jaquaia]

It's something I have to do as I'm moving to a village with only 2/3 buses a day, so it is a necessity really. It's kind of exciting and scary all at the same time.

I'm ok, a bit headachey so going to just plod today.

[Suzi]

How's the plodding going?

[Jaquaia]

It's gone ok. Wrapped some presents, cleared space for some books. J has been here all evening, he even stayed for tea. Annoyingly, he knows when I'm not right and won't let it slide.

Oh and I accidentally elbowed him in the head...

[Suzi]

How did you accidentally elbow him in the head?

[Jaquaia]

We were messing about and I turned my back on him in fake outrage so he went to tickle me...

[Paula]

Oops. That’s the sort of thing I do “accidentally” (rofl)

[Suzi]

Marc broke my fingers years ago when I was tickling him - I hasten to add, it wasn't intentional or malicious and my fingers break really, really easily....However I've never let him forget it! (rofl)

[Jaquaia]

He's really milking it!!!! Twat!!! It's a good job I love him (inlove)

[Suzi]

(rofl)(rofl) How are you today love?

[Jaquaia]

Wet and nervous as hell. It's slinging it down ;(

[Suzi]

What time's the lesson? (Ben is going at 330 - 530 and it's peeing it down here too!)

Drink?

[Paula]

How did it go?

[Jaquaia]

3pm. It's only an hour. And this morning J mentioned talking to his parents when I've got some lessons under my belt and seeing if they'll put me on their insurance so he can take me out to practise. Their cars are smaller than his and not poorly!

[Strugglingmum]

Jaq when my eldest was learning we were able to get insurance that covered him and not a specific car. It meant he could go out with me in my car or with his dad. I think the company was called marmalade or something like that. They specialise in learners insurance. Might be worth looking into depending on the size of quote you get. X
Good luck, you'll love driving once you get started. And don't worry about the rain, instructors are very experienced in all weather's. X

[Jaquaia]

My parents have said no outright to me practising in their car and my brother has said no to going on his insurance. I'll look into that! Thank you!!!

I have a headache now...

[Jaquaia]

I'm too old for that one... (that's depressing!) But I have found one. Texted my brother..."So you know you said ages ago about taking me out in your car but then said about insurance...." and sent him the link!

Apparently I'm subtle as a brick! (giggle)

[OldMike]

Hope all goes well with your driving lesson :)

[Suzi]

Thanks for the marmalade tip! I've just bookmarked it to look at properly!

Hope you've had a great time Jaq!

[Jaquaia]

That is THE scariest thing I have ever done!!!! I kept panicking, stalled about 3 or 4 times, kerbed it once, but I didn't crash!!! But holy (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)!!!!

[Paula]

Only 3 or 4?? Sweetheart, I’ve managed to stall my automatic car, which I’ve been told by many people is completely impossible. Your instructor will expect you to stall

[Strugglingmum]

Huni, at times I still stall, especially in a car I've not driven before and I've been driving for 28years and drove all day every day for 20 years as a district nurse. I also confess to hitting the odd kerb, but don't tell A. I think you did awesome for a first time. Freedom is coming Jaq

[Jaquaia]

A lot of it is she took me to a quiet area near a school, except it's not quiet near kicking out time is it?! That raised my anxiety levels. There was soooo much info to take in too, but every time I saw head lights in the rear view mirror I panicked as I'm used to being in the car with my dad bitching whenever they're stuck behind a learner and I couldn't help but imagine them doing that too. I only had one "what are you doing?" though and I even managed to steer around someone with her car door open and between a car and a van parked opposite! My road positioning was dodgy a fair bit but I know that will come in time.

Exhausted now!!!

[Suzi]

Erm, what were you expecting? To get straight in and drive with zero mistakes? Sweetheart you're doing brilliantly. It'll all come in time. We all had to start somewhere....

[Jaquaia]

To be honest, I was expecting me to have reduced the instructor to a nervous wreck!!!! I could have very easily cried by the end of the lesson

[Suzi]

Just take it one bit at a time lovely....

[Paula]

You drove, you missed hitting the idiot with the car door open, you got everyone back in one piece (including the car). You did good

[Jaquaia]

I will. My instructor helpfully told me that if she feels like I'm not making progress she'll cancel lessons...

[Suzi]

Better that then keep on taking your money....

[Angie]

Sweetie Ive been driving nearly 30 years and believe me I'm not perfect you have done so well for your first lesson

[Jaquaia]

It's scary but I need to do this. I did find it a bit awkward! I have a long body, short arms and legs and a big belly and boobs! Fitting behind the steering wheel so I can depress the clutch all the way was fun!!!!

[Suzi]

Does the seat go up and down as well as back and forwards? What about the steering wheel? Move the back of the chair too....

How are you this morning?

[Jaquaia]

I'm tired. Hospital and driving lesson was surprisingly tiring and I have exactly the same next Monday

[Suzi]

Can't you change one of them so they are on different days?

[Jaquaia]

I'll get rheumatology out of the way as I'm going to get them to chase up the OT and Monday is the only time my instructor is anywhere near me.

I keep going through the stages of moving the car in my head!!!

[OldMike]

I'll get rheumatology out of the way as I'm going to get them to chase up the OT and Monday is the only time my instructor is anywhere near me.

I keep going through the stages of moving the car in my head!!!

Hope you remembered to shout YELLOW CAR every time you saw a yellow car (Cabin Pressure joke there) (giggle)

[Suzi]

How are you lovely?

[Paula]

Hey lovely, you don’t sound great .....

[Jaquaia]

I'm ok, just feeling a bit flat though a bit better now. J took me out for tea, then we just came back and cuddled up. He's only just left as we fell asleep together, the letting him go bit sucks though. Looking forward to 2 weeks today; Travis and then we're finally spending the night together. As nauseating as it may sound, I can't wait to wake up next to him. Just a couple of months ago it felt like we would never get to this stage so this is huge for me.

[Paula]

That’s be huge for anyone. :)

[Suzi]

That is huge...
Drink? Meds? Food?

[Jaquaia]

Just. I woke up late and then spent an hour on the phone with J as my phone had died and he had panicked I wasn't ok and had been rushed to the hospital or was angry with him and refusing to speak to him and wasn't letting him apologise... she has a lot to answer for :@

Still, am showered, fed, medicated, I have a drink and have promised J that I will drink more today as I only had a glass of pepsi and water to take my meds with yesterday...

[Allalone]

Oh bless him!

Well done on the meds, food and drink.(y)

[Suzi]

Oh poor J!

How's the drinking going??

[Jaquaia]

He's popping round after work to watch the Apprentice with me so I'm going to give him lots and lots of hugs and as much reassurance as he needs.

It's going slowly but I am still sipping. Trying to do some work today, not getting very far with it though. Keep getting distracted by music

[Suzi]

Keep drinking love..

[Jaquaia]

Doing better today but it's a struggle. On my 3rd drink, still not enough though really.

[Suzi]

But it's better than yesterday! So it's going in the right direction!

[Jaquaia]

That is true. It's trying to break a lifetime of bad habits really.

[Suzi]

One sip at a time!

[Paula]

Hey, lovely, you’re quiet ....