View Full Version : Loneliness *SU Trigger*
That's so awesome! Are they making any special arrangements so she can take a break if needed etc? And yes, she sounds amazing!
Strugglingmum
30-04-19, 10:31 PM
I am getting a letter from her therapist stating her issues. It will be decided on from there. My daughter really doesn't want it but I suggested it as a safeguard in case she had a bad day and is finding it a struggle to focus and not meltdown.
Always best to have a "just in case" plan ;)
Strugglingmum
01-05-19, 08:50 AM
I slept!! And feel a lot better for it. Might actually get some motivation going today to do things. (Much needed things)(giggle)
Allalone
01-05-19, 09:01 AM
It’s good that you slept. Enjoy your day!
Well I am hoping it will last the day :)
Strugglingmum
01-05-19, 03:30 PM
Put a chicken in the oven and forgot about it. Grrrr
Hate wasting food! (And I can't afford to) will be picking the bones of this one to try and rescue some.
Mrs Forgetful strikes again.
I hate it when I do things like that! So frustrating!
Oops :(. How are you feeling after your nights sleep?
How was the rest of the day?
Strugglingmum
01-05-19, 11:01 PM
I'm hoping to sleep tonight again. We were up at our church tonight for our midweek. A and I were on rota to serve tea/coffee after so a later night and of course I got to stress about serving! My brain is racing. Going to get my tablets and go to bed and try relax. Xx
Well done for going tonight, hunni
Did you sleep well lovely?
Strugglingmum
02-05-19, 06:46 PM
Took me a long time to settle last night. When I did sleep is was just ok.
Anyway, a busy busy day. I had my craft class and we painted/decorated little birdhouses. They are very cute.
Then I had dentist for a check up. Came home had lunch, put another load on the line and another in the machine. Went to exercise my democratic right in our local council elections, walked Katie on the beach, came home made tea, another load on the line, went picked A up from work, cooked his tea and finally now have my feet up.
Have a date with my crochet hook tonight I think. Starting an extra morning in the training centre tomorrow to do part of my catering qualification.
My 2nd child officially leaves school tomorrow. He is on study leave for his A levels. Tomorrow night he plans to party with his mates up in Belfast. I'm already stressing about him being ok up in the city.
You have not been sitting still. More then enough to do. But you did it well. And good to put your feet up and do a bit of crochet. That might help with chilling a bit. Your son must be so pleased to have done it. And being able to have a party because of it. I am sure that it will be fine.
I hope you're resting now Mrs!!!
Strugglingmum
02-05-19, 09:45 PM
Feet up all evening. Crochet hook in hand, pink and white wool galore.
Aww crocheting for the new royal babe? ;)
Strugglingmum
03-05-19, 01:44 PM
Oh is the baby born??? Is it a girl??
Lol, not as far as I know, but thought you might have been given a special, secret commission (rofl)
Strugglingmum
03-05-19, 09:27 PM
Lol, not as far as I know, but thought you might have been given a special, secret commission (rofl)
You'll get me arrested for starting royal rumours!!! (rofl)
How are the orders going?
I hope awesomely. My mum is doing crochet lately and its made me want to try it too.
I wish I could crochet. I could never get it right so I stick to knitting....although my mum was good at it. You seem to be close to the sea. I miss not walking my Greyhound on the beach. I had to limit her walking or rather running to winter time on the beach because she used to frighten the life out of other dog owners galloping along to meet them and their dogs. She didn't have a bad bone in her body though. Have a good day and happy crocheting.
I hope awesomely. My mum is doing crochet lately and its made me want to try it too.Why not Mira? Go for it. My dad was a good knitter!
I'm rubbish at knitting, but love my crochet and cross stitch!
How are you today lovely?
Strugglingmum
04-05-19, 11:44 PM
Hi all. Today has been a bit of a struggle. I increased my AD today and I think its made me feel a bit off. I feel sickish and lethargic.
I have stomach pain.
I have all my crochet orders completed now. I learnt to crochet off YouTube. There are lots of tutorials for easy projects. I used to knit a lot but now prefer crochet.
Flo I am blessed to live in a beautiful part of the world. I have a sea Lough coast line 5 mins walk 1 way and the Irish sea coastline just 2miles the other direction and I'm surrounded by countryside. I can see the Mourns mountains from my upstairs window across the Lough. We call it God's own country.
Have you eaten and had enough to drink? Can you be kind to yourself whilst it settles?
How are you feeling this morning?
Strugglingmum
05-05-19, 03:02 PM
I feel really washed out today. I got up and went to church. I really had to push myself to move but I'm glad I did. I'm trying to eat a little but often. I've a sore head and really just don't feel wonderful. Putting it down to increase in tablet so hopefully it will even out in a few days. Feet up with a cuppa.
You are doing your best. And thats awesome (panda)
Keep your feet up for a little while love. You deserve it.
Allalone
05-05-19, 07:49 PM
Take it easy hun.x
Well done for going to church. Did it help? Is there anyone at church who knows you’re poorly that can offer support?
Strugglingmum
05-05-19, 10:35 PM
Well done for going to church. Did it help? Is there anyone at church who knows you’re poorly that can offer support?
I have some people there who know and they are supportive. We went back for the evening service too.
Still feeling a bit sickish and tired. Early bed for me. See you all tomorrow.
It's great you have somewhere supportive and where you can gain strength from. It's really good.
How are you doing this morning lovely?
Strugglingmum
06-05-19, 08:12 PM
Hi all. How has your bank holiday been?
Anyone dance around a maypole??
Today we went looking for quotes for paving for our new patio. I must confess I was half-hearted and very little help. I couldn't get excited about it. Anyway we have chosen what we are getting and A will order it tomorrow. I have had a splitting head all day. Finding it hard to do what needs doing.
Fire lit, feet up and being lazy. (snooze)
Allalone
06-05-19, 08:35 PM
That’s not being lazy, that's looking after yourself. Take care.x
(panda)
I’m not sure patio stones would excite me either ..... easier day tomorrow?
Not the kind of thing I get excited over either! lol
Yes I hope today will be a bit easier.
How are you today lovely?
Strugglingmum
08-05-19, 08:42 PM
Been semi productive today. Washing , ironing, a bit of cleaning.
I've had a headache for 3 days but this evening I had a lovely talk with my daughter about lots of different things. I really enjoyed just chatting things over. It's been a while since she opened up to me like that so it made my day.
Sounds like a good day. Its great you had that great evening with your daughter.
Jaquaia
08-05-19, 08:57 PM
That sounds lovely, well apart from the ironing. That bit doesn't sound lovely
Ironing sucks, but talking to your baby sounds awesome.
Has your headache disappeared yet?
Strugglingmum
09-05-19, 08:09 PM
Today has been a better day.
I went to my craft group this morning and did mosaic on a little wooden box. It was very relaxing. I've been doing crochet a lot of the day and just relaxing.
Tomorrow we have CAMHS and then I have an appointment to meet my new CPN. I'm a bit anxious about it. I'm sure she will be ok but after my last experience I feel very wary and a bit reluctant to get involved with someone new.
I can understand that - tell them that's how you are feeling... You won't be the first or last person to feel that way.
Can you pace in between sessions?
Strugglingmum
09-05-19, 11:32 PM
Sleep does not appear to be coming tonight.
I only have a short time between dropping my daughter to school after CAMHS and my own appt but that may be better. Less time to think and worry.
Good luck with your appt. and new CPN. I'm sure she'll be lovely and you'll have nothing to worry about. Thinking of you.
Thinking of you today.. Let us know how you get on?
Hope it goes ok today, lovely
Best of luck today (panda)
Allalone
10-05-19, 02:52 PM
Hope you’re appointments have gone ok.x
Strugglingmum
10-05-19, 03:54 PM
Just home. Camhs appointment went ok. She is talking it out with them and they are happy enough with where she is at.
My appointment was ok too. My new CPN seems very nice, young but ok to talk to. She seems interested and encouraging. I was honest with her and she was ok with me finding the change hard. My old CPN is not coming back to the post so I just have to get on with making a relationship with my new one. It's good to know that he isn't coming back and I can stop hoping and waiting for him.
I took my daughter for lunch when she came out of school so now im tired. Im home, feet up and a cuppa. At the moment i feel it would be very easy for my mood to slip so I am battling to keep it up. Maybe feel better after a rest.
Thanks for asking everybody. Xx
You’ve done brilliantly :)
I hope you have spent the whole evening with your feet up!
Your new CPN sounds lovely!
You have definitely earnt a chufty badge today!
Strugglingmum
14-05-19, 12:06 PM
Hi all. Hope everyones weather is as lovely as ours.
I have been in the garden pulling weeds and tidying a bit.
I have a friend coming to see me tomorrow and its about 10/12 years since I last saw her. We were student nurses together all those years ago and partied and holidayed together(angel). We hold many memories and stories of each other in our mad days so I'm really looking forward to seeing her again and catching up. She lives quite a long way away so I'm chuffed She is travelling all this way.
I've been a bit low all weekend but this has given me a lift. It's also hubby birthday today so need to be brightvand cheery for him.
Happy birthday hubby! Sounds like you've been really busy!
It sounds awesome to see your friend again! I hope you have a brilliant, brilliant time!
Sounds like tomorrow’s going to be wonderful :)
Hope you have fun today :)
Strugglingmum
15-05-19, 07:35 PM
My friend came to visit today. We worked out it was 12 years since we had last been together but my goodness we talked and talked and talked. It was as if we were never apart. She was so understanding about my mental health and so supportive but I was also able to listen to her troubles and support her. It really gave me a lift. I am exhausted and did little the rest of the day but all the prep for her visit means the house is fairly clean.... and I'm clean cause I actually showered today after not being able to for over a week. Crochet this evening in the Sun.
This is awesome. I am glad you had this time with your friend. It can help a lot. To just be around good people. Enjoy the crochet and the sun. You deserve it.
I'm so pleased for you! It's awesome to have friends like that!
It is absolutely lovely to see you post that :) I’m so glad you’ve had a good day!
Morning lovely, how are you today?
Strugglingmum
16-05-19, 10:07 AM
Morning boss lady. I've been indulgent and have only just got up. Coffee, banana and meds on the go. My craft class is cancelled this morning so going to tackle the ironing pile and put on some music to keep me going.
Make sure you pace with the ironing please?
“Ironing pile” eurgh - that phrase is the equivalent of sp*ders to me!
Strugglingmum
16-05-19, 08:23 PM
(rofl)
I got all the ironing done, went to the dentist for the last bit of treatment, then met my daughter for her eye appointment. Home late so glad I had a chilli cooking in the slow cooker. My MIL was taken away in an ambulance today so hubby is anxious. He is getting ready to head to Belfast to see her.
I'm not going as she is still in A&E and its the same one I end up in when I've overdosed. I don't have good memories of it and my anxiety is up at the thought of having to go. I feel guilty leaving him to go alone. I feel very selfish as I know he would go with me if it was reversed.
Anyway hopefully it will be ok news.
Oh hunni I’m sorry. I hope she’s ok (panda). And, no, I don’t think you’re selfish- you’re protecting hubby from having to look after you at the same time as trying to deal with his worry over his mum
I don't think you're being selfish at all! He needs to be a son right now, not worrying about you or the kids or anything else - I hope you know what I mean... Hope she's OK.
Strugglingmum
17-05-19, 10:46 AM
So I have no idea what is going on. I stayed up to 2am but my hubby hadn't returned. When I woke this morning he was already away to work. I'm sure he has had very little sleep. He will be exhausted so I am trying to make sure there is as little stress here as possible. That means me being in top form and on top of things. Now I just need motivation.!!
It doesn't mean pushing yourself to take on everything and then collapsing, so please, please, please pace.
How’s your day been, hunni?
Allalone
17-05-19, 09:37 PM
Sending hugs hun.(panda)
Strugglingmum
17-05-19, 11:15 PM
Today has been hard. MIL went for an MRI scan. We are waiting for results. We are also concerned about her General condition on admission, dehydrated and hadn't eaten in a week.
Hubby is doing the man thing of not talking about it.
I went for a walk/run this afternoon as my head wasn't in a good place. I've just been distracting all evening and ready for meds and bed.
(panda) I get the hubby doing the man thing - mine is doing the same right now. Big hugs, lovely
Mine's doing the same too. It makes it so hard!
Hope that MIL gets better soon lovely. How are you doing today...
Strugglingmum
18-05-19, 01:04 PM
Hi all. We have been to the town to do the shopping and back and all put away. I just seem to tire so easily this weather i dont know whats wrong. Im curled up on the sofa in a blanket and no real motivation to move. The rain has hit today so at least i dont need to water the garden. I should really get up and bake or something but im in a bit of a dip.
OldMike
18-05-19, 02:36 PM
I find the warm weather rather tiring too, if it's raining curled up under a blankie on the sofa is the best place to be. (panda)
Sometimes you just have to give in to how you feel lovely.... Hope you've felt brighter.
Strugglingmum
18-05-19, 10:06 PM
Took the hubby out for a meal tonight as it was his birthday during the week.
Was nice to spend time with him. We called at the hospital to see MIL as well as we were up in Belfast.
Strugglingmum
19-05-19, 01:53 AM
The results from her MIR were inconclusive so to be repeated on Monday. She is not very well at all. We are going up tomorrow lunchtime to feed her as she can't feed herself. She can't lift her arms and she is very doped up. Hubby is distraught about her as he is used to her being active and up putting the kettle on and an endless teapot.
Strugglingmum
19-05-19, 06:54 AM
I haven't shut my eyes all night. Thank goodness for my crochet hook to distract me.
I was awake too during the night. I hope you can relax a bit suring the day (panda)
How did you cope at the hospital? Why haven't you slept at all? Can you rest at all today?
Strugglingmum
19-05-19, 03:26 PM
I've had 4hours sleep. Hubby and my son went to the hospital today for lunchtime. They haven't returned yet so not sure how MIL is.
Strugglingmum
19-05-19, 05:14 PM
https://scontent-lht6-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/fr/cp0/e15/q65/60728798_418632342290932_7377479381767159808_o.jpg ?_nc_cat=111&efg=eyJpIjoibCJ9&_nc_ht=scontent-lht6-1.xx&oh=569195f1bb8a335351daabf14822b754&oe=5D9FA7CA
So I might not have slept last night but I did create this overnight.
Hope the link works, I haven't shared from Facebook before.
Jaquaia
19-05-19, 05:19 PM
That's gorgeous!
Oh wow! *not broody at all* ;)
Strugglingmum
19-05-19, 10:12 PM
Hoping to sleep tonight but if not I might have a new creation to show you:P
How are you this morning?
OldMike
20-05-19, 11:19 AM
That's so beautiful you sure a master or is that a mistress of crochet, hope you manage get some sleep tonight (panda)
Strugglingmum
20-05-19, 07:35 PM
I took a sleeping tablet last night and slept for 7hrs but I had problems getting going this morning! Just about made it into the training centre. The catering tutor/ chef is off sick so I was asked to be in charge of the kitchen. It was good, it kept my mind very distracted from my thoughts. I'm in charge tomorrow again so that again is good for distraction.
Exams are in full swing here so 2 stressed teens. MIL is waiting to be transferred to another hospital to a specialist unit. It means it is even further to visit and also across Belfast city so awful traffic. Looking into bus timetables to make it less stressful.
Other than that, the steam is rising from my crochet hook:)
Jaquaia
20-05-19, 07:36 PM
I may have to talk nicely to you when I find out if I'm getting another niece or a nephew!
Strugglingmum
20-05-19, 07:39 PM
Ooo how exciting for you. I know you love your niece. Xx
If you are in charge do you get paid? Are you insured as being in charge?
Glad you've got your crochet!
Hope you've had a good day lovely!
Strugglingmum
21-05-19, 11:30 PM
Hi all. Just a quick check in. We are all up in the air at the moment waiting for results from scans etc for the MIL. I wish I was stronger and a better support to A. It looks like results could be life-changing and A is frustrated as the plan keeps changing.... long story.
Jaquaia
22-05-19, 12:53 AM
You are strong but wearing your knickers over your trousers doesn't make you superwoman lovely (panda)
Hey lovely, you are strong enough, you are more than good enough. You can do this. I hope the results are workable with and that the plan stays fixed. What are you doing today?
Big hugs, lovely. And as for strength? You couldn’t get through what you have, and are, if you weren’t strong
You are all going through this. So I believe strength is there. These times are not easy. And we all deal with it in different ways. And when people tell me I wish I could do more for........ To me that says a lot and lets me know you are giving it your best (panda)
OldMike
22-05-19, 02:45 PM
(bear) (panda)
Strugglingmum
23-05-19, 07:22 AM
Thank you all.
Strugglingmum
23-05-19, 05:17 PM
Today I went to my craft class. We made soap and i also took my crochet with me to do.
I'm feeling so fatigued this weather all the time. So much so I think I'm going to go to the Dr and get my bloods checked. I normally avoid the Dr but it doesn't feel like its the new meds as I've been on them ages now. It could just be the amount of stress we have had going on but I think I need to get checked out.
I think that’s a very good idea
A note - in my teens I collected soaps ...... living life on the edge ;)
That is never a bad idea. You know your body and if this is something worth checking then please do.
I have soap bars everywhere in my house. Even have one of my favorite scents on my night stand. So it smells nice when I sleep.
Definitely a good plan love.
How are you doing? I hope you are ok (panda)
Morning SM...feeling any better today? Stress can knock the stuffing out of us, but like Mira says, you know your body best. Take it easy if you can today.(bear)
Strugglingmum
26-05-19, 09:34 PM
I am really struggling with my thoughts. I'm ashamed of how horrible I am and how much I'm struggling with A spending so much time at the hospital. I really am a selfish cow and really don't deserve to have such a good man. He really doesn't need me as another weight on his shoulders.
Jaquaia
26-05-19, 09:52 PM
It's ok to struggle. It's ok to have these thoughts when you're ill. It doesn't make you selfish, it makes you ill. A loves you, talk to him lovely (panda)
Stop and breathe!
You are not selfish at all. Marc's Dad is back in hospital again and he's spent more time dealing with his mother (it's a long story) than he has been here this weekend.... and it doesn't look to be ending soon. I do totally understand where you are coming from lovely. It doesn't make you selfish at all.
You’re not horrible, lovely, very far from it. You’re ill. Jaq is right, talk to A
Hey chick, how you doing?
Strugglingmum
27-05-19, 09:26 PM
Today I'm a bit brighter. I went to my training centre. A didn't go to the hospital today as my daughter had a piano lesson and he needed to take her. He seems a bit more relaxed too. We have cooked together and just connected a bit so I'm not having horrible thoughts about him not loving me or me just being a burden. I must be such a needy cow that I need attention from him to feel validated and worthy of oxygen.
On a positive both my little exam sitters only have 2 exams left each. My daughter does both on Wednesday and that is her finished. My son has a break for 2 weeks and then both exams. The stress levels are definitely dropping around here. Now all we need is my MIL to improve. She has developed a chest infection now in hospital. Hopefully antibiotics will kick in quickly.
You really, really aren't a "needy cow" at all! It's hard when you are struggling yourself and the person you need isn't there....
Well done to your little people! Mine all start properly after half term...
Jaquaia
27-05-19, 09:50 PM
If you think you're a needy cow then you should see some of mine and J's conversations!!! Talking is important, as is understanding that how you feel is valid.
How are you today lovely?
Hey, lovely, you are so very far from needy!
Did MIL get a diagnosis?
Strugglingmum
29-05-19, 01:19 PM
Hey, lovely, you are so very far from needy!
Did MIL get a diagnosis?
It's all still really up in the air. She has lost feeling to her left leg and poor sensation on right. She can't really stand well. She is in a ton of pain and has lost the sensation of when she needs to go the the loo so definitely something spinal but she was also very run down on admission so they can't do much til she physically improves. She has had countless mris etc. At the moment she is very poorly with her chest infection.
Poor thing! It must be so hard on all of you.... Are you managing to pace?
Strugglingmum
29-05-19, 10:26 PM
I had a visit from my CPN today. I talked some stuff out with her and it helped. She met A for the first time too so was reassuring him to lift the phone to her anytime. She is lovely but I'm still missing my old CPN a bit. However he has left so I need to buck up and get on with things.
My daughter has finished all her AS level exams. Today was Geography and Chemistry so that is her completed. She has a week of work experience towards the end of June but until then she can relax. Hurrah.
My son has a few more to do yet but has a gap now so he is also taking things a bit easier. Hopefully the stress levels in the house will start to decrease.
Hoorah for end of AS! Has she got her work experience all sorted? What is she going to do?
Glad talking things through with your CPN helped love. It's good that she's got to meet A too. Does he feel happier knowing that he can call if he needs to?
What's on your agenda today?
Morning, hunni. You must be on a completely different calendar to us - we’re on half term and exams start up again next week
How are you this morning?
Strugglingmum
30-05-19, 01:53 PM
So my daughter is really intelligent. GCSEs she got 7 As and 2Bs. However she does not want to follow an academic route, she loves working with her hands.... technology is her favourite subject. She designed and built a full size working beehive from scratch this year for her project. She would love to get an apprenticeship as a carpenter.
She goes to a posh private all girls grammar school (on full scholarship, we couldn't afford it). As you might imagine they are not really on board with her career choices. We fully support her in whatever she wants to do (after all her dad was a carpenter) . So for work experience we couldn't get her with a carpenter but she is going out with a plumberbfor a week as she loves engineering type things as well. She is really looking forward to it.
The school are horrified(rofl) They pride themselves on educating young ladies.
Jaquaia
30-05-19, 02:22 PM
Academics isn't for everyone. (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)( swear) to the school, she needs to find a career she will be happy with. I am an academic, I have a degree in Geography but I've never used it! J has an engineering degree and doesn't use it. Education isn't just academics.
You obviously pride yourself on educating your young lady to be whoever she wants to be :)
I went to an all girls private school (assisted place lol) and I have a degree and I'm currently not using it either..
One of my best friends was the first in our school to do DT A level and go on and do product design and she is now a manager and loving it!
My little brother is a carpenter - it's how my dad started out when he was 15 as an apprentice chippy and he got to be site engineer for many years before he passed away.
It's so important to allow her to choose her own path!
Strugglingmum
30-05-19, 05:12 PM
https://m.facebook.com/groups/912022268881417?view=permalink&id=2281066985310265https://m.facebook.com/groups/912022268881417?view=permalink&id=2281066985310265https://m.facebook.com/groups/912022268881417?view=permalink&id=2281066985310265
If I said I enjoyed my run today I'd be lying. Soaked to the very knickers!!!
However the rain did make sure I ran more of my journey than I normally do. Ran 2.5 miles of my 4 miles today(giggle)
Sorry I tried to fix your picture, but I'm not sure why, but the link doesn't work... Ahha, did you post it in a private group by any chance?
Strugglingmum
30-05-19, 11:19 PM
That's quite possibly it!
Ah well.... I tried(giggle)
Morning! Aren't you a good girl for running? You put me to shame! How are you doing today?
That's quite possibly it!
Ah well.... I tried(giggle)
(rofl) If you've put it just on FB and not in a group then you can share it then...
What's on today's agenda?
Strugglingmum
31-05-19, 03:51 PM
This morning I attended/endured food hygiene training.... snore. But I did then invite someone to go for coffee after...... get me, such a socialite!!! However it is a big thing for me to make the first move so I'm proud.
I'm proud too! Well done love!
That’s huge! Well done :)
OldMike
31-05-19, 09:21 PM
Well done I'm really proud of you.
Strugglingmum
04-06-19, 07:44 PM
We are starting to make plans for MIL discharge from hospital. We need a stairlift installed and a ramp in for her to get home. Hopefully in next week to 10days.
Lots of planning and sorting to get things done (panda)
Strugglingmum
04-06-19, 11:11 PM
Is she having carers in?
I think that is the plan to start with and see how things go. At the moment she will agree to anything to get home
It's great that there are plans to get her home - it'll make it less intensive than having to keep going to the hospital won't it?
How are you doing through all of this?
Strugglingmum
05-06-19, 08:33 PM
How are you doing through all of this?
I'm really flat Mira. I just can't get my mood lifted at all. I'm cancelling a lot of things I had arranged to do. I just want to be home curled up in a blanket. I am still making myself go to the centre and hospital appointments etc but socially I don't want to know. Today I had arranged to meet my sister for lunch as it had been her birthday last week. I took my daughter with me. When I came home I slept for hours. I was exhausted.
It will be easier for my hubby when she gets home so that's good.
Oh hunni... Are you talking to your care team and A about how you are feeling?
Strugglingmum
05-06-19, 10:42 PM
A knows to look at me that I'm flat. He is trying to balance what he needs to sort for his mum and keep an eye on me. I'm getting my hair cut and coloured tomorrow so maybe that will give me a lift.
How you doing today gorgeous?
Are you doing anything else to look after yourself?
Strugglingmum
06-06-19, 03:24 PM
Hi all. My roots are no longer grey and my hair is tidied. (clap)
,my mood isn't great but I have done the things I need to .
Motivation is very low and I'm struggling but I'm keeping going. Getting closer to exams being completed. Son has 2 on Monday and that's us finished!!!yeah!!
(party) - my Jess has 2 more and then she’s done ..
Pfft to the lot of you! I've still got Ben doing 2 more law papers and 1 or 2 media, Hazel to do all her PPE's and Fern to do hers too!
Hooray for no roots though! It always helps me. Maybe the flat feeling will start to lift when A can be at home a bit more with you?
Strugglingmum
09-06-19, 09:54 PM
Stairlift for MIL is going in tomorrow. Hopefully get home on Tuesday if all well.
Son does his last exams tomorrow so hopefully stress is lessening.
Nearly there, hunni, and you’ve been amazing!
You've done so well lovely.
Hooray for last exam and i hope MIL moving back makes things easier for you too..
Strugglingmum
10-06-19, 10:12 PM
Thanks. I feel very flat with it all but I'm keeping plodding on through. Sometimes you just gotta grit your teeth. I am exhausted though.
A just says, listen to your body you need to rest, but my brain isn't switching off very well at the moment. Determined to get through this.
Listen to A, he is saying exactly what I would, so he must be right! :)
OldMike
11-06-19, 10:57 AM
Listen to A, he is saying exactly what I would, so he must be right! :)
I'll second that and we all know Suzi's never wrong she's got a certificate to prove it ;)
Everybody is right but I am sure you would say the same to a friend if they said this to you sm. Take care of your self. Even more when you feel meh. I would say a bit of pampering :)
Strugglingmum
13-06-19, 06:27 PM
I finally bit the bullet today and went to see my GP. I have had a load of blood tests done and have little pots to take some other samples(blush)
He told me off for not coming to see him very often etc etc.
Anyway, it gets A off my back and hopefully some answers as to all my symptoms. Win win
Strugglingmum
15-06-19, 06:27 PM
My eldest turns 21 tomorrow.
As its Fathers Day as well I'm taking everyone out for lunch at our local bar/restaurant.
I can't believe its 21 years since I became a mum. It feels like I've always been a mum but yet it feels like yesterday since I held him in my arms for the first time and felt so overwhelmed with love for this wee scrap of humanity but also terrified that I would be an awful mum and didn't know what I was doing. First time mum terror.
Mind you..... I still feel like I don't know what I'm doing half the time! (giggle)
Nor me!
Happy birthday to your eldest!
One thing I love about Holland is we congratulate everybody when someone has a birthday. So congraulations (yes those are just for you :))
And ofcourse a happy birthday to your son too.
I felt like this too. My son is 21 too.
One thing I love about Holland is we congratulate everybody when someone has a birthday. So congraulations (yes those are just for you :))
And ofcourse a happy birthday to your son too.
I love that tradition!
Strugglingmum
16-06-19, 09:26 PM
That's a beautiful idea Mira. (bear)
We have had a nice day together. I took everyone out for dinner and we had a couple of drinks each too. I very rarely drink so I came home and slept for a couple of hours. It's been nice. Watched an old movie. I really needed a nice family day.
Sounds lovely :). How are you today?
Love lovely family days. How are you today hunni?
Strugglingmum
17-06-19, 02:15 PM
I didn't go to the centre today as I just needed me time. A is off today too so I've been getting some jobs done.... cleaning out undersink cupboards etc. A is away to see his mum now and told me to sit. Lol. I'm trying.
My psychologist phoned me this morning. She is back from sick leave so I'm seeing her tomorrow morning. I'm pleased to see her as I really need to talk out the visit with my father.
In less than 2 weeks we take our youth away to camp. I am camp cook but I also do the organising of the camp. Tonight I'm off to my friend's so we can sort dorms, groups rotas etc. I have my menu done and just need to do all the food ordering. I am feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything but I think tonight will sort a lot and I can breathe!!
Glad you two have spent some time together..
Hooray for your psychologist!
Hope you've get a really easy menu and you can always get others to help! What's on your menu?
When I was a teenager my parents helped run summer Christian youth camps and I remember how joyful and exhausting it was for them. I think you’re incredible for doing this :)
Strugglingmum
18-06-19, 08:51 PM
Today I am really sad.
My friends little granddaughter died yesterday. She hadn't had her 3rd birthday and her whole life has been one of her winning battle after battle.
Evie was a twin. Soon after birth it became apparent that she had a liver condition. She had surgery but eventually needed a liver transplant. She was lucky enough to get a lobe of an adult liver from someone who had died.
The donor had died with cancer and unfortunately Evie developed cancer from her transplanted liver. She began cycles of chemo and actually then got a new liver (another transplant).
Unfortunately the cancer had too strong a hold. Yesterday she went to be with Jesus.
Precious little warrior princess. Rest easy. Your battle is over. We weep for you because you fought so hard and put a smile on all our faces with your giggle. We will miss you.
This is so sad (panda)(panda)
Strugglingmum
18-06-19, 09:00 PM
Sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have shared all that. I don't want to make others sad.
No you should share it. Yes it is sad. But in sharing this you keep her memory alive. And that warms my heart. Please dont stop sharing things because they are sad.
magie06
18-06-19, 09:54 PM
Oh honey. That is so tragic. Poor little angel is out of pain now and doesn't need any more treatment. I will think of her family in my prayers.
I’m so sorry, hunni, it sounds like she blessed the lives of those who loved her (panda)
Oh hunni, I'm so sorry. That's such a tragic story. How are you?
Jaquaia
19-06-19, 08:48 AM
(panda)
Strugglingmum
19-06-19, 09:08 PM
Im feeling sad today. The funeral happened.
Jaquaia
19-06-19, 09:14 PM
(panda)
Hope you're resting lovely
You're allowed to be sad. It's terribly sad. Are you looking after you?
Strugglingmum
20-06-19, 09:55 PM
I went to my art class today. We made pebble pictures on canvasses. I was pleased as I'm not naturally artistic but felt I produced something I was pleased with
I needed to feel productive today to make me feel a bit brighter. I have finished off some crochet projects too.
The big news is A bought me a wee car to give me back a bit of independence. I've so missed having my own car this past year. We also insured it for my 2 teens to learn to drive. Today I gave my son his first lesson. it was good to do something with him that we both enjoyed.
Jaquaia
20-06-19, 10:10 PM
That sounds like a lovely day!
Oh yay! Independence is so fabulous! I'm so glad that you've had a lovely day!
That post put a huge smile on my face :)
Strugglingmum
21-06-19, 06:07 PM
My CPN called to see me today. It was good to talk.
I'm so pleased! You finding it helpful?
Strugglingmum
21-06-19, 11:12 PM
I'm so pleased! You finding it helpful?
I feel like I'm trusting her more each time I meet her. I was able to share with her today that I had gone back to some of my not so helpful coping strategies. I didn't feel able to tell her last time.
Which coping strategies? Are you safe?
OldMike
22-06-19, 09:20 AM
Sorry. Maybe I shouldn't have shared all that. I don't want to make others sad.
I'm so sorry SMum, you did right to share rather than locking it away (bear) (panda)
I feel like I'm trusting her more each time I meet her. I was able to share with her today that I had gone back to some of my not so helpful coping strategies. I didn't feel able to tell her last time.
I’m so relieved you’re opening up to her (bear)
Strugglingmum
23-06-19, 07:41 AM
I've been up since 4:30am
Yesterday was a usual busy Saturday with shopping and housework.
Last night we had a meeting for all the leaders at our camps. This time next week I'll be away to first camp getting ready for the kids arriving.
I don't feel as prepared as usual but so long as I have all we need things will come together. This week will be busy finalising food orders etc and buying last minute stuff.
It's overwhelming but I know I'll be grand once I get there. Definitely a week for lists.
Enjoy Sunday everyone,
You'll get it all sorted and it'll be brilliant. How long is the camp for?
Strugglingmum
23-06-19, 03:44 PM
You'll get it all sorted and it'll be brilliant. How long is the camp for?
Each camp is a week. We do one at start of July for our Juniors (8-12) and then another later in July for our Inters (11-16) .
You’re experienced at this, you know what you’re doing. You’ve got this, gorgeous
You can do this I'm sure! Sounds like fun!
magie06
23-06-19, 07:31 PM
Is this an actual camp with tent, sleeping bags, open fires, sing songs early mornings and late nights?
Strugglingmum
23-06-19, 08:59 PM
Is this an actual camp with tent, sleeping bags, open fires, sing songs early mornings and late nights?
Yes to everything except the tents. We rent a school building and set up dorms in the classrooms. We do sports, crafts, outings, fun games and activities. It is a Christian camp so lots of singing etc. I'm camp cook so it's a real busy week for me but I love it.
Today I sorted the craft stuff out. We are doing glass painting and then a smaller craft at the end of the week if they finish their glass early. Lots of organising this week.
Tomorrow i have a review with my psych consultant. I'm thinking they may suggest changing my meds, either type or dose so I'm a bit worried at doing that just before camp.
You could always tell them that and ask to postpone the change until after the camp?
magie06
24-06-19, 07:29 AM
Your camp sounds wonderful. I used to be really involved with girl guides and after I became a unit leader, I set about getting my qualifications to be able to bring them camping. It's so wonderful to see children and young people, who have everything done at home, become so independent while away from home. It's the most thing I miss since I stepped back from guiding.
Strugglingmum
24-06-19, 07:19 PM
Psych review today.
As I thought they have changed my dose. I'm ok with doing that. I was worried they woud want to change tablet which would mean weaning down of one and starting another. We are going to keep trying the Sertraline at a higher dose.
She also insisted that I took some night sedation for a couple of weeks as my sleep is so bad recently. I did get a nap this afternoon though so that helps although I feel guilty for just yelling at the dog for barking at nothing. I really am tetchy.... evidence I need sleep I guess. The kids just give me 'those looks' and cuddled the dog a bit tighter. Feeling like a real heel. Everyone may give me a wide berth. Pick up my new script tomorrow so hopefully Tuesday night will be sleep night.
We all have days like that, sweetie, and if you’re short on sleep it’s not surprising you’re irritable. Well done for being honest at the psych review
I agree.... I was really "off" with everyone on Saturday night... I ended up having to apologise....
magie06
25-06-19, 07:50 AM
You are awesome. Please don't forget that. You are doing so much right now and dealing with a terrible amount. I think someone saw you and said, this person can cope!!
How are you this morning?
I agree with the rest. You are awesome (bear)
Strugglingmum
25-06-19, 05:35 PM
I slept a bit better last night. Less ratty today .
Thank you all
That's great news... How are you feeling?
Strugglingmum
26-06-19, 10:50 AM
I went to bed before 9pm last night. Took a sleeping tablet. It took a wee bit to get over but I slept through until 8am . I feel a lot more energetic today and able to face the day. Heading out to do some prep and shopping for camp. the Sun is shinning and i feel a bit of lightness today.
Thanks for sharing that. It gave me a smile as well.
Morning!......the chocolate brownie recipe I use is 'Nigella's chocolate Brownies'. They work for me every time. When you stick a skewer to test them for 'done' at the time she suggests for baking, the skewer may come out a bit damp. They're supposed to be like that...gooey on the inside. They're a bit chocolate overload but lovely! Good luck camping!xxx
Strugglingmum
27-06-19, 08:01 AM
Morning!......the chocolate brownie recipe I use is 'Nigella's chocolate Brownies'. They work for me every time. When you stick a skewer to test them for 'done' at the time she suggests for baking, the skewer may come out a bit damp. They're supposed to be like that...gooey on the inside. They're a bit chocolate overload but lovely! Good luck camping!xxx
Thank you!! Gooey is always best for Brownies
Morning lovely, how are you today?
Strugglingmum
27-06-19, 01:23 PM
Another great night's sleep. I feel a lot better with sleep.
I went to My art club this morning. that's the last until September. I can't believe how much my confidence has improved in just being prepared to have a go. I've always been so scared of failure but in a setting where anything goes and every effort is praised I am prepared to just try.
Camp prep is almost there. I just need to sort out clothes, setting up the ironing board outside today. Need my daily dose of Vitamin D.
Thats awesome. And a great inviroment to be trying something like that. I hope when it starts again you will go there. Its great that you have something like that.
And the ironing board outside? Great idea. I will docthat too when I need to iron again.
So proud of you and pleased for you!
Strugglingmum
27-06-19, 07:31 PM
So proud of you and pleased for you!
Its amazing the difference little 'z' tablets can make to your sleep and the difference some solid hours of peaceful sleep can make to your mental health.
it really is amazing how crucial sleep is!
magie06
29-06-19, 10:11 PM
Good luck for your camp. I hope you really enjoy yourself.
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