Not coping so well...

[OldMike]

Like you I wish the rain would stop, on a day like this busying yourself doing your assignment seems a good plan, it is good news about Mia.

[Paula]

Any plans for your child free weekend?

[CaterpillarGirl]

The rain cleared up a bit so I took Mia for a walk, about ten minutes in it started raining again but we decided to just carry on (I kind of like rainy walks because you don't see a lot of other people out and I feel more comfortable letting Mia of her lead) by the time we got home it decided to stop raining completely, typical! I think Mia has a bit of the rainy day blues now as she is just moping around. With my child free weekend the fiance and I are just going to have a quiet one tonight I think and then I'm out for a friend's birthday tomorrow (the fiance is trying to persuade me to go for a couple with him tonight but I'm no good drinking 2 nights in a row and by the time I get back from dropping Lena with my mum I'll probably just want to chill anyway!)

[OldMike]

I don't mind the rain it's when you have wind and rain like today so can't use a brolly. Glad you got your walk in and didn't get too wet.

[Suzi]

Hope you have a lovely weekend hunni!

[OldMike]

Are you doing okay CGirl not seen you around for about a week.

[Suzi]

I was wondering the same thing!

[CaterpillarGirl]

Hey, sorry guys I got really busy and forgot to check in, I've been doing fine but I forgot to take my tablet this morning and I'm feeling really low, just going to go to sleep I think

[Paula]

Oops! I’ve been there ...... hopefully won’t take long for your body to recover once you take the next dose. Have you any plans for this week?

[Suzi]

Hope you're doing OK lovely! Busy in a good way?

[CaterpillarGirl]

Yes busy in a good way �� I haven't really got anything much planned this week at the moment, I'm taking the day off from my placement because I'm not feeling very well so me and Mia are currently chilling on the sofa watching a film, Lena is off sick too but she's still in bed

[Suzi]

Oh no! Hope you aren't feeling too poorly. I suggest a movie day snuggled in duvets!

[OldMike]

A duvet day sounds perfect, get better soon (bear)

[Paula]

(panda)

[CaterpillarGirl]

Today is a bad day, my depression seems to have gone really downhill over the past couple of days, I'm back to sitting around and getting nothing done and I've just eaten a whole chocolate orange and feel disgusting :( Lena confided in my that she has thought about suicide and it was the most absolutely devastating thing and I'm going to get her booked in to see the doctor, I feel awful, I don't know where I went wrong but I can't stand to think of my beautiful amazing little girl feeling anything like the way I do, I just feel like such a huge failure, she's only 11 :/

[Jaquaia]

It could be anything causing her to feel like that so please don't beat yourself up. Growing up seems to be so much harder these days, there is so much pressure on them from all directions. Have you asked her why she's felt that way? The doctor may refer her to CAMHS, if he does, please be aware that there is generally a long waiting list (panda)

[Sissy]

I really don't know how to make you feel any better, but you are a great mom who loves her child. Her feeling that way can be caused by anything from exhaustion to social overload, or from school pressure to growing up. My mom told me all feelings are allowed, and hard ones we deal with together. I had alot going on as a child, but I am grateful to my Mother for making sure my childhood is something I don't have to recover from. You are trying to do the same, and she will remember that. Always.

Sorry I took this long to read all missed posts, I never for got your thread though. Wish I could give you a big hug

[Paula]

Oh sweetie, I’m sorry, that’s such a hard thing to deal with. My youngest was 13 when her school rang to tell me she SH. I was devastated particularly when I found out it was partly due to the fall I had that left me disabled - she’d struggled with the way that changed our lives. It took a long time to figure out that it wasn’t my fault. The best thing I could do to help her was get her any necessary medical support and make sure she knew I loved her and I wasn’t angry she felt this way. You’re not a failure, lovely, and the fact she knew she could talk to you about this is a huge thing.

[OldMike]

A lot of children feel like that because of pressure from social media and at school, it's good she felt she could talk to you about it, is she being bullied at school (she's just started at senior school hasn't she). You didn't do anything wrong at all and you mustn't blame yourself, things like this happen in this modern high pressure society and she turned to you which shows she trusts you as a mum. (bear)

[Suzi]

Oh hunni! (panda) Sweetheart I've been there and we're currently going through a tough patch with our middle one.. Growing up sucks. Might be worth talking to her tutor at school or whoever is in charge of pastoral support and getting her some additional help?
This has nothing to do with you being a "failure" because you aren't!

[CaterpillarGirl]

She told me she felt that way because she didn't feel as if she had any real friends, I don't think she's getting bullied at school just having a hard time fitting in. There's a checking in evening tomorrow to talk to their tutor about how they're fitting in so I'm going to ask her about this program I know they do (my friends daughter went last year) that's all about confidence building and see if they can sign her up for that. We're at the doctors tonight at ten past 4, she's really nervous about going but she knows it's for the best. Thank you all so much for your kind words, deep down I know it's not my fault but I can't stop blaming myself anyway

[Paula]

My Jess did something like that, it did help (not completely) but it did help

[Suzi]

I'm going through similar with our middle one. It's emotionally exhausting. Try to be kind to you too lovely....

[CaterpillarGirl]

The doctors with Lena went well, they've referred her to healthy young minds, it went well at school too, I don't think things are as bad as I thought. Personally I've had a really bad week, I feel completely drained and I've fallen behind with everything, I hate that it takes so much work and effort to start doing well and then it's so easy for it all to fall apart again :(

[Suzi]

You haven't been dealing with small insignificant things though! I know exactly how exhausting it is worrying that your baby isn't doing OK. Don't beat yourself up, you've done amazingly. She's confided in you, you've acknowledged with her that it's important the way that she feels, you've been into school and the doctors with her and made sure that everyone around her knows she's struggling and put things in place to help. Hunni, that's flipping AWESOME!

[CaterpillarGirl]

You're so right Suzi, I've so missed coming on here, you guys always know the right things to say! I'm feeling much better today, actually quite proud of myself :)

[Paula]

I should think so too! Suzi’s absolutely right, you’ve done so much better than you think you have. You’ve been protecting your baby and that’s the most important job you have

[Suzi]

You should be proud of yourself!

[CaterpillarGirl]

Lena got accepted by healthy young minds, just waiting for her appointment to come through. I've still been feeling quite low but I'm seeing my doctor tomorrow so I'll talk to him about it, I'm trying to get back on top of things after last week's blip, I'm getting there but it's slow going. Had a lovely meal out and a few drinks with the fiance on Saturday night and a lazy day in with Lena on Sunday so it was a good weekend :)

[Suzi]

That's really positive.
I'm so glad you're going to talk to your Dr about how you are feeling.

[Paula]

That’s good news about Lena. Sweetie, dealing with your children’s Health takes its toll - I know it and I know I’m not the only member here who knows it. Talking to your doctor is very sensible and please try not to beat yourself up over it (bear)

[CaterpillarGirl]

I'm feeling a bit better today, going to try and get back on top of my house, it's not looking it's best at the moment, doctors first though

[Paula]

Can you let us know how it goes?

[Suzi]

Hope it went well at the drs lovely.

[CaterpillarGirl]

My Dr and I have decided to see how things go for a bit, I'm going back to see him in a month and if I'm still feeling low then we will discuss upping my dose, he did say I can go in and see him sooner but that's pretty much impossible because appointments are booked up about 3 weeks in advance!

[Suzi]

Can you call on the morning to get an appointment if you need to?
Well done for going and being honest with them...

[CaterpillarGirl]

I could try but I've been told by others at my practice that it's really hard to get through and when you finally do all the same day appointments are gone, to be honest I don't think I will need to see him before then anyway I just find it quite amusing that he always says it :)

[Suzi]

Keep it in reserve if you need it.. I'm glad you had a good appointment though x

[Paula]

Good, and it’s sensible to have the next appt booked - but don’t be put off ringing, if you need to, just because you’ve been told it’s difficult to get through .... please?

[OldMike]

Seems to be quite common not being able to easily get an appointment same thing with my docs. As Paula says if you need to see your doc before the month is up ring up and try to get an earlier appointment.

[CaterpillarGirl]

Hi guys, I've been trying to log in on my phone but it just keeps kicking me out again and I've just got round to going on my laptop now so I thought I would pop in and say hi. I've had the letter through for making Lena's appointment with healthy young minds and I'm going to ring up later today to try and get that booked. I've not been too bad in myself, I've had a couple of off days and been really tired but I'm doing alright for the most part, I'm just full of a cold at the moment. I've just taken Mia for a really long walk and now I just want to crawl into bed but I have to go to Morrisons and then work! I hope everybody else is doing well, I'll keep trying to log in on my phone.

[Paula]

(panda) hope your shift is quiet .....

I’m so glad you’re feeling a bit brighter mentally at least, sorry you’re full of cold though. Please try and rest tomorrow ..

[OldMike]

Getting a cold sucks, hopefully you'll soon get over it, the big plus is you're feeling mentally brighter.

[Suzi]

Hi lovely! Hope you get to do some rest too!

[Paula]

How are you doing? Has the cold gone yet?

[Flo]

Hi!(hi)..how are you feeling?...a bit less snotty I hope!

[OldMike]

Hi CGirl how's it going not heard from you in a while hope all is okay (bear)

[CaterpillarGirl]

Hey everybody, I'm so sorry I've been so out of touch lately, I've been working really hard to get all my coursework done and handed in as my course ends on the 31st and I can't afford to extend it! Anyway I've just finished my last assignment and sent it in so *fingers crossed* there won't be too many changes needed. I hope you guys are all doing well, I've not got time right now to have a look around everybody else's threads but I promise I will be back soon, I've really missed you all and the wonderful community feeling here. As for my health, I've finished my CBT now, I signed myself off it because I was doing so well I didn't think I needed it anymore and I've been fine ever since (for the most part, still the odd bad day and some lesser feelings of anxiety) my doctor has put my sertraline up to 150mg and I think I've finally found the right amount for me (again still the odd bad day but so much better than before). I've joined the gym recently and started going a couple of times a week (something I never would have done before because of my anxiety) and I've even started going to their boxercise classes and loving it! I'll try and check back in as soon as I get chance but I still can't seem to stay logged in on my phone and I'm rarely on my laptop unless I'm doing work and then my brain always ends up frazzled!! Anyway I'm off to let Mia out for a wee and then I'm going to get in bed and watch Grimm for a bit, I hope everyone has had a good weekend and again I'm sorry for not being around, I hope I didn't worry anybody (panda)(bear)(panda)(bear)

[OldMike]

I'm glad you're doing okay don't worry about the odd bad day we all have those comes with the territory, it's good to hear from you as you say you've been so busy with your course work. (bear) (panda)

[Paula]

Wow! You’ve achieved so much in such a short space of time! I’m proud of you :)

[Suzi]

When do you get your results from your course?
It's lovely to see you though!

[Paula]

How are you CG?

[OldMike]

Just a quick hi (hi) CGirl (bear)