Depression has made me desperate **SU TRIGGER**

[c_waffle]

I've had so much help to recover, but somehow I still have days where I'm in the exact same place. Especially now. It just makes me want to talk to someone that understands.

I feel like a shell of what I used to be. Sometimes, there's nothing I think about but how to end it. I'm absolutely empty on the best of days, there's nothing that gives me any rush of emotion. Not even sadness anymore. It's beyond that. I'm so lethargic now and I feel like it's came to a point where depression is so ingrained into my everything, there's no getting out. And that's not the whole victim routine, I just don't know how to think anything else but what I'm doing still here.

I don't mean to do this, but it feels like torture to even move anymore. I'm beyond hope. I know I'm just living a façade of normality on most days, there's no 'getting out' of this. I'll always feel some degree of nothingness, even if I convince myself otherwise. I just hate myself, hate these (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)ty feelings and thoughts, I just want to die but I can't even do that.

Please, I just need to know if there's anything out there that's worth it. Does anyone truly recover? Is it worth all this emptiness and constant pain, I just don't think so. Maybe I'm too much of a coward to face getting better

[magie06]

It's very difficult. I won't lie. I'm not sure if anyone truly gets better. If you suffer from depression once, you may never suffer from it again, it may be once off. You may on the other hand suffer from bouts of depression on and off for the rest of your life. You may have periods when you are well and don't think about depression for years and years.
Well done for telling us how you are feeling. Some people find talking helps. Don't be a stranger here. Pop by when you like, there is almost always someone here to reply. Have a look around, jump in where you feel comfortable and welcome to DWD.

[OldMike]

Hi c_waffle, we are all different some people just have a single episode others it keeps recurring but can be kept at a manageable level with medication and/or therapy.

[Suzi]

Hi and welcome to DWD. I've added a **SU TRIGGER** warning to alert other members that you have mentioned suicidal feelings.

I know from my husbands experiences that it definitely isn't something that lasts forever. It hasn't for him with the right therapy and medication. Have you spoken to your GP about how you are feeling?

[Paula]

Hi and welcome. I totally understand how you feel. There have been many times when I’ve been desperate and truly believed there was no help for me. But my psychiatrist once told me, very firmly, that there was always a way through. Sometimes it takes trial and error, sometimes it means combining everything you’ve learnt and everything you need to do to get there. It’s not easy, it takes courage, but you can get through - try to have faith in how strong you really are