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Giu018
28-06-18, 11:32 PM
Hi everyone. I joined this forum few days ago, but it took me a while to start writing my first message to introduce myself. Not sure where to start from. I read some posts around the forum and is giving me the impression of a very warm and friendly place.
Been suffering from depression for several years. Tried many times and different ways to find a way out, but at the end I always find myself same as before or even worse.

I work full time, and been in the same company for too long (almost 10 years). Is a very stressful and challenging job. I am married with 2 beautiful daughters.

Hopefully with time We can get to know each other more.

Thanks for reading this post and looking forward to receiving your reply.

Suzi
29-06-18, 08:01 AM
Hi and welcome to DWD!
Have you seen your Dr and told them how you are feeling?

Paula
29-06-18, 08:04 AM
Hi Giu and welcome! Can I ask if you’re getting any support and treatment?

Giu018
29-06-18, 08:24 AM
Good morning Suzi and Paula. Thanks for your welcome messages.
I do not have any support or trratments from the doctors. I never told my dr I'm depressed. The less ppl knows, the better for me. I'm terrified of the thought of talking openly about my depression.
One of my problem is that i find difficult to talk to ppl, mainly if i don't know them. Even with friends i find it difficult.
I tell you something. Many years ago i tried to have sessions with a psychologist, unfortunately wasn't from the NHS, so i had to pay and each appointment was very expensive. She tried to helpme as much as possible; but after a couple of months I had to leave it because i wasn't making much progress. Even with her i had problems in talking about my issues and it was making it difficult for us both.

OldMike
29-06-18, 08:30 AM
Hi Giu, it can be difficult opening up about depression but it helps if you can, that's my experience, it is certainly worth seeing a doctor as there is medication and therapies available and the doctor provides a gateway to those.

Giu018
29-06-18, 08:55 AM
Hi Mike.
I don't believe I will ever manage to open up to a dr. Im also reluctant to the idea of taking meds. Even paracetamol for my headaches I hardly use them.

Flo
29-06-18, 09:57 AM
Hi Giu and welcome....have you thought of writing everything down? If you find it difficult to open up and physically talk about your depression, why not express your fears and issues in writing? Then hand it to your doctor to read. Regarding medication for depression. It's not the only option, but it may well give you the relief from your depression that you need. There's no shame in being depressed or taking meds. Would your husband come with you to the doctors. You'll get a lot of support here if you want to offload. Don't suffer needlessly.(bear)

Drew
29-06-18, 10:17 AM
Hi Gui, You’ve made a great start by joining DWD and facing your depression. I’ve found the forum a great help and a way of expressing my problems anonymously. There are people out there who will listen and understand without judging you, if you can, let them help.

Giu018
29-06-18, 10:41 AM
Thank you everyone for all your welcoming messages. It makes me feel special and privileged. Is so lovely to meet you all.

Flo, thank you for your suggestion of writing everything down, to be honest, I haven't thought about it as I always believed the doctors would just ignore the letters; as I always believe they are busy with their workload and many patients every day. So I always assume they don't have much time. But I will take it in consideration and start writing something each day, when is a long paragraph that makes sense, I will do something with it.

Flo... I am the husband (giggle)
My wife doesn't really support me from this point of view. I tried to talk to her about it many years ago, but we didn't understand each other. Ending up arguing and being accused of attention seeking or making up excuses; she was also getting annoyed to hear me being repetitive about talking over and over the same issues too often and for prolonged times.

Paula
29-06-18, 11:25 AM
If you make an appointment with your gp and hand your notes into reception to ask if the gp can have it to look at before your appointment, that can help. Also, it might be worth explaining in the note that you’re not keen on medication to ensure the gp knows to talk about all your options.

WRT your wife, take a look at the Time to Change website https://www.time-to-change.org.uk as there’s good tips on how to talk about your mental health with friends and family

Giu018
29-06-18, 12:34 PM
Hi Drew, nice to meet you.
Knowing that you find this forum useful, makes me feel more positive. I already received lots of positive suggestions from many of you since I wrote the first post and hopefully, will continue to give me more positive feelings.

Thanks for your advice, Paula. I will also look at that website. I heard about it in the past but haven't really looked at it in depth.

One of the main issues that is making me feel extremely depressed lately, is about my job. Been working for the same company for almost 10 years. I work as supervisor in a medium size, but busy and challenging supermarket. I do long hours between 8 to 10 hours shifts. I find it extremely stressful. The problems is that I want to change job, can't handle this job any longer. Every shift is becoming worse than the previous day.
Is easy for everyone to say: "Change job" or "Look at the jobcentre; soon or later something suitable for you will come out" or "hold it thight, there is lots of unemployment at the moment". But my issue is: I do not want to do this job anymore. I cry every day just of the thought of going there. In the night i don't sleep well because of it. I am very good at my job to the point that previuosly my manager wanted to promote me as assistant manager. But I no longer want to be in retail. Every person I talk to, asks me: "What would you like to do?"
That's where my depression starts: I do NOT know what I want to do. Those thoughts are spinning in my mind every day, that's all I can think of. I don't know what I want to do.
In the past I changed many jobs in the hope to find something I would be able to manage. Such as: postman, baker, carer in residential home, waiter, cleaner... and few more. But none of them I managed to last long because I didn't like or was too stresful for me and could't handle it.

In the past few years I tried a different way: To get a qualification in the hope of getting something that I would study for, therefore would enjoy more. I done some courses in a college and last year I started my first year at uni. I am studying Social Policy. Is a 3 years course in which the first one is alreasy passed. Is hard, very hard. Specially if I work full time, study full time and have family and children. I received lots of support from my family, friends and tutors.
Deep inside I am feeling I choose the wrong direction. A course where it might not give me any choice I might want. It makes me panicking and at the moment I feel lost and confused because I don't know if to stop and trying something different or continue and see where is going to bring me. Is a big sacrifice, but everyone suggests me to continue. Every day I cry because I don't know what choice to make and what to do.

Hope my message is clear and understandable what I am trying to say.

Soon I am going to work. I will finish tonight. Fridays and weekends are the worst days of the week.

Have a lovely day all of you. Thanks for your messages

Suzi
29-06-18, 01:43 PM
You've been given some great advice, but I wanted to add that actually talking about it all does really help...