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Jeremy
21-05-18, 05:11 PM
Hi. I'm new here today. I'm having an awful day. I feel SO lonely I just can't handle it. I just can't stop crying. I'm not even sure why I'm posting here as it's even an effort to type. My brain is all over the place. I am self employed working from home. My work is piling up over the last few months as I am finding it hard to concentrate. I'm trying to rebuild relationships that I have let slip because of anxiety, fear and lethargy. I'm also trying to start new relationships but don't know if I can cope with the effort and pain in disclosing my emotions. I wear my heart on my sleeve and let it all hang out, so I'm probably scaring people off, but I am who I am.

I'm currently on 150mg Sertraline and have been seeing a counsellor.

Please someone talk to me! I don't think I'm looking for solutions, just need someone to listen

magie06
21-05-18, 05:18 PM
Hi Jeremy, welcome to DWD. You will get a reply here quite quickly, there is normally someone knocking about. Have a look around and find your feet, you will soon see that you are not alone in the feelings you have. Depression of course is different for everyone, but we suffer some common symptoms. You are welcome here, just jump in when you feel comfortable.

Paula
21-05-18, 05:24 PM
Hi Jeremy, and welcome to DWD. Believe me, you won’t lack someone to talk to here, you’re among friends :)

Jaquaia
21-05-18, 05:26 PM
Hi and welcome. I understand the loneliness (panda)

Jeremy
21-05-18, 05:29 PM
Thanks for your encouragement. I'm just so low at the moment. Such a struggle to get out of bed. Trying to be positive at the moment and stay on top of work.

OldMike
21-05-18, 05:32 PM
Hi Jeremy, I can understand your feelings of loneliness, we are good at listening and talking here.

S deleted
21-05-18, 05:48 PM
Hi Jeremy and welcome to DWD. What is it you do for work? Do you always work from home? I totally get how easy it is to isolate yourself socially, I’m guilty of the same thing at times but respect to you for trying to change that and reconnect with people. It’s not easy but so worth doing.

Jeremy
21-05-18, 06:19 PM
Hi Jeremy and welcome to DWD. What is it you do for work? Do you always work from home? I totally get how easy it is to isolate yourself socially, I’m guilty of the same thing at times but respect to you for trying to change that and reconnect with people. It’s not easy but so worth doing.

I work as a cameraman and video editor. I film weddings, business promos, live events, conferences etc. So I spend countless hours at a computer editing. I am making a big effort to get a better balance now. I was joking with someone the other day saying that I'm not going to work 24/7 anymore - I'm just going to do work 14/7 now! (He called me a part-timer !! Lol) I have buried myself in work now for years, partly because of the necessity to earn money, partly to avoid emotional pain. I am hopeless at holding down a regular job due to social anxiety and other issues, so in some ways I am stuck in self-employment. My marriage (finally) broke up over 2 years ago and now I am trying to date again, but it's hard to do.

Paula
21-05-18, 06:35 PM
I’m sorry about your marriage, I know how painful that can be (panda)

S deleted
21-05-18, 06:35 PM
Sounds like a good job to me but as you say it’s finding the right balance. I struggle with anxiety too, as do many others here so plenty of us are aware of the difficulties in this area. Have you ever tried any talking therapy?

Jeremy
21-05-18, 07:12 PM
I’m sorry about your marriage, I know how painful that can be (panda)

Thanks Paula. Yes, I took a huge risk trying dating again - risk for me and the other person. I hope it will work. Medication helps, but I need relationships with human beings to make the world seem worth being part of. I can cope with solitude and my own company, but not all the time.

Tia
21-05-18, 09:23 PM
Hey Jeremy , sorry to hear you are feeling this way. You are most definitely not alone whilst on here. I don't post a lot, most of the time I look at other people posts to see how they are getting on in life. I completely understand the loneliness issue, sometimes it's great to have your own company other times you really need to be with a human being. It's been six years for me and the single life . Sounds like you are doing all the right things by taking medication and counselling.

Jaquaia
21-05-18, 09:49 PM
Have you considered contacting your local Mind and seeing what support they offer? They often do groups

Jeremy
21-05-18, 09:53 PM
Have you considered contacting your local Mind and seeing what support they offer? They often do groups

I'm in Northern Ireland so it would probably be Action Mental Health. I'll give it some thought. Thanks.

Paula
21-05-18, 09:56 PM
I believe they’ve changed name. This is a list of useful links and contact details that we have elsewhere on our site http://www.dealingwithdepression.co.uk/showthread.php?14277-Mental-Health-Helplines-amp-Resources-UK-amp-Ireland

Jeremy
21-05-18, 10:01 PM
I believe they’ve changed name. This is a list of useful links and contact details that we have elsewhere on our site http://www.dealingwithdepression.co.uk/showthread.php?14277-Mental-Health-Helplines-amp-Resources-UK-amp-Ireland

Thanks so much!

Suzi
21-05-18, 10:22 PM
Hi and welcome to the group! It's a really friendly forum with lots of regular members so you'll get to know us all pretty quickly! We have members from all over the world which is great too!

Sissy
22-05-18, 09:06 AM
Hello, and welcome. I am new as well, and already finding this place quite helpful in many ways. First all the links to useful materials and contacts, and seeing how other people deal with their own stuff. But even more than that, I found it really comforting seeing how people here have taken their time to offer a shoulder or an listening ear when someone needs it. I am sorry to hear about your marriage, I really can relate to that. Mine broke 2011, and took me almost 6 years to fix myself to the point where I could even try to start seriously dating again. But once I gave it a try, I found someone who actually really can handle me and my kids. And sadly we can really be an absolute chaos, since all 4 of us have stuff to deal with. But it can happen.

If you feel really down, coming here is a great way to find people who truly understands your situation. No one can know exactly how you feel, but we can relate to that dark place you are in, and no one here will make that mistake to simply tell you to cheer up. I feel like I came home here, and I hope you feel that way as well.

Suzi
22-05-18, 09:22 AM
I feel like I came home here, and I hope you feel that way as well.

That's a lovely thing to say. You have no idea how much that means to me. Thank you x

Sissy
23-05-18, 10:58 AM
I wonder how are you feeling today? I chose to spoil myself with a cinnamonroll roll and a gigantic cup of coffee in the garden. I hope you have a better day today than yesterday. I know I do, and I know everyone deserves to feel better. I hope you have as great day as possible.

Jeremy
23-05-18, 12:19 PM
I wonder how are you feeling today? I chose to spoil myself with a cinnamonroll roll and a gigantic cup of coffee in the garden. I hope you have a better day today than yesterday. I know I do, and I know everyone deserves to feel better. I hope you have as great day as possible.

Thanks for checking in on me. I'm a whole lot better today than I was. Talking helps. I've decided I need to take some practical steps to get out as well, so I've got a few options to consider now. But there is this unexplained deep, deep painful feeling of loneliness that engulfs me at times. I cry and it hurts because I can't breathe. It's not a panic attack, it's just that the depth of crying makes me feel sick. It's part of what wrecked my marriage as it's probably quite disturbing to watch and made it hard to handle. The phrase 'lonely even amongst people I know' applies to me at times.

Jaquaia
23-05-18, 12:25 PM
I know exactly what you mean. And trying to control the crying just makes it worse. Or I find that anyway.

Sissy
23-05-18, 12:29 PM
Oh I think I understand that feeling. I fear crying because it makes me feel I am drowning to that moment, that emotional vortex that sucks away everything I have and even am. It is terrifying. And fighting it makes things simply worse. But as empty as I feel afterwards, it somehow feels purifying as well. Or then I am just relieved I survived that emotional hell, and can finally calm down. It is funny how you know there is nothing bad or weak In crying, yet it feels like whole world would stop and stare. Hang In there. I am so happy to hear you feel better.

Suzi
23-05-18, 01:01 PM
I've some understanding of that too....

What've you got planned for today? Anything to be kind to yourself?

Jeremy
24-05-18, 01:42 PM
Oh I think I understand that feeling. I fear crying because it makes me feel I am drowning to that moment, that emotional vortex that sucks away everything I have and even am. It is terrifying. And fighting it makes things simply worse. But as empty as I feel afterwards, it somehow feels purifying as well. Or then I am just relieved I survived that emotional hell, and can finally calm down. It is funny how you know there is nothing bad or weak In crying, yet it feels like whole world would stop and stare. Hang In there. I am so happy to hear you feel better.

Yes I shut feelings down for literally years because I couldn’t face that drowning feeling. I think you described it as like drowning very well. That’s how it feels - like I am going to drown in my own tears. So when I decided to open my heart again and allow myself to feel it was overwhelming when I started to cry again. But I really don’t see any alternative as I have to take the risks or I’ll never grow and heal. My greatest fear is simply that people I know or get to know will be overwhelmed and put off by my moods and crankiness.

Paula
24-05-18, 01:44 PM
If they are, they’re not worth having in your life, lovely

Jeremy
24-05-18, 01:47 PM
I've some understanding of that too....

What've you got planned for today? Anything to be kind to yourself?

ThatÂ’s an awkward one as IÂ’ve got so behind with work due to multiple physical and mental health issues so IÂ’m having to put in some extra hours to try to catch up. But being self employed IÂ’m allowing myself to listen to the cricket while I work! And IÂ’ll watch something on BBC iPlayer later


If they are, theyÂ’re not worth having in your life, lovely

Yes, I know in my head that you are right but in my heart I fear rejection so much.


I know exactly what you mean. And trying to control the crying just makes it worse. Or I find that anyway.

In some ways I am glad I live on my own as I can cry, shout and scream!

Sissy
24-05-18, 05:11 PM
Whatever makes you push through another day. I forgot to take my morning meds today, and because of that I have been a hot emotional mess gone hell and back. I spilled my coffee and cried for 15 minutes solid. I hate my bad days, but my kids and bf keep supporting. Today they had alot to deal with, luckily it is 7pm here and soon I can go to sleep and stop being a nightmare. People who deserve to be In your life will give you the room your emotional low points take, and will give you their time and support when you need it.

Jeremy
24-05-18, 05:39 PM
Whatever makes you push through another day. I forgot to take my morning meds today, and because of that I have been a hot emotional mess gone hell and back. I spilled my coffee and cried for 15 minutes solid. I hate my bad days, but my kids and bf keep supporting. Today they had alot to deal with, luckily it is 7pm here and soon I can go to sleep and stop being a nightmare. People who deserve to be In your life will give you the room your emotional low points take, and will give you their time and support when you need it.

I have days like that. Sometimes I wish I could just skip a day and wake up tomorrow.

I'm glad you've got supportive family. I've only recently started a new relationship and am so frightened of scaring her away. So far, so good as she didn't freak out when I told her I suffer with depression.

Jaquaia
24-05-18, 05:51 PM
I've been seeing my partner for a little over 8 months now. I have it slightly easier as he also suffers with depression so understands. I often cry with him and all he says is it's important to him that I feel comfortable to show him how I'm feeling and that he would be more upset if I hid it from him amd he wasn't able to comfort me. He always tells me that I'm entitled to feel however I feel and it's ok not to be ok. The right person will do what they can to understand and support you (panda)

Jeremy
24-05-18, 06:12 PM
I've been seeing my partner for a little over 8 months now. I have it slightly easier as he also suffers with depression so understands. I often cry with him and all he says is it's important to him that I feel comfortable to show him how I'm feeling and that he would be more upset if I hid it from him amd he wasn't able to comfort me. He always tells me that I'm entitled to feel however I feel and it's ok not to be ok. The right person will do what they can to understand and support you (panda)

Sounds like you've got a goodun' there!!! The one that I have fallen for is a very busy single parent doing 2 jobs. She is very patient and understanding but time together is very limited and I hate it when my stuff gets in the way. I just hate the way I can't control my moods better and not have them keep tumbling out. I just wear my heart on my sleeve !

Jaquaia
24-05-18, 06:23 PM
I understand that. Our time together is limited too at the moment and I hate that when we can be together, I usually end up in tears. Our strength though is we talk and try and be completely honest with each other. We find it helps.

Suzi
24-05-18, 06:53 PM
My husband has depression and a host of other mental health issues - our strength is talking too....

Sissy
24-05-18, 07:13 PM
Our way to deal with things is a very dark sense of humor. We joke about hard stuff when I am able to handle joking. My oldest son has severe form of aspergers and add. He also suffers social anxiety, so he gets my low points. His jokes can be inapropriate to some, but to me they provide the very needed moments of uncontrollable giggling. For example today he listened to my endless ranting about not finding matching socks, my favourite coffee mug being Lost, and my eyeliner acting up. He also watched me throwing a temper tantrum over wrong kind of cheese, and screaming every curseword I know at mosquitoes. He simply patted my head and said "I didn't know being crazy takes that much effort". So yea. I laughed like a hyperventilating hyena. They can say the weirdest things, and still save my day. Give your relationship abit time, and I am sure you find the ways that carry you guys forward.

Suzi
24-05-18, 08:25 PM
We all have a dark sense of humour too! It's easier when you're taking the p(ss in a friendly way...

Jeremy
01-06-18, 05:21 PM
Hi everyone. It's been a funny old week for me. A couple of downs and a few ups. How's everyone else doing?

Suzi
01-06-18, 05:31 PM
D'you want to talk about it?

Jeremy
01-06-18, 05:58 PM
D'you want to talk about it?

I had one OTT crying fit. So difficult to handle. Going from deliberately emotionless for years as a way of coping, to allowing myself to feel has been tough. I actually find it hard to know what is healthy emotion and what is unhelpful tbh at times. I'm a very expressive person and when I get emotional it scares me sometimes that I'll lose control. My new partner says she hates lies and when she asks how I am I tend to lose it and it opens the floodgates. It's starting to freak her out as her ex suffered with depression and it had a serious effect on her and children. She says my depression concerns her, though she says she's "not going away", which is reassuring. But I'm sick of this getting in the way of a happy life with happy relationships.

Suzi
01-06-18, 10:16 PM
Have you had or are you having any therapy to help with your emotions?

Jeremy
01-06-18, 10:34 PM
Have you had or are you having any therapy to help with your emotions?

Yes, I’ve had a short term session of therapy at my Doctor’s surgery with someone there but I’ve just referred myself to a counselling agency for hopefully longer term therapy.

Suzi
01-06-18, 10:36 PM
Did you find the therapy useful? Did it help?

Paula
01-06-18, 10:36 PM
That sounds like a sensible idea.