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PurpleNewt
06-04-18, 04:48 PM
Hello everyone

I'm hoping this space provides me with a safe place to talk about how low I feel. I hate burdening my best friend with it, and sometimes I feel like I make her feel depressed too.

Anyway - I'm a 31 y/o female.

Many things have happened in the past year and a half to get me to this point. I'm not sure whether to discuss them candidly in the fear of being judged.

Anyway, as it stands now I am on 30mg mirtazapine, weekly counselling since January last year and I'm probably lower than I have ever been. Does it ever get better??

Paula
06-04-18, 04:51 PM
Hi and welcome (hi). There is absolutely no judgement here, just empathy, as we are all affected by depression in some way.

When was the last time you saw your doctor for a medication review? As for does it get better, yes is does but it’s a slow process and it may take time to figure out the type of treatment that suits you best.

PurpleNewt
06-04-18, 05:02 PM
Thank you.

I saw my doctor yesterday in fact, but he already had the repeat prescription ready for me and I was in there all of 20 seconds. I'm too anxious to stand my ground and ask for a proper review.

I went to a psychiatrist but the experience was horrible and I never want to repeat it. In fact, I walked out. The man was the least empathetic person I've had the misfortune to come across.

Jaquaia
06-04-18, 05:43 PM
Hi and welcome. Is there another doctor you could see? The idea of reviewing meds is to actually discuss if they're working for you!

Paula
06-04-18, 06:18 PM
Not all psychiatrists are like that, mine comes to my home on his way from the office ..... maybe a psychiatrist is not the route for you but I hope you’re not put off seeing any mental health professional, if it’s suggested?

Suzi
06-04-18, 09:28 PM
Hi and welcome! Let me agree that we don't judge anyone - I'm not perfect and so I don't feel I'm in any position to judge anyone else.

I also think that your doctor should be doing more than just issuing prescriptions. I had a really crappy experience with a psych, but then I saw a different one and they were amazing and helped me massively... Try not to judge all the professionals by one...

OldMike
07-04-18, 12:48 PM
Hi PurpleNewt (hi)

We don't judge people here, we've all been through it or know or live with people who've been through it and yes it does get better.

magie06
07-04-18, 01:03 PM
I've just gone through a crisis and during that time I saw a psycharist and a member of her team. The psycharist was lovely and spent about an hour one day talking me through what was going on and how we could 'fix' it. The member of the team was horrible. She wasn't interested in why I was sick, just wanted to give me a prescription and get me out of there. If I had seen the psycharist first maybe my crisis wouldn't have lasted as long or been so bad.
I think what I'm trying to say is that just because you have a bad experience with one doctor, it doesn't mean that they are all like that. Stick with it and get another opinion.

EJ
08-04-18, 05:11 PM
Hi Purple newt I’m on mirtazapine too and lithium and have been on this combination a long time. There is room to increase the mirtazapine if the doctor thinks that it might help you ? It can sometimes be a combination of medication and talking therapies that will help you feel better. MIND might be able to help too?
Best wishes.

PurpleNewt
09-04-18, 09:14 AM
Thank you all for taking the time to reply to me. I'm truly grateful.

To be honest I have been put off mental health professionals. I'm keeping on with my counsellor though, she really helps me.

I just feel so emotional all the time and likely to burst into tears at random moments. I think a lot of this stems from my current situation and what I have dealt with over the last year. I find it so hard to get out of bed in the morning. I don't want to die - but I just feel nothing towards life at the moment, and that scares me.

I had a thought at the weekend - some people are just not meant to be happy. And I really feel like one of them.

Paula
09-04-18, 09:54 AM
I think there’s a lot of difference between being happy and being content. I think being content is a state of mind that we can all achieve, it may take time and a lot of effort but it’s doable.

Suzi
09-04-18, 10:21 AM
I don't think that anyone is ever going to be 100% happy all of the time, but I do believe that you can be happy and that you can get through this. It's not easy - not at all, but it can happen.

PurpleNewt
09-04-18, 10:55 AM
I hope so.

I'm in total limbo - I'm just existing at the moment. Wake up, go to work, come home, shower, eat, sleep. Repeat.

Suzi
09-04-18, 01:21 PM
Do you have a good support network around you? What do you do for enjoyment/fun?

PurpleNewt
09-04-18, 01:59 PM
My best friend is fantastic and is my absolute rock. She is more like a sister to me.

My parents I don't feel I can talk to them. I have a bit of a rocky relationship with my mother. I grew up watching her struggle with depression and in some instances, when I was a teenager and she wanted to control what I did, told me I would 'make her ill again'. That has always stuck with me and I just don't bother talking to her.

I have a brother who I love to bits and get on well with but I don't want to talk to him about this.

I am married, but I moved out a year ago because I really wasn't happy in the relationship. He wants me to come home and try again. I suppose this is where all my uncertainty lies. My brain tells me I don't deserve a man like him.

I have another best friend but he, shall we say, hasn't approved of some of the life choices I made in the last year. I can't be bothered to justify my actions or feelings to someone who acts like my friend but at the end of it all, is totally judgmental.

As for fun - I genuinely don't remember the last time I had any fun. I used to love baking and cooking but now I just can't be bothered to do anything. I've recently got back into reading - its an escape from my own life I suppose.

Paula
09-04-18, 02:44 PM
Have you and your partner had counselling, together or separately?

Suzi
09-04-18, 02:51 PM
Your post sounds so sad. I just want to give you a huge hug (bear)(bear)

Do you want to go back to be with your husband?

PurpleNewt
09-04-18, 02:59 PM
I've suggested marriage counselling many times but he always refused. It's how I ended up going on my own.

Thanks - I am sad - I guess everything happens for a reason etc etc but I just struggle at the moment with trying to understand everything. You never think it will happen to you!!

I don't know what I want to do, and I feel so bad about that. He is such a lovely man, but I don't know if I love him the same way any more.

EJ
09-04-18, 06:46 PM
Not wanting to get up in the morning can be a symptom of depression. I still have feelings of not wanting to get up but as don’t get the gnawing dread that goes with depression. I try to make getting up for work as stress free as possible by not listening to the news only listening to music and having something nice to shower with. Also having breakfast and spending time just sitting quietly works for me.

Suzi
09-04-18, 08:58 PM
I agree with Elizabeth - so much of what you are saying sound like symptoms of depression. It's really important to keep doors of communication open right now...