PDA

View Full Version : Hello



Lux
09-03-18, 09:25 PM
Hi there, I’m a relatively new member on here but I’ve been reading for the past week so I thought I’d post and introduce myself.

I’m a guy in my mid 30’s and I’ve dealt with depression off and on for much of my life, even when I was quite small tbh. I’ve always pushed it down or dissmissed it as a self-indulgance. That said, suicidal thoughts and self-harm have also been a part of who I am for almost as long – in terms of the latter I don’t do that kind of thing anymore but I am ashamed of the scars that it’s left behind and I doubt they will ever completely go away.

Unfortunately though you can only push things down and carry on regardless for so long. About 6 months ago cracks began to form and once again it all came flooding back to the fore
. This time I decided to actually seek help and for the last few months I’ve been both seeing a councillor and taking antidepressants. I think they’ve helped a bit but ultimately I feel they’ve changed nothing. I’ve never felt comfortable in the world but I now find myself feeling increasingly disconnected, hopeless, disassociated, and wanting nothing more than to hide away in the dark and disappear. Obviously this has caused problems with relationships and to an extent family – even those that know why can’t really understand or properly empathise unless they have experienced something similar themselves, which most haven’t…

The fact of the matter is that I just don’t really want to speak to anyone anymore, even when at work (which is awkward as I work in the heritage sector with the public) both because I don't want to be unintentionally off with people that don't deserve it and because I really can't be bothered faking hapiness for people that just wouldn't get it if I explained how I really felt. So that being the case I wondered if there were any depression related forums of online communities out there and lo and behold I came across this site with what appears to be a reasonably active and friendly community of users. So here I am.
Hi…



Thanks,
Luke

Suzi
09-03-18, 09:47 PM
Hi and welcome to DWD Luke. I hope you'll feel part of the community here - everyone is really friendly and supportive and there's a good regular crowd ;)

Lux
09-03-18, 09:58 PM
Awesome, thank you very much Suzi :)

S deleted
09-03-18, 09:58 PM
Hi Luke and welcome to the forum.

Lux
09-03-18, 10:09 PM
Hi, thanks Stella.

Paula
09-03-18, 11:46 PM
Hi Luke and welcome :)

QPRFan
10-03-18, 12:26 AM
Hi Luke welcome

TiffanyyO
14-03-18, 04:17 PM
Hey there, and welcome :)

sallyb
16-03-18, 06:41 PM
Hello Luke

I’m a newbie too. Just joined. I also work in he heritage sector and although it’s lovely it is also underpaid and over worked and so much is expected from us. We are somewhere other people go to have a nice day and to get away from their their own problems!

I too push things down and down and then every 6 months have a week of not being able to stop crying and I make loads of plans to make myself better but prob just end up pushing down again. I have always felt little connection or enjoyment in life and if there was a get out button I’d press it!

I am crap at knowing when I’m gonna tip over and wandered if you ever start to see the cracks early on?

Nice to chat
sally

Lux
16-03-18, 08:47 PM
Hello Luke

I’m a newbie too. Just joined. I also work in he heritage sector and although it’s lovely it is also underpaid and over worked and so much is expected from us. We are somewhere other people go to have a nice day and to get away from their their own problems!

I too push things down and down and then every 6 months have a week of not being able to stop crying and I make loads of plans to make myself better but prob just end up pushing down again. I have always felt little connection or enjoyment in life and if there was a get out button I’d press it!

I am crap at knowing when I’m gonna tip over and wandered if you ever start to see the cracks early on?

Nice to chat
sally


Hi Sally
I couldn't agree more! I love where I work but in many ways it also feels like the worst place for me sometimes, as I'm either having to plaster on a smile for the general public or I'm alone with my thoughts when the building is quiet. I think I tend to move in cycles like that as well, it's hard to say really. This week at work has been particularly hard for me as it was the first week back after a couple of weeks off work and each day has just felt harder than the last with today just feeling like a confusing nightmare though you probably wouldn't have known it to look at me. Re the button, funny you should say that, I used almost the exact same expression talking with my councillor this week.

Yeah I'd say I can see the cracks forming, not that there's a damn thing I can do about it...

Thanks for sharing,
L

Suzi
16-03-18, 10:21 PM
Can you cut back your hours? Have you spoken to your manager? Explained to them that you're finding it tough?

Lux
17-03-18, 02:27 PM
Can you cut back your hours? Have you spoken to your manager? Explained to them that you're finding it tough?

Yes, for the first time I did have a good talk with one of my managers about this and he was great tbh, however I don't know how long this will last as they have a history of not being the best in these situations. Unfortunately I don't think I could cut back my hours really, they've already agreed for me to work on the public galleries a bit less and put up with me being signed off work by the Dr for the previous 2 weeks so I think I just need to stick it out for now or admit defeat and get the Dr to sign me off again.

Suzi
17-03-18, 03:05 PM
It's not defeat to be signed off at all. If it's what you need to give yourself chance to heal a bit, then that's what it takes..