View Full Version : Hi Iím new to this

08-03-18, 11:58 AM
It was suggested by my gp that I look at this forum. It is a way of getting my concerns out there he told me.
So my issues started with my divorce 2015 - 2017. I had a lot of problems my wife blamed me for everything and wouldnít talk to me but I moved on. The divorce came through in April 2017 then my ex wife died in the August. I didnít think it would affect me but it did and the house hadnít sold so stress from that as well. So I have to sell a house with a will executor who wonít talk to me due to the divorce and then last week the house which is empty has a water leak. On top of this I bought a house for my new family, getting married in may, for my to be wife and 22 month old daughter. So money is tight. The insurance wonít pay for the damage as the house is empty. I canít pay as I have no spare cash and the other side wonít pay either. What do I do.? Also my job is under threat due to redundancy so I could lose everything.
I feel too relied on. Who do I turn to? No one. I canít handle the pressure. I got worried when I went to the house and kept seeing my dead ex wife to the left of my periferal vision. Whenever I go there I see her. I keeping thinking all I need to do is drive into a truck. If I donít die I might be in hospital long enough so someone else deals with th8ngs. I know itís stupid but I am tempted. Not done it though.
Iíve got 2 weeks off sick at the moment and I need to sort out my life, but how?

08-03-18, 01:13 PM
Hi and welcome. It certainly sounds like you are really under a huge amount of pressure.
Have you told your Dr everything you are telling us?

08-03-18, 01:15 PM
Hi and welcome to DWD

09-03-18, 07:28 AM
Hi. Yes I told my gp everything. I never been that honest about my feelings before.

09-03-18, 08:35 AM
That's brilliant! I know it's really tough to do, but it's really important.

09-03-18, 09:37 AM
Welcome, it is hard to be honest but well done for sharing. I’m sorry you are going through a very rough time. Everyone here is lovely, so you talk away :)

09-03-18, 06:21 PM
I though was getting over th I get then the house with the leak. I got an email from the other owner my ex wife's will exec. It wasn't nice. The comments basically said I caused the divorce so I need to fix the house. They only know one side of the story. No one knows mine. All this set mebackso far. I feel worthless. Like no one cares about me. My fiancee does her best but I can't seem to lift myself out of the hole I'm in.

I feel like walking away from everything and hiding away somewhere where no one knows me.

09-03-18, 07:04 PM
Keep talking and go back to your doctor . If you can get a longer time away take it. Take care of yourself too .

09-03-18, 07:05 PM
Did your dr talk to you about treatment - meds, talking therapies etc?

09-03-18, 07:23 PM
Have you spoken to anyone about it?

11-03-18, 08:49 AM
I've spoken to my go that's all. So I'm on my own. What's sets me off Is, m you g to visit the house tomorrow back on the ceiling etc and I have this feeling of impending doom. I'm trying to not think about it but it's there waiting to envelop me. How do I move On?

11-03-18, 12:27 PM
Did your GP give you any ideas or just a 2 week sick note?

Can you focus on the basics to start with - getting up, showering, eating/drinking enough, taking meds (if appropriate) and maybe trying to get some exercise?

26-03-18, 11:31 AM
I've been feeling a lot better over the last few weeks to the extent that i went back to work. I felt a lot better, then this week-end i had a really bad dream that set me back a long way. Stupid how a dream affects me. Then today "house" stuff started again and i feel like i'm back to square one. i expected set backs but not of this magnitude. Guess its a learning process, so small steps. but i feel aweful today. so i start fighting again. "Put the house stuff in a box and put it on a mental shelf" easier said than done.

26-03-18, 12:47 PM
Glad you were feeling brighter. Do you want to talk about the dream and the house stuff? It might help to get it all out of your head....

26-03-18, 02:31 PM
The dream was stupid, i dont know why it got to me but, i am getting married on 4th May. the dream consisted on me working away from home and i video called my partner and she tried to cancel the call but answered by mistake and i saw here cheating on me. i know and believe she never would, but i just couldnt get it out of my head. I spiralled downards as soon as i woke up.
the house sale. its my ex-family home from the divorce. this morning i got 2 emails saying there were 2 viewings, which is good. then a text saying my ex-wife's freind stayed at the house last week-end. My ex-wife died last august, so she is ithe will executor. for some reason it got to me and i started shaking and got the butterflies in my stomach and felt sick and anxious. i went for a walk at lunchtime taking deep breaths and sat on a bench and gave myself a good telling off. i must have look crazy, but it has worked to a point. i'm better than i was. Small steps. i now realise there is no quick and simple answer. I keep thinking once the house sells all this will be over but i now realise all i will do is replace it with something else. which i mustnt do.

26-03-18, 06:25 PM
Youíve learnt coping mechanisms which you used today. That proves youíre not back at square one as you might not have been able to calm yourself previously. But it gets me too, despite my years of Ďexperienceí when I have a wobble.

As for the dream, have you talked to your partner about it?

26-03-18, 08:28 PM
You're getting married on Star Wars Day? That's cool, seriously cool...
Talk to your partner, sweetheart I bet any of us had horrible dreams pre wedding! Definitely talk to her about it.
Why was she staying in the house? I think that's very odd!

I'm so glad you managed to use your coping strategies! Well done!!

27-03-18, 10:50 AM
Morning! Marrying on Star Wars Day? Amazing! Are you and your fiancee and guests dressing to a Star Wars theme? You've got a lot on your mind, so it's not surprising you're having weird dreams. Everything is jumbled up at the moment. You'll soon be married and settled, so fingers crossed everything else will settle down too.

27-03-18, 11:04 AM
Try not to worry about strange dreams because they bear no relation to reality.

27-03-18, 12:00 PM
re: the wedding on Star Wars day. we are notdressing up, she wouldn't hear of it. but our daughter is called Leia, so it was the obvious choice and we are walking out after the service to the theme from the throne room.
feel better today, but why do we have these wobbles?

27-03-18, 02:31 PM
That's seriously cool!
Wobbles are normal, it's life changing things.

27-03-18, 04:13 PM
That is sooooo cool :)