View Full Version : I can't go there

Dad of boys
01-03-18, 11:44 PM

I have thoughts and places in my mind where I can't go, because I think it triggers the worst of my feelings, but I find it a bit like a sink being drained, I'm being drawn towards the plug hole when I allow my mind to drift.

This can bring on feelings of hopeless, numbness, anger and tearfulness, my coping strategy is to suppress these thoughts, but almost inevitably, I end up being drawn back to the place I don't want to be.

I almost don't mind the tearfulness, it seems like a release if I cry, and at least I am feeling something, but I need to escape from this cycle of thoughts, because every time I think I've almost climbed out of the sink, I pull the plug.

Has anyone got any suggestions on coping strategies?

Sorry for the way I've vomited this out, it's the best way I could think of to try to put it out here.


02-03-18, 09:47 AM
Actually my husbands psychotherapist said that actually you need to go there to be able to acknowledge how bad things can be but that it isn't going to kill you. Sounds simple huh? Let me give you a couple of examples..
My lovely husband had a massive panic attack and almost passed out in Sainsburys causing them to call him an ambulance. Since then even the word Sainsburys or driving it started causing a panic attack.
Just prior to a different panic attack incident my husband had got a take away coffee from one of the coffee places and then within 20 mins he had passed out. So he stopped drinking coffee or anything with sweetners, even smelling coffee shops became too much.
These things sound minor, but actually became debilitating - do you know that it's almost impossible to go out when you can't go near a coffee shop? Anyway his therapist was brilliant setting him tasks - like exposure therapy. So one week he had to just stand outside Sainsburys for 1 minute. Then for 5, then walk through the entrance way etc and with the careful exposure he's now able to go to Sainsburys on his own. Before he did anything they talked it through in therapy sessions and she asked him to explain what the worst thing was - so talking through each symptom - feel sick, want to run, breathing changes, heart races, feel dizzy etc up until passes out. After each symptom she answered "and?" until they get to passing out and she said "So that's the worst that can happen? And it didn't kill you did it?"
The same process for coffee.
It has been a complete game changer for us.

Dad of boys
02-03-18, 09:47 PM
Hello, thanks for replying,

I'm glad to hear that you're husband has had success with the therapy, I have mixed feelings about how well I would get on with therapy, so it's nice to hear something positive.

My problem is that I drag things up from the past and dwell on them, things that I should have let go of, things I have had no control of and bad decisions that I have made in the past.

Each time I draw these issues up, they seem to have gotten bigger and I end up trapped in a circle of negative thoughts.

As well as negatively, numbness, anger and tearfulness, I get resentful and jealous of other peoples happiness, and I find that hard to deal with, I find myself wishing that I could be as happy.

I am giving cbt a shot, along with trying to find a hobby (between working a large number of hours and having a young family, it's not easy to find the time) also meditation


02-03-18, 09:49 PM
Try mindfulness. I love it and it's brilliant for getting your head out of the negative thoughts.

Dad of boys
02-03-18, 10:05 PM
I got the app 3 days ago, have started working my way through it.

Got a week light duties and a week off coming up, am going to try to get back to using sertraline again, I'm on the way back to feeling bad at the moment, so hopefully it'll help.


02-03-18, 10:17 PM
How long have you been off them?

Dad of boys
02-03-18, 10:21 PM
I only had them for a day, 1st time using any medication, made me slightly nauseous and slight problems focusing, driving for a living, I talked to my gp, and came straight off of them.

02-03-18, 10:24 PM
Fair enough, maybe a different one would be better suited to you?

Dad of boys
02-03-18, 10:29 PM
I have friends who say that after a few days to a week, the side effects settle down.

Almost nice having friends with depression, it's opened up our friendship immensely, in 1 case, I had no idea he was depressed, feels good to talk and share experiences.

Dad of boys
02-03-18, 10:31 PM
Reading that, it sounds horrible, I wouldn't wish depress on anyone, I really meant that the empathy is nice, it's good to feel that I'm not alone, depression is a horribly isolating condition.

02-03-18, 10:33 PM
It is and I didn't think that you sounded horrible at all...

02-03-18, 11:02 PM
I have a rare nerve condition called CRPS which started 5 years ago. My best friend also has CRPS but she’s been suffering for the best part of 30 years. She says there’s a small part of her that was relieved she finally had someone to talk to who would understand, though she hated that she felt like that. I don’t blame her, I know she was devastated when I was diagnosed (except that tiny bit of her) but we’re all human and it does help knowing someone understands and empathises.