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Pen
18-02-18, 02:02 PM
Hi
It's been a busy few weeks. My business has grown to a point where I am so busy that I am at the point of having more work than I can deal with. It has meant that I have not been very nice. I am feeling close to rushing off the cliff and crashing again

Paula
18-02-18, 03:10 PM
Sorry you’re struggling, it does often seem that too much work is a trigger. Can you not reduce the amount of classes you’re doing? Surely working that hard isnt worth the impact it has on your MH? Does H know how you’re feeling? Are you using your distraction box?

Btw, I’ve added a potential trigger warning to the thread

Pen
18-02-18, 03:25 PM
I am trying to spread the workload and now pay someone to run all the daytime classes, however I am a victim of my own success. The first two batches of my ceramic highland cows went off this week (40 small and 13 big) one of the gift shop owners picked them up they were delighted and said they were better than the ones they had before. I am a bit concerned about keeping up with orders. On top of that I have given both stores some of my little houses on dishes to see if they maybe interested in them as well. Also this week I made a mould of a cow head wall hanging, the idea being that I can get others to make them and I just finish and glaze them. Hopefully the gift shops will take them or I will have to find another shop in Scotland. On Tuesday I am also taking my driftwood sculptures to a gift shop/gallery in the next (slightly posher) town in the hope he might take them. I am also going to take some photos of my garden sculptures to see if he will take them as well. We talked to him last summer and said he would like to see the stuff with a view to offering them in his gallery.

Pen
18-02-18, 03:28 PM
I saw the mh nurse a few weeks ago as I been so much better on the new meds and wanted to make sure that they did not stop them. She asked if I was taking it a bit easier. I just laughed.

Suzi
18-02-18, 05:00 PM
Pen, I'm glad you're getting someone in to run the classes. I'm thrilled for you that you're so busy, but can you now take it a little slower once you get some stock into those shops?

Arty
18-02-18, 05:26 PM
You are doing so well Pen & really recognising when you need help or to slow down. It’s good that you have a shut down week this week. (nod)

Pen
19-02-18, 09:30 AM
It will be good to be able to clear the shelves of stuff for firing and maybe slip in some of my own projects between everything else I need to do.

Suzi
19-02-18, 11:04 AM
I was hoping you were going to take a couple of days off.....

Pen
19-02-18, 06:04 PM
Maybe. I have today made 3 cows and trimmed some pots. Exhaustion caught up with me later though and I had to have a lie down. Tomorrow I am taking some work to a new gallery to see if they will take ithe. Coffee and cake may be involved as well.

Suzi
19-02-18, 06:22 PM
No one can carry on at that kind of pace without a break.. You need to allow yourself time to settle a bit - how's hubby after his brother's funeral?

Pen
19-02-18, 07:46 PM
Hubby is fine (I think) I have seen less of him than before his brother died. I think he is enjoying his freedom.

Paula
19-02-18, 08:53 PM
I think I remember you saying you were hoping he’d move in with you and the kids have the other house. Is this a possibility?

Suzi
19-02-18, 09:48 PM
That's what I thought too... How come you aren't seeing him much?

Pen
19-02-18, 09:49 PM
No not at the moment. The kids could not afford to run it my son in law has lost his job and my daughter can only manage 10 hours a week for me before her anxiety gets too bad.

Suzi
19-02-18, 09:52 PM
So you're supporting them atm? That's tough on you.

Pen
19-02-18, 09:55 PM
Yes, but hopefully he will get a new job soon. He had an interview last Friday and we are waiting for news. I am paying him to do 3 hours a week work for me to give him a bit of tobacco money. We have also introduced a housework rota which at the moment is working quite well.

Suzi
19-02-18, 10:19 PM
Good! I'm glad that it's going well atm.

Pen
20-02-18, 08:57 AM
H and A have gone off to look after a friends baby for the morning. It's the first time I have ever seen them both dressed before 8 in the morning!.
I have been thinking a lot about my hospital stay reciently and how I should have killed myself then.

Suzi
20-02-18, 11:24 AM
Then surely you know that you are doing too much and you need to rest? Are you under any MH team atm?

Paula
20-02-18, 11:58 AM
Pen, you need rest! Please try ....

Pen
20-02-18, 07:18 PM
No not under any my team. Yes I will try and rest. Went out with two friends at lunch time and took some of my stuff to a local gallery who bought it all off me cash in hand. Then had lunch together before coming home and updating my website and my etsy shop to remove what had been sold, then paid the house insurance and corrected a mistake I made on Facebook. Tonight however I plan to sew and listen to my book.

Suzi
20-02-18, 09:23 PM
Is it worth going back and seeing your GP and telling them what you've told us? Just to keep in touch and keep them in the loop?
Well done for selling so much!

Pen
20-02-18, 10:27 PM
No point in trying to go to the docs. You are right that what I really need to do is get some rest.

Suzi
21-02-18, 10:05 AM
Are you having less negative thoughts?

Pen
21-02-18, 10:35 AM
No, lots of them. But I will cope. The change of routine along with everything catching up with me is the cause. If I go to see the doc or the MH nurse they will just say I need to do less and rest.

Paula
21-02-18, 10:38 AM
So what plans do you have to achieve that? Not just right now but longer term?

Pen
21-02-18, 02:20 PM
I don't think I will ever be able to slow down. Its just not in my nature. However I have a friend taking my day time classes and I hope to be able to get another friend taking the evening ones eventually. I need to start having proper start and end times to work so that I can actually stop work rather than think "I will just do this" and that has to include reading work emails.

Suzi
21-02-18, 05:42 PM
That sounds like a good plan.

Pen
23-02-18, 01:01 AM
Still struggling with self harm or worst thoughts. I know that it is just this catch up week. Changing the routine always makes me bad.

Paula
23-02-18, 09:50 AM
Can you get out and about with Ember? Would that help?

Pen
23-02-18, 10:32 AM
I may take her down the beach for a change this morning. I have a ton of work to do today which should keep my mind occupied. I plan to spend a few hours on the wheel making little trinket pots which hopefully will work at making me feel better.

Suzi
23-02-18, 11:18 AM
Are you sure you shouldn't at least have it on record at your GP's that you are struggling with these thoughts again lovely?

Pen
23-02-18, 09:11 PM
Nah. I'll be fine. They don't want to know unless I have a prolonged bad spell and this will pass. I spent a productive hour on the wheel earlier and threw 15 pieces then H made me rest for the afternoon.

Angie
23-02-18, 10:07 PM
Glad you have had some rest xx

Suzi
23-02-18, 10:38 PM
Glad that you rested - but 1 afternoon in a week is not enough love.

Pen
24-02-18, 12:24 AM
Can you get out and about with Ember? Would that help?


Glad that you rested - but 1 afternoon in a week is not enough love.

No? Oh. H thought it a great achievement that she got me to sit still for 2 hours!

Suzi
24-02-18, 10:38 AM
It is a massive achievement, but hunni you are human, and all humans need some down time too.

Pen
26-02-18, 02:48 PM
Well back to work this week. Spent the morning glazing cows and loading the kiln. Now to spend the afternoon doing probate stuff, washing up and washing

Suzi
26-02-18, 07:23 PM
Probate stuff is horrible, so take lots of breaks and be really kind to yourself.

Pen
26-02-18, 08:13 PM
Its well on track. I have sent of the probate forms tonight.

Suzi
26-02-18, 08:46 PM
Well done.

Hope you're getting some time out to rest a bit this evening too.

Pen
26-02-18, 09:21 PM
Yes finishing off my cross stitch and listening to my audio book

Suzi
26-02-18, 09:36 PM
Good. I'm glad you're switching off...

Paula
26-02-18, 10:01 PM
Can we see pics at some point?

Pen
27-02-18, 09:23 AM
Just finishing off the back stitch, then it will need washing as there is a lot of white on it and I have got it very grubby! But then I will put some pics up.
Back to teaching today. Every class is full, in some cases overfull! Except for the group for the disabled. My friend J is going to take the daytime groups so I can do my own work, so more cow making today!

Paula
27-02-18, 11:01 AM
You’ve built your business up from nothing. That is truly remarkable and I hope you’re proud of what you’ve achieved :)

Suzi
27-02-18, 11:22 AM
I remember you being worried that you wouldn't be able to make a living from your business, look at you now! You've done this. You are amazing!

Pen
28-02-18, 02:13 PM
I think I need to write down my hours maybe it will help me control my work habit.

Paula
28-02-18, 02:59 PM
Good idea

Suzi
28-02-18, 03:11 PM
That includes preparation, admin, planning, going round shops to sell things...I think you'll be horrified at how many hours you are actually working.

Pen
28-02-18, 04:33 PM
Oh I know. I worked out I was getting £4 an hour (rofl)
I was thinking that I should write the hours I WANT to work (think)

Suzi
28-02-18, 05:18 PM
Oops!

Pen
04-03-18, 04:35 PM
Oh dear. Been a day of baby steps. Huge achievement this morning just to get into the shower. Did manage to get the dog out and get my meds and shopping but then had to spend 2 hours in bed to recover enough to make a cup of tea. Hope this goes by morning.

Suzi
04-03-18, 06:27 PM
Sounds like you've done a good job at pacing...

Paula
04-03-18, 07:43 PM
That sounds like more than enough for a Sunday :)

Pen
07-03-18, 12:00 AM
My heads all over the place tonight so I hope you don't mind me chatting on here. Feel free to ignore me though.
I just feel I have so much going on at the moment that it is like juggling balls and spinning plates all at the same time.
I have people wanting class places that technically I don't have and then having others not turning up for classes.
Shipping materials lost in the post that I need to send out orders. Then just got everything together to ship to be told the customer wants a custom piece substituted which won't be ready for over a week. Loaded the kiln and forgot to add the glass element to my new coral trinket bowl. Need to sort out the accounts. Taking Dad out tomorrow then meeting a friend Wednesday before taking hubby to the crem to sort out his brothers ashes. Have a pile of driftwood to be prepared ready to stick ceramics to it, plus need to make said ceramics. Need to get hubby to mix cement for new stand for a garden totem that is going to a gallery.

I just feel overwhelmed by it all

S deleted
07-03-18, 12:04 AM
I’m not surprised! I’m feeling stressed just reading all of that.

Suzi
07-03-18, 08:45 AM
That sounds like a mammoth amount of things to do. Can you break any of it down and delegate?

Pen
12-03-18, 01:19 AM
I have delegated as much as I can. I was having a bad spell, things ate a bit better now. Been trying to stick to set working hours last week but it is hard. Tomorrow will be messed up as I have an appointment with the diabetes nurse at 10. I am trying to keep Mondays as a manufacturing day but I then think of loads of admin type stuff I have to do.

Suzi
12-03-18, 10:16 AM
Glad things are a bit brighter lovely.
Did you ever work out how many hours you work in a week?

Paula
12-03-18, 01:02 PM
I have delegated as much as I can. I was having a bad spell, things ate a bit better now. Been trying to stick to set working hours last week but it is hard. Tomorrow will be messed up as I have an appointment with the diabetes nurse at 10. I am trying to keep Mondays as a manufacturing day but I then think of loads of admin type stuff I have to do.

I’m impressed! I know how hard it is for you to do this so it’s great you’re working on it :)

Pen
12-03-18, 01:57 PM
No but hoping now to keep it under 45. Today I may have to take the afternoon off. The meeting with the diabetes nurse has knocked me sideways

Suzi
12-03-18, 02:26 PM
Why? Are you OK?

Pen
12-03-18, 05:45 PM
Yes, I don't know why the meeting made me feel so ill. I suppose it was I had persuaded myself that as my bloods have been normal for the last 3 years that I did not have diabetes or I had cured it. To be told that now my blood sugar was way over in the long term test and I needed to make changes to my diet and take medication for it was a shock.

Paula
12-03-18, 07:16 PM
(panda)

Suzi
12-03-18, 09:22 PM
Have you been on medication before?

Pen
12-03-18, 09:49 PM
No. Not for diabetes and cholesterol.

Suzi
12-03-18, 09:51 PM
When are you starting the medication?

Pen
12-03-18, 10:18 PM
Tomorrow

Suzi
12-03-18, 11:10 PM
What's meds is it?

Pen
13-03-18, 11:08 AM
Metformin and ezetimibe. The upside is that I no longer need to pay for prescriptions which is good as I think I may not get tax credit exemption this coming tax year

S deleted
13-03-18, 11:27 AM
As diabetic you get medical exemption so pick up a form from your GP or pharmacy

Suzi
13-03-18, 11:58 AM
Metformin is one that I'm on....

Pen
13-03-18, 05:28 PM
Its a pretty common one.

Feeling pretty crap this afternoon, I would like to cancel tonights class but the snow the other week cost me about £400 so its really not an option.

Suzi
13-03-18, 05:36 PM
Sorry that you're feeling crappy. Can you do some self care before your session?

Pen
13-03-18, 06:47 PM
Just getting some dinner. I am hoping a friend will stand in for me tonight

Suzi
13-03-18, 08:40 PM
Did you get someone else to stand in for you?

Paula
13-03-18, 09:52 PM
Big hugs, lovely

Pen
13-03-18, 10:31 PM
Did you get someone else to stand in for you?

Yes. I just feel so bad at the moment, I just could not deal with a crowd of people.

Suzi
13-03-18, 10:32 PM
Glad you got someone else in. Hope you used that time for recharging?

Paula
13-03-18, 10:32 PM
You did the right thing, then

Pen
15-03-18, 05:35 PM
Had a tantrum and threw the frog I was making across the studio earlier then went and had a cry. I have injured my foot and its very painful. I am just feeling useless. I could not make or do anything today. H is upset as well as one of her new baby pet snails has died unexpectedly. Life feels (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear).

Suzi
15-03-18, 06:50 PM
What have you done to your foot?
Sorry about H's snails..

Can you both do something lovely to be kind to yourselves?

Pen
15-03-18, 11:03 PM
Pulled my plantar fasciitis in my left foot. I did injure it some years ago and I remember it took months to heal.
Hanne and I took a class tonight. A is bringing her back a Chinese now. I have just treated myself to a banana. I may really push the boat out in a min and have a milky decaf coffee.

Paula
15-03-18, 11:10 PM
What are you doing to treat your foot? Is it worth talking to the doctor?

Pen
16-03-18, 12:08 AM
From when it happened before I know that the treatment is stretches and rest plus wearing shoes with instep support all the time, never going barefoot or even in slippers. I have a pair of shoes with memory foam soles and they do seem to be helping. Annoying thing is I was keeping them for when I wanted to go out and did not want a pair of shoes covered in clay from the studio or mud from dog walking.

Suzi
16-03-18, 09:24 AM
I get plantar fasciitis too, so I totally feel your pain. Warmth helps when mine flares.
Are you able to rest it today? (Stop laughing)

Pen
16-03-18, 03:24 PM
Yes, I should be able to take it a bit easier

Paula
16-03-18, 03:31 PM
A bit? Still a bits more than not at all (bear)

Suzi
16-03-18, 03:43 PM
What plans do you have for over the weekend?

Pen
16-03-18, 06:03 PM
The person who runs my Saturday groups for me is Ill so I am running 3 classes tomorrow. H &A are going away for the weekend so its just me, 4 cats, 1 dog,1 large fancy goldfish, 3 tanks of tropical fish and 4 giant African land snails....

Suzi
16-03-18, 09:50 PM
Well, you didn't want to be bored did you? Blimey love, make sure you sit and eat and drink between classes etc...

Pen
16-03-18, 10:32 PM
What is worrying me tonight is that H and A are travelling to Ashford in Kent tomorrow and heavy snow is forecast for there. H has told me that I don't need to do anything with the fish and snails which is a relief

Suzi
16-03-18, 10:35 PM
They aren't that far from me then. If they get stuck they can come and join in Fern's sleepover lol....

Pen
16-03-18, 11:37 PM
Hopefully they will make it to the hotel before the worst of it gets them stuck.
Went out for dinner (well McDonalds) with a friend tonight. Getting some junk food and a chance to get things off my chest has really helped

Paula
17-03-18, 09:39 AM
Sometimes, that’s exactly what’s needed. How are you this morning?

Suzi
17-03-18, 11:02 AM
Really pleased you got out and did something positive to help you love.

OldMike
17-03-18, 01:47 PM
Junk food and having a good chat often helps, glad you had a good time.

Pen
17-03-18, 02:25 PM
Sometimes, that’s exactly what’s needed. How are you this morning?

I'm not too bad thanks. My friend has turned up to run the classes but I sat in and made some little houses. I have had 72 baby plants arrive this morning so will have to get them potted up and somewhere warm this afternoon.!

Suzi
17-03-18, 03:04 PM
72 baby plants? What kind of plants? Where are you putting them?

Glad your friend came to run the classes. Have you eaten? Had enough to drink?

Pen
17-03-18, 04:21 PM
Various summer bedding plants although the 6 antirrhinum (I had to look up that spelling) were completely smashed.
I ordered them back in January. They did have to choose another cold spell to ship them.

Suzi
17-03-18, 05:35 PM
I hope you enjoy planting lol

OldMike
17-03-18, 06:13 PM
The person who runs my Saturday groups for me is Ill so I am running 3 classes tomorrow. H &A are going away for the weekend so its just me, 4 cats, 1 dog,1 large fancy goldfish, 3 tanks of tropical fish and 4 giant African land snails....

Four cats I thought you only had two Barney & Percy as I recall, have you adopted two more. The mind boggles (well mine does) as to how big are giant African land snails.

It's a busy weekend for you what with running classes and looking after a menagerie :) try and get some me time between classes.

Pen
17-03-18, 08:39 PM
We still have our old lady Hazel who is now 18 and we have a rescued studio cat called Mr Tiggs

Pen
19-03-18, 06:59 PM
Manufacturing day today. Made 8 mugs in preparation for my latest charity fund raising idea.
H and A are still away but too tired now to make myself dinner

Paula
19-03-18, 07:36 PM
Have you got something you can eat? Apart from tired, how are you feeling?

Pen
19-03-18, 08:25 PM
Hubby fetched McDonald's so I have eaten.
Feeling overwhelmed again. Too many plates spinning.

Suzi
19-03-18, 08:29 PM
When do they get back? What's your schedule like for the rest of the week?

Pen
19-03-18, 11:25 PM
They got home about half an hour ago.
My schedule is the usual chaos.
Tomorrow prepare for the afternoon class that my friend J will take and load the kiln then catch up on admin and accounts till teatime then run the evening class.
Wednesday take dad out in the morning, do some manufacturing in the afternoon load the other kiln and take a class in the evening.
Thursday unload the first kiln then manufacturing in the daytime and take a class in the evening.
Friday load the kiln and unload the other kiln and setup stuff for the classes and do the admin
Saturday load the second kiln and help with the classes that J will take if necessary...
So not much really
Friday setup class

Suzi
20-03-18, 09:28 AM
That's a lot of admin sessions - could you not take one out and put in "rest"?

Pen
20-03-18, 10:24 AM
I may have to. At the moment I feel I am going to burst into tears.

Suzi
20-03-18, 11:07 AM
(bear)(bear)(bear) Can you take a break at all today?

Paula
20-03-18, 11:30 AM
(panda)

Pen
22-03-18, 11:03 PM
Well reducing my sugar has just made me grumpy and tired so I am starting to go back to old habits a bit although I am staying away from cakes

Suzi
23-03-18, 09:03 AM
Oh no! Definitely don't need a grumpy Pen! I started by changing the sugar in my tea from 2 teaspoons to 2 sugar cubes and now I'm down to 1 sugar cube which is less than 1 spoon. I found it easier to do it that way.

Pen
23-03-18, 09:30 AM
Please may I be allowed to die now? I don't want to carry on.

Paula
23-03-18, 09:36 AM
What’s happened, lovely?

Suzi
23-03-18, 09:53 AM
Oh lovely, what's made you feel like that?

OldMike
23-03-18, 10:10 AM
(bear) (panda)

Pen
23-03-18, 05:32 PM
Nothing has happened I woke up like that this morning and the feeling has persisted

Suzi
23-03-18, 05:33 PM
Are you safe? Do you need emergency help?

Pen
23-03-18, 07:06 PM
Dont panic, I'm fine. I am safe and dont need help.

Pen
23-03-18, 08:00 PM
Well not fine maybe, but I am safe. I am battling the feelings which are strong tonight.

Paula
23-03-18, 08:10 PM
Have you got your therapy box out?

Pen
23-03-18, 08:37 PM
Not yet. I am watching a bit of TV. I have just had fish and chips. Now going to do some sewing. I have a feeling the box is a bit depleted at the moment.

Suzi
23-03-18, 10:22 PM
Hope you've managed to distract and fight those thoughts.

Pen
24-03-18, 01:00 AM
lorazapan helped. Plus spending an hour sorting out and organising thee threads for my next cross stitch, although it will be a while till I finish the current one. Feeling really bad that I think I had an appointment for a haircut today and totally forgot it. I thought it was for next Friday but realised tonight that can't be right as its good Friday. I am also stressing about a talk I am giving at the end of April and sorting out a spot in the cream for M and getting the probate paperwork posted off.

Paula
24-03-18, 09:43 AM
Well done for distracting with the cross stitch last night. It’s tough, I know, but it’s good to see you using your coping mechanisms. Don’t worry about the haircut, there are worse things in life than missing a haircut ... wrt the other things you’re worried about, can you just deal with the most important/time critical one first and leave the others til that ones finished?

Suzi
24-03-18, 09:44 AM
Glad you were able to distract a bit lovely.
Easily done about the hair cut, give them a call and apologise.
What's the talk about?

Pen
24-03-18, 11:07 AM
Called the hairdresser and whenever the appoint was for it was not yesterday as she was away! However made a new one now. I will try and get the probate paperwork sent today. I can't do anything about the crem till Tuesday. The talk is 45 minutes about the history of pottery to 90 oaps .

Suzi
24-03-18, 11:22 AM
Well done for sorting the hairdresser!
Glad you've got through the probate paperwork, that's a feat in itself!

Good luck with the talk!

Pen
24-03-18, 04:10 PM
Had a long talk with H after she insisted I told her what was worrying me. There seems so much and it was a case of "and then there's" for about half an hour. It all seems too much at them moment.

Suzi
24-03-18, 05:23 PM
Is it worth writing the list here too? Maybe we can help you prioritise or see the wood for the trees?

Pen
24-03-18, 07:32 PM
Its not just a list of what needs to be done but a worry list of what I should not have done. So first what needs to be done.
Write talk
Post probate
Call crematorium
Clean kitchen
Vacuum house
Finish pots I am making
Make more cows
Get cows onto etsy
Finish totem
Finish driftwood pieces
Call gallery to arrange delivery
Deliver totem and driftwood pieces
Set pricing for pieces for gallery
Do shopping
Go through the accounts and sort them out
Now for worry stuff
Been spending a bit recklessly on clothes and books
Just been fined by the NHS for a mistake I made. Now worried that it is the tip of the iceberg and the fines will run to £1000's
Worried about the talk
Worried that I have done the wrong thing with the clothes I bought as I discovered this morning holes developing in the blouses I bought from there a month ago and these new ones are the same material.
Worrying about how I am going to fix them
Worried about the garden and the amount of work that is going to be needed to get it straight for the summer and the charity garden party we are having in June.
Worried about my health
Will that do for now? Well you did ask!!!!

Pen
24-03-18, 07:33 PM
Oh and worried that bookings are down

Pen
24-03-18, 07:34 PM
And if I will be able to pay the next electricity bill

Pen
24-03-18, 07:34 PM
And be able to pay the tax bill this year.

Paula
24-03-18, 07:39 PM
What happened with the NHS?

Pen
24-03-18, 08:28 PM
I did not realise that my prescription exempt card had run out. I just thought that they had sent another card but I had misslaid it. They sent me a fine for claiming exemption when I was not entitled.

Suzi
24-03-18, 09:04 PM
Can you not delegate any of those?

Pen
24-03-18, 09:27 PM
Nope. They are all my own worries

Suzi
24-03-18, 09:29 PM
Why can't someone else do the shopping or call the crem?

Paula
24-03-18, 10:02 PM
I did not realise that my prescription exempt card had run out. I just thought that they had sent another card but I had misslaid it. They sent me a fine for claiming exemption when I was not entitled.

How long ago did the other one run out? Is the worry about running into £1000s a legitimate worry or are you catatrophysing?

Could H call the gallery re delivery? Would she be able to help you with the accounts?

Pen
24-03-18, 10:09 PM
Apparently it ran out at the end of October.
H has offered to call the crematorium on Tuesday.
She can't call the gallery until I sort out the artwork but even then she would be too anxious to do it. I am hoping that the weather is nice tomorrow and I will cycle up to the pharmacy to get my meds and do some shopping. It will be the first real cycle ride I have done for some years.

Suzi
25-03-18, 08:41 AM
How are you feeling today?

Pen
25-03-18, 09:50 AM
Stressed. However I am looking forward to my bike ride and doing some gardening.

Suzi
25-03-18, 10:00 AM
Hope that the cycle ride and the gardening help to calm your mind lovely x

Pen
25-03-18, 03:46 PM
Loving the sunshine. I am very proud of myself that I cycled the 2 miles to the chemist, had some lunch then cycled back!
Just been spending a few hours in the garden doing some long over due tasks. I feel so much better for the fresh air and exercise.

Paula
25-03-18, 03:49 PM
Good. Is there any way you can timetable fresh air and exercise in every day/couple of days?

Suzi
25-03-18, 04:03 PM
So glad. I find it makes a massive difference to Marc...

Pen
25-03-18, 09:15 PM
I do walk the dog every day, but it would be nice to get out on the bike more however I am a fair weather bike rider plus I do also need to work. Tomorrow my son is taking me out for the afternoon to Weston Pier. Bazaarly although I have lived here for nearly 20 years I have not visited the pier since it was rebuilt in 2010 so he is going to take me to there. Looking forward to being a kid again on the rides and loseing money in the arcade :8)

Suzi
25-03-18, 09:26 PM
Sounds like fun!

Pen
26-03-18, 08:44 PM
It was! Went on the go carts, they have a two level track which was great fun! I'm sure the boys who went before us had a longer go though...

Suzi
26-03-18, 08:50 PM
Pfft! As long as you had fun!

OldMike
27-03-18, 11:06 AM
Many a year since I went on a go kart, hang I don't think I've ever been on a go kart it was dodgems I was thinking of, glad you had a fun time.

Pen
27-03-18, 06:12 PM
I wanted to go on the dogems as well but at 6foot 3inches my son no longer fits and I was not going on my own.(rofl). I had a bit of a struggle fitting in the go cart and wondered if I would ever get out!

Pen
03-04-18, 11:05 PM
Hi guys. How you all doing?
Tuesdays are my Mondays and tonight it feels like a long week. I have been going at 90 miles an hour again and I am looking forward to our shut down week next week.
In the stupid way I work I have come up with a new pottery line, fat shaggy cats and I am getting a bit obsessed with them. Its stupid as I have no idea if I will be able to sell them. I think what has made me feel a bit down today though has been the added strain of looking after Dad. I had to get him to the doctors this morning and then had to go and visit him again later in the afternoon as well as making pottery and running a class.

Suzi
04-04-18, 08:42 AM
What's up with your Dad?

You do need to find a way to pace - even through the busiest of times lovely - you just can't sustain it - mind you, the amount you work I don't think anyone could!

Paula
04-04-18, 09:43 AM
Pen, do you ever stop long enough to figure out whether you’re too busy to enjoy what you do?

OldMike
04-04-18, 10:05 AM
Saw your shaggy cats on Facebook, I like the idea :)

Pen
04-04-18, 10:46 AM
What's up with your Dad?

You do need to find a way to pace - even through the busiest of times lovely - you just can't sustain it - mind you, the amount you work I don't think anyone could!

Dad has pulled a muscle in his neck and I need to go and massage him with volterol. The pain was so bad on Monday he thought he was going to be sick and I had to make an emergency appointment at our gp. Took me an hour of trying before I got through on the phone. I have got better at pacing but things like this throw me.

Pen
04-04-18, 10:47 AM
Pen, do you ever stop long enough to figure out whether you’re too busy to enjoy what you do?

Sometimes and yes I do love what I do (mostly)

Pen
04-04-18, 10:48 AM
Saw your shaggy cats on Facebook, I like the idea :)

I did one with a fish tail hanging out of its mouth last night which is going to be called "no, I haven't seen the goldfish"

Suzi
04-04-18, 04:34 PM
Oh your poor dad! That's really sore!
Glad you are loving what you do. That's so important.

Pen
04-04-18, 05:43 PM
No !ore fat cats for a bit. An order for 35 cows just came in!

Suzi
04-04-18, 08:42 PM
35? Wow! That's a huge order!

Pen
04-04-18, 09:30 PM
I have them stock but it will clear me out and I am expecting another order from the other gift shop soon as well.

Suzi
04-04-18, 09:44 PM
They seem to be a best seller!

Pen
04-04-18, 09:45 PM
And there it is. Just had a message from the other shop wanting 15 cows and 10 of my croft trinket dishes.

Suzi
04-04-18, 09:45 PM
WOW! That's awesome!

Pen
04-04-18, 09:47 PM
Next week is week without classes so some serious manufacturing is required.

Paula
05-04-18, 09:10 AM
How are you doing this morning?

magie06
05-04-18, 09:14 AM
I hope you have some resting built into next week.

Suzi
05-04-18, 09:39 AM
Can H help with the creations?

Pen
05-04-18, 09:45 AM
How are you doing this morning?

Feeling a bit overwhelmed

Pen
05-04-18, 09:45 AM
Can H help with the creations?

No but I have been training A to do them.

Suzi
05-04-18, 01:14 PM
Glad you've been training someone to help - sounds like you're going to need all hands on deck to get the orders sorted!

Pen
05-04-18, 05:25 PM
Kids group this afternoon ... 8 kids from 4 to 11! Just a bit knackered now!
9 adults tonight and H has food poisoning again so can't help.:s
I will have to get my own supper but it will either be beans on toast or cheesy chips from the chippy. As too tired for anything else.
During May I was going to make mugs for our charity but think it maybe too much now.
I have 2 kilns to unload now before the evening class.

Pen
07-04-18, 07:44 PM
Scary... I have booked a holiday!

magie06
07-04-18, 09:50 PM
Ooh where are we going?

Pen
07-04-18, 10:18 PM
Illfracombe. Get a flight to bristol and it will take us about an two and half hours to get there... Only problem is there is only one bed!!!

Suzi
07-04-18, 10:19 PM
I was sure I'd replied to this! Sorry lovely!

What is H eating which keeps giving her food poisoning? How did the class go? Where and when are you going away?

Just seen your reply! Ilfracombe is lovely! Who is going?

Pen
07-04-18, 10:29 PM
She was helping a friend move house so she probably got it from something whilst she was out. She is sensitive to meat products so she probably ate something contaminated.
Classes have gone fine. Glad they are over for a few days.
Going first week of June. Just me and Ember. I have asked hubby but he will not commit to coming. Its a lodge on a small park with woods to walk in and close to Exmoor. Its not actually in illfracombe but a village just to the north on a hill with views across the valley to the sea.

Suzi
07-04-18, 10:37 PM
That sounds heavenly!

Paula
07-04-18, 10:47 PM
That does sound lovely :)

magie06
07-04-18, 11:04 PM
That sounds lovely. I'll pray for good weather!

Pen
09-04-18, 09:05 PM
Busy day today A and I made 20 cows and one sheep. Tomorrow I need to throw some trinket bowls, only problem is I can't remember how much clay I used on each one last time. As you get older the biggest lie you tell yourself is I'll remember that, I don't need to write it down.

Feeling crap tonight. I don't know if I am just tired but all the things I have to do is getting to me tonight.

Paula
09-04-18, 09:26 PM
I’m sorry you’re feeling low tonight. Are you planning on getting an early night?

Pen
09-04-18, 10:09 PM
Yes. Just about to go up.

Suzi
10-04-18, 01:32 PM
How are you today lovely?

Pen
10-04-18, 01:45 PM
Crap (yawn)

Suzi
10-04-18, 02:06 PM
Is there anything we can do?

Paula
10-04-18, 02:30 PM
(panda)

Pen
10-04-18, 02:40 PM
Just be there. I am going to try and rest this afternoon. I just feel disassociated, like everything is just a dream. I am so tired, but feel guilty as there is so much to do.

Suzi
10-04-18, 05:26 PM
There's little point in working yourself to the point of dropping lovely. Please take some time out to properly rest and then you'll be more able to actually do the work...

Pen
10-04-18, 06:17 PM
True. I spent an hour and a half curled up in bed as I just could not get warm (never a good sign of my mental health), but then did a bit of shopping so the dog could eat tonight and spent an hour in Costa doing some planning work with a couple of coconut flat whites for company!

Paula
10-04-18, 08:36 PM
That’s a start, hunni. What’s on the agenda for tomorrow? Have you built in some resting time?

Suzi
10-04-18, 09:12 PM
Definitely some rest needs building in..

Pen
10-04-18, 10:12 PM
I have the PAT testing man coming at 9.30 tomorrow morning so its an early start as I have not got stuff organised for his visit yet.
Hopefully I will have found some more energy as I need to throw a number of dishes for my stock.

Pen
11-04-18, 08:29 AM
Up at 6.30 this morning (usually get up at 8.30) as I was worried about the PAT testing and getting everything in place for him.

Paula
11-04-18, 09:55 AM
What time are they due?

Pen
11-04-18, 10:27 AM
He arrived just after 9.30. It's going to be an expensive bill this time. I had 10 more items for testing this year. Unfortunately it has to be done.

Suzi
11-04-18, 04:25 PM
All done? All OK? How are you doing?

Pen
11-04-18, 05:35 PM
Yes all done. After that I unloaded the kiln, threw 11 bowls, glazed a mountain of kids work, rearranged the drying shelves and started on the accounts. All done for the day.
I desperately want to spend money, it makes me feel better, it's something to do with my bpd apparently but I am trying not to. I want to buy a drawing/craft table off amazon. I have always wanted one and have figured out where I could put it, but I don't NEED it just WANT it.

Paula
11-04-18, 06:30 PM
If you do t need it but do want it, could you put some money aside for a few months? That way you won’t feel you’re depriving yourself of it, and you’ll actually end up getting something as a bit of a luxury for you

Suzi
11-04-18, 09:06 PM
I agree with Paula - I know one of our relatives has similar impulses to make them feel better, but all it does is give another stick to beat themselves with after..

Pen
11-04-18, 10:25 PM
I am just a bit anxious and stressed out. I don't have the money to spend really. The car is due it's MOT tomorrow and I am sure it will fail so that will be a big bill. I have to find the money to pay my income tax. And as I have just had a huge electricity bill a couple of weeks ago my account is looking a bit poorer than it should...

Suzi
11-04-18, 10:30 PM
Then definitely don't buy it... Wait...

Pen
12-04-18, 12:17 PM
Feeling very anxious and suicidal at the moment. It is all to do with the impending MOT I know but just can't focus. Just taken Dad out for a coffee and catch up.

Suzi
12-04-18, 01:13 PM
Why are you feeling suicidal because of your MOT? Have you spoken to anyone? Is your care box ready to use?

Pen
12-04-18, 04:40 PM
Why are you feeling suicidal because of your MOT? Have you spoken to anyone? Is your care box ready to use?

Yes stupid isnt it.

OldMike
12-04-18, 05:17 PM
Yes stupid isnt it.

Not really, people with mental health issues can easily magnify things out of all proportion we've all been there and got the tee shirt.

Suzi
12-04-18, 05:18 PM
Not stupid at all, but hunni can you find your way out of feeling like this?

Pen
12-04-18, 07:05 PM
H has gone through some of what is worrying me and we have planned tomorrow's work.

Suzi
12-04-18, 09:35 PM
I'm glad that you have spoken to H about it all lovely x

Pen
12-04-18, 09:50 PM
She sat with me for a while and tried to get me to eat but not really hungry.
The MOT was actually fine with just a small thing to be put right but I am feeling swamped by everything but H and A will help tomorrow.

Suzi
13-04-18, 11:14 AM
Glad the MOT was ok. Hope you get some help today.. But hunni you have to eat...

Pen
13-04-18, 11:35 AM
I did have banana.
Got got an attack of the shakes this morning so had two handfuls of sultanas a slice of toast and just cooking some hard boiled eggs.
No sign of any helpers yet.

Suzi
13-04-18, 12:50 PM
I'm glad you're eating..

Aren't you paying them to work with you?

Pen
13-04-18, 01:39 PM
Only the hours they work. H has turned up but apparently A is too tired after helping friends for the last few days.

Suzi
13-04-18, 07:57 PM
Then I hope you aren't paying him! Too tired sounds like a really crappy excuse lovely. Especially when you're struggling so much.

Pen
13-04-18, 09:58 PM
I know but then he has done more hours this week than normal (unlike H)
I have been in the office working on the accounts all evening with the assistance of Mr Tiggs who is delighted to have the company and has been trying to lie on the keyboard.
However now going to go and do the washing up...

Suzi
13-04-18, 10:20 PM
Erm, if you are working, doing the accounts, and everything else whilst also feeling suicidal, could H or A not do the washing up?

Pen
13-04-18, 10:32 PM
It was my turn. To be fair there was not much to do as H and A had forgotten to put out their crockery in the kitchen to be washed.

Suzi
14-04-18, 09:23 AM
I understand that, but hunni you can't do it all - if he's too tired to work, then maybe he could do the washing up instead? See what I mean? Are you resting today?

Pen
14-04-18, 01:08 PM
Not exactly resting...
So far
Walked dog
Washed the bases of the Potters wheels and the floor round them
Washed the studio windows
Washed all the containers with throwing tools and the shelves they are on.
Washed most of the middle section of the table
Washed the floor under the tables
Cleared out the rubbish from the corners
Washed the aprons and another load of towels
Sorted through a load of old pottery
I am not on my own though H is sorting and washing as well.
This afternoon I have the rest of the tables to wash, clean the toilet, vacuum and wash the rest of the floor, wash a load of throwing battle and find homes for all the stuff we have moved. I hope to be finished by 9 tonight.

OldMike
14-04-18, 01:17 PM
I'm breathless just reading what you've done so far, Pen just add put feet up while savouring a cup of tea/coffee to the top of your to do list ;)

Suzi
14-04-18, 02:56 PM
Sweetheart why cram all this into one day when you know that doing too much causes you issues with your mental health?

Pen
14-04-18, 03:06 PM
Because I have to.

Suzi
14-04-18, 05:19 PM
All in one day?

Pen
14-04-18, 06:43 PM
Well h made me sit down and sculpt for a while. Made 2 foxes, a badger and a hedgehog lol

Suzi
14-04-18, 07:12 PM
Glad you sat.....

Pen
15-04-18, 01:21 PM
Right sort of resting today. Been up to Boots to get my meds, into Morrisons to get some human food, down to pets at home for some animal food and then into Costa for lunch. This afternoon I am going to try and get the flipping talk finished, there is only a couple of weeks left. so now to prepare a section on toilets (rofl)

Suzi
15-04-18, 02:25 PM
Oh yes, resting indeed lol....

Pen
15-04-18, 07:52 PM
Well it took 6 hours but I am finally happy that I have a talk I can give to the oaps at the end of the month, with just a few last minute tweeks.

Paula
15-04-18, 08:00 PM
Well done. So, time to put your feet up?w

Suzi
15-04-18, 09:22 PM
So, rest now?

Pen
15-04-18, 09:53 PM
Been doing a bit of sewing. Feeling a bit rocky tonight.

Pen
16-04-18, 07:15 AM
Morning.
I am such a mountain useless person. I am scared to pull my finger out and call the local gift shop who have agreed to take my work. I am a useless housekeeper with the carpets and surfaces thick with dust. I am a useless administrator with piles of people's work waiting to be collected it only I got round to contacting them and receipts scattered when they should be in the box. And finally I should not be wasting your time here when there are so many people on here that need your time and I am so useless at being involved with helping others.

magie06
16-04-18, 08:04 AM
Who says? I could say the same things about myself but I've stopped and I'm now trying to look on all the good things that I am able to do. So what if you have a bit of dust? You run a very successful business, so you should be proud of yourself for that. You have 2 helpers so you should start to use their talents and abilities to help you in your business. What have they studied in college? If they've done maths to GCSE level then they should be able to help with the ordering and even taking money from clients and even with the accounts. I know its your business but use the help you have around you. If you keep going like you are you will only collapse. Please ask for more help.

Suzi
16-04-18, 08:54 AM
I completely agree with Magie. You are very far from useless in every way.... Oh and you aren't "wasting" our time. We care about you..

S deleted
16-04-18, 09:02 AM
Hey I’m not having that. You’re not useless it’s the people around you constantly letting you down who are useless. You have a hubby who seems to forget that you exist most of the time except when he needs you to wipe his backside for him. H & A are grown up enough to get married but act like teenagers using your home as a hotel. If the people around you started pulling their weight instead of leeching off you maybe your life would be more manageable. You aren’t the problem, they are and it’s time to get tough and tell them to start pulling their weight.

Pen
16-04-18, 02:38 PM
Dont know how to respond to that.

Suzi
16-04-18, 04:04 PM
Are you getting any more help?

Pen
16-04-18, 09:13 PM
Hey did throughly wash the studio floor today. I went to friends for dinner but when I came home it was my turn to wash up and then I went and cleaned the bathroom. I could not vacuum though ad H was asleep

H has been in a really bad mood for the last few days and been drinking a lot. I told A I was going out cause I could not bear to be around her. When I got home he said she was feeling unappreciated. I nearly said join the bloody club!

Suzi
16-04-18, 10:19 PM
So what is A spending his time doing? Why are you washing up if you didn't eat at home?
Sweetheart you seem to be doing a lot of the general housekeeping as well as running the studio, teaching, making your own pieces, updating social media, etc etc etc This isn't a fair division of labour!

Pen
16-04-18, 11:01 PM
The person who has kitchen duty clears up regardless of if they made the mess. That way we don't get into fights about who made what mess.
I am not on kitchen duty again till Friday.
A spends his time sitting in their sitting room playing games or applying for jobs. Sometimes he goes over to his friends to help them with their new home. On a Wednesday he does 3 hours of work for me. H does 10 hours. I also have E who does 2 hours, J who does 4 of the classes and M who helps with classes as well.
A like most men can go totally blind to things that need doing. H left a pile of their stuff on the stairs but for the last 2 days he has carefully climbed over it. Tonight I have left it against their bedroom door but I wouldn't be surprised to see it still there in the morning.

I decided today that I would buy that drawing table. I felt I had earned it.

Suzi
17-04-18, 08:40 AM
It still feels really unfair that you are the chief income earner, provide a roof, deal with everything that owning a business entails and still have to do the washing up and clean the bathroom!
Can you sit everyone down and just say that currently you're struggling with your own mental health and trying to do too much and maybe they could help a bit too...

Pen
17-04-18, 09:44 AM
The trouble is that they would just throw back at me that they have mental health problems as well and I don't appreciate that they do a lot of stuff.

Paula
17-04-18, 10:29 AM
Do they pay rent?