View Full Version : Running off a cliff *potential SU trigger*
What classes have you got and when?
Tuesday 1till 3 7 till 9
Wednesday 7 till 9
Thursday 7 till 9
Friday 4.15 to 5.15
Saturday 11 till 1 and 3 till 5
To start with, you’ve not put anything on that list that’s gentler on you, or gives you some space to think. Then you separate the list into, things you must do, things which shouldn’t be put off and things you can leave for a few days. So can you do that first?
What about adding in what things others are doing to help too...
That list is the things I must do that should not be put off this week. With possible exception of the newsletter.
There is a second list of things that can be out off that include
Change my bed
Vacuum my floor
Sort out the stuff at the back of the studio
Clean my bedroom.
Etc.
H can help with the clear glazing and the biscuit firing. But the rest is down to me.
In the time for me section is the daily walk with Ember.
There are not enough hours in the day till Friday night to do anything else.
Oh I forgot the kids session on Thursday 2 till 4
Although I feel guilty for spending the money I am looking forward to getting that fridge magnet set so I can try out building a routine that may work.
I think you need to find a way to cut back on at least some of the things you do....
Ok, so that list is the ‘should do’ list. Perhaps you need to cut that back to the ‘absolutely have to do’ list. Eg, as well as the newsletter, do you have to update the website? If it needs doing, can you not delegate?
I have no one I can delegate that kind of stuff to. Everything on that list has to be done.
Today I did get a load of cows glazed, a couple more made, loaded and fired the kiln and cleaned the bathroom, landing and my bedroom floor. I did find a bit of time to sit and see as well.
Got myself in the doldrums a bit tonight when I started to consider what a terrible mother I have been.
Why can you not delegate to H and A? How much do they do to help?
Why do you think you’re a terrible mother? Tbh everything you’re doing for H now is above and beyond what I’d be willing to do for my kids at that stage in their lives .....
What made you start thinking about whether you've been a terrible mother or not?
I agree with Paula - why can't you delegate some of the stuff? TBH you're paying her and A and what are they doing to earn that money?
There are other jobs I get them to do.
I just think my illness has affected them badly. My son never calls me. He did not even thank me for his birthday present and I have driven my daughter to drink.
My pacing kit has arrived. I think i am going to have to get more magnets as I can't get everything I want to do in a day on the set.
You haven't "driven" H to drink - that was her own choices to make.
Your son, well that's just rude tbh.
TBH your illness will have affected them, the same as mine and Marc's have affected our kids, but that's no excuse for rudeness or not helping or to drink excessively...
The fact you need more magnets should say something to you?
Apparently the reason my son did not phone me was I had forgotten to add anything to the gift card to say who it was from!! (rofl)
Anyway hopefully we will all get together on Sunday.
I am getting on ok with the magnets although I am still not very good at adding rest periods!
I am feeling the effects of the long term that has stretched since the middle of June. The week after next is our shut down week when we have no classes and can catch up on firings and cleaning.
Are you finding the magnets helpful?
Mainly although not doing well with them today.
Its a learning process and doesn’t come naturally. You’ll get there
It's not going to be an instant fix all overnight....
Even the fact you are using them and acknowledging that you need to learn to pace is amazing. Oh and I've just seen your Christmas designs on FB - WOW!
CaterpillarGirl
18-08-18, 01:17 PM
What are the magnets? Not that I need to learn to pace, my problem is not doing enough rather than doing to much! Whatever they are I hope they are helping you even if it does take some getting used to :)
What are the magnets? Not that I need to learn to pace, my problem is not doing enough rather than doing to much! Whatever they are I hope they are helping you even if it does take some getting used to :)
They are from a company called stickman communications. Basically you have a set of fridge magnets with times in them and magnets you can write on with things you have to do which are colour coded into categories of how hard each task is for you. You then assign the tasks through the day making sure you schedule easy tasks in between more taxing ones. You can then look at the list and make sure you have a spread of tasks with time to recover after difficult ones.
I am terrible as I try to build Rome in a day but if you have the opposite problem it may help you to plan to get stuff done without getting overwhelmed.
CaterpillarGirl
18-08-18, 02:55 PM
They actually look really good, I've just ordered myself some! I hope they work because I have so much to do and I keep letting everything get on top of me, thanks for the recommendation :)
Even the fact you are using them and acknowledging that you need to learn to pace is amazing. Oh and I've just seen your Christmas designs on FB - WOW!
Thank you Suzi. I made two more this afternoon.
I could not get off to sleep last night so looking forward to a rest tonight.
Stickman Communications is awesome. Her cards are brilliant as are the traffic light wristbands ;)
I'm so glad you're finding the magnets helpful, even though it's a work in progress - I think everyone struggles with pacing. I know I do!
Hope you got some decent quality sleep Pen love...
I did sleep well thanks. Very tired today though. After I got back from walking the dog and getting my meds I was quite shaky so having an afternoon of sewing and TV before I go out tonight with the kids.
Where are you going? Somewhere nice I hope?...
We went to our favourite Japanese restaurant. It was devine. Totally stuffed now.
Morning, love, how are you?
What's on today's agenda?
What's on today's agenda?
I'm tired but there is a lot to do. So far I have loaded the kiln and turned three of H's failed pots into Christmas decorations. This afternoon I will be cosseting myself in the office to catch up on admin. Then when I have done that I need to do cow making.
I'm loving the Christmas decorations lovely!
Any rest being built in?
I had a nap for an hour after lunch then pushed on with glazing and making cows. I think i am finally at a point where I can stop making and just get them fired and glazed. I have just sat down to dinner then I just need to clear up and lock up and I am done.
CaterpillarGirl
20-08-18, 07:19 PM
I had a look on your Facebook today and I absolutely love your little animals, you're so talented :)
I had a nap for an hour after lunch then pushed on with glazing and making cows. I think i am finally at a point where I can stop making and just get them fired and glazed. I have just sat down to dinner then I just need to clear up and lock up and I am done.
That’s an improvement in pacing ;)
I had a look on your Facebook today and I absolutely love your little animals, you're so talented :)
Thank you. How are you getting on?
That's a MASSIVE improvement in working at pacing and actually stopping!!! You're amazing!
CaterpillarGirl
20-08-18, 09:05 PM
Thank you. How are you getting on?
Not great today, glad the day is over and hoping for a better one tomorrow, you?
Not great today, glad the day is over and hoping for a better one tomorrow, you?
Not bad. Feeling overwhelmed by everything. I have a big order to get completed and as August (the last month of the holiday season) is speeding past I am getting anxious about getting it finished.
I'm sure it'll get done lovely..
I know but I am battling thoughts of my inadequacy tonight.
CaterpillarGirl
21-08-18, 09:22 AM
Not bad. Feeling overwhelmed by everything. I have a big order to get completed and as August (the last month of the holiday season) is speeding past I am getting anxious about getting it finished.
I kind of know the feeling, I don't have loads to do just one assignment to finish but they alone is enough to overwhelm me, then I panic and the panic causes me to be unable to do the work!
Struggling on. Had to have a nap again this afternoon. Had a bit of a saga with my GP today. I tried to get an appointment for a physical issue and was told that the first appointment I could have was the 25th September... Now at the moment the issue is not too bad but I am pretty sure that left for nearly 5 weeks it will get worst. So in disgust I wrote a negative review of the surgery on the NHS website... Surprise surprise I now have an appointment on Thursday....
Well done you! Whatever way that works ;)
Well done lovely! Hope whatever it is isn't too bad.
Not sure if it's bad or not. It's a case of wait and see if things improve in the next two weeks.
Have you got a new appointment for two weeks time?
No. It's a case of if it's still a problem in 2 weeks call us.
Have you taken whatever appointment they will give you? At least you're moving towards it....
I'll see how it goes.
Ready for the shut down week next week. I am struggling today. Very tired but trying to get the website sorted for the new term.
Hoorah for shut down week! Are you planning on getting any rest in too? i know you're still always really busy...
Maybe a bit.
This evening our old lady cat, Hazel passed away. Lots of Kleenex required. She was H's special baby.
Jaquaia
25-08-18, 08:00 PM
So sorry for your loss Pen (panda)
I'm so sorry Pen... Massive hugs to you all x
I’m so sorry, sweetie (bear)
CaterpillarGirl
26-08-18, 11:47 AM
So sorry for your loss, sending hugs your way x
Thank you everyone. H and A have just left for a few days holiday. It was booked ages ago so I insisted they went. I am home alone for a few days. Well if you don't count three cats, a dog and about 50 giant African land snails as company that is.
I am drained.
I need to go shopping as I have no supplies but can't face leaving the house.
My son J called and suggested I do online shopping but that does not solve the problem of tonight's dinner although to be honest not sure I will want to eat anyway. My head is full of cotton wool.
Do you have a local co op or something you could grab a couple of bits from?
Yes, that's an idea I could get almost everything on my list from there and not have to trudge round a big supermarket. I will still need to go to boots though to get my tablets buto it should be a shorter trip.
50 G A Landsnails? AWESOME! One of our old mods had one she used to feed guiness as a treat! :)
She only has about 9 adults but snails do what snails do. ....
OOps! :)
Hope you're resting this evening..
Yes I am. Been resting most of the day
Yes I am. Been resting most of the day
Good to hear! What’s plans for today?
My plans have been altered after hubby turned up this morning and took Ember and I on a four mile hike. I am all out of spoons now.
I do need to load the kiln, change my bed, vacuum and I was going to go to car phone warehouse and upgrade my phone but I guess that can wait. Recharging with a cup of tea and malt loaf at the moment.
I can't believe that you've said you were resting yesterday and that things can wait today! Woohoo!!! You're awesome! You're PACING! I'm so proud of you!
Lol. No I don't think I am awesome just listening to my body. Going to go and change my bed now. To me this is a challenging task. I hate changing my bed and leave it for much longer than I should. I have only changed it once since I came back from my holiday at the start of June.
Listening to your body - that’s a massive step with pacing!
Changed the bed, brushed the cat, put the bedsheets on to wash and vacuumed my bedroom and the landing. Emptied the cats try an vacuumed round it. Oh and ordered my new phone online. Problem is now I am too tired to put the vacuum away and wash the floor where the tray sat. ..
I'm so impressed that you are listening to your body love, that really is hugely impressive..
Did some stuff this morning then actually sat and watched a film all through!
Are those magnets helping you pace?
Blimey that's unheard of! Well done love!
Are those magnets helping you pace?
Not sure really. Not used them for a couple of days but I am a bit more aware of saving myself a bit.
However just been working overtime to get the cows finished. 18 went in the kiln tonight.
They do seem to have helped you change your focus a bit on saving yourself as you say, rather than using every single second pushing yourself till breaking point....
Your cows are selling brilliantly!
They do seem to have helped you change your focus a bit on saving yourself as you say, rather than using every single second pushing yourself till breaking point....
Your cows are selling brilliantly!
Yes. I am aware this morning that I am very tired again.
I have to get 45 cows out this week but then I suspect it will be the last orders this year for Scotland. However a local shop is meeting me a week Sunday to discuss selling them in town so I don't think I am finished with them yet.
They are your biggest seller aren't they?
Yes. I have sold over 250 this year and now the Christmas season will soon be upon us.
Yes. If you had told me in January I would make that many this summer I would never have believed you.
Very down tonight. I am just so tired. I slept for an hour this afternoon.
Have you been pushing yourself? Eating and drinking properly?
Can you distract at all tonight?
Any chance you can rest tomorrow? Are you sleeping ok?
Have you been pushing yourself? Eating and drinking properly?
Can you distract at all tonight?
No don't think I have been pushing myself. Packed and shipped 15 cows, took Dad out this morning and glazed a couple of cockrels apart from that not done much. Yes I have been eating and drinking.
Tomorrow I have a haircut booked and am taking a friend to the solicitors
You're always so kind taking others where they need to go...
When you say you didn't "do much" apart from the things you listed I think you've discounted how much doing each of those things take up spoons/energy!
Just back. Went out to the studio to start sorting out the mess that has gathered in the corners. H has sent me away saying I need to rest and I am getting under her feet!
My demons are back. Telling me that I am useless, that the world would be better without me.
You’re not useless, you’re extremely talented and a successful business woman. Your daughter loves you very much
You're really very definitely not useless at all....
I know that but it does not stop the voices that say I should clean more, tidy up keep a better house that my life is a disgrace, that i am fat slob, I am too weird to be in society, I am stupid to think I can run a business and so on
Then, as you know, you need to drown those out with positives. And yes, I know it's not "that easy" but you know this and you know how to get through it.... Call the crisis team or samaritans if you need to, but get through this safely...
Hubby has been over and helped me wash up then have me a cuddle. I have spent the evening doing suduko puzzles and I am calmer now.
How are you feeling this morning?
I'm so glad that you felt calmer after doing some sudoku lovely... How are you doing today?
I am feeling overwhelmed by everything this morning. At the moment I am in the office sorting out the website and customer details with the help of a very contented Mr Tiggs, who loves sitting beside the computer on the desk whilst I work. Every now and then he lays a paw on my arm to remind me I have to stoke him. (For anyone reading this and wondering who would want to sit on my desk, Mr Tiggs is a cat)
OldMike
01-09-18, 12:19 PM
The fact that Mr Tiggs has paws and likes sitting on desks spells out cat to me :) you're lucky he isn't dancing on your keyboard (giggle)
CaterpillarGirl
01-09-18, 01:15 PM
I hope you have a good day today, you are incredibly talented :)
Maybe take things in smaller bits? So don't try to do all the accounts, just do the stuff for last week? Maybe that might help make it easier?
I don't think of myself as talented. Everyone has a talent, some people bake amazing melt in the mouth cakes (mine are more likely to kill someone) some people have the talent for making others smile, some for being able to cope with an illness like depression and still be able to cook meals for their family. I don't consider that I am any better than other people as we all have our specialities, life would be pretty boring if we all did the same things well.
Maybe take things in smaller bits? So don't try to do all the accounts, just do the stuff for last week? Maybe that might help make it easier?
I am trying to make sure we are ready for the new term next week. H has the studio upside down as we clean and sort, I have been working A like a slave this afternoon to sort out clay and stuff.
Even though you are trying to get stuff sorted, pacing is even more important. When does the new term start?
Then it doesn't all need to be done today.....
True. H and I had MacDonald's on the beach tonight as her and A had a row. I plan to try and do some glazing of the huge pile of pottery that is in the workshop tomorrow but we are all going out for lunch tomorrow with my Dad as well.
Just pace a bit too. Hope H and A make it up..
I will try and work it all out on the fridge door in the morning
That's such a huge leap forward in pacing! :)
Hope H and A are ok. How are you doing this morning?
It's 20 past midnight and I can't sleep. Feeling overwhelmed by everything that still needs to be done before Tuesday. Worried about money again. Struggling to recruit the extra people I need for the upcoming term.
Can you prioritise the worries? Today you need to get ready for tomorrow so that takes priority today. The money worry can be put to one side for one day, and so can the recruitment. Just focus on what needs to be dealt with today
Recruit as in students or staff?
Students. I need more to start this week.
Facebook and email marketing there is just not enough time to do a more complex campaign
You can always add in a message in school newsletters or something?
How are you today lovely?
The local shops/supermarkets maybe? Is this something H or A could do?
I need older adults they are more reliant
You can always add in a message in school newsletters or something?
How are you today lovely?
Pretty crap tonight. H has brought Hazels ashes home in a little casket. She is in bits. A has a streaming cold and starts his new job at 6 tomorrow morning. To say that my house is not a great place at the moment is an understatement
The local shops/supermarkets maybe? Is this something H or A could do?
There are lots of places I am sure I could advertise BUT the classes start this week so there is no time. I have picked up a few new customers.
Oh sweetheart I'm sorry about Hazels ashes - but at least she's home..
(panda)(panda)
What a week
A has just gone off for his first night shift
H has got orders for about 10 mugs
All the fees are in for the term but I am still worried about money
I had a fall in the garden today which has shaken me up
I have had two extra 2 hour private classes
I need to make 17 cows, 10 sheep plus Christmas decorations this week.
Did you hurt yourself? Are you ok?
Oh hunni, I'm sorry you fell..
Hope A's shift went well! I'm not surprised about H's cups - they're awesome!
Are you building in resting too?
I won't be commenting on here today I may things that will upset people.
I don't want to say
It woulg upset people on here
Your thread has all the warnings, it's your choice... Have you called the crisis team?
No not called the crisis team. Took a number of tablets today hoping to lose consciousness.
magie06
10-09-18, 06:33 PM
How many is a number? Can you call a doctor or go to A & E? We can't hold your hand, we're going the wrong side of the screen, but you have people there. Tell them what you've done and ask them for help.
Pen, please get to a&e. Sweetheart, get help, please
See.bi knew I would upset people
Jaquaia
10-09-18, 07:32 PM
It's not a case of upsetting people. People care about you and are worried about you. They just want to know that you're safe.
You need to get help. Call 999 and get some help. Does Han know?
Hanne knows, so does Hubby. I did not take a great deal and I am conscious and coherent.
Good. Have you used your crisis box?
Have you spoken to the crisis team?
Hey, just checking in before I go off to bed. How are you doing? (panda)
Rough. Just writing a brain dump of everything that's worring me so I can then allocate tasks and dates to deal with them so I don't feel so overwhelmed. However I can't take another overdose I have run out of pills.
What did you take yesterday? Have you called the crisis team? Your Dr?
I took a mixture of lorazepam and codeine, washed down with some alcohol.
There is no need to call anyone. I don't need their help.
Sweetheart you obviously do if you are taking overdoses.
You really, really do ...... (panda)
OldMike
11-09-18, 10:51 AM
Pen you do need help if you're taking a mixture of meds washed down with alcohol. Can you not phone the Samaritans if you feel the urge to overdose or talk to your daughter Hanne and what about hubby?
I really really don't. I can give you quite a few good reasons why not.
Why do you believe you don't need help when you are feeling this bad?
1. I have EID. This is just "what I do" as far as they are concerned.
2. The doctors at my surgery do not handle on going MH cases. I would need to try and get to See the MH nurse and she probably won't be able to see me for about a week.
3. The last time I did see a doctor they threw up their hands and said "well what do you want me to do?" And the truth is there is nothing they can do.
4. If they try to refer me to the CMHT the team will just say that I have EID and i can call them if I want.
5. No one at the surgery will do anything until i have been suicidal for 2 weeks
No matter what your diagnosis you are entitled to care and help when you hit crisis point.
Call the CMHT
But you obviously do need to if you are taking overdoses....
Sweetheart, you’re obviously struggling. If not the crisis team, will you please call Samaritans?
Yes I will call the Samaritans if I need to.
I emailed the Samaritans last night. I feel a bit better today but trying to take it easy, however taking Dad out in a bit then going over to a friend to help her with her budgeting
Glad you called them when you needed to... Glad you are feeling even a little brighter.
Well done for contacting them (bear)
It's been a tough day. Started with a call from carelink to say that my Dad had pressed his alarm but they could get no response from him. Rushed down to his place to find him on the floor where apparently he had been for 2 hours. he had put his alarm on the hook on the bathroom door and so when he fell it was out of reach. Not quite sure giw ge eventually got to it. Hubby came down and between us we got him up. He is fine but i am taking him to the doctors tomorrow. After I had taken him to Costa for breakfast he was a lot better. Then I went to arty to try and reassure her that her finances were fine by doing a budget with her. Then back home for an hour before running the evening class. H has a stinking cold and I am coming down with it. My throat has felt like sandpaper all afternoon.
(panda) how’s your dad today? How are you doing?
Taking Dad to the doctors later to get him checked over. I am a little wobbly today. Yesterday was a bit much. However today is full on as well. As well as taking him I have to get 3 cows off to Scotland, do the banking, take a private class, make some pottery and teach a class tonight.
Can any of it wait - like making the pottery as you can't change the lessons?
Hope your Dad is OK lovely. It's such a worry when they are ill.
Dad is fine. His bp is really low so she has taken him off all his blood pressure meds. Go back in three weeks.
I am having a bit of a rest before the private lesson at 1.30. Dad wanted me to change his duvet cover after we came out the docs..."just a 5 minute job" but I knew for me it would cost me far too many spoons on an otherwise packed day.
Well done for knowing you needed rest more than doing a duvet! Glad he's OK.
Arrrggg. Even hubby can't resist saying "you know, you need to make..(insert pottery item here)"
There is not enough hours in the day! He thinks I should make donkeys... But so often people say that phrase to me. There is only one of me and apart from trying to run a pottery everyone seems to want a bit of me at the moment.
CaterpillarGirl
14-09-18, 09:08 AM
You just do what you're comfortable with doing, don't let anyone dictate how you should live your life, it's all yours and you're doing brilliant :)
^^^wss in spades!
What's wss mean?
You need apprentices!
And pay them how lol
wss = what she said
Pay them in studio time or something?
Or interns then you don't pay them anything!
So tried today.
Feel I spend my life affirming to others how awesome they are. Today H is fretting that the mugs she is making are not good enough.
My son J came down yesterday and told us that he is breaking up with his long term girlfriend who he lived with. I feel guilty that I am pleased. She was lovely and he was devoted to her but in a way I feel I have my sons heart back. That's awful isn't it. I want him to be an independent man but at the same time he is still my baby boy.
Also she had really bad pet allergies and so whenever they came to visit after 5 minutes in our house her eyes were red raw. We always felt so oo bad!
I've seen some of your Christmas decorations and they're beautiful! As are H's mugs!
OldMike
17-09-18, 10:17 PM
H's mugs are brilliant I'd drink my tea or coffee out of them any day or just display them on a mantle shelf.
When I was in my fifties mum always regarded me as a her baby boy because that's what mums do :)
Cows, cows and more cows. Have 3 orders totalling 100 cows to be ready in stages. First 30 going in kiln tomorrow and hopefully ready to ship next Monday, next 10 need to be ready by end of October then another 60 ready for end of January... Then I need another 20 ready by mid October for me to sell myself through my website for the Christmas rush. Managed 2 out the 10 I wanted to make today before period pains got me....
Did you ever think they'd be such a massive hit with everyone? I think they're amazing! Do what you need to do to take care of your pains today..
A Nurofen took care of the pains thankfully. Managed 8 cows today and one sheep.
No I would never have dreamed my cows would be so sort after.
H reminded me earlier that 4 years ago I was convinced that this would come to nothing and was talking about getting a proper job.
H is absolutely right. Starting up a small business is difficult and most don’t make it. You, on the other hand, have too much work!
Along with everything else I am working on an unpaid commission for my son.
What's the commission?
H is completely right! You were so worried - I remember it! However you're now so busy you've got too much work and there are 3 of you!
My son has given me a piece of driftwood with his company's logo on it and asked if I can incorporate or into a piece of ceramic art. He then intends to show it to their marketing manager to see if it can be featured on their social media sites.
OldMike
25-09-18, 07:37 PM
That's an interesting idea, I'm sure you'll come up with something amazing.
Been getting stressed again. There is just so much to do and so little time. Been writing to the Samaritans most nights. Last night I was starting to feel suicidal again. It's a battle to fight my brain when it starts to tell me I'm useless and pathetic.
What i really need to do today is spend most of it away from pottery (i have a class at 4 this afternoon) and chill out, however I have 25 cows to glaze and get into the kiln today.
I am also getting frustrated with the kids again. Since A stated his new job he had abandoned doing his share of the housework and I have done the majority of the washing up and bathroom cleaning this week. At the same time H has lost interest in making and selling her own pottery again. I find it frustrating that she starts a new project but gives up before she gives it a proper chance to come to fruition. We now have a handful of mugs kicking around gathering dust that she made to sell but have not been put into any site for sale.
Being the mother of adult children who are still living at home is an impossible situation. They are adults and have their own lives now but you can see every single misstep they make - and you can’t do anything about it. My tongue is red raw from biting it ..... However, is it possible she’s scared to try to sell them in case no ones interested which will ‘prove’ she’s useless?
As for A, you’re probably going to have to lay down the rules again. They’re so lucky you’ve let them live with you and it wouldn’t hurt to remind hem of that occasionally
I completely agree with Paula... Have you considered going back to the Drs as this patch seems to be prolonging a bit?
Thankfully I did not have to lay down the law. I came in from this afternoons class to find the two of them cleaning the house (rofl).
I think what is really affecting me is my diet. I rely on H to prepare my meals during the week but this week we have eaten junk food and takeaways all week.
I am so tired tonight I accidentally fed Mr tiggs dog food. I did realise in time and was able to change it back.
Oops!
I'm sure he wouldn't have minded!
Glad that they've been cleaning the house! What's A's new job?
Mr tiggs is such a big cat I am sure he would have just tucked in, it was a sample of a really good fish based one so he would not have come to any harm.
A has got a job working nights at the Argos distribution centre. He has been there about 3 weeks now and seems to be getting on ok they have just moved him from packing cages to loading lorries so they seem to be pleased with him. Of course out means he sleeps most of the day and leaves for work at 9 at night so he sort of forgets about normal stuff like cleaning the toilet. I think H may have had words with him. He is starting to find the nights tough on his days off. His clock is off so he can't get to sleep till 4 in the morning and kicking around the house all night whilst we sleep is quite lonely.
Night shifts aren't my idea of fun either...
How's your mood now? Any brighter?
OldMike
29-09-18, 04:56 PM
I've worked nights during the week and when it comes weekend you don't know when to go to bed everything seems messed up.
Night shifts aren't my idea of fun either...
How's your mood now? Any brighter?
I don't know really. I am still quite low but then I am very tired. Tomorrow I have a bit of shopping to do. I have no food in and I need to get my meds, after that I am going to meet a lady who is selling off her pottery stuff to see if she has anything I may want. So another busy day.
Try to at least pace today, lovely
Thanks Paula. I also need to prepare 10 kilos of clay for two private classes tomorrow. I am close to tears with exhaustion now, no idea how I will get through today. Thankfully Max is going to come with me to the ex potter so i feel less anxious about that.
Once I have done the shopping I will have an early lunch at my favourite quiet Costa and create a mood tracker in my bullet journal. I am going to draw a wood and number each tree from 1 to 31 then assign a colour to each of my moods, then each day through October i will colour in a tree with the colour of that days mood. At the end of the month all the trees will be coloured in and I will have an illustration of my moods. I used to use moodscope a lot for this but I think a pictorial indication will work better for me.
That sounds a brilliant idea!
OldMike
30-09-18, 11:22 AM
Sounds a marvelous idea Pen.
Went to see the ex potter. Wow what a collection! She must have about £10,000 of stuff there. Over 200 molds, worth between £20 and £100 and boxes of glazes. Max and I spent over £400 and only scratched the surface. It was a real pick me up. When I came home I was buzzing. H said she had not seen me so happy for days. H and I will be going back there on Wednesday afternoon to start sorting through it all. I am hoping that H will stop me spending a fortune.
My EID has really been triggered today. One of my students made a big puffin at home. I fired it at the weekend and it exploded as she had not taken care to hollow it out properly and put in a vent for air to escape. It damaged 3 other pieces of work. In one case the lady had been working on her salt pig for three weeks. However the lady who made the puffin is not accepting that she did anything wrong. I am getting quite upset by it all.
How badly damaged are the other items? Do you regularly fire things for her if she makes them at home?
Very badly, scrap in fact. Yes we do. If people buy clay from me I include a firing charge to cover the costs.
Oh no! Have you told her?
Yes and it's all resolved now.
It's been a bit of a milestone day today. I went to a women's business networking event this morning, by myself....
It's something that a year ago would have been impossible my anxiety would not have allowed it. It was a bit scary walking up to the group in the pub but they were very supportive and i got a good contract from a cafe owner who is looking for local artists who would like to sell work in the cafe.
That's AWESOME! Well done you!
It has taken a lot out of me though. Today I am struggling to get motivated to go out and do some work. I am finding out harder and harder to get to sleep at night and as a consequence i am waking up later and later which is leaving me tried in the mornings. Plus my mind is going at 110 miles an hour with all the things i need to do and the "i should be..." thoughts are getting out of control.
Yes and it's all resolved now.
It's been a bit of a milestone day today. I went to a women's business networking event this morning, by myself....
It's something that a year ago would have been impossible my anxiety would not have allowed it. It was a bit scary walking up to the group in the pub but they were very supportive and i got a good contract from a cafe owner who is looking for local artists who would like to sell work in the cafe.
That’s incredible! Well done :)
Struggling tonight with dark thoughts.
Can you use a helpline if you need it?
(panda) are you on your own? Can hubby stay with you?
Hubby has gone. I am going to get a cup of hot chocolate, biscuits and my meds and go to bed. Possibly with a third lorazapam
How do you feel this morning?
Really bad this morning. Wish I could go to sleep and never wake up.
What do you have on the rest of the weekend? Can you rest? Will you see hubby?
Do you have support around you?
Had a quiet day. Very proud of myself as I took ember for a long walk, went shopping, got my meds, had lunch at Costa, tidied my sitting room, did a load of washing and spent hours in front of the tv.
It was H and A 's wedding anniversary today and they went to a safari park. H brought me back a cuddly aardvark which I calling Antony. Is it sad that I now have more soft toys than i had as a kid!
You should be proud! Sounds like you did what you needed to do for you today. That's awesome.
Love that you have an aardvark!
Woke up really early and made the mistake of checking tv schedules and discovered that the coast v country in which I feature will shown on channel 4 on Friday at 3pm...
Bit of a rollercoaster day today. Had someone drop by to buy some pottery they spent about £30 and ordered a cow..... What with the new customer who ordered 12 yesterday that means I need 84 to fulfil all my orders by the end of January and that does not include people who said they would like to buy one when I have some available.
This afternoon I was a little disappointed to find we did not make the final cut for coast v county. They decided to concentrate on the couples desire to find somewhere they could run a glamping site and left out Mags' desire to find somewhere she could do a creative hobby like pottery. However it is probably for the best, I don't think I could cope with much more business.
Tonight I ran the first of my one off workshops on making Christmas decorations, it went well. In the new year i might run more short workshops. Not only does it help financially it is also good advertising as people come, have a go and find out that they would like to do more. Very tired tonight it's been a full on week with 3 two hour private classes and another one at 5.30 tomorrow. However next week is shutdown week (or as H wrote out on the calender without thinking, breakdown week, she may be right) I have promised dad I will take him to slimbridge wildfire trust on Monday, I do like the reserve but it's a long drive and I have a lot to do next week. I sometimes wish that my brothers would do more.
Wow you are so busy! Can you get more help with making the cows?
I hope to be able to get back to the cows. I think if I can make 4 a day, 5 days a week I may make enough. The shutdown week has not gone to plan, there is a lot to be done still but I consider looking after my friend to be more important. Tomorrow she is going to spend the day with another friend so I get a day off, although she is doing much better so I may get to sleep in my own bed tomorrow night.
You're amazing.
Maybe you could train her to make cows too? Even if she only makes 1 or 2 then it's still 1 or 2 that you don't have to make?
I am hoping she can at least assist at some point.
She had another rough night so I am spending the night there again tonight.
How are you lovely?
It's awesome that you are helping her out, but remember you have to take care of you too. If you don't then you won't be able to look after her...
Hi, lovely, you’re an awesome friend (panda)
Hi bods
Well I'm back. Arty is well on the mend now and i can again sleep in my own bed. It has taken a lot out of me and I am finding I am tired all the time at the moment. Tomorrow i have just the two regular classes then i have two days with no commitments although I want to finish a cat I am making that will have 3d zentangle on it. I am making it to raise money for our company charity.
That’s wonderful news! You’re an amazing friend :)
It's lovely to see you and I'm really glad Arty is on the mend. Paula is right. You are an amazing friend. She's lucky to have you.
Hope you get some rest lovely x
I wish people would stop saying in an amazing friend I'm not really.
I think I may have found someone to help with making some of the Scottish pieces. Ian is a new volunteer and he is as crazy as me plus also very talented. He is going to have a go at making red squirrels with kilts, cabers, scarves and so on. It will leave me free for sheep and cows lol.
You may not see yourself as amazing but there aren't many people who would give up their bed to go and stay with someone to try to keep them safe.
Had a lovely evening out tonight with h. It was her birthday yesterday and out was my turn to spend some quality time with her. It actually was a business meeting with dinner (rofl) for £20 each we had three courses and the vegetarian options meant we were spoilt for choice. We think we may do that on the first Saturday of the month here on in!
The meeting did highlight how little manufacturing time we have left of we want to sell stuff for Christmas. We actually have just three weeks duo we are going to be busy.
Happy belated birthday, H!
Happy belated birthday H! Sounds like a lovely evening!
H pointed out art the weekend that it's not 3 weeks it's 2! Made 6 cows today which was my target. I would have carried on but I was worried about early fireworks so called it a day at around 3.30.
I went for my blood test this morning, much good it will do it I was told by the receptionist that I could not book an appointment with the diabetes nurse as she had left and they were not sure when the new one will start. Just when you think the practise can't get any worst they find a way!
Been a bit hyper today with lots of plans but will be working hard the next few weeks. Ugg... 10.50 and another firework has just gone off. Ember nd been so upset that she has just deposited her dinner on my bedroom floor!!!
The effect of fireworks on pets is horrible. We've been dosing Moiya up to help her calm down a bit. Just when we thought they were all over last night they started again - still going off past midnight.
It's been a rather stressful week here. Apart from the normal situation here of working our butts off, H has thrown A out.
She decided she had had enough of his attitude. He no longer seems to love her. Since he stated work he has become more and more lazy. He never does his share of the housework without being nagged. He spends most of his free time with his mates. He did not give H a birthday present. He does not give her housekeeping money. He expects her to pay for his car, repairs, tax etc. Despite earning much more than her and she has now realised he has been helping himself to the contents of her bank account, even on one occasion taking her full weeks wages. She paid off his debt a few months ago only to find he had racked up an even bigger one now. Finally she cracked and told him she wanted him out. He just packed up his stuff and left. He did not even try and deny the allegations that he had been taking her money, or try to fight to stay. Since he went last night she has heard nothing from him. She is now wondering if she did the right thing, but this was the fourth time she had reached this point with him and I think it is. I don't want him back under my roof. When he was sacked from his last job as money went missing he persuaded us that he was innocent but now I start to wonder. I also am wondering if the reason the pottery was struggling back in July was that he was helping himself to the cash box.
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