View Full Version : General musings and random ramblings *TRIGGERS*
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Jaquaia
24-03-18, 10:06 AM
Just random rubbish! Had I heard anything in the garden as Talia was being difficult coming in, did I want a hot chocolate making. No! I just wanted leaving alone so I could unwind!
Finally fell asleep about half 12, woke up briefly about half 6 and properly about half 9 so yay! Shoulder is aching though and my hands are flaring a bit but hopefully that will wear off.
Hopefully they'll ease off....
Jaquaia
24-03-18, 10:24 AM
Fingers crossed!!! If I could actually cross my fingers...
The plan is studying today, then Despicable Me 3 is the new film on sky movies (party)
The crossing of ones fingers is, imho, completely overrated! *no, I can't cross mine either!*
Love Despicable me films!
Yep, also clapping hands, handshakes ...... ;)
Jaquaia
24-03-18, 10:31 AM
I don't even know when I stopped being able to do it!
Jaquaia
24-03-18, 11:00 AM
J said the sweetest and most romantic thing I've ever heard last night. He asked me if I've seen Up, and then told me that he wanted us to be like the couple in that. I pretty much melted! That is the sweetest thing I've ever heard (inlove)
Need to get my butt out of bed but no energy!
Awwwwww I love UP! That's a wonderful thing for him to have said.
Jaquaia
24-03-18, 08:12 PM
The parents are out so enjoying the peace, except I'm on edge. I always get paranoid when I'm home alone.
Why? Is there anything you can do to help to calm you a bit?
Jaquaia
24-03-18, 08:28 PM
I don't know. I think it's generally being anxious and not liking this area, knowing what it's like. I'm currently watching tv but might go and do some studying
Calming with studying sounds like a plan...
Jaquaia
24-03-18, 10:23 PM
Not done any studying, as J asked me to ring him. Spent the last hour on the phone with him which was nice :) He needed cheering up and I feel a lot calmer :)
AS long as you managed to calm down lovely....
How are you feeling today?
Jaquaia
25-03-18, 09:59 AM
Tired, having a flare up, usual really.
You seem to be flaring a lot - have you kept a note of it and shown it to your rhuematologist? When do you see them next?
Jaquaia
25-03-18, 10:05 AM
It's usually a joint feeling uncomfortable which wears off after an hour or so. This is both wrists and up into the base of my thumb throbbing. See my rheumy tuesday.
My friend has the same, she has found ice helps or just cold water for ankles and wrists.. I can't use ice/cold as it sets other things off, but heat helps me..
Jaquaia
25-03-18, 12:01 PM
It's easing off a lot but not feeling with it at all today.
I know that feeling today (bear)
Jaquaia
25-03-18, 12:24 PM
Decided that instead of sitting at home and vegetating, I'm going to go with the oldies and have squishes with Scarlett! :)
What a lovely idea. Lots of chubby soft skin will brighten anyone's day. Is she walking yet? Can't remember how old she is.
Sounds like a nice way to spend some time hunni x
Jaquaia
25-03-18, 02:23 PM
She's 8 months old now Flo. She's getting very close to crawling and can pull herself up to her knees.
She's full of cold at the moment bless her! But Auntie Jaq got cuddles, granny and grandad didn't (giggle)
Home now to.do... something. No idea what, just something!
Awww bless her sounds like you had a good visit.
I miss getting aunty cuddles, my nephews are hulking teenagers now (ones already 6’2” and he’s only 15!). Still, in the dim distant future when my grand babies come along ....... (giggle)
Jaquaia
25-03-18, 03:57 PM
I did. She's such a happy smiley baby.
To be fair Paula, she tried to get my boobs and when I told her no, went for trying to grab my glasses and pulling my hair, but I'll take that as a win! (rofl)
Vegging now, shattered and not in the best of moods.
Awww ;) Love baby squishes!
Jaquaia
25-03-18, 04:37 PM
I need a nap me thinks
Scarlett sounds a little sweetie and she knows who she's comfortable with! I expect you'll be on the baby sitting rota PDQ!
Hope you sleep well tonight lovely x
Jaquaia
25-03-18, 09:29 PM
PDQ???
I've had to promise J that I'll go to bed at the same time as him, apparently a nap this afternoon doesn't count.
Pretty Dam Quick ;)
Hope you do get to bed and get some sleep..
Jaquaia
25-03-18, 09:55 PM
Ohhhhh!
I'm under strict orders to settle down and rest so I'm doing as I'm told and watching coupling.
How did you sleep lovely?
Jaquaia
26-03-18, 09:47 AM
I was awake at 5am, got to sleep just after midnight, and fell asleep again just after 7. Had about 7 hours in total.
How are you feeling today? Is that more sleep than normal?
Jaquaia
26-03-18, 02:00 PM
It is more then normal and had a nap cuddled up with J too.
Jaquaia
26-03-18, 06:44 PM
A bit meh. Have let my friend know I can't make his wedding and feel guilty even though he was fine with it. Wish I could do more for J as he's really struggling at the moment. And got a few things praying on my mind. Need to stop spending too. I was shopping for new bedding at half 5 this morning.
Well done for talking to your friend. Somewhere you know that you need to get you stable and better before you take on everything for J or anyone else. All you can do now is listen and do all I imagine you are doing...
Why are you spending?
Jaquaia
27-03-18, 03:37 PM
"I'm going to take a little break" I said. Some me time I thought, where I didn't feel that I had to be here in case we have a spambot infestation, just me and some knitting/cross stitch when it arrives/boxsets/drawing/books and just generally try and recharge my batteries... That lasted long!
Seems my life has other ideas, more of a "ha! (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) you! Easy life my arse! You've not suffered enough yet so think again!"
Today has thrown at me a couple of hundred pound council tax bill, an hour sat in rheumatology, a comment about my weight masking inflammation, and long discussion involving various people about my unstable mental health, aforementioned unstable mental health preventing a steroid injection to help with the inflammation, and the knowledge that I have rheumy appointments every Tuesday for the next 6 weeks while I learn how to inject myself...
Anything else??? Not quite on my arse yet so I can take a bit more (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)!!!
Oh sweetheart, that’s crap (panda)
Jaquaia
27-03-18, 04:02 PM
Apparently my body might not be absorbing the methotrexate properly so it isn't being as effective as it could be.
Oh hunni I'm so sorry.... I wish it was better news for you. x
Jaquaia
27-03-18, 04:31 PM
I never usually get a break so I don't know why I was expecting one this time. It just seems to be one thing after another.
Are there any other options meds wise?
Jaquaia
27-03-18, 04:41 PM
Methotrexate is the best one and has made a huge difference for me.
magie06
27-03-18, 06:39 PM
I wish i lived nearer so I could call round and give you a hug.
Jaquaia
27-03-18, 06:48 PM
I'm really struggling to tolerate my mum tonight which isn't helping!
Can they not add anything in to help you to tolerate it?
Jaquaia
27-03-18, 07:48 PM
What? My mum? (giggle)
Erm, that I don't know what to do - I know my sister calls me and lets off steam with our Mum and whilst she's at work I speak to her on the phone - I'm not close enough to get there and physically help, so I do it on the phone....
Jaquaia
27-03-18, 07:55 PM
She sighed earlier and I asked why. "To try and catch my breath, I'm a bit breathless today"
She has a cig in her hand.....
Or complaining about her hand and how many side effects the biological they're thinking of putting her on potentially could have. Again, while smoking...
Oh hunni your braver than me learning how to inject yourself they would never get me to do that
Jaquaia
27-03-18, 09:52 PM
Apparently it's like an insulin injection so it doesn't sound all that bad...I hope.
It’s amazing how quickly you get used to it
Jaquaia
27-03-18, 10:31 PM
I hope so. Once they're happy that I can do it properly someone will deliver it to my house every 3 months. Or that's what the consultant said.
OO what's the name of it, I have a friend who does her own and it's delivered every 3 months. She also has B12 injections too (I'm on the tablets) I could put you in touch on FB if you wanted? She's awesome, just like you are!
Jaquaia
28-03-18, 10:35 AM
I'll let you know on Tuesday!!! That's when I have my first one! Must remember to ask for a purple book too!
OOO a purple book sounds cool!
Jaquaia
28-03-18, 11:07 AM
I've just been naughty!!!
Jaquaia
28-03-18, 11:14 AM
Suzi will find out next week (angel)
Should I be concerned? What will I find out?
Jaquaia
28-03-18, 11:47 AM
Not concerned! Just wait and see! ;)
OldMike
28-03-18, 02:43 PM
I've just been naughty!!!
Ooo naughty but nice, sounds intriguing ;)
Not concerned! Just wait and see! ;)
Should I be scared?
Jaquaia
28-03-18, 09:14 PM
Nope. I promise it's a good thing!
Jaquaia
29-03-18, 04:32 PM
So today has been buying tickets to go see James in Scarborough in August! So excited as I love James!!! New bedding, and I've lifted my mattress and hoovered under the bed so it's all tidy. And reading. And now I don't know what I want to do!
On a bit of a high today...
Wow!....maybe it's time to put the kettle on!...you put me to shame!
It’s so lovely to hear you upbeat :)
Jaquaia
29-03-18, 05:52 PM
I'm a little on edge and it's hard to sit still and my head feels like it's racing but it makes a change to feeling really low. Have sorted my mums meds for the coming week and am going to sit and read the book J bought me while tea is ready :)
James are awesome! That sounds fantastic! Is J going with you?
Jaquaia
29-03-18, 06:41 PM
He is! He'll drive so date nights! :) Bluetones in May, James in August and Travis in December! It's like reliving my childhood! (giggle)
I LOVE Travis! And they're still doing well!
Jaquaia
29-03-18, 06:56 PM
The album they're touring is one of the first albums either of us owned! And James are playing the open air theatre, which should be lovely in August!
I'm so pleased for you! Sounds like so much fun!
Jaquaia
29-03-18, 09:50 PM
I'm sure it will be.
I've stopped and my mood is slipping. Stopping means things start preying on my mind.
Have you got something else you can do to shift focus?
Jaquaia
29-03-18, 09:59 PM
I'm watch Coupling but it keeps going round and round.
Try secret helpers on iplayer ;)
Jaquaia
30-03-18, 12:32 PM
Not doing good today, I've woken up feeling pretty low and have a knot in my chest. Done all the basics, even watched Phantom of the Opera and Grease, just put the 5th load of washing in, washed the pots, still feel agitated and it's only just half 12!
Today is going to be a long day...
Sorry you're feeling crappy love. I really, really approve of your movie choices!
Massive hugs gorgeous (bear) I hope you're feeling a bit brighter and calmer lovely x
Jaquaia
30-03-18, 05:46 PM
Not at all. Got so much on my mind at the moment and don't know how to let it all out and my low mood is feeding all that.
Just write it.... It WILL help to get it out.
Jaquaia
30-03-18, 05:55 PM
I don't even know where to start
Maybe with whatever comes into your head first?
Jaquaia
30-03-18, 09:32 PM
I don't know how to untangle it. There are so many things just there. The injections, the appointment with the nurse prescriber, my moods being up and down to name just a few.
OK What is it about the injections? Did you want me to put you in touch with my friend? Maybe she can help put some of your worries to bed a bit?
Nurse prescriber - all you can do is be honest and open. Can you take someone with you? Bullet point list at the ready?
Keeping a mood diary?
Morning......is it the pain of the needle that is worrying you? There are several different 'topical' anaesthetic gels/creams that you can buy from Boots or online. Some years ago I had to draw blood for glucose readings. I have my own tester. I used a gel to numb the area that I had to prick. It worked like a dream, and what's more, the needles these days are so much finer than they used to be...just like a hair, you'll hardly notice.
Jaquaia
31-03-18, 10:40 AM
I think it's the fact that I have to do it myself! Needles don't bother me, I can watch the needle go in! But it's different when it's a nurse doing it. Probably a lot of it is the unknown too.
I can ask Char about it if you want? She's lovely!
I think it's the fact that I have to do it myself! Needles don't bother me, I can watch the needle go in! But it's different when it's a nurse doing it. Probably a lot of it is the unknown too.
Any chance that you can do the first one in front of the nurse? It IS the unknown. Once you've done the first one I'm sure it'll be fine.
Jaquaia
31-03-18, 11:27 AM
If she's your friend Suzi then of course she's lovely ;)
They're teaching me how to do it Flo so the first 6 will all be in front of the nurse.
I've known her since Fern was a baby and she's now 13 lol I'll put you in touch on FB ?
Jaquaia
31-03-18, 11:37 AM
I just don't want to be a bother
Your braver than me even considering it hunni they wouldnt get me doing my own needles
You aren't a bother at all. Give her a couple of days to get back to me as she's been poorly, and I'll introduce you to her!
Jaquaia
31-03-18, 10:28 PM
Have kept myself distracted today. Done some studying, some knitting and now watching Coupling.
I should be ok, it's just something new.
I'm sure you will be love, but it won't hurt to talk to someone else who goes through similar?
Jaquaia
31-03-18, 11:45 PM
You do have a point.
Hooray! I'm glad you're seeing that! :)
Jaquaia
01-04-18, 09:43 AM
Morning. Woken up with my right hand really stiff and my wrists painful and swollen. Hate flare ups.
Will they ease during the day? Have you got medication for them?(bear)
Jaquaia
01-04-18, 11:58 AM
It's starting to ease now, I have ibuprofen if I need it but I try not to take it.
BiL birthday today so taking presents round. I'm only going to see my niece, she's started crawling....
(bear) If it hurts take the painkillers babe, you're dealing with enough as it is so if you can make even 1 thing a tiny bit easier then do it....
magie06
01-04-18, 01:34 PM
Give your niece lots of auntie hugs. They are the best kind. A cure for everything.
Jaquaia
01-04-18, 02:03 PM
I'll take something when I get home as it's still uncomfortable but it has eased off a lot.
I’ve learnt, over the years, that it’s best to take the painkillers as the pain starts, not when it’s at its peak, as it takes longer, and more painkillers generally, to get it back under control itms
Jaquaia
01-04-18, 07:00 PM
I'm too stubborn for my own good sometimes
Jaquaia
01-04-18, 08:14 PM
:P
Have taken some ibuprofen and had a hot shower. My wrist still looks a little swollen but it's eased a lot. Plan now is half an hours gentle knitting and then settle down to watch the tv!
Hope the knitting has helped lovely. (bear)(bear)(bear)
(bear) hunni flare-ups are horrible glad its eased a bit for you
Jaquaia
01-04-18, 11:15 PM
I only did a few rows but I found it relaxing.
J popped to see me after work! It's amazing how much of a difference hugs from him makes :)
Am so glad that J helps hunni x
How are your hands today babe? How are you feeling? Plans for the day?
Jaquaia
02-04-18, 09:08 AM
Stiff but no longer painful. I'm not feeling as flat as I did yesterday but then J adding an extra 20 miles on to his journey home because he wanted to give me a hug does tend to make me feel better!
I think I might read a chapter in my textbook and then do some knitting or attempt some cross stitch
Hugs are always good and very beneficial, I'm sure I read something about hugs doing something good to seretonine levels whether it be hugging a human or an animal. Ah I have found the artical, may also be interesting on the phychology of them for your course. https://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-5756/10-Reasons-Why-We-Need-at-Least-8-Hugs-a-Day.html
Jaquaia
02-04-18, 10:16 AM
Erm....yes Suzi?
Thanks Jarre, I will read that later!
Stiff but no longer painful. I'm not feeling as flat as I did yesterday but then J adding an extra 20 miles on to his journey home because he wanted to give me a hug does tend to make me feel better!
I think I might read a chapter in my textbook and then do some knitting or attempt some cross stitch
That sounds like a nice day planned :)
Jaquaia
02-04-18, 11:14 AM
Fingers crossed! I might see how I do with the cross stitch, I was laid in bed the other night watching beginners videos on youtube (giggle)
It took a while to remember that I need to take folic acid today!
OldMike
02-04-18, 12:34 PM
Give cross stitch a go, I know Paula enjoys it, you've watched the videos now do the stitching ;) :)
Jaquaia
02-04-18, 12:49 PM
I've just done my first ever row of cross stitch!!!! So pleased with myself right now!!!! (party)
Jaquaia
02-04-18, 02:40 PM
It did and the instructions are really clear too! Even done my first 2 fractional stitches. I'm loving it! It's so relaxing!
Hooray! So pleased for you!
Jaquaia
02-04-18, 03:16 PM
I'll post a pic when I've done a bit more but I'm so pleased with myself!
Jaquaia
02-04-18, 06:25 PM
I've only put it down to eat (giggle)
Just had some FAB news!!! My friend Tom is in remission!!!! (party)(party)(party)
OMG that's amazing news! I'm so pleased for him and for you!
Oh wow!!! That’s fantastic!!!!!!!!!
Jaquaia
02-04-18, 10:04 PM
I may regret being unable to put it down in the morning but...
https://www.dropbox.com/s/vxi57186mlviyeq/20180402_220126.jpg?dl=0
That’s incredible, you’re doing fantastically well :)
Jaquaia
02-04-18, 11:10 PM
Thank you :)
My hands are pretty stiff now. Hoping a decent nights sleep will help. Got my first injection tomorrow morning then straight over to the other hospital for my mums OT appointment.
Am so glad for your friend and you hunni and the cross stitch is amazing,
Hope it all goes well for you with the injection and with your mum tomorrow xx
Thinking of you today (bear)
Jaquaia
03-04-18, 09:28 AM
I'm nervous but it should be ok. Hospital are going to monitor my bloods too so I don't have to bother getting an appointment at the doctors for a while.
I would be terrified your braver than me xx
Jaquaia
03-04-18, 10:34 AM
That was a breeze!!!! Apart from them telling me it was my 4th injection as they'd got the wrong persons file out!
Glad it went well hunni apart from the file
That's good news!......enjoy the X stitching....yes, it's addictive isn't it?
Jaquaia
03-04-18, 05:39 PM
I've been doing it all afternoon! Got most of one leg done on the fairy today. It's kept me out of the way too as I'm really irritable today.
I’m so chuffed you’re enjoying it! I’m on a mission, I’ve just got my mum doing it too lol
I'm totally hooked on mine too!!! I love that you love it!
Jaquaia
03-04-18, 09:23 PM
I may have got a little carried away....
https://www.dropbox.com/s/h0wvkdldvqbh0fw/20180403_212014.jpg?dl=0
It’s hard to tell from a photo but the tension looks really good - you’re a natural!
Jaquaia
04-04-18, 09:51 AM
I'm so chuffed you think that! :)(party)
Your X stitch looks lovely. It takes you to a different realm doesn't it? I'm glad you're enjoying it. Has it got lots of different colours incorporated into it?
Jaquaia
04-04-18, 08:47 PM
There's only 4 colours. I've not done any today, thought I'd give my hands a rest.
So, what have you been doing?
Jaquaia
04-04-18, 09:23 PM
I've spent the morning cuddled up with J, we ended up falling asleep. Then I had an 18 month review with weightwise. I'm about 5kgs lighter and 4cm smaller then my review in September :)
That sounds well needed with J!
Wow! Go you! That's awesome! :)
Jaquaia
04-04-18, 09:37 PM
It was needed. He's really been struggling and I've missed him, we both needed it. I feel really safe with him, there was just a slight panic when I woke up of "oh god, I really hope I didn't snore" (giggle)
Pfft, if you snored then you snored..... ;)
Jaquaia
04-04-18, 10:04 PM
He said I didn't snore and I didn't drool on him so bonus! And apparently I look really peaceful when I'm asleep! If me asleep doesn't put him off, nothing will!!
Well done hunni and awwww glad you had some time with J, as the saying goes he needs to accept you warts and all lol xx
Jaquaia
04-04-18, 10:28 PM
Oh he does! And frequently clouts me round the ear if I say anything bad about myself (giggle)
I snore, even more now I have to lie on my back. It doesn’t bother Si anymore - he’s always accepted me, warts and all ;). I know you’ve not had this before but this is what a loving relationship is like
I think it's awesome you have someone who loves you for you and treats you with love and respect and not like rubbish.
Jaquaia
05-04-18, 10:25 AM
I feel very, very lucky. He's already said that he knows he wants to marry me one day, my parents like him, he's not annoyed me even once in almost 7 months! (giggle) plus he's seen me at my worst and has never once thought that my mood is related to him, he has just given me a clip round the back of the head, told me that I have no need to ever apologise for being ill and hugged me even tighter.
Which is exactly how it should be.
Jaquaia
05-04-18, 01:38 PM
I can tell I'm not myself at the moment. My mum is ill at the moment so I told her this morning that I'd woken up with a sore throat and snotty so I was going to stay away from her. Her response was to shrug her shoulders as if to say "so what". Cheers mother!!! That really annoyed me so I took great delight in telling her it could stop me having treatment...
Looks like you've hit the jackpot there Jaq! What a nice guy. Do you think there'll be a chance that you can both find a little nest and just the 2 of you enjoy life together?
Jaquaia
05-04-18, 09:15 PM
What a bloody day!!! Went with my mum to the doctors at just gone 4 and only just got home. The nurse practitioner wasn't happy with her obs, her sats were down at 90% and her chest sounded wet, yet my bloody mother still argued about going to the hospital! Between me and the nurse, we eventually bullied her into going, so ambulance was called, blue lights and sirens, which sent my anxiety sky high! She's being admitted for a couple of days and as we left, she was on oxygen and a nebuliser and going down for a chest x-ray as soon as the nebuliser is finished.
I'm shattered and not had a drink in the last 5 hours!
Looks like you've hit the jackpot there Jaq! What a nice guy. Do you think there'll be a chance that you can both find a little nest and just the 2 of you enjoy life together?
None at all Flo as he has 2 children, one of which he frequently describes as feral ;)
When things are settled, he wants me to move out to his village, which we both think will be good for me as it's quiet and more community-orientated then where I live now
When things are settled, he wants me to move out to his village, which we both think will be good for me as it's quiet and more community-orientated then where I live now
Living with him?
Sweetie, your mums in the right place. You never know, it might scare her into taking her health seriously ..... are you going to rest tomorrow?
Jaquaia
05-04-18, 09:48 PM
Yes, living with him. I can easily picture my future with him :)
I doubt it, it's not the first time she's ended up in hospital because of her chest, it's the first time I've had to deal with the fallout though. I am going to rest tomorrow, I'm not going to visit her as I don't think it will be wise if I'm starting with a virus.
Am glad that your going to rest hunni
Massive hugs lovely, you must be exhausted....
Jaquaia
05-04-18, 11:17 PM
I'm absolutely shattered but now I'm in bed I'm wide awake. I'm feeling completely overwhelmed and like everything is just caving in on me.
You dealt with it all today, please don’t feel overwhelmed - you’ve done brilliantly
Did you get any sleep? How are you today? Have you called the hospital to check on your Mum?
Jaquaia
06-04-18, 10:51 AM
Dad's rang but she was with the consultant. I've spent a lot of the night wide awake and have woken up with full blown lurgy.
Sorry you had a rubbish night and feel bad today - are you going to do things to be kind to you?
Hope you get some news soon (bear)
Jaquaia
06-04-18, 12:02 PM
I'm going to try. They might be letting my mum out, they were getting her to ring my dad once she'd seen the consultant. They've had the stop smoking nurse to her too, not that it will do any good.
Oh!!! I got to ride in the front of the ambulance with the driver.
Once I finally got in to see my mum she asked if that was the first time I've ridden in an ambulance with blue lights...first time I've ever gone in an ambulance mother!
"Was it good?"
Oh yeah, for someone who suffers badly with anxiety it was absolutely brilliant you muppet! :(:
Blimey, they kept me in for 5 days with 96% sats! Hopefully that means she’s improved a lot with the nebuliser and oxygen.
Jaquaia
06-04-18, 12:45 PM
I got it wrong, she's got to wait for the consultant. Her sats improved on oxygen but they dropped again when they turned the oxygen pressure down so hopefully the nebuliser helps.
Hope she's staying in for a while longer chained to the bed to stop her from escaping for a cigarette!
Jaquaia
06-04-18, 04:28 PM
My brother is taking my dad up there later so will find out more then. Just packed a few things for him to take with him for her.
J really is a special person. He popped to see me after work, despite having hardly any time and a poorly little girl at home. He just wanted to make sure I was ok.
That's so kind of him! Exactly what he should be doing too! :)
Jaquaia
06-04-18, 04:48 PM
She's taken the day off to look after the little one. I told him a few times that it was fine if he went straight home but he completely ignored me and insisted that he wanted to come and see me. :)
My mum is being discharged with some new inhalers.
What a bloody awful 24 hours you've had! I'm sorry to hear about your mum, but sorry too that you've been caught up in it. No wonder you're exhausted and anxious. You need it like you need a hole in the head! But at least you've got a lovely bloke that cares about you and is so unselfish. A little village and him maybe just what you need, and the sooner the better! If you can envisage him in your life for the long haul then it must be right. I hope you have a better evening Jaq, and some much needed rest.(bear)
Jaquaia
06-04-18, 09:09 PM
Really starting to not feel well now. Have taken some paracetamol and settled down to watch some tv. Hoping it clears by Tuesday or I may not be able to have my injection.
Hope she listens and does decide to stop smoking. Am happy to give you/her my top tips and I was a heavy smoker for a fairly long time... I'm now over 6 years I think...
Yup over six years Suzi as it was when you moved the forum to this one when you started to give up I think
Yup and I haven't had one puff since.
Jaquaia
07-04-18, 09:54 AM
The stop smoking nurse is ringing her on monday. The hospital have sent a prescription for patches through to the chemist for her and they're going to come here to see her and work on my dad too.
Think my cold is breaking, hopefully it will clear enough to still have my injection
Sounds like a good plan to help her hun, glad your cold is breaking now xx
I truly hope they both can find a way to stop
OldMike
07-04-18, 12:32 PM
I remember Suzi having how long she quit smoking in her signature when I first joined DWD over two years ago and I think it read over three years then.
Smoking is so highly addictive, I hope your mum can manage to quit. What surprises me is the number of kids that smoke these days, on the way to Custard Club I pass a 6th form college and I see lots of kids stood outside smoking their heads off.
Jaquaia
07-04-18, 06:01 PM
Today is a bad day. I was awake before 4 again and didn't fall back to sleep until almost 7. J rang me as I drove home from work and I had to dry my phone as my eyes kept leaking, my head is a pretty dark place today and apparently it's obvious as saying I was fine didn't wash with him.
Oh lovely, I'm sorry you're having a bad day - I could call you and you could laugh at my sexy man voice? Want to talk about why you aren't feeling great?
Jaquaia
07-04-18, 07:09 PM
I have my mum sounding like a squeaky toy to laugh at! I don't know why I feel so low today. I know J is worried about me and has ordered me to rest so I'm cross-stitching. I don't know, my mood is on the floor and my head is full of dark thoughts and all my insecurities are raising their ugly heads.
The last 48 hours have been hellishly hard, hunni, so it’s not surprising it’s having an impact (bear). Do you want to talk about what’s been going on with your mum?
Jaquaia
07-04-18, 09:18 PM
Apparently the stop smoking nurse is coming to the house. She has cut down a fair bit today though. I'm not sure what more to say then that.
magie06
07-04-18, 09:49 PM
Sending you lots and lots of hugs.
Hey each one she doesn't smoke is a victory!
Sorry you're still feeling bad though lovely.
Jaquaia
07-04-18, 10:34 PM
I feel so close to giving up today. I even had to put my cross stitch away as it was winding me up.
Don't give up love.... (bear) (bear) Can you watch crap on tv or something?
Apparently the stop smoking nurse is coming to the house. She has cut down a fair bit today though. I'm not sure what more to say then that.
I just know that if it was my mum blue lighted into hospital, I’d have been scared and it would have had a negative impact on my MH
Jaquaia
07-04-18, 10:54 PM
I've been watching Coupling.
Kept making silly mistakes but got there in the end, just didn't get much done...
https://www.dropbox.com/s/wz8554l8e4w5v77/20180407_204724.jpg?dl=0
I just know that if it was my mum blue lighted into hospital, I’d have been scared and it would have had a negative impact on my MH
I was scared but I also knew she was in good hands. I think I was so focused on keeping it together and not panicking that I didn't have much chance to focus on being scared itms?
You’ve got much further than I expected - and it’s looking really good
magie06
07-04-18, 11:02 PM
It's really turning out really beautiful.
Jaquaia
08-04-18, 12:02 AM
I had to put it away as my agitation was making me want to stab the needle into my hand.
You really have done masses to your cross stitch. How are you feeling this morning?
Jaquaia
08-04-18, 11:59 AM
Not great but better then yesterday. I ended up in tears before bed and scratching my arm up.
Are you not taking any meds for your anxiety and agitation? You've had a belly full over the last few days. I'm not surprised you're feeling wretched. But you've done well with the cross stitch. Some days cross stitching can be a nightmare. More than once I've burst into tears with frustration because I've inadvertently used the wrong colour. Will you see your prince today?
Jaquaia
08-04-18, 01:15 PM
I'm on propanolol 3 times a day. It usually helps but not always.
I've just had to unpick some as I got carried away and used too many strands!
Not today, he'll ring me on his way home from work though.
Unpicking is so frustrating, we’ve all had to do it though :/
Is your arm OK? (bear)
I've had to unpick half a dragon before now as I used the wrong shade of blue - the whole thing was made up of about 10 different shades of sodding blue.. I never finished that one....
Jaquaia
08-04-18, 03:04 PM
Yeah, it was sore more then anything, there's only one that's left a mark.
I've seen another one I want to do but that will have to wait until I've had more practise. It's on 18 count black aida but would make a great gift for my mum https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B001TWHPU6/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_4eIYAb16GAF70
Jaq, you do li,e to push yourself, don’t you? ;)
Jaquaia
08-04-18, 03:33 PM
I was just browsing (angel)
OldMike
08-04-18, 03:40 PM
Yeah, it was sore more then anything, there's only one that's left a mark.
I've seen another one I want to do but that will have to wait until I've had more practise. It's on 18 count black aida but would make a great gift for my mum https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B001TWHPU6/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_4eIYAb16GAF70
Wow that's beautiful, it's a work of art it really is
I was just browsing (angel)
Nothing wrong with browsing Jaq ;)
magie06
08-04-18, 06:09 PM
It looks beautiful Jaquaia. Finish the one you are on first, there's nothing like ufi. (Unfinished items)
Jaquaia
08-04-18, 06:11 PM
Oh I will. I've got loads to keep me busy.
Jaquaia
08-04-18, 09:10 PM
I'm getting a bit obsessive. I've had nothing to drink for the last 2 hours as I got so absorbed so tomorrow I'm not picking it up until I've done some studying. I don't know why I get like that but it keeps me distracted.
I get the same way..
That tiger is amazing, but looks very complicated!
Hope you've had something to drink now and are calm?
Jaquaia
08-04-18, 10:26 PM
I have had a drink and semi-calm. I'm very aware that tomorrow is Monday which means the day after is Tuesday amd I have to go see the nurse prescriber...
Maybe the nurse prescriber will be a positive thing? I know it doesn't stop you worrying about it though. However, I normally find nurses much easier to talk to and they seem to "get it" more than consultants!
Jaquaia
09-04-18, 09:52 AM
The problem I have is I've only ever seen nurses from secondary services and they've been awful!
The problem I have is I've only ever seen nurses from secondary services and they've been awful!
Is that awful 'nasty' or awful 'incompetent'? I tend to agree with suzi.....my experience has been the same, but I can understand that by the law of averages there must be nurses that just aren't up to it! Let's hope on this occasion that you're pleasantly surprised.
There's good and bad with everything, but maybe this one will be different for you.
Did you get any sleep?
Jaquaia
09-04-18, 10:26 AM
Flo, the CPN who did my last assessment told me the meds might not be working because of my personality and that my self-harm wasn't proper self harm. 2 months later I still have a very noticeable scar on my arm yet it's not proper self-harm. I did it in front of her as I'd gotten so overwhelmed I'd switched off and scratched my arm raw and she didn't even ask to see. The only reason she agreed to ask the nurse prescriber to look at my medication is because I completely broke down, snotty, unable to speak crying broke down. I'm assuming that the nurse prescriber must have seen some merit to seeing me.
Suzi, I slept. Not well but I did sleep. I got told off by J just before 5 this morning as I was awake and replying to his message! Finally fell back to sleep around half 6 and was off and on til 9.
Glad you got some sleep lovely. What do you have planned for today?
Jaquaia
09-04-18, 01:52 PM
J is on his way so yay! Snuggling!! (inlove) then studying for an hour or 2
Jaquaia
09-04-18, 10:02 PM
Had a few wobbles today. I feel very lucky that I can have those wobbles and all he does is hold me and reassure me until I feel a bit better, even if he won't stop bugging me until I admit what's wrong. I've never felt so loved and cared for in my entire life. I just wish the wobbles were less often.
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