View Full Version : ophelia's room TRIGGERS
ophelia
19-11-17, 11:42 AM
not sure what's going in this thread (good positive news stories, maybe the odd funny thing that happened to me)
but i've seen some members here have their own thread
so now so do I
if i'm going to use it.. well, that's another thing entirely.
ophelia
Lol Ophelia, I’m lookimg forward to whatever you fancy talking about ;)
ophelia
19-11-17, 11:49 AM
Lol Ophelia, I’m lookimg forward to whatever you fancy talking about ;)
to be honest paula, I doubt i'll return to this thread.
i'll think of something and think right, well, that needs a thread
lol who knows though. i've only just posted it
The thing is, keeping this sort of thread does make it easier for other members to have some sort of context and history in that they can easily look back over what you’ve written rather than trying to navigate multiple threads. It can get confusing otherwise. I’d always encourage using a diary thread.....
On that note. Do you fancy telling us a bit about yourself?
OldMike
19-11-17, 12:02 PM
Hi Ophelia, just post what you want. Some people post what they do on a day by day basis others post about their feelings and problems and often we'll post humourous stuff.
The thing is there isn't any definite form your posts should take all we ask is that you respect others and follow the forum rules :)
Don't tell me Ophelia's room is going to be an empty room, I 'm sure you're you fill it with a range of stuff. :)
ophelia
19-11-17, 12:07 PM
The thing is, keeping this sort of thread does make it easier for other members to have some sort of context and history in that they can easily look back over what you’ve written rather than trying to navigate multiple threads. It can get confusing otherwise. I’d always encourage using a diary thread.....
On that note. Do you fancy telling us a bit about yourself?
i'm ophelia, I live in the UK, and enjoy trivia quizzes.
I listen to all types of music, I especially like music from the 1960's and 70's
I read a lot of agatha christie and ruth rendell, daniele steel, and rebecca shaw.
I've been bipolar for 15 years now, and I'm currently on a high.
I enjoy shakespeare, especially the play romeo and juliet.
I love Shakespeare!
Do you have any support where you are?
ophelia
19-11-17, 12:44 PM
I love Shakespeare!
Do you have any support where you are?
a little
but I rely on places like this (and this is the only i've really stuck with for more than a day. lol)
I have therapy on fridays, so that's good- and I have my psych doc
but it's not enough...
12 43, I've not even gone out yet to buy my meat
not even dressed yet
lazy miss ophelia
lol
I'm glad you are sticking with us lol
It’s sunday,you’re allowed to be lazy ;)
Are you on any meds?
ophelia
19-11-17, 02:07 PM
It’s sunday,you’re allowed to be lazy ;)
Are you on any meds?
I am lazy every day lol.
I am on so many meds, and over the years they have changed a lot.
still not found a combo that works for me though
suzy. I am glad I am sticking around too.
the only suggestion I have so far is that their's no place to write feedback and suggestions
You can in the forum help section ;)
ophelia
19-11-17, 06:34 PM
You can in the forum help section ;)
their's a forum help section?
I see the anouncements section, where the members are kept current on forum news, but..
There you go
http://www.dealingwithdepression.co.uk/forumdisplay.php?4-Forum-updates-and-Help
ophelia
19-11-17, 06:46 PM
There you go
http://www.dealingwithdepression.co.uk/forumdisplay.php?4-Forum-updates-and-Help
I am so thick.
it is that one.... I can't believe that
ophelia
19-11-17, 06:56 PM
I just posted my suggestion.
have a look if you want.
I think it makes sense
ophelia
20-11-17, 08:06 AM
I'll have a look ;)
I just saw your reply to it
thanks..
ophelia
20-11-17, 10:00 AM
the disney story I promise..
Brave schoolgirl, 11, with cerebral palsy taken on her final journey by Snow White at her Disney-themed funeral
Brave schoolgirl, 11, with cerebral palsy taken on her final journey by
Snow White at her Disney-themed funeral
A DISNEY-LOVING little girl who died after a long battle with illness was
led to her funeral by Snow White after family friends clubbed together to
give
her a fairy-tale send off.
Tiny Crystal Sinclair-Jones died last October after a life-long battle
with the cerebral palsy, global developmental delay, and chronic lung
disease.
Brave Crystal was given a princess-themed funeral, with family friend
Anji Reeves stepping in at the last minute to lead the procession dressed
as Snow
White.
Mourners raised £392 to cover the funeral expenses in a bit to reduce the
stress on Cystal's grieving parents.
Mum Jeanette and Dad Brian put on brave faces as they led tributes to
their tragic daughter, who Brian described as "a lovely little girl" in a
moving
eulogy.
A written tribute left with flowers and a hat, addressed from "Uncle
Gary, Auntie Ellie and the girls", read: "God saw you getting weary so he
did what
he thought was best - he put his arm around you and he whispered 'come to
rest'.
"You can take my hat now as you always thought it was funny when you
knocked it off.
"Sleep tight, angel."
The procession was made up of a pink hearse and several white cars, with
floral tributes from family members spelling out "Boo Boo" and "sister",
and featured
cuddly toys with balloons in the shape of unicorns.
Ms Reeves said: "The service and procession went very well - the tributes
just kept pouring in for Crystal.
"I am close to the family and I stayed with them afterwards - lots of
people came to pay their respects after the service."
Uncle Keith Benson paid tribute to his niece on Facebook shortly after
the service, writing: "My darling little niece was placed in God's hands
today.
"Thank you to everyone for your kind words and thoughts for Crystal.
"I know Brian and Jeanette will be overcome with your kindness - that's
what Croydon is all about."
One comment read: "No amount of darkness will hide her light. My sincere
condolences to the family."
Another said: "What a beautiful send off - Snow White, a pink limo and
unicorn and dove tributes. I've never seen such a lovely, girly
procession - how
fitting, how lovely."
That is truly heartbreaking - beautiful, emotional and so very very sad....
ophelia
20-11-17, 07:08 PM
That is truly heartbreaking - beautiful, emotional and so very very sad....
A written tribute left with flowers and a hat, addressed from "Uncle
Gary, Auntie Ellie and the girls", read: "God saw you getting weary so he
did what
he thought was best - he put his arm around you and he whispered 'come to
rest'.
saddest thing ever
what a lovely tribute
ophelia
21-11-17, 08:20 AM
I heard back from my email!
remember I said I sent an email about liking the tv show don't say it bring it?
UK tv replied to me thanking me and giving me the information I asked them about
I am so happy!.
other than hearing from daniele steel (yes, I have had an email from her in the past), this has to be the best email i've got in a long time.
ophelia
23-11-17, 08:19 AM
so,
where ever I seem to go, or what ever I seem to do, I keep seeing the number 11
and I don't know why.
I thought perhaps it was just current bad luck that number 11 seems to be everywhere, but now I don't think that
I believe i'm seeing the number 11 for a reason and i've been trying to think of things with 11 that could have possibly triggered it
my only real Idea is 9/11, but that was years ago, and I wasn't even near the situation
this is happened in the past though with other numbers, and even people's names.
do you think their's something to it?
ophelia
I wouldn't read anything into it...
No, I don’t think there’s anything in it. It’s like when you buy a new car and you constantly see the same car - make, model and colour, everywhere you go. If you’e looking for something or somethings on your mind, you’ll see it everywhere
OldMike
23-11-17, 11:32 AM
Your mind is probably playing tricks, try not to let it bother you.
ophelia
23-11-17, 12:35 PM
of others dying
when I see it on the news.. these people got shot or what ever, I get so envious.
it's really sad, yes
but where I am coming from is this:
these people are usually people with a lot to live for, people who get a lot out of life.. in some cases, children- who have not even begun to live yet.
and I think... why not me?
i'm here taking up space, unhappy with my life and how it's turned out, yet I'm forced to continue
it's almost like a curse..
why does this happen
ophelia
23-11-17, 12:38 PM
and the high is over for now.
crashing back to depression and pretty fast
feels strange coming down so quickly
ophelia
23-11-17, 12:41 PM
I wouldn't read anything into it...
I've always been a little supersticious
these things.. break a mirror and get 7 years bad luck- they are true, in my opinion
I've never broken a mirror... I try not to
for that reason- because I believe it
S deleted
23-11-17, 01:06 PM
So what exactly are you saying? Is it envy as such or are you wishing you could trade places so they could live their lives and your pain be ended? I have to admit I feel like I’m only living for everyone else. My kids, family, friends, even my dog cos I don’t seem to get any satisfaction from anything I do. Decisions are made based on which is the least awful option not because I want to do it itms. It’s all become a bit of a drag.
ophelia
23-11-17, 01:21 PM
So what exactly are you saying? Is it envy as such or are you wishing you could trade places so they could live their lives and your pain be ended? I have to admit I feel like I’m only living for everyone else. My kids, family, friends, even my dog cos I don’t seem to get any satisfaction from anything I do. Decisions are made based on which is the least awful option not because I want to do it itms. It’s all become a bit of a drag.
I am saying that I am the one in a lot of emotional pain, and usually the people you hear about arn't- usually the people still want to live and have stuff they want to do
Ophelia, I’ve added a trigger warning to your thread. While your post doesn’t exactly come under our standard triggers, this is a subject that is tough for some. Also, I’ve merged 3 of your threads into your diary thread as you’ve created several new threads today that don’t really need to be stand alone.
I’ll reply to your thread later, if I may, as a friends just turned up ;)
I am saying that I am the one in a lot of emotional pain, and usually the people you hear about arn't- usually the people still want to live and have stuff they want to do
You don't know that they aren't in a lot of emotional pain. It's very rare that you see behind the masks that people put up. I know from the outside the lives of people I know look fantastic, but it's only when you dig around or get to know someone that you know completely differently...
ophelia
23-11-17, 03:54 PM
You don't know that they aren't in a lot of emotional pain. It's very rare that you see behind the masks that people put up. I know from the outside the lives of people I know look fantastic, but it's only when you dig around or get to know someone that you know completely differently...
using an example,
the manchester attacks
most of the people killed during the manchester attacks didn't have a choice.
some of them were young teenagers who had barely begun to live, others were parents of children, some of them were just on a good night out
this is what i'm saying
these people have reasons to live, and shouldn't be killed
people like me don't have a reason to live, yet still are forced to survive
seems unfair
I'm sorry that you feel that it's unfair you have life. This isn't something that will last forever. Things will change.
ophelia
24-11-17, 10:33 AM
I'm sorry that you feel that it's unfair you have life. This isn't something that will last forever. Things will change.
I've been hearing that now for years
sadly though this isn't a fairytale where everything ends happily ever after... this is life, and in this case, a very wasted one.
I don't think it's wasted. I've enjoyed having the chance to get to know you a little.
How old are you? (roughly, you do t have to be specific if you don’t want)
ophelia
24-11-17, 11:37 AM
I don't think it's wasted. I've enjoyed having the chance to get to know you a little.
thanks, suzy. that's the nicest thing said to me for, well.. a long time. I really apreciate that. maybe we can get to know each other some more
paula, to give you a rough idea of how old I am, I was born in the 1980's so not that old
Ok, so life isn’t a fairytale. For anyone. I’ve been through some pretty traumatic stuff (worse than some, not as bad as others) and there were times when I thought like you. That my life was a waste and that there was no real future ahead of me. The only difference between you and me is time - I’ve had time to adjust to what’s gone wrong, had time to forgive myself and to stop beating myself up. And I’ve had time to listen to my friends here, who all understand and empathise, and, with their support, dust myself off and make a life that isn’t what I thought it would be, but is still a good life. Not a fairytale but I’m happy.
Give us time to help you, lovely, your life will change for the better
thanks, suzy. that's the nicest thing said to me for, well.. a long time. I really apreciate that. maybe we can get to know each other some more
paula, to give you a rough idea of how old I am, I was born in the 1980's so not that old We're somewhere roughly not so different in age give or take about 10 years lol...
You seem like a lovely, sociable, lively, intelligent lady and I am sure that there is so much happiness in store for you..
ophelia
24-11-17, 07:05 PM
Ok, so life isn’t a fairytale. For anyone. I’ve been through some pretty traumatic stuff (worse than some, not as bad as others) and there were times when I thought like you. That my life was a waste and that there was no real future ahead of me. The only difference between you and me is time - I’ve had time to adjust to what’s gone wrong, had time to forgive myself and to stop beating myself up. And I’ve had time to listen to my friends here, who all understand and empathise, and, with their support, dust myself off and make a life that isn’t what I thought it would be, but is still a good life. Not a fairytale but I’m happy.
Give us time to help you, lovely, your life will change for the better
it's true lives can change, sure, and I am so glad for you that your life is a happy one
I don't think mine can, to be honest
not because of the depression and stuff gone on, but because of emotional pain threshhold
I'm sure you'd agree with me that we all handle pain diffrently and some can take more than others (emotional pain this is)
reasons people may want to commit suicide is a good example of this.
some people's reasons for wanting to commit suicide may seem trivial to others, but a lot to them
same in reverse
Are you seeing anyone for counselling - sorry if you've already answered - it's hard keeping track of all the members both here and the Facebook page...
ophelia
24-11-17, 08:40 PM
Are you seeing anyone for counselling - sorry if you've already answered - it's hard keeping track of all the members both here and the Facebook page...
I have a weekly therapy on friday afternoon for about an hour or so.
helpfull?
sometimes
more often though I feel I'm not getting much from it
Is it cbt? Or a different type of therapy?
There is nothing trivial about wanting to commit suicide, for people I talk to, people I care about or for myself. I know about emotional pain, Ophelia, I promise you that. That’s my point, I have been at the very depths of the black pit many times and will probably be there again in the future - that’s not defeatist, just a fact of my illness. I have had two options, and I chose to live and to live as well as I could. Please believe me, I do not take your illness lightly, nor do I think it’s a walk in the park and you can click your fingers and all will Be well. So if I gave that impression, I’m sorry. But I do believe that you can have a life, I do believe you can be happy - maybe not 100% of the time - but you can be happy. I want you to have that opportunity. I want you to be happy.
ophelia
24-11-17, 09:19 PM
Is it cbt? Or a different type of therapy?
yeah.
CBT
:)
S deleted
24-11-17, 09:27 PM
Ok let me tell you a story I’ve shared before so for those who have heard it before I apologise and will try to keep it brief.
Without boring you with the background early in 2013 I’d convinced myself that I was more of a burden to those I loved than a blessing and I was ready to end my life not just to end my own pain but to prevent the further suffering of those around me. I was minutes away from doing the deed when I received a text from a relative stranger at that time showing concern and that was all it took to change my mind. Someone I barely knew reached out to me at a crucial time and if she cared then maybe I was wrong in thinking the world was better off without me. Anyway I didn’t follow through with my plan obviously as I’m still here today. Now fast forward 12 months or so, and I’m chatting on fb messenger with a lass I knew through our joint hobby. She was a mum who had recently had a baby and relationship issues etc. and I just shared my experiences and chatted with her. Just being friendly really. Never really thought anything of that conversation until later when I learned that this woman was ready to end her life and talking to me changed her mind. I’ve no idea exactly what I said but it meant something to her. That got me thinking. If I hadn’t received that random text messages at the moment I did, I wouldn’t have been there to have that conversation which prevented her from ending her life.
The moral of this story.....yeah life may be crap and seem like it ain’t worth living but each of us are put on this Earth for a reason. We may not understand why we are here or why we have to suffer the way we do, we may never know what our purpose is but the smallest act can have the biggest impact on the people around us and to cut our lives short could have consequences further down the line. I’m not going to pretend it’s easy but tomorrow you could change the lives of others by the simplest act, opening a door for someone, giving up your seat on the bus, or saying good morning to a passerby. It may mean nothing to you but to others it could be a lifeline.
ophelia
25-11-17, 09:29 AM
I cut my arm today.
nothing major just a little blood...
and yes, self harm- I didn't cut it on furniture or anything
Do you want to talk about why?
ophelia
25-11-17, 01:57 PM
Do you want to talk about why?
their's not really an individual reason, I don't think.
I've been doing it a lot since the age of 9, I started it because of the abuse I was getting from family, then as I got older, I realised their was more reasons for me to do it.
" I deserve it", or " this is a release and it works,", or " I hate my body anyway, does it matter if their's scars on it?", etc etc
I have atemted multiple times, and once when I got really close and it still failed, I did it because it failed, and I really hoped it wouldn't.
I've tried alternatives... the elastic on the wrist, the drawing my emotions, etc etc,
but I do it for the blood- not the pain, so none of those things really helped me
1 of my friends suggested trying something to simulate blood, like water, or juice, but then I got in to the habbit of infecting the wounds, so..
One of our members has drawn on herself using red pen before, have you tried that?
ophelia
25-11-17, 02:07 PM
One of our members has drawn on herself using red pen before, have you tried that?
no.. what a good idea
I might try that
It's not my idea, but one of our members here. It has helped them in the past.
ophelia
26-11-17, 09:10 AM
It's not my idea, but one of our members here. It has helped them in the past.
I think a distraction thread would be good.
ways to distract yourself from depression... like a sticky at the top of this forum.
just a thought
yeah.. I tried what you posted here, and actually it's sort of neat. if that member is here now, thank you!
thhoughts are going very fast today
thoughts about ending it all and stuff
We’ve got a Distraction thread right here :)
http://www.dealingwithdepression.co.uk/showthread.php?249-Distraction-Techniques
Hunni, please keep talking to us here. These are ‘just’ thoughts, you do not need to act on them ........
As Paula says, they are "just" thoughts. You can push them aside and not act on them.
ophelia
27-11-17, 09:26 AM
We’ve got a Distraction thread right here :)
http://www.dealingwithdepression.co.uk/showthread.php?249-Distraction-Techniques
Hunni, please keep talking to us here. These are ‘just’ thoughts, you do not need to act on them ........
thanks for the link to that.
useful thread
How are you feeling today?
ophelia
27-11-17, 03:47 PM
How are you feeling today?
mostly empty, and wondering the point of my existance
I cut my arm again today, and broke down crying over nothing at all- saying all that though, I do have a small reason to smile.
I just went online and discovered that the bradshaws- complete 25 cd set is going for £130.
and if you don't know who the bradshaws are... it is a radio programme- or rather, was a radio programme about a family who lived during the 1960's, and it was about life in the north of england.
what's so remarkable about it is it's 1 guy doing all the voices
I love the bradshaws, so I really hope it's quick to arive
but apart from that... just emptyness
yeah- I have that box set to look forward too, but how I am.. it may as well not come at all
When was the last time you saw your Dr?
ophelia
28-11-17, 11:40 AM
When was the last time you saw your Dr?
friday of last week
so actually not that long ago
Have you told them how bad you are feeling lovely? Do you have a support worker you can call on?
magie06
28-11-17, 12:00 PM
How are you feeling today?
ophelia
28-11-17, 01:01 PM
Have you told them how bad you are feeling lovely? Do you have a support worker you can call on?
they know, and they are trying their best....
but hmm.
well they can only try, and it's not working
I think even they are starting to struggle... all these med adjustments and nothing seems to be the right one.
and the only people I can really call on are my support forums online- so places like this
What meds are you on/have you tried?
Have you spoken to a psych or is it "just" your GP in charge of your meds?
ophelia
01-12-17, 06:59 PM
Have you spoken to a psych or is it "just" your GP in charge of your meds?
a psych also
I'd be worried if it was just my gp... the One I have can't even diagnose simple things
paula, what meds havon't I tried
I've been on mood stabilisers, anti depressants, sleep meds, anti anxiety meds, doctor is running out of options
sometimes I feel like i'm 1 of these cases that are just.... untreatable
let's face it- when I'm in hospital, even the staff are having their doubts about it
You aren't "untreatable" I'm sure about that. Don't give up.
ETA: Sweetheart I've seen on another thread that you've been in hospital. Are you OK? Do you have support? I'm glad you've come back.... (bear) (panda)
I was considered untreatable too. I’m now on a combination of meds that keeps me relatively stable most of the time. As my pdoc said to me, there is always something else out there to try
ophelia
05-12-17, 11:39 AM
so...
not posted to this thread in a while
going through a really bad case of the christmas blues, which has triggered, among other things, a case of overspending.
on stuff I don't want
unhealthy habbit, yes, and I don't have money I can just throw around on 10 cd sets of musical styles i've never heard of, but it's helping me cope with the emptyness of another christmas alone
Sorry you're feeling down lovely... Did you ever think more about seeing if there were things you could join in with over the festivities?
ophelia
05-12-17, 02:51 PM
Sorry you're feeling down lovely... Did you ever think more about seeing if there were things you could join in with over the festivities?
I posted in the other thread (coping with christmas) about where I am on that.
not too late to find something, it is only 5th december.
but like I say... really remote area
(panda) I'm sure there's something..
ophelia
24-12-17, 04:11 PM
hi.
it's me... ophelia.
no, i've not given up on the forum
I have been in hospital (mental health reasons), so i've been unable to post for a while
I hope everyone is doing okay
I am relieved to be out in time for christmas (well I got out on tuesday night, but didn't feel able to use the computer until friday)
have a safe christmas everyone
ophelia
Oh sweetheart, I’m sorry things have been so tough. How are you doing?
magie06
24-12-17, 08:11 PM
I hope that you enjoy your day tomorrow and have a very happy and healthy new year.
ophelia
24-12-17, 08:12 PM
Oh sweetheart, I’m sorry things have been so tough. How are you doing?
honestly?
Iam just glad to be back with you, and suzy, and everyone else who visits these forums.
I have missed you all so much
I'm not doing too bad.
I had a pretty bad panic attack on friday, and felt really low during that evening
weekend's been okay though, for the most part
Hey lovely... It's good to see you. I was wondering how you are doing. Much love x
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