View Full Version : Setback *Triggers* *SU SH triggers*
Sounds like you're keeping yourself busy lovely! Do you find regular visits to Church helpful?
magie06
08-11-17, 05:20 PM
Hi there. How was today? I've been keeping myself busy all day. Not long in the door, and I still have exercises and the dinner to do yet. I might cheat and ask hubby to do the dinner and leave my exercises until later. I haven't seen Aisling since I came in the door, she has a friend over. (Probably Abaigh). So long as they're not doing anything illegal or making a mess up there I don't mind. I love picking her up after school when you get all the news from her day. I miss it on a Wednesday.
A friend of mine got in contact today and her little boy is back in hospital. He had his appendix out in October, but something went wrong in the operation and there was damage done to his bowel. They sorted it out after more than a week in hospital, but he's in again since the weekend. He now has adhesions at the site of the operation and they don't know how long more he'll be in this time. The poor thing, I feel so sorry for him. And his mum and dad, they have another 3 kids, and they still have to go to school and to childminders and be kept in some sort of normality while all this is going on.
Hey Magie!
Glad you had a nice productive day cleaning and that you've got some knitting done!
Have a good day today?
I am loving painting the pots and making chutneys. It gives me a lot of pleasure!
I've had a fab day today with my little three year old niece. We have been super busy! Now I'm on my way to visit my aunty and uncle. I also had time to pop to the hospital with some thank you gifts for the staff. Sent off my application for the homeless hostel job and had an email saying they will be in touch after the closing date on the 16th.
Went to the clinic today. New person I'm working with is lovely. Not like that horrid OT hehe!
Always busy me, Suzi! Hehe! Was absolutely flattened yesterday mind!
Orange marmalade (not chocolate orange - my mother's response to this was YUCK so I stuck to the classic stuff hehe) and tropical jam came out awesome! I've enough jars for one or two more preserve recipes.... Any ideas from one legendary cook to another? My labels came too for decorating the jars as well!
Yes, going to Church does help. It's a moment of peace and the people are so friendly and kind.
How are you today? Dare I ask what cash has been up to? X
Mood is good!
Why do you ask?
Cash is now officially CRASH... He's learning to play! It's lovely to see! Although when we popped out earlier for my nurses appointment we came home and he'd eaten a pack of emery boards - well not quite eaten all of them, but suffice to say I need to order new ones... He's also decided to floss his teeth with some wool I apparently now have finished with mid project (good job I got 2 balls!). He's also discovered he loves to chew twigs from the garden and loves to stand in the rain!
Glad things are going well lovely. Your marmalade and jam sound delicious!
Hahahahaha!!! CRASH sounds wicked fun!!
He sounds like my grandpa's old dog Dodger. My Gramp had a real sweet tooth and if would dare leave anything unattended for a second, Dodger would nab it. He even jumped up on a chair and ate a whole packet of jam doughnuts once off the table. He was a cheeky boy. I loved him! He'd chew his way through absolutely anything and everything - doors, wooden chairs, sofas....
I'm sure CRASH will settle though. He is only a pup love him!
Thanks, I'm really enjoying making the preserves. It's nice because even despite the ED, I'm making things I enjoy eating! Love spicy stuff and exotic fruits, me!
Have a great day, Suzi xx
Fun???? He's a pita! He's removed things off the coffee table and eaten a loo roll and the other half of my handmade notebook covered in sari material last night. We came down to check on him at 6 and it can't have happened for long as the yarn was still wet where he had picked it up and moved it off the coffee table where I'd stupidly left them..... No damage to them though, but this notebook and my fineliner are screwed... Good job he's cute and the rescue have stated we're not allowed to have him stuffed or curry him - we asked!
Hope you've got a good day planned lovely.
Hehehehe okay maybe not 'fun'. Endearing though. Butter wouldn't melt and all that. ;)
Sorry about the notebook though. That's not very good, love.
Hm yeah... Crash Hot Dogs....
Just decorating my chutney and jam jars this morning and finishing off my three make up pots before my little niece comes over after nursery.
Not feeling majorly well today. A few family members have kindly shared the winter lurgi with me I think. So thoughtful of them, hey? Still, can't complain. It is November now after all.
Have a nice day x
Mood is good!
Why do you ask?
Because you’ve been home for about a week (?) and, from my experience, the initial euphoria wears off and day to day living takes over. Because you’ve always said your eating issues are stemming from depression symptoms. And because you have a habit of pushing yourself to be upbeat even when you’re not really feeling that way. So I just thought I’d check
magie06
09-11-17, 12:01 PM
Hi. I think there is a bug doing the rounds here too. A rotten stomach bug, and then there is a chest infection going too. My sister got the chest infection 3 weeks ago and is on her second antibiotic for that now. She was to come to Dublin with me on Saturday but she's going to stay home and try to get better.
I gathered all that, haha!
Reason I asked was because I wondered if you were getting the vibe from my posts that my mood wasn't good when it was.
Hi Magie,
Oh dear. Sorry to hear about the bug. Bleurgh!
Hope all is well with you x
I gathered all that, haha!
Reason I asked was because I wondered if you were getting the vibe from my posts that my mood wasn't good when it was.
One thing I’ve learned over the years being involved with DWD is never to take someone’s comments at face value ;)
magie06
09-11-17, 06:51 PM
Busy until this afternoon. I've been getting my box (bosca in Irish) ready for tomorrow, for my first craft with the small children in Aisling's school. We are going to make a hedgehog with a pine cone. I couldn't find my wobbly eyes anywhere. I checked in all my boxes and all my bags everywhere in the house. I found some that would have had to be glued in, but I really wanted the self adhesive ones. I have a half pot somewhere, I had them during the week when I was getting the crafts ready for the day centre. I eventually found them right beside my chair in the sitting room. The very last place I had to look. Typical, they are always in the last place you look.
magie06
11-11-17, 06:04 PM
Hi there. I hope you don't mind it's me again. I had a lovely day going to Dublin on the train, and letting someone else take the strain as the old add used to say. I did a little bit of shopping and we got the early train home again. It was 20 minutes on the motorway home again and I dropped my sister home and got home before it got dark. Tomorrow Aisling has a practise for her show from 3 to 5. We also have grocery shopping to do and some housework to do too. Tomorrow would want to have about 48 hours in it rather than the usual 24. (Maybe that's just me).
Hope today wasn't too hard for you and that your tummy is getting used to nourishment again. Take care.
Hi Magie!
Of course I don't mind! It's lovely to hear from you.
Sounds like you're keeping nice and busy. I know the feeling of there not being enough hours in a day!
Hi Suzi,
I'm okay. A bit flat. A bit meh. Having depression symptoms I haven't had for aaaages which is weird. Don't want to get up in the morning and I can't even be bothered with the pots.
I'm exhausted. I feel like I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep for a month but I never feel refreshed from it.
Bit peed off and impatient about not hearing from any jobs yet. Closing dates are this week so I just need to be patient.
Dealing with my thoughts alone as the MH team are about as useful as a block of ice in a hot oven. I've received no support from them since my referral in January. Since being discharged from hospital, I've been told I will have a phone call next week with a date for a meeting to discuss what support I can be offered. Lots of talking about support. Erm, no support actually given though hahaha!
Still, I can do it alone. And my family are awesome. I would tell the CMHT to do one but it seems they already have!! Pa hahaha!
Getting up and out now. This depression can do one and all.
In trauma calls in A&E, doctors and nurses are always conscious of distracting injuries - eg, the open leg fracture that everyone focuses on because it looks nasty that distracts attention away from the collapsed lung itms. Maybe, your eating problems has distracted you and your doctors away from depression so it’s only becoming obvious now your physical health is improving?
Think you're right there.
Depression came first. Not eating helped me cope and made me feel 'better'. Then my physical health became the greatest concern. Complying even though it's good for me now makes me feel worse mentally because being 'thin' was to my head the only thing I had going for me. It was all about control.
Just want my mood to lift. Depression is way worse and harder than an ED for me.
I thought there was something up as you've stopped posting everyday... See I do notice things!
I think you're trying to battle so many things that I'm not surprised your mood isn't great and that you're completely exhausted... I bet you haven't done much resting and pacing since you got out of hospital either.... How many boxsets have you binge watched?
When was the last time you got out of the house even just for a walk? When did you last get in contact with any of your other mates - I mean those who aren't based here ;)
Maybe you need to find something more healthy to control?
magie06
12-11-17, 01:16 PM
Hi there. Just calling in while I'm waiting on the dinner to say hello. I hope things are a little bit better today, and that you aren't as tired as you have been. I remember what that tiredness feels like, like everything around you is made of treacle and you are trying to wade through it. That no matter how much sleep you get your body still craves more. That everyday feels like you've just run a marathon. And of course there is all the guilt - that you can't do anything you want to do, that you can't do anything you need to do and that you can't do anything you would like to do.
The only thing I can say is that it does pass. It takes a long time though, and it doesn't happen overnight. Up to last year I was getting up and getting Aisling to school and coming home and falling asleep until lunch time. And still not feeling refreshed. But I started slowly by staying up one day a week and increasing it by one day each couple of weeks. Like I said it took ages, but I got there. I even think sometimes I've gone too far the other way. I wake at about 3 or 3.30 in the morning and only doze until the alarm goes off. Swings and roundabouts eh?
Have a lovely day and take care.
Thanks Suzi.
Think it is just mental exhaustion. My parents both think I've lost weight but if that's the case it honestly won't be from trying.
I'm actually binge watching The End of the F***ing world on E4. It's oddly quite good! I next to never watch TV so it's nice to chill. I do get out every day.
I don't have any mates around unfortunately, but I'm grateful for all you lots support obviously!
Having a good focus in my life will enable me not to rely on the ED behaviours. I'm trying with the pots and job applications. Hoping to hear something back soon.
There seems to be a massive trend atm for craft fairs etc and I think your pots sound perfect for Christmas presents for teachers etc. How much are you charging? Are you on Facebook? Have you set up a page and joined some of the handmakers groups? I'm in a couple of really good and busy ones and I'm happy to add you if you're interested? What about etsy? Facebook selling groups? Do you have any pictures of them?
Are you still taking the supplement shakes? What about eating? How's it going - honestly please..
I can't believe you haven't got mates around you? You are lovely, funny, intelligent, kind and all the things that are positives so I'd have thought you were seriously popular! You deserve to be!!
How are your parents?
Hi Magie,
How was your day?
Glad the sleeping has improved with you.
Hope everything is well xx
Thank you, I will keep that in mind definitely. I'll see the response to the pots in the stall at the end of the month first. Thanks a lot!
Things were going well with the supplements. Gave myself a couple days off because I feel like crap but that's to be expected.
Thanks. Wish I had mates. I'm able to make friends easily. I just don't know anyone and have struggled to actually meet others my age.
Feel like I'm going around in circles. I want this to end and things to come right. I got to the bottom and went to hospital and now I'm out I'm just where I was before pre-admission.
I know if I hear I get an interview this week that my mood will lift. I know I shouldn't let my mood depend on that but the fact is it will.
I forgot to add! My parents, in terms of being a support, are incredible. I'm so grateful for them.
But really, they're struggling. We all are. My dad hates his job and everything is fixated on that. He can be a real misery because of it but he won't do anything about it. I think he actually kind of likes and hates the job if that makes sense?
My mother is going through the menopause bless her. She's emotional anyways, but it's more so more. So they pick at each other and snap and sulk a bit. It's never anything bad, but it doesn't take much for one of us to get stressed, upset or on the defensive.
And thanks for asking Magie, my tummy is much better now!
Are you worrying about your parents and what they have going on? Could that be a factor in your mood? Do you have lots of things planned for this week?
magie06
12-11-17, 07:27 PM
I'm tired this evening. And I don't feel like I did very much today. However, Strictly is on now and my feet are up!
Not to sound harsh, but I'm not really worrying about them. They bicker yeah, but I know they're okay really. So I don't think that's affected my mood.
Think I over-did it last week and had a suggestion of cold symptoms. Being tired always has a bad affect on my mood. Then I saw the reality of how little help I have received and am currently 'receiving' from the MH team. There's always talk of lots of support but nothing actually comes into place.
There was the huge build up to hospital, then I got through that with the support of my family and the hospital staff and you guys and my own strength and positivity, and now I'm discharged nobody is even monitoring my weight or anything. It's like three weeks of tube feeding and I'm fixed haha!
But I've accepted it's the way it is with the system. Recovery comes from within. I don't need the MH team, but can't help feel like I've slipped through the net a bit. So feeling a bit unwanted because of that paired with the tiredness has caused my mood to dip.
I've also convinced myself I won't get a job interview. Guess I just need a pick me up.
I forgot to add! My parents, in terms of being a support, are incredible. I'm so grateful for them.
But really, they're struggling. We all are. My dad hates his job and everything is fixated on that. He can be a real misery because of it but he won't do anything about it. I think he actually kind of likes and hates the job if that makes sense?
My mother is going through the menopause bless her. She's emotional anyways, but it's more so more. So they pick at each other and snap and sulk a bit. It's never anything bad, but it doesn't take much for one of us to get stressed, upset or on the defensive.
I’m dreading the menopause. Hormonal issues have always be a trigger for a MH crisis for me and I can’t take HRT as the doctors reckon that would be a trigger too. Having seen my mum go through it (twice, it’s a long story) and how ill and unhappy it made her, every woman that goes through it deserves all the sympathy in the world imho
Twice? Your poor Mum!
I think that you've been completely let down by the MH team to be fair. They don't seem to have been particularly active in getting you any help and support since you've been home and that's not good enough. Being in hospital is really tough, but being home seems so much harder - especially when the initial "I'm home and I can do this...." seems to wear off. You need and deserve better support. I hope you are fighting for it and letting your Mum help too.
If you're really tired what about a couple of rest days?
Twice, yes. She had a hysterectomy (uterus only) at 32. After a few years her ovaries decided not to bother working anymore and she went through menopause in her early 40s. But, in her late 50s, she started having symptoms again and they reckon her ovaries had decided to start working again and carried on until she got to her natural age to go through the menopause.
Ouch that's horrible!
How are you doing lovely?
Ohh I'm really sorry to hear that, Paula. That sounds like it was horrible for your mum.
I see my mother getting through it by letting her emotions out, accepting that it's the menopause, taking lots of relaxing bubble baths and eating plenty of chocolate! She can't take any tablets for it either.
Hey Suzi!
Yeah, the MH team haven't been great at all. I'm not going to fight it anymore to make people care though. I'd much rather gratefully accept the good support I have and am receiving.
I had a really busy day with my mam yesterday which was lovely but after it, I'm just exhausted! Bed at 9pm last night, slept solid until 8.30am, was up for half hour and fell asleep til Midday. Now I can feel myself falling into a nap again! If I'm tired, I let myself rest.
I weighed myself today and I'm only a few pounds heavier than when I was admitted and a little lighter than what I was when I was discharged. Which is weird. Bizarre as my head continues to tell me otherwise.
Mood is still flat as a pancake. Can't even be bothered to paint which so isn't me!
No job news yet. I need to stop obsessively looking. It only reinforces the negative feelings.
How are you? How's Crash?
magie06
14-11-17, 05:10 PM
Hi there. I'm so sorry that your mood has gone so flat. It's horrible when that happens and sometimes you don't know what will pull you out of it. If you could just try to challenge yourself to do one pot per day it might help.
I'm nervous about the day centre tomorrow. I know I'll be fine once I start, I think the waiting is worse. I'm all set, my box is ready by the door, and I don't think I've forgotten anything. I'll know tomorrow when I start.
Hi Magie,
Yeah, it's horrible. It can feel pretty bleak. I'm making myself do the pots but keep stopping and starting with it.
What's happening at the day centre tomorrow? I'm sure you will be just fine. It's good that you're already prepared the night before. Is someone going with you?
magie06
14-11-17, 07:07 PM
No Em, I'm flying solo on this one. I know a lot of the people out there so I shouldn't be nervous, but I guess there are somethings that you can't control.
Magie - I think you'll be brilliant tomorrow - you are right though, the nerves are the worst!
Em, Crash is currently in trouble as Marc caught him knee deep in our pond - in the level with the fish and where the frogs are. It appears that where Marc has just spent the last week trying to source a water leak and fixing it that we have another one and we are sure he's done it today! So.. Marc is not impressed! It's a good job he's so cute or I think he'd have been buried in the garden by now!
Hi Magie,
Hope everything goes well today. I have every faith in you that you will be just fine. Well done for being brave and going solo. Let me know how you get on.
Oh dear, Suzi! Crash IS a very cheeky boy! Haha! Hope he's behaving better today!
He's being a good boy today, even been for a run off the lead! But, he hasn't been left alone at all! lol Not sure Marc's forgiven him yet.....
How are you doing lovely? How's the painting going?
Hehehe! Bless him!
I'm okay. Painted ten Olaf snowman tea light pots and started a new craft project for the fete - filling jam jars with twelve positive quotes for each month of the year and decorating them with glitter and ribbon. Pot of positivity! Jar of joy! Something different.
Plan to make at least twenty of these. Tomorrow im painting ten little Christmas pudding tea light pots and then I'll have 30 big pots and 25 little ones ready to sell!
Had a lovely day with my mam and little niece today which was nice.
My mam checked my blood pressure which was super low so the feeling tired, dizzy and headache could have contributed to the low mood and lack of concentration on the painting recently.
Mood is still flat as a pancake. I keep reminding myself the depression wants me to stay in bed. So to beat it, I have to get up, ready and OUT! It's easier said than done but I always feel better for doing it!
MH team called today. Support they can offer me is a dietician who I'm meeting next week and then structured CBT for depression and then for anorexia. I've been promised therapy for ages and can't see that starting until next year. I haven't seen my private therapist since before hospital and the MH team don't want me to see her as well as their therapist so I'll hold off until I know what's happening. So things are a bit quiet MH support wise but I'm so grateful for the support I have had and do have around me. I'm grateful to be able to work with the dietician and therapist so will accept this help.
Think I've done pretty darn well coping on my own! Anorexia can feel very isolating but a good thing about not having people asking if I'm okay all the time is that I'm learning to stop feeling sorry for myself, to get over myself and to deal with my crap myself. Good, but tough. And probably why Im rambling away right now haha!
I hope Crash is still Man's Best Friend! Has Marc forgiven him yet lol ?
How are you doing? Hope you've had a nice day!
Still not sure he's been forgiven lol...
Today has been OK. It was the first day since my op that I didn't have to have the packing and dressing changed so we took the dogs for a walk instead lol. It was great but exhausting to me!
Sounds like you've been super busy and I love the sound of all you are making!
Hehehe I'm sure he'll win you over with the puppy dog eyes!
That's so great that you're out of the plaster! How lovely that you took the dogs out. Go easy on yourself and take things slow. I know I've been over-doing since hospital and it only has a CRASH (pardon the pun) affect! Allow yourself to rest when you need to.
Ah, I always keep busy me! Thanks. I'm looking forward to the fete now!
Unfortunately I've been up watching Crash all night, but I fell asleep somewhere between 330 and 4am, woke at 515 and he's destroyed so much. Another stapler, one of my crochet hooks, a ball of yarn, another notepad and he's found a long forgotten tube of henna hair dye and spread it all over my sofa, my chair, and so I've been scrubbing henna out of the loose covers since about 530 while Marc cleared up poo... :( He is not in our good books.... We thought we'd moved everything last night. He's find if Marc sleeps on the sofa, but we can't both go out and leave him on his own at all atm...... So today we are trying to barricade our home to try to create a gate/door on the open plan side of our kitchen........
I'm not out of the plaster - it still needs repacking and redressing but it's now every other day, but I've got some horribly sore bits where my skin is reacting with the plaster which need separate dressings too now...
Make sure you get pics of your stall! I bet it's going to look amazing!
What's on the agenda for today?
Ohhhhhh dear, Suzi!! That's awful!!
Remind me how you came to look after CRASH? Is it a temporary thing...? Hope you're okay. I know he's cute, but that certainly sounds very challenging!
Oo sorry to hear about the packing. Sounds uncomfortable! At least you can get it off every other day though. How much longer until it can come off altogether?
I am taking photos! Will take one of the whole stall, too!
Not much today. Forced myself to do five positivity pots and this afternoon I will paint the tea lights. My mood is just so damn low. I feel really alone if I'm honest. Cried a bit earlier and I hardly ever cry.
magie06
16-11-17, 01:21 PM
Oh that's terrible that you are feeling so low. I bet the crying helped though. I feel that if I can cry then I feel better for a while. I'm at a loose end now. I have to collect Aisling at 2.40, if I start a jigsaw I won't have got very far with it in an hour. I could start making my Christmas cards but again I won't have got very far. Maybe I'll just have a look online, I always find the time goes so fast when I go online. Maybe get a few presents or something.
We foster for a charity, rather than going to kennels we have taken him to also do a lot of the assessment work. He's our 11th and one of the most difficult - but it's only when he's left alone and although I am furious, I can sort of understand it too..... He's amazing for the rest of the time lol....
Hey babe, you aren't alone. We're here- I know it's not the same, but we are... Have you spoken to anyone about how low your mood is? Do you have access to a crisis line if you need it? Have you told your Mum how bad you are feeling and how hard you are trying to fight to get help?
Hi Magie,
Oo you sound so creative! What did you decide to do afterwards?
Yeah, the crying did help. Need to get it out!
Thanks everyone for being so nice.
Hey Suzi,
Thanks!
Aww that's lovely that you foster for a charity!! How rewarding!
Yes, my mum is aware of my situation. I'm thinking of increasing my meds at the end of this month and perhaps of seeing my therapist again. She was a real positive help. The low mood could be to do with feeling unwell. My head is pounding and im dizzy and tired.
Still, I made five positivity pots and ten Christmas pudding tea lights for the stall despite the low mood!
magie06
16-11-17, 06:50 PM
I started the jigsaw puzzle. It a 1,000 piece one, of a Christmas scene, and I think it's years since I've done a puzzle this size. Oldmike here does jigsaw puzzles with 2,000 pieces in them. He's better at them than I am.
Will you get an appointment with your GP and talk to them about how bad you are feeling? Are you coming down with something? Are you drinking enough?
Wow Magie! You must have a lot of patience! Sounds good!
I have an appointment booked at the end of this month Suzi. I will tell them then and up the meds.
My blood pressure was really low yesterday and again today. I'm drinking plenty of water and sleeping enough, but not feeling great physically.
I’d feel a lot happier if you could see your doctor sooner - the end of the month is a long time when you’re feeling this low.
Cheers Paula.
I know, but the appointment's set and I'm managing despite feeling rubbish.
I know what I'm missing. Firstly, it's friendship. Company. Just talking about other stuff. Boring stuff. Just having fun. I'm really trying with getting work but otherwise I don't know anyone.
The other thing is needing somewhere to off load. It's hard. I don't have any MH support around me and can't just dump my stuff on my family. It's not fair on them.
You can "dump" everything here if you want - it's not the same, but we're here...
We have a fun and games section, we're not just here for depression don't ya know ;)
I agree with Paula, it does seem a long way off when you're this low and you've got other things too. Are you still taking the shakes? What about actual food? When are you seeing someone from the ED Team next?
Thank you, that's really nice.
Seeing a dietician next week for an initial appointment then a ten minute appointment at the clinic the week after that just to make sure I'm still alive and to tick a box and such. ;) I've seen them once since hospital for a ten minute appointment that they were late for. (giggle) It's okay.
I take the shakes when I'm with family and on good days I take them totally unsupervised, but when I'm low the greedy sink gets them. That's me being honest with you. I do eat breakfast which I enjoy. Things like fresh fruit salad, a yoghurt full of grains and seeds, vitamin packed veggie smoothies and frostie bars. The rest of the day is shakes.
IT's not OK. You really do deserve much more support..
So, this past week how many days have you missed? What about building in other things to eat? What things do you like to eat? Salads? Curries? Doughnuts?
How are you doing today gorgeous?
I know Suzi, but it's not going to come from the MH Team unfortunately. Still, I'm being positive. I am seeing a dietician next week and will be having therapy somewhere in the future! And I'm blessed to have my family, I really am.
Hm. Few days here and there. It's not great, I know. But considering, I am doing really well. I will be working towards the diet with the dietician. Problem is all the foods I like are bloody low calorie haha! I love beetroot, all types of fruit, raw vegetables, but I also like smoothies and used to love sushi too. I love spicy food and like mixed beans, chickpeas and (bit random) but baked beans too. So the sushi and mixed beans are something we could work with. Avocado is good too because it's healthy but surprisingly high calorie.
I'm alright thanks. I've had a productive day. Went out all morning and now I'm doing my last ten positivity pots. My head hurts a little but it's not so bad today. Moods still a bit flat but better than yesterday.
How are you? How's crash?
Crash's bottom should come with a toxicity warning tonight... He's even doing audible farts tonight. It's minus 2 and we've got the back door and front room windows open to help us stay alive!
I think you're doing brilliantly lovely, but make sure you get the help you need - shout and scream and let your Mum help if you need it. Your family are just as lucky to have you, I promise!
I've never found any veggie sushi I like..... It's normally vile! So some suggestions would be cool. I'm a dairy allergic vegetarian, so tend to follow a mostly vegan diet so beans and rice and chickpeas a plenty! I love beetroot too - maybe you just need to make it into cake!
magie06
17-11-17, 10:05 PM
Hi Em, I'm a little bit late this evening because I finished the puzzle that I started yesterday. I'm so sorry that the shakes aren't going down well. It's very difficult for you and I'm sure your family are quite worried too. Well done on doing more pots today, and for getting out. The fresh air always helps me. I try to go for a walk every morning after dropping Aisling to school. I walk around our local park which was a gift to the people of Tuam from the church and it's known as the Palace grounds. (The palace being where our Bishop lives). It's a fabulous amenity, with a playground for the small ones, a swimming pool and a gym. Altogether there is about 5 acres in it and if I was able to walk the whole perimeter I would be well away. I only do a small piece of it when I do it but I'm aiming to add a little piece more to my walk after Christmas.
Oh dear, Suzi! Pooooo-weeee! Hehehe! Perhaps CRASH has discovered your secret stash of vegan beans and pulses and demolished them? (giggle) ;)
I think work will really help. I'll have structure, purpose, meaning, social connection and distraction and I may enjoy it too! The pots have been a fab outlet but there's only so much painting a girl can do every day haha!
The dietician will help and the structured therapy. Shame I have to wait for a job and the support but I will just have to be patient. It will be worth the wait I am sure.
I've had sushi with red peppers in it before which was lovely!
Hi Magie!
How's it going today?
Well done on finishing the puzzle! What puzzle was it?
The walking sounds lovely. I love being out in nature!
magie06
18-11-17, 07:45 PM
Hi Em. A little late this evening. I've been getting stuff ready for my craft class next Friday. We are doing a paper craft of night and day and the children have to glue some pom poms onto the blue side for the day side and some stars onto the black side for night. I've been cutting out the sun and the moon for them and I've left cutting out the blue for the planet until tomorrow.
Other than that I've got some of my Christmas shopping done today and basically been in a bit of a Christmas mood all day.
Sounds like you've had a lovely day. You sound so creative!
Nice to hear you're in a good Christmas mood, too. That's lovely!
I've been doing some crafts myself today, as always! But unfortunately, I'm not getting any pleasure out of it. Went for coffee today with my parents which was nice and I spent some time with my mother as she got some Christmas shopping done.
Bit of a quiet rainy old afternoon after that. I've been really teary tonight. I just feel really alone. My friend sent me a message today which was lovely. He lives in South Korea and has done for over a year now. We went to India together but things went sour when he had feelings for me but I didn't feel the seem. We made up since and became close friends again. I didn't want him to leave last year. I was just on the brink of falling into depression and when he left, I lost my only friend around here. He was a real good friend, too. Hearing from him made me miss him a lot. I miss just having a laugh with him. I miss the time in India and Bosnia when I was living there. I had loads of friends.
My family are wonderful and I'm able to make friends, I just can't meet anyone. So I'm in the house not getting any jobs and drinking high calorie disgusting supplement drinks with no support from the MH team feeling rubbish.
Hopefully I'll get a job soon and meet some nice people there.
I just feel like I exist at the moment. With no purpose.
My friend is coming back next year with his Korean girlfriend! So I have him coming home as something to look forward to.
Are there any support groups in your area? Do you have a local MIND place?
You sound really down lovely and I'm worried about you.
It's rare for you not to enjoy crafting... Maybe you need to do something a bit different for a while?
What about filling your time with something different? Different groups?
Why not write a list of things you enjoy and then see if you can find something linked to those things which would get you out and about and meeting new people?
The nearest MIND is twenty minutes on a bus then fifty minutes on another bus and then a twenty minute walk from the bus station for the support groups. Good idea but it's unfortunately a bit of a trek for me. I tried a group locally but it really wasn't right. I also tried a drop in place but it wasn't appropriate either. The service users were in a very different place to me with different support needs.
I am pretty down Suzi, yeah. I've looked before at all sorts of groups. There's nothing around, honestly. I used to volunteer with the homeless but met only retired people a lot older than me. They were incredibly lovely people though like the people at my Church but they are all in their 80s too! Lovely, but not the same you know?
I never met friends through work because being in kitchens I was always the only woman with loads of older men! But now I'm applying for different jobs, I'll be able to meet a different variety of people and hopefully like minded people of a similar age.
I think you're right about the crafting. I've just done so much of it that now it's feeling like a bit of a chore. I'm finishing the positivity pots because I've half done them but I definitely need something different.
The Nuns I used to volunteer with suggested I knit blankets for the homeless. That might be a nice idea.
I wanted to join the gym and go to exercise classes to meet people but physically I'm not in a good place to do that yet. I also like writing and walking.
Do you write poetry? I know of a really supportive, lovely, little group on Facebook if it helps - yes it's still online meeting people, but I've met some of my closest friends online.
PM me where abouts you are and I'll do a search if you like - I have a few friends who are in the Port Talbot and Valleys regions who may have some ideas too or we can post on the Facebook Page?
I'm also sure that you exercising is not something which needs to happen right now.
Thanks Suzi!
I sent you a PM.
Morning Paula!
How are you today?
Received and acted upon ;)
Thank you! Really appreciate that!! X
I’m good, hunni, have just some work to do today (I know, on a SUNDAY, right?) ;)
Thank you! Really appreciate that!! XNever a problem ;)
Feeling better today!
Had a lovely day Sunday. My big sister came down for the day. She has autism and it can always be unpredictable but she was really calm and we all enjoyed ourselves! Then I spent the day with my brother and his two little children and my family for his wife's 30th birthday on Monday which was lovely too!
I've been super busy preparing for the fete! It's next Tuesday! I've since completed all my 'Inspiration Jars' and now I'm filling jars with corny Christmas jokes to put on the dinner table on Christmas Day! I've made bags of 'Reindeer Food' too which is bags of oats and gold glitter for children to sprinkle outside on Christmas Eve.
I have a job interview next Monday working with the homeless charity I'm fundraising for on the Tuesday!! Really excited about that!
I had an appointment today at the ED clinic with the dietician. Drum roll, it was actually positive! I respond much better to the medical and scientific approach. I was weighed and haven't gained anything more since I was discharged. Next week I will find out when I will receive CBT and CBTE (eating disorder CBT) I will see the dietician once every couple of weeks or so. It will be good to get some psychological support though!
I'm complying with the nutrition without supervision. I've been taking responsibility for my own recovery and I'm proud of myself for this!
How are you all doing?
Well done lovely! I've missed you! I'm so glad that things are so positive. Your jars sound lovely! Well done for complying - that's a huge positive!
I’m so proud of you! And you sound so upbeat (I hope you really are ;))
Thanks ladies!
Yes, choosing to nourish myself unsupervised shows a real shift in me. I'm wanting to care for myself and move forward. I know restricting will only make me go backwards.
I am feeling better, Paula, and I'm being really positive but whilst my mood has thankfully lifted again... I'm still up and down and experiencing a real persistent flatness in the old mood. But that's depression and I'm doing all I should be to beat it!
So yes, I'm being positive!
Hope all is well with you both xx
It's good to see you putting self care at the front of everything. That is so impressive.
Me? Well, I've been worse, but I' didn't sleep much last night and so today I am grumpy and I hurt my big toe on my right foot last night - don't ask what I did as I have no idea apart from "walked on it" and it's swollen and so sore I can't put it on the ground! Strange but true...
Crash is being "den" trained for night time and when we have to go out. It's having mixed success as yesterday whilst we were out he managed to push his way out lol and last night he just managed to bark lots between 1 and 230 am, but we are persevering as we can't let his destruction continue! But he's still adorable!
Today I shall be resting and helping Marc (well "supervising") trying to sort this blinking leak from the pond - I know where the leak is, it's just really difficult to fix, but we have a starting point which has to be a good thing right?
Hope you have a good day love.
Hi Suzi! :)
Hope you're feeling better tonight. I really struggle mood-wise when I don't get enough sleep so I hope you got some time to rest and be kind to you today.
Oh dear! Sorry to hear about your toe! How is it feeling now?
Did you have much success with fixing the leak?
I had a nice day thanks. Went to Church and got chatting with a lot of lovely people there and then I went for coffee with my parents at a new place that overlooks the harbour. I spent the rest of my day crafting!
I caught up with a friend this evening. (she's the only one I have locally.... I've posted about her before. She's a bit flaky...) My mood feels flat after meeting with her. I guess I see how different my life is to hers and I feel declared by that. Not that I desire what she has in her life that I don't, it's more of a sense of sadness at the thought of time lost and how things have turned out. I guess we're just in different places and live in different worlds. Still, it was nice to meet up and be social with someone. I don't have any anxiety about socialising and I don't know anyone so I shouldn't complain!
I'm home alone this weekend as my parents are going on holiday. It will be a good test for me to take control of my recovery and moving forward. Feeling a bit bummed out tonight since the time with my friend but I'm determined to push myself out tomorrow to spend time with my little niece. I'll be glad I did when I get up and go out!
Hope you've had a nice day xx
*deflated.... Not declared!! Auto correct haha!
Sorry you're feeling a bit flat - I know what you mean as I have similar with my friends from school. Things could have been so different - not "better" just different.
Toe is sore thanks, and has turned a beautiful montage of purple and blue so getting the nurse to check it over tomorrow when I go for my dressing change.
What've you been crafting?
On your own for a weekend? You can always come and talk here, there's normally someone around if you want some company.
Yeah, it happens... We're just into completely different things too. Half the time I don't know what she's even on about if I'm honest. She purposely uses all these intellectual terms and abbreviations that she learnt for her specific course at university like I'm supposed to know exactly what she's on about. (giggle)
Oh dear! Sorry about the toe. Let me know how it goes with the nurse today!
I've been making jars full of cheesy jokes for Christmas and Christmas trivia questions.... Something different to put on the dinner table on Christmas Day, right? I've been decorating the jars with pretty labels, gift tags and fabric material. They look pretty cool!
I got out of the flat mood. I was up at six, had a good breakie, got showered and got out on the early bus to spend the day with my little niece. More crafting when I get home then!
Have a lovely day x
Have a wonderful day with your niece lovely.
Those jars sound really cool!
magie06
24-11-17, 10:40 PM
Hi there. I missed popping in and seeing how you are. But I'm back now and there's no stopping me. How have you been, how are you getting on, what have you planned for the weekend?
I was in school today and the kids had learned about day and night during the week and my craft today was a picture of day and night. There were stars and a moon on the night side and a sun and some clouds on the day side. There was a little world in the middle between the two. They loved it. And they're allowed to bring home the craft that we make on a Friday. The others they leave in school to put up on the wall. Next week we are going to make a Christmas cracker. I've got the toilet roll centres saved since during the summer and the teacher gave me the crepe paper today so that I can cut it out and be ready for next week. We have the sweets that I got on special offer after Halloween in Tesco and I got the stickers in the pound shop last week. We are all set after that. Look at me taking up your whole post again, I'll say goodbye for now and talk again tomorrow.
magie06
25-11-17, 10:59 PM
Hi. How are you? How has the crafting been going? Did you see your niece? What age is she? I bet she's as cute as a button. Being the youngest of a family of 8, I've got 19 nieces and nephews, some of them not much younger than I am. But they've all started setting down and having their own kids, and I have 4 grand nieces and 1 grand nephew. The girls are all really cute and so bright, and then little Charlie is just beautiful. He was born on Sept 1 and has just begun to notice things around him.
How are you lovely? I know you're on your own this weekend...Are you doing OK?
magie06
26-11-17, 10:02 PM
Good evening Em. How are you doing? I know you've said before that sometimes you just stay quite for a little while. I just hope that you are okay and that things weren't too overwhelming for the weekend. You were on your own weren't you? You take care and we'll talk to you tomorrow.
Hey you! How'd the weekend go?
Hello!!!
Sorry I've been so quiet all! It's been a good quiet!! I've just been so crazy busy this weekend that by the time I'm winding down I'm too tired to post anything coherent haha!
Had a good weekend and coped really well alone. Took all my food and supplements! Did a lot of last minute preparations for tomorrow's fete. I even used my supplement drink lids as moulds to make seventy hot chocolate stirrers of all different flavours! So resourceful haha! Finished crafting jars of Christmas trivia, Christmas recipes and Christmas 20 questions too. Busy!!
Just came back from a job interview at a homeless hostel in the city centre. It went really well and I will know later if I got it. Really hope I get it!
Off home now to finally finish everything for tomorrow! Popping to the Church with samples of what I've made as I can have a stall there too on the 9th December. My brother also has a lot of empty beer bottles that I'm already thinking of using to make coffee syrups and homemade ketchups and barbecue sauces! Yum!
Went to the Farmers Market in my town. It was like a crap boot sale haha! So I'm sticking to the one in the market town instead where most of the people spend more than necessary just to show they can haha!
How are you all?? X
Hey Paula!
How are you doing?
I never answered your question.... My little niece is three and a half. She's so sweet with her own little cheeky personality and she's into absolutely everything! I'm spending the whole day with her tomorrow!
Hiya Magie!
How are you?
Wow! Your crafts at the school sound amazing! You'll definitely have to give me some tips!
That's so lovely that you have so many nieces, nephews and grandchildren. They certainly keep you busy I'm sure!
Hi Suzi!
Thanks for checking in!
How are you? How's the toe? Dare I ask..... How's CRASH?
Wow that sounds so positive! Well done on the supplements! That's such a huge huge huge improvement! I'm so proud of you!
It seems that you're all set for your fete! You should make sure you get a picture of your stall before you start selling!
I'm OK thanks, rough hospital appointment, but I'm OK. The toe is getting better and Crash is settling! He's adorable and has taken to snuggling down between my chair and the sofa with his head and foot over my leg!
magie06
27-11-17, 06:37 PM
It sounds like your weekend was very busy. Can you have a look at the first few posts here and see how far you've come. Well done on all the work you've done for your stall. If only I lived nearer, I could go and support you. But hey, like Suzi says take a picture and show us all how gorgeous your stand looks before you start selling.
Thanks Suzi!
It is positive. I've come really far! Food/supplements are just fuel to me now to enable me to do what I want in life. There's been a real shift with me mentally.
Sorry to hear about the hospital appointment. I'm glad your toe is getting better. Aww that is so cute about crash! I'm glad he's settling bless him and snuggling sounds lovely!
I have a trial shift on Wednesday at the homeless hostel!!! If all goes well and I like it which I'm 99.9% sure I will, I can start full time straight away!! I'm happy. I'm really excited about this, too. It's a fantastic opportunity!
I will most certainly take some photos tomorrow. When I get time, I will upload them to show you all as well! Excited for the fete tomorrow!
Take care Suzi and have a lovely week. Thanks for your support xx
Well done hunni! That's amazing! Am thinking of you today. Hope it goes really, really well!
magie06
28-11-17, 12:05 PM
I hope you are having a great time at the fete. I'm looking forward to hearing how you got on. Don't forget the photos.
Good morning all!!
Sorry I'm only now replying... Yesterday was a busy one!!
Really glad I went to the fete. My mam helped me and my dad brought my little niece to see me there too! Selling-wise, it was pretty quiet but all the other stalls didn't make a killing either so that's okay! I'm doing the Church fete next week and have a month before Christmas to sell in different schools and Churches. Otherwise, I hope my family are ready to open some pots and chutneys on Christmas morning hehehe!! I've had a great time making everything!
Just on my way to my trial shift! Nervous but really excited, too! I will let you know how it goes!!
I just came from the appointment with the GP. Wow. What an incredibly lovely doc she was!! She genuinely cares. I've increased my AD meds for the extra lift and she was pleased about me getting a job and complying with supplements. I haven't gained any weight since hospital. Im half a kilo less than my discharge weight but she wasn't overly concerned. My body is probably just playing catch up! I have the old osteoporosis again though but it can be improved with calcium and vitamin D tablets. The doc said she had every faith in me and was impressed at how I was improving despite the almost non existent MH team haha!
Still no news on the CBT from the CMHT. They're chasing it up again. I have enough to be focusing on now anyways, so I will decide what to do with regards to that or seeing my private therapist again. I might just see her seen as she was fantastic and I will have enough money because of this job. Seeing the dietician next week and plan to drop a supplement for some actual food again.
Sorry, story of my life like hahaha! It helps to scribble all of this down, though!
What are you all up to today?
I'm so pleased for you and proud of you! You really are doing everything you can to help yourself.
Glad that the Dr seems nice and helpful. She's right, you are doing well.
Hope your shift goes well lovely.
Thanks ladies!!
Shift went SO WELL! I absolutely loved it! It flew by! They said I did really well, that they could see I enjoyed it and that I fitted in straight away. There's another person trialling on Friday (three in total) and so I will know Friday afternoon. I also really clicked with the staff. Fingers crossed!!!
Just on my way home!
magie06
30-11-17, 11:38 AM
Sounds like yesterday went very well for you. Well done. So proud of you. You've come so far and you are doing so well. A different person to the person who started here not so long ago.
This morning has been a bit busy for me. I was already tired from last night, but I had weight watchers and physio. I was supposed to be in the day centre at 11 too, but I had a phone call to cancel that over the weekend. I was a bit glad to be honest, because I was very nearly worn out last week. But I had 12 people instead of 6, and I did find it difficult to keep up with them all. I'm back to them next Thursday, and we are doing sun catchers and baubles for the Christmas tree. They said I should only have 6 next Thursday.
magie06
30-11-17, 09:04 PM
Hi there. I was hoping to get my knitting finished this evening, but I'm afraid the my arm is still sore from during the week. I hope to get my Christmas letters written over the weekend.
magie06
01-12-17, 10:17 PM
How are you?
magie06
04-12-17, 09:04 AM
Hi there. How was your weekend?
Hey you! You're very quiet... Are you OK?
Hi everyone!
Please forgive me for being so quiet! Thank you for continuing to check in on me and thank you all for caring.
How are you all?
I can't remember if I told you about my latest fete? It was last minute but went amazing! My mam was like a proper market trader, bless her! A bit like Del Boy she was hehehe! The school (which we have no connection with) gave us a donation for the homeless charity I'm now working for.
Yes..... I got the job!! Was so chuffed. Today was my first day. I loved it and they said I was a little star! I'm knackered now haha and back in tomorrow 8am!
I have another fete at my Church this Saturday, too. And I may be doing one at my brother's school a week Thursday. It would be a cake stall as I would have sold everything else by then!
Well done! That’s fantastic!
That's so amazing! You're doing so incredibly well! How's the eating stuff going?
Congratulations on the job lovely! I'm so thrilled for you! And the awesomeness of your stalls! Go you!!!!
magie06
05-12-17, 10:25 PM
It's wonderful that you got the job. Well done! And congratulations on the fete. It sounds so positive.
magie06
09-12-17, 05:56 PM
Hi there stranger. Welcome back. I hope everything is going well for you at your new job. Thinking of you. (panda)
How's the job going? And the stalls?
magie06
13-12-17, 08:34 PM
How are you? Not seen you around for a little while. I hope everything is okay.
Foxtail87
19-12-17, 12:51 AM
^ I am sorry. I posted this in the wrong thread. I am idiot.
^ I am sorry. I posted this in the wrong thread. I am idiot.
No probs hunni, I’ll delete it
Em, I hope you're doing OK lovely...
Aye, I'm alright I guess.
Just battling through the turmoil of flying high and everything going hunky dory before nose diving and everything falling apart.
Hope everyone is doing alright. Thanks for checking in on me.
magie06
20-12-17, 09:29 PM
Hi there. What's happened?
Hey you.... Spill... What's happened? Talk to us...
magie06
24-12-17, 08:07 PM
Can I wish you a very happy Christmas and a healthy and happy new year.
Hope you have a wonderful Christmas lovely lady x
magie06
28-12-17, 04:59 PM
I hope you had a nice Christmas.
Hey love. Am missing you. Hope all is OK...
Hi, sweetie, hope you’re ok
Hi everyone! (panda)
I'm so, so sorry that I haven't been in touch...
Thank you all so much for still checking in on me whilst I haven't been online.
How are you all? How was Christmas?
Happy Christmas to you all and a Happy New Year! I hope 2018 will be a good year for everyone.
I am alright thanks.
My depression is absolutely unbearable, though. I've tried three sets of meds. Clomipramine last year made me froth at the mouth and vomit and konk out asleep all the time and gave me palpitations and hand tremors! Horrid! Mirtazapine made me super happy then I had a huge crash and then I had panic attacks and suicidal thoughts. Yikes! Finally tried sertraline 50mg and increased to 100mg. Felt it actually helped and have stuck with it for over four months. Through November I was feeling it was wearing off so increased to 150mg throughout December but the depression persisted as bad as ever. I've been on 100mg this last week and it feels better but I'm still heavily weighed down by this horrible all-consuming black cloud of doom. Nothing shakes it.
Don't know whether it's worth trying ANOTHER anti depressant, something as well as the sertraline or to go with the natural pills. Feel like I need a brain transplant to take the depressed chunk out and replace it will a happy chunk. (giggle)
Confession! The homeless job was as a kitchen supervisor. The anorexia still has such a grip over me that I don't even realise what I'm doing half the time!! There wasn't another position advertised and I've had no luck in getting non-catering jobs in the past. I thought it would be okay but the 50+ hour weeks in a physical job feeding others all day but starving myself proved too difficult. I'm proud of what I achieved during my time there but annoyed that I'm back at bloody square one AGAIN!
I don't want to go back on ESA as working was helping the depression. I've applied for some shops and call centres. I NEED to break the pattern and obsession around work. Otherwise, it's just exhausting!!
I'm FINALLY meeting with the CBT therapist this Friday from the CMHT after a year of waiting! She sounds lovely on the phone. I'm also seeing the dietician today. She's nice, too. I will see her every two weeks and the therapist weekly. I'm petrified of getting weighed today. My ED is STRONG and more of a problem than I thought. I am complying for the most part but still have days when I chuck the shakes away and I haven't eaten any hot food for a whole year now.
I don't want to address it and often wish anorexia would kill me but it won't so I have been thinking if things don't improve I may have to go inpatient.
Maintenance to prevent repeated hospitalisation and tube feeding but also weight gain which means I cant really do things well like work or exert myself much is boring. I want to die but would never take my own life and it seems anorexia won't beat me either. I can't go backwards because it would be like chucking everything back in my families faces. Going forward is terrifying too because it creates awful feelings of guilt, shame, depression, anxiety, fear, self hatred and disgust. So it's a bit of a crap situation really!
Sorry for the negativity ladies! Do let me know how you're all doing.
I've missed you xxx
Christmas was lovely though and I coped well. I enjoyed spending time with the family.
So.. Why haven't you posted up till now?
How did the weigh in go?
Bloody hell it's lovely to hear from you! I was getting so worried!
magie06
03-01-18, 09:03 PM
It sounds like you've not had the best time. Glad that you were able to enjoy Christmas. You take care and pop in to see us when you can.
Sorry, Suzi.
I know I should have been in touch. I get like that when things feel tough. I go a bit quiet.
I'm still at the same weight I was when I was discharged from hospital two months back. I spoke to the dietician about the possibility of inpatient. I was totally honest with her. My weight is the same so I was personally relieved by that. I mentioned inpatient to her. She replied that it would be very expensive for the NHS and that I wouldn't be a priority because I'm not at medical risk, yet not so long ago when my weight was lower (but not drastically so) that horrid OT was saying I could collapse in the street. The dietician said that I need to be motivated if I go inpatient and want to change because if I voluntarily went and left I wouldn't get the chance to access it again. She said they wouldn't section me because I wouldn't be classed as ill enough. She pointed out that I would be with women more under weight than I who would be much more entrenched in the illness.
So what? A BMI of 13.8 is not sick enough to be an inpatient but a BMI below 15 means I wouldn't be cognitively ready for therapy apparently? I left today with the feeling of, 'Oh, so I'm not thaaaat bad'. Still, I'm looking at it from a positive perspective and not being so cynical about it all, hehe!
Think the eating disorder service only classify 'dead' as being in need of help. Sorry. Not, ahem, being cynical.
I like the dietician and she seems genuine but the fact that I told her I had wished I had died and still have feelings of 'I wish I was dead' didn't seem to mean anything. Hell, perhaps she's just tired of hearing that (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) all the time!
I don't know what I'm expecting really. A magic wand or a brain transplant would be nice, haha!
Lovely to hear from you too! How are you? X
Hi Magie,
How are you?
Thanks for keeping in touch. Hope you had a nice Christmas.
Yeah, things have been a bit tough. It's just the depression that is what's making everything so hard. I'm seeing the psychiatrist next week to discuss my meds. Think this will be my fourth and final attempt at ADs though.
Don't give up on the meds love. There are loads of different ones and different combinations to try.
Sweetheart don't go quiet again - when you are struggling more you need your friends more, and although we're separated by technological screens, I hope you'd consider us your friends. We care about you. It's important to be around people who won't judge you, but have some understandings.
You still on those shakes? What happened with your pot painting?
Yeah, I won't give up on them.
Thanks Suzi. Of course I consider you all my friends!
Still on the shakes yeah. Hate it but no point in going backwards.
I've tried on several occasions to take up the pot painting, even just last night. I persisted but stopped when I realised I was just simply forcing myself to do something i didn't want to do. I can't get any pleasure from it anymore. Maybe it was just what I needed at a different stage.
I can't concentrate on anything though. I part read books and part watch TV shows and never feel motivated to go out much.
Definitely don't go backwards! You are too lovely and fabulous and the world needs you!
Right so shakes are disgusting and I get that, can you add in some funky smoothies or something, just so you can get some different flavours which might help even in the slightest?
Please forgive me if I make stupid suggestions that won't help, but ED's are something I don't have experience with and I desperately don't want to make things worse for you! So, please tell me if I'm not helping.
So, no pleasure or enjoyment? Sounds depression like to me lovely. Are you going to have someone with you at your appointment? Mum maybe? Then she can help fill in the missing bits or maybe say things how they really are from her point of view too? I know I always went to the early ones with Marc...
magie06
04-01-18, 04:27 PM
Hi Em, as usual I've been running around like a headless chicken. I started knitting again last week and started a baby blanket for a charity here, that send boxes to maternity hospitals for people who have suffered the heartache of losing a baby either preterm or by stillbirth. The boxes have a blanket, 2 teddies, a disposable camera, and I'm not sure what else. I think there maybe a moulding clay to take an imprint of the baby's hands and feet too. It's a very difficult time in any parents life and if I can help at all by knitting a blanket then that maybe my calling. I'll knit as many as I can. I've started this blanket in 4-ply wool which is very fine and knit on very small needles. I'll get it finished sometime. (knitting)
Your advice about the shakes was great, honestly! They aren't that bad actually. I put them in coffee and mixing up the flavours helps. The chocolate ones are actually quite nice, haha!
Yeah, I know the depression is really a problem in my brain right now. I'm thinking of going back on an antipsychotic I was on before which helped me with the anorexic thoughts. They're starting to kick in more lately. I woke up this morning for instance with the words 'you're a fat sh*t and I hate you' repeating over and over in my head. I haven't had any ED thoughts like that in ages really.
And I'll try another AD med. I've felt really unwell lately and my mother thinks it could be since decreasing the sertraline. I get constant headaches that I can only get rid of by lying down in a dark room and sometimes any noises (even my poor dad just talking last night bless him) feels like it's piercing into my skull so that I just want to say 'shut up!', haha! I feel like my heart is pounding in my chest even though my pulse is totally fine and nauseous and like I need to take deep breaths - a bit like anxiety but I don't feel anxious ?? I am also sleeping loads and feel totally exhausted. My mam thinks it's psychosomatic and that I think something is wrong when it's not. Thanks for that, haha! She also said depression can cause physical symptoms. Who knows? Maybe I'm just stressed!
Mood is flat as a pancake. I've had a lot of anger though. I liken the feeling to really bad PMS which in my case isn't currently possible. I feel like I could bite the head off a nail! I've been crying more, too. It's pent up exasperation at the depression having such an impact.
I will be alone for the appointment but feel okay in this case. I can be completely honest with the psychiatrist about my distressing thoughts that way without having to say anything in front of my mum which may upset her.
That must have been so reassuring for Marc to know he had you as a support. Has his depression improved?
Ps. How is crash??
Xx
Wow Magie,
What a beautiful way to use your talent. That is such a lovely thing to do and it must be so rewarding. I'm sure it means such a lot to those who receive these boxes. What a beautiful charity.
Lovely to hear that you're keeping busy and doing something so productive too.
Xx
Depression absolutely causes physical symptoms - my depression actually often manifests more physically than psychologically
https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/clinical-depression/symptoms/
Marc's been seeing an amazing psychotherapist for almost a year now and its been amazing. It's really hard going, but it is working.
Crash is awesome, and he's staying with us for ever!
Crash is awesome, and he's staying with us for ever!
Really?? That’s fantastic!!!!!!
Yes really. Hes' never leaving us.
Thanks for the link Paula.
Yay for crash!!
magie06
06-01-18, 08:11 PM
Hi, how is your weekend going? We were in Galway this morning and I spent the afternoon catching up on the soaps from last night. I missed them because we had gone to the pantomime in Galway. It was a great show, put on by about 150 different amateur people. The script was written by one of the main characters and was very funny with a lot of local references and local jokes. It was to start at 7.30 but was a little bit delayed starting and started at 7.45 but it was over at about 10.20, so I got home again at 11.15. Tired today but I can go to bed early tonight. Not much on the telly.
How are you doing lovely?
Hey Magie!
Aww, I love a good panto! I'm taking my little niece to her first pantomime next week with both her nana's. It's an amateur one here too with all the naf local jokes and sloppy mistakes! It will be good fun I'm sure! I'm glad you had a good time.
Nice that you got to catch up on the soaps. I've had a productive day cleaning and spent the evening watching a new TV series to distract my mind from things. My sister is spending the day with us tomorrow so that should be nice.
I've been using a hypnosis tape to drift off to sleep and it's helping a lot. I'm also doing lots of stretches and plan to get myself a yoga exercise DVD with the hope it will help my mood.
I went back up on the meds again. The physical symptoms have thus subsided these last couple of days.
Today was better than yesterday but I'm still plodding along. My first CBT session went well yesterday. The lady was so lovely. I had so much anger and got really upset though!
How are you doing Suzi? X
Don't worry about being upset at CBT. Make sure you do something that is kind to you after - therapy is exhausting.
I'm better today than yesterday - that was rough pain wise and I spent all day attached to my tens machine and on max pain meds... But today is easier. It's also the first weekend without having to get my dressing changed so that's OK, a bit scary but it's being changed on Monday.. So what's your plan? I assume you're not working at the homeless place anymore? I hope you're spending time working on you and resting lovely.
Dark_Baphomet
07-01-18, 04:05 AM
It seems that in the country they only care if you're at an instantly curable level or actually dying, they won't help you if you're too bad but not dead yet.. I hate it, it's like the system is giving up on you and you don't mean anything to them. At least there is here where people actually try and help instead of you trying go get help and people saying you're too bad or not bad enough. I've found that friends help me more than councillors do because they actually act like they care and they want to help instead of just repeating what you're saying and asking you what you want them to do. Someone I know went to Finland to get better mental health care actually, apparently it's great over there, so if it gets too bad head to Finland if you like, there's some great metal bands over there too. I have never been bad enough eating wise to be considered to have an eating disorder but I have starved myself for months in the past and lost a lot of weight and it became obsessive when I was trying to be healthy initially. I find it helps to move the obsession to something else, try and find something else to focus on. Everything was calories and I could run them off like some kind of party trick, now I have no idea what I eat, i just try and make sure I have vegetables and eat healthyish. So maybe take up a hobby or something that you love and try and make that the thing you control instead, because then you kinda control your happiness I guess. Dunno if it's helpful
Hey Suzi,
Yeah, better to get the emotions out than hold them all in.
Aww, I'm sorry to hear you've been in so much pain. At least you know things are moving forward though and that the future can only mean you'll be feel stronger. Hope you feel better soon!
I'm not working there, no. I went there last week with my mother to give the donation from my fetes and in front of my mam told the manager I had anorexia and that working in the kitchen was too triggering. She told me several times to keep in touch and to let them know when things change. She said she won't put me anywhere near the kitchen! I saw all the staff there and they were lovely. The CBT therapist said on our first meeting that she could see how 'All or Nothing' I am. I did too much too soon, so the plan is to return there to volunteer slowly.
I think the first thing really is the need to sort my mood out by getting the right meds. I need a focus too, but there's little motivation. I have a new crafts idea to do another springtime fundraiser for the homeless again.
Hope you've been feeling better today xx
I am so relieved to see you write that - I completely agree with your therapist. I know it’s hard, it’s taken me years to learn how to take things one step at a time and, even now, I get it wrong. You’re so brave, intelligent, strong and you will get to where you want to be
Hey Dark_Baphomet,
Thanks for posting.
Yeah, it's a real shame that the situation can be that way with the mental health services so often.... I'm so pleased to hear you have friends around you that help. That's so positive.
I find my family will always be a better support than MH professionals emotionally because naturally they care more about me than any therapist would because of the emotional attachment. It's the same with your friends.
It's good to have a forum like this to chat with people who want to help, too, and I'm grateful for this. It's also good to off load to people who 'get it'.
Still, it is important to get that professional help where it's needed. I'm fortunate that I'm very perceptive and I know instantly who is genuine and who, erm, isn't. The CBT therapist I met last Friday seemed really lovely and sweet and genuine so that's a positive. My GP is also lovely. Are you receiving any MH support currently?
How are things with your eating and thoughts and behaviours around that now? Did you ever get any help with that?
Couldn't agree more about shifting the focus into something more meaningful. I did this last time I was anorexic and became a proper swot at school! I loved studying and smashed my exams because of it! I have a new plan to get creative and make some new produce for a fundraising stall for charity later this year. Being creative and helping others can help.
I hope everything is as well as it can be with you right now xx
Just in case I haven’t told you lately, I think you’re awesome!
I completely agree with Paula - you are AWESOME!
Awww you guuuuuuys!! (panda)
Thank you. You are all so amazing too!!! (Kiss)
Yes Paula, better to start slow and work up and sustain it than jump in at the deep end, do well and then crash. Going slower can get me steadily from A-Z whereas rushing things only gets me jumping back to A all the time to start over which is exhausting!!
Thanks for your advice. I'm pleased that you've been able to recognise this and establish it into your life. That's impressive, inspiring, positive and encouraging and shows you're self aware, sensible and strong. (clap)
Hope you're having a good day all xxx
What are you up to today? Staying warm I hope! It's flipping freezing here!
Proper freezing here, too!! Just got in and blasted myself with the hairdryer for instant warmth hahaha! Going to heat up some hand warmers I had for Christmas.
Had a lovely relaxing morning - lots of pampering and used my new electric neck and back massager whilst listening to some hypnosis and relaxation CDs. Then watched a spot of FRIENDS and did some writing. Just got back from a nice walk down the beach and up town and had a chat with my auntie. Looked everywhere for some canvases to do some painting but had no success so I'll probably just finish off my book tonight.
Quiet day really. Just working on lifting my mood.
You had a nice day? X
That sounds like a wonderful way of spending the morning. What kind of canvasses are you looking for? Amazon has loads and they are fairly reasonable (our youngest is amazingly artistic - she certainly didn't get it from me!)
My day was going ok, but it hasn't ended that brilliantly - long story. Looking forward to the new series of Silent Witness tonight!
I’m in awe of anyone who can paint, draw etc - that is so not my area of expertise. When I was studying reflexology, our homework one week was to draw a foot so we could jot down all the reflex points. Mine was so bad, my tutor told me to photocopy someone else’s (giggle)@
Yeah, it was a lovely morning Suzi! I can pop just out of my town tomorrow to find a canvas, otherwise it's Amazon for the win haha! My plan is to paint a scenic background, e.g. Starry sky with a big moon, sunset over the sea etc. And to then use pebbles (from the local beach!) to make into people. Then I can create scenes from this and even mix real sand into the paint too, as well as glitter for the sea and stars.
I'm not enjoying the art as much as before but I'm still trying to just do things in short bursts. I was doing some mindfulness colouring tonight but stopped when it got to the point that I felt I was forcing myself to do it.
Finished off my book finally! So I will pop to the library tomorrow and pick up some different books to read.
Sometimes I beat myself up and call myself lame and a loser for spending my days in this way but working hard regardless to fight against these unhelpful negative thoughts. Feeling a bit bored and struggling with ED thoughts, so planning on watching Vera from last night with my mam before some hypnosis to switch off to sleep. Day by day, hey?
Ahh sorry your day didn't end brilliantly. You always sound so positive mind you! Enjoy Silent Witness! I've never seen that before. Hope you have a good night and a brighter day tomorrow.
How is your pain today? I know you said you were having your dressing changed today.
Dare I ask about Crash Bang Wollop? Hehe xx
Hahaha, thanks Paula! I'm actually a bit crap at drawing! It's why I'm so good with acryllic paints.... Because I can paint over and over it no problem! Haha!
Bet you gave the best foot massage though, right?
I'd still love to learn more about massage. I'm really into all of that.
Have a good night xx
magie06
08-01-18, 08:58 PM
I bet you are better than you think at the art. I know when I started my last class, I was crap at drawing. In the end I was able to draw a pair of sneakers and a half decent landscape.
Wow that scene sounds amazingly beautiful!
Hunni, you are very, very far from being lame or a loser! I think you're amazing.
Silent Witness - Forensic Pathology! I'd love to have done something like that!
Thanks Magie,
Well I'm pretty good with a paint brush but have broken the only three sewing machines I've ever used and have knitted a couple of dodgy scarves haha! But learning new craft skills is always nice. Well done for giving the drawing a go!
How are you doing Magie? X
Thanks Suzi,
I'm going to make one for someone in my family who's going into a really bad depression just now. I don't know him that well but he was a nurse at the hospital I was at and he would visit me every day. He even brought me a huge framed positive quote poster. He's my sister in law's brother. I was thinking of creating the sunset and sea scene with a pebble person jumping in the air, and I thought of painting one of my leftover pots with bright colours and filling it with loads of different positive quotes and poems. Knowing I will be doing something for someone else will be good motivation to crack on and get arty! So that's tomorrows plan!
My mam didn't fancy Vera tonight so I'm tuning into silent witness! I love these kind of shows, wouldn't fancy it as a job though haha!
Yeah, I know it's just negative thoughts and what we 'do' doesn't totally define how good a person we are. Positive as ever!
Reflexology is actually more closely connected to acupuncture than to massage - a therapist works on the points on the feet, lower leg, ears or face that correspond with different areas of the body to try to help the body heal itself naturally.
I did, However, qualify as a Holistic Therapist doing massage, Indian head massage and Hopi ear candling along with reflexology.. reflexology was my love though
magie06
09-01-18, 08:07 AM
Hi Em, I'm doing okay to be honest. Plodding along and taking it day by day. Some days are easier than others and some days I'd love nothing more than to stay in bed and not have to deal with anything or anyone. But thankfully those days are generally outnumbered by the good days. This time of the year in the past has been a trigger for me, Christmas over and nothing to look forward to, dark mornings and dark evenings, Easter a long way off, but over the last few years, I've talked myself out of that. I've looked on the positive and tried to get out once in the day. I find the lack of vitamin D really sets off my depression, so I walk in the morning when the best chance of getting some sun normally happens.
You are a really kind person. Good luck with filling your pot today with those positive thoughts. If you are stuck there is a website called Pinterest that has sections on mindfulness and positive affirmations that might be of some help to you.
I think it's wonderful that you are doing those things for someone else. But as long as I've known you, you've always been about what you can do to help others - raising money for charity etc... You really are a wonderful and kind person.
So... how's your mood today? How's the shakes babe?
Holistic massage sounds lovely, Paula. Do you still practice any of it now, even just on family and friends?
I just bought myself a treat with some Christmas money. An acupuncture mat for the feet with hand, face and feet massage tools and diagrams of all the different points, as well as an acupuncture body mat and pillow!
I've had Indian head massage before and it was awesome. Never tried the hopi ear candling though!
Morning Magie!
I'm glad to hear the good days outnumber the bad and that you're staying positive. Lots of people get 'the January blues', but we have the lighter mornings, lighter evenings, longer days, brighter colours and flowers to look forward to as spring draws closer.
Popping out each day for a stroll even just a short while helps me too. Have you tried one of those sun lights people with SAD often use? Have you tried taking any vitamin tablets? Floradix are good, just check with your doc though that they won't interact with any prescribed meds.
Thanks, that is such a great site!!
Have a lovely day xx
Holistic massage sounds lovely, Paula. Do you still practice any of it now, even just on family and friends?
I've had Indian head massage before and it was awesome. Never tried the hopi ear candling though!
No, I don’t practise. The thing with that sort of work is that it’s vital to keep a protective bubble around you so you don’t take on your client’s emotions and stress. When my mental health got worse, I wasn’t able to protect myself itms and it was just too difficult to do my job. Hopi ear candle is awesome! It really helps clear things out and is surprisingly relaxing :)
Aww thanks Suzi, that's sweet of you to say! Helping others keeps me motivated.
Mood isn't bad, but it's empty. Feel detached, like I simply exist but am not present. It's a weird sense of emptiness and nothingness, like being on the sidelines. Like I don't know who I am. I get this a lot, but the mood isn't depressed today so no complaints haha!
Had a lovely morning so far with pampering, massage, hot shower, stretches and mindful colouring with hypnosis and relaxation music in the background. Spot of fresh air now before painting commences haha!
I'm still doing what I need to do nutrition wise. It's part of getting well right? I comply without supervision which is great. I feel so much better that the horrid OT isn't involved either. I still get difficult thoughts but I know the drill and im coping well.
Have a nice day! Any plans ? Xx
You are doing amazingly. It's hugely impressive that you are able to comply without being supervised. That's awesome!
Well that makes total sense to me, Paula. You made the right choice.
I will have to give the hopi ear candling a go sometime!!
Thanks Suzi,
Yeah, not the person I was before hospital admission hey? Really anxious about tomorrow because I will be getting weighed. Once it's over I will feel much better and relieved.
I painted the pot! Now I just need to fill it will lots of nice quotes. I also went for a nice walk in the freezing cold haha. I'm trying so hard but I'm not feeling any pleasure.
I feel detached. I don't feel anything. Just numb. It's so weird.
Seeing the psych tomorrow about my meds so hopefully something good will work out with that too.
When are you being weighed? Drop in here if you need it.
Well done love for pushing yourself. Do you live near the sea?
We're here for you love x
Tomorrow afternoon. My hope is that improved physical health will improve my mental health and ultimately my MOOD. But my fear is that I will gain weight but still feel like rubbish.
Weighing tomorrow afternoon.
Thanks hun, here for you too x
Let us know how you get on lovely. We'll be with you in spirit.
magie06
09-01-18, 09:58 PM
Good luck for tomorrow. You dread the scales in case you've lost anything and I dread the scales in case I've put up anything. I wish they would do away with scales altogether.
Magie,
I dread the scales because I'm terrified the number will go up! I've complied all week and tomorrow hope my mind will be at ease and see it's okay to take nutrition because I won't put on 20 stone in a week!
Yeah, I would rather just not weigh at all! We shouldn't be defined by a bloody number!
Thanks Paula. Thanks everyone! Much love xx
Stupid question, but could they not tell you? Could they just say OK or not? Could you then believe that you've stayed the same and therefore it's OK? Would that work? Could it work?
Not a stupid question at all!
That could happen certainly, but anorexia is all about control. It won't be happy knowing they know but it doesn't. Make sense? Shows it's a mental illness aye? With physical symptoms.
How are you today, lovely? X
That makes sense..
I'm ok thanks lovely. Not as sore as yesterday which is good.
Glad you're not as sore today hun.
My appointment was very positive. The psychiatrist said he didn't want me dying on them and I thanked him for actually taking notice and caring. It meant a lot to be taken seriously. My weight went up slightly but not enough to ruin my day or anything haha. I'm having bloods done tomorrow and he said if they show concerns I will have to go back to hospital to get the levels up. Unlikely because I haven't had problems before and I'm taking the supplements which provide the nutrition I need. I'm not scared about hospital anymore either. It wouldn't mean a tube!
He said if my bloods are off and my weight starts to drop then it will look like I will go inpatient, but he wants to treat me at home in the community.
He gave me an official diagnosis of clinical depression and increased the sertraline to the maximum 200mg. He said if I don't feel better in a month we can look to augmenting it with another medication.
I felt so much relief once the appointment was over! Just came back from a stroll by the sea front with my mam which was nice.
How was your day? X
That's so awesomely positive! I'm so pleased! Well done love!
Stroll by the sea? You lucky thing! Next time, take pics, get seashells and think of me! The seaside is my favourite...
Thank yoooou! (Kiss)
Aww, I absolutely will! Very blessed to live by the sea. I'm motivated to get out and appreciate it every day! (Apart from rainy ones obviously. That's more of a sit in the car and watch the waves crashing kind of day) ;)
When I was little we spent most of our summer holidays on the beach come rain, wind, hail or sun!
magie06
10-01-18, 09:18 PM
I used to live across from the sea. A lovely sound to hear the waves every morning as your alarm clock. It was the 1st thing I missed when we moved. It was too quiet around here.
No, I don’t practise. The thing with that sort of work is that it’s vital to keep a protective bubble around you so you don’t take on your client’s emotions and stress. When my mental health got worse, I wasn’t able to protect myself itms and it was just too difficult to do my job. Hopi ear candle is awesome! It really helps clear things out and is surprisingly relaxing :)
I've had Hopi ear candling! It's great! And as Paula says, gets rid of lots of potential gubbins and is relaxing too. Give it a go.
I’m so chuffed you had such a positive appointment. Well done, lovely :)
Aw Suzi! It's not a proper British holiday without a trip to the seaside in the wind and rain! Haha!
Yes Magie, it's lovely living by the sea. But there's beauty to be found in all the different types of places. I'd love to live in the countryside too!
Hi there Flo!
How are you?
Okay, next spa day I'm getting Hopi ear candling! Haha!
Thank you, Paula xx
Just came back from my CBT session. The therapist is so sweet and really caring. I worked really hard. It's surprising how draining it is! Looking forward to getting home as I know my acupuncture mat has arrived!
I got totally muddled with the appointment times today so had an hour to kill. My head just hit a blank. Used the hour well though checking out the books in Smiths and jotting them down to order free in the library....!
Off home now and hope to pop up the seafront again with my mam.
Hope you're all having a nice day xx
That's really positive! Well done lovely!
magie06
11-01-18, 04:02 PM
Your posts are really positive at the moment. You must be so proud of yourself. You are probably going to be tired after your session this morning. Be kind to yourself.
I always try my best to keep positive in all situations. It keeps us going, right? Thanks Magie x
It's not always easy though...
Oh, I never said it was easy! ;)
But it IS always possible and I really do believe that.
And that radiates through you and your posts. You are EPIC
Oh, I never said it was easy! ;)
But it IS always possible and I really do believe that.
I completely agree!
Wow! EPIC is a big, bold word! Thank you! (blush)
Well being able to feel good enough to find these real positives every day is certainly made massively easier by me having such amazingly EPIC supportive people in my corner waving pom poms, offering advice, being kind and encouraging and sometimes just listening (or in this case, 'reading' (giggle)) my ramblings! (Kiss) Thank you all.
Had a nice day today. I'm noticing a real stillness in my mind. Last night, I was sitting so peacefully and for the first time in forever I felt that I simply wasn't thinking of ANYTHING! I am never able to do this. I listened to an all-night positive affirmations hypnosis tape and woke up in a good enough mood. I like the idea that even when I'm asleep, my subconscious mind is hearing the words like, 'I am happy', 'I am confident', 'I am motivated'. Positive brainwashing at its best. ;) (giggle) (y)
Spent all morning experimenting with my latest relaxation kit! Haha! Christmas smellies, acupuncture foot mat, back mat and pillow, reflexology kit, face and head massager, electric neck massager and relaxation music playing in the background. My mother couldn't help but laugh at all this random stuff I've got. I joked with her (we have a very dry and sick sense of humour sometimes), saying 'well I kinda have had a bit of a breakdown here, mam! I want to feel happy'. Turns out, she actually loves the acupuncture foot mat and head massager. Who's laughing now, hey? ;)
This morning, I felt the same 'still mind' feeling. It could well be increasing the meds. Still, it's quite a nice feeling so no complaints from me, haha! :8)
Got all the washing and cleaning done which is always a plus and have spent a few hours this afternoon chatting on different forums and working on my CBT therapy 'homework' from yesterday. Helps knowing I'm not alone in struggles with mental health and it was positive for me to see how I responded to a negative thought by thinking positive ones instead which thus had a more productive and positive effect on my emotions and behaviour. So far so good with the CBT. (y)
Will probably chill this evening and see if there's anything good on ye old NetFlix.
Have a good weekend everyone x
That hypnosis tape sounds awesome.
You are EPIC I truly believe it!
What's your homework?
magie06
12-01-18, 08:57 PM
How are things this evening? I've spent the last few hours knitting and I got the sum total of about 12 rows knit. I'm feeling a bit fed up with it to be honest but I'm no quitter and I will finish it before I move onto anything else.
Yeah, it's great! It starts by getting you into a place where you can drift off to sleep and wakes you up gradually morning time! If it works, I'm game to give it a go! I listen to someone called Thomas Hall and someone called Michael Seaney. They're both easy to find on YouTube! I will try another one tonight.
To write three goals, the steps I can make to achieve them and on a scale of 0-10 how close I am to being able to achieve the goal. She asked me to start reeeeeally slowly. This lady knows what's best for me already, haha!
I also have to record a situation, my unhelpful thoughts and consequent emotions, rating how much I believe the thought and how strongly I feel the emotion.
That sounds wonderful!
OOO What goals have you put?
Record audibly or in writing? Maybe we can help?
In writing.
1. Get out every morning and go to Church (will help me get routine, fresh air and I always feel better for going to Church).
My steps to achieve this include -
*Setting an alarm to prevent last minute rushing.
*Going a few times initially and building up through the month.
2. Volunteer (slowly!) at the homeless hostel I worked at (one or two mornings or one full day a week but not in the kitchen!)
Steps -
*Get in touch with the hostel in a month once I've seen the psychiatrist again about my med change. By then, I will have had four CBT sessions, been on the increased dose for a month, seen the dietician and worked super mega hard at improving my mood!)
*Start slow and gradually build up. Ask about helping in the clothes store/laundry sorting donations one morning and in the needle exchange another morning, otherwise offer to help with admin.
3. Get a part time job.
Steps -
*I actually have an interview next Thursday for a position that doesn't start until the middle of February. It's a short walking distance from my house, cleaning caravans (something I've not done before and no food work!), three set days every week (good for routine), short shifts and only 12 hours which is manageable and permitted whilst on ESA.
*Be honest from the START this time about my health problems! Will make things waaaaay easier.
*If unsuccessful, look at other similar positions.
Sounds pretty realistic I reckons!
It’s great you’ve got goals but 2 and 3 are about working. Would it perhaps be more rounded if only one of your goals is work related?
They are more realistic than I was expecting from you lol....
Good shout, Paula. (y)
The only other goal I could think of for now is a more general, every day one. To 'say yes more than no'. What I mean by this, is if an opportunity to do something (e.g. Even something simple like going out with my mam shopping or out for the day somewhere, or if I am invited to do something or go somewhere or do something different, say yes!) Rather than worrying 'what if?'. This is something I've actually already started today and that I can continue on a daily basis. It will also help boost my mood and reduce my anxiety about, erm, doing nice things!
I can also start the walking to Church every day one from tomorrow.
That way, the voluntary goal can be more of a long-term goal achieved gradually.
Whaddya think? :)
Hahahaha, Suzi!
I'm (trying to be!) a new woman! (giggle)
What were you expecting me to say? Get a 50 hour job, move into my own place and learn to drive? ;)
Baby steps. I can do this. (y)
Hey Magie!
Sorry, I didn't see your message until today! How are you doing? Did you finish the knitting? (knitting)
I had a nice evening thanks. Watched three episodes of Black Mirror with my dad and listened to a new hypnosis tape overnight.
Good shout, Paula. (y)
The only other goal I could think of for now is a more general, every day one. To 'say yes more than no'. What I mean by this, is if an opportunity to do something (e.g. Even something simple like going out with my mam shopping or out for the day somewhere, or if I am invited to do something or go somewhere or do something different, say yes!) Rather than worrying 'what if?'. This is something I've actually already started today and that I can continue on a daily basis. It will also help boost my mood and reduce my anxiety about, erm, doing nice things!
I can also start the walking to Church every day one from tomorrow.
That way, the voluntary goal can be more of a long-term goal achieved gradually.
Whaddya think? :)
I think that’s a great goal :)
Hahahaha, Suzi!
I'm (trying to be!) a new woman! (giggle)
What were you expecting me to say? Get a 50 hour job, move into my own place and learn to drive? ;)
Baby steps. I can do this. (y)
Erm yeah pretty much......
magie06
13-01-18, 08:37 PM
The knitting is growing slowly. I'm taking my time and some days I get more done than others. Today hasn't been a good knitting day as we were in Galway in the morning and spent the afternoon tidying up the wardrobe in Aisling's old room. We have a lot to put into the attic tomorrow. Not sure when though, as we have a family anniversary mass in the morning.
(bear) lovely... Hope you're resting a bit and being kind to yourself...
Just take your time with the knitting, no pressure on yourself. :)
Sounds like you've had a busy day!
How are you today lovely?
Hi Suzi!
Good thanks, it's nice and cold and frosty here. Got a lot of cleaning done and just came home from Church.
How are you?
Shattered! It's Crash's 1st birthday today so it's involved presents, a very long walk somewhere new to him, playing in mud, a lake etc and there will be a special doggy birthday cake for him later!
Hope Church was good lovely and the rest of the day was positive.
S deleted
14-01-18, 09:11 PM
Happy birthday Crash. He’s so cute.
Sounds like you had a great day!!
Happy birthday, Crash!!
The amount of mud is amazing lol
How you doing today gorgeous?
Glad you had fun (happy)
Bleurgh. I'm not so good today unfortunately. New day tomorrow though and need to be out for an 8am appointment so hopefully tomorrow will be better.
How are you?
Sorry you’re not so good. Sending big hugs your way (bear)
S deleted
15-01-18, 08:59 PM
Not the dreaded lurgy?
Not so good in what way lovely?
Nah, not the lurgy. Would probably prefer it if it was though!
Just woke up feeling reeeeeally low. I get times when my depression completely takes over. It's like an outside force of doom pushing down on me. My mind goes blank, I can't think straight and I feel cloth-headed. The worst part is, it can come on suddenly and there's absolutely nothing I can do to beat it.
I just feel a bit hopeless about getting well sometimes, like it's never going to happen. I've got a long road to recovery and the enormity of how that feels in itself is enough to get me down.
The AD meds have helped to 'still' my mind but the mood just isn't lifting. So many negative self-destruction thoughts filling my head today and anxiety about getting weighed tomorrow.
Shouldn't be moaning I know, I just want my mood to improve. It started 18 months ago and from last year it just got worse and worse. I'm fed up of being fed up and not being able to beat it.
Sorry for grumping x
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