View Full Version : Venturing out of the dark *TRIGGERS*
Jaquaia
15-11-17, 08:57 AM
I booked my smear!!! That must be a gold star? (giggle)
Jaquaia
15-11-17, 09:39 AM
Ooooh! Pretty! (inlove)
magie06
15-11-17, 01:21 PM
Well done. You really are doing brilliant. Not long ago you wouldn't have been able to make that appointment.
Jaquaia
15-11-17, 01:44 PM
I'm still finding it difficult to get my head around going but it's a necessary evil. I have some diazepam left if I really struggle with it.
Platinum and diamond encrusted! :)
Jaquaia
15-11-17, 05:20 PM
Sparkly as well as pretty!!!! I prefer topaz though ;)
Philistine! Diamonds dahrling, always diamonds...
Jaquaia
15-11-17, 08:28 PM
I'm told I'm very non-traditional!
magie06
17-11-17, 10:39 PM
Have you plans for the weekend? The weather here is not promised the best but I'm going to try to get some Christmas shopping done anyway. That's why they invented shopping centres isn't it?
Jaquaia
17-11-17, 11:23 PM
I think taking it easy would be a good idea so probably just some knitting
What are you currently knitting?
Jaquaia
18-11-17, 12:17 PM
Still the scarf I started for my mum last year.
It feels like everything is hitting me today, I woke up feeling exhausted and feel like I'm wading through treacle.
I'm feeling similar today, I know it doesn't help, but it's true...
Can you plan something lovely to make things a bit better for you?
There must be something in the air :(. How are your hands at the mo?
Jaquaia
18-11-17, 01:22 PM
My hands are pretty good actually, hardly any pain at all, just some weakness in my grip. I know that fatigue is a symptom though so maybe it's that, or maybe I need my meds adjusting as my moods seem unstable too.
When's your next GP appointment?
magie06
18-11-17, 02:44 PM
Hi. I was to finish the shawl that I'm making for my mum but I did a jigsaw puzzle instead. Aisling was telling me off for not finishing it while we were in the car going to Galway this morning. I still have 37 days to finish it! (knitting)
Jaquaia
18-11-17, 03:01 PM
I haven't got one booked Suzi. It's maybe something I need to consider if things don't improve
Are you still keeping a mood diary?
Jaquaia
18-11-17, 05:51 PM
I do forget a lot as I have so much to keep track of
magie06
18-11-17, 07:47 PM
I've gone so bad with my mood diary that I think it was June since I last wrote anything in it. Maybe I should get back to it.
I've not been doing mine either... Maybe we could all make a concerted effort to do it ;)
Jaquaia
19-11-17, 09:05 AM
I may need some nagging
Apparently I'm quite good at continued and repeated reminders.... ;)
Jaquaia
19-11-17, 09:33 AM
I've noticed ;)
;) I shall take that as a compliment!
Jaquaia
19-11-17, 09:42 AM
Mornings are getting hard again. I've been lying here for 2 hours already. It's annoying as I had a lovely evening.
What in particular is hard? Motivation, pain, fatigue?
Jaquaia
19-11-17, 09:55 AM
I'd say it's fatigue.
Then maybe a rest day is in order. Are you still doing the bead pictures?
Resting definitely. Or doing something that makes you happy...
Jaquaia
19-11-17, 10:30 AM
*giggling like a naughty schoolgirl*
I'm supposed to be going to see my sister, not seen my niece in a few weeks. I need to crack on with this scarf! I need to buy some more bead pictures Paula! Not done one in ages!
(bear) hunni, have you done your basics such as a drink and medicine and food ?
Jaquaia
19-11-17, 12:38 PM
I've had food and meds. I do need to grab a drink
So... something to make you happy...
Jaquaia
19-11-17, 02:55 PM
I'm actually the happiest I ever have been right now. I just need something to keep me occupied.
Had cuddles with my gorgeous little lady and got my birthday pressies early from my sister. I do have to admit that what she got me from my niece brought a tear to my eye. I will post a pic!
Sounds like a good day upto now hunni xx
I love that you’re happy :)
Jaquaia
19-11-17, 04:13 PM
It's been a very long time coming :)
OldMike
19-11-17, 05:16 PM
I'm so glad you're a happy bunny :)
I'm actually the happiest I ever have been right now. I just need something to keep me occupied.
Had cuddles with my gorgeous little lady and got my birthday pressies early from my sister. I do have to admit that what she got me from my niece brought a tear to my eye. I will post a pic!
This is one of the best posts I've ever seen!
Jaquaia
20-11-17, 10:15 AM
Bit of a flare up today! It doesn't help that it's cold and wet I suppose. Feeling a bit out of sorts as Ash has decided to text me and tell me how much he's missing me.
Oh ffs! Please don’t answer him or, if you do, tell him you’re in a relationship. Please
Jaquaia
20-11-17, 11:12 AM
He knows. I told him ages ago. Don't think he likes that I've moved on as there has been some guilt tripping, which has put me on edge and made me very easily triggered by something I've just seen on fb. I've just had to stop myself scratching at my arm, I don't want to go down that route again. At least I see J this afternoon, I feel so safe with him.
At least I see J this afternoon, I feel so safe with him.
And that is why you’re with J and not Ash. Keep reminding yourself of that
Oh hunni, don't let him have this control over you. Do you want to talk about the trigger?
Jaquaia
20-11-17, 12:29 PM
And that is why you’re with J and not Ash. Keep reminding yourself of that
I remind myself every single day how lucky I am, added bonus of just being in the same room as him calms me.
Oh hunni, don't let him have this control over you. Do you want to talk about the trigger?
It was actually the domestic abuse post you shared on fb Suzi. I have no idea why it affected me like it did! I think I just wish there were more posts like that around when I met dickhead.
Sorry.... I had a similar reaction - I meant to add a trigger warning, but got sidetracked.
Jaquaia
20-11-17, 01:13 PM
Don't be sorry! If it helps just one person avoid what I went through then it's worth it (panda)
Jaquaia
20-11-17, 01:44 PM
I've ballsed my meds up! I've only taken the folic acid today too. Oops! Not sure why I did that!!!
Ah! Have you taken them now? Take it easy if you can
Jaquaia
20-11-17, 04:26 PM
I shouldn't take the folic acid at all on methotrexate day. No idea why I messed up
Because you’re human :) How ar3 you feeling?
Jaquaia
20-11-17, 05:26 PM
Pretty emotional and very very loved right now :)
But if you mean physically, fine. I made a point of eating ;)
Have you spoken to someone about taking the folic acid too?
Glad you're feeling loved. That's important...
Jaquaia
20-11-17, 09:00 PM
I've looked it up, it just reduces how effective the methotrexate is. It's really not like me to mess up like that!
Currently laid reading my birthday pressie from J :)
Have I missed your birthday?
Jaquaia
20-11-17, 09:02 PM
I got it early! :)
That's OK then.... What did he get you?
Jaquaia
20-11-17, 09:32 PM
Rik Mayalls autobiography. He's really impressed me actually. I mentioned it once a few weeks ago and he remembered and tracked a copy down.
Awesome! That's so lovely!
Jaquaia
21-11-17, 09:11 PM
Had a fab afternoon with Stella! She's just this minute left!
So glad you had a good time! ;)
Glad that you had a good time hunni x
Jaquaia
21-11-17, 10:17 PM
She's killed my dog though (rofl)
S deleted
22-11-17, 01:50 AM
She's killed my dog though (rofl)
Ahem, I did nothing of the sort. I can’t help being so exciting and lovable that her tongue and tail barely stopped moving all day.
Jaquaia
22-11-17, 10:47 AM
Woohoo!!!! I've lost 2lbs since last week!!!!!
Jaquaia
22-11-17, 10:58 AM
I was at my heaviest in July! I've lost 16lbs since then (party)
That’s truly incredible. Really proud of you :)
Wow! That's amazing! Well done!
Jaquaia
23-11-17, 10:23 PM
Today has been difficult, very up and down and I have no idea why. I've found myself with tears in my eyes a few times. It's been driving me crazy.
You’ve had a busy few days, it’s going to have an impact so please don’t beat yourself up about it. Big hugs, lovely
Be kind to you! Acknowledge that you've had your birthday as well as "normal" day to day stuff. It's going to have an impact.
Jaquaia
23-11-17, 11:10 PM
It doesn't help that I'm now flaring either. Still, I get to see J tomorrow :)
(bear) I'm in flare too right now. I sympathise completely.
Jaquaia
24-11-17, 08:39 AM
I need to go and buy some ibuprofen really, especially as it's getting colder.
I can't take that as I'm on other anti inflammatories..
magie06
24-11-17, 11:22 PM
It's lovely the way J can put a smile on your face. It's lovely to read the smile in your posts. Keep smiling.
Jaquaia
25-11-17, 02:30 PM
I smile a hell of a lot now magie, and I can't see it stopping anytime soon :)
magie06
25-11-17, 07:42 PM
That really made my day. I really admire you. Did you have a nice day?
Jaquaia
25-11-17, 07:53 PM
Met the brothers new girlfriend tonight, it actually just served to make me feel really lonely for some reason. Just putting today down as a huge wobble. I think the lows feel worse because I feel happy most of the time now itms?
magie06
25-11-17, 08:05 PM
(panda)
It's hard to meet new people, but you've done it. The hard work is now done. You'll never meet her again for the first time so next time will be easier. Think of the next time you will see J, how that will make you feel. And learn from that.
Oh hunni, I'm sorry you're feeling lonely lovely. I wish I could make it all good for you xx
Jaquaia
25-11-17, 08:41 PM
Mood swings are definitely affecting me. I need to get them all written down off here and take it to my gp.
I'm glad you're going to do that lovely. It's so important.
magie06
25-11-17, 11:07 PM
Has your mood diary come out yet? It's a great idea to write down how you are feeling. I was a bit lax with my own diary but I've got back into the swing of it again. In fact on my tracker for weight watchers I make note of my mood every day, because if your mood is low the food will go astray and you end up eating more.
magie06
26-11-17, 06:27 PM
How was today for you?
Jaquaia
26-11-17, 06:52 PM
I've plodded today, it's been so hard to get going. Took me a couple of hours to get out of bed. I got out of doing the Christmas cakes as my dad did them, or so I thought as he seems to have killed them!!! So I have those to make again. But I have finally finished the scarf for my mum!!!!
magie06
26-11-17, 06:56 PM
That's great news. I have been making a shawl for my mum and had it all but finished, but I wasn't happy with it. I ripped it all back and started again last week. I'm almost there again now. I hope I haven't made as many mistakes this time.
How can you kill cakes? ;)
Well done for finishing for your Mum. What did he do to the cakes?
Jaquaia
26-11-17, 08:42 PM
How can you kill cakes? ;)
He dropped one on the floor and for some reason known only to him, he doused one with brandy and put it on a plate. Aforementioned cake stuck to plate and transfering it to brown paper to store was a failure of epic proportions!!!
magie06
26-11-17, 09:58 PM
(rofl)
My nieces were both home from England this weekend. They decided that they would have a couple of drinks at home before heading into Galway. They 'borrowed' a bottle of gin from my dad's house before setting off. When they opened the bottle they only discovered that it wasn't gin when they drank the first of their drinks for the night. It was poteen (an Irish alcoholic drink made from fermented potatoes), and is absolutely disgusting. It numbs your mouth when you drink it. Horrible!!!! But the girls had a great laugh about it today even though they both had hangovers. They are great and it's lovely that they get to see one another once every 4 weeks or so. It's almost like the old days when they used to call to me and help me do the house work before we'd go to the cinema or shopping or something.
That's brilliant!
Well done Jaq's Dad! Those are epic issues (I've never done anything similar honest gov....)
Jaquaia
27-11-17, 08:37 AM
Yeah but now I have to make the replacements
You could just do that to safe your own spoons?
Jaquaia
28-11-17, 12:01 PM
My dad would only make it himself again and then I'd feel bad so I might as well just suck it up and do it.
At the docs with my mum this morning, already running 20 mins behind! And hospital this afternoon. I already feel exhausted.
magie06
28-11-17, 12:02 PM
You have a very busy day there. I hope you have resting pencilled in too.
Jaquaia
28-11-17, 04:58 PM
I feel absolutely shattered. Been at the hospital most of the afternoon with my mum. The rheumatology nurse was running late then the appointment took ages because she had to check things with the consultant. Then I had to take her to have steroid injections in her wrist, then up a floor for a chest x-ray. I did manage to fit in a phone call with J after his counselling session, which was nice! But I think I've pretty much reached my limit today.
Then I hope tomorrow is a rest day. Please, hunni
Jaquaia
28-11-17, 06:53 PM
I had to really concentrate to do my mums meds for the next week.
Not completely Paula. I have counselling in town and then I'm meeting J after he finishes work. I have strict orders from him that I'm to go sit in a warm coffee shop and relax and maybe write while he finishes.
Sounds like he wants the best for you lovely. Sorry it was a tough day. Make sure you are kind to yourself tonight.
Jaquaia
28-11-17, 08:53 PM
He does, it's part of what I love about him, he's more concerned about me then he is himself and will do everything he can to make sure I'm ok.
I just about managed a shower! I should get dried and blow dry my hair but it all feels like too much effort right now.
Sod the blow drying... Get some rest!
Jaquaia
28-11-17, 10:13 PM
It's done now. It would just annoy me if I didn't do it. I think I'm well out of spoons now, having to argue with my mum at the hospital over how much she's smoking certainly didn't help.
Oh that must have been horrible!
How are you feeling today?
Jaquaia
29-11-17, 12:10 PM
In the hour between collecting my dad from work and when I pointed it out, she had 5 cigs. Luckily my dad backed me up as she denied it and insisted it was less.
Just got out of counselling! My counsellor is awesome and has got me the extra sessions :)
How are you feeling today?
Tired! Going for a hot chocolate as soon as my leg stops cramping
Yay! For extra sessions :)
Jaquaia
29-11-17, 02:00 PM
Just waiting for J to finish work :) looking forward to the hugs!
Glad you've been honest with her and that your Dad is backing you up.
So pleased you got the extra sessions.
Enjoy the hugs..
magie06
30-11-17, 03:51 PM
I hope today was a rest day for you. You've been on the road all week.
Jaquaia
30-11-17, 04:12 PM
I was up and dressed before 8 ready for the shopping delivery. I got ID'd as there was beer on the delivery, which was funny. Then I got bored and felt really on edge, so I stripped and remade the beds, washed the bedding and folded and put it all away, dehuskyfied my throw as husky fur takes forever to get rid of, hoovered my room, then gone with my mum to get my dad from work. My mood started quite high this morning and has sunk quite quickly, so I'm now struggling and feeling really flat.
I've bitten the bullet and booked a drs appointment for tomorrow morning.
I'm glad you've got a Drs appointment booked, is your mood diary up to date?
Jaquaia
30-11-17, 05:21 PM
I need to do that tonight, although the doctor I'm seeing is the first one to suggest referring me to a psychiatrist years ago as the first 3 meds hadn't touched me. I like him, I just really need to.focus as he has a thick accent and can be difficult to understand.
magie06
30-11-17, 05:28 PM
You need to learn how to pace!!
You need to learn how to pace!!
So true, you do have a inclination towards a boom and bust way of living ;). Seriously, lovely, you could do with learning how to switch off ...... but I know you know that (Kiss)
Jaquaia
30-11-17, 07:25 PM
I don't actually see it!
Tomorrow is doctors, shops with the mother, then town to meet J, (who by the way, has also started telling me that I need to rest!) and he will make me actually stop! So tomorrow afternoon will be spent cuddled up to him watching the last 2 episodes of Game of Thrones series 3!
magie06
30-11-17, 08:53 PM
That sounds like a perfect way to spend the afternoon. However your morning needs work!! ;)
I agree.. PACING Miss Please..
Jaquaia
30-11-17, 09:55 PM
I don't really have a choice. We've had a load of snow today and need stuff from the shops. With my mums mobility like it is she can't really go on her own.
Jaquaia
01-12-17, 08:48 AM
We have no bread in. I wish it could. And I need to get up as I'm at the doctors in just over an hour.
On the plus side, J is finishing work early :)
How are you lovely? How'd it go at the Drs?
Jaquaia
01-12-17, 09:51 AM
Just on my way there now! I'm tired. Been awake off and on since half 4
I sympathise. I had a shocking night and a nurses appointment at 9! Hope it goes well lovely.
Jaquaia
01-12-17, 10:20 AM
He's increased my dose to 40mg and said to go back in a month. He's said about referring me to a psychiatrist of this doesn't work.
How do you feel about that? Are you happy with the change? Have you had a lovely time with J?
Jaquaia
01-12-17, 06:01 PM
To be honest I was scared he would suggest me stopping them with more then 1 doctor insisting there was nothing else I could try.
Had a wonderful time with J :) I always do! He finished work early so we had extra time together and spent it just cuddling up watching Game of Thrones and talking and teasing each other. I feel so peaceful and relaxed when I'm with him, missing him already.
(panda) I love that he makes you happy.
Jaquaia
01-12-17, 06:53 PM
I honestly don't think I've ever been this happy. :)
That's lovely. I hope he knows how lucky he is to have met you...
Jaquaia
01-12-17, 10:04 PM
He tells me all the time how much I mean to him and how lucky he feels to have me in his life :)
magie06
01-12-17, 10:24 PM
That is so romantic.
Jaquaia
01-12-17, 10:52 PM
He is a huge romantic at heart magie. I don't have any doubts at all :)
magie06
01-12-17, 11:17 PM
That's so cool.
He's said about referring me to a psychiatrist of this doesn't work.
Finally, a doctor willing to offer you the extra help :)
Jaquaia
02-12-17, 09:23 AM
He referred me years ago when the first 5 lots of counselling and 2 meds didn't help. All I got was a phone assessment and more counselling offered.
Maybe this time he'll try pushing a bit harder?
Jaquaia
02-12-17, 12:23 PM
I still think that any referral will be blocked by the CPN's and I'll be told I'm not ill enough yet again!
Struggling today. I feel like I'm swimming through treacle and everything is taking a huge effort.
I'm swimming in treacle too love so I sympathise. I've got old crappy clothes on and fingerless mits..... I wish I could take your struggling away from you love. Are you seeing J at all this weekend? Is your mood linked to whether you are seeing him?
Jaquaia
02-12-17, 01:04 PM
He generally can't get away on a weekend. Seeing him Monday though. I don't think my mood is linked to him as I was struggling yesterday too, and Wednesday was tough. Those days were slightly easier though as he was there to hug me and I find that just his presence can calm me.
magie06
02-12-17, 04:31 PM
I bet you are really looking forward to Monday. It's funny, but my friend that I would meet regularly for coffee has met someone too. She is completely smitten and he seems to be good for her too. I met up with her last week, and she had a big smile on her face. She just couldn't stop smiling, and he can't do enough for her. There must be something in the air!! (inlove)
Jaquaia
02-12-17, 06:26 PM
I really am, he's struggling too today so I think we both need it.
magie06
02-12-17, 08:02 PM
Monday won't be long coming round again. Just over 24 hours and it will be here. Watch strictly to take your mind off things for now.
Jaquaia
02-12-17, 09:06 PM
I never watch strictly, never have. I'm currently sat listening to the radio while I wrap Christmas presents and getting very agitated. Finding it very hard to sit still and I am very, very irritable
Wrapping Christmas presents? I haven't got any really yet...
Jaquaia
02-12-17, 11:03 PM
I've had to stop. I almost cut myself as I wasn't concentrating properly. Even my friend has commented that I don't seem myself today so it must be obvious if he can tell online.
How are you doing today love?
Jaquaia
03-12-17, 11:00 AM
It's taking me ages to get going, I didn't fall asleep until nearly 3am, was awake by half 8 and only just managing to get dressed. To top it off, I have a sinus headache, even my glasses feel uncomfortable on my face.
I didn't know you wore specs, I've never seen a picture of you with them on!
Hope that today brightens up for you. I'm sorry you didn't sleep well lovely x
Jaquaia
03-12-17, 01:06 PM
Erm...I have them on in my fb profile pic! (giggle) I need my eyes testing really, which probably isn't helping. I can't read a licence plate at half the required distance so driving needs to be put off a bit! Of course J makes a joke of it and begs me not to get new glasses as I won't want him if I can see him properly!!! Muppet (giggle)
I'm annoyed now too, just checked my bank and Yorkshire Water have continued taking money even though my debt is paid off and they've already refunded me an overpayment. They owe me £80 so have to sort that out tomorrow.
OldMike
03-12-17, 03:06 PM
I didn't know you wore specs, I've never seen a picture of you with them on!
Hope that today brightens up for you. I'm sorry you didn't sleep well lovely x
Suzi check out Jaq's FB page she looks a hot mama in those specs ;)
D'oh! Of course you do! They really suit you! Sorry....
Jaquaia
03-12-17, 06:10 PM
I'm absolutely heartbroken for my friends tonight. Their son passed away in his sleep, he was only 19
Oh hunni am so sorry xx(panda)
OldMike
03-12-17, 06:58 PM
I'm so sorry Jaq it must be such a shock for his parents.
Oh Jaq I'm so terribly sorry. There just aren't words.
Jaquaia
03-12-17, 11:12 PM
My head is a very dark place tonight and how low I am has been commented on a few times. I just don't know how to pick myself up. I'm feeling very fragile and a little broken
magie06
04-12-17, 09:09 AM
It's not surprising that you feel fragile at the moment. You've had a shock and it is going to affect your mood. Take things easy, go to church if you think that will help, maybe light a candle and say a prayer for that boys parents and your friends. You don't have to tell them that you are doing any of this, when I do it, I find it's more for me. Be kind to yourself today, do nice things, call J and talk to him. (panda)
Anyone would be feeling fragile after that sort of news. Please take it easy today, hunni
Jaquaia
04-12-17, 10:47 AM
The only plan I have is to meet J from work then we're coming back andbstarting series 4 of GoT.
Jaquaia
04-12-17, 05:27 PM
I'm feeling a lot calmer now I've seen J. We've had a giggle, talked about a few things and he's given lots of hugs. We're even planning on a night out in York next May! The Bluetones are playing in York and he's offered to go with me as I've wanted to see them live since I was 18 :)
(panda) lovely, hope today has brightened up a little....
Jaquaia
04-12-17, 06:25 PM
It's a lot brighter :)
magie06
06-12-17, 01:32 PM
How are things? You've been quiet over the last couple of days.
Jaquaia
06-12-17, 04:24 PM
I've had a rough few days but having no side effects from the dosage increase so far, which is good. J has just left and seeing him again on Friday, which I'm looking forward to already. Apart from when I'm with him I feel numb or irritable, he has a very calming effect on me.
Almost finished my Christmas shopping and it's all wrapped too apart from a couple that need gift bags. Had an appointment this morning with the weightloss team and even I could tell how dead my voice sounded and absolutely dreading my appointment tomorrow.
magie06
06-12-17, 05:43 PM
(panda)
Oh lovely (bear) I am sorry you're not feeling great between seeing J - that worries me that your mood is so linked to him..... Can you keep an eye on it and keep it marked in your mood diary?
Jaquaia
06-12-17, 10:30 PM
I don't think it's so much linked to him, more that he makes me forget when I'm feeling rough. Sometimes a hug makes all the difference and other then my niece, he's the only person I can really stand hugging me.
The last few days haven't been helped by broken sleep, the worry of the weightwise appointment today after how the last one went, dreading my smear tomorrow, my mum not really listening to me, (I mean how many times can I say I aren't a fan of minted lamb???) my sis making constant digs at my mum and upsetting her, and I've noticed signs of her being awkward with me too!
Do you want to talk about why you’re so worried?
Sounds like you've got loads on your mind hunni, I can understand why you're feeling crappy with all that going on.... What time's your appointment tomorrow?
Jaquaia
06-12-17, 10:52 PM
3pm Suzi. I have 2 diazepam left if I need them.
Paula, about the weightwise appointment or tomorrow? I was worried about this morning after getting upset over her lack of support last time. I'm worried about tomorrow because of the assault earlier this year, the smallest bit of pain there makes me freeze and remember it at the moment.
I'll be with you in spirit lovely. But it's totally understandable you're finding it difficult. Could you tell the nurse before she starts?
Jaquaia
07-12-17, 09:43 AM
I can try, not sure if I'll manage though.
What about writing it down and handing it to her?
I thought that was the case but didn’t want to assume, on both counts. I’m so proud of you for saying what you’re feeling (bear)
Jaquaia
07-12-17, 05:36 PM
2 diazepam and narrowly avoiding a full blown panic attack and it's all over an done with. Relaxing enough was a struggle.
Feeling tired and a bit uncomfortable now.
Well done, you amazing woman!
I am SOOOOO proud of you! I hope you're resting tonight. Did you tell the nurse why you were anxious?
Jaquaia
07-12-17, 06:32 PM
I have to admit that I didn't. I tried to concentrate on my breathing and spent a lot of time focusing on the ceiling!
Well done for getting through it lovely.
Jaquaia
07-12-17, 08:56 PM
Showered so nice and clean again, and my mum and dad bought me some new pjs as a treat for shifting a stone, they're blue and have Winnie the Pooh and Tigger and glitter on them! yay!!! But have to admit I'm feeling pretty out of it at the moment. Dunno if it's spaced out or feeling detached or what but I am definitely not completely with it tonight! Whatever "it" is.
Anywhoo!!!! Stella was awesome today taking my mind off it despite feeling crappy herself. Love her to bits! Ta mate. It really helped.
magie06
08-12-17, 11:44 AM
Hi there. Well done for getting through yesterday. You did so well and I'm sure it's a relief to have it done now. You don't have to go again now for another 3 years. And you got it done at a very busy time for yourself. Well done.
Jaquaia
08-12-17, 12:12 PM
Well.... I have big news!!!!
First the exciting stuff. The parents are paying for my Bluetones tickets as a Christmas present! Yay!!!
And the big stuff is....
I've just registered on a BSc (Hons) Psychology with Counselling through the OU and even applied for a student loan!!!
magie06
08-12-17, 01:09 PM
WOW!!!!!!
Those are awesome! Fantastic!
magie06
10-12-17, 01:22 PM
Hi, did you have snow?
OldMike
10-12-17, 02:43 PM
Brilliant Jaq, go girl that's fantastic news (bear)
Jaquaia
10-12-17, 05:00 PM
No snow magie, but I do have the tree up. I just wish my dad would shut up and stop talking to me. I just want to be left alone now. Trying to watch the football, I feel mentally exhausted and he's been drinking most of the day so is repeating himself and I just can't deal with it.
magie06
10-12-17, 06:24 PM
I hope you were able to watch your football.
Our snow has now frozen over and the roads outside are just dreadful. They hardly have enough time to grit the main roads, that the roads into the estates are always left out. I hate the thought of bringing Aisling to school tomorrow. I know I can leave early but I'm afraid of having a skid.
Jaquaia
10-12-17, 07:26 PM
I couldn't focus, ended up playing on my phone
magie06
10-12-17, 07:38 PM
I hope you enjoyed your game!!
How did the rest of your day go?
Jaquaia
10-12-17, 09:59 PM
I've tinselled everything I could, have lights up everywhere, have walked more than 60 metres around the tree just doing lights and tinsel, have had to deal with my dad drinking a fair bit and them both smoking like chimneys, him wittering on at me non stop, have changed my bedding, showered, had no time really to do anything for myself or even just rest!!! Not to mention that Ash started texting. So I've been on edge most of the day and very tense, my jaw aches from clenching it, starting with a tension headache, still on edge and my chest feels tight and just utterly exhausted.
Block Ash. He's never going to do the right thing and put you first or treat you like a princess.
Hope today is easier and brighter for you.
I agree with Suzi, block Ash. You do not need him in your life.
Fantastic news about the OU! Well done (party)
Jaquaia
11-12-17, 11:25 AM
That's only if I get the funding in place, Student Finance don't seem to know it's one of the subjects included in the list of degrees eligible for funding as a 2nd degree! Fingers crossed. If not, I've decided that I am definitely doing level 1 Counselling.
Just heading into town to meet J from work. It's been a much more peaceful day so far :)
Glad it's a good and peaceful day lovely x
magie06
12-12-17, 11:54 AM
Morning. How are you today?
Jaquaia
12-12-17, 01:12 PM
Headachey and can't be bothered with anything. Leaving for my rheumatology appointment soon and got blood tests in morning too. Although J is off work so we should get a bit more time together tomorrow! Except my dvd player has died so no GoT ;( still, I've had it 17 years so can't complain too much!
Have you been drinking enough?
Jaquaia
12-12-17, 04:33 PM
Probably not! It's not helped by me clenching my jaw either!
Saw my consultant today, she's pleased with the difference the methotrexate has made as their was only swelling in 2 joints, but because my hands aren't completely back to normal she's increased the dose to the top dose. With it being near Christmas, she's leaving me on tablets but she's warned me that a lot of people feel sick on the top dose. I'm back in the clinic in January and if I'm struggling with sickness I will be put onto injections. It will be hospital every week for 4 weeks to learn how to inject myself, and then everything will be delivered for me to do it at home.
your Consultant sounds great and it’s fab the swellings getting there (odd phrase, sorry)
Jaquaia
12-12-17, 06:40 PM
It's such a huge difference! And she's given me a hand written form too to hand in to my doctors so I don't have any messing around getting the extra medication I'll need
OldMike
12-12-17, 06:54 PM
Just been catching up on your posts Jaq looks like your consultant is really on the ball. (bear)
I'm so glad that things are heading in the right direction lovely. Make sure you get some anti sickness tablets from the dr if you need them too lovely.
Jaquaia
12-12-17, 09:00 PM
She's said that if I have problems with 25mg I'm to go back down to 20mg and get in touch with them so they can get the injections organised.
It's good that you have that in place lovely.
magie06
13-12-17, 10:07 AM
Morning. How are things going? All set for Christmas? Have you been busy and wrapped the presents and written the cards. Did you get those cakes remade?
You're quiet lovely, you OK?
Jaquaia
13-12-17, 02:14 PM
I've spent most of the day with J today so I'm really good, apart from I'm missing him already. Sad I know.
Magie, my dad remade them! Presents are all bought and wrapped, just got to buy a frame for my dads and get it wrapped. And got my cards to get written out and posted and I'm all done!
Well done love!
Glad you've had a lovely day!
magie06
13-12-17, 03:22 PM
Well done. If Christmas was tomorrow you'd be all set.
So glad you’ve had a good day :)
magie06
14-12-17, 05:32 PM
Just dropping by to say hello.
magie06
16-12-17, 03:33 PM
Hi. How are things? You've been quiet this week. I hope things are okay for you.
Hoping you're OK lovely..
Jaquaia
16-12-17, 09:00 PM
I've been up and down again, so much so that on Thursday J drove the long way home from work so he could call me and try and find out what was wrong, and then called me later on that night too, spent almost 2 hours on the phone in total just to make sure I was ok. Had a long appointment with my mum on thursday too which didn't help. Seriously thinking about rearranging counselling next week just so I get a week with nothing planned except chilling with J and getting things sorted for christmas.
magie06
16-12-17, 09:32 PM
Sounds like something that you need right now.
I agree, maybe you need that break. Are you seeing much of him over Christmas?
Jaquaia
16-12-17, 09:54 PM
I'm seeing him Monday and probably Wednesday but he'll have his daughter with him. After that I'm not sure as he's off work until the new year, but he's said he'll do all he can to still see me. We'll still talk every day though
I'm glad you're going to get to see him and speak to him everyday. Wish it was more for you though...
Jaquaia
17-12-17, 02:36 PM
It will be eventually, I just need to be patient. His actions speak VERY loudly :)
OldMike
17-12-17, 03:18 PM
It will be eventually, I just need to be patient. His actions speak VERY loudly :)
I don't need to buy a pretty hat do I? Well one has to wear pretty hats at weddings don't they ;)
Seriously I hope all continues to go well with you and J (nod)
Jaquaia
17-12-17, 03:27 PM
Not just yet Mike!!! (giggle)
Hey sweetie, big hugs (panda)
Jaquaia
17-12-17, 07:31 PM
Hey lovely! How are you doing?
I've been flaring since yesterday afternoon. The base of my thumb near my wrist is painful and my thumb is stiff. I've noticed that when I do have a flare up though it's not as bad which is awesome :)
Ok ta :)
Can you try to rest it tomorrow? Please?
I think it's to do with the weather, I'm in flare too - which doesn't help you at all, but sometimes it's easier if you know it's not just you. Masses of hugs lovely x
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.4 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions, Inc. All rights reserved.