View Full Version : Venturing out of the dark *TRIGGERS*
Jaquaia
01-10-17, 09:34 PM
The one I pre-ordered as she's my favourite author. But then J's book smells so good....
(rofl)(rofl) i love old book smell!
Jaquaia
02-10-17, 10:53 AM
Methotrexate day. Woohoo :(:
Is it starting to help though?
OldMike
02-10-17, 10:59 AM
How often do you take Methotrexate because from your previous post it doesn't look like you take it everyday?
(bear)
Jaquaia
02-10-17, 12:26 PM
Once a week Mike.
I don't know Paula, I had such a carry on trying to get hold of the prescription that it's only my second dose.
How are you feeling love?
Jaquaia
02-10-17, 05:06 PM
Sick. Been eating dry crackers most of the day the went to sleep for an hour as I don't feel sick when I'm asleep.
Did you get an anti emetic from the Dr? my friend A Swears by it. She can't tolerate the methotrexate without it..
Jaquaia
02-10-17, 09:16 PM
I didn't. I'm not doing too bad really. And I can handle the nausea if it actually works.
Why make it harder? Might be worth talking to them about love?
Jaquaia
02-10-17, 09:53 PM
I see my rheumatologist tomorrow so I'll mention it
Suzi’s right, there’s absolutely no sense in being a martyr to this (bear)
Hope it goes well with the rhuematologist.
Jaquaia
03-10-17, 11:20 AM
I'm there at 3 so parking will be fun!!! Especially as I'm feeling a little on edge today.
S deleted
03-10-17, 11:23 AM
Hey you don't have to worry about parking the car. Get ya mum to drop you of at the door and call her when you're out to come and get you again. I'm sure she can treat herself to a coffee somewhere while waiting
Jaquaia
03-10-17, 11:37 AM
I generally do that but she flaps about getting parked and it winds me up.
Jaquaia
03-10-17, 05:51 PM
Waste of time. They needed me to be on the medication for a good month or so before seeing me again. And I forgot to mention the anti-emetic as my mum started stressing me out about the parking.
Can you call tomorrow about the anti emetic? Have they booked you another appointment for in a couple of weeks?
Jaquaia
03-10-17, 06:56 PM
I'll get an appointment in the post but if I struggle, as it's not that bad this week, I will see my gp
I hope you explained that the reason you haven’t been on it for a month is because they fart arsed about getting the letter to your GP?? Well done, hunni
Jaquaia
03-10-17, 07:34 PM
I did. I saw the specialist nurse and she's said it would have been sent out pretty quick. Usual really, blame each other
How are you today lovely?
Jaquaia
04-10-17, 10:27 AM
Stressed! Had one of those mornings
S deleted
04-10-17, 10:28 AM
Snap!
magie06
04-10-17, 10:30 AM
Is today any easier for you?
Hope your day brightened up lovely.
Jaquaia
04-10-17, 08:24 PM
Dietician was running late so my appointment started 10 mins late. Told him at 5 past 9 I had to be wary of time as I had bloods at quarter past. He wouldn't stop talking then at 25 past went to go get the scales. Argh!!!! Finally got out at 25 to and had to go rebook and apologise for missing my appointment. Except they managed to fit me in and cornered me for my flu jab too! Then I had counselling which has hammered me today. I came home, ate, escaped to my room and promptly started crying. I was so exhausted I fell asleep.
S deleted
04-10-17, 08:28 PM
Sleep is the best thing for healing the mind body and soul.
Oh angel (bear)(bear)(bear)
Just one of those would have floored me. Rest now, hunni, you need it (panda)
Jaquaia
04-10-17, 08:49 PM
I'm currently psyching myself up to get into my pjs but I can hardly move my thumb without a huge amount of pain. Anyway, J had counselling today too and is struggling so we're meeting for lunch tomorrow for hugs, mutual support and general silliness
How are you today gorgeous?
Jaquaia
05-10-17, 02:05 PM
I'm pretty good thanks. Had a nice, relaxing lunch in town with J. It's a good job he's in the office on his own as time seems to fly when we get together!
OldMike
05-10-17, 04:56 PM
I'm pretty good thanks. Had a nice, relaxing lunch in town with J. It's a good job he's in the office on his own as time seems to fly when we get together!
Jaq you & J must really get on well together as they say time flies when you're having fun.
Jaquaia
05-10-17, 05:54 PM
We have quickly become thick as thieves. It only felt like we'd been talking for 20 minutes, it ended up being almost 2 hours!
Jaquaia
06-10-17, 11:21 AM
I was talking to J last night as I was sorting my mums meds, I know I know! It's a miracle I haven't bored him yet!!! And I ended up blurting something out, I can't even remember what it was now, I know it was something very self-deprecating. Just after he went to bed I needed to open a seal on her CD drugs so I picked up a knife, and I have to confess that it was like a switch was flicked and I completely detached. I ended up dragging it across my arm and although I was aware, it felt like I was watching someone else do it itms??? I haven't cut myself, I'm too much of a coward to actually do something that involves pain, there's just a faint pink scratch there, I just thought I had got past this stage :(
magie06
06-10-17, 12:35 PM
(bear)(panda)(panda)
Unfortunately, that stage does try to rear it’s head intermittently, in my experience. If being a ‘coward’ (aka sensible) keeps you from hurting yourself, long may being a coward last!
OldMike
06-10-17, 04:33 PM
(bear) (panda)
Jaquaia
06-10-17, 05:00 PM
J texted me this morning to check how I was and I was honest with him so he came to see me after work. He gives excellent hugs!
Oh hunni... I'm glad you didn't hurt yourself, and I'm really glad you've talked to us about it.
Jaquaia
06-10-17, 08:40 PM
My friend Rob has pointed out that I clam up when I'm struggling and it's a habit I really need to get out of. J has made me promise to ring him too if things get like they did last night. Having a friend locally is huge for me and to have one who is so supportive is making such a difference.
Jaquaia
07-10-17, 11:35 AM
Why try? Why bother trying to get my life in order? Everything always turns to (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear). What did I ever do to anyone to deserve all the crap that is thrown at me?
Jaquaia
07-10-17, 12:36 PM
I've got a court summons through for more then £1800 for something dickhead assured me he had sorted and gotten written off while we were still together. I texted him about it and all I got was "you were there, you heard them say they would write it off". No offer to help pay or anything. I've blown up, called him a parasite and blocked every way of getting in touch that he has and promptly had a meltdown, except I decided to hoover the hallway rather then hurt myself.
S deleted
07-10-17, 04:36 PM
Oh mate you have my sympathy. I’m still paying off debts from my ex too. Parasite is pretty much accurate.
Talk to Citizens Advice. They’ll be able to support you
Definitely talk to the CAB, they should be able to help you so you don't have to deal with it...
Jaquaia
12-10-17, 08:59 PM
I'd gone into hiding again. I do that when I'm struggling I've noticed. A lot of old feelings are being dragged up this week that I would rather stay buried.
Very huge, gentle hugs (panda)
S deleted
12-10-17, 09:12 PM
So instead of burying them why not let them out? Maybe they will be gone for good that way or at least less of a problem.
Jaquaia
12-10-17, 09:27 PM
It's an old problem. Talking about it doesn't seem to help much. I know that I've spoken about it here before. I just wish I could stop giving others words the power to hurt me.
S deleted
12-10-17, 09:34 PM
Old problem?
OldMike
13-10-17, 10:19 AM
It's an old problem. Talking about it doesn't seem to help much. I know that I've spoken about it here before. I just wish I could stop giving others words the power to hurt me.
Jaq get on the phone to Stella, Suzi or Paula, I'm sure they will be happy to lend a listening ear and proffer some helpful advice on the other hand if you want to chat to an ancient old fart I'm here (giggle)
Jaquaia
13-10-17, 11:41 AM
And now I've got the council on my back for the rest of the council tax as he's paid nothing
Have you had any help with dealing with it? From the CAB?
Jaquaia
13-10-17, 01:19 PM
It's on my to do list. I'm just a bit overwhelmed at the moment.
Then talk - give us a list of the issues, maybe we can help?
Jaquaia
20-10-17, 03:57 PM
What a bloody day! Had to go and get a new tyre for the car today as my mum had a flat yesterday. Pretty straight forward really as I booked it online last night, or so I thought. Get out to the car so see the back tyre is flat too. Fabulous. Blow that back up, go to the tyre place and mention it. They give the options of ordering another tyre in or repairing it, except discover they can't repair it as some little (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) has stabbed the sidewall. So back tomorrow for another new tyre. And then I was supposed to be hanging out with J this afternoon as he's not been doing well but he had something pop up last minute so had to cancel. So I'm a little worried about him now too. Just feeling a bit stressed and grumpy.
And then when I got home I realised that as I was bent over looking at the tyre when the guy was showing me the hole, he was getting quite an eyeful from me!!! (blush)(rofl)
S deleted
20-10-17, 04:13 PM
Staring at these bad boys will make him go blind lol
Hey babe, that sounds like a pita job! Bet he thought all his Christmases had come at once!
Jaquaia
21-10-17, 10:10 PM
I feel like I could bounce off walls tonight!
Jaquaia
22-10-17, 09:08 AM
Seems to be. I ended up taking a diazepam as with the extra energy and racing thoughts there was no way I was sleeping!
How's your day been lovely?
Jaquaia
22-10-17, 05:41 PM
Not great. My mood is pretty low today. Trying to sort out in my room but it's going so slowly as I have so little energy.
Sorry you're feeling crap lovely. Can you try to be kind to yourself?
Jaquaia
22-10-17, 06:43 PM
I'm never too good at that but I get to hang out with J for a bit tomorrow afternoon and I know he'll be generous with the hugs.
Jaquaia
22-10-17, 09:47 PM
I don't know what's wrong with me this week. I'm starting to get agitated again. I'm fed up of the mood swings.
When are you due at the drs again? Is it cycle based?
Have you started talking more about what was bothering you the other week?
Jaquaia
23-10-17, 01:10 PM
Nope. I've buried it again.
I haven't actually got another one as I seemed to be stable when I last saw the dr
OK can you get one?
Can I ask why you buried it rather than spoke to us about it?
Burying it is not going to make it go away. Anything buried just rots.... inside you
Jaquaia
23-10-17, 01:54 PM
I don't know how to talk about it at the moment without breaking down.
S deleted
23-10-17, 01:58 PM
Maybe that’s what you need?
I'm not going to try to make you talk about something you don't want to, but I do know that not talking about something doesn't make it better, it just festers and infects everything inside you....
OldMike
23-10-17, 05:16 PM
I can only echo what Suzi, Paula and Stella have said, maybe if you talked about it in the women's area rather than the public area it may help.
Take care Jaq (bear) (panda)
Jaquaia
23-10-17, 06:51 PM
I've talked to J about it recently. And he's provided the hugs today, think we both needed them.
I'm actually in a really good place today :)
Glad you are talking about it and getting love and support for it lovely.
Hoorah for being in a good place!
Jaquaia
24-10-17, 01:03 PM
I'm even in a fantastic mood today! I actually feel happy at the moment though I know I do need to bring up the mood swings with the doctor.
That's quite a pendulum swing of a moodswing love... Please keep notes about it so you can prove it properly with your Dr.
Jaquaia
24-10-17, 01:13 PM
I know why I'm feeling happy so it's not so much of a mood swing as there is a reason for it :)
Stop with the cryptic statements already ;)
Jaquaia
24-10-17, 03:42 PM
I've twinged something in my groin and my wrist is flaring. Still feeling great though!!! :) might be a different story after counselling tomorrow though.
Jaquaia
24-10-17, 05:48 PM
It's just cool to hang out with someone I can be myself with. It's so rare I get to do it and it makes me so much more relaxed for a few days after.
That is cool, but you seem a bit more cryptic than normal...
Jaquaia
25-10-17, 12:41 PM
So far, today has been a day of highs and lows. Woke up feeling great, crashed at my weightwise appointment to the point of tears, though to be fair, pretty much being told that you're not losing enough so they might have to look at discharging you felt like a slap in the face, and felt great again after counselling!!!
Jaquaia
25-10-17, 12:47 PM
And just read my appointment notes and she's conveniently missed out any mention of discharge!!!
Counselling was positive then?
Jaquaia
25-10-17, 02:06 PM
Counselling was really positive. I'm just a little annoyed and upset by the weightwise appointment, to the extent I'm contemplating ringing up and requesting to see someone else.
That's a horrible session at weightwise! How much are you "meant" to be losing? How far off target with this are you?
Glad counselling went OK lovely.
Jaquaia
25-10-17, 03:44 PM
I've never been set a weight target. Mark always told me the aim was to help me build the foundations to allow me to continue on my own once I leave the programme. I went in today feeling positive as my jeans are fitting better, I'm having less back pain and managing to walk further and left feeling like an absolute failure and a naughty child.
I hope you have put in a comment regarding that. You don't need that kind of negativity when you're dieting!
Jaquaia
25-10-17, 08:15 PM
I'm thinking about ringing and asking if there is someone else I can see. J has offered to go walking with me to help as he could tell I was upset about it
OldMike
26-10-17, 05:33 PM
I've never been set a weight target. Mark always told me the aim was to help me build the foundations to allow me to continue on my own once I leave the programme. I went in today feeling positive as my jeans are fitting better, I'm having less back pain and managing to walk further and left feeling like an absolute failure and a naughty child.
Jaq you've less back pain and are walking further you should be praised for you achievements and NOT made to feel like a naughty child.
It's a case of small steps and getting things moving in the right direction which they are, you were right to feel positive about what you've achieved, I'm proud of you Jaq (bear)
Jaquaia
26-10-17, 06:34 PM
I'm ok. Have done a decent amount of the ironing today. Tonight will be a shower and chill and tomorrow I'm meeting J for lunch. My moods are a bit all over the place at the moment and I did actually mention it to my counsellor and she's also told me to keep a mood diary.
Have you rested too? How much ironing have you done? Can you get some rest tonight? Sounds like a good day tomorrow hunni, but please do keep that mood diary hunni..
Jaquaia
26-10-17, 09:47 PM
About 40 or so tops. I have just been resting tonight. I'm not having as many flare ups so it feels like the methotrexate is having an effect. I definitely do need to do it as my moods feel so unstable.
That’s fab about the methotrexate, long may it continue :)
Glad that the methotrexate is helping. I know it's helped my friend loads.
Jaquaia
28-10-17, 06:13 PM
Putting this here as I know what I'm like and I need to remember. Woke up feeling quite happy and content but over the last hour or so my mood has started sliding very quickly. I'm now feeling pretty agitated and on edge and like I can't sit still. I'm getting pretty short tempered too.
A good place to put a mood diary. Do you know why this has happened today?
Jaquaia
28-10-17, 07:13 PM
I have no idea. Had the house to myself for a few hours too so it's not like people have been in annoying me, I just feel like I could bounce off walls now and have for a few hours
Anything different which could account for the mood swings?
Stupid question, I’m sorry, but did you take all your meds? Eaten? Drinking?
Jaquaia
28-10-17, 08:33 PM
Nothing at all. Actually been pretty happy and content just lately and had a lovely afternoon with J yesterday so it's weird!
Stupid question, I’m sorry, but did you take all your meds? Eaten? Drinking?
Yep! I'm being a good girl.
Glad you're doing all the things you should be. Could it just be spending time with J? (is it platonic or romantic?)
Jaquaia
28-10-17, 09:08 PM
You mean causing the mood swing?
Yup, and causing you to be happier....
Jaquaia
29-10-17, 09:20 AM
No, I feel really calm and peaceful around him. He does make me feel happier, I hadn't realised just how lonely I had been, but it's awesome having a friend I can spend actual physical time with. It makes me feel like less of a social leper. Plus, these mood swings have been going on longer then we've been hanging out.
True, but either you're not mentioning them as much or they appear to have lessend a bit?
Jaquaia
29-10-17, 12:20 PM
Probably more the first as I've not been around as much as normal. That and the meds are taking the edge off I think.
Glad the meds are taking the edge of love. I'm thrilled you've got some good friends too... xxx
I apologise in advance constantly asking how your mood is for a few days/weeks ;)
Jaquaia
29-10-17, 06:52 PM
(rofl) ask away! I know you only do it because you care (Kiss)
So... how're you feeling babe?
Jaquaia
29-10-17, 08:04 PM
Clean! (rofl)
I'm actually feeling pretty good at the moment! Things feel like they're looking up and even if it may take a while to get where I want to be, I'm feeling positive for the first time in ages. Although there is a strong urge to spend.
That is brilliant to hear hunni x
Keep a check on the spending, but that's brilliant to hear lovely!
Jaquaia
30-10-17, 07:19 PM
OHMYGOD!!!! Stereophonics new album came through the door and it's all signed which means they all touched it!!!!! KELLY JONES TOUCHED MY CD!!!!!!!!!
ROFL! Glad it's made you smile!
Question - I don't think I saw you answer whether things with J is romantic or platonic...
Jaquaia
31-10-17, 12:43 PM
Ok. Not exactly feeling myself today. Feeling quite giddy, I'm in quite a strange mood, being a bit of a smart arse and just found out my brother is in a new relationship because I overheard my mum congratulating him and even though I'm making a joke of it I actually feel quite hurt because yet again, I'm the last to know. An afterthought as usual.
I'm always the last to know, so I sympathise. (panda) (panda)
Giddy? Have you mentioned it to the Dr? Are you eating and drinking enough?
Jaquaia
31-10-17, 05:01 PM
I've been eating and drinking a lot better. I've put my mood to good use though and finished all the ironing. Going to dig out a writing pad and get it all wrote down.
That sounds like a plan, lovely. Big hugs
Absolutely get it all written down love. You're amazing.
Jaquaia
31-10-17, 10:22 PM
I'm just me
Which is pretty flipping totes amazeballs if you ask me.... (7 tween/teen girls with stupid american tv shows/parody songs/youtube)
Jaquaia
01-11-17, 08:38 PM
Happy, content and hopeful today. That I can live with.
How are you doing lovely?
Jaquaia
02-11-17, 01:27 PM
Really good! I've decided I'm going to go camp out in Costa tomorrow and do some writing!
Awesome. Are you doing NaNoWriMo?
Jaquaia
02-11-17, 08:42 PM
Not exactly, I'm going to use it to get me into the habit of writing again though.
Awesome! I wanted to Nano this year, but I haven't got time to do it properly.... Diary of a forum owner and tours of nhs packing and dressing experiences sounds a bit dull lol
Jaquaia
03-11-17, 01:35 PM
So camping out in Costa writing turned into lunch with a friend! Not that I'm complaining, it was fun! :)
Jaquaia
03-11-17, 08:32 PM
Would it be bad to go camp out in Costa on monday just for the gluten free brownie?
Jaquaia
03-11-17, 09:55 PM
That's monday sorted then! Brownie and black forest hot choc
Jaquaia
03-11-17, 10:22 PM
Oh it is! Hot chocolate with a blackberry syrup topped with cream and cherry sauce (inlove)
magie06
04-11-17, 03:22 PM
That sounds delicious. Are you doing anything today?
Jaquaia
04-11-17, 06:11 PM
I've just been relaxing and done a bit of writing. Have dosed the dog up with chill drops and just waiting for it to kick in as she's terrified :(
OldMike
04-11-17, 06:20 PM
Oh it is! Hot chocolate with a blackberry syrup topped with cream and cherry sauce (inlove)
Wow hot choc with cream, blackberry and cherry sauce sounds delicious. :)
Jaquaia
04-11-17, 06:51 PM
Costa Mike if you have one near you! It's part of their christmas menu!
Jaquaia
06-11-17, 08:29 PM
Ok. This has been bugging me for a while now and is starting to bother me more and more.
So you will all have realised I've started actually going out for fun rather then appointments. Great company and time to relax and it's doing me the world of good. I'm even writing again! But the problem is my mum. I told her over the weekend I would be out today and got the "and what happens if I need you?" line. She asked if I was meeting J for lunch on Friday, when I said probably she made a fuss about having to go to her appointment on her own. It's in the bloody morning!!! And when I did leave today she was very obviously in a bad mood and very short with me. J usually stays for an hour when he drops me off and we usually just chill and watch Game of Thrones, and he'll sometimes pop and see me other days. Then I always get "so I'm going for your dad on my own then?"
Am I not allowed a social life??? I'm only out for 4 hours!!! And every time I go out it feels like I get a guilt trip. I've explained how it makes me feel, apart from the she makes me feel like (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) part, yet that then gets twisted as it's me not being able to take a joke and she makes out like I'm overreacting and I feel even worse. I don't feel strong enough to put my foot down about it though. She's very good at taking offence.
I completely empathise - my little sister is having the same issues... I'm trying to help her as much as I can, but it's really hard...
Can I ask? What actually happens if she does take offence?
Jaquaia
06-11-17, 10:25 PM
She manipulates things so she's playing the victim and I end up feeling like I'm completely worthless and the worst person in the world, and knowing how low my self-esteem is, you can imagine how much of an effect it has on me. It ended once with my dad calling me a c**t and threatening to beat me up as she did that on the phone when I was at uni.
(panda). You are neither worthless nor the worst person in the world. You may have taken on caring for her but that does not make you her slave. Perhaps you need to remind them both that you don’t take annual leave or ask for paid sick leave! You are their daughter, you do everything you possibly can for your mum and it’s time they realised that and cherished you for it.
magie06
07-11-17, 09:46 AM
You are certainly earning your keep at the moment. Please explain to your mum that you can only do so much. You are only human after all. Good luck for today.
Jaquaia
07-11-17, 05:29 PM
I've changed both beds today and washed and dried the bedding. Just sorted the shopping out but they keep talking to me!!! I can hear how short I'm getting but please just shut up and leave me alone!!!! I don't know what it is but I can't deal with it tonight at all!
can You get some breathing space? Get away from the living room?
Jaquaia
07-11-17, 08:45 PM
I came up not long after tea, but I know I'm struggling as my appetite is rubbish.
Oh sweetheart I feel so much for you. I'm so sorry I've been trying to reply to you all day, but had to get out for hospital stuff... I didn't want you to think I didn't care...
Jaquaia
07-11-17, 08:56 PM
Don't be daft! I know you care! That's one thing none of us on here can ever doubt :)
That means so much and has made me cry...
You do know how much I admire you don't you? You always put others first, but you're beginning to take time for you and do things to make you happy. I'm so bloody proud of you.
Jaquaia
08-11-17, 12:27 PM
I didn't mean to make you cry! I don't think I've done anything worth admiring really. I've just finally found some time to look after me.
So today had been pretty big! I went to counselling on the bus by myself!!! I have not done that at all during this cycle. I talked about some unpleasant memories and about the issue with my mum, but also about the difference a certain someone is making to my life. My counsellor is officially awesome and is requesting some extra sessions on top of the extra sessions I'm currently having! I then walked all the way across town to the station where I'm meeting J when he finishes work! And my back never hurt!!! I just had to keep stopping as I'm quite anxious and was tensing my legs which was then making my hip hurt.
So yay!
You are pretty awesome, lovely. So many things in one day that not long ago you wouldn’t have done (happy)
magie06
08-11-17, 05:10 PM
Well done on that bus journey. And the counselling. And the walk across town. How is J today?
Jaquaia
08-11-17, 06:24 PM
Well when you put it like that Paula... (giggle)
Thanks Magie. J is awesome, we had a lovely afternoon just watching Game of Thrones and talking :)
I'm in awe of you! You've literally changed your life! Look at all these important things you are now doing! I'm so proud of you!
Couldn't agree more with the others hunni xx
Jaquaia
09-11-17, 10:29 AM
I'm struggling a bit today, I'm just so tired. I know I need to be kind to myself today as I talked about some pretty horrific stuff yesterday and it's bound to have an effect, but all I can think about is the things I need to get done. I just feel like I'm swimming through treacle today
Would it help if you write down what ‘needs’ to be done and then delete them until you get to what really ‘needs’ to be done? We could help whittle down the list
I'm feeling similar, shall we paddle along together?
What's the most important things to do that can't wait?
Jaquaia
09-11-17, 10:59 AM
I've done the really important stuff, eating and medication. I do need to drink and I've just cleaned the garden up. Got 2 shopping deliveries coming that needs putting away, and the bathroom needs cleaning and the stairs need hoovering. The bathroom is tidy, it just needs a wipe around, it's the floor that is desperate for a wash. I suppose they can both wait, I'm just feeling like I need to do something.
magie06
09-11-17, 12:13 PM
I'm supposed to be cleaning out the fridge today. But I just can't face it. It's not bad but the marks that are there might turn bad if I don't do something about them. I think it must have been 6 months since I've done it last. It really needs doing. A job for tomorrow when I've a bit more energy.
Jaquaia
09-11-17, 12:17 PM
I'm meeting J tomorrow afternoon so they're not jobs I fancy putting off until tomorrow as I'll then want a shower and will just get wound up trying to get sorted on time.
I can understand that - but can you do it bit by bit rather than pushing yourself too hard?
Jaquaia
09-11-17, 01:03 PM
I buggered up the shopping and ordered it for next week instead of today. Oops....
Escaped to my room for a lie down and climbing the stairs felt like scaling a mountain.
Oops! Well, that's one job you don't need to do next week! :)
Jaquaia
09-11-17, 04:14 PM
I ended up falling asleep for an hour this afternoon. Hadn't realised just how tired I was.
I sympathise. I've been fighting falling asleep all afternoon..
Jaquaia
10-11-17, 12:09 PM
I'm still tired today, wednesday took so much out of me, but I've done all the basics and even gone with my mum to an appointment and am currently in town waiting for J to finish work! Nothing like pushing myself is there!!! Though I am feeling brighter and not as numb as yesterday.
Glad you're feeling brighter love. Maybe plan a rest day hun?
Jaquaia
10-11-17, 04:29 PM
I've had a lovely relaxing afternoon with J and will probably not do much over the weekend.
Sounds like you’re pacing ;)
Jaquaia
10-11-17, 06:05 PM
Trying to! Since been informed that we're making christmas cakes over the weekend!!!!
Oh..... You could just buy one?
Jaquaia
10-11-17, 09:51 PM
We always have homemade ones. My dad is fussy
Yes, but it shouldn't fall to you to make them if you're in pain....
Jaquaia
10-11-17, 10:24 PM
The methotrexate is working I think so my pain is reduced and I'd use a mixer anyway. I just tend to be the better baker.
Glad it's working for you lovely x
Jaquaia
10-11-17, 10:56 PM
Something has to! I'm not sure if the paroxetine is working as well as I thought or I'm just having a bad-ish week. Though I suppose after wednesday I should allow for a bit of a low mood.
Though I suppose after wednesday I should allow for a bit of a low mood.
Absolutely, and I’m glad you can recognise that :)
Completely agree! Be kind to yourself lovely. Have you got any lovely plans for this weekend?
Jaquaia
11-11-17, 12:10 PM
I'm just planning on taking it easy as I feel exhausted. The only plans I seem to be making lately seem to be with J or for the future!!!
The future is not something you’ve made plans for up to now (party)
Jaquaia
11-11-17, 03:44 PM
I shall have to update you!!! I have lots of plans for the future! A certain someone is a very good influence on me :)
I'm currently sat knitting!
OldMike
11-11-17, 04:34 PM
I shall have to update you!!! I have lots of plans for the future! A certain someone is a very good influence on me :)
I'm currently sat knitting!
Very interesting, I shall avidly watch this space for developments :)
I'm just planning on taking it easy as I feel exhausted. The only plans I seem to be making lately seem to be with J or for the future!!!
I shall have to update you!!! I have lots of plans for the future! A certain someone is a very good influence on me :)
I'm currently sat knitting!
Hold on a moment........ Do I need to investigate hats?????
Jaquaia
11-11-17, 05:13 PM
Hold on a moment........ Do I need to investigate hats?????
Yes!!! (inlove) Just not yet ;)
magie06
11-11-17, 06:06 PM
You sound so happy. It's lovely to read your posts at the moment. I know we all have our off days, but it sounds like you have a lot of 'on' days at the moment.
Jaquaia
11-11-17, 06:48 PM
I don't think I have ever been this happy magie :)
magie06
11-11-17, 07:27 PM
That's so good to hear. Go Jaquaia. (party)
I love that you are happy!
magie06
12-11-17, 01:29 PM
Hi, how is today for you? Anything nice planned today? Have a great day.
Jaquaia
12-11-17, 02:00 PM
I just feel exhausted today and a bit flat. Sat doingnsome knitting but my eyes are strugglingnto focus properly at the moment.
Are you doing all the basics? Eating? Drinking? Taking meds? Exercise?
Jaquaia
12-11-17, 04:07 PM
I'm being good
I'm sure you are ;) But are you doing the basics properly? lol
Jaquaia
12-11-17, 04:31 PM
I've been sat with a bottle of water all day. Though thinking about it, that's the same one from this morning. Oh and I've ballsed my meds up. I forgot to order them in time so unless the chemist has got the prescription early, I'm without my paroxetine tomorrow.
Can you finish that bottle and get another one? Will you be calling the chemist first thing?
Jaquaia
12-11-17, 04:44 PM
It's only across the road so I can wander across before I go and meet J
Make sure you do - or ask for an advance ;)
magie06
12-11-17, 07:28 PM
Good luck in the morning at the chemist. Although I'm sure it will be okay.
Have you managed to get your meds sorted?
Jaquaia
13-11-17, 08:54 AM
I'm not even out of bed yet. Woken up with a headache today.
Can you take something for the headache? Is it down to stress/not drinking enough/medication issues or something you can't pinpoint?
Jaquaia
13-11-17, 09:48 AM
I have no idea as it's eased off!
Have you spoken to the chemist yet?
Jaquaia
13-11-17, 11:16 AM
Yeah. It will be ready tomorrow. I can cope for one day!
How did your day go lovely? You OK?
Jaquaia
13-11-17, 09:33 PM
I'm pretty good. Spent a couple of hours with J this afternoon which was lovely :) just relaxing now. Feel tired out.
Hope it's a good tired ;) Sleep well gorgeous x
Jaquaia
13-11-17, 10:06 PM
A very good tired! (angel)
Rheumatology appointment tomorrow! Saw the nurse last time so should be one of the doctors this time. There's some inflammation in some of my joints and some pain when I touch them so the disease isn't completely under control but the methotrexate is making a huge difference!
Fab! Is there wiggle room on the dose?
How has the rheumy gone??
Jaquaia
14-11-17, 02:03 PM
It's not until 3.40. I will ask that question Paula. I think it will either be see how it goes or a steroid injection in the butt!
I'm really worried about J today. He's struggling so much and there's nothing I can do until I see him tomorrow.
Do you know why he's struggling? Hope the appointment is going well lovely. x
Jaquaia
14-11-17, 04:48 PM
I do and I'm trying to encourage him to talk to his counsellor about it but he finds it hard. I'm hoping he will start talking here too in time.
The appointment went great! I was straight in and out and 10 minutes before my appointment time too!!! The methotrexate is starting to work but as I've only been on it for 4 weeks at the current dose, it's too early to increase it, so she's making the next appointment herself to ensure that I see the lead consultant.
Oh and I've lost almost half a stone so (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear) you very much Kate!
magie06
14-11-17, 05:05 PM
That's brilliant news about the weight. You are doing so well.
Grats on the loss Hun I know it’s hard to do
Jaquaia
14-11-17, 08:25 PM
I am sooooooo proud of myself right now!!! Kate rang me to discuss a letter the multi disciplinary team are going to send to my GP and she brought up our last appointment. I don't know where the hell it had come from but I told her just how bad she had made me feel after entering the appointment feeling so positive, told her just how unhelpful and damaging I found her comments and then took great delight in telling her that with no help from the service, I had managed to lose almost half a stone!
Go me!!!! (party)
I'm so proud of you! You are amazing! So glad the appointment went well lovely!
Jaquaia
14-11-17, 09:28 PM
Oh and I'm really bloody annoyed too!!! My sister is coming to see me on Tuesday night with it being my birthday, or so my mum informed me anyway. Fair enough but how about actually asking me if I'm free first instead of just assuming that I'm going to be sat at home with nothing bloody better to do!!!
I think my mood is a bit all over the place tonight. I feel a bit like a yoyo (think)
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