Having a bad couple of days

[Jackiek]

Hi everyone. I had been doing so well, but now the low has come again. Had a phone call from my cousin yesterday, she had been to see my mom and then tells me that the home were going to contact me and ask me not to go and see mom for a bit, over something a carer had heard me say to mom.

This of course freaked me out, I was up half the night, trying to remember if I had said anything that could cause this. So we went today and turns out my cousin has been stirring things up, saying she is a social worker and she knows about care homes and that WE think a bruise on my mom was done by a member of staff! which are both lies. They have also pointed out that it has been noticed I am looking more and more depressed and stressed out. They have suggested that when seeing mom, I try to focus on good things, as thye have noticed mom is very unsettled when I visit her and they think it maybe part of the problem.

I think it is great that they feel able to say this and I do agree with them, but it is another knock down to me. I have been getting more anxious as the days have gone on and I am ashamed to admit, I have been taking strong painkillers (originally to deal wiht toothache), but I have kept on taking them, as they help me to sleep. To add to that, my oh is having his hours cut down, which means we will not be able to pay all our bills, so god knows what we are going to do.

And to really kick me when Iam down, my oh tells me 2 of his workmates thought I was pregnant, cuz of the weight I had put on. So here I am feeling really sorry for myself and hating me for it.


BTW love the new look x

[Angie]

Awwww hun (bear) from me

[Suzi]

Oh sweetheart have a hug (bear) (bear)

It sounds like you are struggling. WRT the finances have you been through the CAB to see what you can do to help with those issues?

I've moved this to coping with depression as it isn't really a question... ;)

Thanks re the new look!

[Sarah76]

Jackie thinking of you
Hugs x

[Aspasia]

Ohhh Jackie, have a huge smoosh from me!

Lets focus on the postives: you've had further proof that this new home is brilliant, because they were able to be honest with you like that. You have a plan to handle your visits with your mum better, which is a really positive and proactive way you can help her.

Now, about these painkillers... are you on any other meds at the moment? Are there any possible interactions? Have you spoken to the doctor about the lack of sleep? If not, it's time to make another appointment and let him know you are struggling more at the moment.

How many hours will your OH lose? Make a list of what bills you have, and prioritise them, and remember that many many people are struggling right now so the gas company (for example) know this, and are used to it, and will probably negotiate payment terms - but you have to be honest with them and tell them you might struggle as soon as possible. Remember to contact the council and let them now about the income change and see if your council tax bill will drop, contact the benefits agency and check you are getting your full entitlement!

[Jackiek]

I am on mertazpine on an evening, lowest dose and sertraline in the morning, but I do keep forgetting those ones :( Regarding bills, it is really the loans i am worried about. We are not behind in anything yet I guess, if it comes to it, I will make an appt with the bank manager and explain and see if there is a way to restructure the debts. And yes it is great the home are able to be honest, but my cousin has really angered me, with her poking her nose in.

Suzi, sorry I used this one, but I don't have a link to the coping with depression forum!

[Jackiek]

suzi, the link has now appeared :) sorry about that x

[MaraUT]

Hugs, love. Sounds like quite the rough spell. If you said it already, I'm sorry for asking ... but have you had a chance to talk to your mom's caregivers about what your cousin said? Your cousin sounds like she's up there with your MIL in behavior. :(: Do try to get your meds sorted out for time of day ... even if you have to take one a little later than you thoughts. I know it's tough sometimes ... I have thyroid meds to deal with and some days are tough, but you're a smart lady.

[Jackiek]

Hi Mara, yes we have told the home in no uncertain terms, that she does not speak for us. IF we have any issues, we will come to them ourselves wiht them. Apparently the way she spoke, especially as she told them she was a social worker, sounded like a threat. She even turned around and said it wouldnt suprise her if "she" did it, referring to moms bruise and a member of staff :( but they know we dont take any notice of her. I know I have to take my meds, but by only taking one, it feels like I still have some control, if that makes any sense

[Catkin]

aw hunni ........ you sound sad :s

As has been suggested, you should try to speak to CAB or someone regarding the money situation.

WRT the meds - can you speak to your GP about getting help with the meds. Would you be able to go for a walk sometimes, just to get you out and clear your head?

Well done for speaking to the home. At least they know you don't take any crap off your cousin!

Sending you loads of hugs x x x

[Suzi]

Jackie this bothered me lots...


I know I have to take my meds, but by only taking one, it feels like I still have some control, if that makes any sense

Control? surely it's more control to take them and feel better? By not taking them you aren't having any control of your mood and you are spiralling.....

[Sarah76]

not quite sure what to put as never been in your situation so just say thining of you and huge hugs
xx

[Angie]

I do agree with Suzi with the meds hun


hugs from me

[veggie]

I have to say i totally agree with Suzi hun, more hugs from me.(bear)

[Jackiek]

Suzi is right as always :) As regards money, I maybe able to reduce our outgoings by just about the same amount we would be losing from my ohs job. So, even though the solution is not one I want to go to, it is there if necessary and it means that we will NOT lose our home, which is what I care about most.

I went to see mom today and it was a wonderful visit. I was positive and cheerful and stopped looking at mom as a dementia sufferer and just tried to see her as mom, with all her funny ways and it worked. Mom didnt' cry once and it was the best visit I have had, ever really. So I am feeling a bit more positive and I am not going to be taking any more pain killers to sleep and I will be taking my meds properly, as you say, it is to help me get control, not lose it

[Angie]

Am glad the visit went well hun and about the tablets

[Lostfriend]

I'am glad that your visit with your mum went well....BIG HUGS from me

[Aspasia]

Yay, so glad you had a nice visit and are feeling better!

[Suzi]

Jackie that's so positive!! I am so pleased for you!

Let us know how the meds go love...

[MaraUT]

Yay, for a great visit, hun!

[Mummyhill]

(bear) Glad you had a good visit with your mum and that you have made a brilliant decision regarding your meds (bear)

[Catkin]

well done hunni! You sound far more positive! (bear)

[Jackiek]

I was doing well then something silly happens and i can't cope :( My dearest son, threw something inthe garden and it hit the back window and smashed it. I am not sure if our buildings insurance will cover it, but I just fell apart, couldnt cope, feel sick with worry, as it if its not covered we cant get it fixed. Iknow in the grand scheme of things that it is not a major problem, but I am so angry with myself.

I have made some positive steps to improving things for me. I have volunteered to do reading in the kids school, even though it terrifies me. I am taking some courses, all with the aim of getting me out of the house and maybe in time back to work. Then I fall apart over this damn thing.

[Suzi]

Oh hunni have some hugs (panda) (panda)(panda)

Take it one step at a time lovely...

[Angie]

aww hun it will of given you a shock aswell, fingers crossed it is covered, if your partner is good at diy then if its not covered it would be alot cheaper to get the window and fit it yourself and there will be videos on youtube am betting show you how to aswell

brilliant about the reading at school and the courses hun well done

[MaraUT]

Definitely little steps - one at a time, Jackie. Take control of what you're feeling - you've done it before, sweetie.

[Aspasia]

Awww (hug)

You're probably still a bit in shock, love, a horrible smash like that would have scared the living daylights out of me I know! But no-one was hurt, so it's fine. It's only a window, and it can be made safe and fixed when you're ready, love. Windows are easier to fix than people :)


Now go and have a big cup of sugary (tea) for the shock!

[Jackiek]

The window wont cost as much as we thought. Which is good. And I finally make a big step and called a debt charity to help sort out the mess we are in. Got to sort out one or two things, but they are going to put us on a debt management plan, which will give us a bit more money to live on, and make sure that we are at least making repayments to our loans.

I feel sick at the mess we are in, but at least I am taking a step in the right direction

[Aspasia]

Yay that's awesome, Jackie, really :)

[Angie]

Well done hun, and am glad about the window

[Lostfriend]

that really cool..

[MaraUT]

Good for you on getting debt help, sweetie. And so glad to hear the window won't be as expensive as thought.

[Suzi]

Brilliant about the debt advice love! Don't feel sick about it, it's so easily done!

[Jackiek]

Thanks everyone :) Ironically, the window being damaged and the cost, made me realise we needed expert advice. The lady from the debt agency, told me that we will not lose our house. That in the end, we have made all the cut backs we can, it isn't our fault the money has dropped and in the end you cant pay what you don't have.

On another plus, mom was brilliant tonight, was chatty and able to hold a better conversation x

[Suzi]

Those are all so brilliant! Well done lovely!

[Angie]

Awww brilliant hun its such a relief when things start to get sorted and am glad that your mum was chatty for you

[MaraUT]

So wonderful to have a nice visit with mom!!!! And you definitely deserve kudos for doing all you can with your financial situation.

[Lostfriend]

keep your head up . BIG HUGS

[veggie]

That's lovely that you had a chat with your mum.:)

[Jackiek]

Had a good weekend, then sitting here thinking about being on my own tommorow and I can feel the panic starting. I hate being on my own, because my mind wanders too much and I think about everything and it is too much

[Suzi]

Can you plan things to do to keep you busy?