PDA

View Full Version : I need a bit of a confidence boost *trigger*



The_Scientist
07-11-16, 09:54 AM
Title says it all really. I like myself well enough, but whenever i meet someone new i automatically assume they're not going to, barriers go up, i dont know hoe yo speak to them etc etc and its no good for anyone. I've felt better since deleting grindr but im still not quite there and tbh in terms of meeting other gay people, its kind of keft ne in the doldrums as none of my friends here know anyone except me (i checked). Its not incredibly urgent oe pressing but im aware i need to work on it.

Suzi
07-11-16, 09:01 PM
It's a good thing that you know that it's an area that you need to work on. Do you have counselling? Is there no way that you can get to a bigger town to see what there is there?

The_Scientist
07-11-16, 09:37 PM
It's a good thing that you know that it's an area that you need to work on. Do you have counselling? Is there no way that you can get to a bigger town to see what there is there?

i'm not haing any counselling at the moment but i'm intending to make an appointment soon to talk about where to go now. i was going to do it today but stuff came up.

for the moment travel isnt really an option as money is really tight at the moment. London isnt too far away so in an ideal world i'd just pop down there every now an then but that's definitely not an option this side of january.

Ideally, I'd move out and that would do the world of good, but again, money is tight and i was looking at rent prices just now and i founnd myself reaching for the bottle of red. living here is, as it's always been, a constant barrage of derisio and rudeness which everyone defends by treating it as isolated inncidents that im simply being to sensitive about and refusing to acknowledge the systematic abuse that it is. it's really difficult. i've started trying to defend myself but it's not going well.

Suzi
07-11-16, 10:01 PM
I know money's tight, but there are other ways of making contact with people...

The_Scientist
07-11-16, 10:49 PM
I know money's tight, but there are other ways of making contact with people...

Well thats what id like to know, because i havent found any. But im just saying it rules out travelling anywhere too far afield for the time being

Suzi
08-11-16, 09:23 AM
I understand that. How's the amdram going?

The_Scientist
08-11-16, 06:30 PM
I understand that. How's the amdram going?

Yeah its going ok, im in something at the moment but its only one scene so im not needed much. Id be tempted to join a rival group to try and meet more people my own age (apparently thetes a handful of gay guys too) but rhey want £50 a year membership so its difficult

Paula
08-11-16, 07:08 PM
£50 is a lot of money, but getting out to meet people is never going to be free

The_Scientist
08-11-16, 08:01 PM
£50 is a lot of money, but getting out to meet people is never going to be free

it's all more than i can afford right now though

Suzi
08-11-16, 09:54 PM
It's also a lot if you don't know that you'll enjoy it at all....
There has to be something else you can do?

The_Scientist
08-11-16, 10:04 PM
It's also a lot if you don't know that you'll enjoy it at all....
There has to be something else you can do?

I dont know, i really dont. I mean theres a conaervation group im going to volunteer sith down the road, but the likelihood is itll mostly be retired people with a ton of free time, which is fine in itself, but its not what i need.

The_Scientist
08-11-16, 10:05 PM
Apologies, i cant type on my phone properly

Suzi
08-11-16, 10:23 PM
PM me the area you live in, I'll see if I can come up with something else if you like?

The_Scientist
09-11-16, 02:47 AM
Thanks, I've messaged you :)

The_Scientist
14-11-16, 08:02 PM
*sigh* very lonely atm. Given that even the cost of living ia easier if there are 2 of you, and with the current contwxt of pretty much everyone around me getting coypled up and married, and being winter and therecore a poor time for ecology jobs, im definitely feeling like everything is rigged against me.

Suzi
14-11-16, 09:32 PM
I'm still on the case.. Have you thought about volunteering for a local wildlife sanctuary or similar? It's not exactly what you want to do, but it might help find new people?

Paula
14-11-16, 10:46 PM
It's a difficult cycle to break. You're lonely so need to find a way to meet new people. But your low self confidence makes that hard, which leads to more loneliness. I wish there was an easy answer lovely, really I do, but I don't think this is going to change unless you can find a way to push yourself out of your comfort zone. Big hugs (bear)

The_Scientist
14-11-16, 11:54 PM
I'm still on the case.. Have you thought about volunteering for a local wildlife sanctuary or similar? It's not exactly what you want to do, but it might help find new people?

i did try getting in touch with one today but the contact details on the poster and website were wrong, the emails just came back unsent. i'll keep trying. difficulty is, my parents are expecting pretty much instant result, which i've tried to explain simply isnt going to happen but they wont hae it, because having not applied for a job in around 20 years and never having had to write a cover letter and barely having to go ear a cv, they simply have no clue how any of it works these days, and thats before you even get close to the sector im interested in. they've just decided that i'm lazy and making excuses and wont be told otherwise. i cant voice an opinion without being instantly dismissed and shouted down, while they can spew deluded right wing bile without a shred of logical thought or factual evidence, perish the thought. all the while my brothers succubus sits there making sarcastic comments that she thinks are witty and on point but are just idiotic. *sigh*

The_Scientist
15-11-16, 12:25 AM
i've felt vaguely suicidal again recently. I'm gonna make an appointment on my next day off.

Paula
15-11-16, 12:31 PM
Lovely, I've added a trigger warning as you've mentioned suicidal thoughts

Thing is, you need to be contacting/applying to organisations constantly, pretty much daily, to get anything at the moment and need to keep your expectations as wide as possible

Suzi
15-11-16, 01:19 PM
When is your next day off?

The_Scientist
15-11-16, 07:14 PM
When is your next day off?

tomorrow

purplefan
15-11-16, 07:24 PM
When i was in London i had a problem with loneliness. It is back in the news tonight, I am sorry your going through that Mate. When i tried to volunteer there was a volunteer center i contacted and they set me up in a Home for sailors it was great. Is there a volunteer center you could contact in your area? They normally have the info in the local library.

The_Scientist
15-11-16, 10:17 PM
When i was in London i had a problem with loneliness. It is back in the news tonight, I am sorry your going through that Mate. When i tried to volunteer there was a volunteer center i contacted and they set me up in a Home for sailors it was great. Is there a volunteer center you could contact in your area? They normally have the info in the local library.

possibly but i'm not sure, i'll try and swing by the library soon.

I've been guitaring a lot lately, which is fine, but i'm trying new things and still getting over that frustration barrier

The_Scientist
16-11-16, 11:21 PM
No appointments available for the next 2 weeks at least

Paula
16-11-16, 11:23 PM
Did you book anything then?

Suzi
16-11-16, 11:46 PM
Can you just book one and then work on getting one sooner knowing that you have one booked at all.....

The_Scientist
16-11-16, 11:47 PM
No they only do bookings up to 2 weeks in advance and were full, but said it kight be worth trying online which ill do tomorrow

Suzi
16-11-16, 11:50 PM
Keep on trying.

The_Scientist
21-11-16, 07:31 PM
Keep on trying.

Still no joy. Passed my course though, with a merit :) got a bunch of jobs to apply for now but feeling a major lack of motivation to get started. I reckon ill have to start going to the library during the day.

The_Scientist
21-11-16, 08:59 PM
Really need to work on expanding my social circles

Suzi
21-11-16, 10:01 PM
I've sent you some links which I hope might help...

The_Scientist
24-11-16, 09:43 PM
So hoint first on my list of priorities is new job and flat. Job will ptobably have to come first. I can manage just about on full time minimum wage if i live with someone, though who i would live with i have no idea. Obviously if i can find something a bit more at my level and for better money thats a marvellous bonus.

Need to get down the job centre/ring the RNIB about help with transport to/within work as a lot of the jobs im applying for want a drivers license which i cant get. It not integral to the job, but the locations can be pretty remote.

Paula
24-11-16, 09:47 PM
Can you look for people who want lodgers?

Suzi
24-11-16, 11:02 PM
Definitely think about being a lodger or what about a house share?

The_Scientist
24-11-16, 11:22 PM
Yeah I'll be looking into bith of those. Like i say, job needs to come first really. But for now i can at least afford to do christmas which cant br bad

The_Scientist
03-12-16, 09:20 PM
Spent the last couple hours in bed crying. I just dont want to be here anymore. There are plenty of joba i could apply for, but i dont feel competent enough to be motivated to do it. And whenever i manage to, something comes up like the kids come round or someone demands something be done or theres just noise. And god forbid i ask people to be quiet. I already feel rmtrapped in the clutter of my family and my situation.

Paula
03-12-16, 10:19 PM
Are you able to contact the Samaritans?

Suzi
03-12-16, 11:14 PM
Definitely see if you can contact the Samaritans or Calm or another helpline. Can you get a Dr's appointment?

purplefan
04-12-16, 09:04 AM
I dont know if this would help or not but when i had a small business and would interview people there would be three main points i would look for in a candidate.
1.neatness
2. confidence
3. communication skills,

When applying for a job those are the three main basic reasons why employers would employ someone. As well as the others skills like what sort of experience etc. If you get a bit of paper and write down your good attributes and ones you need to work on, then i am sure getting a job wont be hard.
Your communication skills are first class, the way you come over on the forum and answer each question people put to you is really well thought out and you don't waffle.
You do have a bit of a confidence problem but considering what you have been through that is to be expected. Try and work on being more positive about yourself when meeting people, i think you could get a job no problem if you set your mind to it. Hope things work out for you The-scientist. Enjoy Christmas and take it from there.

The_Scientist
05-12-16, 12:15 AM
Thanks all. I did actually consider calling the samaritans, but without leaving the house theres no way i wouldnt be overheard, and id got to a point where i couldnt even leave my bed. Im still trying the drs, no joy so far.

Ive been looking at PhDs today. Found a couple that interest me, though i have my doubts about the study species. Not sure how much of a factor that should be.

Flo
05-12-16, 11:18 AM
Are you feeling any better today TS?....what sort of PhD are you thinking of doing?..

Suzi
05-12-16, 03:44 PM
Talk to us about the PhD you're thinking about...
You can email the samaritans as well as calling them... if it helps?

The_Scientist
05-12-16, 06:38 PM
Its looking at the interactions between diet and habitat changes as well as parasitism and farming practises and how that has affected the decline of turtle doves. Really broad and far-reaxhing topic, but id really prefer a different study species. Plus im not sure whether its wise to jump into such a big commitment when im still not mentally stable.

I did try emailing the samaritans a while back, but i didnt find it helpful. What was said in one email didnt seem to carry over into subsequent ones.

Suzi
05-12-16, 10:58 PM
Why turtle doves?

The_Scientist
06-12-16, 01:53 AM
Why turtle doves?

it's just what the study is on. it's an iconic species that's in decline. like i say, i'd have chosen a reptile.

My gut is saying it's too soon for a PhD anyway. if nothing else, i'd like to be a bit more mentally well before i started on something so big, and i don't thik i've had a og enough break from it yet.

Suzi
06-12-16, 11:50 AM
Fair enough. Do you have something else in mind to do in between? What about taking your expertise out into the wider world? Is there an organisation where you could work for?

The_Scientist
06-12-16, 09:30 PM
So I've slept on it and I'm not going to go for *this* PhD. I said i wanted a substantial break and even if it doesn't start until September, one year isn't the break i wanted. Also, i dont think i can devote 3 years of my life to a bird I'm not terribly fussed on. If it had been a reptile that'd be a different matter and I'd have leapt straight on it. If i go for it it needs to be for the right reasons and this feels like a partial knee jerk reaction.

In the meantime, jobs. Ive been really rubbish at getting in touch with volunteer organisations and applying for things so far, but i did email the RNIB yesterday to aee what support they can give. Ive got a friend in a similar position so we're aiming to get together and bash iut some applications soon.

The_Scientist
13-12-16, 09:41 PM
So a guy offered to meet me for a drink and so i almost had a panic attack. I guess im too scared to go for anything because im afraid it'll go badly and I'll just come off worse again.

I'm not further on with the housing situation but I've got people helping me edit my CV and ive got a bunch of things lined up to apply for. I've also got the all clear from the clinic but that hasnt stopped me worrying and fretting about every little thing. Still can't get an appointment with my gp.

Overall i feel really really low. Even my job, which i genuinely enjoy, is becoming a chore. Admittedly though, its winter and there's not much to do. Getting a thinly veiled urge to scream or cry mot of the time.

Suzi
13-12-16, 09:59 PM
I'm sorry you are still struggling. Any news on the Drs appointment?

The_Scientist
14-12-16, 01:38 AM
I'm sorry you are still struggling. Any news on the Drs appointment?

No change

Paula
14-12-16, 09:17 AM
You've been trying for a month to get a Drs appointment. Why is it so difficult to get one?

Suzi
14-12-16, 03:20 PM
I really think you need to call them and explain that you've been trying every day for a month! That's outrageous! I hope you've written a complaint!

The_Scientist
15-12-16, 01:38 AM
To be fair, i havent been calling every day, only qhen ive been able to get away from prying ears, which iant that often. Its just that time of year when all and sundry have the sniffles and flood the place.

Jaquaia
15-12-16, 04:55 AM
Can you ring and ask for an emergency appointment or a telephone appointment?

Suzi
15-12-16, 11:20 AM
Sweetheart you are going to have to find a way to call and get that appointment.

The_Scientist
18-12-16, 05:33 PM
My friends have all got tired of me now

Suzi
18-12-16, 10:40 PM
I'm sure that's not the case lovely. Any news on the appointment?

The_Scientist
22-12-16, 01:18 PM
This is pretty much me right now

https://youtu.be/lIR68SbPg-U


I'm sure that's not the case lovely. Any news on the appointment?

Nothing yet. Im going to leave it til january now.

In the meantime im thinking ill go see something, get me out of my head a little. I want to go see Moanna as I've heard only good things but i have no one to go with and im a bit unsure whether going to see a kids film alone mught be deemed a bit... unsavoury..? I don't know, maybe I'm overthinking it

Suzi
22-12-16, 02:29 PM
Sorry you aren't feeling any better, but really hunni, stop keep procrastinating about the Drs....

Go to the film and enjoy it! Nothing unsavoury about it at all! I know loads of adults who go!

Paula
22-12-16, 02:30 PM
How often are you ringing to get an appt?

The_Scientist
22-12-16, 09:40 PM
I went, i cried, i loved it.

Paula
22-12-16, 11:11 PM
Well done!

Suzi
23-12-16, 11:14 AM
Highly recommended then?

The_Scientist
23-12-16, 07:20 PM
Highly recommended then?

Oh definitely! Its beautiful!

The_Scientist
26-12-16, 12:45 AM
I should probably try and spend less time on facebook in the new year. It just makes me sad too often. At the moment its a couples and babies extravaganza with extra helpings of "look who bought a house!". And uts not that im comparing as such, because i know my life isnt theres and nor should it be, but it just hits home that im not doing any of those things, and in the case of seeing couples i just get sad tha they found each other so easilywhile reminding me of how much ive been kicked around.

The_Scientist
26-12-16, 12:59 AM
Incidentally, does anyone else get sudden moments of "im going to sort myself out" and start thinking about and listing all the ways youre going to do that, but then get anxious about the fact that youre not doing any of them? Or is it just me?

Paula
26-12-16, 10:07 AM
in the case of seeing couples i just get sad tha they found each other so easilywhile reminding me of how much ive been kicked around.

Sweetheart, nothing about relationships is straightforward and finding each other is seldom easy. Please don't romanticise this too much. Yes, if you truly find 'it', it's definitely worth it, but no relationship is uncomplicated

Suzi
26-12-16, 03:41 PM
Sweetheart facebook is brilliant, but so dangerous too. All it shows is what people want you to see. It doesn't show that I spend hours crying or cleaning or any of the other stuff that is my day to day life.. It shows the Christmas tree, my children all smiling and not trying to kill each other, it says that all is fabulous... It doesn't show you the stress of DWP Tribunal papers or the case looming.... It's not what it seems love...

magie06
26-12-16, 03:45 PM
Incidentally, does anyone else get sudden moments of "im going to sort myself out" and start thinking about and listing all the ways youre going to do that, but then get anxious about the fact that youre not doing any of them? Or is it just me?

No, it's not just you. I get that too but I want you to know that the lists and ways to sort yourself out are normal. It's part of the recovery, and it does no harm at all. But if the lists are making you anxious then try to break things down into smaller steps.

The_Scientist
01-01-17, 02:32 AM
I dont want advice on this one. I dont even teally expect a reply. I just want to make the comment. Im trying really hard to be happy tonight. Really (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)ing hard. But im just bummed out

The_Scientist
01-01-17, 02:35 AM
Incidentally, i was thinking about telling my folks about how ive been feeling. But i wandered in on my mum watching easteners where one of the characters is basically falling apart because of his depression. And mums response was. "Man up, you were in the army for god sake". So obviously i cant say anything to them.

S deleted
01-01-17, 05:33 AM
Maybe it's the reason why you should speak to them. It seems they don't understand the reality of depression and the impact it has on people so maybe you could educate them and get support cos there's a big difference shouting at a fictional character on tv and caring about a family members wellbeing.

Suzi
01-01-17, 12:13 PM
Awesome post from Stella.. I can't agree more!

Paula
01-01-17, 05:38 PM
^^^wss

The_Scientist
02-01-17, 08:42 PM
Yeah, i hear what you're saying, but I'm not sure. My uncle also has depression and they're the same with him. As far as they're concerned it's his fault and he's made himself that way. I mean they practically blame him for having early stage dementia for chrissake.

I'm not shooting down your suggestion, because in different circumstances i would probably agree, but i have no indication that it would be a good idea at the moment.

Suzi
02-01-17, 09:27 PM
But you can't keep on as you are, can you? Something has to change surely?

Paula
02-01-17, 10:43 PM
I dont want advice on this one. I dont even teally expect a reply. I just want to make the comment. Im trying really hard to be happy tonight. Really (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)ing hard. But im just bummed out

Are you feeling any better today?

magie06
02-01-17, 10:51 PM
How are you ?

The_Scientist
02-01-17, 11:14 PM
my brother has flat viewings lined up... (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)

Paula
03-01-17, 12:38 AM
I thought that'd be a good thing

The_Scientist
03-01-17, 08:07 AM
No. When they move mum and dad wont be able to afford the mortgage so theyll be moving to norfolk and ill have nowhere to live. I cant afford to find my own place, thats the only reason i havent yet.

Suzi
03-01-17, 02:04 PM
Have you thought about renting somewhere? What about housing benefit?

The_Scientist
03-01-17, 05:57 PM
Have you thought about renting somewhere? What about housing benefit?

i can't aford to rent anywhere right now, even with housing benefit

Paula
03-01-17, 05:59 PM
Sorry if I'm teaching grandmother to suck eggs, but have you spoken to the council/housing authority?

The_Scientist
03-01-17, 08:23 PM
Sorry if I'm teaching grandmother to suck eggs, but have you spoken to the council/housing authority?

I'm not familiar with that phrase, but i like it.

I haven't yet, i'm going to try and get round to it tomorrow (got a to-do list as long as my arm, but it's second only to health related things).

I sat down and talked it over with my mum. it's just one viewing, and it's possible it's already gone. but if it's not they'll probably take it. it's not actually available until the end of the month and they haven't even had a response from the letting agency yet. it's a difficult one because sure, i was trying to move out anyway, but it's likely im going to have to give up on the volunteering now and get a full time job, which to a large extent closes a lot of doors career wise. I was talking to a friend whos now working in London and his advice was to just make myself available whenever the prganisations want me, but this is obviously mostly unfeasible. so i don't know what to do.

been getting the odd mouth ulcer and nosebleed from stress it seems.

Suzi
03-01-17, 11:48 PM
Have you spoken to your Dr yet?

Are you planning on returning to uni as a student? If so, what about student accommodation?

The_Scientist
04-01-17, 10:00 AM
Have you spoken to your Dr yet?

Are you planning on returning to uni as a student? If so, what about student accommodation?

Got an appointment tomorrow morning.

Wont be going back to uni. Not for the time being at least.

Suzi
04-01-17, 09:03 PM
Glad you have an appointent. Might help to write a bullet point list of what's going on for you - or print out some posts?

The_Scientist
05-01-17, 12:07 AM
Glad you have an appointent. Might help to write a bullet point list of what's going on for you - or print out some posts?

Yeah thats a good idea. Im seeing the same doctor i saw before so that should make things easier.

Also kum days she thinks shes come up with a way we can stay here for a little while after theyre gone. My rent would probably have to increase so uts not ideal, but i fuess itd do for the short term. I may have to look into taking a full time job in aomething unrelated to my field which feels like auch a wrong thing to do, but i guess needs must? I dont know. People tell me i have so many options right now but it feels like nothng could be further from the truth.

Suzi
05-01-17, 12:19 PM
Are you on benefits now or working? How did it go with the Dr?

The_Scientist
05-01-17, 01:40 PM
Are you on benefits now or working? How did it go with the Dr?

Om working but its only part time. The idea was to do that while volunteering for work experience before getting something full time. Not on any benefits myself but im looking into housing benefit.

She gave me information about some local ciunselling services, including the one i was with before that does CBT. She also suggested citalopram, told me to go away and think about it.

Suzi
05-01-17, 01:51 PM
Have you taken citalopram before?
Are you going to contact the counselling services?

The_Scientist
05-01-17, 02:10 PM
Havent taken it before. Probably will get in touch with them, though i will also be looking for some CBT stuff i can try at home.

Paula
05-01-17, 07:28 PM
Can I ask why you're not on any benefits?

Suzi
05-01-17, 09:25 PM
I know you're not feeling great right now, but at least they listened and they've made some constructive options.

The_Scientist
05-01-17, 09:54 PM
Can I ask why you're not on any benefits?

My folks get them, but i dont qualify for any really

Paula
05-01-17, 09:55 PM
Why not?

The_Scientist
05-01-17, 09:58 PM
They looked at the flat and theyre making an offer/bot/whatever its called. Parents are now saying we should be able to stay eithout me goig full time, but to be honest i dont want to be here much longer anyway. If were going to struggle either way, i may as well get out.

As for the citalopram, ive been told the main side effects are nausea and dizziness at the dtart but id have to be oretty unlucky to get anything else, but i dint know how true that is.

The_Scientist
05-01-17, 09:59 PM
Why not?

Or to flip the question around, why would i?

Paula
05-01-17, 10:13 PM
1. If you're looking for work you should be claiming JSA
2. If you're not well enough for work you should be claiming ESA

Suzi
05-01-17, 10:54 PM
Totally agree with Paula. You could even claim Pip too...

The_Scientist
05-01-17, 10:55 PM
1. If you're looking for work you should be claiming JSA
2. If you're not well enough for work you should be claiming ESA

i'm in work though. i'm only averaging around 20 hours a week though. above the benefit threshold, but not enough to live independently on

The_Scientist
05-01-17, 10:56 PM
i'm filling out a council housing application at the moment. struggling with the section asking how my accomodation/living situaton affects my mental illness. i obviously know how it does, but i dont know how to put it in a way that will get across.

The_Scientist
05-01-17, 11:04 PM
we tried PIP ages ago (back when it was DLA) for my eye thing. wasnt eligible. can't see that having changed.

Suzi
05-01-17, 11:06 PM
Then why not claim income support? It does still exist - it's just not advertised anymore. https://www.gov.uk/income-support/how-to-claim

The_Scientist
05-01-17, 11:13 PM
can i apply for that if any of the people im living with claim it?

Jaquaia
05-01-17, 11:13 PM
As for the citalopram, ive been told the main side effects are nausea and dizziness at the dtart but id have to be oretty unlucky to get anything else, but i dint know how true that is.

I've been on citalopram twice now and had hardly any side effects at all

Suzi
06-01-17, 09:34 AM
can i apply for that if any of the people im living with claim it? You can apply for anything.....

The_Scientist
06-01-17, 07:24 PM
You can apply for anything.....

well yeah, but would i get it? there's not point applying if i'm ineligible

Suzi
06-01-17, 10:15 PM
Have you looked to see if you would be?

Paula
07-01-17, 01:06 PM
well yeah, but would i get it? there's not point applying if i'm ineligible


we tried PIP ages ago (back when it was DLA) for my eye thing. wasnt eligible. can't see that having changed.

The thing with most people is they believe they're not eligible but don't have the info to actually make that decision. Until you apply, you just don't know. It's worth sitting down with an Advisor from Citizens Advice or other relevant charities as they'll have more of an idea of what you can claim.

Re PiP, why didn't you apply for DLA re your mental health? MH, depending on how it affects you on a day to day basis, can mean eligibility for PiP. And the claims process, criteria etc are all very different to DLA. It's worth finding out and, again, speaking to a specialist to get support with your claim.

The_Scientist
07-01-17, 05:54 PM
I checked, i am not eligible for income support. i didnt apply fot DLA on mental health grounds because it wasnt an issue at the time, but i didnt qualify on grounds of visual impairment. I can function with the depression (in fact several people have said im a prime example of high functioning depression, if that is indeed a thing), so i can't see me qualifying for it now on those grounds either.

Im putting in an application for council housing at the moment, in which i will mention the mental health. Im aware it probably wont come to anything, but at last i can try.

Paula
07-01-17, 05:58 PM
I'll say this just once again, because I truly hope that you will be able to take this on board. The rules, eligibility and criteria are often very different to what you expect. Please go to your local Citizens Advice and ask for help determining what they (the experts) think you may or may not be entitled to. You may just be surprised.

S deleted
07-01-17, 06:20 PM
I never believed I was eligible either but I had nothing to lose by applying and now I'm £100 a week better off for it. When the decision came through I was shocked. It really is worth speaking with the experts because you've got nothing to lose and potentially everything to gain

Suzi
07-01-17, 10:35 PM
I'm totally with Paula! Go and get some help and see.. You've got nothing to lose and everything to gain...

magie06
07-01-17, 10:39 PM
Why are you not going to get professional help? You've got so much advice from everyone here, are you afraid of something? What will you lose if you go to investigate?

The_Scientist
10-01-17, 11:00 PM
Why are you not going to get professional help? You've got so much advice from everyone here, are you afraid of something? What will you lose if you go to investigate?

i just think it'd be a waste of time

Suzi
11-01-17, 09:41 AM
It's your choice...

The_Scientist
13-02-17, 12:38 AM
So just checking in. Lots been happening. My brother and his harpy have moved out, but due to money troubles and a suicide attempt by my brother in law, he, my sister and my 1 yr old nephew are now moving in. Needless to say, while i fully understand the situation and want to help, im far from happy about it. Suffice to say, i find his brute oafishness oppressive. And thats before you add a baby into the mix. So moving iut looks to be back up there in thw list of priorities.

That said, im going to be atarting a volunteer thing at a bird of prey centee soon so thatll look great on the cv and build connections.

Mood overall? At the moment, pretty good, if a little needy.

Paula
13-02-17, 10:09 AM
That's fantastic about your voluntary work - what a cool thing to do :)

About your BIL..... what do you mean by brute oafishness? Is there perhaps any way you could spend some time with him and get to know him a bit better? Often I find misunderstandings between people lead to perceived issues that aren't really there

Suzi
13-02-17, 10:29 AM
Hi lovely, it's good to hear from you. Glad that your mood is pretty good. Fantastic news about the volunteering - how cool is that? Birds of prey are awesome.
Your poor brother in law -he must be feeling bad and your sister must be finding things tough coping with that and with a one year old! When are they moving in?

The_Scientist
13-02-17, 04:45 PM
They're starting to move in today and they'll probably spread that out over the week. I'm just trying to stay out of the way, partly to stay as unstressed as possible and partly so i dont get put upon as is the norm with my family.

It's really not a case of getting to know him. Theyve been married nearly 4 years so i know him plenty already. Hes just, well, stupid, and loud, and has all the subtlety of a sledge hammer. When he walks around upstairs, the lights shake, and he says hes just heavy footed, which, im sorry, is such a cop out. He starts wailing like a dying walrus at any hour of the day and calls it singing. Dont get me wrong, i sympathise and want him to be well, but im dubious about whether this is really the best solution, and im getting tired of living in a house that may as well have revolving doors fitted. And all this is before the kid moves in.

Paula
13-02-17, 05:08 PM
'The kid'??? That's how you refer to your nephew??

The_Scientist
13-02-17, 06:55 PM
'The kid'??? That's how you refer to your nephew??

I refer to him in many ways, does it matter?

Suzi
13-02-17, 07:07 PM
Actually I'd have thought this is as much to help your sister as much as anything else. I think she must be worried sick. Maybe it'll help you having those others around too?

The_Scientist
13-02-17, 07:12 PM
Yeah it'll help them. I dont begrudge them the space o anything, i just wish i didnt have to be here. I dont see how ivercrowding can be helpful to anyone

The_Scientist
27-02-17, 10:41 PM
Parents have agrred that this was a bad idea, but im managing to not be woken up by the sproglet in the night/early morning anymore. Hiding upstairs helps.

I still cant handle evenings by myself.

Suzi
27-02-17, 11:04 PM
How are you not being woken anymore? Are you spending time with them?

The_Scientist
27-02-17, 11:16 PM
Im not apending loads of time with them but i entertain the boy a lot. Were not really a very "spending time together" kind of family. Im not being woken up because im.just sleeping through it.

Suzi
28-02-17, 11:16 AM
Do you enjoy spending time with him?

The_Scientist
12-03-17, 07:43 PM
Im really struggling right now

Jaquaia
12-03-17, 07:44 PM
What's wrong?

rose
12-03-17, 07:48 PM
What's up?

The_Scientist
12-03-17, 08:07 PM
Tbh i don't really know exactly. I haven't really been right since i came back from Bournemouth. I guess it's the same as it's always been. I need some attention, some love, some care, but everyone's too busy or have more important things and people to attend to. I dont mean that in an attention seeking kind of way. Just that i dont feel like i have anyone i can really rely on. And as much as i want to be able to just rely on myself, I can't. Im so beat down by the weight of things that have happened to me and the fact that no one's ever there that i cant even work up the motivation to change anything.

Jaquaia
12-03-17, 08:09 PM
I know what you mean. I'm still trying to figure out how to change it myself (panda)

The_Scientist
12-03-17, 08:16 PM
I just want someone to care about me

Suzi
12-03-17, 09:22 PM
Oh sweetheart I am sure that not only do you have a range of people who love and care for you, but that you will find the right person for you is out there..

The_Scientist
12-03-17, 09:30 PM
Oh sweetheart I am sure that not only do you have a range of people who love and care for you, but that you will find the right person for you is out there..

But i dont feel like it. Nobody shows it. I reach out to pwople and get nothing back. I don't know what i must have done or how (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)ty a person i must be for that to be the case but it must be (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)ing awful. as much as people tell me thats not true i just dont believe it.

Suzi
12-03-17, 10:24 PM
Are you sure that's reality or is it how you perceive it?

The_Scientist
12-03-17, 10:32 PM
Are you sure that's reality or is it how you perceive it?

What other way is there to explain it?

rose
12-03-17, 11:16 PM
It might have a lot more to do with the people you know, than you specifically. Could that be possible?

Suzi
12-03-17, 11:20 PM
It's something my husband has been working through with the new mh team - it's whether things really are as he thinks they are.. Generally they aren't - it's "just" that he perceives some one to be behaving/acting in a specific way...

The_Scientist
12-03-17, 11:24 PM
It's something my husband has been working through with the new mh team - it's whether things really are as he thinks they are.. Generally they aren't - it's "just" that he perceives some one to be behaving/acting in a specific way...

Id thats the case then ic had a very long chain of bad luck

Suzi
12-03-17, 11:37 PM
IT's got nothing to do with luck. My husband is one of the most amazing people I've ever met. He's had so much to deal with since he was a baby... It's about working what his triggers are, where his issues really lie (mostly his zero amount of self esteem) and that's so hard. I'd ask you to not be so flippant please..

The_Scientist
12-03-17, 11:41 PM
IT's got nothing to do with luck. My husband is one of the most amazing people I've ever met. He's had so much to deal with since he was a baby... It's about working what his triggers are, where his issues really lie (mostly his zero amount of self esteem) and that's so hard. I'd ask you to not be so flippant please..

Im not being flippant. Im making no comment about you or your husband. But when similar things have been happening with people throughout my life its difficult to believe its anything external.

rose
13-03-17, 01:25 AM
I think a person with low self-esteem can get int the habit of attracting the wrong people and clinging to people who do them no good. When that person needs a bit of support then guess what - all those people we have supported and considered your friends are nowhere to be seen.

I have friends who will never ask me how I am, I've learnt to really reduce people like that in my life and only keep the ones who genuinely make my life better even if they are not great friends. I did spend alot of energy on people like that in the past. Now, I have people who care and ask after me, the number of those people has increased, actually since I stated being more honest about my struggles. Perhaps admitting I am not perfect has made me more likable. I try harder with people but I am more ruthless too.

So, what this post is trying to say is, that good people are out there and you deserve good friendships, but you have to let yourself have them, and stay away from (or decrease the number of) people who aren't good friends.

Suzi
13-03-17, 11:15 AM
Im not being flippant. Im making no comment about you or your husband. But when similar things have been happening with people throughout my life its difficult to believe its anything external.Thank you. The thing is as we grow older our friendship circles change and it seems that naturally those friends around us change too. I have friends from my primary and secondary schools on my FB - I couldn't tell many of them how things really are and how I really feel... Yet I've made friends online who I can tell anything to and I know that if I called them then they'd do whatever they could to be there. But I also really believe that you have to try really hard to be able to find positive things about you. If you can't find positives about you then you are always going to believe that you aren't good enough and are unlovable etc...

The_Scientist
25-03-17, 10:51 PM
Got stood up again today. It's very much been a week or 2 of trying to connect with people and having nothing come back to me.

Suzi
26-03-17, 10:43 PM
Sorry about that - how are you trying to meet people?

The_Scientist
01-04-17, 09:22 PM
Sorry about that - how are you trying to meet people?

Mostly online tbh.

Having more health issues. Hospital phoned today about making an appointment on wedneaday, sister took the message (i was at work) but didnt take a number or find out which department it was. Furious they didnt just ask for my mobile number, and that my sister first of all didnt do the obvious thing and second, immediately phoned my parents to tell them the situation. If its about what i think it is, its somethibg i wanted to keep private. Iv also convinced myself that the work cat has given me worms. Its just been an awful day. And i can't even talk to anyone because i have no friends.

Suzi
01-04-17, 09:50 PM
You can get worm medication from any pharmacy.
Sorry it's been such a bad day. I'm sure you can call the hospital and they will be able to help you find out who it was and why they were calling.

The_Scientist
01-04-17, 10:50 PM
You can get worm medication from any pharmacy.
Sorry it's been such a bad day. I'm sure you can call the hospital and they will be able to help you find out who it was and why they were calling.

I did try but couldnt get through. Ill have to try monday. I have a rough idea, but i shant go into it.

I could rly do with some face to facecsuppoet, even just some company. But im clearly not important enough to anyone.

Paula
02-04-17, 09:22 AM
I don't believe feline worms can develop into adults in humans, so you don't need to worry about that.

Suzi
02-04-17, 10:37 AM
Have you actually asked anyone for help?

The_Scientist
02-04-17, 10:39 PM
Have you actually asked anyone for help?

Yep. They're too busy.

Suzi
03-04-17, 10:13 AM
How are things today? Have you spoken to the hospital and found out what it was all about?

The_Scientist
04-04-17, 01:40 PM
How are things today? Have you spoken to the hospital and found out what it was all about?

I concluded eventually that it was the renal unit asking if im free for a rourine appointment. Only they havent booked anything and have no record of having called. So i cant be bothered anymore. I choose to believe it was an elaborate april fools joke.

Suzi
04-04-17, 10:00 PM
Why on earth would anyone play that kind of thing as an April's fools joke?

The_Scientist
05-04-17, 11:43 AM
Why on earth would anyone play that kind of thing as an April's fools joke?

God knows. Ibviously they wouldnt but its currently more logical than the truth.

The_Scientist
12-04-17, 09:57 PM
So im applying for phd, and looking at flatshares in the meantime. If i get the phd ill stick in the current house and sav, pick up some tutoring or busking to get some extra cash. Might do that anyway.

Been a bit melancholy lately, and feeling like ive been selfish demanding so much attention when im not able to give as much back.

Paula
12-04-17, 10:02 PM
Well done for taking steps to improve things :)

Suzi
12-04-17, 11:29 PM
Well done for working hard to change things..

The_Scientist
23-04-17, 11:04 PM
I feel like i need some looking after atm. Not someone to wait on me or do things for me, just some proper pastoral care, that no one seems willing to.give. Maybe im just whining. Am i even allowed to feel like that? I just feel like im having to deal with so much and everyone expects me to just deal with it because they dont know the full extent of it or they think i have support from.elsewhere and i just dont. Im not confident i can really look after myself properly atm.

Suzi
24-04-17, 08:53 AM
Have you spoken to those around you about how you are feeling? What about speaking to your Dr about it?

Paula
24-04-17, 10:51 AM
Have you contacted your local Mind?

The_Scientist
24-04-17, 11:01 AM
Have you spoken to those around you about how you are feeling? What about speaking to your Dr about it?

Ive spoken to a few friends, but theyve not been very sympathetic or helpful. I mean, one of the things bothering me is that im now the last person in the group to live at hme or have a proper job, and while i dont want to conpare myself to other people, its difficult not to sometimes, and im certain that they'll all just be unbearable now. Plus the eye thing is really bothering me lately.

Dollydimple
24-04-17, 12:07 PM
Just want to say Hi (hi)

Suzi
24-04-17, 05:54 PM
Ive spoken to a few friends, but theyve not been very sympathetic or helpful. I mean, one of the things bothering me is that im now the last person in the group to live at hme or have a proper job, and while i dont want to conpare myself to other people, its difficult not to sometimes, and im certain that they'll all just be unbearable now. Plus the eye thing is really bothering me lately.You think your friends will be "unbearable" because you are still living at home? Then you need some better friends love. Get out and meet new people!

The_Scientist
24-04-17, 07:46 PM
You think your friends will be "unbearable" because you are still living at home? Then you need some better friends love. Get out and meet new people!

No, its because theyll all be talking to each other about work all the time and ill have nothing to contribute. Its already like that when they all talk about driving (seriously, how is it possible to talk at length on multiple occasions about driving?!!). To be fair though ive been told a few times i need to get new friends, but this is something i struggle with.

Suzi
25-04-17, 08:51 AM
But what are you doing to change things?

Paula
25-04-17, 10:08 AM
But what are you doing to change things?

This.

Nothing is going to change for the better all the while you're sitting at home doing nothing to help yourself. A lot of us here know what social anxiety means, inc me, and we know it's so hard to get out of the house and do something. Anything. But we do and that's what makes life with this illness more bearable.

The_Scientist
25-04-17, 01:08 PM
Well obviously im not just sitting around the house doing nothing

UncleChip
25-04-17, 03:43 PM
I've been reading back over the last few pages and I know what its like to wonder what I've done to make everyone hate me.
I know what it's like to feel like everyone's judging me, and that I'm not worth the effort that others put into me.

Sometimes those thoughts come back to me.

You're not on your own in these thoughts. You can do great things.

You've been there for you family when they needed a place to stay. You do voluntary work. You are a good person.

All the people who've stood you up don't know what they're missing out on. Don't give up the search, but at the same time, keep trying new things.
You will get there in the end.

Suzi
25-04-17, 09:42 PM
Well obviously im not just sitting around the house doing nothingSo what are you doing?

The_Scientist
18-06-17, 10:50 PM
he threatened me and told me to get out of my own home. and no ones done anyrhing about it. hes refused to sit down and discuss it or to apologise, and no ones done a damn thing. he has zero repect for anyone or anything. and now dad lost his job (not his fault) and so my folks are selling up and moving. im trying to find a new job, i really am, but no ones hiring in my field, and im barely qualified for anything else.

Suzi
19-06-17, 08:10 AM
Sorry, who threatened you?
Is there going to be a room for you when your parents move or are you needing to find somewhere else to live too? Could it be that your field is so niche that jobs hardly ever come up? Can you find something in a similar field and then move over as and when there is an opening?

The_Scientist
10-07-17, 12:43 AM
Sorry for the slow response, its been insane.

My brother in law threatened me. Its a really stupid scenario, but his insistence on having a bath every day instead of a shower, in which he uses a showrrs worthof water before even running the bath to rinse the thing down, has led to my rent increasing. Im obviously not happy about this. He also expects thete to be deathoy silen e after 7pm and iv had a series of abusive texts from him over 2 or 3 months now. Iv finally had enough so when they asked me to turn my tv down this evening (which i had only turned up so i ciuld hear it above their tv), i refused because i still have never had an apology and decided i would not be bullied anymore. So of course i get anothet text, so ive decided im going to report him to the police. Hes overheard and come storming downstairs effing and blinding and generally trying to intimidate me, and i the ensuing argument in which i basically wasnt allowed to speak without being interrupted, mum ended up having a panic attack. Shes going to phone the housing officer (yeah, theres a housing officer involved now too) to get them put into temporary accomodation. Its unfortunate but hes brought it on himself. Still feel really down about the whole thing though.

As for the movng situation, im waiting to see if my brother can put me up so that i dont have to quit my job, butif that falls through my folks have said i can most likely stay with them for a time, though im not particularly cmfortable with that idea.its an option though. If worst comes to it a friend down south has offered to put me up. Im obviously still applyng for things.

Paula
10-07-17, 11:49 AM
I know it's been hard but it's really positive that you've got a few options going forward with somewhere to live :)

Suzi
10-07-17, 01:30 PM
Paula's right. The positives are there...

The_Scientist
08-08-17, 12:41 AM
well, I'm low-key freaking out about the whole thing.

none of my family in the area are willing to put me up. no action has been taken against the savage that my sister is married to, and their moving date keeps getting pushed back. I'm still waiting to hear back from a bunch of things and it's driving me up the wall. the house sale is all going through at the moment so I'm currently debating wheher to just move with my parents and sleep on their sofa for a while, or try to find a flat share and just barely get by.

I've been having long periods of not really feeling anything, besides exhaustion, and I've been really ill lately too.

Suzi
08-08-17, 09:53 AM
It's good to see you. Sorry things aren't going well for you right now. Are there flat share options around? In what way have you been ill?

The_Scientist
08-08-17, 03:11 PM
It's good to see you. Sorry things aren't going well for you right now. Are there flat share options around? In what way have you been ill?

Im looking at flat shares at the moment, all pretty pricey thugh, doesnt leave me a lot at the end of the month. i cant get mor hours, ive checked, and if im going to be looking for another job id rather be looking for something more long term that will let me move away (which im doing anyway) rather than look for a second job just so that i can stay in the area until something else comes up. and ive jut been run down and tired, glands have been up and stuff like that.

Suzi
08-08-17, 04:50 PM
I assume you're looking in the areas you want to move to as well? Tried things like linkedin?

The_Scientist
08-08-17, 05:40 PM
I assume you're looking in the areas you want to move to as well? Tried things like linkedin?

Im only looking locally at the moment so tht i dont have to give up my current job before i have something else. as far as jobs go, im keeping an eye out for anything im qualified for, but its a cae of as and when they appear. i did give linkedin a go, but couldnt really get on with it.

Suzi
08-08-17, 09:39 PM
I assume there is a specific site to look for the jobs you are specifically looking for - as in for teaching jobs TES jobs is one of the best places to look...

The_Scientist
09-08-17, 10:20 AM
I assume there is a specific site to look for the jobs you are specifically looking for - as in for teaching jobs TES jobs is one of the best places to look...

theres actually a few, but theres one that i mainly use its tricky though, becaue im genuinely unsure if i should be applying for entry level or mid level jobs. i have an MSc, but dont really have any experience. im also really hoping to hear back about a PhD in partnership with the ARC trust. its so much my thing the apply button may as well have had my name on it.

Suzi
09-08-17, 02:03 PM
When are you likely to hear about the PhD? Is that staying local to where you are now?

The_Scientist
10-08-17, 01:57 PM
When are you likely to hear about the PhD? Is that staying local to where you are now?

No, I'd be going back to Wales. I should hear in a week or 2.

In other news I've now been told I won't be allowed to see my nephew anymore when I've done nothing wrong, unless you count not cowering innthe face of bullying an harrassment.

Suzi
10-08-17, 01:58 PM
I'm sorry about that... Can you wait for the dust to settle and asking again later?

The_Scientist
10-08-17, 03:37 PM
I'm sorry about that... Can you wait for the dust to settle and asking again later?

Mums going to speak to my sister when she gets in.

Suzi
10-08-17, 10:17 PM
How did it go?

The_Scientist
11-08-17, 08:32 AM
How did it go?

Not well. She's standing by hm, and said she's moving away because apparently I'm being hostile and unreasonable! I haven't done anything wrong! Ive tried to talk things out with him and he won't, so ive tried to talk things out with her and she won't, they just play victim the whole time. I can't keep putting up with this abuse if they just won't budge.

His main issue seems to be that i make too much noise and wake the baby up.except that I've literally never woke yhe baby, and im sorry but i will not fall silent after 7pm. No one else has complained about noise. He on the other hand wakes the whole house up at 6am every morning crashing about the house, assuming that the baby hasnt woke everyone up an hour beforehand. its no wonder the kid doesnt sleep when they put him to bed too early and far too often during the day, and while doing so his dad stands there and shouts at him to lay down for an hour (at lrast).

Even if i were making noise, the reasonable thing to do would be to calmy and politely ask me to keep it down, not send a stream of abusive texts and fb messages. I've now had to block him on every platform. I worry for my sister because he strikes me as an abuser, but if this is what shes chosen (and she has emphatically chosen it), yhen what can i do?

Amaya
11-08-17, 08:42 AM
It sounds like you all would be better off in your own places. I hope that gets sorted out soon. Then you can work on the relationships you choose to in the way that you want.. or don't want.. without the added pressure of trying to share living space.

Good luck with the phd application. What subject is it?

Suzi
11-08-17, 09:21 AM
What do you mean they are putting him down too often during the day and too early?
Are you sure you've never woken him?

Paula
11-08-17, 09:33 AM
What do you mean they are putting him down too often during the day and too early?
Are you sure you've never woken him?

Though, even if that were the case, it would be only fair to talk to you about it ...,

Suzi
11-08-17, 09:38 AM
Absolutely..

The_Scientist
22-09-17, 12:32 AM
So im all moved out now and I got a prescription for citalopram earlier today

Suzi
22-09-17, 10:05 AM
Are you living on your own? With others? Glad you went back to the Dr. Did you manage to tell them everything?

The_Scientist
01-10-17, 05:21 PM
Are you living on your own? With others? Glad you went back to the Dr. Did you manage to tell them everything?

Im living with another guy, we get on pretty well and mostly keep out of eachx others way. I have space vut its bice to have someone around.

I didnt go i to too much detail with the dr, but iv veen seing the same one all through so shes aware of things. Finally managed to pick up the prescription and took the first one yesterday. My god i feel queasy.

Paula
01-10-17, 06:05 PM
I wasn’t around to see your news! Congratulations :)

Suzi
01-10-17, 08:21 PM
Glad it's going well with your new home. Well done for taking the meds - remember that the side effects should ease off in a couple of weeks..

The_Scientist
04-10-17, 06:07 PM
Glad it's going well with your new home. Well done for taking the meds - remember that the side effects should ease off in a couple of weeks..

Thanks. Im taking them around 10ish to minimise the side effects. one thing i have noticed is maybe an increased sex drive? i know conventional wisdom says i should be experiencing the opposite so i dont know if im just imagining it or if itll settle down in a few weeks. who knows?

S deleted
04-10-17, 06:10 PM
Not the worst side effect in the world ;)

The_Scientist
04-10-17, 06:14 PM
Not the worst side effect in the world ;)

hahaha well, agreed, though its a little distracting haha

Suzi
04-10-17, 07:58 PM
Lol.....

The_Scientist
10-10-17, 06:26 PM
so that particular side effect isnt really a thing anymore. havent noticed any kind of effect on mood overall but i guess its still early days. i seemed to have more of a flow at work today at least. at one point i remember feeling like i was almost on autopilot. Ive also been really tired.

Paula
10-10-17, 07:28 PM
It is still early days but hopefully you’ll soon start feeling better. How’s things with your new home?

Suzi
10-10-17, 08:15 PM
Are you getting enough rest? Eating enough? Drinking enough?

The_Scientist
12-10-17, 06:14 PM
Are you getting enough rest? Eating enough? Drinking enough?

These things are up fot debate but i think so. Its possible im not getting enough iron or somethng

Suzi
12-10-17, 08:02 PM
Maybe you could get that checked?

Paula
12-10-17, 09:17 PM
It might be worth seeing if your doctor does a general health check?

The_Scientist
13-10-17, 07:36 PM
It might be worth seeing if your doctor does a general health check?

Im seeing her next week anyway so ill ask

Suzi
13-10-17, 08:41 PM
That's a good plan lovely....

The_Scientist
17-10-17, 12:03 PM
So feep a bit low today. Was my birthday yesterday but it was pretty underwhelming. I dont want to sound (swear)(swear)(swear)(swear)ty but nobody got me anything and i spent most of it on my own. also after that initial spike in aex drive, I've since had trouble getting it up at all, wondering if this is cause to change meds or if it'll pass or wyat. I guess I'll ask thursday.

S deleted
17-10-17, 02:07 PM
Happy birthday for yesterday.

Suzi
17-10-17, 03:26 PM
Sorry you had a miserable birthday. Could you arrange to do something with friends/family etc?

The_Scientist
18-10-17, 12:51 AM
Sorry you had a miserable birthday. Could you arrange to do something with friends/family etc?

Thwres not much point, its been and gone and peole werent terribly enthusiastic at the time. Its fine.

Suzi
18-10-17, 07:46 AM
It sounds like it might matter though as it seems to have upset you...

The_Scientist
06-11-17, 11:19 PM
on the whole im geting on ok with the meds. i had a pretty low couple of days over the weekend but its improving a little. stayed in bed most of today, havent really felt like doing anything, but at least have mostly not felt bad. people have told me that the meds will take away the lows but also take away the highs, which sort of concerns me, but roll with the punches i guess? i dont know. its confusing.

on the up side, im maybe sort of seeing someone, so i guess well see how that goes?

Paula
06-11-17, 11:56 PM
They do even your moods out generally but I’ve found I do experience excitement, happiness, joy etc so they shouldn’t be making you into an emotionless zombie.

It’s lovely to hear you more positive :)

Suzi
07-11-17, 09:54 PM
That's brilliantly positive from you!

The_Scientist
11-11-17, 09:36 PM
That's brilliantly positive from you!

Really? I thought i was being miserable hahaha!

On the whole still doing pretty well, really felt like my old self today. Only drawbacks are still having *some* issues downstairs, and more recently i keep waking up in the middle of the night, probably cant get more than about 2-3 hours in one go. Still getting a full nights worth, but its broken. Having aome weird dreams, which is fine cos thats not hugely unusual for me. Seeing the dr next week and have it all written down so ill get it all addressed.

Paula
11-11-17, 09:48 PM
You’ve come so far since we first met you - you’re awesome!

Suzi
11-11-17, 10:38 PM
I'm so glad you're being proactive and have everything written down to see the Dr. That's really impressive.

The_Scientist
09-12-17, 12:16 AM
Got onnfine at the doctors and overall still doing alright, even if my roommis still a state and im still super tired, mainly from work. I'm getting back into applyng fot a new job, which is still super stressful and tbh, the fact that so many things are listed as entry level that arent, or that everyone expects at least 2 years of volunteer work which i havent had the time or money for, is insane and has really wrecked my confidence, but i guess ill just plough on.

Suzi
09-12-17, 09:52 AM
Glad you got on well with the Dr. I assume you told them everything and were completely honest with them?

Can you write covering letters with your applications about how passionate you are, but haven't been able to kind of thing?

Paula
11-12-17, 11:56 AM
Hey, good to see you :)

The_Scientist
12-12-17, 10:48 PM
got the application in :) my flatmate said i wasnt allowed to watch Rogue One until i did hahaha

so one thing i want to ask, had a couple of evening events sunday and monday that meant i forgot to take my meds sunday and monday night. i took them the morning after and then took the usual one this evening so im back on track. was this the right thing to do and should i be aware of anythig that might occur? its oly really been a few hours discrepency i the grand scheme of things but you never know.

Suzi
13-12-17, 09:03 AM
Remind me, what meds are you taking? You may have a blip later - remember that they don't work in the same was as something like paracetamol does..

Paula
13-12-17, 02:29 PM
I don’t know tbh and would recommend you talk to your GP just to check. Can you get a telephone consultation?

The_Scientist
13-12-17, 11:52 PM
Remind me, what meds are you taking? You may have a blip later - remember that they don't work in the same was as something like paracetamol does..

Im on citalopram. As it happens i have been feeling a littlw off the last couple of days.

Suzi
14-12-17, 10:28 AM
How long have you been on them? Can you go back and speak to your GP and tell them what you are telling us?

The_Scientist
18-01-18, 11:53 PM
so ive been doing pretty ok lately, getting along fine. the only issue im still having is job applications. ive built the whole thing up in my mind and it just makes me really stressed and anxious to face doing it. but then if i dont do it, i also feel stessed and anxious. its just one of those things that has become really easy to get distracted from and to avoid. anyone got any tips to help with this?

Suzi
19-01-18, 09:42 AM
Glad that other things have been going well.
I've always found the best thing is to keep reminding yourself that you are good enough and maybe sit with a friend whilst you do it?
Lovely to see you ;)

Paula
19-01-18, 09:45 AM
Hi Hunni, good to see you :). Maybe it’ll help to take it in chunks eg complete one section then have a cuppa and a sit down, then go back for the next section? Or work on it for 10 minutes, leave it for 10 minutes etc?

The_Scientist
20-01-18, 02:07 AM
ill try these things, thanks :) will also be looking for podcasts to help

Suzi
20-01-18, 11:43 AM
Good idea!

The_Scientist
29-01-18, 12:30 PM
guess who went for a run last night! :)

Paula
29-01-18, 01:05 PM
Woohoo!! Well done (party)

Suzi
29-01-18, 03:10 PM
Did it help?

The_Scientist
30-01-18, 09:46 PM
Did it help?

It did actually, will probably keep going.

On the other hand, i didnt get an interview i was really hoping for so im pretty bummed out about that.

Suzi
31-01-18, 09:05 AM
Sorry you didn't get the interview - Glad that it helped love?!