View Full Version : Time Passing By and Fear of Failure *Triggers*
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Selena, it’s your decision. It’s your life and your career
I'm facing a dilemma, I want to be a freelancer, I'm being fed up with my boss sh..., even with some customers, with translations at night.
Just have to convince my mother...
Can I be rude? I don't mean to be, but I think blunt is probably better...
Our eldest is almost 18. He's been looking at universities and courses. He has chosen that after his A Levels this summer he is wanting to go to a uni on the other side of the country to do an amazing sounding law course. Both of these are HIS choices as it's his life.
My daughter is almost 15. Last term at school she had to pick what options she wanted to take for her GCSE exams in 2 years time. Marc and I guided her, but it's her life and her decision. We chose to let her do the things she loves to do....
Our youngest isn't sure what languages or sciences she wants to do. She's heavily dyslexic and her spelling in English is appalling, however she is excelling in French and Spanish and all 3 sciences and art. What options she picks are HER choice. It's HER life.
Do you see where I'm getting at? My Mum insisted I took Business Studies A Level. I hated it. Every second of it. I did brilliantly in it, but hated it. I would have rathered done something different... I will never make my children take something if they don't want to (unless it's compulsory lol)
It's a sad fact, but your Mum isn't always going to be here and do you really want to be tied to a job you hate and is making you ill when you have so many hopes and dreams of travel and freelance and being your own boss? You will never be as young as you are right here, right now. Do whatever YOU want. Do NOT live your life for her.
OldMike
27-11-18, 03:29 PM
One word to what Suzi posted - AMEN
I couldn't have put it better, you can guide your children but NEVER push them in a direction they don't want to go.
You can't live someone else's life they're taken so just live your own.
Either work for a different company or set out on your own either way don't stay in a job where you're so badly treated.
Life ain't easy for any of us, you're a talented translator Selena so go for it. (panda)
Thank you everybody.
I should definitely go.
She has become dangerous. Especially two last incidents proved it.
Yesterday a man came to her office for translation services, he was from Israel.He shouted at her that she hadn't done her services properly. A translator from my company did it.
Generally, she is good at her job.
But this man came and asked for stamp of sworn translator, because the girl is not sworn.
This man was very nervous and he seemed crazy too.
She asked me to put my stamp and sign like I had done it. I replied instead that I should check it carefully first and refused-NO. He didn't want to wait for proper check
and I refused. She shouted, called me all names, jumped.
A colleague of mine, also sworn translator of English and Romanian, just like me, a good translator who worked nights too. She became sworn this spring, also pair English-Romanian.
We had been recognized as specialists able to translate into English and to present a clear message of Romanian text.
Well, she decided to leave after New Year, because she cannot tolerate it anymore.
She has told me today she cannot imagine how I still survive in this chaos.
She came to my boss yesterday with a statement that she wants to leave.
My boss threatened her and said she would not let anyone sworn go in that simple way, because we will regret.
But she can let her go if she resigns forever and never works as a translator in Moldova.
She has no right because she didn't give us this right, but the Ministry of Justice.
Now the girl has told me she wants to leave in 2 weeks.
She told me other translator who left the company, had also been threatened
I asked how she thinks to sort it out.
The girl said she would go to Labor Inspection and to Police and will record everything if necessary.
My boss has become crazy and dangerous.
Now I think what to do next.
Also: one of managers treated badly my customer (this lady has mental problems due to her). They shouted at her and she was mocked. My boss has began to call people "idiots, carrots, Aspergers".
If I have mental problems, this has nothing to do with her, and that does not make a nothing.
Sorry for any mistakes.
(panda) so, does that mean you’ve resigned? How much longer can you last in that toxic environment, lovely?
OldMike
01-12-18, 09:53 AM
You really need to to resign Selena you can't possibly work under such conditions (bear) (panda)
I would have gone yesterday, if not my mother.
I don't know how to escape from this witch.
I have suicidal thoughts.
Selena, I don't know how we can make you see that you have to leave. If you are having suicidal thoughts then you have to do something about it. You HAVE to get help from the psch/mental health team and you have to leave....
Thank you for your support.
It will be hard to find an official new job before New Year, but I can definitely look up (although have a little time).
Just might God give me strength because it has become impossible.
I would also like to share some of my feelings, inner battle.
I'm feeling sometimes lower in comparison with others because of my mental problems, of this strugle (not related to my work problems). Like I'm feeling guily because I'm unable to be like average persons and to overcome these horrible thoughts.
1 in every 4 people suffer with mental health issues in their lifetime. That sounds pretty average to me ...
I've mostly meant bipolar disorder, suicidal thoughts etc.
That is true, but in my country unfortunately there is still a stigma related to mental health disorders. Although there have been some good changes in this aspect too.
But Selena, you can get help with your health issues and if you stick to the medication and eating properly and getting some exercise you can have a perfectly "normal" life. You seem to allow your diagnoses to weigh you down and become who you are. They aren't. You are so lovely and such an awesome person. Just be kind to you..
Jaquaia
01-12-18, 10:26 PM
Have you actually been diagnosed as having bipolar?
It was one of the doctors' I've seen theory.
He suspected it, but I needed more exams.
I want to sort out anything, just don't know how. Mental health assistance here is rather expensive or I need to wait longer.
Now I'm trying to find a new job with more or less normal salary.
On the good side, I've bought today two nice bra sets.
Jaquaia
02-12-18, 11:53 AM
Then don't assume you have it until you have it officially diagnosed by a specialist. You've had a really tough year, it's perfectly normal to be up and down with everything you've gone through.
I think mental health assistance across the world takes forever unless you can pay - where I live even the self referral IAPT waiting list for treatment is months. Selena, you have to see your doctor.
Ftr, my official diagnosis is bipolar disorder with anxiety. I don’t think I’m bipolar but ultimately the diagnosis is irrelevant to me, it’s the treatment that matters
I completely agree with the others.. Don't self diagnose!
Hey sweetheart, how are you doing? How’s your mum?
I've been wondering the same thing
Thank you for caring.
Pretty the same, I didn't find another well-paid job yet. The only good thing is that my boss slowed down her pressure. I just told her directly I am ready to resign.
My mum is still weak, but is feeling better.
I'm eager to restart my CBT sessions, as I'm very depressed and anxious, although I've been trying to hide this before other people.
Why are you trying to hide how you are feeling?
Does your Mum have a diagnoses? Is she still being seen by the drs?
She has not undergone any new tests so far, cancer tumor was removed, but she still faces some problems even with walking. Yes, she can apply any time to doctors.
She is monitored.
I think too many bad things occurred too quickly, for example I didn't even have time to grieve my grandma's death.
You’ve absolutely had far too many horrible things happen in a very short space of time. How are you coping with work, looking after mum and having responsibility for keeping your home going?
I completely agree. You haven't had time to deal with anything before you've been hit with something else horrible..
Yes, this definitely had an impact, I think I haven't regained yet all my inner forces back.
It is hard, and I've been struggling these days with bad headaches. Sometimes I'm just willing to fade away, althout it's irresponsible of me, I'm simply feeling very down now and worn out.
Are you eating and drinking properly? Taking your meds properly?
Sincerely not enough, now trying to do my best.
You need fuel to keep you going, love. But I know you know that
Sweetheart you've been saying that for ages, you HAVE to look after you. You can't look after anyone else if you aren't fit and well - or as well as you can be. Trust me, I know....
Going to a work party again and again that unpleasant feeling to join this event.
I hope you’re able to enjoy it
I hope you have a lovely time...
I've had some good moments with my colleagues, although my boss was as usually pretty fake, but I appreciate those moments.
Glad you had some good times lovely!
Not a day goes by without thinking about your support, otherwise it would have been much harder for me to survive.
Because of many circumstances, and I should pretend to be in good mood at home.
We've had some photos from the party. No, my mom didn't mentin anything about "deformed", but still that I'm not looking exactly healthy, being anyway over weight. But, as for me, I think I should be proud of what I'm.
Yes, I'm not ideal, but even perfect women without consequences of illness have failed in love. So, the most important is to care about myself, my health, the things not always easy.
As for my failures, especially recent ones on dating sites, I've just decided to take a break from dating for a while.
I knew a couple a while back. He was skinny while she was seriously overweight. She talked about losing weight but he discouraged her - saying he loved her just the way she was. While maybe not a healthy approach, it showed me that loving someone has absolutely nothing to do with weight, the size of your nose, the length of your hair (Si has always preferred mine short despite every other partner he had having long hair) or any other aspect of your appearance.
That is true too, like my mom now thinks that too skinny is a nightmare too.
Well, I've tried to focus on positive features beyond physical ones, and in this way I managed to switch on from other topics.
Marc has known me at my smallest and my largest. He's known me in better health and in rubbish health. Sweetheart you have to find a way to get through this. You aren't built like a size zero supermodel and that's good! Be you!
magie06
27-12-18, 04:30 PM
Selena, we have a cosmetics company here called the Body shop, and one year their Christmas posters bore the slogan - there is only 4% of the population built like supermodels, be yourself! It has always stayed with me. Be yourself, you are the only one of you in the whole world.
That's an awesome poster campaign!
I've been at CBT session and feeling very relaxed.
That's great! Are you going every week?
Unfortunately not. But hope I'll sort it out.
Oh no why not? When are you going next?
Wishing everybody on DWD Happy New Year!
All of you are very very special to me, the people I've met here showed me empathy and love, encouraged me in my daily struggle and literally to mentally survive.
Hope a calm and lucky year for everybody!
Hope one day meeting you!
Hope the coming year is better than the last for you, hunni
Do you think a man can accept me as I am (from mental and psychological point of view)?
I mean a depressed woman.
A female colleague's words hurt me (although there was no hint about me). That men like smiling, dancing and jumping women, others cannot make them interested.
But I'm as I'm, not permanently jumping, smiling etc. I cannot fake to catch someone's attention.
Selena, I don't wish to be rude, but you seem to think that there are lists of reasons why someone wouldn't be with you - you've never stopped to say about what what you want in a person.
There is no reason at all that someone wouldn't want to be with you. Stop making excuses and do things that mean that you will be able to get and meet real men! Join a choir or a gym or a chess group or whatever, just stop hiding away. Stop listening to all the rubbish and horrible things that those around you say and get out and live... Do something different from work and beat yourself up!
Jaquaia
06-01-19, 09:20 PM
To be just as blunt as Suzi, what your colleague said is a load of bull(swear)(swear)(swear)(swear). Look at how strong Paula's relationship is with her husband, he accepts and loves her for everything that she is. Look at how strong Suzi's relationship is, her and Marc accept each other completely and support each other no matter what. I've lost count of the number of times that J has held me while I cried or just sat talking me through a meltdown over the phone. He knows that I'm a little bit broken and he just tells me that he's a model-maker and he has plenty of glue to help put me back together. He loves me for exactly who I am, the same as Si loves Paula, the same as Marc and Suzi love each other through all of their health problems. True love sees past all of that, it sees the person you are. But how is anyone gojng to see who you are if you hide yourself away???
I'm fine, thanks. Your points are perfectly right and make sense.
I'm just feeling trapped at the moment, living in permanent fear regarding my mom's condition.
Sweetheart you can't live your life worried about your Mum's health suffocating you.
Just wanted to say I'm feeling better, although the whole psychological recovering process is not easy at all.
What’s been happening with psych stuff? And how’s your mum?
I'm still waiting for free counselling. My mom has not always followed doctor's prescriptions, but thank God, she is fine.
Why isn't she following the doctors prescriptions?
Are you getting out and about and meeting other people?
Strugglingmum
03-02-19, 08:53 AM
Hi Selena.
It's good to hear from you again.
I'm glad both you and your mum are feeling better, last year was certainly a huge struggle for both of you.
I guess like all of us it's going to take time to heal psychologically. Hope you get your counselling soon.
Meantime I hope you are able to get a bit of you time to go out enjoy people and spend time with people who make you laugh. (bear)
She is generally following, but she is very obstinate.
I cannot say that I'm getting out often this time of year, because the weather is horrible.
BUT I've made a few local friends or strengthened the old acquaintances I've made. These people had been rather nice and try to contact me, if I'm absent. They know so little about me anyway.
And hoping to have a nice holiday in summer and to find a new normal job too.
I’m so pleased you’re getting to know some more local friends - I think it’s so important to be able to get out and meet people face to face
These are mainly the people related to my work -either customers or ex colleagues.
I hope for a mini-holiday or a city break. It will be either Tunisia (if there is a special promotion and my friends agree to go there too).
Maybe Latvia so that I can see my dad (but that is unknown yet). I've been also thinking about London or Rome citybreak.
But all these are dreams...because there is some time until summer and it depends on my mom's condition too.
So glad you are making friends and going out!
Why Tunisia? Is it somewhere you particularly want to go?
I'm sure that you will come up with something fabulous!
I wanted to go there some time ago, but this travel agency called me and told me they have special offer for this year.
Nothing is known yet.
If I go to visit my dad, then I will be maybe able to take a short city break to London or Edinburgh.
Then I will be happy to meet you. Hoping anyway to meet you one day in real life, the people who have never judged me and accepted me as I am.
If you feel very frustrated, how do you manage to take more or less appropriate decision?
Jaquaia
10-02-19, 03:33 PM
That all depends on the decision. Why don't you talk it through with us lovely?
I'll put it down, just having felt depressed these days and my thoughts have been a little bit messed up.
Jaquaia
10-02-19, 04:03 PM
You can always come and talk to us
I've had a misunderstanding with my dad. He had promised before that I could come in Latvia in summer and find a job. Now he has told that his mother doesn't want anyone in their house, neither his girlfriend, nor me...regardless of the person.
I'm feeling betrayed and don't really want to visit them.
Oh, it sounds like he didn’t discuss this with his mother beforehand. My husband is good at doing those sort of things ..... do you know your grandmother well?
Could you stay somewhere near to them?
I don't know yet, but that's a good idea, Paula. I could suggest something, but thank God I have not applied yet and have not paid the air tickets that are rather expensive.
I'd also suggest staying somewhere near, rather than staying with them.
I'm still a little bit frustrated and deeply depressed. I think all this due to the events I have passed through recently, the imminent smell of death...But also harsh work schedule (although my boss calmed down for now), and the fact that I'm losing slowly weight and cannot really accept myself.
On the good side, I've came across a psychoterapist in the same building I'm working in. Well, they are private, but I might consider it anyway (some sessions) because the waiting seems infinite here. I've even briefly talked to her, but they use "psychodrama" method, do you know something about it? What are your thoughts?
I’d not heard of psychodrama, tbh, but in principle it sounds interesting. Are they accredited?
You have been through a lot recently, hunni, and I really believe you need professional help. Please, please find that help
In what way can't you accept yourself? It's good you're losing weight if you are trying to...
I think that psychotherapy can be really helpful.. It's like every therapy though, some works for some and not for others.... I would definitely suggest giving it a go!
I'll try to find out more and sort it out. And yes, they are certified specialists.
You won't know if it works for you unless you give it a go!
I have not decided yet where to go in June, but I'm considering going to London in June for a city break.
I shall be very grateful for any suggestions to make it easier and where to stay in order to be safe.
Jaquaia
16-02-19, 03:41 PM
A lot will depend on budget, how long you're staying for and your interests/what you want to see.
Then I guess there is still time for me to decide until April-May. It will be anyway a very short stay, because I have some other duties, but summer I think is one of the best periods.
Jaquaia
16-02-19, 04:04 PM
London is a massive city. Start doing some research now, things to do/see etc and start writing a list of things that interest you. Once you have a list it will be easier to work out a budget and narrow down somewhere to stay.
London is a massive city. Start doing some research now, things to do/see etc and start writing a list of things that interest you. Once you have a list it will be easier to work out a budget and narrow down somewhere to stay.
That made me giggle. See, I’m fairly close to London and never saw it as that big - but then most of my family lived in different parts of London so I’m used to it.
I will say this, Selena, although there are certain areas to avoid, I’ve never felt unsafe there. It is, however, very expensive .....
Yes, that is why I thought about a city break. If I go to Latvia and stop just for a very short time in London.
Jaquaia
16-02-19, 05:23 PM
That made me giggle. See, I’m fairly close to London and never saw it as that big - but then most of my family lived in different parts of London so I’m used to it.
I will say this, Selena, although there are certain areas to avoid, I’ve never felt unsafe there. It is, however, very expensive .....
It's huge to me! You can drive from one side of Hull to the other within half an hour, unless traffic is horrendous!
I used to live in various parts of London and don't see it as big either! (rofl)(rofl)(rofl)
Jaquaia
28-02-19, 08:53 PM
I've noticed you sign in a few times Selena but never talk. How are you doing lovely?
I was wondering how you are doing too.... This is a safe space lovely, we're your friends. Talk to us...But maybe at around 210 pages you might like to start a new thread?
Thank you for caring, I've been through a mixture of happier and sadder moments.
The situation has calmed down so far at work. I wanted many timesto put down a few things here, probably was just too tired and confused.
Yes, it will be nice to open a new thread.
Can you please name my new thread "Selena on the Way to Wonderland" (just want to keep on positive!)?
Jaquaia
01-03-19, 07:32 PM
Just start a new thread lovely and one of us will lock this one once you have.
I'll take occasionally a look at the old too, because there is a lot of memories in it.
Jaquaia
01-03-19, 07:42 PM
It will still be here, just locked so no one can post on it :)
As Jaq has said, no one will take this one away, just have a fresh and new one. It's good to do that now and again, like starting a new chapter... I'll lock this for you now, so you can start on your new one!
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