View Full Version : Time Passing By and Fear of Failure *Triggers*
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Be kind to yourself lovely. Let it sink in properly.
All is not lost selena. They have said that the cancer can be dealt with, and I'm sure they'll do their best. Try not to think too far ahead, focus on the positive side, that they can possibly treat your mum with maybe a good outcome. But like everyone has said, be good to you, that is most important. Everyone here is rooting for you.(panda)
Today she has returned again in the evening at home. She feels happy just concerned over loss of weight.
I've been to my office today and stayed a little, and had a little walk in the nearby park.
Well done for getting in a walk. Did you talk to your boss at all?
Glad Mum is home. Does she have to go in tomorrow? Have you sorted an oncologist?
We have talked through the Hr manager as she had been busy. We agreed about easier working schedule for me this week.
Yes, today she was officially dismissed. She will stay home, she will go for a check at hospital in 2 weeks.
OldMike
06-09-17, 03:01 PM
(bear) (panda)
Glad you talked and have an easier week.
How is your Mum lovely? How are you coping with her and your Grandma?
magie06
07-09-17, 10:12 AM
I hope you are managing to juggle everything successfully. Thinking of you and remembering your mum in my prayers.
My mum is feeling a little better, but very fragile. Sometimes she doesn't feel well enough, the recovery process is very slow and let's say it's stable for moment.
It's hard. Grandma is calmer but she generally obeys, although her dementia has progressed. However she takes her pills.
All positive with mum and grandma then? Are you looking after yourself? Are you getting any rest?
It's all going OK then lovely?
Not quite and I barely could have any rest.
Today I have been all day long on the roads. My mom experienced a few problems.
My anxiety has grown also because my boss's pressure (although she agreed in the end to give me less work now) and my mom is depressed too but she refuses any professional help. I don't know what to say. She told that she would die if I didn't listen to her, that I'm not an obedient daughter, that I'm not a good Christian willing to go regularly to church, that I've already buried her! I understand the reason and I'm deeply hurt, all this because of this f...illness, but I don't agree with some of her statements, nor does she in the depth of her soul, I'm sure.
She also refuses any professional help with grandma. She is very stubborn.
Selena she shouldn't be saying such horrid and hurtful things to you. She's completely wrong. You are perfect as you are.
She calmed down anyway and I hope the things will improve further.
If she accepts psychological assistance, it would be much easier, but that's unlikely.
Sweetheart don't listen to her nonsense. Maybe tell her that if she can't say something nice or supportive then maybe she could keep those comments to herself. You are doing more than enough right now.
She actually said in the end some nice things and thanked me, but she obstinately refuses any professional psychological assistance.
Could you get them to come out and meet her?
Or maybe her cancer doctors could talk her into talking to someone?
Maybe it can be sorted out with the doctors, I should meet them first.
OldMike
09-09-17, 02:10 PM
She shouldn't say such things to her daughter, you are beautiful as you are Selena (bear)
Thanks, Mike.
She doesn't question my physical features, mostly my other features or she has fears, inner struggles.
She said she doesn't need any psychologist as she trusts in God.
Then maybe she should try to be a better person and not say such nasty things to you....
We apparently had a good time in the evening, I;ve made some skype photos while talking to a friend. But she later started crying.
and I was on the edge too. She felt worse and maybe will go to her surgeon for consultation.
I'm very anxious, studied some forums with this rare form of cancer. It's hard but I hope we'll sort out from this.
You're both under a lot of stress, hunni, and you're going to both be on edge and tearful. That's to be expected. Which is why you've got to try to be kind to each other and yourselves. Maybe seeing her doctor will be helpful for your mum, I'm sure you both have more questions now that you've had time to think about it all
I'm concerned about you in all this love. You are so worried about everything all of the time. Knowledge is useful, but don't over research and make things seem worse than they are...
My Mom feels better, she started cooking somethinbg light (in my absence!) and is very willing to do something.
But recovery process is slow, she is very skinny yet and experiences some difficulties too.
She respects recommendations generally and stays at home.
That's good to hear. She's eating, she's listening to what she's told to do and she's improving. All these will help her,in the fight ahead.
Are you eating? Getting rest? Looking after yourself?
I'm trying to do my best as I'm aware that now I'm responsible for more things.
Not too much rest, as I'm bothered about many things at once and it's often difficult to focus onto something.
I'm glad she's showing improvement lovely. Hopefully that will help you too.
I'm better, my mother does too, but sometimes I'm hunted by bad thoughts of death and cancerophobia.
Also experiencing some health problems, I think everything is related to the current situation.
What health problems? Have you seen your Dr?
Headaches, nausea, general tiredness. Yes, but haven't discussed all problems.
Oh sweetheart, I know you've been so busy with so much going on, but why haven't you talked about everything?
I think that is because of being busy and of all this sudden burden on me. Or maybe my thoughts had been too messy...
It's hard, but my condition improved a little and my mom's condition is worse, it's such strange, sometimes I'm on the edge and ready to start crying at work, but sometimes I forget about my mom's cancer like this was just a nightmare...If it only had been this way.
Sometimes I faced mood swings like culpability, anxiety, suicidal ideas...I listened to religious songs, but also had 2 sessions with a psychologist.
I did a mistake basing earlier only on a man from dating site. Then I subscribed to closer dating site again and as this specialist said: "Never be afraid to lose a man, no matter who he is and what your feelings are". Don't hurry to decide either.
There is someone really respecting me, he is handsome and lives not too far from me, only that he is not my classical type.
Does it matter if they are your "classical type"? In what way are they not?
I don't know how to explain, these are basically stupid things.
Someone for example is more about Leo Di Caprio type, the others are more fond of Johny Depp.
S deleted
30-09-17, 08:59 AM
Ok so this guy isn’t your usual type, but that is probably a good thing cos let’s be honest, the men you go for don’t exactly seem to be the right ones. It doesn’t hurt to try something different to see if you like it.
OldMike
30-09-17, 10:40 AM
This man isn't you usual type (personality wise or looks wise?), maybe that is a good thing. Do you get on well together? If so just see how it goes.
Marc wasn't "my type" either, but we've been together for over 18 years and married for over 10 and we have 3 children together. Step outside your comfort zone and try! Go out for a coffee or something with them and see if you like him!
I mean in matter of looks first.
I also have stronger academic degree, but this doesn't matter so much in fact.
He is very calm and he has said himself that he will feel happy even if we remain just friends. He is not bad looking either and we get on very well - it is still the beginning, but he seems to be the "best" of my "admirers" so far. And the way he treats a woman - that's nice.
S deleted
30-09-17, 01:09 PM
Sounds like a decent enough guy.
Then see how things go ;)
Actually feeling lost and not very happy. My mom's condition is slightly better, but still there are some problems.
Her surgeon told that she has a very rare cancer type and her case presents interest for medicine too.
I'm feeling less anxious at work but later I feel like I'm getting stuck in the depressive and suicidal mares, because I'm unable to change anything.
Oh hunni I'm so sorry about your Mum. Do you have support? Over here we have the MacMillian Cancer charity who provide such great support, help, advice etc... Can you access something like that?
If you are still dealing with suicidal thoughts can you get to see your Dr and get some help? You are important.
Thank you everybody.
Unfortunately we do not have any specialized center, the only real support was proved by her surgeon.
I can try to see what I can do, yes, that's hard time indeed.
Can you get an appointment with someone?
OldMike
23-10-17, 05:27 PM
(bear) (panda)
Not now probably.
Why not?
Jaquaia
23-10-17, 08:32 PM
Selena, it's vitally important that you keep yourself healthy, including mentally. Looking after your mum will be draining enough as it is without you being unwell too.
Yes, you are right, as I'm feeling most of the time useless and lost. Also health complaints.
I've made some sessions at a private specialist and now they are available in a month or so.
Good, I’m relieved to hear that :)
I'm glad you've made some appointments, but hunni what are the health complaints? Can you get to see someone about those?
Yes, first of all vertigo and related moods. I can see my GP so that she can refer me to another specialist.
Vertigo is a horrible thing to suffer from Selena. The sooner you see someone the better. Are you eating and drinking properly? Getting enough sleep? (panda)
Definitely get to see your GP asap lovely.
I think I have some problems with sleep, but trying to do my best.
Then get an appointment lovely...
Actually the things are not exactly like I want them to be, but I'm happy my mom feels better.
As for my boss, it is very hard with her and to please her too, as for her assistant (husband) he is always rather nervous and apparently hating us all. We have had just a few men in our company and I've never got why he has always had so much vile against the girls.
As for dating sites, there are many sick people out there, even sending indecent pics.
The man I talked to, he is probably a good friend and proved it, but unfortunately there is no sparkle between us.
Some days ago a Romanian from London contacted me, I thought him to be apparently an educated guy. But he insisted on more pics from me and that I should be submissive.
But what left me shocked it was his racism: he said he cannot stand coloured people there, he himself being not Romanian but Roma origin (judjing by his appearance) and not proper educated. He started insisting on his theories and I blocked him, especially because such people like him probably cause wrong impression about others.
Well done for blocking him, Selena
I completely agree that you've done the right thing blocking him. You don't need that kind of rubbish in your life.
It's difficult for me to undertake all responsibility and to stand up to the whole pressure around.
My boss and managers, fears for my mom and fearing to develop cancer myself. My mum feels better thank God, but she blames me for not being so active in church life and that the Muslims I talked to could have used some magic against me so that I get sick (one of priests told her once about their "magical powers").
Each time I experience some pain, I become very anxious as I know she has developed this illness. This Sunday I woke up really broken psychologically and physically. However I'm afraid because of my previous health complaints that I can develop something more.
Generally we get along well and the most important for me is trying to be enough good daughter and I'm dreaming that this nightmare passes away and I can have a good holiday.
Jaquaia
29-10-17, 05:20 PM
Trust me when I say that you have in no way caused your mums cancer. If not been active in the church caused cancer my whole family would have died years ago. Just as there is no magic that will cause cancer. Cancer is purely a gene mutation. It can be caused by genetics or by lifestyle or environmental factors. You have in no way caused it so please try and put it out of your mind. You're a good daughter (panda)
Yes, thank you for support.
She said nothing against me just generally telling that she fears about me as I haven't attended church so frequently last time. And that some different religion men can harm me from distance, but I think she is just being anxious herself.
Yes, I coped with spiritual crisis, but I tried to pray with my own words basically.
Sorry hunni, but I don't know of any Muslims who can cause cancer by magic or by you not going to Church. What she says is so wrong lovely.
Yes, I coped with spiritual crisis, but I tried to pray with my own words basically.
Which is exactly what you need to be doing (bear)
I've found time and went to GP, was prescribed some medications for 10 days and referred to some specialists. Although she supposes it was caused by the stress I've been through the last months.
Last night I had a bad nightmare also involoving my mom, just fearing now to fall asleep again.
What medications and which specialists? I'm really, really, really pleased you made time to go and see your Dr lovely.
Well done, lovely, for getting to see the doctor.
She prescribed Magne B6 and cinnarizine for 10 days, and referred to neurologist and endocrinologist specialists.
As for mental health specialists, here GP is not responsible in case of adults.
Who do you need to see about your mood?
We have a few good private specialists.
Can you try to get to see someone?
Yes, but I doubt it will be possible now.
I'm waiting for my salary and then it will be possible to make an appointment, it will likely be in two weeks as it's not covered by medical policy.
Oh OK that makes more sense! :) Hope you get that appointment lovely, do try to make it a priority.
How are your Mum and your Grandmother?
Suzi’s right. I get that you need pay but, when that happens, you really do need to see someone. You need to be as physically and mentally strong as you can right now
Yes, you are both right.
My mum is better, but she is very stubborn and tries to be too active, and grandma is fine.
Your Mum sounds as stubborn as me ;)
Today they have taken blood tests from vein and my arm has some horrible mark as result, like inner blood clot. I got scared, not talking about my mom, now feeling better.
But I will get to know some results by next week.
My boss is not the worst, but certainly a strange person, mocking of people and later making them gifts (although after my mom's illness, she became more patient). So she arranged for me a surprise - ticket at the cinema for premiere of "Murder on the Orient Express".
;) I always get bruising from blood tests as my veins are very narrow and hard to find - and I have to have them at least every 3 months. The marks disappear, I promise
Wow! That's a lovely surprise from your boss!
I've only just had a bruise go after my operation - over 3 weeks ago! It's totally normal to get bruising after a blood test lovely x
magie06
12-11-17, 01:23 PM
Hi Selena. I hope your mum and your grandmother are in good form. I bruise very easily too. Yesterday I had a backpack with me when I was in Dublin, and when I was putting it on my back, I bruised my arm putting it into the strap. I have a huge bruise on my arm that will probably take about a week to disappear. I think the medication means I bruise very easily.
Thank you, magie, it seems to have got better.
Like you know, I had been on Saturday at the premiere of the movie "Murder on the Orient Express". I wanted to see the 2017 version and my boss (what a surprise!) bought for some of us the tickets as a premium. It was nice and unexpected from her part. I enjoyed the movie and all of us were pleased too. One of the guys took some photos for boss and for us. When I saw the photo, I didn't think I looked worse than usually.
Well, my boss regardless of her crazy ideas and pressure, likes to promote her employees on social links, on her official page. For this, I don't enjoy so much the events, although I have a colleague who is fatter than me. Well, it's not about it. My boss put a photo.
My mom saw it and said that my condition is worse and that I'm looking not good and lost of my charm after the tragedy happened to her, that I'm ill and it's probably everything worse (maybe she is right, who knows). And that my period is late, but really I've had this year more periods than in the last 10 years, yes, there is stress too. I've been trying my best, I try to find out the truth, the reasons for my illness, I know she is anxious but this only increases the level of my anxiety and fear of cancer and death. I've lost some weight, but I cannot make it myself, or really the slender"me" from many years ago was better than I'm now? I think my depression is the only bad thing, otherwise I'm more accomplished and my inner world became more empathic and I've learned to be more humble.
Then she said why I'm so reserved and shy, but how can I be different if I'm reminded about it again and again?
I know she is not guilty and she is afraid of me too, but what am I expected to do, to hide forever?
Now I've started thinking that maybe it woud be better to remain single or maybe I don't deserve happiness.
She refuses psychological assistance, and that's hard. My mom told me only Church can return my charm, but I regularly attended religious services for years!
Yes, some miracles happened too, but I pray God that we shouldn't get worse and to protect us like other humans.
I'm just tired and sincerely not thinking I'm so horrible nor that everything resumes to temporary body standards.
Yes, she attended churh, but this didn't unfortunately save her from cancer diagnosis.
I love her, but she is stubborn and sometimes didn't even obey to medical orders. I know she did not intend to be mean, and she just wanted the slender variant of me back.
I tried dieting, but endocrinologist warned me that people with hormonal disorders can destroy their system through dieting and exercising without medical prescriptions.
Sorry for any grammar mistakes...
I'll put the photo later...
I'm also afraid of not being enough good daughter, that we had been cursed, that cancer and some other illnesses can eat us out.
I know that sounds stupid, at the moment only work saves me from getting mad, but this with drpping out my boss's occasional pressure.
You’re not fat, you dont look ill. Actually, you’ve got a pretty face. Only church can return your charm??? You never lost your charm! There is no ‘variant’ of you, you are you no matter the outside shell and she should be grateful to have such a loving, devoted, caring daughter. Without you she wouldn’t have got through the last few months
OldMike
13-11-17, 11:18 AM
You've a beautiful face Selena and you're a delightful person so warm and kind.
Thank you so much for encouragement.
Actually, I talked to online psychologist and he told me there is no place for shame, everybody is beautiful in his own way and we shouldn't try to appear in different way.
He said it is hard period I'm passing through, but this will pass away and there will be better days for sure.
As for my mom, it is hard without her refusal to accept any psychological counselling.
magie06
13-11-17, 07:03 PM
I'm sending hugs your way. (panda)
Hang on - is this the photo that you shared on Facebook? I think you look lovely!
Yes, Suzi and thanks.
She calmed down too and says she had been just anxious.
But she keeps on saying nasty, hurtful things to you and it's not fair....
She told that she wishes I had perfect health.
I told that if we agree to accept ourselves in the current situation, it will be better, just to follow treatment and try to stay positive. My mom agreed, and I hope her anxiety will minimize,as mine is also a daily struggle.
My mum wishes I had perfect health too, she’d never tell me I’d lost my charm because of it!
I think she has serious anxiety issues. I talked calmly as she is very ill, it's very bad though that she refuses any psychological assistance. Her argument is that the spiritual treatment is to be found basically in church.
My mum wishes I had perfect health too, she’d never tell me I’d lost my charm because of it!
Same here...
I think she has serious anxiety issues. I talked calmly as she is very ill, it's very bad though that she refuses any psychological assistance. Her argument is that the spiritual treatment is to be found basically in church.
Sweetie, with the best will in the world, she’s always talked to you like this. Theres no excuse for this - illness or no illness, you’re her daughter and you deserve her love and respect
We've received some good news, but there are also some things under question.
My mom's cancer stage is third, but she underwent successful surgery and there are no metastasis detected so far although we live in permanent fear.
As far as it concerns me, I got today appointment with the second endocrinologist (the first was private one) and she was really positive.
My blood tests results are good and normal. This is a good step, but I should undergo some more complex additional tests to exclude any serious hormonal troubles and related problems. I'm a little stressed, but the doc has said it would be better to find out the truth anyway and the prognosis of treatment is probably fine.
My poor veins, now comes the second arm...
That does all sound like good news.
Drink loads of water before you have a blood test, it should help at least a little.
Found out the results, nearly everything fine, just saddened by one thing.
Rather high insuline rezistance, but doctor calmed me that it could be corrected, it was also due to the last stress.
My mom found out the results and already supposed horrible diseases, although the doc said that's due to PCOS and nothing related.
"It's losing just a battle, not a war" - said he.
So there’s nothing wrong that can’t be dealt with by you looking after yourself better? That’s great news and I hope you’re going to be a bit kinder to yourself from now on .....
Yes, there is a plan, but I want to find a good endocrinologist first, this really bothers me.
Jaquaia
17-11-17, 08:50 PM
It's easily rectified Selena. I'm on a drug called metformin for that reason.
Thank you everybody for support, as I've started to get anxious about it.
ophelia
17-11-17, 09:36 PM
hugs if wanted.
I can't believe where 2017's gone, and I can't believe that most of the year's been wasted.. with me accomplishing nothing.
I always say the next year is worse than the previous, and I do fear failing at life
getting old and having nothing to look back on..
magie06
17-11-17, 10:37 PM
Can I just say that I think you are doing so well. You've really had a bad year and yet you are still so cheerful and positive on your thread. Well done. (panda)
Thank you everybody for support, as I've started to get anxious about it.
I can understand that, but really this isn't a massive issue lovely. You can work with this one.
I hope so, especially compared to my mum's situation, but doc said that I should follow proper treatment in order to exclude possible consequences and cancer risks in the future. As to my mum, when I returned home she showed me a lot of web articles on horrible illnesses related to IR. Well, we agreed to calm down.
magie06, it is really hard to keep positive, but I'm really trying not to lose hope despite some hard moments. I have a lot of fears, but hope the upcoming year will be better indeed.
Sweetheart your Mum always jumps to the worst case scenario and makes things out to be 100 times worse than they really are.
OldMike
18-11-17, 01:37 PM
Rather high insuline rezistance, but doctor calmed me that it could be corrected, it was also due to the last stress.
My mom found out the results and already supposed horrible diseases, although the doc said that's due to PCOS and nothing related.
"It's losing just a battle, not a war" - said he.
That's what I was developing (started about 10 years ago) but a change in life style and cutting down on sugar has changed that where as 10 years ago I was verging on being type 2 diabetic, I'm now in the normal range. So Selina you should be able to manage your insulin resistance (basically you're making enough insulin but your cells can't use it like they should).
magie06
18-11-17, 02:40 PM
Are you having a nice Saturday?
Yes, Mike, that's very good and I'm happy for you overcoming this problem. I hope I'll be able to make this possible too by following appropriate treatment. I wonder about the reasons as I've always apparently eaten normally, my mom was more of a sweet tooth but she has never put weight either. He said it might be related to physical or psychological trauma occasionally, but in fact there is no need to search for causes in the past, but to follow instead right steps from now on.
magie06, yes, a quiet but rather nice day.
For some people, it just happens. My dad is the healthiest person I know but he’s in the same boat.
Yes, sincerely I have taken only valium in the most anxious recent times and nothing else.
Sometimes I think the reason behind my failure of finding genuine life partner so far is due to my anxiety and physical problems. It might not be exactly true but once friendship starts developping into something more I'm a bit afraid of what comes next.
Maybe you need to spend time getting to see the specialists - you keep saying you are going to see a specialist counsellor and you haven't done that. I worry that you are trying to find love when you really need to focus on you and getting you more stable and happier and stop listening to your Mum saying nasty things...
I'll see them.
Now I'm feeling so bad, I'm missing my only spiritual mentor and unprofessional psychologist - a priest of Orthodox Church and my confessor for some years.
He is such a kind person and he always was kind to my mom and me, he always insisted on more caring about me and receiving professional help.
Now I cannot get in touch with him as he went abroad and probably a period of spiritual silence.
Missing him so much...
Is there anyone else you could be talking to?
It's a little bit hard to find someone suitable.
Well, I can at least find some time and try.
Can you make it a priority?
I'm expected to make 2 more blood tests and have an appointment with another endocrinologist.
And treatment is expected to start soon, but I'm a little bit afraid too.
What particular side eff3cts worry you?
Like nausea and possible diarrhea, it is impossible to work in the office in such condition.
What treatment do you think will be given that’s going to have those sort of side effects?
Selena I've been taking metformin for about 3 months and I haven't experienced any of those side effects at all.
Thank you, suzi, this gives a hope that everything is not so bad as it seems.
No love, it's really not...
It's so strange...but when I'm put down by these horrible mood swings and thoughts, sometimes I feel ashamed of myself because of my mom's illness in comparison with all this.
Sometimes I think I won't be courageous enough to succeed in my treatment.
Selena, it's taking a pill a couple of times a day. That's not anything to be "courageous" about at all.
Thank you, Suzi, your last comment made me smile.
However I have a question.
Who do you think I can talk to if I have a big inner spiritual conflict?
Do you have a local priest you can trust? Or a counsellor? What kind of spiritual conflict?
Religion related, my thoughts, my mom's condition and her ideas.
I'll think about it.
What about your local priest?
My confessor went abroad, but I'll see if I can have any confidence with another priest to share my feelings.
magie06
24-11-17, 11:23 PM
Can you speak to anyone else in your church?
I doubt it, but should definitely think.
Jaquaia
25-11-17, 08:22 AM
Metformin tabs.
I did have some gastro side effects. If you do have those, there is an extended release tablet you can be put on instead which is much gentler on your stomach and those problems have gone.
magie06
30-11-17, 08:35 PM
How are you getting on today?
I feel better, thank you, magie06. It was in fact a nice day and I received great support from my colleagues.
My boss actually ...she wants to become my FB friend, really don't know what to do, I cannot think about hidding or changing permanently settings.
What to do?
magie06
30-11-17, 08:45 PM
If I was in your situation, I think I would allow her to become a Facebook friend. You don't have to send her anything, you can just include all your other friends in your posts. Just my suggestion.
Or you can add her but as an acquaintance and then she wouldn't see anything if you set your posts as only that list..
I was finally prescribed treatment, but it's really hard.
Now I'm preparing for it, and will probably start in a few weeks. The doc said I have no choice as I have high risk of diabetes that is probably connected to the last stress I passed through this year.
What treatment? The metformin tablets? Why is that really hard?
Not only tablets, a rather strict diet in my case. It's not only about sweets.
She said she is sorry, but in my case that is and I should give it a try.
TBH, I think that a strict diet is vital for anybody with diabetes/borderline diabetes, particularly at first when you’re trying to get things under control. Given what could happen if you dont take the tablets and change your diet, I’d say The restrictions are worth it. There are worse things in life than having to be careful with your diet
magie06
02-12-17, 04:19 PM
Like Paula says, a strict diet is important to get diabetes under control. My sister who was never over weight in her life, lost a stone and a half when she discovered she had type 2 diabetes. I think it is running in the family as my dad and my brother were both diagnosed with it in the last year.
Yes, thank you all for support, she said I should be under medical monitoring with all these blood tests in the upcoming months.
magie06
02-12-17, 07:58 PM
It's no harm to have regular blood tests. It gives your doctor a very good idea of how healthy you are. It doesn't hurt really, and your body makes up the loss very quickly.
Selena, I know it's a shock, but honestly lovely you are making this into something really horrific. It's not. It's a case of eating better - less sugar, less carbohydrates, eating enough, drinking enough water and generally taking much better care of yourself. I'm working on it too and it's not nearly as traumatic as you are making it out to be lovely!
Today my boss called me and gave a kind of quick task.
To decorate my office within an hour but without tree, just keeping minimal elements. I did it and then sent a few pics to her.
I also lost in 2 months 3 kg, maybe it is not enough, but I'm happy anyway. I've just found out.
Well done on the loss, hunni
Hoping everybody is fine today.
I have a very good news (although there are some bad ones too).
First of all, do you believe in a kind of "magic" relation between two close relatives?
I've started to think about my dad around a month and a half ago, and even started missing him!
Before our first meeting some years ago (which was difficult one), we had never met again since their divorce (I was around 3-4) and he returned to his country.
In fact, I decided to forget and forgive everything as he never harmed me or something, he was just missing in my life, it was really an empty place in this aspect. And I would say the most important was emotional impact.
Despite some awkward moments, we got along well enough for our first meeting. There are some awkward moments and even when he hurt me with some inappropriate comments, it was not done deliberately I guess. He failed just to be responsible enough, but he is calmer then my Mom...definitely. However, I cannot say she ever talked badly about him. Now they admit their divorce was a failure, although his mom was very authoritative. And the events that followed after were horrible. My mom's life was hard as she wasn't probably appreciated enough by her parents. Her second marriage was tragic and the so called male having the role of my stepdad was horrible, she was abused and he always tried to touch me or hit me. After he had finally gone from our life, I often had nightmares in the first years that he would return back. I think my grandpa and later uncle were the only reason he didn't badly beat my mom and didn't dare to abuse me. However, it was living near a swine who always tried to ruin everything.
I want to say I'm missing my dad, I forgave him for not being present in my life. I cannot say that I love him yet, but I'm attached to him already, he is a special person to me.It's strange to call someone "Dad" after all these years.He phoned me some time ago and asked how I am doing, apologizing for having failed to be a good father and saying that he loves me.
So I decided to call him and his mom (my paternal grandma) today just to greet them. And I even called him for first time "dad". He said he was thinking about me too. He also has some health problems and will have a surgery after NY. I wish him full recovery. He apologized and said that he is really proud of me and I'm his only heir. And really willing to see me soon in Latvia. I know he loves me cause he loved my mum very much.
My mom found what and told me:" You see, you complained that you didn't have a good father, and know you can remain orphan". Her words hurt me. It's true, but I never said something really negative either.
I really appreciate what my mom did for me and I love her, but some of her comments hurt me. She said that I shouldn't be with a man of different religion for example. For me, it is not relevant, I believe in God, in my religion and I don't want my world be ruined. And my horrible stepdad was not muslim, so what? I know she cares, but nothing has been decided in my private life yet. Even her roomate at hospital told her:" Sweetie, leave the girl in peace and never wish her that something doesn't work out with a man X or Y. Do you want to have grandchildren? Then don't try to make her life impossible. She is adult and her PCOS is not a tragedy either ".
Selena, that’s wonderful to hear! I’m so proud of you for making that call :) and your mums roommate sounds extremely sensible and kind
I completely agree with Paula! :)
I think the fact that my Dad cares about me has calmed me down and there is really a slight improvement in my condition.
That's brilliant. You see I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't care about you - you're lovely!
magie06
22-12-17, 05:17 PM
Hi. How are your plans going for Christmas? Have you finished work now?
Hi and thanks for asking.
I've worked half day today. But unfortunately here we have shortened holiday time. December 25 was declared bank holiday. That is a good news.
But the next day it is my boss's birthday and I'm already anxious. Our new HR manager is so strange and unfortunately does not try to respect the other people Christmas time.
On December 26, we should be by 8 am at her office in the centre of the city,congratulate her then heading up to our office again for work, then at 6 pm to be in the Center at nightclub for celebration of my boss's birthday. My mom feels better, but still, and she gets anxious if I stay there till late. And I have no mood for any fun and especially some hypocrite declarations.
As for me, I really appreciate my boss anyway, but feeling no need to praise her like a Goddess, just a nice present and saying big thank you.
That's not good that you only get the one day off. Maybe the party will be better than you think? The last few social engagements have been, haven't they?
Yes, who knows, maybe it's my anxiety. But the idea of being there at 8am for simle congratulations is just awkward and stupid.
magie06
23-12-17, 04:49 PM
It seems so strange to me that you would go back to work on the 26th. That is a bank holiday here and a lot of places will be closed for the full week, especially the offices. You have some strange customs in your country. (Or maybe it's my country that is a little strange). Please enjoy Christmas day and I pray that 2018 will be a healthier and happier year for you.
Magie06, you are right indeed, the thing is that society is still so divided even many years following the breakdown of USSR. In consequence, just a few people really celebrate Christmas in its true meaning. However, Easter is more festive time.
I will try to enjoy this special upcoming day and thank you for prayers.
I think it's sad that we don't celebrate each major festival..
I'm also concerned about the upcoming diet and taking medicines.
I read some stories regarding the same diagnosis and they are very different.Some are inspiring, the others are discouraging.
Regarding diabetes? Have a look through this trusted site: https://www.diabetes.org.uk/
Jaquaia
24-12-17, 05:55 AM
Selena, you really shouldn't worry about the diet and medication. I've been on it for around 6 years now and I am fine. PCOS puts you at a greater risk of developing diabetes so it's just something they need to monitor.
Selena, I (like others here) have got an ever growing list of health problems that could, without the correct monitoring and treatment, have a ‘discouraging’ prognosis. I could be constantly scared and think about it all the time but instead I choose to be grateful for what I’ve got and live my life. Make the lifestyle changes, take the medication and LIVE!
I hope everyone enjoyed good Christmas time with family.
I'm rather nervous cause of my boss's upcoming party tomorrow and short visit to the dentist.
Yesterday my mum told me again hurtful words, she apologized today. I see no point in all this. She refuses to go to psychologist and receive pofessional help. I got used to this and I really wish that her disease disappears but I'm useless here.
I don't know maybe I haven't done enough, but I tried to do all possible things. I have mental issues and she struggles too. I care about her, but I'm tired and excuse me, but I really want to go for a little time abroad, for example even missing my dad.
I'm scared and tired that we are in fact unable to change something.
magie06
25-12-17, 09:44 PM
Good luck with your boss's party tomorrow. I'm sure it will be okay.
Selena love, I think you are going to have to tell your Mother to stop speaking to you like that. How dare she say upsetting things to you? She makes me so angry.
I hope that you have had some enjoyment today x
Hello to everybody.
My mom is calm.
We congratulated (the team) my boss in the morning, now I'm a bit anxious as I'm waiting for the evening.
I bet it won't be as bad as you think it's going to be. Go with an open mind - you might enjoy it ;)
The party actually was nice despite that my boss was not too nice with us the last period.
I’m glad it was good, well done for going :)
Glad it was mostly good.
What happened to make you say that she wasn't nice?
OldMike
27-12-17, 11:20 AM
It's good that the party was okay :)
Well, maybe it's related to my anxiety.
I cannot stand crowds, but there are cases of unpleasant people too. Although, most of my colleagues are nice people and there had been only us.
And I cannot stand when there are a lot of stupid jokes.
But I must admit it was nicer than I had thought.
OldMike
27-12-17, 05:55 PM
I'm not a lover of crowds either Selena but I do like silly jokes (nod) (not hurtful, slapstick or practical jokes they are a no no (shake) )
It sounds like your party was okay.
Yes, Mike, I mean this kind of bad jokes.
But it was fine.
How are you feeling today?
A little bit tired, but more relaxed.
magie06
02-01-18, 07:22 PM
Hi, have you gone back to work yet? My husband was back last Thursday, so going today wasn't too bad. He's a postman and is out in all weather. We have a storm here this evening, and the wind is very strong at the moment.
Yes, today was the first day. First I was feeling awkward, but later I slowly returned to ordinary working day.
It is rather quiet anyway, as many people here took this week as a holiday.
Here it's a rather warm weather, at least for moment.
So glad it was an OK day ;)
I've spent today a nice evening.
It had been a rather busy day, having translated legal agreements all day long.
I was not feeling like being ready to go somewhere this evening, but my local friend bought tickets to the theatre. I like opera, so made an effort and spent a nice evening after.
I love the opera! Sounds like a wonderful treat!
Just don't laugh, I have basically following diet for 2 weeks and this evening I'm supposed to take my first Glucophage (aka Metformin) dosage, but I'm a little afraid. I'm always a bit frightened when I must take pills.
S deleted
19-01-18, 05:56 PM
Nothing to be scared of. You’ll be fine.
I've taken it, thank you for encouragement.
I joined a group concerning those affected with my mom's cancer type and their relatives. It really increased my anxiety and deeply saddened, especially after I read about a woman who lost her son to this horrible disease. It is heartbreaking.
Leave that group if it's having a negative affect on you....
Well done for taking the meds.
Sweetie, try to remember that, as many sad stories you read, you’ll hear many more where people have beaten this disease. These stories are not you’re mum’s story (bear)
I'm ok, but my anxiety and pain intensified after today incident.
My grandma was admitted to hospital, she had extensive myocardial infarction.
I saw her at hospital after work. She has weakened so much, it hurts to see her this way although I know that's life.
She stays so optimist even now.
TiffanyyO
25-01-18, 07:01 PM
I'm ok, but my anxiety and pain intensified after today incident.
My grandma was admitted to hospital, she had extensive myocardial infarction.
I saw her at hospital after work. She has weakened so much, it hurts to see her this way although I know that's life.
She stays so optimist even now.
(panda) So sorry to hear about your grand mother xoxo
Your grandmother had a heart attack? Oh sweetheart I'm sorry. I hope that her optimistic and hopeful attitude continues. She's a very strong lady. I hope for a really quick and full recovery for her x
Yes, thank you. It is really hard.
But I hope for recovery, i.e. at least slight improvement.
TiffanyyO
25-01-18, 09:19 PM
My thoughts are with you selena :)
How is she today? How is your Mum dealing with it? How are you lovely? Did you ever go and see the specialist about your mental health?
Thank you for caring. None of us has seen her today yet. My mum called the nurse in the early morning, she said that her condition is stable, then a doctor from lab said she has a very low hemoglobin level. My mum went there today, but they don't allow visitors before 5 pm (and until 7-8 pm). Some manage to see their close people in intensive care ward, but they didn't let my mum saying that grandma has blood perfusions due to severe anemia too.
When my mom got home, she had bad cramps. But then felt better. Me too, I really wonder how I managed to work today. I had a bad headache and rather high blood pressure. I think due to stress too.
The frost got harder, I'm a little cold, but my mum will probably go again this evening.
I received message and I'll have appointment in March.
Hope she's getting stronger lovely.
Can you do something to be kind to yourself this evening?
A warm cup of tea and talking to a new friend I guess.
But the biggest news is that mom returned from hospital and grandma feels better!
That is good news! Sweetheart, try to rest and relax this weekend, please
Oh, just wish me good luck, I'm going for a date today (probably!). We have been talking and he has been nice so far.
But I'm so emotional, if we really like each other, although we share friendship and respect...
Hi, good luck, how great to going on a date. If you already share friendship and respect there is nothing that can go wrong. I hope you have a great time.
Thank you, Well, I've been preparing for some time and wondering if I'm looking good enough, if and ifs again...
He said me not to worry, then it is just beginning, but I'm a bit crazy.
That’s great news! What time?
Today in the late evening, there will be another friend too, but we'll remain face to face. It's in the cafe near my house.
Try to relax and have fun :)
Hope you've had/are having a good time!!
I was just thinking the same as Suzi did :)
I was so over emotional, probably it was a little weird, but it worked out between us. We had exchanged messages before, but this was different, and me too shy. He told me to feel at ease, no embarrasment anyway, his attitude is nice. He is educated and intelligent. But I worried cause of my anxiety. Although I want it to be special and he does too. I like that he has never tried to push me to do something keeping calm.
As for home, grandma was dismissed from hospital today. She is still very weak, but quiet and in clear mind.
Well that sounds about as good as most first dates go :) welll done! Glad grandmas honme, hope she manages to rest
I'm happy from one side, because he is special anyway in my eyes and special feeling too. But I wonder how to build up a relationship with a man, if he doesn't (and maybe shouldn't) know anything about my anxiety.
Jaquaia
29-01-18, 08:44 PM
Take it slowly and don't rush things, just see how things go. Are you seeing him again?
I want, I'm just struggling with some bad mood swings now.
That sounds positive about your date and well done Grandma!
So... I would tell him about your anxiety, but you've only had 1 date and you don't really know each other yet... When are you going on the next date?
I don't know yet, but we can talk about it.
I'm sad because of another thing too. Metformin treatment proved to work well for me so far, but I has experienced some difficulty in gallbladder area (although I probably surely experienced it before). Maybe I'm worried too but I'm afraid of getting fast in surgery department if I increase dosage. I'm really concerned about it.
S deleted
30-01-18, 04:33 PM
Selena metformin is a well established drug and the benefits outweigh any side effects. Maybe you can use peppermint oil to relieve the symptoms. Drinking peppermint tea can help.
Thank you for suggestion.
Stella180, have you taken Metformin too?
Jaquaia
30-01-18, 05:09 PM
What side effects are you having? I had a few intestinal problems with metformin but swapped to the extended release version and found it much easier to manage
No side effects, just some vertigo. But I noticed heavy sensations in liver/gallbladder area.
Jaquaia, what dosage have you been taking?
Jaquaia
30-01-18, 05:16 PM
I'm on 750mg twice a day. If you're concerned about any side effects then speak to your doctor. DON'T google them as it will just make you more anxious and fearing the worst.
S deleted
30-01-18, 05:18 PM
Thank you for suggestion.
Stella180, have you taken Metformin too?
Yeah I’ve been taking it for about 2 yrs now.
Of course, I will pass ultra sound exam again. But the presence of this gallstone worries me, I mean especially some effects while taking metformin.
Jaquaia
30-01-18, 06:32 PM
You need to stop looking for issues. If we all were to pay attention to the side effects list then so many of us would never be treated. Side effects generally disappear after the first few weeks, if you're still worried then go and see your doctor for some reassurance. If the gallstone was an issue the doctors would be looking to treat it.
Maybe you're right and it's due to my inner fears.
Of course, I will pass ultra sound exam again. But the presence of this gallstone worries me, I mean especially some effects while taking metformin.
Sweetheart, I know it’s understandable that you’ve got concerns about this but I promise you, you’re far more likely to become ill if you DONT take the medication than if you do. Your doctor’s know you, they know your history and wouldn’t give you the drug if they thought it would do you harm. Diabetes is your risk factor and treating that is what your focus should be on
I take it too.
I actually don't read the patient information leaflets as tbh they all pretty much say the same can cause constipation but the next point can cause diarrhea They just have to list everything that might happen just in case.... I take around 30 tablets each day, every day....
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