View Full Version : Time Passing By and Fear of Failure *Triggers*
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Seeing the dr sounds a good idea (bear)
Today I haven't been at work. I woke up in the early morning, feeling bad and having cramps in each muscle. And having fever of course. As I could barely move my fingers I phoned my boss and remained home. Later I've taken aspirin, no flu or angina signs so far. Yesterday had just nausea, headache and weakness. Now feeling better and fever came down. Tomorrow two clients are waiting for me.
Today a woman phoned me and asked about Chinese translation. Sometimes I really don't know how I cope with some difficult situations.
Sorry you aren't feeling well, but glad you took today off.
Chinese? ;)
I hope you feel better soon. Rest and fluids and all that (bear)
Thanks!
Yes, Chinese, but it's not my speciality, I've only helped her to connect with one of few translators.
Today has been a pretty silent day.
Feeling better and translated 8 pages.
I've received a good news from my ex-student. She took part with family in Quebec immigration programme. They had been nearly refused after all invested forces and resources, now they are accepted. Really happy for them, all my students had been admitted, so I'm proud of them.
Yesterday an online guy greeted me, saying that he missed me. Not really, I guess, just a little. I'm feeling ackward because I just don't know how to get conversation interesting. But he was not so passionate either.
OldMike
11-02-16, 07:29 PM
Good news about your student Selena, glad you had a peaceful day.
Glad that you're feeling better, and well done with your ex-students. We visited Quebec in August for a few days out of three weeks, and loved it.
If the guy said he missed you, then he missed, no matter if a little or a lot; you were missed. You could talk about films, books or holidays. Asking questions and getting him to talk might be easier than you doing all the talking.
Jaquaia
11-02-16, 07:37 PM
Selena, can I ask if you have spoken to him before and if you have for how long and did you discuss much?
Selena, can I ask if you have spoken to him before and if you have for how long and did you discuss much?
Yes, for around four months, but these are occasional greeting or little talks. nothing serious, I mean just friendly interchange. But I think he is a little shy too.
Jaquaia
11-02-16, 08:07 PM
Then I'm a little concerned about him saying he missed you if you haven't talked a lot. Don't take him too seriously until you get to know him better and even then be careful.
Then I'm a little concerned about him saying he missed you if you haven't talked a lot. Don't take him too seriously until you get to know him better and even then be careful.
No, I won't. Thanks for concerning. I've liked just his normal friendly attitude.
Sounds like a good day lovely!
Yes indeed. Especially after yesterday's hell.
Was the message like 'Hey, I've missed you, how's it going?'
Was the message like 'Hey, I've missed you, how's it going?'
Yes, I think.
It's considered that people couldn't live without hope and faith ( for believers). But what if apparently you have done anything to achieve your goals or let's say get it better. But you've got few results and things are basically staying the same way. Who is to blame? Usually people balme themselves, then others. Maybe it's just like doom.
Positive thinking has great impact, but unfortunately some things you couldn't change or accepting either.
I've had a rather hard day. More translations, but that's not all...
I've had a client who wants me guarantee that all authorities will agree with new surname of hers mentioned in documents. I explained her that I can't offer her all guarantees, but she just can't get it. I'm neither translator who translated her document nor an OSC authority. I don't know how to overcome my anxiety if they turn her down and she puts blame on me for everything. It's so annoying feeling! And now I'm worried about tomorrow.
Then maybe that's something that your boss should be dealing with..
Then maybe that's something that your boss should be dealing with..
I've told my boss. She assured me that everything is all right but she always prefers to put final blame on us.
Then you need to refer it back to her if there is an issue.
I'm so happy that this situation has passed. This woman thanked me in the end.
My boss proposed me in a sweet voice to take more translations. I've got the trick - cheap and keeping quality, but I refused.
That's brilliant that the woman thanked you.
I was very anxious and didn't even expect it.
You need to find a way to believe in yourself a bit more.
That is true. However we can't avoid some kinds of people and specific situations.
Today on DWD has been an especially warm atmosphere. In life is different.
Only work...last holidays I watched some episodes of new "Criminal Minds" season. After a long pause...So I finally learnt that I have the right to spend some good time on holidays. And in May or June exams are waiting for me. So in my spare time I must read some materials and also American English features for a new translation.Holidays are only in October....it could be earlier but October will be more or less paid, but who knows what will happen by that time.
I hate arguing with anyone, especially my mother. I know she is genuinely caring about me but she shouldn't think in a negative way about my future. We've talked, but she stays worried about my condition. I can't stop some things and I can barely look in the mirror. But if I perceive all things in negative clue, suicidal thoughts are inevitable.
And love...not the last thing in the world. Falling a little in love can't be bad, even He seems to be so different...Just a dream...
However keeping a little diary helps. Every week I go to a special Christian meditation place, it's early, but I go. This helps me overcome my anxiety and not getting really crazy and suicidal.
Why are holidays only in October?
You are so hard on yourself. You really are intelligent, beautiful, caring, kind and thoughtful.
Why are holidays only in October?
You are so hard on yourself. You really are intelligent, beautiful, caring, kind and thoughtful.
Thank you for appreciation while I'm struggling with thoughts that I do some things wrong and I don't deserve a certain man.
It's private company, in fact my boss doesn't impose, but strongly suggest this month.
Oh I do loads of things wrong, all the time, yet I get through. We don't have to be perfect to be loved, hunni
Crumbs hunni, I do things wrong all the time! However Marc still loves me... The right person is out there for you.
Today we've had a little party at work, I came and greeted my boss and others and went home. I've told that I'm not feeling well. Psychologically...and lumps of course.
I know I didn't do right way, but I can't tell them truth. And in two week come other two holidays, including my birthday and my boss adores birthdays...
Nothing has been found so far...but I would prefer to have a medical check abroad.
If they've been checked, hunni, why are you still worried?
One of doctors mentioned something ' that appears to be negative' or grow into it. Although there are no concrete evidences and future is impredictible.
I don't know if I'm right, but I decided to work just a little on Saturday and no work on Sundays despite my boss's try to enslave me.
You are supposed to do 5.5 days a week. Don't feel bad about not working on Sunday!
I don't know if I'm right, but I decided to work just a little on Saturday and no work on Sundays despite my boss's try to enslave me.
Well done for making that decision
May God help me tomorrow. At tomorrow's little party. Without dancing or something alike, but for me it's so hard to be surrounded by 13-18 colleagues, even despite the fact some of them are really friendly. We see each other once a week.
And it seems nothing perfectly suits me, I see "fat bulks" everywhere.
But the most difficult moment for me is 'kissing' my colleagues ( friendly of course). Most of them are women, just one or two guys.
After my boss kisses the " star" of the party, I'm supposed to slightly kiss them all ( and they me), my breath stops only thinking about this crowd.
(panda) try to enjoy it for what it is - your colleagues wanting to celebrate you for a little while
I just hope I'll resist and everything will be right.
I've not commented on your thread before, but i just wanted to say i hope your work party went well and you coped OK.
Is it today? Your birthday? If so HAPPY BIRTHDAY (party)
OldMike
10-03-16, 10:31 AM
What's a birthday without cake?
So here's a virtual cake for you Selena.
http://i1200.photobucket.com/albums/bb333/mikeyates1000/birthday4_zpskrfbytgr.gif (http://s1200.photobucket.com/user/mikeyates1000/media/birthday4_zpskrfbytgr.gif.html)
Have a very happy birthday.
Jaquaia
10-03-16, 11:09 AM
I hope that today is not as difficult as you are expecting it to be (bear)
I know you don't like a fuss, but HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
It was more or less ok.
My father and grandma ( surprise!) coldly congratulated me, but I just thanked and tried not to think about them.
Well done sweetie, your confidence is growing daily :)
Sincerely I don't really know how I managed to get over this everything. I deal with people nearly every day, but I'm not perfectly smiling, actually anxious inside and barely looking into their eyes.
However you're doing it, you're doing it! That's what matters
I'm feeling strange. From one side I'll get closer and better office, but I got used a little to my old place. And there will be new ambiance and new notary again...But new working place is better than the old one.
OldMike
11-03-16, 08:47 PM
Selena you should soon get used to your new work place and if I recall correctly it is closer to where you live so travelling should be easier.
As you say the new place is better than the old work place so that's a definite plus.
Thank you for kind words. Yes, it's located inside an university. They rent a little office there.
And actually there will be warmer than at my current place where I got serious cold twice.
Will you be working with different people?
No, with the same, besides collaborating with different notary.
But I've had no people around, I'm alone in "my" office, all of my colleagues work in different offices. We meet once a week or occasionally. In process of work we deal with clients and some of us have double stress. As for example, nearly every day I work as translator and manager.
And I'm happy that I don't have to cope every day with eyes fixed on me, at least now, although working with people and doing urgent translations is also stressful.
Then it sounds like a positive to me!
Now it's time to update news about my last working place ( the same company) change.
Actually, I did a lot in the new office, arranged my stuff etc. I felt sad and I missed, nearly cried over my previous distant working place. I missed even the dog's barking. At a specific moment I was on the point of crying.
A new place is an attachment inside the ground floor of the building. It's not so cold there, but it has no direct windows. The previous place was a rather large separate room office and it was perfect for an introvert! Here the glass walls from my side will be covered from exterior, but now they are transparent and anybody can see me and as it's inside university, and there is a rather high rumour there. Also the light should be switched on all day long because otherwise it will get rather dark there, and the lamp also spreads rumours.
The last days I was too busy to translate, but I hope tomorrow I will be able to work.
On a good note: park is nearby, I sleep one hour more than before, no transport and so getting to work along the park valley. Many shops and other commercial building, fast connection with the centre. I must just get accustomed to this fuss, hopefully they will cover soon at least a part of these walls. Also established a rather good relationship with notary and some of my ex-customers are ready to get here only that I provide for them a good service.
That's it so far, for me this fuss is difficult. The old place was rather distant from my place and there were problems with heating,but had better facilities.
OldMike
15-03-16, 08:14 PM
Shorter travelling time and better heating that's a big plus, you'll soon get used to the new place Selena. :)
It might be good for you being there - new people, younger people, busier place.
With new place it is everything more or less right.
But I'm simply broken...my cat is probably dying.
She doesn't move and doesn't react to anything, it's pyometra and probably there are no hopes...
I can't just stop crying.
Jaquaia
16-03-16, 07:47 PM
She needs to see a vet asap if it's pyometra. They should be able to do an emergency spay if it's not too bad.
OldMike
16-03-16, 08:02 PM
(bear) (panda)
Thank you for kind words.
Oh Selena, can you get your cat to a vet? (bear)
Take her to the vets, then you'll know your options, you can't just leave her like that (bear)
Oh hunni, I hope you've got an appointment..
My princess died in the morning. I called vet emergency, but nothing could have been done, it was too late. He injected her a kind of vet painkillers. I spent all night near her, I payed and cried all my tears and I saw her dying in front of me.
I'm simply devastated, I wish give up anything:my work and other interests, just can't forget her last dying moment. Thinking rationally, I know that I fought until the end and the vet said is a miracle she survived so long time after had been diagnosed first. I know it's just an animal, but it was My Cat and she meant to me a lot. Sincerely if my father had died, I wouldn't have cried. It's terribly sounding, but he did nothing for me and simply did not care at all about me, while my cat meant everything to me and 'supported' me in her way.
I'll love her forever, she was so educated, fine and delicate. Russian blue breed, although it doesn't matter, because I adopted her. Her mother was in the street and then killed by someone. I really wanted to have this kitten, she chose me as her master and I chose her. The day I wanted to adopt her she vanished, someone had taken it from my street. I prayed to find her and in a wonderful way I found her without even knowing she was there, but this time God's will ( if there is a supreme power) was different.
I just can't forget her dying image, although her death was not hard, but seeing her last convulsions, I think I could go crazy with everything... I hope it will change with time, I just can't stop crying and tomorrow there is work at office.
I really don't know how I resisted today until midday. I buried her near the grave of my grandad, who I loved a lot. I buried her under the tree and gave her my last kiss.
My mother went with me and she thinks I must want go on at least for her. But she is also devastated.
My cat didn't like seeing me crying or depressed, she came by my side and touched me or rose her melodical voice. I've had some bad dreams about her around a month ago, but just didn't pay attention.
I'm feeling again the lumps and I'm really confused. Due to say, someone recommended me a good medical centre with good specialists and equipment. I'll consider it, but who knows what is going to happen to me next. And I'm really afraid of any eventual medical surgery. I just didn't learn how to accept death and how to die.
Last time I felt so broken was my grandad's death in my teen ages. But at that time there was a hope. And now there is nothing more...
And thank you all for support, I've been really lucky to have found this place and all "team".
My apologises for any grammar mistakes.
(panda) oh sweetheart I'm so very, very sorry. I know and understand how heartbreaking losing your furrbaby is for anybody. I wish I could say something that would help, but nothing can at the moment. I wish you didn't have this heartbreak and I'll be praying for some comfort for you
Thank you.
People are often feeling like losers, but I'm feeling like "cursed".
Some days ago my cat got into my neighbour's apartment basement ( I'll put this photo later on FB). Nothing seemed strange, but it was first time she tried to hide. I've learned that cats usually hide before death.
with my mother is more difficult. She always blames herself and this affects me a lot.
I'm so sorry hunni, our furbabies our like family to us.
After I returned home, I felt it so empty.
Jaquaia
17-03-16, 08:26 PM
It is not just an animal! She was your family. Pets give us undisputed love and loyalty, and you are certainly not a loser for mourning her. I'm sorry for your loss and hope you can take comfort from knowing she will be happy having crossed the Rainbow Bridge and will be waiting for you on the other side. (panda)
The vet gave her painkillers, so she wasn't in pain. And you were by her side until the very end. She knew your love as you knew hers.
In time this will become easier, I promise. RIP little one (bear)
I'm so sorry for your loss. Definitely not, "just an animal".. Sweetheart take heart knowing that you were with her and you loved her and she loved you. It will get easier...
Yes, knowing all this helps and time heals everything.
I tried to stay strong and not to cry in the office. It was very difficult to keep my tears inside.
Today a client came to take his translation He didn't know anything, but felt great sympathy and showed real patience and understanding.
These days I will think what to do next in my life.
Can we see a picture of your cat, what was her name?
Her original name was French Katrin, but we used to call her in more simple way " Kitty".
http://s844.photobucket.com/user/emeraldlady/media/%20015_zps9nyaonbj.jpg.html?o=0
Oh she's beautiful! She looks like my Chartreux cat Sheba!
RIP Kitty, run free over the Rainbow Bridge xxx
OldMike
17-03-16, 10:14 PM
I'm so sorry Selena, she was such a beautiful cat. (bear) (panda)
Yes, I lost a beautiful and very intelligent furfriend. Last night before her death, I saw in her eyes kind of tears. My mother told me that maybe we did something wrong, I really can't find something we got wrong...It was just this way. I know one thing - she hated to see me crying. Today I felt that despite of the fact I will never forget her and will probably cry even years after her death, I must move on and keep the best memories in my soul.
Now I have to decide what to do with my lumps. I have to get appointment at better specialist, but I'm afraid of the worst perspective of surgery.
You didn't do anything wrong, hunni, just happens that way sometime (bear)
I'm feeling sometimes desperate and lonely, although I know this will change.
It's a depressive mood triggered by some work changes and this tragedy. I even thought of giving up my work as I'm fed up to deal with some kind of people, although most are very nice.
My cat was near me in my most difficult years.
Make it a priority to see the specialist and get them checked out, even if its just for peace of mind.
Kitty will live on in your heart. And I have no doubt another cat will want you as their human before long.
OldMike
18-03-16, 08:08 PM
In times like these a little hug helps (bear) (panda)
I'm better, thank you. Although there is still a lot of sad thoughts.
Sweetheart you are grieving. That's totally OK.
You need to get the lumps looked at and leaving them could only make it worse..
magie06
19-03-16, 03:09 PM
Sending you some hugs to help with your loss. (panda)(panda)(panda)
Thank you.
Today I have visited her "grave" again and after it I felt inner peace, probably it should have happened this way. She will always remain in my heart and that's most important.
I've forgotten to mention that from now on I have to work on Saturday from 9 am to 1 am. It's good only for translations, but notary doesn't work on Saturday anyway.
But I insisted to have the last Saturday of month free and hope my boss will understand and respect my decision.
Near my work place there is a nice park and some green lawns where I can enjoy some free time in peace.
I'll add some photos later on FB.
I'm glad you insisted on one Saturday free, lovely.
Good for you insisting on that!
From one side I feel better, I accepted the fact of death, but Im feeling generally frustrated and confused.
I feel an emptiness around me, actually there are no problems with working process, but I'm feeling useless while daling with people...and feeling so unable to contavt with anybody now...
It's like a large hole...
Tmorrow I have to deal with an old client ( personal), she wants a very cheap translation ( actually being quite rich), I have a lot of work already and I'm not eager to work at nights on nul price...
I'm also feeling very stupid tp contact a guy first, I'll never do such a stupidity again.
My head is like a mixed pot with guily, emotions and deep confusion.
You're grieving, hunni, it takes time I'm afraid (bear)
Tell the client that you're experienced and qualified (have you had the results?) and you already have a lot of work to do, so your fees are higher. If she doesn't like it, she doesn't have to get you to do it ......
What happened with the guy?
You're grieving, hunni, it takes time I'm afraid (bear)
Tell the client that you're experienced and qualified (have you had the results?) and you already have a lot of work to do, so your fees are higher. If she doesn't like it, she doesn't have to get you to do it ......
What happened with the guy?
Yes, I've translated some years ago her wedding dresses site into Italian ( native speakers considered it normal). The thing is that this wsoman is kind of manipulator, I can refuse for me, but process of standing up for my interests is not easy to me.
Selena you have to stop being so negative about making contact with someone first.. It's not "stupidity" - it's communicating.. For all you know they might be as shy as you!
Today I went to church in the evening. I've had such a strange feeling, a kind of feeling lost, because I think I don't have enough faith.
It's a pity this year there is such a distance between two Easters, I mean Western and Eastern ( Orthodox) churches...March 27 and May 1...there will be very warm by that time.
My boss gave to me a piece of work for agency, some pages, but job meant to be done without money because it's for her company. I've done it because I will need later some recommendation letters from her part.
And next Saturday I should have to pass the "philantropic" photosession, already feeling embarrassed and a liitle scared...
It is very strange that Easter is not celebrated at the same time around the world. I am sure I saw an article in the news a few weeks back about the possibility of fixing the day.. it would make more sense.
Please don't worry about the photos, the lady wouldn't have asked you if she didn't think you were suitable for the pictures.
I think if you have any faith, then you have enough to be starting with... If you aren't sure then talk to your leaders and I am sure that they will be able to help and guide you x
Faith isn't measured, you either have that faith or you don't. You have always come across as faithful. Having said that, we shouldn't stand still, fellowship, prayer, teaching, all these and more are vital to keep our relationship with God
I don't think there will ever be one common day for Easter celebrations. For Christmas it might be possible. The first reason is that Eastern Orthodox doesn't have an unique leader as Pope for Catholics. There are Eastern churches that follow new calendar and celebrate Christmas on December 25, these are Greek, Romanian, some Ucrainian churches and Bulgarian. Russian, Serbian and Georgian follow the old calendar. As for Easter, all Eastern churches celebrate it on the same date - this year is May 1, not sure about calculations, but the idea is that Orthodox Easter should come after Jewish Passover ( this year is on April 22). A week after Easter, Eastern christians honour the dead people and go to cemetery ( equivalent of Catholic November 2 day). From one side is a good idea, but from other side people gather at cemetery just symbolically, having big celebrations and often getting drunk and leaving a lot of garbage after them ( not in alll cases).
Today I've been to church. More people gathered and a girl fainted and was taken outside.
This saturday is the last saturday of month, so I was free. My boss only asked me to pay attention if there are any online clients until 8 pm ( it's not my work, just exception).
Personally I've been educated in double Orthodox-Catholic christian spirit, from one side Catholic church is a little closer, because from the earliest childhood all holidays had been celebrated on new calendar, except Easter.
Glad you've had today off!
Yes, practically off, but now a reason for anxiety ( exposed in another thread) and one more thing I'll write about a little later.
Photosession is to take place in 5 hours but I already have bad cramps in my stomach!
And I should also go to the office before.
You'll be brilliant, just try to relax :)
OldMike
02-04-16, 11:23 AM
You'll be fine Selena :)
Thank you all, it was ok. I worked a little, but still have to translate a big pdf file, financial banking terminology.
I met once again the photographer, I told once that he and his wife are very pleasant people. She came, but then went home because one of their daughters got ill.
He does have studies in Fine Arts, and probably has a good sense of intuition about others' feelings. He felt my tension and told me about it. We discussed a little and I got more relaxed. For this photosession I decided to change hair style - a kind of braids, a hard work for me as I did it many years ago and also had a hand trauma some time before. Ok, my mother helped me a lot with hair style.
But at photosession I came by myself. There were people in the park, sunny but a little windy day, that bothered me maybe a little.
He told me:" I prefer you to smile more, as when you're quiet you have a very sad and tragic expression...so that it really hurts." Never expected strange people to see this feature. He told me that there are no perfect people, from his point of view I have a very nice face, others do have especially nice lips, hands etc. Perfect people are very rare, and even they can be repulsive from his point of view. His opinion is that somebody's personality is the strongest complex feature.
He showed me some photos, well some were nice, but on photos I feel so fat and deformed...in comparison with previous years. When I imagine the bad comments of some of these online guys, especially Eastern ones. Wel, never expected it, but that's probably my doom. He is a good photographer and photos will be ready in a couple of days. He also said that in process of communication I'm very easy going and nice person.
I found some old photos of mine, did scan them at work... in the best way possible and I'll put them later.
Well, avoiding to fall into frame of nostalgia, I would say that I spent a rather good day.
I saw the photos you scanned, you were a beautiful child and you're a beautiful woman. Weight has nothing to do with that. Look at Dawn French, Adele etc, all beautiful, all bigger. And you're not as big as you think .......
I saw the photos you scanned, you were a beautiful child and you're a beautiful woman. Weight has nothing to do with that. Look at Dawn French, Adele etc, all beautiful, all bigger. And you're not as big as you think .......
Yes, but these are not so recent photos (I mean photos put today). Some years ago I got rid of my camera. Thank you for complement.
I'll take some breath and put a couple of recent photos soon. And weight is basically the same, but fluctuating.
Ah but I have seen one of your profile pics which was more recent ;)
Ah but I have seen one of your profile pics which was more recent ;)
Yes, that's right, the face photo. By the way, my face shape is also fluctuating because of hormones.
Sweetheart size isn't the be all and the end of it all... You have to stop being so hard on yourself.
I went to bed very late, but I did finish 18 pages in 3 days, mostly on holidays. Just don't know how I managed to do it and my boss also wanted me to verify other translators' work.
Exams will soon come...additional stress.
Today was birthday of one of my colleagues and my boss wanted us all to come to the head office in order to celebarate it. I really didn't want, there were fewer of us, but to my unexpected surprise I felt happier than after communication with those online guys.
There is also a problem. One of my so called colleague ( not a translator) nicknamed "Judas" always tries to complot against others and tell false information to our boss. My boss is rather difficult person and I don't know how to deal with such hypocrite "honey" people.
Getting together, however briefly, with colleagues, perhaps people you can become friends with, is good for the soul. And you know they have no expectations that you won't meet.
Wrt Judas, the best thing to do is ignore them imho. Your boss knows your worth and trusts you to do your job well. That's what matters when facing these kind of people.
Once your exams are done, will you be able to look for work elsewhere?
Getting together, however briefly, with colleagues, perhaps people you can become friends with, is good for the soul. And you know they have no expectations that you won't meet.
Wrt Judas, the best thing to do is ignore them imho. Your boss knows your worth and trusts you to do your job well. That's what matters when facing these kind of people.
Once your exams are done, will you be able to look for work elsewhere?
i think yes.
Sounds like you've done brilliantly today!
OldMike
04-04-16, 11:31 PM
Looks like you had a good day Selena. (nod)
Not the easiest period for me now...
I have to read some (real) criminal files on rapes, manslaughter, homicide, murder and other offences. That's for my exam. I always liked tv shows in "Criminal Mind" style, but never thought that it would be so difficult to read all details about real offences. Sometimes it can get hard...
I can understand that completely Selena. When my son was training to be a police officer he was privy to some really horrendous and graphic material. All of it 'real life ' crime. He found it hard to believe some of the stuff went on in real life. Sadly he sees stuff first hand. It wouldn't be normal if you weren't slightly affected by it. Any decent human being would be. Don't know what you're studying but good luck, and I'm sure whatever it is, you'll be good at it.:)
Can you try to make it seem more like a story and not real?
Sweetie, anyone would struggle with that. I pray that you understand how strong you are and how proud we all are that you're doing these exams
Thank you for support and kind words.
I'll try to make it easier this way.
Flo, it's an exam to pass in order to become court translator.
Thank you for support and kind words.
I'll try to make it easier this way.
Flo, it's an exam to pass in order to become court translator.
Wow, how wonderful, you clever lady. Well, very best of luck. I'm sure all will go well. I'll be thinking of you.(y)
Thank you all, I really hope I will be able to pass it.
OldMike
05-04-16, 07:20 PM
I'm sure you'll do okay with your exams Selena.
You know, I feel much more relaxed after I broke all contacts with one of so called 'friend' from the past, just letting her go her way without many comments.
I can't stand if someone is being bullied, in the building I work in there are more receptionists. One of them probably also struggles with depression, while others have the bad habit to judge and mistreat her. And these actions are done by adult women in their fifties or sixties.
Have you spoken to her about it?
Maybe you could take her under your wing?
I could invite her into office for a talk during break time.
That sounds like a good idea :)
Yes, or maybe start by striking up conversation and becoming friends?
Another busy week has passed. Hopefully I'll get safe until Easter ( Eastern Easter is on May, 1). All week I've done just a translation and rewriting of my boss's site without any remuneration. And I haven't got my wage completely yet, she openly told everybody that now the money is more needed for her agency's development. My colleague from marketing department ordered a kind of banner and she got angry just because a shade of colour didn't seem appropriate to her! Even her husband was astonished.
What am I waiting for? Probably waiting for exam and for her reference letter to commission.
Just feeling tired, because everything remains the same...
She is lucky to have any staff the way she treats you!
I'm with Rose! How long til your exam and results?
I'm with Rose! How long til your exam and results?
Exam schedule has not been announced yet, but I was told it would be either in the end of May or June.
I think it's terrible that you are working for free!
Yes, it's her dilemma. And the last thing: she wants me to translate the site into English, even unnecessary materials! This week she tried to put on me the Italian too, but I rejected it. I want to seriously discuss the subject, but I just don't know how to start...
How about starting with "I was wondering when I was going to get paid?"
Thank you for suggestion, this way I hope to get a start by next week.
Have you ever experienced desire to hide and run away from one side, and a painful persistent feeling of loneliness from other side?
And also excuses for mental health and blaming yourself?
It seems to me like I'm acting in an insane way experiencing these feelings.
OldMike
24-04-16, 08:02 PM
Have you ever experienced desire to hide and run away from one side, and a painful persistent feeling of loneliness from other side?
And also excuses for mental health and blaming yourself?
It seems to me like I'm acting in an insane way experiencing these feelings.
Yes I have those feelings Selena wanting to hide yet feeling lonely when I do and blaming myself for how I am.
You're NOT acting insanely selena it's the depression making you feel like that.
I completely agree with Mike. You are not acting insanely...
It was a nice day. Actually my boss paid me all my salary and was very nice. That's probably because some of my colleagues left or went abroad.
Maybe she was more peaceful before Easter, I don't know.
Actually I lived today a stressfull moment. Suddenly a woman from nearby shop passed to my door like bad wind. She had pretentions because one day ago my office was partially covered and not transparent, pretending that because of this her boss's shop is not seen well (complete nonsense!) and she doesn't have customers. I didn't get into conflict with her, saying that I'm not actually the boss. My boss later assured me that everything will be ok and she is to deal with any problems.
I revealed one of my collaegues problem with lumps, she told me she experienced the same and doc said it was due to her high level of anxiety.
That's a really positive post! Well done!
Today I'm free, as it's second day after Easter here. My boss hasn't bothered me.
Actually she is not very reliable. As I've written before, my holiday is supposed to be taken in autumn (as my exams are to be held in summer). Recently my boss told her emplyees that she will prepare some holiday tours either in Lithuania or Tunisia (at choice). I've written this on my FB. Actually I don't believe her so much. I hope that she will pay us properly instead.
I would prefer to visit UK, but I doubt about weather conditions in fall.
Just dreams, as I cannot trust her...
Jaquaia
02-05-16, 01:50 PM
Selena, it doesn't matter what time of the year you visit the UK, it will rain anyway!
At least there are no hard frosts in UK.
S deleted
02-05-16, 03:51 PM
I wouldn't say never
Contrary to what most think, most of the UK is very, very beautiful
Jaquaia
02-05-16, 09:23 PM
Yorkshire is stunning. Not that I'm biased...
If I only could take 10 days off in October...
There are so many beautiful parts of the UK! What kind of things do you like to visit?
I'm not sure yet. Probably many, but it won't be much time.
Today I've remained home, because I have really high fever. Yesterday late started a nightmare: extremely tired, inflamated tonsils and really high fever. So I was literally crawling. The most striking is that it arrived later and I even ate ice cream before.
Now I'm better, but decided to remain home, although my boss can eat me out (at least not very glad about it).
Hope you feel better soon.
Hope you're feeling better soon Selena!...drink plenty.xx
OldMike
12-05-16, 11:20 AM
Hope you're feeling better soon Selena. (bear)
Recently my boss told her emplyees that she will prepare some holiday tours either in Lithuania or Tunisia (at choice). .
As far as I am aware, Tunisia is a country that is still strongly recommended you don't travel to. So I would chose Lithuania of the two!
I hope you feel better soon!
As far as I am aware, Tunisia is a country that is still strongly recommended you don't travel to. So I would chose Lithuania of the two!
I hope you feel better soon!
Thank you, rose. I won't go there for sure,there could happen really atrocious things.
About Lithuania I also doubt because my boss probably won't assure this trip.
Anyway, earlier or later I'm planning to take a good holiday.
My tonsils hurt like a wound and rather high fever.
I wonder why my immune system has gone so down.
People pick up viruses, hunni, it's just one of those things
Yes, that is logically.
However I've had nigtmares since autumn, and very much afraid that they could come true. Seldom my dreams did come true.
I'm so anxious about it and the last cases of death nearby.
Trying hard
12-05-16, 09:13 PM
Minds can play tricks when it comes to sleep. Nightmares are awful. Do you use sleep balm or relaxation before sleep
Minds can play tricks when it comes to sleep. Nightmares are awful. Do you use sleep balm or relaxation before sleep
No, but it sounds like a good idea.
Trying hard
12-05-16, 09:23 PM
With my kiddiea they used to have nightmares and I made some relaxation music disks for them and they played them on low and they were out for the count.
I also bought sleep pillow mist and sleep balm (Avon) for them and they used it. Whether it was that or the music that worked Idont know, but they were a lot better for it
4 customers phoned me today, but I was too bad to get to the office. Feeling a little "guilty", 3 of them promised to come on Monday.
You're poorly, there's no need to feel guilty
I'm feeling so upset today. I'm not so stupid not to get how the things work out.
I have already a lot of translations to do and no free time! And after work one of managers called me to tell that my boss ordered that I should do some more translations till midnight for tomorrow!
I stood up for myself and I'm not ashamed because I really feel bad. But I get very anxious when I imagine her reaction.
I'm fed up. My mom tells me to have some patience till exam, although she agrees I've done it right. But taking into consideration that I won't remain where I am, is there any point in this sacrifice?
No appropriate remuneration after all.
Or am I wrong?
Jaquaia
01-06-16, 04:37 PM
You did right to stand up for yourself. That is ridiculous expecting you to work until midnight.
OldMike
01-06-16, 05:08 PM
You did right to stand up for yourself. That is ridiculous expecting you to work until midnight.
I agree with Jaq you were right to stand up for yourself Selena. Being expected to work till midnight without any extra remuneration is just not on.
Absolutely, 100% right! Well done, lovely
Thank you for support. I just don't know how I could have hoped otherwise.
When I think about my boss who I expect to meet with others tomorrrow. She got so greedy.
I'm so glad that you stood up to her!
I just wanted to say that I've been very exhausted at my work place.
Are you taking any time off soon?
Are you taking any time off soon?
Sincerely, I don't know. I've thought of going to Riga in October, but considering my bad relationship with my dad, I doubt it, as I have nowhere else to stay.
But I would takea break earlier with pleasure, as I'm already feeling exhausted.
Have you spoken to your manager about your workload?
Yes, but I've had just a little succes, I feel burned out.
Let me put it a different way. When was the last time you had any time off?
Let me put it a different way. When was the last time you had any time off?
In August.
Are you still working in the evenings and weekends?
Are you still working in the evenings and weekends?
Evenings no, weekends sometimes.
You are going to have to find a way that you aren't. Can you stop bringing work home with you?
In August.
10 months????? Selena that is not healthy .....
I know, and really don't know how to manage the situation.
Go in and tell her that you need some rest!
Saturday will be my boss husband's birthday. And she wants to invite us all for a barbecue in a country location.
My colleague asked me to come, but I don't want at all. Although there will be only our team. I'm not feeling exactly comfortable. Although most of my colleagues are rather friendly.
Also something about slimming. My face gets slimmer, but the other parts of body haven't made any progress yet.
If you don't want to go then don't....
I'm afraid I should as my boss imposes her will in this case.
Jaquaia
24-06-16, 06:15 PM
So don't go. You're a grown woman. It isn't part of you contract is it? If not, she can't make you.
I went to my boss husband's birthday, it was not easy and I've had a bad headache, but I was happy to spend some time with my colleagues. And besides all, he is not a bad man.
Jaquaia
25-06-16, 09:57 PM
Sometimes making ourselves do things isn't as painful as we build it up to be.
Why besides all? Did you think he was a bad man?
I didn't, but I had my fears. All, she is the boss and he is her right hand. The difference is that he has never put pressure on anybody.
Glad you had fun. Are you glad you went?
Generally yes, although I've had a really hard inner struggle.
Because I distanced myself from many events for many years because of my physical and psychological condition. And my depression.
Now I feel a little better.
I can't believe I bought a new bag for this event, although I took another one.
One of work mates suggested that we get sometimes for a walk in a park.
Selena, maybe you could take an exercise in positive thinking? You work yourself up by assuming anyone you meet, whether at work, socially etc, or anything you do/get invited to, is going to turn out bad. And then you enjoy yourself. Socials like these are the sort of places you should be meeting people who could be friends/boyfriends and it would be wonderful if you could relax, have fun, and stop worrying
Yes, it's not easy for me. Because I've had depression. But today I haven't felt suicidal, that is why I decided to attend the event.
The only thing bothering me are my lumps.
Jaquaia
25-06-16, 10:44 PM
It's not easy for any of us but our options are fight or let it consume us and control us.
The photo you put up on FB was great!
It's not only depression which stops us from getting involved in these things.. But it's important that you do
And, in fact, my colleagues can't even guess the inner struggles I cope with.
OldMike
26-06-16, 12:11 PM
That's the thing about depression the inner struggles are unseen and it's something we battle each day.
Beautiful pic of you and your colleagues you posted on FB. :)
And, in fact, my colleagues can't even guess the inner struggles I cope with.
That's the same that nearly everyone with chronic illness or unseen illnesses...
Thank you, Mike.
The thing is that my mother refuses to go to psychologist. I wanted that we two get an appointment, but there is no way here.
I would like to ask. Does it happen that you have nausea, stomack cramps, heart problems and other symptoms, if you are very anxious?
Yes, every one. It's classic signs of an anxiety attack
Jaquaia
26-06-16, 07:29 PM
Not so much problems as it can feel like your heart is racing. Everyones symptoms are different but I feel dizzy, my mouth goes dry, it feels like my heart is pounding, I have cold sweats, feel very agitated and when it's really bad, I feel sick.
I just don't know what to do if I have such attack in public places or at work. I feel very scared.
OldMike
26-06-16, 07:35 PM
I would like to ask. Does it happen that you have nausea, stomack cramps, heart problems and other symptoms, if you are very anxious?
I used to be a bit like that when I was younger probably in my late 30's early 40's, feeling sick, unable to eat, my heart beating very fast, hands shaking and sweating.
Jaquaia
26-06-16, 07:36 PM
Distraction is great, there are a few things you can try. Breath in as you count to 2, breathe out and count to four. Centre yourself by touch 3 places on your body until it eases....It's finding something that works for you. Have a look at the distraction thread
Sit down, drink some water, distractions and breath deeply. Remember it WILL pass
Counting repeatedly to 10 focus on your breathing..
I agree with the counting to 10
It is always also worth having a safe spot in your head. i.e. a happy memory to concentrate on, its something that phycs have you doing when going through various trauma therapies if things get a bit to much for you, it helps calm things down along with the breathing, eyes closed and concentrate.
I'm feeling so tired and burnt out. Sometimes during the working day I barely keep my emotions inside and don't burst into tears.
Sometimes feel just desire to vanish. It's so difficult with my boss's pressure and dictatorship manner.
I even lost appetite...
Jaquaia
29-06-16, 09:01 PM
You need to try and take some time off.
Please get some time off lovely...
It's strange, but sometimes I just want to leave and give up. She is like a dictator and always puts pressure on workers, not everyone has resisted...
There is nothing stopping you from looking around to see if there are other jobs you might be able to apply for...
I do think most people have evil roots in their nature. I never aimed to be the best, just doing my work, and the writer herself chose me as the best translator for her book.
Well, I did observe that some translations of 1-2 colleagues are based on google translate system, but I never said a word against them. They failed and now wanted to prove one of supposed translations was bad. The thing is that their variants failed. I never get people without empathy, as I never try to put down someone, just using constructive criticism.
I don't agree that most people have evil roots in their nature at all. I think most people are good, I've only ever met a couple in my life who I would say weren't "good."
Jaquaia
30-06-16, 09:30 PM
I think evil is a bit strong. Some may be selfish, self-centred or self-absorbed, but I wouldn't say most people have evil roots. Some just aren't very nice people but do tend to have redeeming qualities when you dig deeper
The people I'm talking about can push and pass over your body only to reach their goals. I'm so fed up with them and their set of intrigues.
The thing is that I feel very bad, my life turned a hell. I just want to vanish in the infinite. I cannot stop crying.
Jaquaia
30-06-16, 09:56 PM
How has your life turned to hell? Selena, only you can change what you aren't happy with. We can support you but the effort needs to come from you.
I'm very unhappy with my current work and pressure everywhere.
Yes, I'm grateful for your support.
The thing is that I feel very bad, my life turned a hell. I just want to vanish in the infinite. I cannot stop crying.
Have you seen a Dr about how you are feeling? Are you on medication?
If you are feeling this bad then you do have to do something about it. Go and see a Dr, tell the everything and get some proper medical help.
I'm very unhappy with my current work and pressure everywhere.
Then are you looking around for alternative employment? What other pressure?
Pressure from my boss, home, online.
Jaquaia
30-06-16, 10:32 PM
Suzi is right. What is stopping you from trying for other jobs? What can you do to get past that? Break everything down in to small steps. That way it doesn't feel so daunting.
Jaquaia
30-06-16, 10:32 PM
Online from H?
What pressure online? From the dating sites? Sweetheart, just don't even open those sites, give yourself a break.
Home? From your Mum? That's not so easy to solve, but all you can do is keep talking to her..
Your boss? Either stand up and say "no" or look for another job....
Yes, but mainly in real life, also a jealous colleague who tries to hurt others.
Yes, but mainly in real life, also a jealous colleague who tries to hurt others.
I'm sorry, I don't understand. You said pressure from online, but now you are saying in real life... Which is the biggest problem? What about real life in detail?
I think I've just burnt out.
The biggest problem is in real life:at work and at home.
Jaquaia
30-06-16, 11:57 PM
Selena, you are all over the place when you tell us about what is bothering you. Let's start with work.What are the biggest problems at work?
I agree, let's break it down to smaller specifics....
I'm sorry, I was simply destroyed yesterday.
So, here how it goes:
1. My boss would prefer me to work till autumn, I'm already burnt out. Most of my colleagues are nice, but there are two nasty people. A woman who actually did google translations and we never complained on her, giving her another chance, tries to compromise other colleagues, including myself. I'm fed up with these lies (that I did something wrong or told something wrong and many nasty things). There is also a vulgar man who tried to approach me, but it was harrasment, I didn't tell anything, but he insists again when he sees me.
2. At home not very calm atmosphere. My mum is basically against H.
3. H. gets more distant and finally he told me:" Do what you want, I don't like your manner of behaviour". What is he talking about? I apologized enough, if he copes with difficulties, I could have been very supportive. Where did I go wrong? Or I'm the hysterical woman, while he is the busy and really tired man?
4. My own issues as well as photo session tomorrow, organized by my boss. An additional stress.
On a good side, my boss made for me and my colleagues personalized business card and I cope well with customers and nobody complained on my translations, although some jealous people from company tried to criticize my work without any reason in front of my boss. The thing is that many people turned down their translations and now these 2 are jealous, but I never criticized them and I'm always only for constructive criticism. I feel such a crazy loser, like I cannot stand up for my interests.
1. Tell your boss you're entitled to a holiday and you're going to take it. End of. Ignore the bitches - there are always some in a office. The man - make a note of what he says and when he says it, for evidence. Then tell him you'll call the police if he does it again. That's work sorted
2. Your mum is against H. She's right. Tell her that.
3. H is an arsehole. Get rid of him. And you've done a photo session once, you can do it again.
If people are commenting to your boss, tell them they're unreasonable and, if your boss or customers have a problem with your work, you will talk to your boss then,
Sorted
Thank you, Paula, I'll think over it.
There are actually two people who do this sort of things against me and others. Our team is generally friendly and nice. Neither my boss nor any customer had any problems with my work so far.
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